FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Asking your partner to swing?
Asking your partner to swing?
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By *amF OP Man
over a year ago
South East |
I rarely use this site now as now in a relationship. Mine and my girlfriends sex life is good, when we do have sex now and again. Not as often as we like I suppose.
I’ve always been intrigued by the fact of swinging/ seeing her with other men (black males ideally) to add more excitement to our sex life. However, I’m not sure on how to go about this or communicate this without jeopardising our relationship, or by looking weird for asking this to her.
I’m wondering whether other couples have had similar situations, and what they did to hint/ ask their partner whether they would be interested.
If all goes well, I would suggest to her about opening a joint account on here and see how we go.
Thoughts and options would be appreciated.
Thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I rarely use this site now as now in a relationship. Mine and my girlfriends sex life is good, when we do have sex now and again. Not as often as we like I suppose.
I’ve always been intrigued by the fact of swinging/ seeing her with other men (black males ideally) to add more excitement to our sex life. However, I’m not sure on how to go about this or communicate this without jeopardising our relationship, or by looking weird for asking this to her.
I’m wondering whether other couples have had similar situations, and what they did to hint/ ask their partner whether they would be interested.
If all goes well, I would suggest to her about opening a joint account on here and see how we go.
Thoughts and options would be appreciated.
Thanks "
Happy to chat over PM if youd like msg me. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I'm not a couple, but... I think "asking her to swing" is the wrong way to think about it. It sets it up as something that you want, and that puts pressure on her. She could feel that she has the choice of doing something she doesn't really want to do, or disappointing you. It would be better if you can let it be her free choice.
Does she know that you are / used to be a swinger? In your position I might, during the appropriate kind of conversation, confess to some previous adventure, then "have you ever wanted to do something like that?" Whatever her fantasy is, persue it (there's a good chance it doesn't look like yours, and you should be making this about what she wants). And if she isn't interested at all, leave it there. |
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If you aren't able to talk openly about fantasies, including swinging, then in my opinion you shouldn't be considering it.
Start by improving your communication do that bringing up a fantasy doesn’t make either of you scared the other will walk away. Once you're confident in that have a long and honest discussion about what you "both" want, this isn't about you getting to watch her with a black guy unless that is exactly what she wants too. Be prepared for her to refuse and if she does respect that. |
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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon tyne |
Literally said to him, have you every considered a threesome? And went from there. If he had said no and he wasn't interested that would have been that and I wouldn't have brought it up again. Just ask! You may be pleasantly surprised
Gem |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Asking your other half to swing could break a relationship so I am not surprised you are wary, however instead of just asking outright maybe both write down your fantasies on a piece of paper with yes , no or maybe next to it as to whether you would like to try any of them out. Then swop papers and see if any match.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think "most" people would be into it, wether they think of it initially or get speaking about it with a partner and end up trying it."
I actually disagree and think most people wouldn't. I think an awful lot of people get into it because their partner wants to and they feel they have to or lose them. I know sites like these seem full of happy couples living the dream but if you actually get to know some of them you'll find the reality is very different. Often it's not about nerves or worrying what people will think or insecurity or inhibitions, it's that they genuinely don't want to do it and they wouldn't enjoy it if they did. Sexual exploration isn't important to everyone. |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Asking your other half to swing could break a relationship so I am not surprised you are wary, however instead of just asking outright maybe both write down your fantasies on a piece of paper with yes , no or maybe next to it as to whether you would like to try any of them out. Then swop papers and see if any match.
"
This is a great idea! I dont think you can ASK someone but this way is a good ice breaker xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve had a single lurking profile on here for around four years basically just enjoying the pictures and reading the French chat.
Made the profile blander than bland(like me) and didn’t send messages or of course receive any and mentioned I’d love to watch my wife play to her many times.
For years she was a very Asexual person and orgasms never mattered to her and she just didn’t feel the need for any.
Now after 22 years we have a couples profile on here and we are looking for our first play mate but I’ve allowed everything to be at my wife’s pace and never try to push her this way or that.
I got her on here by telling her that a naughty picture she sent me was so so hot and of course she wouldn’t believe me so I suggested that she open a single account on here and to my surprise she did.!!!!
Fuck me it went mental and she loved it, the flirting ,the compliments and after over four thousand messages in six weeks the wank bunnies and fakes spoilt it for her so we closed it down.
