FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > I must be doing something wrong
I must be doing something wrong
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So i cant imagine that ive had bad luck all this time... ive used fab about 3 times over the last 6 years, this being my 3rd and i rejoined about 4 months but i was away for a couple months so i hid my profile until i came back earlier this week. The first time i used fab i only met one person after having used it for roughly 3 months without breaks and it was my first sexual encounter with another man, funnily enough we are still friends but no encounters since the first time.
The second time i used fab i met a black guy for a quick fling in a hotel but we never spoke after though tbh that was my issue as i had life problems to take care of. I had been using fab that time for only about a couple weeks.
Now im back for a 3rd time as i have a little more time on my hands to fool around again but im running into the same problem as i did before. Ive messaged quite a few women and trans (not interested in any male sexual encounters right now) and it seems of the many messages ive sent, not a single one gets read or its deleted without a reply...
I understand some ppl will delete a message if theyre not interested without a reply, fair enough i get that, they probably get bombarded with messages by other ppl theyre not interested in. But what i dont understand is how on earth out of all the dozens of ppl ive messaged, ive only ever had one woman reply back to me and after a few messages they just stopped talking but were still active.
When it comes to my messages i dont post a dick pic immediately or simply write "wanna fuck?", i actually take time to read their profile to see if im what theyre interested in, i write a polite message asking how they are doing, if they fancy a chat and depending on whether i get some material to work with from their profile ill try to be a little creative without coming off too eager or weird etc. I give a face pic to every new woman i message and state in the title that a face pic is included, or the usual 'code word' so they know ive read their full profile. I also dont go messaging every single woman under the sun, theres no point when its clear that many of them are after some dude with a gerthy 8"er, a full on beard, a built gym freak or registered as a couple with a hot wife/gf
I have public photos of myself so they can see what i look like, i always make sure to get photo verified straight away for added reassurance. I try to keep my profile descriptive but not some lengthy autobiography so ppl can read for themselves before they make a decision.
I try to do things by the book as im the kind of guy not to half ass something and i dont see the point in wasting my time if i dont bother to make an effort for the desired results.
In terms of being verified by a meet, well you cant exactly get back any verifications when you delete your profile. And it seems more like nobody wants to meet unless youve been verified by anothee person which is just a paradox, like need experience for a job, need a job for experience kinda shit. But i wont subject myself to some nasty quick fling with any randomer who comes up first just to get that verification.
The other thing is i NEVER get approached by women but i think thats typical anyway regardless if its in a bar or online.
So as it seems in the 6-7 months total over the few times ive used fab, when it comes to women ive had 0% success..... i honestly cannot see where im going wrong. Like seriously am i ugly or something? Do i just happen to be one of those poor bastards who have the worst luck? Is it my approach to messaging, like i dont spam their inbox enough? 1 simple mature (sometimes interesting and creative) message not enough to get someones attention? This site feels more like a rat race and its what put me off the first time i deleted my profile.
Girls, really, able to shed any light on this? Cos i got no fucking clue..
Id like to stick around and enjoy life for once cos im pretty filthy minded and happy to explore and meet the needs of the person im meeting up with, have a good time and not bullshit mess ppl about but at this rate i may as well be abstinent  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So i cant imagine that ive had bad luck all this time... ive used fab about 3 times over the last 6 years, this being my 3rd and i rejoined about 4 months but i was away for a couple months so i hid my profile until i came back earlier this week. The first time i used fab i only met one person after having used it for roughly 3 months without breaks and it was my first sexual encounter with another man, funnily enough we are still friends but no encounters since the first time.
The second time i used fab i met a black guy for a quick fling in a hotel but we never spoke after though tbh that was my issue as i had life problems to take care of. I had been using fab that time for only about a couple weeks.
Now im back for a 3rd time as i have a little more time on my hands to fool around again but im running into the same problem as i did before. Ive messaged quite a few women and trans (not interested in any male sexual encounters right now) and it seems of the many messages ive sent, not a single one gets read or its deleted without a reply...
I understand some ppl will delete a message if theyre not interested without a reply, fair enough i get that, they probably get bombarded with messages by other ppl theyre not interested in. But what i dont understand is how on earth out of all the dozens of ppl ive messaged, ive only ever had one woman reply back to me and after a few messages they just stopped talking but were still active.
When it comes to my messages i dont post a dick pic immediately or simply write "wanna fuck?", i actually take time to read their profile to see if im what theyre interested in, i write a polite message asking how they are doing, if they fancy a chat and depending on whether i get some material to work with from their profile ill try to be a little creative without coming off too eager or weird etc. I give a face pic to every new woman i message and state in the title that a face pic is included, or the usual 'code word' so they know ive read their full profile. I also dont go messaging every single woman under the sun, theres no point when its clear that many of them are after some dude with a gerthy 8"er, a full on beard, a built gym freak or registered as a couple with a hot wife/gf
I have public photos of myself so they can see what i look like, i always make sure to get photo verified straight away for added reassurance. I try to keep my profile descriptive but not some lengthy autobiography so ppl can read for themselves before they make a decision.
I try to do things by the book as im the kind of guy not to half ass something and i dont see the point in wasting my time if i dont bother to make an effort for the desired results.
In terms of being verified by a meet, well you cant exactly get back any verifications when you delete your profile. And it seems more like nobody wants to meet unless youve been verified by anothee person which is just a paradox, like need experience for a job, need a job for experience kinda shit. But i wont subject myself to some nasty quick fling with any randomer who comes up first just to get that verification.
The other thing is i NEVER get approached by women but i think thats typical anyway regardless if its in a bar or online.
