FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > men looking for REGULAR nsa - how is that not a relationship?
men looking for REGULAR nsa - how is that not a relationship?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'd been away for a year or two and upon rejoining I have been somewhat puzzled to see the vast majority of men here now say they would like to find a REGULAR partner to meet one-on-one, but without the commitment/drama/strings (or other words to that effect).
Are women really that pressing for... what are women pressing for exactly? And if you have regular arrangements with someone, isn't that a form of commitment? What are the types of commitment these men are looking to avoid?
I would love to hear people's experiences or reasons for wanting this, how they understand this particular setup. I am genuinely perplexed by this trend, and it is probably because I am lacking perspective so please enlighten me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm looking for regular NSA. It means to me more than just a one off but without exclusivity or commitment from either side. It also means (to me) to meet more frequently than once every few months. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quite an alpha male viewpoint?
We all make good and bad choices, but a stereotypical view is somewhat naive in my book.
I say all blokes should learn to understand what makes a lady tick? Then they’ll be no drama, etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"NSA to me means a one off to me. If someones after regular then it falls in the fb or fwb section. But that's just my opinion. "
I share this view, but apparently we are the minority |
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I'm so far out of the loop where dating, casual sex and relationships are concerned that my opinion is probably very out of date.
However, if people are just fucking with no involvement beyond the time they're together I'd say that's no strings attached. Any more than that is a relationship.
People like to justify casual fucking to themselves in various ways and giving it a title helps.
I have noticed in my time on fab that NSA relationships are rarely NSA for both parties |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The answer is in your question.
Some women think they are in a relationship because you have met more than a few times.
NSA means no strings attached, so no obligation, no commitment, no exclusivity and so on. It doesnt exclude the possibility of meetimg repeatedly but it does make it clear that its just sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm looking for regular NSA. It means to me more than just a one off but without exclusivity or commitment from either side. It also means (to me) to meet more frequently than once every few months."
Exactly the above!  |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"The answer is in your question.
Some women think they are in a relationship because you have met more than a few times.
NSA means no strings attached, so no obligation, no commitment, no exclusivity and so on. It doesnt exclude the possibility of meetimg repeatedly but it does make it clear that its just sex. "
It's not only women that don't this.
Personally I'm looking for a fwb, I want more than no strings but less than a full blown relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The answer is in your question.
Some women think they are in a relationship because you have met more than a few times.
NSA means no strings attached, so no obligation, no commitment, no exclusivity and so on. It doesnt exclude the possibility of meetimg repeatedly but it does make it clear that its just sex. "
Honing in on this - what do the women do who "think they are in a relationship" because there were a few too many repeat meets?
IMO there is a massive difference between saying "prefer repeat meets", or "looking for a fb/fwb" to saying "looking for something regular". The latter is calling for a demand on my schedule/time straight off the bat... To offer a repeat slot is (for me!) a big obligation and a commitment. So not at all what I would call NSA, more of a stringed arrangement.
I see from a couple other posts though that NSA is used to mean simply "non-exclusive", that is a helpful hint.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"oh and also it isn't just men looking for this type of arrangement, lots of single women and couples are too.
"
Of course. I have only ever seen this particular phrasing on men's profiles though, and loads of times. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"oh and also it isn't just men looking for this type of arrangement, lots of single women and couples are too.
Of course. I have only ever seen this particular phrasing on men's profiles though, and loads of times."
Seen it on quite a few single female profiles as well.
Think it is because they are exactly that single and are making it clear that they would like to meet somebody for regular sex but without the effort of being in a romantic relationship.
As a couple we would like to meet another couple on a regular basis but don't have to make clear about not looking for a romantic relationship as we are a couple. |
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"The answer is in your question.
Some women think they are in a relationship because you have met more than a few times.
NSA means no strings attached, so no obligation, no commitment, no exclusivity and so on. It doesnt exclude the possibility of meetimg repeatedly but it does make it clear that its just sex. "
This |
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I had such a thing going on for a few months, which worked well at the time for both of us. How did it differ from a conventional relationship? We both had other lovers, and we didn’t mix our Fab lives with our ‘ordinary’ lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The answer is in your question.
