FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Femdom
Femdom
Jump to: Newest in thread
I'm a switch not a Domme but when topping I look for someone who has similar interests to me. Also someone who isn't just looking to treat me as a kink dispenser there to fulfil their list of demands. I usually top women and have only ever really topped men who I was already involved with who were curious about experiencing things from the other side. I have very recently however approached a submissive guy that I have met through the kink scene and apparently another female switch friend of mine has also! He had always interacted with us previously just as human beings and got to know us as people rather than potential fantasy fulfillers. He was a really nice, friendly guy and it was such a breath of fresh air. It's clearly working for him too if two women have approached him already! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a switch not a Domme but when topping I look for someone who has similar interests to me. Also someone who isn't just looking to treat me as a kink dispenser there to fulfil their list of demands. I usually top women and have only ever really topped men who I was already involved with who were curious about experiencing things from the other side. I have very recently however approached a submissive guy that I have met through the kink scene and apparently another female switch friend of mine has also! He had always interacted with us previously just as human beings and got to know us as people rather than potential fantasy fulfillers. He was a really nice, friendly guy and it was such a breath of fresh air. It's clearly working for him too if two women have approached him already!"
That sounds great, just unfortunately for me, I’ve never had the experience with someone where they would want to take control, ladies just seem to want me to be in control, which I have no problem with, but I’m similar to you as I like to switch. Doesn’t help that I don’t get much chance at a social life to try and meet new people either. It’s not something I demand, but really want to try if you understand  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey, I’m just wondering what the dommes on here look for in a sub, it’s something I really want to try but never had the opportunity. "
No response from your thread 7 weeks ago asking for a domme ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hey, I’m just wondering what the dommes on here look for in a sub, it’s something I really want to try but never had the opportunity.
No response from your thread 7 weeks ago asking for a domme ?"
I’ve barely been on here and it’s something that is fantasy for me, I’m not specifically trying to get a meet directly through posts. I’m trying to learn |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a switch not a Domme but when topping I look for someone who has similar interests to me. Also someone who isn't just looking to treat me as a kink dispenser there to fulfil their list of demands. I usually top women and have only ever really topped men who I was already involved with who were curious about experiencing things from the other side. I have very recently however approached a submissive guy that I have met through the kink scene and apparently another female switch friend of mine has also! He had always interacted with us previously just as human beings and got to know us as people rather than potential fantasy fulfillers. He was a really nice, friendly guy and it was such a breath of fresh air. It's clearly working for him too if two women have approached him already!
That sounds great, just unfortunately for me, I’ve never had the experience with someone where they would want to take control, ladies just seem to want me to be in control, which I have no problem with, but I’m similar to you as I like to switch. Doesn’t help that I don’t get much chance at a social life to try and meet new people either. It’s not something I demand, but really want to try if you understand "
When I said list of demands I meant that a lot of submissive men approach Dominant women like "I want you to do this, this and this to me". There's very often little thought given to what the Dominant woman wants. Obviously you want to discuss what they enjoy most, things they're curious about and things that are totally off limits beforehand but I might choose to withold the things they like most until I feel they've earnt it so I can use it as a reward or I might give them a little but hold of on doing it properly because I enjoy watching them squirm and making them beg. Basically what I'm trying to say is a lot of men say they want to submit but really they don't. They just want someone to provide their fantasies and they don't actually want to Dominant woman to have any input or control and that isn't submission. Even if you remove the D/s aspect it's pretty boring to be involved in any scenario with someone who doesn't put any thought into whether the other person enjoys it too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a switch not a Domme but when topping I look for someone who has similar interests to me. Also someone who isn't just looking to treat me as a kink dispenser there to fulfil their list of demands. I usually top women and have only ever really topped men who I was already involved with who were curious about experiencing things from the other side. I have very recently however approached a submissive guy that I have met through the kink scene and apparently another female switch friend of mine has also! He had always interacted with us previously just as human beings and got to know us as people rather than potential fantasy fulfillers. He was a really nice, friendly guy and it was such a breath of fresh air. It's clearly working for him too if two women have approached him already!
