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Club etiquette
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all, we are completely new to this type of thing, so far we have only swapped pics and videos with others, we have decided we may like to try a club one evening.
This is the bit where we are completely lost and are after some genuine advice please, could we attend a club and just observe what is happening?
Maybe watch what others are doing whilst entertaining just ourselves by touching each other etc? I read a lot that no means no but is that frowned upon by others in the club? Would we be seen as prudes if we weren’t comfortable taking part straight away?
Sorry if these seem stupid questions but we are just a bit nervous about how to go about things.
Many thanks. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What you're describing is perfectly normal. You don't have to play if you don't want to. You can even just socialise. "
Thank you for the reply, the idea of watching others turns us on massively, it’s just the idea of taking part that terrifies us at the minute!! X
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"What you're describing is perfectly normal. You don't have to play if you don't want to. You can even just socialise.
Thank you for the reply, the idea of watching others turns us on massively, it’s just the idea of taking part that terrifies us at the minute!! X
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That's normal too! There are private rooms if you want to. And not so private rooms. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What you're describing is perfectly normal. You don't have to play if you don't want to. You can even just socialise.
Thank you for the reply, the idea of watching others turns us on massively, it’s just the idea of taking part that terrifies us at the minute!! X
That's normal too! There are private rooms if you want to. And not so private rooms. "
Thank you  x |
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I (E) went to Mature Mischief at Liberties for my first club experience in August. I felt the same apprehension you describe. I was lucky that I had someone experienced at my side. I found everyone super friendly. I felt absolutely no pressure, it was all at my pace and boundaries. We did, just as you describe. It’s an incredible experience that I would highly recommend. You will be fine.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Go to a club with good reviews on here, and ask the staff how it works. That's the best way. But your boundaries are totally normal and it sounds like you'll be fine. "
Yes we’d need someone to hold our hands so to speak lol, start nice and slowly and go from there  |
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By *6bikerMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
I've been to a good number of clubs both as a single guy and as a couple. There are plenty of women and couples who don't get involved with the action. They just enjoy the social side or indeed they go to watch others and are often just as nervous as you!
I'd advise going on a night that is "couples only" to avoid single guys, who will massively outnumber women on a mixed night and can occasionally get a bit pushy. That said, if you tell them you're just here to watch, they'll eventually get bored and go away! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've been to a good number of clubs both as a single guy and as a couple. There are plenty of women and couples who don't get involved with the action. They just enjoy the social side or indeed they go to watch others and are often just as nervous as you!
I'd advise going on a night that is "couples only" to avoid single guys, who will massively outnumber women on a mixed night and can occasionally get a bit pushy. That said, if you tell them you're just here to watch, they'll eventually get bored and go away! "
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I (E) went to Mature Mischief at Liberties for my first club experience in August. I felt the same apprehension you describe. I was lucky that I had someone experienced at my side. I found everyone super friendly. I felt absolutely no pressure, it was all at my pace and boundaries. We did, just as you describe. It’s an incredible experience that I would highly recommend. You will be fine.
"
Excellent, thank you for the reply x |
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The social side is imperative to us, we're not a play n go scenario. As your not looking for single men pic couples and female nights quite a few are on Sat, odd one We'd or Sunday, obviously depends on area you want to go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some clubs you don't even have to dress down if you stay in the bar , just tell them it's your first time and they will show you around and maybe just have a drink and a chat ,or maybe a dip in the hot tub . We took small steps for our first fee visits and we just enjoy playing on our own but with others watching |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some clubs you don't even have to dress down if you stay in the bar , just tell them it's your first time and they will show you around and maybe just have a drink and a chat ,or maybe a dip in the hot tub . We took small steps for our first fee visits and we just enjoy playing on our own but with others watching "
Sounds like fun, thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The social side is imperative to us, we're not a play n go scenario. As your not looking for single men pic couples and female nights quite a few are on Sat, odd one We'd or Sunday, obviously depends on area you want to go"
Thank you for the advice x |
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We’ve been to a few clubs now over two years and more often than not we’re there to socialise. We do involve others but only those we’ve got to know beforehand. Some couples we’ve known since starting out and still mainly just social. Occasionally we’ll arrange to meet a couple we know at a club rather than just out in the vanilla world.
There’s never any expectations to play. |
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All newbies to Townhouse get a tour of the club, whether they are first timers or just new to the club. All events are hosted, so there is a go-to person to help out with any questions. Most clubs work in a similar way, so it’s not just ‘in at the deep end’.
Consent is critical - unless it’s agreed by everyone, no one should be touched, or be touching others. Some people like to just watch, some couples only play together, but enjoy being watched. Some like to share, others like to see their partner with someone else. Every dynamic is different, so do t worry that you’ll stand out. How you do it is up to you!
Find a club that suits you, then find the right event too.
If you’ve got any questions about Townhouse, feel free to drop me a message
M x |
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You might find a club where most people just wear towels easier, in that this takes away the need to choose what to wear before you've seen what other people wear.
Also, having everyone in much the same 'clothing' someone's seems to make people more open to each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t fret at all, at most club nights you will be in the majority if you just watch and play with each other rather than the minority, pick a club with a large open play area such as VA or libs on a standard Saturday night and you’ll be fine x |
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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
We went to our first ever party and had an orgy!! Haha. That was our choice we decided to take an all or nothing approach!
