FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > A question for the ladies
A question for the ladies
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello ladies. Now I know that you’re all inundated with loads of messages and it’s hard for you to get through them all and reply. I’d like to know why some women choose to read messages but then not reply or delete them when they know they’re not interested in the guy the other end. Is there a reason for it because it must leave their inbox cluttered. Help me out please. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Because they may want to respond to them later? "
If that is so then why not reply saying you’ll be in touch later. Most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply. I’m sure women must feel the same if you send a message and a guy left it unanswered then you would feel dejected? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on."
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way. "
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to."
I guess you see the world as a harsh place but thanks for your opinion. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to.
I guess you see the world as a harsh place but thanks for your opinion. "
Not particularly, I just think worrying about why someone has or hasn't deleted your message is pointless, just delete your sent messages then you won't stress about it. |
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"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way. "
The woman messaging you doesn't and can't know that (and while some men claim it, I doubt it's true for all).
The best way around this is to protect yourself from bad feelings. Delete the message in your sent inbox and force yourself not to think about it. Others, particularly strangers, can't be responsible for your feelings. |
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By *ng1983Couple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon tyne |
If you're going to get hung up on stuff like this, this may not be the site for you. There could be a million reasons people do that. But mostly it'll be
1. Because they want to
2. No one owes anyone anything on here. Not a reply, not a deletion, not an explanation. Nothing. |
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Because we can choose who we want to speak to, that’s the point of private messages. We can also delete or not delete. I have messages going back months that I’ve no interest in anymore but just haven’t bothered deleting. Personally a post like this doesn’t attract at all, sounds like butthurt and that should only happen if something fun happened to it first.
S x |
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On my single profile i always delete straight away when i'm not interested.
If i'm unsure I may leave it ,or just mark as unread again.
I can't speak for all women,maybe they do a bulk delete all at once .Couples may wait till they have both seen the messages and agree.
Just delete any messages you send from your out box and don't dwell on it.
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because they may want to respond to them later?
If that is so then why not reply saying you’ll be in touch later. Most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply. I’m sure women must feel the same if you send a message and a guy left it unanswered then you would feel dejected? "
If most men are going to make their own assumptions such as having time to read a message but not reply then those are who I would like to avoid in some ways.
It's so very easy to load up fab on my phone, read a message quick while I'm in the middle of something but often I don't actually have time to reply straight away or at all. Nor should I or anyone feel obligated to do so. I have never felt dejected if someone reads my message and takes some time to reply - they either will or they wont.
This site is not suitable for anyone with no patience.
I often get messages after I have read someones original message asking or begging me to respond, that in itself is incredibly offputting and far too needy for my liking.
We all have things going on, fab is just part of my life but not the main focus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because they may want to respond to them later?
If that is so then why not reply saying you’ll be in touch later. Most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply. I’m sure women must feel the same if you send a message and a guy left it unanswered then you would feel dejected? "
No I don't...
I search for other profiles.
Not sure why it's an issue with you hun. These are strangers, it makes more sense to move on to many other profiles.... (fem) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If one of us reads a message and want to wait to discuss with the other we mark unread. Then when we have discussed and if not interested we delete, sometimes with a polite reply, sometimes not. If we think actually he's not bad but we're just a bit busy at mo, then we leave it read but not delete. We might reply to ask if happy to chat until things have calmed down, usually they do but then convo fizzles out before we get chance to discuss a meet. Other times we won't reply, then if we think things have calmed down a bit we go back through and see who we might like to chat to next |
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"Because they may want to respond to them later?
If that is so then why not reply saying you’ll be in touch later. Most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply. I’m sure women must feel the same if you send a message and a guy left it unanswered then you would feel dejected? "
I think your comment ”most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply“ is a little unrealistic.
To put this into perspective for you, I only have a couples profile and have had 94 messages since Sunday.
That’s nothing compared to what single female profiles get.
If there isn’t a profile picture or pictures attached they’re usually the first to be binned.
If I have some interest I might keep the message to see how their profile goes.
Or I might quickly scan through deleting nothing with the intention of looking properly when I have time.
I think you need to stop reading too much into it.