So as it seems in the 6-7 months total over the few times ive used fab, when it comes to women ive had 0% success..... i honestly cannot see where im going wrong. Like seriously am i ugly or something? Do i just happen to be one of those poor bastards who have the worst luck? Is it my approach to messaging, like i dont spam their inbox enough? 1 simple mature (sometimes interesting and creative) message not enough to get someones attention? This site feels more like a rat race and its what put me off the first time i deleted my profile.
Girls, really, able to shed any light on this? Cos i got no fucking clue..
Id like to stick around and enjoy life for once cos im pretty filthy minded and happy to explore and meet the needs of the person im meeting up with, have a good time and not bullshit mess ppl about but at this rate i may as well be abstinent "
maybe youre just too long winded for the quick fit girls and too bi for the others   |
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I wrote this on another post yesterday, but I think it applies:
I think it’s hard to stand out as a single guy. If we went to the shop for a tin of beans and they only had Heinz, then we would take that home.
If we went to the shop for a tin of beans and they had 5000 different brands, we’d study them for ages... and then go home and order a pizza.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve no evidence to back this up, but I think being active on the forums may get your name noticed by other people who use them... then you might stand out in their inbox "
lol  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I wrote this on another post yesterday, but I think it applies:
I think it’s hard to stand out as a single guy. If we went to the shop for a tin of beans and they only had Heinz, then we would take that home.
If we went to the shop for a tin of beans and they had 5000 different brands, we’d study them for ages... and then go home and order a pizza.
"
That makes sense i mean i knew that men out number any other gender on fab. Patience i have but honestly its the lack of correspondence from ANYONE that really baffles me. Statically speaking yeah i have way better odds the more ppl i message but then who has time to actually write messages, especially if youre keeping them unique to the person you, to literally dozens or even hundreds of members. But also statistically speaking theres a number of guys out there who have inboxes full of conversations from other women.
And lets be honest, when it comes to the gay community its unbelievably easy to get hook ups.. the first day i join if my profile is set to bi/gay ill immediately get a message within 5 minutes of registering and after a day ive already got a dozen or so messages. Ofc that is also due to the number of guys on fab.
But i will say that i believe women do tend to just sit there and wait cos they know they have messages spammed at them regularly. An ex of mine was always on social media and even she didnt approach ppl with the first message cos she knew that any friends she wouldve made in the chat rooms wouldve approached her first... idk im not a woman so i dont see the female perspective. But ofc nothing i can change, its been natures way of the struggle between the sexes where females of any species are the ones who who get the pick of the litter and donr have to lift a finger to find what they want, it comes to them most of the time and as you say, you gotta choose between 5000 brands before you decide to go for something else  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve no evidence to back this up, but I think being active on the forums may get your name noticed by other people who use them... then you might stand out in their inbox "
Youre probably very right there, the forum is a more public place so maybe its a safe zone for women where they can get to know certain ppl without the hassle of orivate convos that can get weird but also cos the posts are right there to see rather than a message getting bumped all the way down to the bottom of the list. I never really used the forums before but as i have the time now id defo be using the foums more. I can be quite the socialite |
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" But i will say that i believe women do tend to just sit there and wait cos they know they have messages spammed at them regularly. An ex of mine was always on social media and even she didnt approach ppl with the first message cos she knew that any friends she wouldve made in the chat rooms wouldve approached her first... idk im not a woman so i dont see the female perspective. But ofc nothing i can change, its been natures way of the struggle between the sexes where females of any species are the ones who who get the pick of the litter and donr have to lift a finger to find what they want "
Sigh.
Of course we approach people. Just because we're receiving messages, doesn't mean those messages are from people we're interested in.
Implying that women on this site just sit back, wait, and 'don't lift a finger' doesn't exactly put you in a good light, OP. Perhaps it even gives a clue as to why you're not getting the level of response you were expecting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" But i will say that i believe women do tend to just sit there and wait cos they know they have messages spammed at them regularly. An ex of mine was always on social media and even she didnt approach ppl with the first message cos she knew that any friends she wouldve made in the chat rooms wouldve approached her first... idk im not a woman so i dont see the female perspective. But ofc nothing i can change, its been natures way of the struggle between the sexes where females of any species are the ones who who get the pick of the litter and donr have to lift a finger to find what they want
Sigh.
Of course we approach people. Just because we're receiving messages, doesn't mean those messages are from people we're interested in.
Implying that women on this site just sit back, wait, and 'don't lift a finger' doesn't exactly put you in a good light, OP. Perhaps it even gives a clue as to why you're not getting the level of response you were expecting."
I dont fully believe that like its fact, rather a particular perspective through life experiences and socialising with others and hearing their stories, like i said im not a woman so ive never been in that females world though ive very rarely heard guys saying a girl approached them in the way of showing sexual interest, either they had an ulterior motive or theyre the unappealing d*unk girls at bars who've had too much to drink but i dont consider that as the same thing. And idk how that would be the reason for my own poor experiences, its not like i go advertising everywhere or moaning about it in my private messages to ppl. Plus all other women ive had any relations with have told me they dont approach guys. Ofc some women do make the first move and i know the women i have known dont make up the entire female population. It just really confuses me when ive been complimented about how i look by a number of woman but regardless how available and approachable i am, ive literally never been approached by another woman in the outside world or online...
Dont get me wrong im not berating women for it, im just trying give an opinion on the matter from the perspective from a single man. Dont forget, just as i have no idea what its like to be in a single females world, the same can be for woman regarding a single males world. Its fucking hard work to get yourself notcied |
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