FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Asking not to be watched in a public room
Asking not to be watched in a public room
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Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room? |
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By *w214Couple
over a year ago
Wirral |
"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?"
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available. |
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I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?"
In a public room you have the right not to be touched but you don't have the right not to be watched. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. "
omg so Frustrating   |
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. omg so Frustrating "
Wasn’t sure whether we should tell the manager but we didn’t..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. omg so Frustrating
Wasn’t sure whether we should tell the manager but we didn’t....."
I'd have asked for my £100 back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are playing in a public room you can't expect people to be happy if you ask them to leave. If you want privacy then wait for a private room to become available. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no is no remember that it doesn't matter where you are in that club if you dont like it youve paid to be there if others make you feel uncomfortable then dont hesitate say no........ see it say it sorted |
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"
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. "
Ok, even I know that's not ok.
I don't care how public, no one gets to touch me without my explicit consent. That makes me question all the advice suggested here, and makes me feel that actually what I am comfortable with is what should be ok, not what others want or feel entitled to.
If I'm happy for a certain guy to watch but another makes me uncomfortable (or have no one at all) then that is ok.
Thank you all for helping me clarify this in my own mind, in future I will be clearer about enforcing what i am comfortable with at the time. Sometimes that means being watched is ok, other times that means asking people to move on.
A public room in use, is still a room in use - and those using it get to set the boundaries for that time. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available. "
We would very strongly disagree with you here!! It is an explicit rule for all clubs - no-one has the right to touch you without permission even in a 'public' room. If that happened in the club we go to then the person would be thrown out!!
As for asking people not to watch then whilst playing in a public area then no you can't reasonably ask people to not watch. Either accept that people are going to watch you or don't play in a public area. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
We would very strongly disagree with you here!! It is an explicit rule for all clubs - no-one has the right to touch you without permission even in a 'public' room. If that happened in the club we go to then the person would be thrown out!!
As for asking people not to watch then whilst playing in a public area then no you can't reasonably ask people to not watch. Either accept that people are going to watch you or don't play in a public area."
You're stongly disagreeing with someone who has the same opinion as you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The clues in the name 'public room' that means anyone can go in and watch but not touch. Nobody should enter your personal space though and if they get to close you are well within your rights to ask them to move back.
Couples rooms are usually better if you dont want lots of guys watching you. We like being watched so we fuck in the bar area but thats just us   |
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Ok thank you for the input.
I think next time we'll just wait for a lockable private room rather than use an empty room no one is using without a lock and asking ppl not to watch.
I understand the expected boundaries a bit better, but none of this was explained (nor a tour even offered) at the club. Its all a bit if a learning experience.
Thank you for helping me on my journey |
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Sorry but if it's a public room you have no right to ask anyone to leave. Just wait for a private room to come available. Would you ask customers in a pub to leave if you fancied a quiet drink with friends?! |
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"Ok thank you for the input.
I think next time we'll just wait for a lockable private room rather than use an empty room no one is using without a lock and asking ppl not to watch.
I understand the expected boundaries a bit better, but none of this was explained (nor a tour even offered) at the club. Its all a bit if a learning experience.
Thank you for helping me on my journey "
Did you say it was your first time? Did you ask for a tour? |
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. "
some people will do that till they get the right people to join then shut the door. Although not sure there is aby rule about having to shut the doors. I like the rooms with the stable doors so they are clearly multi fuctional |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. some people will do that till they get the right people to join then shut the door. Although not sure there is aby rule about having to shut the doors. I like the rooms with the stable doors so they are clearly multi fuctional"
We've been in private rooms and had to open the door because of the heat generated from all the sex  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think it’s only fair that the same rules apply for all, otherwise it makes single males feel like second class citizens. I know that the behaviour of single males sometimes doesn’t show us in the best light, however |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
It is a public room so you can't ask them to leave. If they invade your personal space then you can tell them to back off but that is all.