If someone is interested enough they will reply at some point.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I love how when asking a question people think I’m asking because i have a problem with it. I was trying to find out the general consensus on it. I like people’s opinions on it and I’ve had people private message about how they feel on this. I always delete the messages I’ve sent once they’ve been read. I don’t sit and dwell on whether they person the other end is going to reply. If you don’t then it’s no skin off my nose or anywhere else. Happy to know what you all thought though. |
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"Hello ladies. Now I know that you’re all inundated with loads of messages and it’s hard for you to get through them all and reply. I’d like to know why some women choose to read messages but then not reply or delete them when they know they’re not interested in the guy the other end. Is there a reason for it because it must leave their inbox cluttered. Help me out please. "
I just don't have the time or energy to reply to 99% of my messages. So i just leave read. Occasionally i reply but i would have to take this as a full time job to reply to all my messages |
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"I love how when asking a question people think I’m asking because i have a problem with it. I was trying to find out the general consensus on it. I like people’s opinions on it and I’ve had people private message about how they feel on this. I always delete the messages I’ve sent once they’ve been read. I don’t sit and dwell on whether they person the other end is going to reply. If you don’t then it’s no skin off my nose or anywhere else. Happy to know what you all thought though. "
Thats one of the best backtracking posts I’ve seen for a while. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to read + delete but then I'd get a series of messages expressing irritation that I'd deleted them... Can't win lol
If you reply, it seems it is green light for meeting:/ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I love how when asking a question people think I’m asking because i have a problem with it. I was trying to find out the general consensus on it. I like people’s opinions on it and I’ve had people private message about how they feel on this. I always delete the messages I’ve sent once they’ve been read. I don’t sit and dwell on whether they person the other end is going to reply. If you don’t then it’s no skin off my nose or anywhere else. Happy to know what you all thought though.
Thats one of the best backtracking posts I’ve seen for a while."
Hardly back tracking considering my original question |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's my choice to read or not read..
Reply or not reply... Block or not block...
Since being given the vote the rights to work we women can pretty much can do what we want without explaining our actions to anyone.
When you start needing clarifications for someone else's actions try finding your own reasons instead.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmm, i always try to reply to a nice message, ours is a couples page but pretty much fabmined by me (mrs K) , mr K has his own profile.
I won't answer stupid
" hey how you fancy fucking a young cub " messages because it make me want to harm them for being so ridiculous in thinking a 45 year old woman would have a modicum of interest in such a knuckle dragging pick up line!
Be clever, be modest, be respectful and above all ,don't let yourself down by being a bit of a div in a message and you may get a reply when the recipient has time
If they arent deleted it may be they are sat at the bottom of in box |
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Different i guess for us as a couple but we do this.
Mostly because if one of us reads it first but dont want to or havent the time to respond we leave it for the other to read aswell incase they might want to. Guess theres loads of reasons anyone does anything on here |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"I love how when asking a question people think I’m asking because i have a problem with it. I was trying to find out the general consensus on it. I like people’s opinions on it and I’ve had people private message about how they feel on this. I always delete the messages I’ve sent once they’ve been read. I don’t sit and dwell on whether they person the other end is going to reply. If you don’t then it’s no skin off my nose or anywhere else. Happy to know what you all thought though. "
You asked for help, leading people to believe that you were having issues with something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
The woman messaging you doesn't and can't know that (and while some men claim it, I doubt it's true for all).
The best way around this is to protect yourself from bad feelings. Delete the message in your sent inbox and force yourself not to think about it. Others, particularly strangers, can't be responsible for your feelings."
Agreed.
If your gonna let your feelings get hurt by someone you have never met who owes you nothing then this is definitely Not the site for you buddy.
As folk have said there's countless reasons why it's been read but not deleted yet.. maybe it's in the pile ready for the next mass delete? There's a chance the ladies view was it's a no right now but that may change later so it's been kept for a bit as an option to potentially revisit. Maybe they have skim read it quickly and saw it was a decent enough message so left it to go back to when they have more time and continued on deleting all the hi wanna fuck messages. We are a couple if one of us reads a promising message we remark it unread so we can both look at it later when we are together. The reasons could go on and on.
Like others have said delete you sent messages and give them no more thought. Then if or when someone replies its an unexpected surprise and your original message you deleted will still be there below their reply.
KJ x |
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"Hmmmm, i always try to reply to a nice message, ours is a couples page but pretty much fabmined by me (mrs K) , mr K has his own profile.
I won't answer stupid
" hey how you fancy fucking a young cub " messages because it make me want to harm them for being so ridiculous in thinking a 45 year old woman would have a modicum of interest in such a knuckle dragging pick up line!
