FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why are people so afraid of clubs?

Why are people so afraid of clubs?

By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

As my status says I am having issues getting guys to meet me at clubs - don't mistake this for having issues getting meets, I'm not short of offers (at clubs or on fab) . But to me if I arrange to meet someone I meet them. I don't just not show up.

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

Sorry to clarify the second question is mainly because I've had a lot of guys reply to my status saying that it's not just guys so this is just a general thread for people to tell their stories

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally wouldn't meet someone at a club, simply because clubs are not for me

If someone was adamant that it was either a club meet or nothing, then it would be nothing. Dont see the point in saying yes knowing I'm not going to turn up.

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

"As my status says I am having issues getting guys to meet me at clubs - don't mistake this for having issues getting meets, I'm not short of offers (at clubs or on fab) . But to me if I arrange to meet someone I meet them. I don't just not show up.

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

are you asking about pre-arranged meets with the club as the venue?

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

Clubs are good for ladies. Safe environment. Men seem reluctant to meet at clubs, unless you go as a couple. This gives them a number of advantages: mainly price and the chance to meet other single ladies and couples who are looking to meet couples. However offering to meet a single fem inside means they have to pay as a single man and you may not like them, so other privilages removed. I find this self filtering. Always only meet in the club, if they don't turn up, or they are a knob then other options are open to you as a single fem.

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

are you asking about pre-arranged meets with the club as the venue? "

Yes. So someone I would play with definitely at the club. Because I've spoken to them and like them. I also make it clear its just the first meet at a club - after that I would meet one to one. But I like the safety of a club. I only meet at one club anyway and it's a fetish/swingers club so the environment is not the same as there aren't usually many single guys. Also looking to meet couples there as well and women as I am bi

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

I can't say why people wont meet at clubs. Fear of the unknown? Preconceptions about what clubs are like?

As a single female I think clubs provide a level of safety that meeting elsewhere doesn't. There's also the added bonus that if he doesn't turn up there are like minded people around to chat to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldnt i cant put my finger on why, i love going to mansion partys getting suited & booted. i think i just find clubs abit sleazy and cheesy. Not my vibe at all.

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By *razytimesinloveCouple over a year ago

SW Scotland

Can be quite daunting if you’re newish to the scene.

We arrange to meet at clubs incase we have a no show

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

Probably the price I’m guessing

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

I think a lot of it is fear of the unknown and thinking clubs are sleazy, which some are

but not where I go and I would never invite someone to a place to make them uncomfortable.

If someone doesn't want to meet at a club I get it but then just don't say you're going to show up and then don't. I think men have started to become more unreliable which is a shame as a couple of years ago that would have never happened. I'd just prefer someone to be honest.

I used to meet one to one first but after a few bad experiences like someone driving off with me in their car It's put me off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When we have chatted to people about clubs and ask if they have attended any etc and when the answer is no, I always ask how come?! Out of interest ofcourse and 9/10 their answer is because they’re nervous and don’t know what to expect.

I must say when we first went to a club there was alsorts of images going through my head haha. It’s absolutely not what I thought it was going to be! Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Could be a number of reasons;

Price

Profession

Married

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I tend to only meet in clubs these days. I don't really do house meets as I have pet and dust allergies. Let's just say I have been to some not so clean houses in the past. So a club for me is so much better .I also like the social side to club's.

I do have my regular ladies I see from the club's that come and stay over at mine.

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By *he Happy ManMan over a year ago

Merseyside

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

I am not afraid of clubs. It's just not my thing.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman over a year ago
Forum Mod

My Own Little World

From experience I would say

Cost

Competition - not being the only guy in the room.

Worried about it being an all involved orgy - I wish.

And the prevailing rumour that everyone always plays bare back in clubs - only ever with my hubby.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"Probably the price I’m guessing "

Why would a single guy pay £40 - £80 to meet a woman in a club, for a first time meet where in the first five minutes either of you may decide ‘nope, not for me’, and walk? I know there will be the ardent club lovers who will bleat one about “ well there will be lots of other people in the club you can chat with otherwise”, but this doesn’t necessarily apply for the single guy (and I speak from experience).

Arrange a meet in a coffee shop. It’s £0 entry fee for each of you. It’s a public place = safe environment. If one of you doesn’t show, it’s 15 minutes out of your life and you block their profile

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By *exi7000Couple over a year ago

London

We never meet for first time in a club, we actually state that in our profile. Few of our reasons:

1. Shows insecurities, as they need an easy exit(wrong attitude in the first place), or multiply theirs chances which means we are going to be just number for them;

2. Social is important part for us, and clubs are either too noisy to have a good conversation, or you get interrupted every 2 minutes. That will make it hard to actually show your true self.

3. Single girl in the club will be chased by all the guys and couples off course, so why anyone will put himself in that position to compete for her attention, is beyond our understanding.

4. We go to clubs for the trill of the unknown.

Hope that helps.

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By *racy_JacksWoman over a year ago

Derby

Use the site in the way that suits you. You have good reasons for personally wanting to meet at clubs first, so seek out those who are looking for the same. People have different approaches and sometimes there can be incompatibility so figure that out early on and don’t spend time chatting with those people (eg I don’t chat to people who will not give out their number for a call before a first meet).

I personally wouldn’t arrange a first meet in a club as they are only an occasional thing for me. I prefer the intimacy of meeting privately and when I do go to clubs, I always go with someone that I already know

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By *aomilatteCouple over a year ago

Midlands

It could be they like to take illegal substances? We’ve seen people removed “taking” things the club don’t allow. It’s their loss, clubs are so much fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have met a few couples and singles in clubs but we prefer to meet first time somewhere public and neutral.

Clubs are great but can be intimidating, especially for single guys, what if you didn't show up? Sam goes to clubs alone and regularly it costs him 80 pounds or more, and if he fancies a drink (event nights) then another 100 in taxis and a hotel room for the night.

We find a nice local bar or coffee shop, and then if we all click will then arrange a club or hotel meet.

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By *JohnMan over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Is it specifically meeting at a club that they won't do, or are these the same guys that will arrange a meet anywhere and not show up?

I've been trying to understand them, as that sort of behaviour doesn't make much sense to me. The best theory I have is that they enjoy the chase, the flirting, and the attention from an attractive woman. But they're not expecting you to actually meet - it's all a fun tease (to them) on both sides. Turn it into a real meet and it becomes a very different thing from what they had been enjoying.

Just a hypothesis, and one I have no way of testing.

If there's fear of clubs as well, it could be from a perception among many single men that they aren't welcome at clubs. And it's partly true - there's a type of single man that no one wants to encounter.

But what I hope is the majority are decent people with some degree of social skill, and once they make it through the door they find they're quite welcome. It's just getting through the door the first time that can be difficult, if you have an inaccurate picture of what you'll find inside.

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By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

I’m a single fem and I go alone mainly to one club and mainly to a daytime event ... clubs are so much safer and the choice overwhelming ha ha

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By *racy_JacksWoman over a year ago

Derby

3. Single girl in the club will be chased by all the guys and couples off course, so why anyone will put himself in that position to compete for her attention, is beyond our understanding.

And from the single girl perspective, if I’m hoping to meet someone at the club to play with, then it’s just more efficient to well, actually find people at the club, rather than chatting on the site and then getting someone to go to a club.

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By *exi7000Couple over a year ago

London

3. Single girl in the club will be chased by all the guys and couples off course, so why anyone will put himself in that position to compete for her attention, is beyond our understanding.

Absolutely.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to go clubbing

Normal clubbing that is

I went with a group of friends males and females.

