FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Need help being more dominant
Need help being more dominant
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
As the title says, need some advice on being more dominant with gf in the bedroom.
When she gets in tonight she's asked to be tied to bed and blindfolded and for me to be dominant with her, we have whips and toys. Any advice from people here will be greatly appreciated by both, thanks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago
Middlesbrough |
It may not work with your partner, very much depends on relationship. We have both found sub / dom play and exploration works better for us with others if you find the right person. Everyone is different though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You don't have to beat her to be dominant. Sensory play and delayed pleasure are amazing.
Tie her up and tease her skin until the tiniest touch makes her jump.
After a while just edge the life out of her.
Shes guna hate you but shel thank you after  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You don't have to beat her to be dominant. Sensory play and delayed pleasure are amazing.
Tie her up and tease her skin until the tiniest touch makes her jump.
After a while just edge the life out of her.
Shes guna hate you but shel thank you after "
We’d second that! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As the title says, need some advice on being more dominant with gf in the bedroom.
When she gets in tonight she's asked to be tied to bed and blindfolded and for me to be dominant with her, we have whips and toys. Any advice from people here will be greatly appreciated by both, thanks. "
I'll pop over and show you how it's done ok? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"As the title says, need some advice on being more dominant with gf in the bedroom.
When she gets in tonight she's asked to be tied to bed and blindfolded and for me to be dominant with her, we have whips and toys. Any advice from people here will be greatly appreciated by both, thanks.
I'll pop over and show you how it's done ok?"
Oh..also.. Ignore fake doms like this guy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Think about how you're going to be with her the minute she gets in the door. She's told you that she wants to be tied and blindfolded, the rest is up to you. How about sending her a text at work telling her to let herself in and put the clothes on that you've left waiting on the hall, next to them there will be a blindfold which she must put on. Tell her she must remain silent and wait for you. Only leave her for a minute. Then lead her to the bed and tie her and use your imagination.
Unless you've discussed this together and she's told you exactly what her boundaries are and you yours you're going to be guessing so watch out for any signs that she's not enjoying it or wants more.
I thinl it's unfair of someone to request that you're more dominant without specifying in what way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Turn it into a game for you both.
Grab some dice and get her to role a several numbers.
*Start off how many orgasms she has to have (add two dice together or multiply them - depending on the numbers roles).
*Role a dice for how many different implements you are going to use on her.
*Role some dice again - that’s the number of spanks/lashes she has before you force her to her first orgasm.
..... you get the idea.
The nice thing about this is that she is determining her punishments and her orgasms, you are implementing them. It puts you the position of power and control and gives you a framework to operate within.
This should give you a couple of hours of punishments and orgasms by which time she will need some aftercare and cuddles. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence. "
No.. being a Dom is not about "what you want not her". Just, no. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Your profile says “Have now found my perfect partner in crime”
Ironically it could block you mentally by not wanting to hurt someone you love/care deeply about."
 so true |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You can't suggest scenes for other people the only thing known is she want to be tied and blindfolded and for him to be more dominant. The only person who knows which way she wants it to go after that is her although he might be able to guess.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Turn it into a game for you both.
Grab some dice and get her to role a several numbers.
*Start off how many orgasms she has to have (add two dice together or multiply them - depending on the numbers roles).
*Role a dice for how many different implements you are going to use on her.
*Role some dice again - that’s the number of spanks/lashes she has before you force her to her first orgasm.
..... you get the idea.
The nice thing about this is that she is determining her punishments and her orgasms, you are implementing them. It puts you the position of power and control and gives you a framework to operate within.
This should give you a couple of hours of punishments and orgasms by which time she will need some aftercare and cuddles. "
Also definitely do not do this if you're both new to it. Just.. no. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Apparently using dice to give you a framework to use to structure your play is a bad idea - who knew! I wonder why though?
I read the “being more dominant” bit suggested at least a basic level of consent, boundaries, limits, safe words and open communication before embarking on this journey.
I’ll get back into my box then  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The dice idea is fine. Your suggestions for two (seemingly) first timers aren't, IMO.
Framework is fine. Just don't think your specific suggestions are a good idea for them at this stage.
"
I totally agree for first timers - I read it that there was already a D/s dynamic going on: the request for bondage and blindfold, the whips and toys etc etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The dice idea is fine. Your suggestions for two (seemingly) first timers aren't, IMO.
Framework is fine. Just don't think your specific suggestions are a good idea for them at this stage.
I totally agree for first timers - I read it that there was already a D/s dynamic going on: the request for bondage and blindfold, the whips and toys etc etc."
Yeah, I got the impression that they dabble but aren't really deep into it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence.
No.. being a Dom is not about "what you want not her". Just, no."
This is important it's a two way thing never about what just one person wants. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence.
No.. being a Dom is not about "what you want not her". Just, no.
This is important it's a two way thing never about what just one person wants. "
Get out of here with your logic and sense 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You will already have an agreed framework/map of boundaries/limits, safewords, things she wants to experience and things she doesn’t, things she gets off and things she doesn’t.