Be clever, be modest, be respectful and above all ,don't let yourself down by being a bit of a div in a message and you may get a reply when the recipient has time
If they arent deleted it may be they are sat at the bottom of in box "
Just over your limit Mrs K but fabbed a few pics anyway. It's not the case, but could have done it purely on the back of, "knuckle dragging pick up line". Priceless. If only some of these people weren't as twitchy, they might have more success. Up your limit by 5 and be in your catchment group and well inside your area. |
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"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
The woman messaging you doesn't and can't know that (and while some men claim it, I doubt it's true for all).
The best way around this is to protect yourself from bad feelings. Delete the message in your sent inbox and force yourself not to think about it. Others, particularly strangers, can't be responsible for your feelings.
Agreed.
If your gonna let your feelings get hurt by someone you have never met who owes you nothing then this is definitely Not the site for you buddy.
As folk have said there's countless reasons why it's been read but not deleted yet.. maybe it's in the pile ready for the next mass delete? There's a chance the ladies view was it's a no right now but that may change later so it's been kept for a bit as an option to potentially revisit. Maybe they have skim read it quickly and saw it was a decent enough message so left it to go back to when they have more time and continued on deleting all the hi wanna fuck messages. We are a couple if one of us reads a promising message we remark it unread so we can both look at it later when we are together. The reasons could go on and on.
Like others have said delete you sent messages and give them no more thought. Then if or when someone replies its an unexpected surprise and your original message you deleted will still be there below their reply.
KJ x "
Thanks for that last para KJ, good advice. I keep sent messages if I'm still interested in that post cos sometimes relies take ages as has been discussed. Now I know I can clear these and as you say have a nice surprise and still get my original attached. Thanks for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello ladies. Now I know that you’re all inundated with loads of messages and it’s hard for you to get through them all and reply. I’d like to know why some women choose to read messages but then not reply or delete them when they know they’re not interested in the guy the other end. Is there a reason for it because it must leave their inbox cluttered. Help me out please. "
I don't delete.
I'm not a site supporter so if I don't delete, I can at least see if there has been a conversation or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to.
I guess you see the world as a harsh place but thanks for your opinion. "
When your messages run into the hundreds like most ladies on here would you have time to reply even if it's to say no thanks?.
Us guys have it easy with only a handful of messages if we are lucky.
I don't envy the ladies in the slightest having to find a gem in a sea of shit!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello ladies. Now I know that you’re all inundated with loads of messages and it’s hard for you to get through them all and reply. I’d like to know why some women choose to read messages but then not reply or delete them when they know they’re not interested in the guy the other end. Is there a reason for it because it must leave their inbox cluttered. Help me out please. "
A full inbox gives an ego boost. An empty inbox doesn't.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Help me out please....
Indicates its an issue you can't figure in ones mind!
I've never thought about peoples inboxes at all. I never go back to see if it's read or not.
So you sound troubled 'in my mind' a pointless issue, you have no control over....
If you can't handle people's responses on the forum and how they see your thread OP. Why bother....... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love how when asking a question people think I’m asking because i have a problem with it. I was trying to find out the general consensus on it. I like people’s opinions on it and I’ve had people private message about how they feel on this. I always delete the messages I’ve sent once they’ve been read. I don’t sit and dwell on whether they person the other end is going to reply. If you don’t then it’s no skin off my nose or anywhere else. Happy to know what you all thought though. "
This was rude in my mind..... |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to.
I guess you see the world as a harsh place but thanks for your opinion.
When your messages run into the hundreds like most ladies on here would you have time to reply even if it's to say no thanks?.
Us guys have it easy with only a handful of messages if we are lucky.
I don't envy the ladies in the slightest having to find a gem in a sea of shit!!"
Sea of shit!!.. why do guys berate other guys. They will reap what they sow.
perhaps its a pile of horse poo from your white steed. 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just don't check your sent box! Easier for everyone that way.
As a woman I get really irritated by multiple messages from one guy without a replay. I personally don't have time to reply "no thanks" to everybody that doesn't take my fancy. Plus that sometimes opens a can of worms and some people get quite aggressive.
My inbox in an unholy mess, so tend to reply very selectively and save messages from people that I want to continue conversation with
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hello ladies. Now I know that you’re all inundated with loads of messages and it’s hard for you to get through them all and reply. I’d like to know why some women choose to read messages but then not reply or delete them when they know they’re not interested in the guy the other end. Is there a reason for it because it must leave their inbox cluttered. Help me out please. "
Mainy because I'm going to get around to replying |
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By *opite_xWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Because they may want to respond to them later?
