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Advice from horny people needed.
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
As the male part of a couple I struggle every month from about a week and a half before my wife comes on. Once she passes the midway point in her cycle her sex drive disappears. Now I understand I need to support her during this time and not put my needs onto her yet I always find this challenging. I am 100% honest and not a cheat. She said she does not mind me flirting with others online as long as far as it goes. I have not attempted to flirt with anyone as after 20year of marriage I have kind have forgotten how. Would anyone want to flirt/tease with a married man with no attention of meeting? |
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"As the male part of a couple I struggle every month from about a week and a half before my wife comes on. Once she passes the midway point in her cycle her sex drive disappears. Now I understand I need to support her during this time and not put my needs onto her yet I always find this challenging. I am 100% honest and not a cheat. She said she does not mind me flirting with others online as long as far as it goes. I have not attempted to flirt with anyone as after 20year of marriage I have kind have forgotten how. Would anyone want to flirt/tease with a married man with no attention of meeting?"
I really don’t get this. Your wife, the woman you’re married to and presumably love above all others has a variable libido, and you find it “challenging” to not force your needs upon her? Have you any idea how appalling that makes you sound? Have a wank (or several, as many as it takes) for god’s sake. Are you here looking for people to give you permission to go further? You profile suggests that it is you attempting to push this further than your wife’s comfort zone, and that she has next to no input into it. I’d be very careful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When people see a profile of a couple but only the male can meet, it’s met with mistrust. So many people pretend to be a couple to try and beat the game. |
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Sounds like its your wife who has the problem mate, not you. She's found herself married to someone who needs regular attention from other women whenever she's not feeling at her best. How shit must that feel???
Man-to-man advice - Show her some consideration, support and love before she loses respect for you mate. Be affectionate and close when she's poorly, not because youre horny but because you care about her. Start behaving like the sort of husband she'd want to you to be before you cause her to stop fancying you altogether. Nothing kills a woman's libido faster than a bloke who's turned elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This isn’t swinging, you’ve dragged the wife to a club a few times had a little play, she is not really into it and now you are trying to get play on your own, most people will see through this nonsense and steer a wide birth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think i would be looking to what you could do for her. Personally im a bitch just before but that doesn't mean i can't be persuaded.
On the other hand there's plenty of people on here who will string you along with no intention of meeting  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Won’t she see this and feel shitty?
I would feel awful if G used our account to complain about my menstrual cycle.
Do what you’re going to do it’s just her permission that you need, it’s up to whoever you try to talk with to try to decide if you come across as honest. I wouldn’t think so. -Mrs |
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I strongly suspect the wife has no idea about this account. If you read the profile it’s reads like the OP’s fantasy. It’s also worded in an extremely naive way. It doesn’t ring true at all.whatever he was expecting from this thread has seriously backfired. |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"As the male part of a couple I struggle every month from about a week and a half before my wife comes on. Once she passes the midway point in her cycle her sex drive disappears. Now I understand I need to support her during this time and not put my needs onto her yet I always find this challenging. I am 100% honest and not a cheat. She said she does not mind me flirting with others online as long as far as it goes. I have not attempted to flirt with anyone as after 20year of marriage I have kind have forgotten how. Would anyone want to flirt/tease with a married man with no attention of meeting?"
I personally would have this discussion with your wife to be honest and work together at it.
When I was in a long term relationship, it was an issue especially when I was away with work. But we worked it out.
As much as spontaneous shags are great, a well planned seduction works wonders too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I strongly suspect the wife has no idea about this account. If you read the profile it’s reads like the OP’s fantasy. It’s also worded in an extremely naive way. It doesn’t ring true at all.whatever he was expecting from this thread has seriously backfired. "
What like yours? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry but you really are full of it. The usually devoted husband needing just a little outlet for his unmet needs, with nothing expected in return - who are you kidding - stomach churning stuff or what! |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
How's about an equal relationship OP? Get your wife to create an account that says "Sexy chat & pic swaps only". Then when she's in the mood she can be sexy with other guys on here as well as or instead of with you.
How's that sit with you?
S |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As the male part of a couple I struggle every month from about a week and a half before my wife comes on. Once she passes the midway point in her cycle her sex drive disappears. Now I understand I need to support her during this time and not put my needs onto her yet I always find this challenging. I am 100% honest and not a cheat. She said she does not mind me flirting with others online as long as far as it goes. I have not attempted to flirt with anyone as after 20year of marriage I have kind have forgotten how. Would anyone want to flirt/tease with a married man with no attention of meeting?"
If your wife is happy for you to flirt then why not?
