FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Stage fright, any help?
Stage fright, any help?
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OK so I don't normally post on the forums. However feel like I could do with some advice. So my boyfriend has been on the swinging scene for many year and introduced me to it around 10 months ago. We have played with other couples full swap and everything is fineand I love it!!! I want to try me, him and a single guy and he wants to watch me get fucked by another guy too. We only go to clubs and I look forward to this happening everytime we go. However, I keep getting stage fright when I'm there. I'm not the most confident and I over think the situation way too much, incase I don't please. Dont get me Wrong I've never had any complaints but it could always happen! I think, because I will be centre of attention, it makes me panic alittle. He does everything right and asks me things before it happens and what I want but I think sometimes I need the decision to be out of my hands. Where do I find the line? Has anyone experienced this before. Xx |
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"OK so I don't normally post on the forums. However feel like I could do with some advice. So my boyfriend has been on the swinging scene for many year and introduced me to it around 10 months ago. We have played with other couples full swap and everything is fineand I love it!!! I want to try me, him and a single guy and he wants to watch me get fucked by another guy too. We only go to clubs and I look forward to this happening everytime we go. However, I keep getting stage fright when I'm there. I'm not the most confident and I over think the situation way too much, incase I don't please. Dont get me Wrong I've never had any complaints but it could always happen! I think, because I will be centre of attention, it makes me panic alittle. He does everything right and asks me things before it happens and what I want but I think sometimes I need the decision to be out of my hands. Where do I find the line? Has anyone experienced this before. Xx"
I know how you feel. I have anxiety issues but you’d never know if you’re read my verifications.
My suggestion, if you don’t want a way to back out, get him to tie you to a bed, and blindfold you. Obviously have a safe word, but you can imaging it’s your BF fucking you until you felt comfortable.
Hope you manage it, happy fabbing (can’t believe I’ve just said that lol) |
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"OK so I don't normally post on the forums. However feel like I could do with some advice. So my boyfriend has been on the swinging scene for many year and introduced me to it around 10 months ago. We have played with other couples full swap and everything is fineand I love it!!! I want to try me, him and a single guy and he wants to watch me get fucked by another guy too. We only go to clubs and I look forward to this happening everytime we go. However, I keep getting stage fright when I'm there. I'm not the most confident and I over think the situation way too much, incase I don't please. Dont get me Wrong I've never had any complaints but it could always happen! I think, because I will be centre of attention, it makes me panic alittle. He does everything right and asks me things before it happens and what I want but I think sometimes I need the decision to be out of my hands. Where do I find the line? Has anyone experienced this before. Xx
I know how you feel. I have anxiety issues but you’d never know if you’re read my verifications.
My suggestion, if you don’t want a way to back out, get him to tie you to a bed, and blindfold you. Obviously have a safe word, but you can imaging it’s your BF fucking you until you felt comfortable.
Hope you manage it, happy fabbing (can’t believe I’ve just said that lol)"
Thank you, I always love to be tied up. But I think he get abit worried incase he oversteps with me but like you say always a safe word. Thank you xxx |
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"Relax don't over think things. It will happen naturally.
If you are getting stage fright then you are not ready.
It will feel right if and when you are ready."
I feel like I really want to do it and the thought of it turns us both on so much. I know it's part of the process but I hate rejection. Think that's my problem
|
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"Relax don't over think things. It will happen naturally.
If you are getting stage fright then you are not ready.
It will feel right if and when you are ready.
I feel like I really want to do it and the thought of it turns us both on so much. I know it's part of the process but I hate rejection. Think that's my problem
"
I’ve felt this too, is it ok for me to pm you about it? |
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"Relax don't over think things. It will happen naturally.
If you are getting stage fright then you are not ready.
It will feel right if and when you are ready.
I feel like I really want to do it and the thought of it turns us both on so much. I know it's part of the process but I hate rejection. Think that's my problem
I’ve felt this too, is it ok for me to pm you about it? "
Sure x |
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"OK so I don't normally post on the forums. However feel like I could do with some advice. So my boyfriend has been on the swinging scene for many year and introduced me to it around 10 months ago. We have played with other couples full swap and everything is fineand I love it!!! I want to try me, him and a single guy and he wants to watch me get fucked by another guy too. We only go to clubs and I look forward to this happening everytime we go. However, I keep getting stage fright when I'm there. I'm not the most confident and I over think the situation way too much, incase I don't please. Dont get me Wrong I've never had any complaints but it could always happen! I think, because I will be centre of attention, it makes me panic alittle. He does everything right and asks me things before it happens and what I want but I think sometimes I need the decision to be out of my hands. Where do I find the line? Has anyone experienced this before. Xx"
Try the MMF thing & then B'f slips away to you leave & the other playing, he'll still be there though remember that   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I feel like I really want to do it and the thought of it turns us both on so much. I know it's part of the process but I hate rejection. Think that's my problem
"
Firstly, this is entirely, 100% normal. If you asked 1000 people in the street, 999 would have the same reaction. Well, 999 would probably call the police because this strange person has accosted them in the street asking about group sex, but you know what I mean.
