FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Advise on conflicted feelings

Advise on conflicted feelings

By *all and Handsome OP Man over a year ago

Lewes

Has anyone here ever lost a relationship because they wanted to pursue swinging and their partner didn't? In retrospect, was it worth it, was this lifestyle important enough for you to do that?

Would appreciate any stories and consequent thoughts anyone has on this, trying to assess my feelings right now so curious.

This isn't the classic 'how do I get my partner to swing' question, I'm genuinely just asking the question I've asked, nothing else.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No I've never known anyone lose or relinquish a relationship to pursue swinging. But I've known countless people whose relationships have been destroyed by it, either by doing it together or by one pursuing it alone and getting caught. And not one of them thought it was worth it, the overriding theme is bitter regret and desperation to turn the clock back.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman over a year ago

Victoria, London

I get judged on vanilla sites and real world, so I guess I'll have to find a swinger partner and hope for the best

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By *attb179Man over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 04/12/19 03:13:15]

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By *attb179Man over a year ago

London

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt"

I'm sorry you went through that, proper nasty shit

People can be so cruel and cowardly!

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By *em163Man over a year ago

manchester

I was in a relationship i wanted more than a vanilla relationship but never asked as it wasnt for her i was still happy thought

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By *eviantdeeliteCouple over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt"

There are many reasons why people ghost...he could have had a life changing or even fatal incident....it is kind of like ones dog going missing and never finding it....there is no closure

Sad for you, but have to just keep chin up and move on x

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By *anky_PankyWoman over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt"

Ouch!! That's harsh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt"

That's just cruel you need to get Liam neeson to track him down Hun x

But all that said if it was 8 lovely months cling on to the nice stuff because he wasn't the bloke he pretended to be probably just a falandering nob head.

Please excuse my spelling the batteries went in the speak and spell

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By *oodnitegirlWoman over a year ago

Yorkshire

Kinda.

I sent for the Application pack for quest many years years ago before everything went electronic. My then partner found it before I plucked up the courage to discuss it with him and he went absolutely mental and said I was disgusting.

I’ve had plenty fun since that relationship ended and I’m really happy but I do still wonder if now he’s older and stuff and if we were still together if things would change if I asked him again

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

For some people they will have regrets and others won't.

Surely you have to be able to live your life as the 'real you'. If swinging is what you really enjoy and is 'in your nature' for want of a better phrase, then would you be happy if you had to walk away from it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've talked to people on here who now would only have a relationship with a fellow swinger simply because they wouldn't give it up, myself yes I'd happily give it up if that person came along. In fact I'd rather not meet a swinger that way because this for me has been a fill for a few years in an otherwise amazing life which is now heading for it's next exciting phase rather than a permanent lifestyle choice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt"

What a prick! Shocking

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By *cloversCouple over a year ago

Hull

I do think it's very much based on individual relationships. We had our first forage into swinging over 10yrs ago but one bad experience for me turned me right off & said I wouldn't ever do it again.

He was very supportive though I knew he was disappointed with my decision. Through all those years he never tried to persuade me to change my mind at all & I'm 100% confident he wasn't playing away from home as a single guy either.

But here we are again - giving it another shot - I'm just more cautious now!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've talked to people on here who now would only have a relationship with a fellow swinger simply because they wouldn't give it up, myself yes I'd happily give it up if that person came along. In fact I'd rather not meet a swinger that way because this for me has been a fill for a few years in an otherwise amazing life which is now heading for it's next exciting phase rather than a permanent lifestyle choice "

An "otherwise" amazing life? OK. I'm sorry if your experience hasnt been great here but mine has been... amazing. I've met amazing men and had amazing times. I certainly wish you all the best in the next exciting phase of your amazing life (wow).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has anyone here ever lost a relationship because they wanted to pursue swinging and their partner didn't? In retrospect, was it worth it, was this lifestyle important enough for you to do that?

Would appreciate any stories and consequent thoughts anyone has on this, trying to assess my feelings right now so curious.

This isn't the classic 'how do I get my partner to swing' question, I'm genuinely just asking the question I've asked, nothing else."

If they want to swing and I don't, it's not a lost relationship. It's getting rid of a likely cheater.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh I've loved my years here too, it's just I've brought my kids up to off to uni time, absolutely adore my job, have woooohoooo amazing hobbies (which take up far too much time) kind of amazing life! The only thing that was missing was sex which this site has provided wonderfully! Now it's going to be me time for the first time since almost before I can remember and sooo many adventures and courses to crack on with it is actually very exciting and hope I can get as much in as possible before the next (grandma) phase

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?"

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah, me and my partner have raised four boys between us. Between us we've been in bands, had our own radio show, coached American football, learnt languages and we're both on the verge of starting new careers. Didn't realise that counted as an amazing life, it's just life to us.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry. "

It definitely wasn't intended as such at all or in any way and I am actually sorry that it offended you.

