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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So i've been struggling with vulvodynia for the last year or so now - its chronic vulval pain which make actual penis in vagina intercourse difficult. I can still have PIV sex when I am not flaring, and if it is done gently and carefully - as you can imagine this is not great for swinging or for us generally but thats another topic. As a couple we compensate by being creative and I can still have as many orgasms as I like and anal sex whenever which thankfully we both enjoy . It has effected me badly emotionally as there is no known cure and sometimes women have it for years. I think we basically kinda broke my vagina by having lots and lots of long lasting rough sex for 4 years - it came on gradually with me thinking it was repeated thrush but then one day the symptoms just never went away - had I known vulvodynia was a 'thing' I would have cut back on the sex and been a lot more careful listening to what my body was saying but unfortunately the damage is now done.
Anyway I have 2 questions - it has really knocked my confidence swinging (and generally as a very sexual woman) as I feel I am defective as I cant offer PIV sex and obviously it is vastly less pleasurable for me as the main point of swinging for me is the extra cocks actaully in my pussy giving me lots of lovely pleasure - I basically come and squirt continuously with cocks fucking me in the right way in the pussy...but now this option is gone at least for now - tragedy!!!!! SO....How would you feel about swinging with me us a couple with me being slightly defective?
And second question - has anyone experienced this horrible condition or anything like it and still managed to enjoy the swinging scene? How did you cope/cure it etc?
Thanks for listening xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I tried this it didnt work :0( Next stop is trying gabapentin but delaying that till beginning of October for various reasons - bit of a scarey drug but you know desperate times call for desperate measures!
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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago
Stafford |
I have something similar to this almost identical and vaginismus too. I let people I'm wanting to playing with know that penetration isn't always going to happen. They either stick around or they don't. But sadly there is no cure for this. I'm on amitriptyline currently for something else and this certainly doesnt help.
I was told to use dialators and just build up but they don't work either. I have good and bad days. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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PiercedxQueen - thank you sooooo much for replying! It is so good to know that there is someone else out there managing to swing having similar issues - Such a sense of relief as I feel like such a freak in a swinging context! xxx |
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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago
Stafford |
"PiercedxQueen - thank you sooooo much for replying! It is so good to know that there is someone else out there managing to swing having similar issues - Such a sense of relief as I feel like such a freak in a swinging context! xxx"
Ive had people call me out because of it. Tell me there's no point in swinging. But they can literally go fuck themselves with a rusty chainsaw.
What I do with my body isn't for anyone else to decide but me. And mines on the more extreme side of things. Some days I can't fuck. Some days I can. But there's more to life than penetration  |
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Hearing what you’ve described, I think my ex was developing this but it wasn’t diagnosed! Either that or she was just telling me she didn’t want sex with me!!! She wasn’t part of the scene but we enjoyed all sorts of different sex, and was rough as well as gentle.
Either way, this wouldn’t put me off at all. There are many different facets to sex, many different ways to get pleasure for both (all) sexes. The majority of the pleasure for me comes from experimenting and having something ‘just between us’ so if we found a way to enjoy ourselves that you or I had never done before with anyone else, that would be amazing.
Keep smiling, confidence isn’t about a medical issue, it’s how you feel and no one can tell you how to feel.
I’m sure you’ll have plenty of support from friends, partners etc but start to believe there’s still a whole world of other possibilities for you and another to enjoy.
It’s not an issue, it’s exciting!
Lots of love xx |
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Vaginismus and suspected vulvodynia here too, medication and dilator treatment didn't help one bit. Penetration of any sort is completely off the table for me always, and the whole area is generally very sensitive to pain and friction. One of the reasons I'm not looking to meet men, the expectation of PIV sex is too high, or the 'not even one finger?!' questionnaire starts. Like being penetrated is everything. Not many folk have been understanding in my life (my wonderful hubby is the exception) and I'm sure plenty of people would say my being here is pointless, but they're not the boss of me or my defunct vagina.  It can really suck, sometimes more than others, but try not to let your limitations stop you from having a nice time with understanding people. 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tried this it didnt work :0( Next stop is trying gabapentin but delaying that till beginning of October for various reasons - bit of a scarey drug but you know desperate times call for desperate measures!
"
I take Gabapentin for other reasons, a fairly high dose too. I get NO side effects at all. I know other people who also take it and have NO side effects.
It works great for me. |
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"I take Gabapentin for other reasons, a fairly high dose too. I get NO side effects at all. I know other people who also take it and have NO side effects.
