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First time nerves
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So...after 9 months have chatted to someonenon here who is intetested in meeting. As someone who was in a 10yr relationship with the only person theyve slept with, and that relationship having ended after a dry spell of nearly a year, nerves are kicking in.
What is the best way to get through that? No pressure social first would be nice but ive kind of talked myself up as a confident type (i normally am) but reality is this is mew territory... |
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"So...after 9 months have chatted to someonenon here who is intetested in meeting. As someone who was in a 10yr relationship with the only person theyve slept with, and that relationship having ended after a dry spell of nearly a year, nerves are kicking in.
What is the best way to get through that? No pressure social first would be nice but ive kind of talked myself up as a confident type (i normally am) but reality is this is mew territory..."
Just try & relax & be yourself..have no expectations..most of all have fun. Good luck.  |
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Have you bigged yourself up to be something you're not or have you got to know this person well over the last 9 months? Maybe time to be honest about the fact you are nervous. If shes expecting a confident guy and thats not how you are in person you are setting yourself up to fail. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't pussy foot around.. Just go for it... Especially meeting a couple, they'll want you to do one soon as your finished anyway. "
Not always, sometimes a naked natter after is great. If there's a connection then that can easily happen!
J x |
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"Have you bigged yourself up to be something you're not or have you got to know this person well over the last 9 months? Maybe time to be honest about the fact you are nervous. If shes expecting a confident guy and thats not how you are in person you are setting yourself up to fail. "
Na not bigged myself up in that way i guess. Im quite a confident guy and didnt expect to have performance anxiety. Sex in a relationship exclusively means ive not had anything casual and i havent dated so i nthink its a combimation of things... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know what I tell myself before a social/meet
"It's okay to suck"
This is new territory for you. There's a very real chance your social could be a complete disaster. You could say all the wrong things at all the wrong times
Rather than tell yourself it will be okay. Acknowledge the truth that it could be a horrible experience
Full acceptance of this is the key. Importantly, give yourself permission to totally suck
Ironically, this will help relax you when the time comes, and greatly increase the chances of your social going well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone has nerves when they’re meeting someone for a social that could lead to sex. There’s usually not as much when it’s merely a possibility, we tell ourselves on sites such as this it’s a definite, which it’s not; this leads to nerves.
Focus merely on the social aspect, when/if it comes to sex, I’m sure you’ll have calmed by then that no problems shall arise.
Good luck  |
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"You know what I tell myself before a social/meet
"It's okay to suck"
This is new territory for you. There's a very real chance your social could be a complete disaster. You could say all the wrong things at all the wrong times
Rather than tell yourself it will be okay. Acknowledge the truth that it could be a horrible experience
Full acceptance of this is the key. Importantly, give yourself permission to totally suck
Ironically, this will help relax you when the time comes, and greatly increase the chances of your social going well"
Acceptance. Sounds very zen. Sage though |
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"Everyone has nerves when they’re meeting someone for a social that could lead to sex. There’s usually not as much when it’s merely a possibility, we tell ourselves on sites such as this it’s a definite, which it’s not; this leads to nerves.
Focus merely on the social aspect, when/if it comes to sex, I’m sure you’ll have calmed by then that no problems shall arise.
Good luck "
Thanks. Good words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know what I tell myself before a social/meet
"It's okay to suck"
This is new territory for you. There's a very real chance your social could be a complete disaster. You could say all the wrong things at all the wrong times
Rather than tell yourself it will be okay. Acknowledge the truth that it could be a horrible experience
Full acceptance of this is the key. Importantly, give yourself permission to totally suck
Ironically, this will help relax you when the time comes, and greatly increase the chances of your social going well
Acceptance. Sounds very zen. Sage though"
Anything anxiety related, acceptance is usually the key |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
Even after a few years of meets, I still get nervous at any new meet, that is, somewhere I've not been to before.
Being nervous is par for the course!
I tend to find though that a friendly chat on arrival first can settle me. It usually settles the other person(s) too and makes for a pleasant time. |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
"So...after 9 months have chatted to someonenon here who is intetested in meeting. As someone who was in a 10yr relationship with the only person theyve slept with, and that relationship having ended after a dry spell of nearly a year, nerves are kicking in.
What is the best way to get through that? No pressure social first would be nice but ive kind of talked myself up as a confident type (i normally am) but reality is this is mew territory..."
9 months wow long time hope your not disappointed when you finally meet just be yourself  |
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Oh god. Enjoy that feeling because it’s soooo exciting! I get nervous and super excited like crazy....
I find having no expectations is a good start...and that way hopefully you will be blown away with what’s about to happen....
Good luck x
 |
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Thanks all. Very practical and genuine advice and no abuse (unlike some other posts ive made in the past!)