You wont get much luck on the forums with this post though, the white knights and haters will be all over you like a rash 
You obviously visit clubs so why not exchange contact details with a few couples on nights out and setup a few kik groups where you can all chat?
That way even when your wife is feeling delicate you can still chat and she can read it and join in at any point.
Goodluck op  |
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"How's about an equal relationship OP? Get your wife to create an account that says "Sexy chat & pic swaps only". Then when she's in the mood she can be sexy with other guys on here as well as or instead of with you.
How's that sit with you?
S"
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By *ornLordMan
over a year ago
Wiltshire and London |
"As the male part of a couple I struggle every month from about a week and a half before my wife comes on. Once she passes the midway point in her cycle her sex drive disappears. Now I understand I need to support her during this time and not put my needs onto her yet I always find this challenging. I am 100% honest and not a cheat. She said she does not mind me flirting with others online as long as far as it goes. I have not attempted to flirt with anyone as after 20year of marriage I have kind have forgotten how. Would anyone want to flirt/tease with a married man with no attention of meeting?"
So she’s up for it two weeks in every four. You don’t know you’re born. |
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"As the male part of a couple I struggle every month from about a week and a half before my wife comes on. Once she passes the midway point in her cycle her sex drive disappears. Now I understand I need to support her during this time and not put my needs onto her yet I always find this challenging. I am 100% honest and not a cheat. She said she does not mind me flirting with others online as long as far as it goes. I have not attempted to flirt with anyone as after 20year of marriage I have kind have forgotten how. Would anyone want to flirt/tease with a married man with no attention of meeting?
So she’s up for it two weeks in every four. You don’t know you’re born."
Lucky if my wife is up for it one day in a year  |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
Thanks for the messages and the honesty. You all seem to suspect I am not honest with my wife. This is not true. I do have my own problems and do struggle without any attention from more that a week. For years I just had a quick cum to deal with it. For the last few years I started to notice how much energy that depleted so stopped cuming regularly. This makes me feel like a teenager again but on the bad side it can makes me needy. I love my wife very much yet the rejection (any Affection including non sexual) during the late part of her cycle is brutal. I have spent the last few years making sure all of her needs are met and I work on my issues to face my own need for love and comfort during this time by myself within myself. Some months If I feel I have done too much for everyone else I crave some fun and excitement in my life as well as that love and comfort. I don’t want to burden my wife with that but I foolishly do. I have faced my own selfishness yet the solution is not easy to carry out. So here I am being brutally honest asking for help. Will I continue to be insulted??? |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
"How's about an equal relationship OP? Get your wife to create an account that says "Sexy chat & pic swaps only". Then when she's in the mood she can be sexy with other guys on here as well as or instead of with you.
How's that sit with you?
S "
errr I wish... I find it a turn on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the messages and the honesty. You all seem to suspect I am not honest with my wife. This is not true. I do have my own problems and do struggle without any attention from more that a week. For years I just had a quick cum to deal with it. For the last few years I started to notice how much energy that depleted so stopped cuming regularly. This makes me feel like a teenager again but on the bad side it can makes me needy. I love my wife very much yet the rejection (any Affection including non sexual) during the late part of her cycle is brutal. I have spent the last few years making sure all of her needs are met and I work on my issues to face my own need for love and comfort during this time by myself within myself. Some months If I feel I have done too much for everyone else I crave some fun and excitement in my life as well as that love and comfort. I don’t want to burden my wife with that but I foolishly do. I have faced my own selfishness yet the solution is not easy to carry out. So here I am being brutally honest asking for help. Will I continue to be insulted???"
Like i said in my reply you wont find any help here.. this post is like a white knight/forumite beacon!!!
Make some swinging friends and you'll be well away with what you're looking. We have loads of friends from clubs etc who we can message and chat with when we get the urge  |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
"Sorry but you really are full of it. The usually devoted husband needing just a little outlet for his unmet needs, with nothing expected in return - who are you kidding - stomach churning stuff or what!"
Thanks for your honest opinion. Why is this such a Cliche for men. What’s the root of the problem here. I personally try do do personal work to deal with it. It’s brought me great awareness to where this neediness comes from. Awareness alone does not resolve the issue. All men want to be good men. Life can be unkind and cruel and leave us wounded. Those wounds can make it hard to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders like what’s expected of us as men. My wound is a sense of being disconnected and alone even why surrounded by family. Sex and feeling wanted is very soothing to this wound. That’s the cliche |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
"This isn’t swinging, you’ve dragged the wife to a club a few times had a little play, she is not really into it and now you are trying to get play on your own, most people will see through this nonsense and steer a wide birth"
Ok yes kind of. I would not say my wife was not into it. She enjoys the clubs and has a good time. She is very fearful of sexual diseases. I do have a much higher drive than she does and playing alone has been talked about but we decided against it. I would not break my wife’s trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear OP, every woman is different, perhaps most men are basically the same!