That sounds great, just unfortunately for me, I’ve never had the experience with someone where they would want to take control, ladies just seem to want me to be in control, which I have no problem with, but I’m similar to you as I like to switch. Doesn’t help that I don’t get much chance at a social life to try and meet new people either. It’s not something I demand, but really want to try if you understand
When I said list of demands I meant that a lot of submissive men approach Dominant women like "I want you to do this, this and this to me". There's very often little thought given to what the Dominant woman wants. Obviously you want to discuss what they enjoy most, things they're curious about and things that are totally off limits beforehand but I might choose to withold the things they like most until I feel they've earnt it so I can use it as a reward or I might give them a little but hold of on doing it properly because I enjoy watching them squirm and making them beg. Basically what I'm trying to say is a lot of men say they want to submit but really they don't. They just want someone to provide their fantasies and they don't actually want to Dominant woman to have any input or control and that isn't submission. Even if you remove the D/s aspect it's pretty boring to be involved in any scenario with someone who doesn't put any thought into whether the other person enjoys it too."
I completely agree, it’s letting the dominant have full control that is such a turn on for me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a switch not a Domme but when topping I look for someone who has similar interests to me. Also someone who isn't just looking to treat me as a kink dispenser there to fulfil their list of demands. I usually top women and have only ever really topped men who I was already involved with who were curious about experiencing things from the other side. I have very recently however approached a submissive guy that I have met through the kink scene and apparently another female switch friend of mine has also! He had always interacted with us previously just as human beings and got to know us as people rather than potential fantasy fulfillers. He was a really nice, friendly guy and it was such a breath of fresh air. It's clearly working for him too if two women have approached him already!
That sounds great, just unfortunately for me, I’ve never had the experience with someone where they would want to take control, ladies just seem to want me to be in control, which I have no problem with, but I’m similar to you as I like to switch. Doesn’t help that I don’t get much chance at a social life to try and meet new people either. It’s not something I demand, but really want to try if you understand
When I said list of demands I meant that a lot of submissive men approach Dominant women like "I want you to do this, this and this to me". There's very often little thought given to what the Dominant woman wants. Obviously you want to discuss what they enjoy most, things they're curious about and things that are totally off limits beforehand but I might choose to withold the things they like most until I feel they've earnt it so I can use it as a reward or I might give them a little but hold of on doing it properly because I enjoy watching them squirm and making them beg. Basically what I'm trying to say is a lot of men say they want to submit but really they don't. They just want someone to provide their fantasies and they don't actually want to Dominant woman to have any input or control and that isn't submission. Even if you remove the D/s aspect it's pretty boring to be involved in any scenario with someone who doesn't put any thought into whether the other person enjoys it too.
I completely agree, it’s letting the dominant have full control that is such a turn on for me "
I've been very curious to try this side too. Its really difficult though finding a lady willing to take it forward, especially with a novice. Thanks for your input guys |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
If you're truly serious about living out the fantasy, I'd suggest firstly taking on board some of the very good advice given on this thread already - then I'd suggest taking a huge step back and thinking about what you are really looking for - are you looking for just the occasional piece of "kink play" in which a partner takes a more dominant role, or something a little more defined and structured?
If the former then it's probably just a case of finding the right partner who is willing to explore those areas with you.
If it's the latter then I'd suggest giving a great deal of thought to what being a submissive would mean to you, and what type of submissive you think you'd be, as well as forming an idea of what elements of submission might appeal to you, and most importantly the type of Dom/me you think you might be looking for. To help with this the books Screw The Roses Bring Me The Thorns and SM101 are both recommended reading, and you could do a lot worse than complete a few on-line BDSM questionnaires. The ones where you rate interest in individual activities on a scale of 1-5 are particularly good as they help you get an idea of the type of submissive you think you might be.
BDSM is a very broad spectrum, with various categories and sub-categories, so it would be almost impossible to answer the original post with a single answer as a lot will depend not only on what you want, but what a dominant wants also.