Now we are going again as a couple but with only her playing and it’s been good so far!!
I suggest you talk about it but go slowly but if you two are not strong then don’t bother.
And like donkey sex when the fun stops you stop!!
Good luck and don’t be ashamed of who or what you are or want as life is so so short.
Tony |
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You can't make another human interested if they're not... And you can't "ask her to start swinging".
However an adult couple should be able to talk about each other's sexual fantasies, interests and history. You can always ask how she feels about the idea of swinging or inviting another person into bed. |
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By *WillowxWoman
over a year ago
Oo err Devon |
I asked my other half about swinging... It was quite funny...
It got to a stage where our relationship was a serious one... But I wanted to explore some other.. Fantisies and parts of myself I had never had chance to. In the end I decided if this was going to be a long term relation ship I would have to ask...
We talk about all sorts anyhow and are very open with each other.. So that made it easier... But I started talkingg about things I would like to try sexually.. And enquired if he had ever had or wanted a threesome.. And then blurted out that I wanted to try swinging! hahaha
But I guess talki g to each other about sex... Previous partners... (I like to talk about this.. But might not be to your partners taste) . But just talki g in general about sex and fantisies may help make a route into talking about swinging. |
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"I think "most" people would be into it, wether they think of it initially or get speaking about it with a partner and end up trying it."
I don’t agree. Swinging is a minority pastime. Even the idea of it shocks more people than it interests.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She asked me to go out and fuck hot girls. I’ve just got to film it and show her! We go to parties and both fuck other couples and she’s actually allowed to go out and fuck who she wants but she’s not bothered! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you aren't able to talk openly about fantasies, including swinging, then in my opinion you shouldn't be considering it.
Start by improving your communication do that bringing up a fantasy doesn’t make either of you scared the other will walk away. Once you're confident in that have a long and honest discussion about what you "both" want, this isn't about you getting to watch her with a black guy unless that is exactly what she wants too. Be prepared for her to refuse and if she does respect that. "
This is sound advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talking about our fantasies was key for us..
We decided to try swinging after we spoke about our fantasies, we started with the MFF as we felt that’s where our comfort zone was and boy was we wrong.. we soon found our boundaries went far past that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are couples sex quiz's online where you both fill in seperately and it only shows you via email mutual results, saves any blushes.
I did it with my ex first in the first few weeks for fun and was surprised by what she ticked. Suggest it as a bit of fun and see what you discover. |
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I told my ex husband (well before we were wed) that i enjoyed sex and i wasnt looking for monogamy.
We had various conversations and tried swinging together before we wed.
He told me he understood it best with a breakfast analogy.
Why have to pick 1 breakfast for the rest of your life, when there's your favourite as a staple. But other times you'd like to try and things you may occasionally fancy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Literally said to him, have you every considered a threesome? And went from there. If he had said no and he wasn't interested that would have been that and I wouldn't have brought it up again. Just ask! You may be pleasantly surprised
Gem"
We were the same. Originally looking for threesomes.. well we do most now haha!! |
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"There are couples sex quiz's online where you both fill in seperately and it only shows you via email mutual results, saves any blushes.
I did it with my ex first in the first few weeks for fun and was surprised by what she ticked. Suggest it as a bit of fun and see what you discover. "
Where is this quiz......pls ??? |
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By *ltrMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
Did not work out well for me asking her if she was interested in swinging she loved it that much
she moved on to a guy as his fuck buddy and several other guys behind my back so beware |
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We've have been together 20 odd years so when i asked the wife about any fantasies she had I was pretty shocked to hear she likes idea of being with another women, (she's only ever been with one person and that's me. ) after the initial surprise and a giggle I asked her would she go through with it if we found some ond she liked. She said she didn't know and didn't think anyone would be interested but we gave fab a try and and that was that. She's definitely bi lol
We are yet to try her other fantasy of being wanked over by a couple of guys but will happen when she's ready  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d say trust your gut instinct on the likely reply and outcome, and as you’re asking on here, I’d assume you’re not sure it’d be a yes.
My ex wife was a no, never asked her, I just knew. My ex-GF was a lot more sexually liberated, so we spoke about it one Sunday morning about 4 months into the relationship (ended up having a very hot and steamy lay in!). Again though, gut instinct was that even if it was a no, it wouldn’t be the end for us.