I did mean ive been on the site 9 months rather ths chatting to this person. Weve been messaging for a week! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So...after 9 months have chatted to someonenon here who is intetested in meeting. As someone who was in a 10yr relationship with the only person theyve slept with, and that relationship having ended after a dry spell of nearly a year, nerves are kicking in.
What is the best way to get through that? No pressure social first would be nice but ive kind of talked myself up as a confident type (i normally am) but reality is this is mew territory..."
meeting a woman from here is just the same as anywhere, this is a website you haven't changed overnight just because you are here and neither has the woman you're talking to, nothing has changed trust me, just go and me have coffee or lunch and enjoy yourself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So...after 9 months have chatted to someonenon here who is intetested in meeting. As someone who was in a 10yr relationship with the only person theyve slept with, and that relationship having ended after a dry spell of nearly a year, nerves are kicking in.
What is the best way to get through that? No pressure social first would be nice but ive kind of talked myself up as a confident type (i normally am) but reality is this is mew territory...meeting a woman from here is just the same as anywhere, this is a website you haven't changed overnight just because you are here and neither has the woman you're talking to, nothing has changed trust me, just go and me have coffee or lunch and enjoy yourself "
meet not me they really should have an edit facility built into the delete the message timeframe |
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My advice coming from a woman who only had sex with her husband for the last 30 years, would be...... don't expect anything. Just relax, be yourself. Personally, I would let the person know that you are nervous. It's best to be honest. I'm sure you'll both be feeling the same way.
I hope it goes well xx |
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"How did it go?"
In theory its thursday....but she has gone a bit quiet. I called after i missed her call to me and she said she was washing her hair and would call me back... next day exchanged a msg or two but she didnt call and not heard since... |
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"My advice coming from a woman who only had sex with her husband for the last 30 years, would be...... don't expect anything. Just relax, be yourself. Personally, I would let the person know that you are nervous. It's best to be honest. I'm sure you'll both be feeling the same way.
I hope it goes well xx"
thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’d say they already like you, the spark can be felt even online in my opinion. Try to think of this as your no expectation test. You don’t have to do anything, it can be just a drink or whatever. casual means you can go your separate ways or have a laugh that you’re not that compatible. No expectations I guess.
I hope you have a great time!
They’ve talked to you for a week and want to meet, that’s a big deal in itself really considering all the choice here amongst men! |
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"I’d say they already like you, the spark can be felt even online in my opinion. Try to think of this as your no expectation test. You don’t have to do anything, it can be just a drink or whatever. casual means you can go your separate ways or have a laugh that you’re not that compatible. No expectations I guess.
I hope you have a great time!
They’ve talked to you for a week and want to meet, that’s a big deal in itself really considering all the choice here amongst men! "
Thanks. We both tries calling each other too and spoke for aboutn10 seconds and she said she would call me back in 5 mins. That was 2 days ago. I sent a msg yest and got a one word type reply but dont wanna be chasing if shes lost interest... |
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I’d just send ‘12 at Wetherspoons any good for thurs?’ if no reply just give it up as a bad job. That’s straightforward and to the point.
Sorry you’ve been victim to a classic time waster. Not all fabbers are like that. Promise xx |
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"I’d just send ‘12 at Wetherspoons any good for thurs?’ if no reply just give it up as a bad job. That’s straightforward and to the point.
Sorry you’ve been victim to a classic time waster. Not all fabbers are like that. Promise xx"
Well...we agreed the location and a rough time. Will send msg tomorrow saying "is 3 ok for this afternoon?" And see how it goes.
Ive heard about people pulljng out but always imagined it would be couples and blokes rather than single women! I guess we'll see. She seems fun x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think just be yourself as others have said OP.
Quite often the person you're meeting will be nervous too, it's quite natural. You both want to have a good time so no need to force things.
And if nothing happens then no loss, you'll have had a nice social with someone!
The first meet is probably the most nervy as it's new territory. Once you've experienced it then you're off!
Good luck! |
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"I think just be yourself as others have said OP.
Quite often the person you're meeting will be nervous too, it's quite natural. You both want to have a good time so no need to force things.
And if nothing happens then no loss, you'll have had a nice social with someone!
The first meet is probably the most nervy as it's new territory. Once you've experienced it then you're off!
Good luck! "
Thanks.  |
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Update - msgd her today but only one word responses. Seems enthusiastic but non commital, despite having had a new veri since last week regarding a meet this week. Get the impression they are more an impulsive "meet now" type person or not actually all that interested... |
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"Update - msgd her today but only one word responses. Seems enthusiastic but non commital, despite having had a new veri since last week regarding a meet this week. Get the impression they are more an impulsive "meet now" type person or not actually all that interested..."