People watching is ok so long as they don't stare as we had a few weeks ago from a single guy (very creepy) or discuss what they are having for dinner or a discussing about shopping, both of which have happened to us and I told them to fuck off to the bar if they wanted to just have a general chit chat. |
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Worst experience for my wife and i was 3 guys who continually followed us around, never tried to engage us with conversation, even followed us into play rooms, all 3 stood there with there coats on talking amongst themselves, pointing at my wife etc etc, fucking weird. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
Ok, even I know that's not ok.
I don't care how public, no one gets to touch me without my explicit consent. That makes me question all the advice suggested here, and makes me feel that actually what I am comfortable with is what should be ok, not what others want or feel entitled to.
If I'm happy for a certain guy to watch but another makes me uncomfortable (or have no one at all) then that is ok.
Thank you all for helping me clarify this in my own mind, in future I will be clearer about enforcing what i am comfortable with at the time. Sometimes that means being watched is ok, other times that means asking people to move on.
A public room in use, is still a room in use - and those using it get to set the boundaries for that time."
I think you've misunderstood what people are saying, you're entitled not to be touched but a public room is just that, public, you cannot stop people being in there. Other people might choose to come in and play, you cannot stop them. |
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"...
I understand the expected boundaries a bit better, but none of this was explained (nor a tour even offered) at the club. Its all a bit if a learning experience.
Thank you for helping me on my journey
Did you say it was your first time? Did you ask for a tour?"
Yes, first time I was there I asked but wad told they were too busy.
I was given a tour by a couple who had only been once before and they had a tour from another couple.
I don't even know which rooms lock, never mind the rules of each room!
I didn't play for the first two trips to try to understand this new world, so mistakes and missunderstanding are bound to happen.
Its a good club, but a tour and explanation (or a pamphlet if they are always that busy) would have really helped.
|
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So,thanks for explaining expecting etticate in the public rooms... What about dark rooms and glory hole rooms?
Is there a website that can educate me on what is generally considered the rules of each type of room, so I can educate myself and not have to bother you lovely people to much? I clearly have a lot to learn. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Worst experience for my wife and i was 3 guys who continually followed us around, never tried to engage us with conversation, even followed us into play rooms, all 3 stood there with there coats on talking amongst themselves, pointing at my wife etc etc, fucking weird. "
Would have thought you’d have the minerals just to turn round and say “go away” or something similar, why didn’t you?
It’s fairly common to see people not being adults and just sorting it out for themselves with a word rather than running off to the staff |
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"So,thanks for explaining expecting etticate in the public rooms... What about dark rooms and glory hole rooms?
Is there a website that can educate me on what is generally considered the rules of each type of room, so I can educate myself and not have to bother you lovely people to much? I clearly have a lot to learn."
Check with club management for confirmation of rules of that club. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available. "
I am sorry but I strongly disagree, yes if it a public room then you can’t ask people to leave but no one has the right to touch you or join in unless you want them too. Unless it has changed since I was a club regular it is an unwritten rule you wait until invited to join in by either gesture or word !!! |
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"Worst experience for my wife and i was 3 guys who continually followed us around, never tried to engage us with conversation, even followed us into play rooms, all 3 stood there with there coats on talking amongst themselves, pointing at my wife etc etc, fucking weird.
Would have thought you’d have the minerals just to turn round and say “go away” or something similar, why didn’t you?
It’s fairly common to see people not being adults and just sorting it out for themselves with a word rather than running off to the staff"
I did, but they either didn't understand, or pretended not to understand English. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
I am sorry but I strongly disagree, yes if it a public room then you can’t ask people to leave but no one has the right to touch you or join in unless you want them too. Unless it has changed since I was a club regular it is an unwritten rule you wait until invited to join in by either gesture or word !!!"
Nobody touched her without permission. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available. "
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission."
I tried, but some people  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. omg so Frustrating
Wasn’t sure whether we should tell the manager but we didn’t....."