It works great for me."
My partner was prescribed it for vulvodynia and it turned her in to zombie so she came off it. Lidocaine helped with desensitizing enough to enable her arousal to go forward and I think also helped reduce the fear of it accidentally flaring during initial contact.
Physio was useless, just standard pelvic floor strengthening exercises. I can attest to the fact it did not need any toning  in the first place.
She tried using an ems stimulator to the same end but the spasms it caused caused her pain to flare up every time so she stopped.
Tens helped afterwards to mitigate the more widespread discomfort but didn't really help with localised sensitive earlier on.
Getting to see somebody who actually understood the condition helped. Search out the nearest specialist clinic and get referred.
What worked for us?
Osteopathy helped a lot, to release tension in the pelvis and buttocks causing pudendal nerve problems.
Lidocaine application as part of warm up, careful choice of position, doggy ish for us and just being careful how we played.
Truthfully the NHS has limited funds or interest in such problems and you have to push hard to get any help in our experience |
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"Has anyone tried using lidocaine? Had physiotherapy or used a tens machine? "
Lidocaine had a very minimal effect for me, it didn't help. Physio is standard pelvic floor exercises, which also don't help, my muscles are already really strong.
I've considered hyp.notherapy as a last ditch attempt to fix the issue, but it's not covered by the NHS and I can't afford it at around 100 quid a session. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry for the late reply - I went on holiday shortly after posting but thank you all who replied - I feel very much encouraged and supported by your comments and experiences - definately given me a much needed boost in this arena.
I think some of mine is emotionally related too as it flares up when I am stressed and calms down when I am more relaxed though never to the point of cure. I'm seeing a sex therapist at the moment because of it but she is kinda blaming it all on the swinging as I am more reluctant than my partner though still want to do it just not in such an 'advanced' way as him so we are figuring out our boundaries after taking a break. I feel like she is not hearing the nuances in what I am saying eg that I do want to do swinging even though it means I have to figure out a few things emotionally - the vulvodynia did get much better on our break as I wasnt having to confront the relationship issues etc but it doesnt mean I dont want to swing altogether just that I find the pressure I feel stressful as he is always wanting more than I can cope with at the moment. Even though he agrees to my limits etc I know he wants more so it makes me feel bad as I'm naturally a bit of a people pleaser - he is that type of person though - no matter what was going on he would always want more. He doesnt feel he needs help with this aspect of his character - I do, but you cant force anyone to seek help if they don't want it. It could sadly lead to us splitting up in the end, any hint at which my vulvodynia goes through the roof as I am very attached to him and love him very deeply so the idea is so painful and stressful but if he needs constant wild swinging adventures then maybe we will have to part ways.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't have your condition but I do also feel my vagina has become defunct since my surgical menopause. I'm on HRT including Vagifem but it's still not what it used to be. It's genuinely like mourning something so I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're experiencing your issues x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have vaginismus (since childhood) but also I think something else is going on as I'm getting new (different) pains with sex (only been sexually active for 5 years) (Dyspareunia possibly)
I can fully sympathise with the painful sex thing, it's also sometimes impossible for me, even with people I've previously been successful with.
Got an internal exam next week which is already causing me anxiety.
Of course we can still swing, there's many other things that can be done. "Sexual outercourse" can be just as exciting! So no, it wouldn't put me off at all.
Though it does get tiring having to explain/justify why I don't like big fat cocks and asking your meet to be extra gentle and slow.
So I cope as best as I can and try to meet people who come across as being sensitive and are more sensual in their ways.
I hope that you find a way to cope better with it, and that it gets better for you and you enjoy yourself more again. X
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"I have vaginismus (since childhood) but also I think something else is going on as I'm getting new (different) pains with sex (only been sexually active for 5 years) (Dyspareunia possibly)
I can fully sympathise with the painful sex thing, it's also sometimes impossible for me, even with people I've previously been successful with.
Got an internal exam next week which is already causing me anxiety.
Of course we can still swing, there's many other things that can be done. "Sexual outercourse" can be just as exciting! So no, it wouldn't put me off at all.
Though it does get tiring having to explain/justify why I don't like big fat cocks and asking your meet to be extra gentle and slow.
So I cope as best as I can and try to meet people who come across as being sensitive and are more sensual in their ways.
I hope that you find a way to cope better with it, and that it gets better for you and you enjoy yourself more again. X
"
'Sexual outercourse' is my new favourite term for what I'm able to do, thanks!
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