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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well DH and I have been thinking about hotwifing for a while but nerves seem to keep getting the better of us, we have met a number of potential candidates through both FS and private chats but seem to stall when it comes to actual meetings, both of us are nervous about our and their expectations VS the reality and really don't want to attend and find out we or they aren't interested or feel like a we have no connection, so we're just wondering if (in your experience) the thought of a first meet is way more nerve wracking than the reality and if it is usually as awkward as we feel it might be if there's no 'sparks'
As an aside, what is everyone's advice as to how to best meet someone?, through FS?, go to a club? (and if so any recommendation in the South East?)
Thanks in advance for your responses...
B&A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nerves are normal usually on both sides personally I go for a social first and see if there is a attraction first, the first time I went playing alone I was very nervous but go with the flow and trust your instincts is my advice x nancie x |
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I think a club would be ideal for you. You can socialise with like minded people without pressure to play. You will perhaps be able to watch others play and may feel like you want to join in. Equally you may just want to go into a private room and enjoy yourselves alone.
Sort out your rules and boundaries before doing anything be it a private meet or club.
Have lots of fun whatever you decide
Michele x |
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We found similar when we joined, where to start, what if the person you meet you don't click with and so on.
We took the view got to start somewhere so arranged a meet with the most promising sounding and looking guy, specifically said we will meet at a pub and it may well just be a drink and a chat and made sure he was cool with that. Plus it works both ways, he might have wanted to run away.
None of the above stopped me (male) from being a complete bag of nerves. Sometimes in life you got to take the jump, and in this case, what have you got to lose. |
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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon tyne |
We always start with a social first. Grab a coffee or a pint so we can all suss out if we are attracted to each other and see if there is any chemistry. If there's not then there's no hard feelings, we had a nice social and we all move on. If we all get on and there's chemistry then we plan a playdate. Saves turning up for a playdate, meeting each other for the first time and realising there's no spark. We are always super nervous before a meet, but that's part of the fun for us. We usually have a small drink to take the edge of the nerves and then just go and hope for the best. All our meets have turned out great.
Gem |
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I've always had a social meet first, just to make sure there is some connection and positivity.
Now, by mutual choice, a couple immediately became retiring to a hotel room or house.
Most have then been a next night or weekend meet.
There's no pressure, and I've walked away from one and had a lady leave another and message me 'no thanks'.
The buzz as you walk through a door, knowing whats on the way, is amazing.
I'd also add that every meet I've had has been with someone/couple who've been better at communicating than any 'normal' partner I've had. They know what they want, and happy to try and achieve that. And it's been fun. |
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We are fairly new to this but seem to have stumbled onto what we see as our "system".
On our very first social meet we were both a bag of nerves, almost shaking. But like with anything the more you do it the better you get. We even recently did a group social so the the nerves have obviously subsided. That not to say we arnt excited etc.
Step one is a chat on kik for a few days to see if the conversation is OK and to out time waster.
Step two we meet our potential guests in a pub (use google to peek inside for any cost quiet corners). If theres a spark then we come away excited and look for a play date and continue the flirty talk on kik. If there is NOT a spark then we view it as a nice afternoon and a drink with a nice guy we have been chatting to. We say goodbye and good luck.
Step 3 is book an entire house or flat on AirBnB with a keybox so we dont have to meet owners.
With regards to you moving to a meet for the first time it is very difficult. We talked about it for months and then just said "what the hell, lets do it".
But you need pre defined rules and what you will and wont do. Talk about it .... a lot!
Select your guest wisely, there is no rush. If you dont have that spark move on. if your not sure, have a second social after all this is a big step.
We were mindful also that for our first time if it wasnt what we expected it would be our first and last. but what happened on our first time was during de-brief after (lol) we said "hay that was pretty good but sure if we were more relaxed then it could be even better - lets try again".
Sorry rambling a bit, just trying to impart how we also felt and know how you feel.
summary: find the spark and keep meeting people socially until you find it. there is no rush. We dont go to clubs and only use fab BTW
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Nerves are pretty normal, we are both nervous before meets. We are fairly new, but we’ve never had a bad experience.
Clubs (in our limited experience) are great.
We are in the same town as you, feel free to message for a chat if it helps  |
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