FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Could i go through with it?
Could i go through with it?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Evening all after some advice from you all,
For the last few months I have had fantasies about my mrs getting fucked by someone else. She also says this turns her on but worries about fantasy v reality on both our parts. She has been texting/flirting with other men for the last month or so after I asked her to.
It all started when we were having an honest chat and she admitted to flirting with men when I was around as she says she “loves to manipulate men and see me jealous” from here my curiosity and intrigue has grown.
I have always been a jealous person but only recently have these feelings turned me on. For example we were out at the weekend and on the way home she told me a bouncer had been giving her the eye all night when we were dancing. Notmally i would have been raging and caused an argument however i found myself getting aroused.
She really doesnt think id be able to cope with me feelings if she did have sex with someone else. I admit that some things we have tried I have loved at the time then regretted after the event and caused a few arguments but then find myself wanting to try them again. I struggle to deal with my emotions or embarassment.
I know the ultimate decision lies with the two of us but in your experiences and from what i have said should i persue this or let it go as the last thing i want is to lose her |
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By *ay4youEKMan
over a year ago
East Kilbride |
If you don't mind explaining what things you have regrets about doing,it would be easier to give a more thorough answer.
From the rest of what you've said it seems like you're lining yourself up for some form of cockold dynamic with your Mrs?
If that's not what you're going for it sounds like you may not not be able to cope with the emotional aspect of it. However it also may be the case that your Mrs is actually infact a manipulative cunt goblin who enjoys seeing you suffer... Which I sincerely hope isn't the case.
Apologies for being so animated, as long as you both feel comfortable with what you're doing and can communicate effectively anything is possible, but as I said, some more context regarding the incidents you regret might help us give better advice.
The last |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the moment I’d say you’re both playing with fire.
Sounds like you have far to many doubts to be going ahead with this just yet.
Swinging is about trust, honesty and communication. If you don’t have these three things it can tear you apart.
V |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jealousy and swinging rarely go together ..it helps if you’re open and quite liberated ...at the risk of repetition, being sexually liberated with a partner in that situation and being the jealous type don’t go hand in hand. |
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"Jealousy and swinging rarely go together .."
Unless it's a cuckold scenario when the feelings of jealousy, powerlessness and sexual frustration can combine to give the cuck what he needs.
OP remember that the key to starting out is baby steps and you need to find a bull with the patience to go at a pace you are all comfortable with i.e. not one that thinks a cuckold relationship is all about him shagging your partner! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Evening all after some advice from you all,
For the last few months I have had fantasies about my mrs getting fucked by someone else. She also says this turns her on but worries about fantasy v reality on both our parts. She has been texting/flirting with other men for the last month or so after I asked her to.
It all started when we were having an honest chat and she admitted to flirting with men when I was around as she says she “loves to manipulate men and see me jealous” from here my curiosity and intrigue has grown.
I have always been a jealous person but only recently have these feelings turned me on. For example we were out at the weekend and on the way home she told me a bouncer had been giving her the eye all night when we were dancing. Notmally i would have been raging and caused an argument however i found myself getting aroused.
She really doesnt think id be able to cope with me feelings if she did have sex with someone else. I admit that some things we have tried I have loved at the time then regretted after the event and caused a few arguments but then find myself wanting to try them again. I struggle to deal with my emotions or embarassment.
I know the ultimate decision lies with the two of us but in your experiences and from what i have said should i persue this or let it go as the last thing i want is to lose her"
Maybe show her your profile and go from there? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you don't mind explaining what things you have regrets about doing,it would be easier to give a more thorough answer.
From the rest of what you've said it seems like you're lining yourself up for some form of cockold dynamic with your Mrs?
If that's not what you're going for it sounds like you may not not be able to cope with the emotional aspect of it. However it also may be the case that your Mrs is actually infact a manipulative cunt goblin who enjoys seeing you suffer... Which I sincerely hope isn't the case.
Apologies for being so animated, as long as you both feel comfortable with what you're doing and can communicate effectively anything is possible, but as I said, some more context regarding the incidents you regret might help us give better advice.
