FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > out bi guys
out bi guys
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"read that wrong to start with, so you're oppo of me in that they think you are gay but you're bi whereas my lot think i'm hetro rather than bi. " People just don’t want to understand that bisexuality is a whole spectrum. Like you for example—I am assuming here— are probably primarily veering towards women, whereas I veer more towards men but I don’t find women off-putting or anything like that. People also refuse to understand that being bisexual does not necessarily mean being romantically attached to both sexes. They start giving all the usual childish nonsense and I just do this “  ”
And I work in a theatre of all places. I can’t imagine how narrow minded other workplaces would be.
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"Seems like virtue signalling by your company. A person's sexuality should have no impact on their occupation Obviously,there should be no discrimination either."  | |||
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"and in that group do they know you are bi? or just that you are an ally? they are starting that at work too and don't know whether to join or not. " Our company also has non judgemental policies everything from lgbt to disabilities amd racism. I do know some colleagues on there from my own office and i know they are gay or bi. But i see your point and agree some may just be supporting company policies. But the groups are diverse and not everyone joins the photography group or the music ones. | |||
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"I'm never coming out as bi, I would rather pass for straight and not have to deal with shite. " At least your honest on your profile... I find so many ‘straight’ men are not and that to me is sad for a lot of reasons ... my tuppence worth! | |||
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"as a scotsman i'll take a tuppence! thank you"  | |||
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"Previous posts make good points about the experience of being bi and single. Being bi and in a relationship raises a whole new set of issues - because saying you're actively bi is effectively saying you're a swinger. And whilst lots of companies have good policies about inclusiveness for LGBT etc, I've never heard of anyone rejecting discrimination against swingers. In fact many companies might see us as a bl@ckmail risk. Are we the last oppressed sexual minority? (Ridiculously fab won't even let me use the word black-mail without a hyphen - which rather underlines my point!)" how is saying your actively bi in any way saying that you're a swinger? That is just completely implying that bi people cant be in a normal monogamous relationship | |||
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"I'm an out bi guy and to be honest receive most comments like I'm confused or half way to being gay, mostly from gay people. However I do regret coming out as bi as I feel like I've put myself in a box away from "straight" people. I don't intend to ever do LGBTQ things as to me those things are becoming too separate from society. One big plus is I came out as bi and have met a girl who is okay with it and understands I'm not going to ride anyone that moves. Who knows maybe my feelings of a regret will change with time. I'm a bisexual guy with a preference for women, but I felt I had to be open and honest that well I have an attraction to men also. " i too have a partner. been together 20 years she knows im bi. she is allso bi. we can both play as long as we are safe and tell each other and honest with each other. im openly bi everyone knows friends family bi and proud. | |||
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"Been bi all my life yet only started telling close friends last 2years...not 1 was bothered. " Better late than never mate, well done | |||
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"Bi people properly get more stick as most gays think there too scared to be fully gay and some straights think your fully gay but trying to be straight . So you cannot win , why do you feel the need to tell work colleges about your sexuality , I've been out since the age of 19 my new job I didn't tell anyone and it's brilliant I get included in men talk etc I get to share the men's toilets , before straight men would walk out if I was having a piss , you don't get the " jokes " and homophobic comments , work life is a lot easier " I disagree with you on ‘most gays’. A lot of gay men are fine with bisexuals, in fact gay men get it worse off bi men, you only have to read on here how they are excluded specifically on a bi man’s profile. Bi men also seem to use gay men for sex and do not give them much thought for dating. I have been around gay and bi men 23 years, just my observations plus discussions with others over years | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? " "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. " Both apply - different people, different approaches | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. Both apply - different people, different approaches " I don't get what you mean; while I am extremely good with people's secrets, I would always encourage somebody to say they are bisexual, if they wanted to say it; I would never push them to do it, let alone force them to do it. | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. Both apply - different people, different approaches I don't get what you mean; while I am extremely good with people's secrets, I would always encourage somebody to say they are bisexual, if they wanted to say it; I would never push them to do it, let alone force them to do it. " What I mean is that some people WOULD force another to come out, or better still, do it for them That is imposition Your approach is encouragement I don't think anyone is entitled to do either, no matter how good their intention If you're asked for an opinion, give yours, if you aren't, don't It should be down to the individual to choose their own path, no one else Hence why I think it's OK to not reveal your sexual identity if you so choose | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. Both apply - different people, different approaches I don't get what you mean; while I am extremely good with people's secrets, I would always encourage somebody to say they are bisexual, if they wanted to say it; I would never push them to do it, let alone force them to do it. What I mean is that some people WOULD force another to come out, or better still, do it for them That is imposition Your approach is encouragement I don't think anyone is entitled to do either, no matter how good their intention If you're asked for an opinion, give yours, if you aren't, don't It should be down to the individual to choose their own path, no one else Hence why I think it's OK to not reveal your sexual identity if you so choose" I should perhaps clarify that I'm talking about 'singles' here If you are in a relationship, you should be honest with your partner if no one else ... it doesn't matter if you're knee deep in fanny or up to your eyes in cock, cheating is cheating Still, it's not my story to tell | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. Both apply - different people, different approaches I don't get what you mean; while I am extremely good with people's secrets, I would always encourage somebody to say they are bisexual, if they wanted to say it; I would never push them to do it, let alone force them to do it. What I mean is that some people WOULD force another to come out, or better still, do it for them That is imposition Your approach is encouragement I don't think anyone is entitled to do either, no matter how good their intention If you're asked for an opinion, give yours, if you aren't, don't It should be down to the individual to choose their own path, no one else Hence why I think it's OK to not reveal your sexual identity if you so choose I should perhaps clarify that I'm talking about 'singles' here If you are in a relationship, you should be honest with your partner if no one else ... it doesn't matter if you're knee deep in fanny or up to your eyes in cock, cheating is cheating Still, it's not my story to tell "  I thought that being honest in a relationship about your bisexuality might actually cost you that relationship..... | |||