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By *ing-louisMan over a year ago

Merthyr Tydfil

" It definitely wasn't intended as such at all or in any way and I am actually sorry that it offended you. "

You're apologising to someone that's gone out of their way to be offended.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry.

It definitely wasn't intended as such at all or in any way and I am actually sorry that it offended you. "

I think I might have misread you. Did you mean otherwise in terms of your life apart from sex? Rather than being here has been a period that wasn't part of an amazing life? It's so easy to misinterpret here. If I have then I'm real sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry.

It definitely wasn't intended as such at all or in any way and I am actually sorry that it offended you.

Lol that's exactly what I was trying to say tbh definitely what I meant! So no worries

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry.

It definitely wasn't intended as such at all or in any way and I am actually sorry that it offended you.

Lol that's exactly what I was trying to say tbh definitely what I meant! So no worries

Ah shit. I'm sorry about that, chick, truly. I broke the golden rule, don't post before coffee and a smoke!! Totally my bad

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

No I haven't.

My opinion (and it is just my opinion) is that the swinging world is incredibly shallow. The capacity to be disappointed, hurt and let down is huge for a single person. I know there are people who's experience is different though. Therefore I would never choose swinging over a good, stable and loving relationship. If I felt that my relationship would fail because we weren't swinging I wouldn't want to be in it anyway.

If a person genuinely feels that swinging is the only way they can be fulfilled then its worth risking their relationship. If it was me I'd exhaust all other possibilities first because swinging is a very fickle bed mate.

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By *oxychicWoman over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"No I haven't.

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No I haven't.

Totally agree"

Me too. My bf and I make this work in our own way. If we weren't together then no way would I be looking to do the swinging thing with anyone else. In my experience it's been a lot more aggro and irritation than it's worth. Another open relationship, sure. But actively playing as a couple, fuck no.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dated a girl once who basically wanted a swinging relationship. I'm my naivety I turned her down and broke it off. Would bite her hand off for the same offer now.

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

"Has anyone here ever lost a relationship because they wanted to pursue swinging and their partner didn't? In retrospect, was it worth it, was this lifestyle important enough for you to do that?

Would appreciate any stories and consequent thoughts anyone has on this, trying to assess my feelings right now so curious.

This isn't the classic 'how do I get my partner to swing' question, I'm genuinely just asking the question I've asked, nothing else.

If they want to swing and I don't, it's not a lost relationship. It's getting rid of a likely cheater."

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By *heEvilWithinWoman over a year ago

Barnsley

I have been meeting people online for 15 years. Basically since I was 16. The idea of monogamy was questionable at best to me. Then I met my partner and we've been together 10 years. He can't have sex so one of the first discussions we had was about me being able to swing/ sleep with people.

I'm not really into the one night stand thing. I have never been so our relationship requires a vast amount of trust which is hard to find. Over the years because we have a non-sexual relationship I must say it's much harder than a conventional relationship or a swinging relationship because you have to actually like the person you are with rather than it being driven by sex.

I have to say over the years he has had lapses in trust especially when I've been seeing someone for a while but it just takes me making more of an effort and making sure he knows I would never leave him. It's a constant battle and like in any relationship it takes work.

As for your original question. Yes there have been issues over the years but also there have been some great times. In fact some we laugh about! But this works for US. I'm not saying this would work for everyone and it takes trust and communication on massive levels. Without trust, security and communication it would not work and that's why a lot of poly/non-manogamous relationships don't work. I have a lot of experience with couples with huge insecurities and frankly I don't think they're cut out for this lifestyle.

Just make sure both parties are happy, communicate and have fun that's what it's about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guy had no bottle must be mad walking away from you, you deserve much better

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

I met my partner on here.

However I always felt it was me and I would have liked to try when I was with my ex wife (she'd been to clubs when she was very young). We had talked about it a couple of times, she would normally bring it up. Never pushed the point but always figured we would swing together one day (never did). But I was certainly happy without it. Not being able to try it didn't effect how happy I was in the relationship. I would have never chose it over my relationship. It would have just been a nice extra.

So although swinging back then was not a must, things are different now I started on the scene. It's a bit like taste the difference. One of the things with my current relationship is I love the freedom to totally express my self honestly and sexually without judgement. I'm able to be me and loved for who I am. I am a massive deviant, love women and good orgy and not only does My girl love me for who I truly am, she shares my deviance with me and revels in it. And when you think about it, if you can't share your kinks, desires and most deviant parts of you with your partner, who can you share it with?