Swinging clubs are no different except they have rooms for sex and sex can be seen on the dance floor.

Turning up and not showing is reportable

Rude to not show and not tell you.

Sorry this happens.

Risk is a big safety issue

Getting into strangers cars if you don't know them or met them.

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

ok as a club who talks to single guys all the time who are reluctant to attend, I hear the following as the top reasons for not attending:

Personal insecurities - they fear that they would have to get their kit off and play in public and wouldn't be able to get an erection.

Seeing someone they know - I'm afraid to say that an awful lot of guys (and ladies) are attached and are afraid of seeing someone they know and their partners finding out.

Work - Seeing someone they know and being outed in work.

Cost - We corrected this ages ago and a lot of our events are very reasonable for guys and a much fairer pricing scheme with free membership

Sleazy venue - Many people have the impression that clubs are sleazy and dirty. I just direct them to our pics and videos to reassure them, which sorts that problem out. However there are some sleazy clubs out there, so I can see why they would think this.

Better guys at the club - guys worry that if they arrange to meet a lady at a club, there may be a guy there who she likes more and then he's left high and dry

Feeling obliged to play - Guys can worry that they are expected to play with a lady just because they have arranged to meet them at a club or given them a lift. This obviously shouldn't be the case whatever the venue!

I think we forget that although there are loads of guys on here and ladies are completely outnumbered, guys have a tough time on the scene and they get just as nervous as new couples and females. I personally think that if you are going to use a site like this to meet people, then have a social in Costa or something. It's a level playing field, play isn't expected, you are both relaxed and it's public. If there's a spark, then you can both agree a mutually comfortable playspace. Guys may be more likely to go to a club with you if their concerns are abated in a social setting first.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Could be a number of reasons;

Price

Profession

Married "

This nails it,I think. And as for men saying yes then not turning up: it's the heat of the moment versus the cold light of day realisation that they have to produce ID and register with the club.

Why not meet them socially in a public place first, so you can check one another out?

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

"ok as a club who talks to single guys all the time who are reluctant to attend, I hear the following as the top reasons for not attending:

Personal insecurities - they fear that they would have to get their kit off and play in public and wouldn't be able to get an erection.

Seeing someone they know - I'm afraid to say that an awful lot of guys (and ladies) are attached and are afraid of seeing someone they know and their partners finding out.

Work - Seeing someone they know and being outed in work.

Cost - We corrected this ages ago and a lot of our events are very reasonable for guys and a much fairer pricing scheme with free membership

Better guys at the club - guys worry that if they arrange to meet a lady at a club, there may be a guy there who she likes more and then he's left high and dry

xxx "

Sensible guidance as always

We enjoy Clubs, we find it is easier to decide we fancy someone at a club than in a coffee shop, so it works for us

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By *andKBCouple over a year ago

Plymouth

Weve not had the greatest experiences in clubs. We would still go but for a club requires a lot of travel and an overnight stay at the bare minimum.

I think for me (female) I need to change my expectations. I'm much more the one who wants to meet to play at clubs. Then I find myself getting upset over it and it shatters my confidence. But C says I should just view it as a chance to meet people and just see what happens.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve never been to a club and I don’t think I ever will, just personal preference I suppose

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By *occerstar579Man over a year ago

Harrogate

I guess there could be several reasons however not showing on an arranged meet is never excusable.

Personally as a single male I wouldn't arrange a meet in a club. Imagine arriving and being stood up...one looks like Billy no mates. My preference would be to meet somewhere quiet...a nice bar near the club. Have a drink chat and discuss any desires you have for when you get in the club. Make sure you both singing from same hymn sheet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Time wasters love to string you along

Confidence

Lack of self esteem

Something cropped up

Meeting outside means gives you a chance to run off. As in meet first time and you don't fancy them.

Talking online is great.

After sometime swap numbers

Never arrange to meet stranger and go in his car

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess there could be several reasons however not showing on an arranged meet is never excusable.

We singing Billy no mates

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Clubs are nothing special to me.

I'd rather meet in a public bar have a drink or coffee house

If we don't hit it off

I stay for more he runs off

Because we are not all attracted to each other

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By *HaRiFMan over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Fear of the unknown possibly, plus all the goat sacrificing and running round bonfire naked chanting and wailing might not be their cup to tea

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why I'm reluctant to meet in a club.

Mainly because I've never been to a club as yet. So I haven't a clue how it works.

I anticipate that it would be difficult to hold a conversation in a club.

I personally like quiet, so I much prefer the coffee shop idea. While waiting I wait in an environment I feel relaxed in. Wouldn't be as relaxed in a club.

If it's a no show, then at least I enjoyed my coffee.

I'm not saying this is everyones view. But right or wrong, it is mine.

Good luck and happy New year.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why I'm reluctant to meet in a club.

Mainly because I've never been to a club as yet. So I haven't a clue how it works.

I anticipate that it would be difficult to hold a conversation in a club.

I personally like quiet, so I much prefer the coffee shop idea. While waiting I wait in an environment I feel relaxed in. Wouldn't be as relaxed in a club.

If it's a no show, then at least I enjoyed my coffee.

I'm not saying this is everyones view. But right or wrong, it is mine.

Good luck and happy New year.

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By *attyduk76Man over a year ago

nearby

For what it’s worth :

Meeting at a club would be a no for me because

1. The risk of not hitting it off, I always have an exit strategy in case of this just makes it harder in a club.

2. Noise or privacy. I like to be able to relax on a first meet. Having lots of people dressed in some cases provocatively makes it a little tricky.

But an important thing to mention is what the OP mentions about guys just not turning up. If you have agreed to turn up at the club then you know the deal then you should turn up, failure to do this is just plain rude.

Just my 2 pennies worth.

Happy Fabbing all ??

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By *elshsunsWoman over a year ago

Flintshire

"ok as a club who talks to single guys all the time who are reluctant to attend, I hear the following as the top reasons for not attending:

Personal insecurities - they fear that they would have to get their kit off and play in public and wouldn't be able to get an erection.

Seeing someone they know - I'm afraid to say that an awful lot of guys (and ladies) are attached and are afraid of seeing someone they know and their partners finding out.

Work - Seeing someone they know and being outed in work.

Cost - We corrected this ages ago and a lot of our events are very reasonable for guys and a much fairer pricing scheme with free membership

Better guys at the club - guys worry that if they arrange to meet a lady at a club, there may be a guy there who she likes more and then he's left high and dry

xxx "

This is the club I attend well recommended ... read the reviews

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

Just to confirm the club I go to has non gendered pricing so it costs £10 to get in for a guy. But yes I agree a lot of it is insecurities but if I say I'm going to meet someone and I specifically have said I will play with them (because I'm picky and don't just play with anyone) and I've guaranteed a play then why as a guy would you not show up?

The only reason I can think of is doesn't want to go to a club

Married or attached - which I wouldn't meet anyway

Or just a time waster

And unfortunately there are a lot of time wasters these days and it's a shame. It's not like I haven't got any verifications. I have loads so I think that says something about me - as in I'm definitely going to show up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just to confirm the club I go to has non gendered pricing so it costs £10 to get in for a guy. But yes I agree a lot of it is insecurities but if I say I'm going to meet someone and I specifically have said I will play with them (because I'm picky and don't just play with anyone) and I've guaranteed a play then why as a guy would you not show up?