When libido is hormone driven, men can be lazy - and I include myself in that. So maybe, you need to dig deeper, find ways that can engage her at a deeper level, massage, touching but non sexually, giving something to her without the endgame being you receiving something. Start elsewhere in the house, not just the bedroom, with affirming, kindness, learn to give without expectation of receiving.
(Not saying you don’t do this but just to give an idea)
Maybe post ovulation, she doesn’t feel nice about herself, so try to show the opposite perspective. It’s called love!
Above all, communicate! Hope you can work it out
A fellow man. |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
"Dear OP, every woman is different, perhaps most men are basically the same!
When libido is hormone driven, men can be lazy - and I include myself in that. So maybe, you need to dig deeper, find ways that can engage her at a deeper level, massage, touching but non sexually, giving something to her without the endgame being you receiving something. Start elsewhere in the house, not just the bedroom, with affirming, kindness, learn to give without expectation of receiving.
(Not saying you don’t do this but just to give an idea)
Maybe post ovulation, she doesn’t feel nice about herself, so try to show the opposite perspective. It’s called love!
Above all, communicate! Hope you can work it out
A fellow man. "
Thanks very helpful. We have been getting into tantric stuff. I tried back in May making the whole month about her (nothing expected in return). Whatever she needed she just had to ask. It went well at first but interestingly post ovulation she became withdrawn and disconnected and stopped requesting and refused my prompt for her to ask. So i gave space as that’s what was needed. I found it more challenging than I expected. It brought up my own issues of being walked all over by others in life. Maybe I should try that again in September. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like its your wife who has the problem mate, not you. She's found herself married to someone who needs regular attention from other women whenever she's not feeling at her best. How shit must that feel???
Man-to-man advice - Show her some consideration, support and love before she loses respect for you mate. Be affectionate and close when she's poorly, not because youre horny but because you care about her. Start behaving like the sort of husband she'd want to you to be before you cause her to stop fancying you altogether. Nothing kills a woman's libido faster than a bloke who's turned elsewhere. "
Well said  my faith is restored! |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
"Sounds like its your wife who has the problem mate, not you. She's found herself married to someone who needs regular attention from other women whenever she's not feeling at her best. How shit must that feel???
Man-to-man advice - Show her some consideration, support and love before she loses respect for you mate. Be affectionate and close when she's poorly, not because youre horny but because you care about her. Start behaving like the sort of husband she'd want to you to be before you cause her to stop fancying you altogether. Nothing kills a woman's libido faster than a bloke who's turned elsewhere.
Well said my faith is restored!"
I appreciate honesty help. I thought We were safe being honest here without being shamed. I am trying to look at these kind of responses fairly. A lot of assumptions are being made. She is not poorly. She is choosing to put herself first and have her own space which I support. I am here if she needs me for anything. Whilst she is off in her own world I find myself facing some difficulties in feeling rejected. I can bury it like “a man” I have been doing so most my life. Yet I am choosing to face the uncomfortable. I have not turned elsewhere and tell my wife everything. I choose honesty even when it’s not complementary to myself as that’s how I learn and grow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP. You have a wife that loves you. What more do you want? Go have a wank. Have several wanks. Stop wasting time on here - this isn't for you.
I had endometriosis for most of my adult life. For 2 weeks out of every 4 I was in great pain. I now have scar tissue galore. If I ever have another partner, I will be so hurt and disappointed in him if he had your viewpoint. |
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By *andm300 OP Man
over a year ago
guildford |
"OP. You have a wife that loves you. What more do you want? Go have a wank. Have several wanks. Stop wasting time on here - this isn't for you.
I had endometriosis for most of my adult life. For 2 weeks out of every 4 I was in great pain. I now have scar tissue galore. If I ever have another partner, I will be so hurt and disappointed in him if he had your viewpoint. "
I guess it’s “shame on me” for having needs and a desire to feel wanted. My needs I can deal with but feeling wanted and comforted is not so easy. Despite my continuous effort at working on my issues and being the best person I can be I guess this desire to be wanted is despicable to others. Yes my poor wife.... I loved her and often feel how she deserves someone better, someone with a more manageable sex drive. I try my best to be that better person. Clearly I am failing due to these pesky Insatiable desires to go to that beautiful comforting blissful place with another where u feel truly “home”. I do need help, and just want to get it right for those around me. I was hoping this site was a safer place from shaming when seeking advice even if a correction to someone is needed I am not sure shame is the best way to achieve it.
Please excuse my oversharing and turning advice into therapy  |
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