If you explain you're there to watch and make no thank you clear it will be fine . Everyone is there for different things. |
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No always means no and those who do not respect this will be asked to leave and potentially lose their membership. They will have signed membership agreements that indicate this, as well as other behavioural codes around respect for others.
Some club nights are themed or accessible to select types of people - including couples only.
Everyone is entitled to be in the club and to consensually engage or not, with anyone else. This can mean that you enjoy watching or putting on a display, without any contact and you could share a private room for this too.
Overall, don't be concerned too much. You could just use your first visit to take a look, chat with owners and others there, whilst taking a look. Depending on the place, you could position yourselves such that others couldn't get close to you, without you noticing them (people have occasionally had someone creep up on them, potentially hoping to touch or join in - this would still be forbidden, unless there is consent. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No always means no and those who do not respect this will be asked to leave and potentially lose their membership. They will have signed membership agreements that indicate this, as well as other behavioural codes around respect for others.
Some club nights are themed or accessible to select types of people - including couples only.
Everyone is entitled to be in the club and to consensually engage or not, with anyone else. This can mean that you enjoy watching or putting on a display, without any contact and you could share a private room for this too.
Overall, don't be concerned too much. You could just use your first visit to take a look, chat with owners and others there, whilst taking a look. Depending on the place, you could position yourselves such that others couldn't get close to you, without you noticing them (people have occasionally had someone creep up on them, potentially hoping to touch or join in - this would still be forbidden, unless there is consent."
Thanks for the advice x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We went to our first ever party and had an orgy!! Haha. That was our choice we decided to take an all or nothing approach!
If you explain you're there to watch and make no thank you clear it will be fine . Everyone is there for different things."
Sounds like you had a lot of fun!!  |
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By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"We went to our first ever party and had an orgy!! Haha. That was our choice we decided to take an all or nothing approach!
If you explain you're there to watch and make no thank you clear it will be fine . Everyone is there for different things.
Sounds like you had a lot of fun!! "
We did! But our approach isn't for everyone haha. |
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We was the same. We set up social or jumped on a party night we found the fancy dress and the forum chat an ice breaker. Where you looking at going and when see if there a post for that day. For us so far we loved club sx and chams for there chilled approach to swinging. But we do like trying new clubs still get nervous. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We recently started going to clubs and have had a great time. Much better for us than trying to arrange meets on this site.
What we did was just go the first time with the intention of talking to others and watching a little bit, the second time to play with each other and watch a lot more and by the third visit we'd made some friends and already arranged to have some play with others and had a great time as a result.
we found everyone is totally respectful and everyone was very aware that we were new and inexperienced and made an extra effort to make sure we were all happy and OK, we honestly can't have had a better experience overall (this was going to VA).
What we would suggest though is that you find out which club you want to visit first and try to arrange it so you can visit it a few times in a row so you get to be familiar with the club and people there, also try and arrange a social on the day you visit the club via a meet on here or put a post on the forum to say you're going as it is far easier to go knowing that you've got someone to meet and say hello to. |
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The first time we went to a club we sat in the car outside for half an hour first! ! When we did go in we were made to feel very welcome. We didn’t play but watched a bit and chatted with others. Then we engaged in some play between ourselves in a communal area then went to a private room and had an amazing time!!! .... we ended up the last to leave! ?? |
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Lots of couples go to clubs and enjoy the social side, the naughty sexaully charged atmosphere and the sights but do not want to play with others outside of their relationship. That as a couple is an experiance that is hot to share together in its self. Kind of reminds me of a TED talk I seen on Youtube entitled Monogamish, made that video would be of intrest to you? And in scene it is perfectly ok and people will be fine.
The only tips I'd give is be open and honest with other that you do not play with others. Also if you play with together in an open/group area and/or want to play in close proximity to others do expect (hopefully polite respectful) offers to join you (unless you've set out your boundries with others before you've entered). So be happy to politely say no thanks. But no one will mind, just your presence there will make the atmosphere hotter without joining in with others.
Simply go, be yourselves, be open about what your there for and people will simply love you came to share the night with them even if you don't swing.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The first time we went to a club we sat in the car outside for half an hour first! ! When we did go in we were made to feel very welcome. We didn’t play but watched a bit and chatted with others. Then we engaged in some play between ourselves in a communal area then went to a private room and had an amazing time!!! .... we ended up the last to leave! ?? "
Sounds like you certainly enjoyed it, thanks for the advice x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Lots of couples go to clubs and enjoy the social side, the naughty sexaully charged atmosphere and the sights but do not want to play with others outside of their relationship. That as a couple is an experiance that is hot to share together in its self. Kind of reminds me of a TED talk I seen on Youtube entitled Monogamish, made that video would be of intrest to you? And in scene it is perfectly ok and people will be fine.
The only tips I'd give is be open and honest with other that you do not play with others. Also if you play with together in an open/group area and/or want to play in close proximity to others do expect (hopefully polite respectful) offers to join you (unless you've set out your boundries with others before you've entered). So be happy to politely say no thanks. But no one will mind, just your presence there will make the atmosphere hotter without joining in with others.
Simply go, be yourselves, be open about what your there for and people will simply love you came to share the night with them even if you don't swing.
"
Cheers for the advice mate  |
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