There's two possibilities here. Either a) that scene isn't actually for you, although given what you typed it sounds like that actually isn't it.
b) You're jumping in too far into the deep end with people your not comfortable with yet. Some people like the anonymous aspect, and that's completely fine and legit, but most people require a degree of comfort before they get into it. If your in a club, maybe spend more time chatting, getting to know a guy, flirt a little, build up a bit more of a comfortable reporte. You don't have to worry about rejection that way, because you know you're all on the same level.
(Also, rejection is just part of this game, as it is with all relationships. Embrace it! Everyone isn't for everyone else, the sooner you see it in those terms and not as a personal attack the better. That goes for way more than swinging!)
Don't do the tying up thing someone mentioned though, that's mental. |
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"
I feel like I really want to do it and the thought of it turns us both on so much. I know it's part of the process but I hate rejection. Think that's my problem
Firstly, this is entirely, 100% normal. If you asked 1000 people in the street, 999 would have the same reaction. Well, 999 would probably call the police because this strange person has accosted them in the street asking about group sex, but you know what I mean.
There's two possibilities here. Either a) that scene isn't actually for you, although given what you typed it sounds like that actually isn't it.
b) You're jumping in too far into the deep end with people your not comfortable with yet. Some people like the anonymous aspect, and that's completely fine and legit, but most people require a degree of comfort before they get into it. If your in a club, maybe spend more time chatting, getting to know a guy, flirt a little, build up a bit more of a comfortable reporte. You don't have to worry about rejection that way, because you know you're all on the same level.
(Also, rejection is just part of this game, as it is with all relationships. Embrace it! Everyone isn't for everyone else, the sooner you see it in those terms and not as a personal attack the better. That goes for way more than swinging!)
Don't do the tying up thing someone mentioned though, that's mental. "
Yeh I really enjoy it, I love swapping with couples because it does make me feel more comfortable because everyone's involved if that makes sense. To be honest I'm quite intrigued with the other option of not being able to get away ha! I spoke to lots of single guys last night, but obviously it has to be initiated by me to go into a room etc, that the bit I think ohh God. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
nottingham
You're sexy and you wont be short of offers! Believe me it'll be the guys worried you'll be rejecting them. And as not being good enough again it's the guys who'll be worry about this stuff. Dont let any thoughts of not being good enough enter your head again. Embrace how sexy you are and have some fun xx
|
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"nottingham
You're sexy and you wont be short of offers! Believe me it'll be the guys worried you'll be rejecting them. And as not being good enough again it's the guys who'll be worry about this stuff. Dont let any thoughts of not being good enough enter your head again. Embrace how sexy you are and have some fun xx
"
Thank you xx |
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Maybe think about a hotel or something instead of a club where it's more public and random. May mean more planning but reduces the unknown for the first time. Then if comfortable you can try in a club or even arrange to meet someone in the club to do it. Hope you get through it. Sure you will do it when it feels right. |
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"Relax don't over think things. It will happen naturally.
If you are getting stage fright then you are not ready.
It will feel right if and when you are ready."
I have to disagree with that. Stage fight is quite normal when your new to things and that will only dissappear the more she does it, everyone who takes part in the lifestyle has to start somewhere. For us it was mmf meets which i can toally understand where the lady is coming from. It almost felt like because I was the only F that it was on me to start play first which caused me to be very anxious about weather I was doing things right, being clumsy, making sure each person got the same amount of attention but the more experience we get the easier it will all become. Stage fright does not mean she is not ready. She is just learning. |
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Shaz....im hearing ya.
I used to be like this, im a larger girl and struggled with confidence.
Those men are there to have sex simple as that, women are aleays in control at a club and you make the decisions. They are all trying to be the chosen one, you put on that crown, push them tits up, stick that arse out and walk round that club like a queen. you decide who is worthy to play with you. You make the choice n you drag thier arse in and get them to satisfy you. Have the time of your life if they are good. |
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By *rab74Man
over a year ago
Huntingdon |
Re the tying up thing...
I'm in the early days of playing with a girl who's a brat. One of the things we talked about early and often was that she'll overthink things and try to get out of stuff, and then be disappointed afterwards for not getting it. She was very clear that she needed to not be allowed to do that, regardless of what she said at the time. So far we've been doing this at home with kink, but we're just starting going to clubs too.
This puts a massive responsibility on me to get it right. I need to read her body language and figure out whether she should take more of whatever, or whether she's actually had enough and I call a halt or at least move onto something else. I need to be able to judge that reasonably reliably without having to constantly take her out of subspace with asking "are you sure you're OK?" every 10 seconds. (And err on the side of safety if I have any uncertainty.)
So the tying up thing could be an option. But only if that's already a part of your play, *and* only if you're comfortable with explicitly making him responsible for you already, *and* only if he's comfortable with taking that power exchange already. If that's a kink thing you already do in private, then great. If not, I'd suggest in public in a club isn't the place to start. |
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