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Cronically shy in a club!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So i have a question for all you couples and single women who visit clubs.
Im hoping to go to a club night this saturday but the last time i went there my cronic shyness got in the way of me having any fun or even having a single conversation!
The issue i have is that i think im a nice chap (verifications i have suggest so) but breaking the ice and walking up to anyone is my absolute krypton! So i wondered what advice any of you might have on that front? As a couple or a single female what would you deem as acceptable from a single guy approaching you? (Im as happy just having a great conversation with cool people as anything else btw) cheesy one liner, massive emotional overshare or just "hi, im a bit nervous and new here but saw you..... |
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This sounds awfully like me.
You need a club friend. Male, female, couple... doesn’t matter. Just someone to make you feel like you’re not on your own.
It’s a weird concept but just having someone to chat to initially eases the nerves, conversations with others develop and you make more friends.
Just remember that swinging is 95% social, so that’s the thing you need to focus on if you want that extra 5%. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell yourself you’re going to meet friends in a club, nothing else, then stay around the bar area and socialise like you would in any establishment. Pretend you’re waiting for friends to arrive. You’ll feel far more relaxed the less pressure you put on yourself.
Don’t forget to smile as well, makes you look far more approachable 
Hope it all goes well for you! |
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Perhaps ask the staff to introduce to one or two regulars who may be happy to chat and calm your nerves down a little?
Our experience is that most regulars in clubs are really friendly and will understand your nerves
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps ask the staff to introduce to one or two regulars who may be happy to chat and calm your nerves down a little?
Our experience is that most regulars in clubs are really friendly and will understand your nerves
Mrs x"
If you’re thinking of going to Pandora’s again, but not on a party night, I would have thought that would absolutely be possible. They have quite a few regulars who spend time at the bar. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I'm not a couple or a woman, but I have been in the same situation as you, so I hope this helps.
If there's a small group having an open conversation, and you have something to contribute, join them. I find this much easier than approaching individuals.
The hot tub and smoking areas are good places for this (I don't smoke, but still go there sometimes for the conversation) - you get a managebly small group, but still more than just a couple.
The most important thing is to do it. Force yourself. Yes, it's hard, but nothing bad will happen if you make an effort. Promise yourself before you leave home that you will talk to someone. If all you manage is "hi, I love your outfit", you can go home with that small success, and aim for more next time.
The evening is divided into two parts. The first is social. You're just there to talk with people, and sex might not be mentioned at all. Later, it's so much easier to approach people that you have already made a social connection with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to chat to someone on fab or kik that I know is heading to the club that same night. Wouldn't have spoken to them or met them before. That way we can look out for each other and have a drink at the bar. Your verifications suggest you're a great guy so absolutely no need for nerves but I know that's easier said than done. I do need a drink or two beforehand, lol. Good luck and enjoy. Mrs x |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I would say that no matter who you are when approaching others in a club then there will be nerves, I know we are. It is looking for that opening line or opportunity, once conversation is going the nerves soon go. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
a gentleman started an almost iddentical thread a couple of days ago..... i will say to you exactly the same thing i said to him
clubs are not for everyone....
but if you are going to meet people then at some point you are going to have to flap them gums and words will need to come out!
its as much about at least making the effort to talk to people |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all the replies folks, reading through them there are some great suggestions and advice. I think one i will certainly be trying to do is to present myself how i know i can be among people i know, smiling and chatting. Just have to make that first step and open a conversation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps ask the staff to introduce to one or two regulars who may be happy to chat and calm your nerves down a little?
Our experience is that most regulars in clubs are really friendly and will understand your nerves
Mrs x"
Very good advice there  |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
Get there early and chat to bar staff. Ask them to introduce you to regulars or just comment on someone's drink if they are handing drinks in.
A smile and a hi , is a good start.
Don't over think it. Deep breath, relax shoulders, smile and say hello . The more you do it, the easier it gets. |
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I'm like this in general although far better now (a lot to do with being a single on a club scene). What you got to ask your self is what do you want from the club scene and what you have to do about going about?
I found a way but the answer is not easy. Simply to have to be brave and really push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Be friendly and just keep pushing yourself to introduce yourself to people socially. It may seem honestly the most daunting thing. The feeling of self doubt and fear of rejection are not nice. But if you keep doing it you'll find most people will reciprocate the same level of friendliness, respect and good nature you put towards them. I won't lie there will be few occasionations when you crash and burn. That's life in general, you just need to role with it and brush yourself off. On the whole you really have nothing to lose. Granted not everyone will be interested in investing time with you but that's the beauty of a club (over a meet) you can simply go a speak to others who take your interest. Also may find you get on with some people and like them but there is no sexual interest for them or you. It's still good to met people and get your face know, trusted and respected. I have swinger freinds that are freinds but we don't play as there is no sexual chemistry. But freinds are always good to have and through them you find your self meeting others and widening your circle and thus horizons.
So I my experience if you can just find your self the strength to push your comfort zone you'll find in time and practice it gets easier every time. You'll find this in the long run will be more enjoyable and successful than keeping yourself to yourself and just lurking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Where are you going? Have a look in the forums and the event may have a post up
Say hi on there, say how you're feeling and someone may say about having a drink with them when you get there.
Just don't have too much Dutch courage
Enjoy your night mate |
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By *rufflesCouple
over a year ago
manchester |
For us, a nice smile (which you seem to have) and maybe something like "I'm alone here, do you mind if i sit next to you for a chat"
However, such things as "playing with your cock" at the same time is a definite NO NO!!!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So i have a question for all you couples and single women who visit clubs.
Im hoping to go to a club night this saturday but the last time i went there my cronic shyness got in the way of me having any fun or even having a single conversation!
The issue i have is that i think im a nice chap (verifications i have suggest so) but breaking the ice and walking up to anyone is my absolute krypton! So i wondered what advice any of you might have on that front? As a couple or a single female what would you deem as acceptable from a single guy approaching you? (Im as happy just having a great conversation with cool people as anything else btw) cheesy one liner, massive emotional overshare or just "hi, im a bit nervous and new here but saw you....."
the secret is to get completely naked all inhibitions fall Away   |
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The easiest ice breaker you can ask anyone (single male, female, or couple), is "Could you tell me where the toilets are please?" You don't even need to need the loo, but you've just opened conversation with someone......"Are you a regular here?"......and so forth. Good luck fella, it's not easy being a single guy in these places (I know), but you can have a great time, if you meet the right people  |
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"The easiest ice breaker you can ask anyone (single male, female, or couple), is "Could you tell me where the toilets are please?" You don't even need to need the loo, but you've just opened conversation with someone......"Are you a regular here?"......and so forth. Good luck fella, it'b the right people "
Er if you do that make sure to explain to them its only for a number one, not a number two |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi, it is the same for us too. I think the secret is to either find a club you feel welcome in or to arrange a club meet with a few people. Having been to a few clubs we find this is the best way for us. We’ve only been to one club in the UK and doubt we’ll try any others as we feel welcomed there which helps massively.
We have only been approached by a single guy once and he simply asked if he could join us (in the bar) which was a friendly and acceptable way of approach.
Have fun |
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