Maybe like the op they wanted to be watched to start with but with the flexibility to close the door and carry on in private if it got too much
Wether they left the door open or closed either way it was occupied and you wouldnt be able to use it so i dont see the issue here |
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"if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission."
But this quote does say that you have no control regarding people touching you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
I tried, but some people "
I think the typo causing confusion is other THAN not that ... i read it wrong first time too |
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"if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
But this quote does say that you have no control regarding people touching you"
If it said you have no control over who touches you, you'd be right, but it doesn't, and you're not.
You have no control in a public room "other" than who can touch you.
Not "over" |
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"if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
But this quote does say that you have no control regarding people touching you"
Ummm, it says you have no control OTHER than who touches you. So it's saying you have full control over who touches you. |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
I tried, but some people
I think the typo causing confusion is other THAN not that ... i read it wrong first time too"
You're probably right, but it wasn't rocket science |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
I tried, but some people
I think the typo causing confusion is other THAN not that ... i read it wrong first time too
You're probably right, but it wasn't rocket science "
I give up, I'm out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
I tried, but some people
I think the typo causing confusion is other THAN not that ... i read it wrong first time too
You're probably right, but it wasn't rocket science "
True but then i would also think it was common sense that you cannot ask not to be watched in a public room so this thread shows that people less experienced in attending clubs genuinely dont know these rules so what seems obvious cannot be assumed knowledge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You when people say good grammar and spelling isn't important these days.... well threads like this prove them wrong! Lol"
I am queen of the typo ... most times it doesnt matter i guess but here it just threw people off |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
We would very strongly disagree with you here!! It is an explicit rule for all clubs - no-one has the right to touch you without permission even in a 'public' room. If that happened in the club we go to then the person would be thrown out!!
As for asking people not to watch then whilst playing in a public area then no you can't reasonably ask people to not watch. Either accept that people are going to watch you or don't play in a public area.
You're stongly disagreeing with someone who has the same opinion as you. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
I tried, but some people
I think the typo causing confusion is other THAN not that ... i read it wrong first time too
You're probably right, but it wasn't rocket science
I give up, I'm out. "
Ha ha ha .....run |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available. "
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window |
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"...
Maybe like the op they wanted to be watched to start with but with the flexibility to close the door and carry on in private if it got too much
Wether they left the door open or closed either way it was occupied and you wouldnt be able to use it so i dont see the issue here "
This is actually exactly what happened. We started with ppl watching, but then started asking them to leave.
I actually got overwhelmed and the session ended with me in tears but i didn't want that to be the issue while I'm learn and understanding what to expect and what is and isn't ok.
Now i know if i get overwhelmed to just stop and walk away myself, rather than ask others to leave if it's a public room. Lesson learned that asking people to leave isn't acceptable. |
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available.
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window"
If they want to be watched then they should go to a public room. Lockable rooms are for people who want private time! Next time it happens I will get the Manager out to decide who has the lockable room..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available.
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window
If they want to be watched then they should go to a public room. Lockable rooms are for people who want private time! Next time it happens I will get the Manager out to decide who has the lockable room....."
it'll be me always is |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
No the name is a clue lockable, i.e. the door may be locked or left open.
The problem for many with public rooms is many are put off by the noise other couples make when having sex.
Others do not like to be in an area where they could be touched without being asked (yes it does still happen).
Clubs are there to cater for all and most understand people have different wants and needs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"...
Maybe like the op they wanted to be watched to start with but with the flexibility to close the door and carry on in private if it got too much
Wether they left the door open or closed either way it was occupied and you wouldnt be able to use it so i dont see the issue here
This is actually exactly what happened. We started with ppl watching, but then started asking them to leave.
I actually got overwhelmed and the session ended with me in tears but i didn't want that to be the issue while I'm learn and understanding what to expect and what is and isn't ok.
Now i know if i get overwhelmed to just stop and walk away myself, rather than ask others to leave if it's a public room. Lesson learned that asking people to leave isn't acceptable."