While it's true there is no "right" way to BDSM other than your way, the BDSM porn and 50 Shades way usually bears no resemblance to how most practice it - which is why it is key to be able to understand your own interests and communicate them to any potential dominants you may approach beyond it being a "fantasy" - any worth their salt will want to know about you, your interests and understanding, and being sure they align with their own, before they even consider meeting/playing with you.
Perhaps finding someone at the "kink play" end of the spectrum may be a better way to go  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I agree. I've messaged a few dominant women, as my biggest fantasy is to serve, and do as I'm told. once limits have been discussed, it's about what the domme wants, not the sub x"
For some maybe, it depends on the agreed dynamic - for me it's an equal playing field where a Dom/me is just the other side of the coin from me, yes once limits and boundaries have been agreed they may call the shots to an extent, but as a submissive I have the equal ability to call the shots by taking away their control when I want to if things go too far, or boundaries are pushed beyond my comfort zone. It's very much a mutual thing not a one sided thing for me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If you're looking for someone to take the lead sexually then you aren't looking for a Domme. Just someone who is sexually confident. There's a difference. Maybe read up a bit more about bdsm and learn more about it.
Most Dominant women won't have sex with a submissive male. I say most as there are obviously exceptions to the rule.  good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The problem on here is that a lot of the men who claim to be submissive are actually far too submissive for me. I don't want a slave or someone who has no ability to actually turn me on.
I also don't make a big thing of this preference because I'm stay on the sensual side of domination.
I adore control and the reactions of a man as he submits to me, but I still expect and need mutual attraction. Mental and physical stimulation. And nor do I want to spend the entire time in this dynamic.
As someone else said, often men see it as a way to get what they want, a tick box experience. I'm not that.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"The problem on here is that a lot of the men who claim to be submissive are actually far too submissive for me. I don't want a slave or someone who has no ability to actually turn me on.
I also don't make a big thing of this preference because I'm stay on the sensual side of domination.
I adore control and the reactions of a man as he submits to me, but I still expect and need mutual attraction. Mental and physical stimulation. And nor do I want to spend the entire time in this dynamic.
As someone else said, often men see it as a way to get what they want, a tick box experience. I'm not that.
"
All valid points and of course the other one being that a lady indicates she is a Domme...cue flood of messages begging her interest and describing in detail what she is doing to do to them!!
I've said before that a Dom/me doesn't necessarily find a sub, and a sub doesn't find a Dom/me, more it happens organically and naturally through mutual attraction and conversation and they find each other |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem on here is that a lot of the men who claim to be submissive are actually far too submissive for me. I don't want a slave or someone who has no ability to actually turn me on.
I also don't make a big thing of this preference because I'm stay on the sensual side of domination.
I adore control and the reactions of a man as he submits to me, but I still expect and need mutual attraction. Mental and physical stimulation. And nor do I want to spend the entire time in this dynamic.
As someone else said, often men see it as a way to get what they want, a tick box experience. I'm not that.
All valid points and of course the other one being that a lady indicates she is a Domme...cue flood of messages begging her interest and describing in detail what she is doing to do to them!!
I've said before that a Dom/me doesn't necessarily find a sub, and a sub doesn't find a Dom/me, more it happens organically and naturally through mutual attraction and conversation and they find each other "
That's exactly it. Trust and compliance is a beautufil gift. Sometimes it takes time, sometimes the chemistry is so electric it just becomes you. It's not always planned. Infact sometimes it's best when it completely blows your mind as it evolves all on its own |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I would say its the loss of control which is the big turn on for me, just to be used at their pleasure, I'm not certain whether I'd want it to become a lifestyle choice or just sexyal(by that I dont mean penetrative sex) but certain aspects such as edging and cum control are what makes me so interested |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ne4meMan
over a year ago
London |
I was lucky to have been with someone a few years ago who was a switch and I found that incredible exciting to submit and let my dominant partner decide and play out whatever she wanted. So intense were those experiences where I was completely sub and used for her complete pleasure.