The only reason I can think of is doesn't want to go to a club

Married or attached - which I wouldn't meet anyway

Or just a time waster

Totally agree with you OP

Happy new year

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By *eviantdeeliteCouple over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Could be a number of reasons;

Price

Profession

Married "

or all of those

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By *aughtyYorkGentMan over a year ago

Yorkshire

I've attended a few clubs with FBs/FWBs and I'm not a huge fan in general. A couple have been virtually deserted with a really sleazy vibe. Others have been fuller and more lively, but invariably populated primarily by men.

I've never been to a club as a single guy, but I'd be willing to meet at one if that's what a woman wanted. It doesn't seem ideal to me though, for many of the reasons mentioned above. A noisy atmosphere with lots of other guys around vying for the woman's attention isn't conducive to feeling relaxed and confident and hitting it off. I'd have no problem paying the entrance fee as a single guy if I knew the woman would honour the arrangement and turn up, but being 80 quid down and let down myself doesn't appeal at all. And of course, she might not fancy me in the flesh, which results in effectively the same situation.

I know all guys probably say this, but one thing I would never do is arrange a meet and not turn up - no matter how nervous I was. Guys have a hard enough time arranging anything on here to begin with; the idea of squandering a golden opportunity when it presents itself is completely alien to me.

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By *eviantdeeliteCouple over a year ago

Cheltenham

The only reason I can think of is doesn't want to go to a club

Married or attached - which I wouldn't meet anyway

Or just a time waster

It may be your last paragraph that makes them change their mind...they like chatting to a sexy girl (cannot comment on the contents of that chat as I do not know you) but when face with actually meeting someone that has that many verifications they bottle it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ive played in clubs and Ive met in houses and hotels.

Id meet for the first time in a club if I was already a member and had other people to talk to.

So if the lady got cold feet and backed out Ive not wasted my time. But I wouldnt go to a club as a new visitor for a first meet.

Fab people are among the most unreliable that I meet. Something crops up, kids ill, they've been asked to stay on at work etc etc... so the chance of meeting the lady based on normal cancellation/rearrangement rates is about 1 in 3. Not good odds if youve travelled and paid admission to then find yourself in a strange club as an unattached single guy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably the price I’m guessing

Last it

If you both decided on a fun night, sharing a price of a hotel room, gives you a further discreet option.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably the price I’m guessing

Last it

If you both decided on a fun night, sharing a price of a hotel room, gives you a further discreet option. "

Oops 'last bit'.... meant to say..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve never been to a club and I like the first time I meet someone for them to have my fully undivided attention

I’ve never not shown up etc if I’ve had to reschedule I’ve contacted ‘meet’

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

That's true. I know some people don't like women with a lot of verifications. But I always play safe which it states on my profile. I think some people find me intimidating as well because I'm quite body confident. I've had people come to the club and whilst they've been there sent me a message on fab asking if I'd play with them....

I totally get your reasoning for those who don't want to meet at clubs. I mean for the honest responses. I agree it may not be ideal for most.

If I say I'm going to play with someone I wouldn't change my mind either. I tend to vet people before I meet them and if I am not sure I'll say that I may not play with them depending on how they are in person. I also don't base people I play with on looks. I tend to go for personality and I've had the pleasure of meeting some amazing people.

I just do wish I could meet some more guys there. Its such a great club and not many people know about it. Also as I said before there aren't many single guys who go so it tends to be about a 5 percent ratio of men to couples and women so there wouldn't be competition! If anyone is interested in playing then please get in touch via pm

I do play 121 but only after I've met someone at a club and make sure they aren't a complete weirdo! I have had quite a few people turn up to one to one meets who have had an entirely different pic on their profile to what they actually look like and because I'm single and meeting alone I do get nervous.

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By *ishopstippleMan over a year ago

Purley

"Could be a number of reasons;

Price

Profession

Married

This nails it,I think. And as for men saying yes then not turning up: it's the heat of the moment versus the cold light of day realisation that they have to produce ID and register with the club.

Why not meet them socially in a public place first, so you can check one another out?"

What they said. Plus the risk of the meet not turning up at the club. Us single guys pay 3-6 times the price of a single fem. So not a lot of happiness when we get stood-up. It happens too often.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

4 out of 5 men I arrange to meet at a club don't turn up, I'm now tending only to meet guys that have already been to clubs, so are less likely to stand me up.

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By *HaRiFMan over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"Could be a number of reasons;

Price

Profession

Married

This nails it,I think. And as for men saying yes then not turning up: it's the heat of the moment versus the cold light of day realisation that they have to produce ID and register with the club.

Why not meet them socially in a public place first, so you can check one another out?

What they said. Plus the risk of the meet not turning up at the club. Us single guys pay 3-6 times the price of a single fem. So not a lot of happiness when we get stood-up. It happens too often. "

Why can’t you arrange to meet outside?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd never meet at a club even if you're the most beautiful woman in the world on principal because of the pricing of single guys so I understand why they wouldn't meet up yes they can be safer for a lady but if you insist I'd have to say sorry and decline the offer.

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

I think I've said 2x already but they have non gendered pricing so guys pay the same as I do to get in. Which is £10

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By *attyduk76Man over a year ago

nearby

Still don’t get the not turning up by guys

That’s just plain rude .. but I guess some guys are just idiots

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By *HaRiFMan over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

"I'd never meet at a club even if you're the most beautiful woman in the world on principal because of the pricing of single guys so I understand why they wouldn't meet up yes they can be safer for a lady but if you insist I'd have to say sorry and decline the offer."

Yes some clubs do but some don’t as the op said the club she goes to charge the same price for everyone about £10 to £15 per person.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes some clubs do but some don’t as the op said the club she goes to charge the same price for everyone about £10 to £15 per person. "
still wouldn't pay just the Yorkshire man in me refuses to pay to go in any club

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t think the club is the biggest issue. I’ve met someone at a club cos it was cheaper than getting a hotel! Lol. But the amount of times I’ve had someone say ‘I’m on my way’ ‘be there in 5 mins’ ‘I’m here but I don’t see you’... so many people arrange and don’t turn up. Like not even a last minute cancellation, just don’t turn up. It’s happened to me just meeting for lunch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

It’s a good question, I have been to clubs a few times but always suffer from nerves but hasn’t stopped me going or following up on a meet if I’ve arranged one. Like you I find it rude as people put a lot of effort in to meets so least they can do is show up. Maybe some get to nervous and chicken out or they suddenly realise they are in a relationship and don’t go into clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always chat and make sure I FaceTime potential meets ... it’s a scary world out there . I also have a fab security mate nearby hahaha incase but I’m so so careful

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By *entakuruMan over a year ago

Exeter

I always assume that if someone wants to meet in a club then they're hedging their bets and not all that sure if they want to meet you specifically. I wouldn't meet say a Tinder or OKC date in a nightclub (unless we were both already there or scheduled to be there that night) since there are far too many distractions and potential 'competition'. Combine that with the long distance (in my case) to get to a club, the fact I may not have been to that club before and therefore might have to face a few challenges to even be allowed in as a single male, not to mention the expense of entry (not a problem if I'm going anyway, but problematic if it's to meet someone I have never met and don't know if they'll show up or flake out) and it starts to look a bit tricky. The best compromise for me would be to meet in a cafe/pub/bar nearby, get to know each other a bit then move on to the club together if the stars are all correctly aligned...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably the price I’m guessing "
I have been to clubs before and yes I was about to say the same there

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By *portyndNaughtyMan over a year ago

Nearby Hinckley

[Removed by poster at 02/01/20 13:13:31]

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By *portyndNaughtyMan over a year ago

Nearby Hinckley

From a single man perspective myself I prefer to meet at clubs. The issue perhaps is finding the right club to attend. Each club has a different vibe and clientele and I guess bad experiences may be a result of attending the wrong one.

