Hi, so we had an amazing time at a club on Saturday, played briefly with 2 couples before there was a knock at the door and it was time to leave. We've now arranged to meet up and a part of me can't wait. The other part of me is really nervous and starting to question if I really want to do this. For 12 years I've not even looked at another man. He's been my everything. But before him I had quite a wild, naughty side. I'm quite the exhibitionist and this lifestyle very much appeals to me. But my wedding vows were everything and I feel like I'm betraying him and our vows even though he wants this too. I don't want to feel ashamed and guilty afterwards. Feeling a bit confused and we've talked about this but it's not helped clear my mind. Any advice for a newby? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a common feeling for any new players,
If you have spoken about it, and feel you want to progress then do it, but at your own pace, having read your profile, the club you visited has a massive range of attendees so maybe start with soft swap or just voyeur fun?
The road is a long onw, and on the way you'll meet some good people and also some not so,
Speak about everything with your partner and no yiur rules.
Stay lucky
Jay |
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"Its a common feeling for any new players,
If you have spoken about it, and feel you want to progress then do it, but at your own pace, having read your profile, the club you visited has a massive range of attendees so maybe start with soft swap or just voyeur fun?
The road is a long onw, and on the way you'll meet some good people and also some not so,
Speak about everything with your partner and no yiur rules.
Stay lucky
Jay"
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, we've watched and played a couple of times at clubs now, last time after a brief play with other couples it definitely left me wanting more, a lot more! I guess it's in the cold light of day where other feelings begin to come into it, shame, guilt, fear of my family finding out and disowning me! Fear that it will change the way my husband looks at me and the way I look at him. As you may have noticed I overthink absolutely everything.  |
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Agreed, don't over think. Somethings you never really know until you do it. Your in the same boat as many of us in relationships that swing when we start out. Just go, enjoy and go at each other's speed. Then take it from there going forward. Just remember this is a joint enterprise, it's something your both experimenting with. So your not alone and it's something you'll sort together however it goes. Communication, openness and understanding are everything.
Hope it goes really we for both of you and opens up new horizons for you both to enjoy and share. |
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"Try not to over think it but do make sure your both on the same page.
Ps you looked fantastic at the weekend  "
Aw thank you so much! I have incredibly low self esteem so that genuinely means a lot to me, I was sooo nervous! And I try not to overthink, but I always overthink everything lol |
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"Agreed, don't over think. Somethings you never really know until you do it. Your in the same boat as many of us in relationships that swing when we start out. Just go, enjoy and go at each other's speed. Then take it from there going forward. Just remember this is a joint enterprise, it's something your both experimenting with. So your not alone and it's something you'll sort together however it goes. Communication, openness and understanding are everything.
Hope it goes really we for both of you and opens up new horizons for you both to enjoy and share."
Thank you so much for your advice, neither of us really know how we're going to feel about it until we've moved forward with it, which scares me because I usually know how I will feel about most things. I'm not used to feeling conflicted. And I completely overthink everything, always have! Will really try to stop lol |
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