I was meaning the people using the private room with the door open ... but maybe that is something you could try then it can be open when you feel comfortable or closed if you are not
Different clubs and different nights have different vibes and rules too so try some others out til you find what makes you comfortable
Not sure what club f is like now because it was about 4 years ago that i was there but i remember being very impressed with the room options they had for different levels of exhibitionism...
they had a room with like garden trellis for windows so people could see and hear in but it wasnt totally in your face they were watching ... and curtains to close if you wished
The next door room was a 2 way mirror so people could watch but you couldn’t see them
And they had an amsterdam room which was like the red window with the couch but if you wanted you could take things round behind the wall to a bed
All doors could be locked on certain nights of the week ... thought it was a great way to be able to test out your comfort zone with having sex in public and being watched |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available.
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window
If they want to be watched then they should go to a public room. Lockable rooms are for people who want private time! Next time it happens I will get the Manager out to decide who has the lockable room....."
This comes across as entitled, petty and toys out the pram i am afraid
You have no more right to the room than they do, you all paid your entry fee and they just happened to get there first ... would be very surprised if management told you otherwise as it sets a bad message of people not being allowed to draw their own boundaries
If you are so in need of a private room on demand i would suggest you and your playmate stay in the privacy of your home or a hotel next time |
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"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available.
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window
If they want to be watched then they should go to a public room. Lockable rooms are for people who want private time! Next time it happens I will get the Manager out to decide who has the lockable room.....
This comes across as entitled, petty and toys out the pram i am afraid
You have no more right to the room than they do, you all paid your entry fee and they just happened to get there first ... would be very surprised if management told you otherwise as it sets a bad message of people being allowed to draw their own boundaries
If you are so in need of a private room on demand i would suggest you and your playmate stay in the privacy of your home or a hotel next time "
Apologies if I sounded entitled as it was not my intention.
There are people who enjoy going to clubs for the social aspect who do not live together. I do think a couple wanting to be watched using a private room with the door open is preventing people who want private time from using that room.
You are assuming I live with my playmate? I wonder why you would assume that. No offence. |
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The problem here is that, single men in particular, tend to gradually creep closer.
Cupids is really bad for this, I was touched by a guy there the other week. My threat reduced his erection rather swiftly...
As a couple new to clubs, who were unaware of the etiquette and maybe felt less able to tell them to back off.
I would reccomend that the OP chooses a club where people can watch from outside a lockable room, if they want the best of both worlds.
Nita |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available.
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window
If they want to be watched then they should go to a public room. Lockable rooms are for people who want private time! Next time it happens I will get the Manager out to decide who has the lockable room.....
This comes across as entitled, petty and toys out the pram i am afraid
You have no more right to the room than they do, you all paid your entry fee and they just happened to get there first ... would be very surprised if management told you otherwise as it sets a bad message of people being allowed to draw their own boundaries
If you are so in need of a private room on demand i would suggest you and your playmate stay in the privacy of your home or a hotel next time
Apologies if I sounded entitled as it was not my intention.
There are people who enjoy going to clubs for the social aspect who do not live together. I do think a couple wanting to be watched using a private room with the door open is preventing people who want private time from using that room.
You are assuming I live with my playmate? I wonder why you would assume that. No offence. "
None taken... i didn’t assume that, which is why i said or hotel
You hit the nail on the head by saying SOME couples enjoy the social aspect and not ALL because it shows there are a variety of reasons people go
There are many different types of couples all there for many different reasons and at many different stages in their swinging journey
That couple might have been trying out playing in public for the first time... bit of a mood killer To try it out in a public room, find it makes you uncomfortable, have to stop play , get dressed and go find a private room , oh they are all locked well now we need to come back later
Much easier to use a lockable room with the door open and if you find you like it leave it open , if you don’t , swing it shut and continue play
I guess my point is unless you are breaking a clear rule or disrespecting people, you should be free to use rooms how you wish to allow you to go at your own pace
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This happened in quest the other week some people were in a public room (even though the private ones were available) I was looking for my friends and whoever was in there slammed the door right in my face and trapped my finger   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry but if it's a public room you have no right to ask anyone to leave. Just wait for a private room to come available. Would you ask customers in a pub to leave if you fancied a quiet drink with friends?!"