I don't see the entrance as a deterrent any decent night out/date those days will cost a £50 plus unless you are really tight fisted and prefer to arrange a meet at Costa, McDonalds etc. I can guarantee will not impress any couple or female unless it is their preference.

Regards attending alone if you are shy or have problems to approach and talk to people clubs are definetely not the place to go. I have seen countless times guys on clubs hidding, not talking to anyone and complaining they came to the place to have sex really!!

Do your research, check the club reviews and profiles of the ones who attended that club, from my side I had both socially and playing great times visiting clubs.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

Everyone talking about pricing etc, why agree to go in the first place? I will only meet in clubs for the first few meets, if someone tells me it's too pricey or just don't do clubs I say OK and move on. But alot of guys say they will go then just don't turn up.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan over a year ago

salisbury

Harder to meet at clubs when singles are married.

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

Thanks for your replies guys. So it seems the main reasons for not coming are

#1 price (lol - I find this funny)

#2 competition

#3 not wanting to go in case people don't show up

In all honesty I get why guys maybe just don't show up to meets. I have had a lot of replies from people privately saying they've gone to a meet and women haven't shown up. I totally get that. And I think that's awful. But for someone with 140 verifications do I really seem like someone who is going to flake out.

Clubs for me are somewhere safe, neutral ground and all that stuff. You have to think Considering I've had meets where people have locked me in houses or cars I'm a little nervous to go meet people. And that's people who have had verifications. For someone who has 2 or 3 verifications it doesn't really mean much to me as people seem to get some fake ones anyway but it's very rare for a guy to have more so. This is my main reason for asking people to come to clubs and also safety.

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

Personally I.like clubs, they're the main reason I still use Fab.

As for guys not wanting to meet at a club I would assume that the price is the main sticking point. Some may refuse on principal (of guys entrance fee being substantially more) others may feel that they joined Fab looking for "free" sex and as such aren't willing to spend money that they could use out on the town with their mates. Others simply can't or won't justify spending the cost of entrance plus the cost of travel plus the cost of accommodation.

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By *ethnmelvCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

We have gone to quite a few Clubs, with hugely varying pricing. To be honest we can spend more in a pub or a restaurant for a night out, so we don’t buy the pricing excuse - unless you intend to go every night! M has also gone on his own, generally to check out a new Club, or just for a social. They are fun places and should be tried. First before people say they are not for them.

I am thinking of going on my own one night just to see how the dynamic changes when I’m on my own...

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By *entakuruMan over a year ago

Exeter

Personally as a single male I wouldn't arrange a meet in a club. Imagine arriving and being stood up...one looks like Billy no mates. "

As a single bloke I am always on my own when I go. And in fact I generally go to regular nightclubs etc solo as well. Not having mates there to distract you is very liberating - you go where you want when you want, talk to whoever you want about whatever you want without worrying that you're abandoning people etc etc. I went out clubbing on NYE with workmates and I totally missed a chance for a snog and maybe more with a cute girl within the first few minutes of arriving because I was more concerned about where my group was than just being present in the moment and having fun.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"From a single man perspective myself I prefer to meet at clubs. The issue perhaps is finding the right club to attend. Each club has a different vibe and clientele and I guess bad experiences may be a result of attending the wrong one.

Do your research, check the club reviews and profiles of the ones who attended that club, from my side I had both socially and playing great times visiting clubs. "

Definitely the ‘right’ club makes a difference, and by that, I actually mean ‘who’ attends. All these places sell themselves as the ‘most friendly’, and ‘you won’t regret it’, but I’ve had some desperately dour evenings in some of these places as a single guy, and will only visit a club now either with someone, or with a planned meet inside.

Someone mentioned above, about meeting outside the club first? That would be a good idea surely? Meeting in a pub around the corner first, then if you’re both happy, going on to the club after?

I’m not nervous about meeting in a club (they’re not all that really), I’m not tight-fisted, and I don’t worry about competition from other guys. I appreciate a single woman has concerns about safety, and I hear there are a lot of time wasters around (I’ve only been let down once in over 8 years of private meets). I hope the New Year is a success for you OP

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

Do your research, check the club reviews and profiles of the ones who attended that club, from my side I had both socially and playing great times visiting clubs.

Someone mentioned above, about meeting outside the club first? That would be a good idea surely? Meeting in a pub around the corner first, then if you’re both happy, going on to the club after?

Thank you me too

I'm not really into the social thing during the week as work hours /life in general take up too much time so Saturdays are really the only day I can meet at the moment and don't want to compromise what I want to do by going to a social

. That might sound horrible but when you've been meeting people online for 15 years you learn what you want. I guess.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As said before I've been to many a club and sauna I'll never pay to get in so unless there Free entry it's a no thanks just not for me

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By *oppet22TV/TS over a year ago

huddersfield

It's the cost for single males and membership that's what puts me off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

"
clubs are expensive for guys maybe thats it

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By *aked_magicMan over a year ago

the gutter looking at the stars (UAE)

Ive been invited to meet at clubs in the past and ive always politely declined due to the "Billy No Mates" factor really. I dont particularly enjoy walking into a regular bar in town alone nevermind a club for the first time as a single male to meet somebody in person for the very first time. Meet for drink first and on to a club later? Sure - but just walk into a club as a first timer where there may already be established cliques is not for me. Call it the fear of the unknown too if you like but thats just how i feel. Cost or any of the other factors mentioned doesnt really concern me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

I get put off by meeting in a club because to me it means she's not really that interested. In my world, a club is not a place I would go socially so when someone asks me to meet them at a club I would be only going there explicitly to meet them. Knowing that there's going to be loads of guys hounding them for sex whilst I try to get to know the person I've only just met isn't an attractive proposition. I guess I like to get to know someone a bit before taking anything further and a club isn't the ideal place to do that. Even if the plan is to meet somewhere before and then go to a club is a lot more appealing than meeting there.

As for you second question I would never stand someone up even if I'm not interested. I don't see it as a decent thing to do so would never treat another human like that

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By *r n mrs swingCouple over a year ago

pontefract

I find clubs really clicky and daunting x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd say unless they are regular to that club pretty unreasonable to say you would only meet there, it costs a small bomb for blokes and not every one likes a club, social meet in a coffee shop etc all the way or just meet blokes you meet in clubs

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

To the later posters who haven't read the full thread the place I go is £10 entry for males. Which is what it would cost to go for a drink somewhere.

I don't see meeting someone at their house any more daunting than meeting someone at a club. For all they know I could be a 6ft6 male. Just to play devil's advocate

. Also I have met people one to one before but (also) as previously stated not always worked out safety wise. So I don't believe it's unreasonable of me to ask this if I explain.

As for meeting guys in a club that I go to (also as previously stated) the club does not have a high ratio of single guys. There may only be 1 or 2 on a night and I don't play with couples often

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Clubs are just like the outside world. Hit and Miss.

I have been to the Attic, cinema was a bit seedy and it was quiet first time. Second time was a busy party night and it was awesome.

I've been to liberty Elite, first time was quiet, second was awesome.

Recently went to Townhouse and was very impressed.

In short it's the peoe that make it.

It's also different going as a single guy or a couple. As a couple I hated the entourage of males that follow you like a pack.

As a single male, if it's quiet you welcome a pack of men to chat too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd say unless they are regular to that club pretty unreasonable to say you would only meet there, it costs a small bomb for blokes and not every one likes a club, social meet in a coffee shop etc all the way or just meet blokes you meet in clubs

I second what snakes has said here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would much preffer to meet a woman somewhere else out of sight of strangers in a club.