The last "
Thanks for the reply so a couple of things we have tried:
Pegging - very unsure at first embarassment after I now love this
We went to the attic in Derby once only played with each other but she got a lot of attention (male and female) at the time I loved it then felt a bit wierd for a couple of days
She had a girls night out I asked her to flirt with men then come home and tell me all about it while degrading me, again at the time great then felt a bit strange but want her to do it again
I have always said I’d love to see her lick a woman out and she seems much more open to this.
I absolutely love the term “manipulative cunt goblin” had me laughing very loudly this morning but honestly she is one of the most loving people I have ever met she just has a slightly dark kinky side to her haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At the moment I’d say you’re both playing with fire.
Sounds like you have far to many doubts to be going ahead with this just yet.
Swinging is about trust, honesty and communication. If you don’t have these three things it can tear you apart.
V"
Thanks for your honesty kind of what I had thought. She has had bi experiences when younger (we both have) and I have told her I’d love to see this which she seems more open to |
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"
I absolutely love the term “manipulative cunt goblin” had me laughing very loudly this morning but honestly she is one of the most loving people I have ever met she just has a slightly dark kinky side to her haha"
Pro Tip
DON'T tell her you were laughing because some called her a manipulative cunt goblin. It won't go well  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I absolutely love the term “manipulative cunt goblin” had me laughing very loudly this morning but honestly she is one of the most loving people I have ever met she just has a slightly dark kinky side to her haha
Pro Tip
DON'T tell her you were laughing because some called her a manipulative cunt goblin. It won't go well "
But it will be my go to insult next time we argue |
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The reference to manipulation, raging, causing a scene and jealousy make me think you should leave this as fantasy.
Causing problems between yourself is one thing, causing them for someone else quite another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The reference to manipulation, raging, causing a scene and jealousy make me think you should leave this as fantasy.
Causing problems between yourself is one thing, causing them for someone else quite another."
Have to agree with this advice  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The reference to manipulation, raging, causing a scene and jealousy make me think you should leave this as fantasy.
Causing problems between yourself is one thing, causing them for someone else quite another.
Have to agree with this advice "
As many of said most areas of swinging has no place for jealousy.
Me and my wife play with other guys MFM, couples MFFM and MFF with single women. We have 100% trust and security with each other. If there was ever any sign of jealousy creeping in from either of us all play would be knocked on the head. Our relationship and security with each other is the most important thing.
Also we don't get emotional involved in anyway with the people we play with to us the are an additional sex toy for the night (that's sounds crass but the people we meet want the same).
Getting your wife to go out and flirt with men etc involves emotions both hers and the 3rd party men and that's playing with fire.
Is she a member on fab?
Does she know your on fab?
The other side of things is cuckolding some of what your say lends itself to that lifestyle but your better getting advice off people who are in a cuckold relationship.
Good luck
KJ x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have a single profile tho,so this jealous thing isn't gonna go down well.why not a couples fab and both just see what happens .....don't rush into things |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The reference to manipulation, raging, causing a scene and jealousy make me think you should leave this as fantasy.
Causing problems between yourself is one thing, causing them for someone else quite another."
That’s exactly my thoughts too. If the OP is unsure as to how he might react it could lead to a very ugly situation for the third person 
V |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The reference to manipulation, raging, causing a scene and jealousy make me think you should leave this as fantasy.
Causing problems between yourself is one thing, causing them for someone else quite another.
Have to agree with this advice
As many of said most areas of swinging has no place for jealousy.
Me and my wife play with other guys MFM, couples MFFM and MFF with single women. We have 100% trust and security with each other. If there was ever any sign of jealousy creeping in from either of us all play would be knocked on the head. Our relationship and security with each other is the most important thing.
Also we don't get emotional involved in anyway with the people we play with to us the are an additional sex toy for the night (that's sounds crass but the people we meet want the same).
Getting your wife to go out and flirt with men etc involves emotions both hers and the 3rd party men and that's playing with fire.
Is she a member on fab?
Does she know your on fab?
The other side of things is cuckolding some of what your say lends itself to that lifestyle but your better getting advice off people who are in a cuckold relationship.