So ask me that question 4 years ago I'd say you don't need it in a relationship. But ask me today and I'd say be with a person that loves and accepts all of you (including your sexual deviance). Because now I've had it all I could never go back to the old life. The best relationships are the ones were you a free and supported to truly be yourselves and love each other for it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I met my partner on here.

This is such a lovely post and I identify with it so much

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By *all and Handsome OP Man over a year ago

Lewes

"So ask me that question 4 years ago I'd say you don't need it in a relationship. But ask me today and I'd say be with a person that loves and accepts all of you (including your sexual deviance). Because now I've had it all I could never go back to the old life. The best relationships are the ones were you a free and supported to truly be yourselves and love each other for it."

Thank you for your message, I think you put that very well, that summarises a lot of where my feelings are at.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry. "

Turns out you were wrong.

I didn't find it offensive or superior.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this being superior.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry.

Turns out you were wrong.

I didn't find it offensive or superior. "

Please see my previous answer. I'm not interested in engaging in an argument. Try someone else.

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

"I met my partner on here.

absoloutely this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt

That's just cruel you need to get Liam neeson to track him down Hun x

But all that said if it was 8 lovely months cling on to the nice stuff because he wasn't the bloke he pretended to be probably just a falandering nob head.

Please excuse my spelling the batteries went in the speak and spell"

No fatal incident

Just not man enough to speak.. Yes if you see Liam send him my way.. Al pacinco... Vinny Jones.. Anthony Hopkins.. Even telly tubbies would do..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you so offended?

Because it's an offensive and superior thing to say. Which you know and if you're looking for an argument I'm afraid I really don't care enough to engage. Sorry.

Turns out you were wrong.

I didn't find it offensive or superior.

Please see my previous answer. I'm not interested in engaging in an argument. Try someone else. "

I was just asking a question not looking for an argument. You can apologise to me now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt

That's just cruel you need to get Liam neeson to track him down Hun x

But all that said if it was 8 lovely months cling on to the nice stuff because he wasn't the bloke he pretended to be probably just a falandering nob head.

Please excuse my spelling the batteries went in the speak and spell

No fatal incident

Just not man enough to speak.. Yes if you see Liam send him my way.. Al pacinco... Vinny Jones.. Anthony Hopkins.. Even telly tubbies would do.. "

I can't imagine how painful that must have been

I could send Omar from the Wire? Believe me, he'd find him

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By *arracksCouple over a year ago

Deal

"Met a swinger chap off here.. Going great relationship fantastic vanilla n non vanilla going out cinema proper couple going chameleons n couples profile...

Months later I mean months met my kids spent family times together too Xmas pressies etc...

Then ghosted after 8m.. No nothing no reason nowt"

Me too,after 15 months,life is a bitch,and so are some people

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By *ady23Woman over a year ago

Coventry

"Has anyone here ever lost a relationship because they wanted to pursue swinging and their partner didn't? In retrospect, was it worth it, was this lifestyle important enough for you to do that?

Would appreciate any stories and consequent thoughts anyone has on this, trying to assess my feelings right now so curious.

This isn't the classic 'how do I get my partner to swing' question, I'm genuinely just asking the question I've asked, nothing else."

My man introduced me to a new world I was very shocked at first and then curious about going to clubs etc wow. Opened my eyes. Gave me confidence and the list for more. It enhanced what we have and is very addictive. U can never gain reaction but it's about sharing openness if it's not for them that's their choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has anyone here ever lost a relationship because they wanted to pursue swinging and their partner didn't? In retrospect, was it worth it, was this lifestyle important enough for you to do that?

Would appreciate any stories and consequent thoughts anyone has on this, trying to assess my feelings right now so curious.

This isn't the classic 'how do I get my partner to swing' question, I'm genuinely just asking the question I've asked, nothing else."
this lifestyle doesn't have satisfying longevity, where a relationship does, no way I'd give up a worthwhile relationship for this

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

"I get judged on vanilla sites and real world, so I guess I'll have to find a swinger partner and hope for the best"

Can you message me please I’m interested in your business venture. Thanks.

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By *annydevonMan over a year ago

Exeter

"Has anyone here ever lost a relationship because they wanted to pursue swinging and their partner didn't? In retrospect, was it worth it, was this lifestyle important enough for you to do that?

Would appreciate any stories and consequent thoughts anyone has on this, trying to assess my feelings right now so curious.

This isn't the classic 'how do I get my partner to swing' question, I'm genuinely just asking the question I've asked, nothing else."

I've been in relationships where I've felt secure and we've ended up having sex with other people and it was fun and felt good.

I've also been in relationships where it wouldn't have been fine because the trust and feelings of security weren't there - one ex-gf brought up the conversation a few times, it wasn't the reason we split up, but it started to feel as though she was trying to make me feel inadequate in some way, so it was part of the reason I ended the relationship

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