I get nervous meeting anyone for the first time, so no not for me for the first time.

I've never been to a club before, that alone is a big step.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

I think it's unreasonable for people to expect me to change my preferences to suit them too.

It works both ways. They might not like clubs, I might not like coffee shops and socials.

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By *d4fun73Man over a year ago

Shipley

I have been to clubs on my own and met you op.! However I think some guys are put off by the cost, the uncertainty and they're probably time wasters in the first place. If they turn up all good. I must admit to not liking going on my own and prefer to go as a couple.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I second what snakes has said here"

I third that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's unreasonable for people to expect me to change my preferences to suit them too.

It works both ways. They might not like clubs, I might not like coffee shops and socials. "

I think it's unreasonable for you to expect people to change their preferences to suit you

Imagine if you never been to a club before and like men it cost you a bomb to get in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To the later posters who haven't read the full thread the place I go is £10 entry for males. Which is what it would cost to go for a drink somewhere.

I don't see meeting someone at their house any more daunting than meeting someone at a club. For all they know I could be a 6ft6 male. Just to play devil's advocate

. Also I have met people one to one before but (also) as previously stated not always worked out safety wise. So I don't believe it's unreasonable of me to ask this if I explain.

As for meeting guys in a club that I go to (also as previously stated) the club does not have a high ratio of single guys. There may only be 1 or 2 on a night and I don't play with couples often "

Clubs are not the standard social environments that we would visit at any time like a coffee shop or pub. If you are meeting in a public place then it would still be safe for you.

I've never been to a club with such a ratio so I would probably be more inclined if that were the case.

Not saying I have never met anyone in a club as I have done it a few times. Ask me whether I would have met them elsewhere then the answer would always be yes, no matter how good the night turned out to be. This is mainly because a swingers club is not a place where I would hang out normally or take friends to.

Think the issue may be that you're asking an objective question to a subjective problem.... Not everyone is you so they will have different perspectives on how they view a swingers club

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

I think it's unreasonable for people to expect me to change my preferences to suit them too.

It works both ways. They might not like clubs, I might not like coffee shops and socials.

I think it's unreasonable for you to expect people to change their preferences to suit you

Imagine if you never been to a club before and like men it cost you a bomb to get in.

I don't though, I ask them if they want to, if they don't, they can tell me, but don't be a dick and stand me up.

Oh also, most people spend more going to the pub than they would going to a club.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always thought that clubs were dirty sleezy places to visit. I'd feel as if I wouldn't want to touch anything or drink out of a glass.

That's just my opinion coming from a man who's never been and I know very little about them.

However I have googled a couple of clubs since using this site and they looked nice and clean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I always thought that clubs were dirty sleezy places to visit. I'd feel as if I wouldn't want to touch anything or drink out of a glass.

That's just my opinion coming from a man who's never been and I know very little about them.

However I have googled a couple of clubs since using this site and they looked nice and clean. "

They are only as dirty as most other standard clubs that have the darkness to hide the housekeeping. Sleezy however… Define sleezy?

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By *n With LifeCouple over a year ago

Hadley Wood

"I think a lot of it is fear of the unknown and thinking clubs are sleazy, which some are

but not where I go and I would never invite someone to a place to make them uncomfortable.

I used to meet one to one first but after a few bad experiences like someone driving off with me in their car It's put me off. "

As a single woman you should put your safety first and most clubs are well run and just about the safest place to be.

Some men will be put off by the cost of a club (unless they are guaranteed a shag) and also by having to register (some married men wont like this!)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I always thought that clubs were dirty sleezy places to visit. I'd feel as if I wouldn't want to touch anything or drink out of a glass.

That's just my opinion coming from a man who's never been and I know very little about them.

However I have googled a couple of clubs since using this site and they looked nice and clean.

They are only as dirty as most other standard clubs that have the darkness to hide the housekeeping. Sleezy however… Define sleezy?

Imagine just how many stray cum shot miss the targets though

I'm not sure how to define it. It just seemed like the correct word to type lol.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally prefer to meet at clubs. For me I think there a safe environment for all, also the ones I use are very clean, good facilities and have great staff. So any issue, they can be resolved very quickly.

I get it if your after more than just the FAB world, ie a relationship, then a club may not suit. But as a single guy, I’m all up for clubs.

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By *orgeouslyyoursWoman over a year ago

essex just looking around

I think this is a great question

Of course everyone has their own personal reasons and it's a subject that females I know in the scene have asked me and male friends have talked about.

Here are a few answers I heard over the 14 years I've been part of this crazy world. In no particular order ..

Females ... not meeting at club

1. Male may not show

2. They may not like male

3. Male may mug then off when there

4. They dont want to share

5. They dont like profiles or have an image of a club or other females /couples that attend a local club.

Basically a lot of is seems to be about other females having their man or him going off elsewhere

But this those females thst like to meet at clubs say it's so they are safer and less chance of a disappointing awkward night if no connection.

Guys.

1. Not single ..

Club nights are mainly weekends and end late ... they need to be able to leave

2. In case they are mugged off and left alone

3. They do not like they female in flesh

4. Image of club scenario and that side to scene

5. Do not like to play in front of others

6. Dont want female to think it's a date or more than it is

And finally This one I don't like but I've heard it from both sexes many times

Good enough for a shag in private

but not to be seen In public with...

Personally I do think club pricing for younger guys is a factor too

But we are all unique want different things and interprete

stuff differently.

But really it's all about peoples personal fears.with proof or without.

And someone elses opinion is purely that not necessarily a true fact .

After all its sll only scarey the first time

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By *heEvilWithin OP Woman over a year ago

Barnsley

I think it's subjective the question but that's the idea. I want to get people's honest opinions on it and it's good to hear.

I don't think there's any need for people to be attacking others after all it's all about opinions and we aren't all going to agree.

I think that it's important we view it for what it is. Some people like going to clubs, some people don't and then there's some with warped views of clubs.

As another woman said I don't like socials and I find it more uncomfortable to go meet someone at a bar or a pub or for coffee than I do being in lingerie at a club. After all I'm here for sex and nothing more. I like to get to know people that I meet regularly but then there's also a line I don't like to cross. And to me going to meet someone for a social isn't for me. I'd rather be in a club where we have the option to play rather than going to meet for coffee and then going to someones house. I'm not going to repeat how much entry is at the place I go because people seem to not read that

but I wouldn't invite someone to a place that cost then £50 to get in. I'm not unreasonable.

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"To the later posters who haven't read the full thread the place I go is £10 entry for males. Which is what it would cost to go for a drink somewhere.

I don't see meeting someone at their house any more daunting than meeting someone at a club. For all they know I could be a 6ft6 male. Just to play devil's advocate

. Also I have met people one to one before but (also) as previously stated not always worked out safety wise. So I don't believe it's unreasonable of me to ask this if I explain.

As for meeting guys in a club that I go to (also as previously stated) the club does not have a high ratio of single guys. There may only be 1 or 2 on a night and I don't play with couples often "

Blimey, only 1 or 2 single guys in on a night, at £10 entry? That's quite a revelation! Having sat back and thought about this, out of the 14 visits to 6 different clubs as a single guy, I can think of only one night where I was one of a total of 4 single guys in. It was a fancy dress party night, and full of couples in their party clicques, and I soon realised why the local guys had kept away. I won't return there as a single on a similar party night for sure! Apart from that night, there's always been no less than 10-12 single guys, and as many as 25. Conversely; single women in clubs I've seen, usually number 2-3

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

[Removed by poster at 02/01/20 19:56:45]

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Because it means they have to make an effort to actually meet people for real instead of dreaming about it and wanking over a keyboard.