Some women think they are in a relationship because you have met more than a few times.
NSA means no strings attached, so no obligation, no commitment, no exclusivity and so on. It doesnt exclude the possibility of meetimg repeatedly but it does make it clear that its just sex.
Honing in on this - what do the women do who "think they are in a relationship" because there were a few too many repeat meets?
IMO there is a massive difference between saying "prefer repeat meets", or "looking for a fb/fwb" to saying "looking for something regular". The latter is calling for a demand on my schedule/time straight off the bat... To offer a repeat slot is (for me!) a big obligation and a commitment. So not at all what I would call NSA, more of a stringed arrangement.
I see from a couple other posts though that NSA is used to mean simply "non-exclusive", that is a helpful hint.
"
Its not making any demands from you at all. It is expressing what they are looking for and as it is nsa you are free meet when you want and to not meet when you dont, without obligation or having to justify or explain yourself.
The fact that you see it is an obligation and a commitment is the exact reason people have to make a point of saying no strings attached. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got a few fwbs I've been seeing for years. We're friends, is that a commitment? We're there for each other, we enjoy each others company, we're affectionate and intimate. But there's no obligation or demands or drama. |
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"oh and also it isn't just men looking for this type of arrangement, lots of single women and couples are too.
Of course. I have only ever seen this particular phrasing on men's profiles though, and loads of times."
we don't have it on our profile because we thought that most people would assume that any arrangement they had with us was nsa. We don't look for any commitment from the people we meet and wouldn't expect them to want a relationship with us beyond friends in the moment. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think the definition of "NSA" and indeed "regular" are very individual things that may well vary from person to person (as this thread has shown) but neither necessarily indicate any form of commitment in the traditional sense - there might be a "commitment" to meet regularly but that would be defined by the two people involved.
The real key is finding those whose definitions are aligned to your own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's someone that doesn't respect you but only themselves.. They just want their bit of fun...
Free sex
Regardless of the backlash I will get for saying it...
But that's my opinion
Yes I know what site it is.
But this is fab.. Each to their own to..
Works both ways |
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Nsa regular meets to me is just that. Finding someone you can meet, on a regular basis, with no commitment inbetween. Sometimes "chat" with between meets but without the all the other involvement. I prefer that way as its a lot less hassle to arrange meets with someone you know sometimes. I can also been more spontaneous once i have that and know them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's someone that doesn't respect you but only themselves.. They just want their bit of fun...
Free sex
Regardless of the backlash I will get for saying it...
But that's my opinion
Yes I know what site it is.
But this is fab.. Each to their own to..
Works both ways"
You could say that the ones that are upfront about wanting just sex are showing respect by being honest and not leading others on. The alternative is they fake wanting more and drop you like a hot potato once they have got a jump.
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"It's someone that doesn't respect you but only themselves.. They just want their bit of fun...
Free sex
Regardless of the backlash I will get for saying it...
But that's my opinion
Yes I know what site it is.
But this is fab.. Each to their own to..
Works both ways
You could say that the ones that are upfront about wanting just sex are showing respect by being honest and not leading others on. The alternative is they fake wanting more and drop you like a hot potato once they have got a jump.
"
Yep, I'd prefer people were honest about it. |
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As a couple we are not looking for a relationship ,but what happens in the bedroom is between mutually respectful friends ,but once we leave the room we all go back to our normal lives never the twaine shall meet ..  |
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It's simple really. Lots of people want someone they can keep dangling on string to use at their leisure. But also on a string that can be cut with ease as soon as:
A. Something better comes along
B. Get too bored
C. Becomes too much hassle
Which of course is fine when this is a two way street and is very clear to all parties. However there are plenty of people who want it a one way street, where only they have these options. So they make out its regular thing and enjoy the perks. But if/usually inevitably when they don't want it anymore or you protest about the way your treated its; 'well this is a NSA thing, you know that, you agreed to that'. Which is technically correct but they deep down know that this was all a sly game of usury for their benefit.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's simple really. Lots of people want someone they can keep dangling on string to use at their leisure. But also on a string that can be cut with ease as soon as:
A. Something better comes along
B. Get too bored
C. Becomes too much hassle
Which of course is fine when this is a two way street and is very clear to all parties. However there are plenty of people who want it a one way street, where only they have these options. So they make out its regular thing and enjoy the perks. But if/usually inevitably when they don't want it anymore or you protest about the way your treated its; 'well this is a NSA thing, you know that, you agreed to that'. Which is technically correct but they deep down know that this was all a sly game of usury for their benefit.