Simple. Give her a miss. You want someone that wants you.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update - msgd her today but only one word responses. Seems enthusiastic but non commital, despite having had a new veri since last week regarding a meet this week. Get the impression they are more an impulsive "meet now" type person or not actually all that interested..."
She had another meet, well that says it all I'm afraid she's gone now, one word replies mean no interest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update - msgd her today but only one word responses. Seems enthusiastic but non commital, despite having had a new veri since last week regarding a meet this week. Get the impression they are more an impulsive "meet now" type person or not actually all that interested...
Simple. Give her a miss. You want someone that wants you.. "
Unfortunately it's a lot harder for a guy to let go like that. It could be another 12 months before he gets a woman to talk to him for a week.
Two things spring to mind OP.
How do you know she doesnt browse/read the forum and after seeing your post is put off?
More importantly do you think being nervous has changed your tone or frequency of your messages?
If you were confident, chatty, naughty and sending a few messages a day before then suddenly all this talk stopped with the odd message every few days asking when/where to meet, this can come across as a lack of interest on your part, or worse she has become a second thought to you as a backup to get your end off. I can tell you personally when it goes this way especially after moving to a messenger/text it is really off putting.
Try just chatting with her again like you did before. Forget the meet, just have fun with the chat and flirting. You could find she becomes interested again
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update - msgd her today but only one word responses. Seems enthusiastic but non commital, despite having had a new veri since last week regarding a meet this week. Get the impression they are more an impulsive "meet now" type person or not actually all that interested...
Simple. Give her a miss. You want someone that wants you..
Unfortunately it's a lot harder for a guy to let go like that. It could be another 12 months before he gets a woman to talk to him for a week.
Two things spring to mind OP.
How do you know she doesnt browse/read the forum and after seeing your post is put off?
More importantly do you think being nervous has changed your tone or frequency of your messages?
If you were confident, chatty, naughty and sending a few messages a day before then suddenly all this talk stopped with the odd message every few days asking when/where to meet, this can come across as a lack of interest on your part, or worse she has become a second thought to you as a backup to get your end off. I can tell you personally when it goes this way especially after moving to a messenger/text it is really off putting.
Try just chatting with her again like you did before. Forget the meet, just have fun with the chat and flirting. You could find she becomes interested again
"
what foresight you have and yes I agree, he can be her next meet veri |
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"Update - msgd her today but only one word responses. Seems enthusiastic but non commital, despite having had a new veri since last week regarding a meet this week. Get the impression they are more an impulsive "meet now" type person or not actually all that interested...
Simple. Give her a miss. You want someone that wants you..
Unfortunately it's a lot harder for a guy to let go like that. It could be another 12 months before he gets a woman to talk to him for a week.
Two things spring to mind OP.
How do you know she doesnt browse/read the forum and after seeing your post is put off?
More importantly do you think being nervous has changed your tone or frequency of your messages?
If you were confident, chatty, naughty and sending a few messages a day before then suddenly all this talk stopped with the odd message every few days asking when/where to meet, this can come across as a lack of interest on your part, or worse she has become a second thought to you as a backup to get your end off. I can tell you personally when it goes this way especially after moving to a messenger/text it is really off putting.
Try just chatting with her again like you did before. Forget the meet, just have fun with the chat and flirting. You could find she becomes interested again
"
It is quite possibly the case. Women get messaged a lot, it's easy to feel like people have become disinterested when others end up chatting more than another.
Definitely try chat more encourage more conversation. If she said she was doing her hair follow that up a bit later with asking her what style did she go for.
If she doesn't engage then sadly she's lost interest. But don't give up. Chatting and getting to know someone and making them feel you're interested in them is important. You'll get there |
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I feel if you try ‘chatting to her more’ as suggested above when she’s not interested it’ll only make matters worse.
Tbf all this ‘she was probably nervous like you’ is making me cringe a bit. She was rude and dropped you at the last minute. Classic fab time-waster. I wouldn’t give her another chance but that’s just me. I’ve met a hundred in my time on here.
Top fab rule - don’t believe it til it’s happening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel if you try ‘chatting to her more’ as suggested above when she’s not interested it’ll only make matters worse.
Tbf all this ‘she was probably nervous like you’ is making me cringe a bit. She was rude and dropped you at the last minute. Classic fab time-waster. I wouldn’t give her another chance but that’s just me. I’ve met a hundred in my time on here.
Top fab rule - don’t believe it til it’s happening. "
Exactly this. I always meet with no expectations and just be myself. Just go with the flow and see how it goes .. Don't let the nerves get the better of you. Have fun |
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By *lex D.Man
over a year ago
London |
"Hope the person turns up after all this build up for you or that’s really gonna knock him for six. "
Interesting. Had a last min cancellation myself this week together with a block. Bizarre indeed. This came after a few days of some intensive chatting and erotic messaging. Couple also had verifications!