Great analogy |
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"The problem here is that, single men in particular, tend to gradually creep closer.
Cupids is really bad for this, I was touched by a guy there the other week. My threat reduced his erection rather swiftly...
As a couple new to clubs, who were unaware of the etiquette and maybe felt less able to tell them to back off.
I would reccomend that the OP chooses a club where people can watch from outside a lockable room, if they want the best of both worlds.
Nita"
Ooops not Cupids I meant Quest.
No problems with single guys ever at Cupids.
The single guys at Quest are the most disrespectful of any club we have been to and we have been to over 20 clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I completely understand this if no private rooms are available but ‘public room’ means people can go in and they won’t like being told to leave.
My playmate and I once saw a couple playing in a private room with the door open for people to watch which was annoying as we needed the room so we did not end up playing that night as no private rooms were available.
The couple might have been happy for other to watch them play but wanted to be sure they did not get too close to them. It is the same as the clubs which have roped off couples areas where couples can play with people watching but not approaching them, an extension of the viewing window
If they want to be watched then they should go to a public room. Lockable rooms are for people who want private time! Next time it happens I will get the Manager out to decide who has the lockable room....."
It's bad when they are in a private room and they just sit there chatting so no-one else can use the room. Very annoying.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
But this quote does say that you have no control regarding people touching you"
It doesn’t. It’s supposed to say no control other than who touches you. It’s a spelling mistake |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will not let anyone touch me...likewise if they are in my space I ask them to move...just because it is a public room does not give people the right to invade personsl space |
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By *onyMad123Couple
over a year ago
nottingham/ derby |
If in public areas people welcome to watch and participate with permission only, but i had a group a few weeks ago, bear in mind i was restrained with my partner in charge, two were allowed to touch through clothes and my legs, but one went on to go under clothes and kiss breasts without permission, and both were told to stop and go away, which they did, then the one respectful person who i felt at ease with was welcome to touch a little more, and we had great fun and this we enjoyed.
You are not a piece of meat, but If in public be prepared for people to watch, but be firm, no touch means no touch
I like curtained areas and half doors and have no issue being watched If in the mood, but If get vocal or pushy, just shut them out. We had a particularly vocal watcher, who actually ended up with me and OH in fits of laughter or simply wait for private areas If this isnt your thing.
I have no issue with mannerley vouyers, If i went more and like the look of someone, a invite may follow |
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"Surely chams has a time limit for people using private rooms?
Nope, how would they even police it? Have timers? "
Other clubs have members of staff with watches... you mean you could have a private room all night?! Wtf?! |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Surely chams has a time limit for people using private rooms?
Nope, how would they even police it? Have timers?
Other clubs have members of staff with watches... you mean you could have a private room all night?! Wtf?! "
I dunno, I've never known anyone to stay in one all night but I've also never known there to be a time limit, my sessions tend to last longer than 45 minutes so I guess I'd be turfed out lol. |
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"Surely chams has a time limit for people using private rooms?
Nope, how would they even police it? Have timers?
Other clubs have members of staff with watches... you mean you could have a private room all night?! Wtf?!
I dunno, I've never known anyone to stay in one all night but I've also never known there to be a time limit, my sessions tend to last longer than 45 minutes so I guess I'd be turfed out lol."
How many private rooms are there? |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Surely chams has a time limit for people using private rooms?
Nope, how would they even police it? Have timers?
Other clubs have members of staff with watches... you mean you could have a private room all night?! Wtf?!
I dunno, I've never known anyone to stay in one all night but I've also never known there to be a time limit, my sessions tend to last longer than 45 minutes so I guess I'd be turfed out lol.
How many private rooms are there?"