Even if it’s a yes, it’s a big step from agreeing to doing. In the 3 years we were together, the topic came up a few times but we never really went through with it apart from one evening on holiday.
Overall I’d say be very careful. You’re on here a a single Guy, if you ask her and it’s a horrified no, then a whole can of worms will be opened with potentially devastating results. |
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Guy here. The last four girlfriends I’ve had have come swinging with me , on the fist date I tell them what I do , don’t hide what I do and honest from day one , up to them if our relationship goes further , too many guys have girlfriends and never tell them the truth or hide the fact they are on here , dishonesty will get you no where except in the forums asking for help on how to tell your wife of girlfriend your unfaithful. Piss myself if wifey came home and said I’ve got a secret life I need to tell you about , |
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"I rarely use this site now as now in a relationship. Mine and my girlfriends sex life is good, when we do have sex now and again. Not as often as we like I suppose.
I’ve always been intrigued by the fact of swinging/ seeing her with other men (black males ideally) to add more excitement to our sex life. However, I’m not sure on how to go about this or communicate this without jeopardising our relationship, or by looking weird for asking this to her.
I’m wondering whether other couples have had similar situations, and what they did to hint/ ask their partner whether they would be interested.
If all goes well, I would suggest to her about opening a joint account on here and see how we go.
Thoughts and options would be appreciated.
Thanks "
If she knew you were on here whilst "dating" her what do you think she would do? |
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"Guy here. The last four girlfriends I’ve had have come swinging with me , on the fist date I tell them what I do , don’t hide what I do and honest from day one , up to them if our relationship goes further , too many guys have girlfriends and never tell them the truth or hide the fact they are on here , dishonesty will get you no where except in the forums asking for help on how to tell your wife of girlfriend your unfaithful. Piss myself if wifey came home and said I’ve got a secret life I need to tell you about , "
That is the reason I only date people that I met on here x |
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It was terrible when I suggested it to her, whilst d*unk  took many years to talk around etc. Happy to chat more if you like, make sure you are prepared for all outcomes though if you do ask her and also think about how you would feet if it did actually happen. I found the reality a lot harder to deal with than the fantasy. Very hot though |
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By *amF OP Man
over a year ago
South East |
Update:
So for a weeks of thinking of asking her, it came out while having sex.
I said to her it would be hot if we had a thressome. She looked a bit concerned at first and she said what with another women? I said no with a man. She was a bit shocked I said that, but she said that would be interesting.
So the conversation went on and we talked about this more while in bed. It seemed like she was coming to terms with it more, and she said maybe one day, we’ll see.
So I was thinking of saying to her about this site when she’s ready, and browsing for males on here. Would any males (preferably black) be interested in introducing us one day maybe if she wants to progress further?
I will post a further update soon hopefully. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update:
So for a weeks of thinking of asking her, it came out while having sex.
I said to her it would be hot if we had a thressome. She looked a bit concerned at first and she said what with another women? I said no with a man. She was a bit shocked I said that, but she said that would be interesting.
So the conversation went on and we talked about this more while in bed. It seemed like she was coming to terms with it more, and she said maybe one day, we’ll see.
So I was thinking of saying to her about this site when she’s ready, and browsing for males on here. Would any males (preferably black) be interested in introducing us one day maybe if she wants to progress further?
I will post a further update soon hopefully. "
This sounds more like it's for you than her |
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I don't think that's something to bring up in a new relationship. That's time for you two to get established, build trust, etc.
Saying that, I've always discussed it *before* starting a relationship, as it's pretty essential to me.
Failing that, a simple "have you ever considered a threesome?" conversation goes a long way!  |
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"Update:
So for a weeks of thinking of asking her, it came out while having sex.
I said to her it would be hot if we had a thressome. She looked a bit concerned at first and she said what with another women? I said no with a man. She was a bit shocked I said that, but she said that would be interesting.
So the conversation went on and we talked about this more while in bed. It seemed like she was coming to terms with it more, and she said maybe one day, we’ll see.
So I was thinking of saying to her about this site when she’s ready, and browsing for males on here. Would any males (preferably black) be interested in introducing us one day maybe if she wants to progress further?
I will post a further update soon hopefully. "
Wait until you've set up a couple's profile so that you can approach men together. You don't want a man who will express interest in a woman he's never seen with your partner, do you? |
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