Good luck
KJ x"
Thanks for taking the time to reply. She knows I browse but haven’t told her I post yet. Wanted some opinions to take to her |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Think long and hard before lifting the lid on Pandoras Box OP - once it's off it is very difficult to put back on and can lead to all sorts of issues and ultimately the potential breakdown of your relationship - so ask yourself if you are prepared to let that happen before you take things any further.
If you do decide to do so, make sure you have very clear boundaries in place and agreement that they will not be broken by either of you, and that if either of you decide it's time to stop then you stop without any question.
But before you even get that far, and involving others, you really need to be 100% sure it's what you actually really want - it takes a heck of a lot to be able to watch the person you love with someone else, let alone know that they are with someone else while you are at home and it can completely f*** with your brain - so be very very careful before you start playing with fire. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If in doubt don’t do it, don’t get me wrong it can be fun but the reality is you can’t undo it once done and once you cross the line of fantasy especially with issues of jealousy it won’t go well.
Flashing flirting fine but don’t think your ready yet for this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Think long and hard before lifting the lid on Pandoras Box OP - once it's off it is very difficult to put back on and can lead to all sorts of issues and ultimately the potential breakdown of your relationship - so ask yourself if you are prepared to let that happen before you take things any further.
If you do decide to do so, make sure you have very clear boundaries in place and agreement that they will not be broken by either of you, and that if either of you decide it's time to stop then you stop without any question.
But before you even get that far, and involving others, you really need to be 100% sure it's what you actually really want - it takes a heck of a lot to be able to watch the person you love with someone else, let alone know that they are with someone else while you are at home and it can completely f*** with your brain - so be very very careful before you start playing with fire."
Thanks for the reply trust me it feels like one of the hardest decisions to make wether i try and push it forward or not. Just for clarification she wouldn’t be alone we I would be in room/house. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Think long and hard before lifting the lid on Pandoras Box OP - once it's off it is very difficult to put back on and can lead to all sorts of issues and ultimately the potential breakdown of your relationship - so ask yourself if you are prepared to let that happen before you take things any further.
If you do decide to do so, make sure you have very clear boundaries in place and agreement that they will not be broken by either of you, and that if either of you decide it's time to stop then you stop without any question.
But before you even get that far, and involving others, you really need to be 100% sure it's what you actually really want - it takes a heck of a lot to be able to watch the person you love with someone else, let alone know that they are with someone else while you are at home and it can completely f*** with your brain - so be very very careful before you start playing with fire.
Thanks for the reply trust me it feels like one of the hardest decisions to make wether i try and push it forward or not. Just for clarification she wouldn’t be alone we I would be in room/house."
It actually shouldn't be that hard a decision - based on the fact you are undecided and in such turmoil over it, the *only* decision to make out of fairness to others you may involve, and for the sake of your relationship is NOT to do it - make any other decision given the doubts you have and it will, in my opinion, be the wrong decision completely. |
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"If you don't mind explaining what things you have regrets about doing,it would be easier to give a more thorough answer.
From the rest of what you've said it seems like you're lining yourself up for some form of cockold dynamic with your Mrs?
If that's not what you're going for it sounds like you may not not be able to cope with the emotional aspect of it. However it also may be the case that your Mrs is actually infact a manipulative cunt goblin who enjoys seeing you suffer... Which I sincerely hope isn't the case.
Apologies for being so animated, as long as you both feel comfortable with what you're doing and can communicate effectively anything is possible, but as I said, some more context regarding the incidents you regret might help us give better advice.
The last "
Manipulative cunt goblin?? Can I stea that please, I think it describes my sister down to a tee  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a similar dilemna in two relationships...I went through with it both times...the relationships faltered (Probably as a direct result)...But it's given me a lifetime of flashbacks when spanking the monkey! |
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Talk to her.
Sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people don't communicate properly.
Explain all this to her, be open and honest and ask her to be the same, non-judgemental.
Talk about your concerns, and your fantasies, tell her about your worries and your desires.
The more open you are, the more likely it is that, perhaps in a small way, you can both enjoy some form of involving others that you are both comfortable with.
Don't be afraid to lay your soul bare, this is, after all, the person who you hope to share your entire life with.
Ask from her the same, ask her to be open, honest, and communicative, try to both discuss this in a calm, open and trusting manner.
