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Clique
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We are both new to the scene. We expected to find people to be social.
This isn't the case. How are we supposed to get to know others when they won't speak unless they know you.
They're not going to know us unless they speak. Talk about being made to feel uncomfortable. |
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Not everyone is like this, try not to be disheartened. If there is one thing about fab that we have learnt is to not take too much to heart otherwise you will end up miserable.
If someone is not willing to chat, it wasn't meant to be and you will find some lively fabbers on here, just takes a little time and whole lot of patience xxx
Keep joining in with forum posts, which a great way to get started chatting xx
Hope this helps xx |
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Fab isn't very good for making friends.
Clubs are way better for it but can be cliquey too.
It's strange but if you go a few times people get to know you and you'll be 'in' the clique before you realise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are both new to the scene. We expected to find people to be social.
This isn't the case. How are we supposed to get to know others when they won't speak unless they know you.
They're not going to know us unless they speak. Talk about being made to feel uncomfortable. "
Events Events Events |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach |
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"It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach"
Try different clubs, and also depends what type of event you go to and who is there xx townhouse do a newbies and notsos night and this is a great night for meeting others xx |
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"It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach"
I've not found this in any North West clubs and I'm a Tgirl and not to everyone's taste but never been excluded. Couples are always made to feel welcome. Maybe us "northerners" are just more friendly |
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The local socials (or munches) are the best place for introductions as clubs can be intimidating when you’re new.
Once you know people from a social arrange to see them at a club and then you’ll be introduced to more people.
Friends of friends are always accepted a little easier than complete strangers.
It shouldn’t be that way but people can be suspicious of strangers because of the nature of our lifestyle. |
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We've only ever done couples nights at clubs and, like the OP, find them a bit cliquey. If we went to nights that also admit single men, would we find the couples more willing to mix? And is that upside worth the downside of wanking meerkats?! |
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"Fab isn't very good for making friends.
Clubs are way better for it but can be cliquey too.
It's strange but if you go a few times people get to know you and you'll be 'in' the clique before you realise. "
Just dont get this clique thing everyone goes on about ,when anyone goes to any social event anywhere you would talk to people you know first  |
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"Fab isn't very good for making friends.
Clubs are way better for it but can be cliquey too.
It's strange but if you go a few times people get to know you and you'll be 'in' the clique before you realise.
Just dont get this clique thing everyone goes on about ,when anyone goes to any social event anywhere you would talk to people you know first "
Thats the thing, it's totally normal to go to a club and catch up with all the friends you haven't seen in a while. We do it too. But take a step back and see it from a newbies perspective, you're hanging around in a group and it's hard for them to approach.
We realised we were part of this problem when we became regulars at clubs. We remember how it felt to be new so we always make a point to talk to the new people. We don't want to be known as cliquey so we do our best to make everyone feel welcome. We even put up meets when we plan to go to a club so people can message us on here before we go. Seems to make it easier to approach us in a club.
Regulars define it as catching up with friends, which is true.
New people who don't know anyone there will automatically view it as big groups/cliques that are hard to infiltrate.
Both views are valid to different people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife and I are very shy and if we had made friends in a club then we would talk to them for our own comfort.
Don’t be disheartened guys as you are both fit and will just get stronger in the scene.
Tony |
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"We've only ever done couples nights at clubs and, like the OP, find them a bit cliquey. If we went to nights that also admit single men, would we find the couples more willing to mix? And is that upside worth the downside of wanking meerkats?!"
I’ve only ever been on mixed nights (as a single guy obviously), and know how stand-offish couples and cliquey can be. I thought it was just towards single guys (or me specifically), so pleased to see couples can get the ‘persona non grata’ feeling too.
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"It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach"
We've off to the Attic on the 28th if you see us (Lou's hair is very noticeable) say hi we always have time to chat to anyone x |
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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon tyne |
We always found friends in the smoking area (we vape). People seem a little more relaxed and willing to chat there. So we made friends there and it continued on in the club. A lot of people there didn't even smoke, they just went out for some air and we all got chatting. Some clubs can seem cliquey, but once you've been a few times it gets easier to chat to people. In the past we have put a status up if we are going to a certain club and to message of anyone else is going would like to meet up and that's helped a few times too.
Gem |
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"It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach"
It's a difficult one. When people go to clubs regularly and know others well they will naturally talk to them. We always go out of our way to chat with newbies and include them in chat and play.
I don't know if you're smokers but even if you're not the smoking area is always very sociable.
Please don't let it put you off as clubs can be the best of places for fun. Which ones have you tried?
Mrs x |
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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
Still think the biggest clique on Fab is the “I’m not in the clique” clique  .
Same with clubs really, I’m sure. Being more serious though, I think DemolitionLovers post is very true. People do gravitate towards those they know and it’s not meant in a bad way. It’s good if people can see how it looks from the outside though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice would be to attend your local organised social, go a few times to get to know the regulars, find out which clubs they go to and then go there, that way you know a few friendly faces when you go in.
This is how I did it.
Best of luck |
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"Fab isn't very good for making friends.
Clubs are way better for it but can be cliquey too.
It's strange but if you go a few times people get to know you and you'll be 'in' the clique before you realise.
Just dont get this clique thing everyone goes on about ,when anyone goes to any social event anywhere you would talk to people you know first
Thats the thing, it's totally normal to go to a club and catch up with all the friends you haven't seen in a while. We do it too. But take a step back and see it from a newbies perspective, you're hanging around in a group and it's hard for them to approach.