"
From the other perspective if someone has agreed to nsa but then expects anything more they are the ones acting out of order.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For some of us, it is a little more altruistic. I work all over the UK, typically in one place for 3-6 months, sometimes more.
I prefer a regular partner that I can meet once or twice a week (I also have to work long and sometimes unconventional hours).
Yes, it is a ‘relationship’ but it is also NSA, I ask no questions of how they spend our days apart (or at least I have no right to any unhealthy jealousy) we both know it is for a finite period but our time together is intense, intimate and passionate.
When it has happened, it has worked very well, for both of us. All going well, we also stay (distant) friends afterwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have someone I meet from here regularly, have done for the last 5 or 6 months... we've met on a weekly basis for most of it but have had 2 8 wk periods we didn't meet cos we were busy with life. We know alot about each other...speak often and discuss normal things and would help one another out if needed but I see that as nsa/fwb and so does he,we knew what we were getting into prior .... we got to know each other before we met and had sex and let me tell ya the sex is more explosive I reckon because of the way we are. We even lay in bed after going through my online dating apps and he swipes for me or writes messages lol |
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"I have someone I meet from here regularly, have done for the last 5 or 6 months... we've met on a weekly basis for most of it but have had 2 8 wk periods we didn't meet cos we were busy with life. We know alot about each other...speak often and discuss normal things and would help one another out if needed but I see that as nsa/fwb and so does he,we knew what we were getting into prior .... we got to know each other before we met and had sex and let me tell ya the sex is more explosive I reckon because of the way we are. We even lay in bed after going through my online dating apps and he swipes for me or writes messages lol "
Lucky him  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have someone I meet from here regularly, have done for the last 5 or 6 months... we've met on a weekly basis for most of it but have had 2 8 wk periods we didn't meet cos we were busy with life. We know alot about each other...speak often and discuss normal things and would help one another out if needed but I see that as nsa/fwb and so does he,we knew what we were getting into prior .... we got to know each other before we met and had sex and let me tell ya the sex is more explosive I reckon because of the way we are. We even lay in bed after going through my online dating apps and he swipes for me or writes messages lol
Lucky him "
Haha thanks  |
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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago
'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks |
Based on my experience, I see that in a profile and know that to them I'd just be a hole they want to use when its convenient to them.
There will be women who want the same, but id say the majority need an ongoing connection for a regular sexual relationship, and because of our biology we need some strings so we dont just feel like that hole to get his dick wet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Based on my experience, I see that in a profile and know that to them I'd just be a hole they want to use when its convenient to them.
There will be women who want the same, but id say the majority need an ongoing connection for a regular sexual relationship, and because of our biology we need some strings so we dont just feel like that hole to get his dick wet"
This ^^^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regular NSA is a relationship, but one you can walk away from with out all your personal belongings being thrown out of the window and your suits going through the shredder when you end it. |
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"Based on my experience, I see that in a profile and know that to them I'd just be a hole they want to use when its convenient to them.
There will be women who want the same, but id say the majority need an ongoing connection for a regular sexual relationship, and because of our biology we need some strings so we dont just feel like that hole to get his dick wet"
There are also men around who need some sort of connection to a partner for it to be successful.
That said, the other person doesn't necessarily have to be the great love of your life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm looking for a regular fwb no commitments non inclusive . Someone I can share the swinging lifestyle with me. I don't need a man in my life that is why I want a fwb. |
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