Looking forward to meeting a partner who is either switch or go the whole way and be a complete sub to a Mistress Domme, or better a couple of femdom’s that allow me to be their toy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hey, I’m just wondering what the dommes on here look for in a sub, it’s something I really want to try but never had the opportunity. "
My partner does femdom films. Trust me it not an area you want to get into if done in reality. Severe is severe as a true Domme enjoys watching a male suffer badly.
Play fun fem Dom might be fine but true ones don’t even use safe words. But good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Hey, I’m just wondering what the dommes on here look for in a sub, it’s something I really want to try but never had the opportunity.
My partner does femdom films. Trust me it not an area you want to get into if done in reality. Severe is severe as a true Domme enjoys watching a male suffer badly.
Play fun fem Dom might be fine but true ones don’t even use safe words. But good luck. "
That isn't femdom, that's just cruelty pal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"She begs to differ. Femdom takes all forms and levels"
It does - which kind of makes a mockery of your earlier "true ones don’t even use safe words" comment - so long as it's SSC and comes from a position of knowledge, there is no such thing as "true" when it comes to BDSM - it's what individuals define it as themselves |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"She begs to differ. Femdom takes all forms and levels
It does - which kind of makes a mockery of your earlier "true ones don’t even use safe words" comment - so long as it's SSC and comes from a position of knowledge, there is no such thing as "true" when it comes to BDSM - it's what individuals define it as themselves "
His comment wasnt worded very well |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Mrs hippy is femdom with me but not interested in participating with any other sub men ,she has tried but just didn't float her boat.
 "
Completely get that , we as a couple are the same |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I wonder how many femdom couples are of the same mindset.
Just as single men struggle to find femdom lady's to play with so do we.
"
Hard to put a figure on it as such , however its something we have chatted to with other Femdom couples and the emphasis here on couples not play partners .. We as a couple are quite possessive of each other ( not jealous ) Her especially so over me ..If any one else hurt me , she would go ballistic , i am hers to hurt no one elses ... What would another Dominant female do within our Dynamic ?
So yes they probably are hard to find . I wouldnt expect Miss Ruth Dean to say " oh im of to play with this couple and leaving you behind " i am a much needed acessorie . Shoes Handbag , bitch on a leash , sorted lets go .. where would interplay start and stop .. As stated the Domme of your relationship does not need or wants any further subs .. Why would any on else, s .. So yes very difficult .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Treats me like a princess, a real gentleman who loves to please but hates submitting totally in the bedroom  "
That does sound interesting, I haven't thought about the idea of losing control that way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I find that every guy looking for a domme these days actually just wants a woman to peg them
and when they fail they look for guys or TV/TS to bum them 
I get asked to bum guys on a regular basis |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"a real sub never demands "
*Your* version of a "real sub" may not - just as *my* version of a "real Dom/me" won't - someone else's version of either side of the dynamic may be something else completely - the key is finding those on the opposite side of the coin you are compatible with, just the same as any other relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The problem on here is that a lot of the men who claim to be submissive are actually far too submissive for me. I don't want a slave or someone who has no ability to actually turn me on.
I also don't make a big thing of this preference because I'm stay on the sensual side of domination.
I adore control and the reactions of a man as he submits to me, but I still expect and need mutual attraction. Mental and physical stimulation. And nor do I want to spend the entire time in this dynamic.
As someone else said, often men see it as a way to get what they want, a tick box experience. I'm not that.
All valid points and of course the other one being that a lady indicates she is a Domme...cue flood of messages begging her interest and describing in detail what she is doing to do to them!!
I've said before that a Dom/me doesn't necessarily find a sub, and a sub doesn't find a Dom/me, more it happens organically and naturally through mutual attraction and conversation and they find each other "
This I can relate too! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
then op needs to discuss with who ever he meets what sexual relationship they both want. sounds like its far too complicated to discuss on a forum. I know what I expect from a lover and if he isn't making me happy with what makes him happy in bed then we incompatible regardless of the label you want to put on eachother |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