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By *rcadian110Couple over a year ago

Barnsley

Have to say we know the club the op is talking about. Far different from others we have been to. No single guy premium, suitable music at a background level so you can talk and socialise , respectful single guys, spotlessly clean. And the op is a stunning lady.

We meet at clubs if we can as it means if the other couple just don't click with us or vice versa then the night isn't wasted for anyone. There is still a place to play even if it's just within your own couple and there is no pressure. The facilities are there and available if everything goes well and if not, we have still made good friends at least. Playing is always a bonus for us.

Not showing up is just bad manners.

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By *infonyCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Thanks for your replies guys. So it seems the main reasons for not coming are

#1 price (lol - I find this funny)

#2 competition

#3 not wanting to go in case people don't show up

Regarding price, we wouldn’t meet anyone who commented on it being an issue. Whatever it costs, it’s unlikely to be exorbitant and likely much cheaper than a vanilla night out anyway. The rewards can be massive too. So, our advice would be to ignore the cheap tight bastards and block em

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Thanks for your replies guys. So it seems the main reasons for not coming are

#1 price (lol - I find this funny)

#2 competition

#3 not wanting to go in case people don't show up

Bet that was said in a true Yorkshire accent.

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By *ilthyGeordie69Man over a year ago

Carlisle

I had a meet with a lady friend of been talking to for some time on here at a club, the date went fine and it turned out we went to school together, however I was put off meeting women in clubs and going to clubs for life as we cpuld not seem to find any private time and she was enjoying all the attention off the other guys, I left her too it and left the club, I met her privately a few times and had some amazing sex, she invited me back to club as her partner and I declined, we stopped seeing each other because of that and now I could not b3 paid to go yo a club. Buy thats my choice, I think I'm more of a private person and not into people watching me perform like in a circus. That's my own views.

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By *infonyCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Thanks for your replies guys. So it seems the main reasons for not coming are

#1 price (lol - I find this funny)

#2 competition

#3 not wanting to go in case people don't show up

Bet that was said in a true Yorkshire accent.

Not really, that would imply we were the tight bastards

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

I've been to several as a guest of friends and as part of a couple, but only Route 69 midweek as a single guy, mainly because it was going to be very quiet that night. I've always been confident in a couple and had fun as a result, but I'd still be unlikely to go to any as a single guy in general as even when I've popped to the loo on my own it feels like there's a stigma to being a single male with a lot of women and couples, with the look you often get suggesting you're beneath people and woe betide you make eye contact or actually speak. The dynamics are very, very different. It's always easy to get into conversations as part of a couple, but not on my own. I hate it being so and am normally confident and can make conversation with anyone in the outside world. Have to say the costs for single guys would put me off in some places.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In response to the OP, I would deem the reason why people (esp.: males) tend not to meet in clubs is fear of rejection by the person they're there to meet.

I realise there's other people to meet, but if one doesn't 'connect' to somebody there, then I would assume they don't want to have to give themselves some 'hand relief' in the toilets!

Other reasons might (probably) include current relationships, meeting your relations there, your employment, (but I think a club some distance away should alleviate these problems by reducing your chances of being recognised - unless you're famous, of course).

I reckon the perceived competition would play a part (esp. with the more introverted).

The price of attending clubs for many males can be a little daunting too (will they get what they paid for).

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By *havennaturistsCouple over a year ago

Banff

For us, meeting at a club is as close to saying 'if we don't get on, there's plenty of others to choose from'.

We look for intimate friendships with particular people.....no mad rush to fuck anyone that particular night.

'We have all the time in the world'......lol

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Probably the price I’m guessing "

that is one part of it.... i think being brutally honest the other is that a lot of people wont spend money unless there is some guarentee of sex!

don't get me wrong, i love the social side of swinging and in a club you have to be fairly socialable anyway, some people see clubs as "well i've paid my money i deserve some".....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not interested in clubs in the slightest, just not my thing full stop

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry to hear your not having much luck OP but why would someone have to pay to to meet you?

As if your meeting in a club that's what they would have to do and most clubs as we all know charge way more for guys to enter than single women?.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just think of club as a euphemism for discotheque, Damm showing our age here!

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

"Probably the price I’m guessing

that is one part of it.... i think being brutally honest the other is that a lot of people wont spend money unless there is some guarentee of sex!

don't get me wrong, i love the social side of swinging and in a club you have to be fairly socialable anyway, some people see clubs as "well i've paid my money i deserve some"....."

Sadly there are still guys going to clubs who seem to expe t that and feel entitled having paid.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Probably the price I’m guessing

that is one part of it.... i think being brutally honest the other is that a lot of people wont spend money unless there is some guarentee of sex!

don't get me wrong, i love the social side of swinging and in a club you have to be fairly socialable anyway, some people see clubs as "well i've paid my money i deserve some".....

Sadly there are still guys going to clubs who seem to expe t that and feel entitled having paid.

"
I'm a woman and I'd be the same to be honest.why pay to go into a sex club ..not to have sex?

You can go to a pub or club for free if its chat your after

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"Sorry to hear your not having much luck OP but why would someone have to pay to to meet you?

As if your meeting in a club that's what they would have to do and most clubs as we all know charge way more for guys to enter than single women?."

Sorry but no, they aren't paying to meet her, they are paying to enter the club, she's received nothing from it.

This view is exactly what I hate about swinging, and some swingers, if you don't do things their way they throw veiled insults at you.

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By *ENGUYMan over a year ago

Hull

Over the years, I've attended varied venues & meeting styles, including a few clubs across the UK.

I can appreciate how some Males don't enjoy a club experience. Some say it's the Pricing and/or Membership structure which can be off-putting.

Others say it's getting noticed, or being able to break through into each Club's 'scene'.

That latter point I've noticed in numerous clubs. Cliques exist despite some clubs saying they don't.

Equally, I've encountered clubs where after the show-round Tour on the first visit, you're left on your own! Ok, I didn't expect to be spoon-fed or had my hand held through that first time there, but that scenario can be daunting to some.

From my perspective, within my career, generally, I'm off work when clubs are closed or too far away for convenient travelling timings.

Thus, unless I had arranged to attend with someone specific, I'd miss out on going to any club venue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I throw no insults.

The OP says she only meets at clubs so obviously guys have to pay to get into the club.

Prob why alot are saying no thanks or just not turning up.

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By *d4fun73Man over a year ago

Shipley

"I've been to several as a guest of friends and as part of a couple, but only Route 69 midweek as a single guy, mainly because it was going to be very quiet that night. I've always been confident in a couple and had fun as a result, but I'd still be unlikely to go to any as a single guy in general as even when I've popped to the loo on my own it feels like there's a stigma to being a single male with a lot of women and couples, with the look you often get suggesting you're beneath people and woe betide you make eye contact or actually speak. The dynamics are very, very different. It's always easy to get into conversations as part of a couple, but not on my own. I hate it being so and am normally confident and can make conversation with anyone in the outside world. Have to say the costs for single guys would put me off in some places. "

Here here.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"I throw no insults.

The OP says she only meets at clubs so obviously guys have to pay to get into the club.

Prob why alot are saying no thanks or just not turning up."

Really? Asking her why men should pay to meet her isn't bitchy? Come on.

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

I prefer a social meet and then decide whether to go to a club with them or not.

Apart from all the points raised already some guys find it difficult to perform in such an environment and therefore are put off.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No it's not.

It's a simple question.

The OP asked the question.