Ummmm 5 rooms then the 3 dungeon areas that can be closed off but you can still watch through them |
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By *iss-louWoman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
I am sorry but I strongly disagree, yes if it a public room then you can’t ask people to leave but no one has the right to touch you or join in unless you want them too. Unless it has changed since I was a club regular it is an unwritten rule you wait until invited to join in by either gesture or word !!!"
You arent reading the post youre quoting properly...
Youve said you disagree strongly... but the quoted post says exactly what you have about consent and not being touched |
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"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
We would very strongly disagree with you here!! It is an explicit rule for all clubs - no-one has the right to touch you without permission even in a 'public' room. If that happened in the club we go to then the person would be thrown out!!
As for asking people not to watch then whilst playing in a public area then no you can't reasonably ask people to not watch. Either accept that people are going to watch you or don't play in a public area."
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"Played at a Swingers club for thr first time a few days ago and loved it.
Didn't mind the audience at first (and we got quiet a crowd) but when we wanted a bit of quiet time and all the lockable rooms were taken, we went to a public room.
We didn't want an audience then but I didn't feel like we could ask them to leave (although we did start to towards the end).
I am torn between "it was a public room so asking them to leave was rude" and "i have a right to set boundaries even if its a public room and its ok to ask them to leave".
I'm not sure what is ok to do in the future. Is it ok to ask people not to watch even though it's not a lockable private room?
In my opinion your hunch is right here, if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you. Either play or don't, if there's a reason you don't want to play in public then wait for a private room to come available.
I am sorry but I strongly disagree, yes if it a public room then you can’t ask people to leave but no one has the right to touch you or join in unless you want them too. Unless it has changed since I was a club regular it is an unwritten rule you wait until invited to join in by either gesture or word !!!
You arent reading the post youre quoting properly...
Youve said you disagree strongly... but the quoted post says exactly what you have about consent and not being touched "
People got confused about the typo but aren't seeming to see what the issue is lol. |
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"if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
But this quote does say that you have no control regarding people touching you"
Once again, this quote paraphrased:
Other than having control over who touches you, you have no control over what people do in a public room.
In a public room, you can't control what people do. Other than having control over who touches you.
Clearer now? |
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"if it's a public room then you have no control other that who touches you.
For everyone who keeps misreading this...it says OTHER not over. Nobody is saying you can be touched without permission.
But this quote does say that you have no control regarding people touching you
Once again, this quote paraphrased:
Other than having control over who touches you, you have no control over what people do in a public room.
In a public room, you can't control what people do. Other than having control over who touches you.
Clearer now?"
Not really, as we have also established its ok to ask them to move out of your personal space.
I also assume it's ok to ask them to take their conversation elsewhere if they are chatting or generally interrupting the scene or others concentration.
It was a hugely missfortunate typepo that has caused a lot of kick back.
But from what I gather from the thread, you shouldn't ask them to stop watching unless they do something specific that disrupts others.
If I get overwhelmed, I should stop and move to somewhere private instead of asking them to leave. |
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By *rK MrsJCouple
over a year ago
Kidderminster |
"...
Maybe like the op they wanted to be watched to start with but with the flexibility to close the door and carry on in private if it got too much
Wether they left the door open or closed either way it was occupied and you wouldnt be able to use it so i dont see the issue here
This is actually exactly what happened. We started with ppl watching, but then started asking them to leave.
I actually got overwhelmed and the session ended with me in tears but i didn't want that to be the issue while I'm learn and understanding what to expect and what is and isn't ok.
Now i know if i get overwhelmed to just stop and walk away myself, rather than ask others to leave if it's a public room. Lesson learned that asking people to leave isn't acceptable."
Chams in Darlaston always give new people a tour. |
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"...
Chams in Darlaston always give new people a tour. "
That's great, but this was Chams in Newport. They were short staffed so hopefully I was just unlucky and that isn't a regular issue.
I asked for a tour and was told they weren't available to give me one. Life goes on. |
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