If you both cant do the above, swinging is most definitely not for you. |
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"Talk to her.
Sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people don't communicate properly.
Explain all this to her, be open and honest and ask her to be the same, non-judgemental.
Talk about your concerns, and your fantasies, tell her about your worries and your desires.
The more open you are, the more likely it is that, perhaps in a small way, you can both enjoy some form of involving others that you are both comfortable with.
Don't be afraid to lay your soul bare, this is, after all, the person who you hope to share your entire life with.
Ask from her the same, ask her to be open, honest, and communicative, try to both discuss this in a calm, open and trusting manner.
If you both cant do the above, swinging is most definitely not for you."
My thoughts exactly xx me and the hubby are new to swinging but we have great communication and it's all about baby steps with each other. We explain what we both want and discuss how we feel after each step. We have been together for 18 years and our relationship is tight now more than ever. Being open and honest with each other is the key to feeling settled and the trust is 100%.
In my opinion OP I don't feel you are Ready to jeopise your relationship just as yet xx
Take it all in the stride and speak honesty with her x
Tara xx |
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I understand about communication and trying new things as a couple it's all good and fun. But if you have feelings like you do by the sound of it just Know what your getting yourself into. It's all good thinking about things you want to try out as a couple. Just make sure you can deal with it after all is done. You cannot have it both ways wanting her to do something then regretting it after. So think about it before making any decision good luck |
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There’s a very very easy answer to your question
Get her to empty you balls while talking about this topic
If you are still horny once empty, then this is for you
If not, it’s just a horny kink, and you may regret afterwards |
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"If you don't mind explaining what things you have regrets about doing,it would be easier to give a more thorough answer.
From the rest of what you've said it seems like you're lining yourself up for some form of cockold dynamic with your Mrs?
If that's not what you're going for it sounds like you may not not be able to cope with the emotional aspect of it. However it also may be the case that your Mrs is actually infact a manipulative cunt goblin who enjoys seeing you suffer... Which I sincerely hope isn't the case.
Apologies for being so animated, as long as you both feel comfortable with what you're doing and can communicate effectively anything is possible, but as I said, some more context regarding the incidents you regret might help us give better advice.
The last
Thanks for the reply so a couple of things we have tried:
Pegging - very unsure at first embarassment after I now love this
We went to the attic in Derby once only played with each other but she got a lot of attention (male and female) at the time I loved it then felt a bit wierd for a couple of days
She had a girls night out I asked her to flirt with men then come home and tell me all about it while degrading me, again at the time great then felt a bit strange but want her to do it again
I have always said I’d love to see her lick a woman out and she seems much more open to this.
I absolutely love the term “manipulative cunt goblin” had me laughing very loudly this morning but honestly she is one of the most loving people I have ever met she just has a slightly dark kinky side to her haha"
Sounds very much like you are naturally moving towards either a cuckold/hotwife or stag/vixen set up. If you both agree, then there are lots of ways to explore it.
Maybe next steps would be playing exclusively together at a club, but openly, so people can watch. Try visiting some different club events - especially couples only or specific cuck events - and chat to other like minded couples.
You mention bi-play. That might also help you find what you’re looking for, so maybe try some bi-nights at clubs. Again, there is no pressure to play with others, it just gives you a feel for the lifestyle & whether you feel it is right for you.
Whatever you do, make sure you communicate openly & honestly and you go at a pace you are both comfortable with. There’s no ‘taking one for the team’ - you both have to be happy with what you are doing!!
Good luck OP x |
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"There’s a very very easy answer to your question
Get her to empty you balls while talking about this topic
If you are still horny once empty, then this is for you
If not, it’s just a horny kink, and you may regret afterwards "
That is the best advice I have read on this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talk to her.
Sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people don't communicate properly.
Explain all this to her, be open and honest and ask her to be the same, non-judgemental.
Talk about your concerns, and your fantasies, tell her about your worries and your desires.
The more open you are, the more likely it is that, perhaps in a small way, you can both enjoy some form of involving others that you are both comfortable with.
Don't be afraid to lay your soul bare, this is, after all, the person who you hope to share your entire life with.
Ask from her the same, ask her to be open, honest, and communicative, try to both discuss this in a calm, open and trusting manner.