It's a fact that for a guy to meet her in a club..he will have to pay an entry fee just to enter the club.

I'm not having a pop it's a fact.

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By *good-being-badMan over a year ago

mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

You have your preferences They have therir preferences.. simples

I'm alwayz surprised at the number of threads and posts from folk about those that exclude rather than include.

Look for those that are within your preferences, if its club meets thats your preference, why folk waste time and energy to wonder or try and understand those that are outside is a waste of time and energy.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Hello OP!

This is a brilliant post!!

I’m a single girl playing only in clubs at this moment in time, I started my swinging journey as a SF then met my couples partner in a club, he is off the scene for a while at the moment, and I love the scene so much I decided to come out again and boy oh boy I am glad I have!!!

I would love to give you my view of my journey within the swinging lifestyle!

I agree with you regarding socials, my free time is very limited so meeting in a club is perfect, sit at the bar in a club have a chat see if there is a spark/connection with a hot guy and win win playtime is on!

So for me I love playing with guys and couples also, although I am that girl that only plays upstairs with ladies ha!

However...... how I view club visits is I go with the flow and see the social aspect as the main view for my evening, making friends and connections and if play happens than fabulous, I have been blessed to meet some incredible people on the scene for sure!! And amazingly I have always played each time I have been out and I am very fussy!!!!

I personally look for events that cater for a large amount of single guys or events that are very busy and know I will have fun socially with couples and singles!

I have played with some couples that enjoy loaning their partner (male) out to a single female for fun which is sooo horny and I have met some incredible yummy guys all a chance meetings!

I have arranged to meet guys in clubs and I find this personally tricky as one as I cannot share my face picture on this site. In fact I have only ever planned to meet one guy..... he did show up however his profile is club meets

For me personally I have found the unexpected chances meetings have been incredible!

Townhouse in Birkenhead hold a Milf Monday the first Monday of every month and boy it is busy! I highly recommend that club if it isn’t too far for you, the owners are amazing and run a tight ship and attention to detail is incredible, and even though there are loads of guys there... I feel so so safe in their club x

What I have learnt is that the most amazing thing is walking into a club and looking at a couple or a guy and having an instant connection is the most amazing thing for me ever

I would recommend looking for events that cater singles, greedy girls etc!

I understand about chatting to guys here and then meeting a guy in a club is safe, but there are catfishes galore and the social side of swinging is incredible!

Hope this gives you some clarity of swinging for me and enjoy whatever you decide to do moving forward xx

I'd say that's probably a really good perspective as a single female and while there are pitfalls for women too (gropers, getting followed around, entitled, pushy people etc.) the perspective fir a single man bears no similarity as you're more likely to spend the evening on your own unsure what to do with yourself. I tend to stay around the bar and strike up brief conversations when possible right there so that people can either stay and chat or walk away once they've been served. Even in the friendlier clubs such as Chams there are cliques that look at you like you're dirt, so you then often tend not to move around the place too much in case you get lumped in with the serial wanderers/towel wankers etc. Being in the hot tub can be a place to chat too, but I still feel hypervigilant in case my hand comes into contact with anyone by accident. Hard to strike a balance between showing yourself to be a decent and respectful guy and being seen as suspicious. No wonder a lot of guys won't go to clubs alone. This is far from being a whinge by the way, purely an observation from a single male perspective.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"No it's not.

It's a simple question.

The OP asked the question.

It's a fact that for a guy to meet her in a club..he will have to pay an entry fee just to enter the club.

I'm not having a pop it's a fact."

That isn't what you said in your first post, you said why should they have to pay to meet her, they aren't, they are paying to go to the club.

If you went for a social and the man bought you a drink, is he paying to meet you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

I understood perfectly what you said, I just think it was bitchy and unnecessary and I totally disagree.

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By *infonyCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.

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By *averockrockMan over a year ago

swindon

Price and privacy!

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By *UNCHBOXMan over a year ago

folkestone

I’ve been to clubs as a single guy and a couple (with single woman) and the one thing I find hard work is some couples/single women won’t even engage with you when you try to start a conversation, even though I’m always polite and courteous. I don’t have the sense of entitlement or expectations some single guys have a clubs(I’ve witnessed it) and I’ve been around the scene a long time to know how it works.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

I understood perfectly what you said, I just think it was bitchy and unnecessary and I totally disagree.

"
if you look at my original post I actually say I'm sorry shes not having much luck.

No clue how you take that as being bitchy.

But hey ho.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black."
wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

[Removed by poster at 02/01/20 21:40:01]

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

Oh yeah, those few words then you hit her with the paying to meet comment, really nice! If you don't think it's bitchy, that's fine but don't expect people to let shitty comments slide.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry but look at the guys comments.

They all say the same thing but you choose the only female saying it?

Mmm?

Makes you wonder.

But you have a lovely evening

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"Probably the price I’m guessing

that is one part of it.... i think being brutally honest the other is that a lot of people wont spend money unless there is some guarentee of sex!

don't get me wrong, i love the social side of swinging and in a club you have to be fairly socialable anyway, some people see clubs as "well i've paid my money i deserve some".....

Sadly there are still guys going to clubs who seem to expe t that and feel entitled having paid.

I'm a woman and I'd be the same to be honest.why pay to go into a sex club ..not to have sex?

You can go to a pub or club for free if its chat your after

Men who go to sex clubs (like the private club,birmingham) are paying for sex from sex workers. The OP is talking about swingers clubs. Sex is not guaranteed, you are paying for the facilities. Attitude is reminisent of an entitled male.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

"I’ve been to clubs as a single guy and a couple (with single woman) and the one thing I find hard work is some couples/single women won’t even engage with you when you try to start a conversation, even though I’m always polite and courteous. I don’t have the sense of entitlement or expectations some single guys have a clubs(I’ve witnessed it) and I’ve been around the scene a long time to know how it works. "

Yep, this exactly!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"Sorry but look at the guys comments.

They all say the same thing but you choose the only female saying it?

Mmm?

Makes you wonder.

But you have a lovely evening

I'd love you to show me where anyone else said 'why should we have to pay to meet you?'.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe."

For some of is time is limited. A club offers ladies a safe environment with an option to play. You don't get that in a pub or cafe.

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By *infonyCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!"

I’ll invite you to reflect upon your remarks. Friendly isn’t an adjective I’d use to describe them. Glass houses n all that eh.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

For some of is time is limited. A club offers ladies a safe environment with an option to play. You don't get that in a pub or cafe. "
of course not but for an initial social would you actually pay £40+ ?

I know I wouldnt.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!"

You are infering she's getting paid for sex...... is that friendly?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!

I’ll invite you to reflect upon your remarks. Friendly isn’t an adjective I’d use to describe them. Glass houses n all that eh."
I stand by everything I say and I stand by I wasnt having a go at the OP.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

For some of is time is limited. A club offers ladies a safe environment with an option to play. You don't get that in a pub or cafe. of course not but for an initial social would you actually pay £40+ ?

I know I wouldnt."

Depending where you go, meeting for a social could cost that much.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!

You are infering she's getting paid for sex...... is that friendly?"
nope I didnt say that.i said why should anyone pay to meet someone.did I mention sex?

Nope

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

I know I wouldnt.

Depending where you go, meeting for a social could cost that much. "
obviously a coffee is more expensive where you go than me.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!

You are infering she's getting paid for sex...... is that friendly?nope I didnt say that.i said why should anyone pay to meet someone.did I mention sex?

Nope "

Yep:

"I'm a woman and I'd be the same to be honest.why pay to go into a sex club ..not to have sex?"