"It's OK not to tell people too I detest the imposed pressure to 'come out' and 'not live a lie' It is usually imposed by people who either: a) have zero idea what it feels like to have dual sexuality, or b) have had successful self experience in coming out It doesn't go well for everyone It can devastate marriages, families, friendships and working relationships, it isn't always a liberating experience Moreover, it will be used to define you as a person No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out', nor do they have the right to do it for you Who I shag is just such a small % of 'me' that pretty much, it isn't a daily consideration, yet others will choose that as my defining characteristic --- That might sound like an odd statement for a guy with a face pic, who has 'bisexual' on his profile I don't hide behind my sexuality, but I don't shy away from it either There are, however, people who don't need to know and will never need to know Why should I put them through my 'ta-da' moment when that part of my life will never affect them in the slightest? "No one has the right to encourage you to 'come out'," ??? Encouraging is vastly different from imposing. Both apply - different people, different approaches I don't get what you mean; while I am extremely good with people's secrets, I would always encourage somebody to say they are bisexual, if they wanted to say it; I would never push them to do it, let alone force them to do it. What I mean is that some people WOULD force another to come out, or better still, do it for them That is imposition Your approach is encouragement I don't think anyone is entitled to do either, no matter how good their intention If you're asked for an opinion, give yours, if you aren't, don't It should be down to the individual to choose their own path, no one else Hence why I think it's OK to not reveal your sexual identity if you so choose I should perhaps clarify that I'm talking about 'singles' here If you are in a relationship, you should be honest with your partner if no one else ... it doesn't matter if you're knee deep in fanny or up to your eyes in cock, cheating is cheating Still, it's not my story to tell I thought that being honest in a relationship about your bisexuality might actually cost you that relationship....."Exactly I know this one from personal experience I wasn't offered the choice I hadn't sussed out in my head whether this was a long or a short term, so hadn't gotten round to 'the' conversation Thankfully, it was early days and it actually backfired on the person who decided to 'out' me She was actually really cool about it and our relationship did flourish because of it. It was different things that eventually drove us our separate ways 7 years later. Meanwhile it soured their relationship and their friendship didn't last for much longer I would, however, have preferred to tell her myself and she did later confess that she felt she had to look over her shoulder all the time because I hadn't told her first So it DID have an effect | |||
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"Before I met my fella I didnt even realise it was such a scary thing for men. Naively I was blind to just how much criticism they face. The gay community often accuse bi men of just not being ready to accept they are gay. And straight men just see them as gays who are constantly trying to hit on them! Luckily lots of our friend group were accepting of my fellas sexuality when he came out to them and since its turned out the majority of the lads themselves are bisexual or at least curious. There was only one or two friends that seemed to distance which is their loss as we see it. But as a bisexual open couple on the site you notice an awful lot of so called straight men are indeed bisexual from what they message us. I think if more men embraced their sexuality they would be pleasantly surprised by how many others felt the same or even just accepted and supported them ." this
Besides, it's fine and dandy to say that nobody should have to get out of the closet if they are bisexual, but to a certain degree it begs the question: do you think it's ok for the rest of the ignorant society to create that closet in the first place? I would hope the answer is a 'no'. | |||
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"how is saying your actively bi in any way saying that you're a swinger? That is just completely implying that bi people cant be in a normal monogamous relationship " By "actively bi" I mean someone who is currently shagging both men and women. Even if it's just one man and one woman, that's not monogamy. | |||
"I think it also depends (boringly) on age. you're of a generation (and yes I expect to be shot for this) that has heard of bisexuality and embraced pansexuality - growing up I was taught that I was straight or gay no in between" Very true. My personal belief is that sexuality is a spectrum and is fluid. It explains why women who identify as straight would watch lesbian porn. Why people realise they are gay later in life or even straight after identifying as gay for years. Everyone has had at least one gay thought but where someone stands in the spectrum dictates if they simply entertain the thought or ignore it or if they even act on it. I dont believe so much in the labels as bi gay etc. I personally am pansexual as in personality based on my attraction but call myself bisexual to avoid confusion for others. Mrs part of the couple by the way to avoid any confusion. Mr identifies correctly as bisexual as is solely interested in men on a sexual level not emotional. | |||
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"I think as much as this massive drive forward with LGBT is geared to encourage people to come out; still be careful. Such is the power of the drive at the moment, those that are very much anti-LGBT are forced to accept and even say they support it, for fear of being labelled homophobic. Some of these people might be amongst your friends and colleagues. Might have a negative impact. Guess it depends if you’re bothered about what other people think of you. We’d say bollocks to them and go for it. You are what you are and who gives a shit about what anyone else thinks of you? The man in the mirror is what counts. " | |||
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