It would've been my first meet-up since embracing the lifestyle so I'm running with idea that untold moments can occur here. No time wasted by me at moment as Im relatively a newbie.
Awesome advice above by all posters btw. |
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"I feel if you try ‘chatting to her more’ as suggested above when she’s not interested it’ll only make matters worse.
Tbf all this ‘she was probably nervous like you’ is making me cringe a bit. She was rude and dropped you at the last minute. Classic fab time-waster. I wouldn’t give her another chance but that’s just me. I’ve met a hundred in my time on here.
Top fab rule - don’t believe it til it’s happening. "
Good rule! |
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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago
In a sleepy little village |
"Hope the person turns up after all this build up for you or that’s really gonna knock him for six.
Interesting. Had a last min cancellation myself this week together with a block. Bizarre indeed. This came after a few days of some intensive chatting and erotic messaging. Couple also had verifications!
It would've been my first meet-up since embracing the lifestyle so I'm running with idea that untold moments can occur here. No time wasted by me at moment as Im relatively a newbie.
Awesome advice above by all posters btw. "
Erotic messaging = someone who's wanking over the conversation with little or no intention of meeting imo |
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By *lex D.Man
over a year ago
London |
"Hope the person turns up after all this build up for you or that’s really gonna knock him for six.
Interesting. Had a last min cancellation myself this week together with a block. Bizarre indeed. This came after a few days of some intensive chatting and erotic messaging. Couple also had verifications!
It would've been my first meet-up since embracing the lifestyle so I'm running with idea that untold moments can occur here. No time wasted by me at moment as Im relatively a newbie.
Awesome advice above by all posters btw.
Erotic messaging = someone who's wanking over the conversation with little or no intention of meeting imo "
Perhaps. The block perplexes me more.
x |
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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago
In a sleepy little village |
"Hope the person turns up after all this build up for you or that’s really gonna knock him for six.
Interesting. Had a last min cancellation myself this week together with a block. Bizarre indeed. This came after a few days of some intensive chatting and erotic messaging. Couple also had verifications!
It would've been my first meet-up since embracing the lifestyle so I'm running with idea that untold moments can occur here. No time wasted by me at moment as Im relatively a newbie.
Awesome advice above by all posters btw.
Erotic messaging = someone who's wanking over the conversation with little or no intention of meeting imo
Perhaps. The block perplexes me more.
x"
I wouldn't let it bother you. People tend to block to end all communication. It's the easiest way but perhaps not nicest for the person who is left wondering. Forget and move on |
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By *lex D.Man
over a year ago
London |
"Hope the person turns up after all this build up for you or that’s really gonna knock him for six.
Interesting. Had a last min cancellation myself this week together with a block. Bizarre indeed. This came after a few days of some intensive chatting and erotic messaging. Couple also had verifications!
It would've been my first meet-up since embracing the lifestyle so I'm running with idea that untold moments can occur here. No time wasted by me at moment as Im relatively a newbie.
Awesome advice above by all posters btw.
Erotic messaging = someone who's wanking over the conversation with little or no intention of meeting imo "
Perhaps. It was indeed mostly one way yet good for my filthy mind. The block perplexes me more.
x |
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"So...after 9 months have chatted to someonenon here who is intetested in meeting. As someone who was in a 10yr relationship with the only person theyve slept with, and that relationship having ended after a dry spell of nearly a year, nerves are kicking in.
What is the best way to get through that? No pressure social first would be nice but ive kind of talked myself up as a confident type (i normally am) but reality is this is mew territory..."
Stop stressing, otherwise you will end up changing your mind. Try and be excited, and don’t forget it’s about pleasing your partner too, not just fulfilling your needs.
Have fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you’ve met them through this site, as your original post suggests (I confess, I haven’t read through all of this thread) then they have probably seen this Forum Post.
Chat to them about your concerns - I’m sure they will be happy to discuss ways to help you relax. |
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"If you’ve met them through this site, as your original post suggests (I confess, I haven’t read through all of this thread) then they have probably seen this Forum Post.
Chat to them about your concerns - I’m sure they will be happy to discuss ways to help you relax."
Its def possible and if they have they have i guess.
Its now back on anyway....time and place agreed so we will see. Trykng to think of it as no pressure purely social meet and see how it goes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you’ve met them through this site, as your original post suggests (I confess, I haven’t read through all of this thread) then they have probably seen this Forum Post.
Chat to them about your concerns - I’m sure they will be happy to discuss ways to help you relax.
Its def possible and if they have they have i guess.
Its now back on anyway....time and place agreed so we will see. Trykng to think of it as no pressure purely social meet and see how it goes."
fingers crossed for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Golden rule: Take a shit before you go.
Also drink a bunch of water a few days before your meet and eat healthier. Helps flush the system and makes you feel a little better. Every little helps. |
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