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sorry to hear your not having much luck OP but why would someone have to pay to to meet you?

As if your meeting in a club that's what they would have to do and most clubs as we all know charge way more for guys to enter than single women?."
there we go..no mention of paying for sex.

Just for you that didnt actually read what I wrote

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"Sorry to hear your not having much luck OP but why would someone have to pay to to meet you?

As if your meeting in a club that's what they would have to do and most clubs as we all know charge way more for guys to enter than single women?.there we go..no mention of paying for sex.

Just for you that didnt actually read what I wrote

I read and have quoted you above.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!

You are infering she's getting paid for sex...... is that friendly?nope I didnt say that.i said why should anyone pay to meet someone.did I mention sex?

Nope

Yep:

"I'm a woman and I'd be the same to be honest.why pay to go into a sex club ..not to have sex?""
afraid you got that muddled up with another reply I was replying too

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

For some of is time is limited. A club offers ladies a safe environment with an option to play. You don't get that in a pub or cafe. "

To be fair it's also a cheap way to do things for a single woman and often a very expensive one for a single guy. There isn't any comparison, although it's up to the individual blokes as to whether they feel the cost to get into a club is justified,though to be fair it should be seen as just that, not paying to meet a woman. It could be perceived as 'entitled' from a woman's point of view if they were to expect a guy to do so. Not suggesting for one minute that's what the OP thinks by any means, but we often talk about entitled men, so by the same standard we can apply that to women and couples under certain circumstances potentially too.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

I know I wouldnt.

Depending where you go, meeting for a social could cost that much. obviously a coffee is more expensive where you go than me."

Not everyone just goes for coffee, they might go for food or something else. Remember, yours isn't the only way to do things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it would be a better idea for a blanket price.

I dont see why males need to pay way more than cpls or single females when everyone is there for the same thing?

Or an entry fee then if you want to use the rooms then pay for that.

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By *averockrockMan over a year ago

swindon

I guess anyone can spend money the way they prefer..some places are cheaper than others but at the end of the day it is what it is!

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"I think it would be a better idea for a blanket price.

I dont see why males need to pay way more than cpls or single females when everyone is there for the same thing?

Or an entry fee then if you want to use the rooms then pay for that."

Everyone isn't there for the same thing though

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I get that but again my point is...men need to pay alot more to enter most swingers clubs so with nothing promised why would they pay just to say hello?.if it's a social go to a public pub or cafe.

I know I wouldnt.

Depending where you go, meeting for a social could cost that much. obviously a coffee is more expensive where you go than me.

Not everyone just goes for coffee, they might go for food or something else. Remember, yours isn't the only way to do things. "
of course it's not.

I'm married so I only do coffee..dinner or lunch is more like a date to me.i do that with real friends.im here for sex.nothing more.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it would be a better idea for a blanket price.

I dont see why males need to pay way more than cpls or single females when everyone is there for the same thing?

Or an entry fee then if you want to use the rooms then pay for that.

Everyone isn't there for the same thing though

"
exactly!! So why should 1 pay more than the other?

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By *essica jamiesonWoman over a year ago

edinburgh

"As said before I've been to many a club and sauna I'll never pay to get in so unless there Free entry it's a no thanks just not for me"
But u will possibly use their loo, sit in their chairs, chat to other folk " inside their premises" lol lol..

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"I think it would be a better idea for a blanket price.

I dont see why males need to pay way more than cpls or single females when everyone is there for the same thing?

Or an entry fee then if you want to use the rooms then pay for that."

This has been done to death. Do a quick forum search for the reasons why it won't work. If you feel passionately about it why don't you challenge it in the courts?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont go to clubs

I'd rather pay for a nice hotel room.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"I think it would be a better idea for a blanket price.

I dont see why males need to pay way more than cpls or single females when everyone is there for the same thing?

Or an entry fee then if you want to use the rooms then pay for that.

Everyone isn't there for the same thing though

exactly!! So why should 1 pay more than the other?"

Honestly, this has been explained more than once.

As private members clubs they are allowed to charge less for underrepresented groups, in this case, women and couples.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

"I dont go to clubs

I'd rather pay for a nice hotel room.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *infonyCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Your looking for an argument?

Il dumb it down for you ..

If a guy wants to meet her...he will have to pay to enter the club that she is in.

Hence paying to meet her.yes it's not going in her pocket..but he will still have to pay to meet her.

Get it?

Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.wow this forum is a friendly bunch.

Not!

I’ll invite you to reflect upon your remarks. Friendly isn’t an adjective I’d use to describe them. Glass houses n all that eh.I stand by everything I say and I stand by I wasnt having a go at the OP."

You: ‘I’ll dumb it down for you’

Nuff said luv.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And that's their right to do so.

But I'm answering the OPs question why folk dont want to meet in clubs.

Because they would have to pay over the odds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Christ you lot are hard work.

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By *essica jamiesonWoman over a year ago

edinburgh

"Thanks for your replies guys. So it seems the main reasons for not coming are

#1 price (lol - I find this funny)

#2 competition

#3 not wanting to go in case people don't show up

"
hahaha!! Brill xxx

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"And that's their right to do so.

But I'm answering the OPs question why folk dont want to meet in clubs.

Because they would have to pay over the odds."

She had already stated multiple times that the club she goes to has an equal pricing structure.

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By *rank speakerMan over a year ago

Worcester

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Well I've checked you out, and can't think why you're having a problem? Perhaps they're just a little wimpy when they actually see you in the flesh? So many guys are such cowards???????

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And as others have said..obviously guys that shes asking dont want to pay to enter the club to meet her.

It's all down to preferences.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

I do think it might be a better idea to grab a drink before you go in, however, if you’ve already arranged it and they still don’t turn up without letting you know then yes, they’re just being a knob unfortunately.

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By *eeleyWoman over a year ago

Dudley

"And as others have said..obviously guys that shes asking dont want to pay to enter the club to meet her.

It's all down to preferences."

You keep changing your answers, it's like talking to a yo-yo.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Yep, standing someone up or ghosting them is inexcusable, not to mention pathetic! Not a fan of people who stop chatting mud conversation for no reason either. Everyone has the right to change their mind, but sadly common courtesy isn't common these days.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And as others have said..obviously guys that shes asking dont want to pay to enter the club to meet her.

It's all down to preferences.

You keep changing your answers, it's like talking to a yo-yo. "
why am I changing my answer? Iv said this all along.

Because they dont want to pay.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Coventry

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Well I've checked you out, and can't think why you're having a problem? Perhaps they're just a little wimpy when they actually see you in the flesh? So many guys are such cowards???????

Good luck!"

Yep, I concur! Gorgeous and classy lady, amazeballs eyes and lots to like, so can't see why guys wouldn't in terms of your personal qualities.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple over a year ago

North west ish

I think it's pretty rude to be honest.

So my question is to people what would put you off meeting someone at a club? I don't mind honest answers I'm not easily offended.

And my second question is why do people arrange to meet up outside of clubs and not show/drive off. That question goes to women as well as I know women are bad for time wasting

Well I've checked you out, and can't think why you're having a problem? Perhaps they're just a little wimpy when they actually see you in the flesh? So many guys are such cowards???????

Good luck!

Yep, I concur! Gorgeous and classy lady, amazeballs eyes and lots to like, so can't see why guys wouldn't in terms of your personal qualities.

I agree!

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By *infonyCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"Christ you lot are hard work."

No pain no gain lass. Keep going.

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By *aomilatteCouple over a year ago

Midlands

Great thread! Kept us entertained! Someone start Part 2

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