We realised we were part of this problem when we became regulars at clubs. We remember how it felt to be new so we always make a point to talk to the new people. We don't want to be known as cliquey so we do our best to make everyone feel welcome. We even put up meets when we plan to go to a club so people can message us on here before we go. Seems to make it easier to approach us in a club.
Regulars define it as catching up with friends, which is true.
New people who don't know anyone there will automatically view it as big groups/cliques that are hard to infiltrate.
Both views are valid to different people. "
We attend one of the most friendly clubs about,on one very quiet night there was 3 new couples in for the first time visit to a club,every member of our group went over and spoke to them and invited them to join us,one couple did and had a grate night ,the other two didn't and the next day posted on the web site it was cliquey .sometimes you just carnt win  |
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"It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach"
Some clubs, and particularly some events can feel like this.
Not everywhere is the same.
Some people don’t realise they are doing it - it’s a social outing to catch up with friends, maybe the one a month they get, and they just don’t notice. Others might be a bit more deliberate. But don’t let it put you off!!
Try different clubs, or different events. Events where there are singles too will break up the couples monopoly if that’s not for you.
Read the club reviews & look out for reviews from newbies rather than regulars
Also, make sure you’re putting yourself in an approachable place. Sit at the bar maybe, and chat to others - don’t wait for others to chat to you. Join in with people at the bar, break the ice with small talk.
I host events & some newbies are so nervous that it’s hard to start a conversation, or they are worried they may give off the ‘wrong signal’ and they just want a social, or to play with each other.
If you’re ever in the North West OP, come along to Townhouse - we would be more than happy to have you & always pleased to meet new friends
Good luck xx |
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"We've only ever done couples nights at clubs and, like the OP, find them a bit cliquey. If we went to nights that also admit single men, would we find the couples more willing to mix? And is that upside worth the downside of wanking meerkats?!"
If you’ve never been to a mixed night, how do you know you’ll get ‘wanking meerkats’?
If you choose the right club, they will manage the ratios, and single guys will be made fully aware that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.
And a mixed event will also ha e single females as well, so it balances the ratio out.
Find a club, and an event that you’re comfortable with & give it a go. What have you got to lose?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a slightly ‘different’ couple, we were worried when we first started going to clubs but I have to say it was fine. We tend to stay around the bar area and have found people to be really friendly.
As others have mentioned, the smoking areas tend to be a good place to chat and get to know folk.
Persevere OP and it will get better. Good luck.
V |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Club Clique can seem like that to some people and there can be lot's of different reasons.
Yes there can be the pretty, young or elite clique in clubs trying to keep a control on the group circle but there can be more innocent things that you might persive as clique when it's not.
We have been known to get tied up chatting with groups of people we know and end up getting well past midnight before realising we didn't get a chance to meet anyone new.
Our advice is to try and pre network by messaging or put a meet up out to people, lots of people arrange to meet people in a pub/bar near to the club before hand, if its a busy club try to arrive early and be relatively realistic about who might be interested meeting with you both and failing that just go up and break the ice with them!
Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Just remember it's not all about sex you may find some people that you might have a good social bond with to chat and have a giggle with along the way 
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab isn't very good for making friends.
Clubs are way better for it but can be cliquey too.
It's strange but if you go a few times people get to know you and you'll be 'in' the clique before you realise.
Just dont get this clique thing everyone goes on about ,when anyone goes to any social event anywhere you would talk to people you know first
Thats the thing, it's totally normal to go to a club and catch up with all the friends you haven't seen in a while. We do it too. But take a step back and see it from a newbies perspective, you're hanging around in a group and it's hard for them to approach.
We realised we were part of this problem when we became regulars at clubs. We remember how it felt to be new so we always make a point to talk to the new people. We don't want to be known as cliquey so we do our best to make everyone feel welcome. We even put up meets when we plan to go to a club so people can message us on here before we go. Seems to make it easier to approach us in a club.
Regulars define it as catching up with friends, which is true.
New people who don't know anyone there will automatically view it as big groups/cliques that are hard to infiltrate.
Both views are valid to different people. "
I agree with you on this . I like to talk to new faces in the club's. It's only a few weeks ago we saw you guys in Quest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Socials, it’s the way forward!
There’s always something going on, especially this time of year.
If you can travel then look outside your usual areas, I travel a good amount of miles for socials as you meet old friends and new.
This last weekend I met a dozen new people and that’s no easy feat for me with my anti social socialising face  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's clubs that we're refering to.
People just hang around in groups and we try to tap in but it just seems awkward when they look at you gone out if you approach"
I've found the smoking areas are easier to talk to people, even those that don't smoke pop out and have a natter. |
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Clubs are a great option to meet new people , and the fact you both are new, in clubs the staff and management always are the first one they will make you feel both welcome and comfortable . Theres always lovely people in clubs and really easy you both will found how relaxed and easy is to introcuce yourselves and make friends |
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By *ady23Woman
over a year ago
Coventry |
"We are both new to the scene. We expected to find people to be social.
This isn't the case. How are we supposed to get to know others when they won't speak unless they know you.
They're not going to know us unless they speak. Talk about being made to feel uncomfortable. "
In our experience people have been lovely and we try to be sociable and give friendly chats at clubs. It takes time but we were lucky and met 2 great couple a who put us at ease socially on the first visit. Persevere |
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