If that is so then why not reply saying you’ll be in touch later. Most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply. I’m sure women must feel the same if you send a message and a guy left it unanswered then you would feel dejected?
I think your comment ”most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply“ is a little unrealistic.
To put this into perspective for you, I only have a couples profile and have had 94 messages since Sunday.
That’s nothing compared to what single female profiles get.
If there isn’t a profile picture or pictures attached they’re usually the first to be binned.
If I have some interest I might keep the message to see how their profile goes.
Or I might quickly scan through deleting nothing with the intention of looking properly when I have time.
I think you need to stop reading too much into it.
If someone is interested enough they will reply at some point.
"
500 since Tuesday... I need a secretary haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to.
I guess you see the world as a harsh place but thanks for your opinion.
When your messages run into the hundreds like most ladies on here would you have time to reply even if it's to say no thanks?.
Us guys have it easy with only a handful of messages if we are lucky.
I don't envy the ladies in the slightest having to find a gem in a sea of shit!!
Sea of shit!!.. why do guys berate other guys. They will reap what they sow.
perhaps its a pile of horse poo from your white steed.
"
I was referring to the obvious copy and paste Messages,the fancy a fuck,the are you free now, they must get sick of it day in day out.
I take my time plan my messages with a finely honed presicion and I am always respectful and it's working well for me. |
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"Because they may want to respond to them later?
If that is so then why not reply saying you’ll be in touch later. Most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply. I’m sure women must feel the same if you send a message and a guy left it unanswered then you would feel dejected?
I think your comment ”most men think if you have time to read a message then you have time to reply“ is a little unrealistic.
To put this into perspective for you, I only have a couples profile and have had 94 messages since Sunday.
That’s nothing compared to what single female profiles get.
If there isn’t a profile picture or pictures attached they’re usually the first to be binned.
If I have some interest I might keep the message to see how their profile goes.
Or I might quickly scan through deleting nothing with the intention of looking properly when I have time.
I think you need to stop reading too much into it.
If someone is interested enough they will reply at some point.
"
This^^
As soon as I log on to my single female profile, the messages start coming through. It has on occasion taken me 2 hours to sort through those messages, as even more pile through whilst logged on. I’ve developed my own system of sorting through by deleting absolutely nos and saving some for later, when I have a chance to digest their profile and consider if I wish to reply or not. In the meantime, I’ve had some send a second message or third within 5 minutes asking why I haven’t replied or just ‘pity’. In that instance, I then use it as a filter, and they are then deleted and blocked.
Harsh, I know. As I have even more come in, whilst sorting out my incoming messages, leaving no time for perusing on the forum on that profile. Hence, I’m posting on this profile! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm an usual lady on here perhaps and have my corner of fab well under control lol and reply to virtually all my messages ... so if I read a message but don't reply just means I'm going to return to it, simple
The best you can do as a guy I think is not look at your sent messages at all ... save a lot time wondering about something beyond your control |
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I don't delete as I can't honestly be arsed and no it doesn't mess up my inbox. It amazes me how some men sit and worry about it. If I was a dude on here It wouldnt even occur to me to check my sent messages to see if they've been read, I'd just take a no reply as no interest, common sense really. |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"There are as many answers as there are women who do this.
Assume no or not yet until you hear otherwise and move on.
What if you don’t message loads of women and have chosen them because you only want to know a small amount of people? Hard to move on that way.
Tough shit, harsh but that's how things work, it doesn't matter how many people you do or don't message, if they don't want to reply or delete, they don't have to.
I guess you see the world as a harsh place but thanks for your opinion.
When your messages run into the hundreds like most ladies on here would you have time to reply even if it's to say no thanks?.
Us guys have it easy with only a handful of messages if we are lucky.
I don't envy the ladies in the slightest having to find a gem in a sea of shit!!
Sea of shit!!.. why do guys berate other guys. They will reap what they sow.
perhaps its a pile of horse poo from your white steed.
I was referring to the obvious copy and paste Messages,the fancy a fuck,the are you free now, they must get sick of it day in day out.
I take my time plan my messages with a finely honed presicion and I am always respectful and it's working well for me."
There are enough posts from ladies and couples saying the same about guys, chances are there are posts on this thread as well saying similar.
I see no need for guys to jump on the bandwagon. as I said in my post they'll reap what they sow.  |
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I’m too lazy 