If you both cant do the above, swinging is most definitely not for you."
This is actually great advice we sat down and started talking about things last night writing thoughts and feelings. She has asked for some time to think about it but thanks for the reply |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Talk to her.
Sounds obvious, but you'd be surprised how many people don't communicate properly.
Explain all this to her, be open and honest and ask her to be the same, non-judgemental.
Talk about your concerns, and your fantasies, tell her about your worries and your desires.
The more open you are, the more likely it is that, perhaps in a small way, you can both enjoy some form of involving others that you are both comfortable with.
Don't be afraid to lay your soul bare, this is, after all, the person who you hope to share your entire life with.
Ask from her the same, ask her to be open, honest, and communicative, try to both discuss this in a calm, open and trusting manner.
If you both cant do the above, swinging is most definitely not for you.
My thoughts exactly xx me and the hubby are new to swinging but we have great communication and it's all about baby steps with each other. We explain what we both want and discuss how we feel after each step. We have been together for 18 years and our relationship is tight now more than ever. Being open and honest with each other is the key to feeling settled and the trust is 100%.
In my opinion OP I don't feel you are Ready to jeopise your relationship just as yet xx
Take it all in the stride and speak honesty with her x
Tara xx"
Hey Tara thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply we have started opening communication on it will see how it goes. Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I understand about communication and trying new things as a couple it's all good and fun. But if you have feelings like you do by the sound of it just Know what your getting yourself into. It's all good thinking about things you want to try out as a couple. Just make sure you can deal with it after all is done. You cannot have it both ways wanting her to do something then regretting it after. So think about it before making any decision good luck "
Thanks for the reply. This is exactly what I want to avoid. She has tried things previously (not like this) and I have blamed her for my feelings I can understand why this would make her wary so definitly something I dont want to happen this time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There’s a very very easy answer to your question
Get her to empty you balls while talking about this topic
If you are still horny once empty, then this is for you
If not, it’s just a horny kink, and you may regret afterwards
That is the best advice I have read on this thread."
Well she shouted someone elses name while I was licking her out nearly shot my load everywhere there and then |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you don't mind explaining what things you have regrets about doing,it would be easier to give a more thorough answer.
From the rest of what you've said it seems like you're lining yourself up for some form of cockold dynamic with your Mrs?
If that's not what you're going for it sounds like you may not not be able to cope with the emotional aspect of it. However it also may be the case that your Mrs is actually infact a manipulative cunt goblin who enjoys seeing you suffer... Which I sincerely hope isn't the case.
Apologies for being so animated, as long as you both feel comfortable with what you're doing and can communicate effectively anything is possible, but as I said, some more context regarding the incidents you regret might help us give better advice.
The last
Thanks for the reply so a couple of things we have tried:
Pegging - very unsure at first embarassment after I now love this
We went to the attic in Derby once only played with each other but she got a lot of attention (male and female) at the time I loved it then felt a bit wierd for a couple of days
She had a girls night out I asked her to flirt with men then come home and tell me all about it while degrading me, again at the time great then felt a bit strange but want her to do it again
I have always said I’d love to see her lick a woman out and she seems much more open to this.
I absolutely love the term “manipulative cunt goblin” had me laughing very loudly this morning but honestly she is one of the most loving people I have ever met she just has a slightly dark kinky side to her haha
Sounds very much like you are naturally moving towards either a cuckold/hotwife or stag/vixen set up. If you both agree, then there are lots of ways to explore it.
Maybe next steps would be playing exclusively together at a club, but openly, so people can watch. Try visiting some different club events - especially couples only or specific cuck events - and chat to other like minded couples.
You mention bi-play. That might also help you find what you’re looking for, so maybe try some bi-nights at clubs. Again, there is no pressure to play with others, it just gives you a feel for the lifestyle & whether you feel it is right for you.
Whatever you do, make sure you communicate openly & honestly and you go at a pace you are both comfortable with. There’s no ‘taking one for the team’ - you both have to be happy with what you are doing!!
Good luck OP x"
Thank you for your thoughts it is something else we can sit down and discuss before making any final decision |
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Why not sort your own shit out first before involving others