You will have a “road map” - a starting point and a destination. You will have agreed speed limits, safety, preferred routes, no go areas and an emergency stop button. Those are all agreed before hand. She is handing you the keys to drive the car and chose the route (within the agreed rules).
Tonight your start is blindfolds and bondage - what you need to do is take charge and take her on the journey, you are in control and driving the car - vary the speed, vary the intensity, give her an even mix of hard and soft.
If you do not have the agreed framework of limits/safe words etc - STOP. Have that conversation before you go any further. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence.
No.. being a Dom is not about "what you want not her". Just, no.
This is important it's a two way thing never about what just one person wants.
Get out of here with your logic and sense
"
Heads for the door |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I agree with a lot of what has been said here.
Set the whole scene if its Dominance she wants it's not about you simply tying her up and sticking a blindfold on, its getting the atmosphere from well... before she even sets foot through the door. Start by texting. Get her ready and in the mindset before she arrives home draw it out. Text me when you get to your car then reply remove your knickers or bra if shes wearing trousers. Anything to thrill and encourage her to be daring and nudging her comfort zone.
When you get home out on what I have provided make that whatever you want my favourite is a pair of heels and that's it
Touch and sensation are a huge aphrodisiac. (Goose bumps let you known you're on the right track).
Use all the sensations, feathers, light scratching, warmth, cold, lips, tongue.
Once you've built her up put an ice cube in your mouth and go down on her, go back to touching and other things, then take sip of a hot drink and go down on her, lightly kiss then switch to a nibble, stroke her nipples then nip them, buy a wand for massive orgasms in this scenario but dont rush the orgasm and when you offer it offer more than one. Constantly changing the sensations so she never knows what's coming next is the key and tailoring to the response.
But the conversation on boundaries and a basic safeword system needs to take place before.
Theres loads of information available read all you can.
You can fake sex play as a Dom you cant fake the reality of being a Dom. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"....is about what you want not her."
Please don't do this.
A Dom Sub relationship is about trust. The Dom is there to forfill the desires of the sub in a safe sane and consensual manner.
Submissive Boundaries are there for a reason. As is a safe word!
Communication with your partner is paramount.
You need to know what she wants from you as a Dominant. Where are the lines drawn.
Rough Anal and calling her a whore may not be want she wants!!.
You will both enjoy it more if you know what levels you can go to...
You can still be spontaneous, just have boundaries and a safe word. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence. "
Disregard this!!! That is not a dom! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence.
Disregard this!!! That is not a dom! "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
One of the most intriguing meets with a dom that I had was he instructed me to be dressed a certain way and wearing a blindfold. You could do this by going out or being in another room. He set the scene requested everything down to the makeup and shoes he required me to wear. I was to wait in the kitchen blindfolded. The wait seemed to be for ages and I didn't hear him but suddenly felt a touch to my skin, breath on my neck, he attached some nipple clamps and all my senses were on high alert. He stocked my shoulders to my wrists and cuffed me. He lowered me to the floor and I felt his cock on my lips.
There doesn't need to be anymore than the basics to be dominated well. Punishments are not always required and it can be about pleasure through dominance |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"One of the most intriguing meets with a dom that I had was he instructed me to be dressed a certain way and wearing a blindfold. You could do this by going out or being in another room. He set the scene requested everything down to the makeup and shoes he required me to wear. I was to wait in the kitchen blindfolded. The wait seemed to be for ages and I didn't hear him but suddenly felt a touch to my skin, breath on my neck, he attached some nipple clamps and all my senses were on high alert. He stocked my shoulders to my wrists and cuffed me. He lowered me to the floor and I felt his cock on my lips.
There doesn't need to be anymore than the basics to be dominated well. Punishments are not always required and it can be about pleasure through dominance "
Absolutely rough handling and physical punishments do not automatically make anyone Dominant. Dominance and submission are a state of mind and pleasure is very persuasive |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As the title says, need some advice on being more dominant with gf in the bedroom.
When she gets in tonight she's asked to be tied to bed and blindfolded and for me to be dominant with her, we have whips and toys. Any advice from people here will be greatly appreciated by both, thanks.
I'll pop over and show you how it's done ok?
Oh..also.. Ignore fake doms like this guy. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"One of the most intriguing meets with a dom that I had was he instructed me to be dressed a certain way and wearing a blindfold. You could do this by going out or being in another room. He set the scene requested everything down to the makeup and shoes he required me to wear. I was to wait in the kitchen blindfolded. The wait seemed to be for ages and I didn't hear him but suddenly felt a touch to my skin, breath on my neck, he attached some nipple clamps and all my senses were on high alert. He stocked my shoulders to my wrists and cuffed me. He lowered me to the floor and I felt his cock on my lips.
There doesn't need to be anymore than the basics to be dominated well. Punishments are not always required and it can be about pleasure through dominance
Absolutely rough handling and physical punishments do not automatically make anyone Dominant. Dominance and submission are a state of mind and pleasure is very persuasive"
That's the thing there was no rough handling at all. The subtle touches, the stroking while attaching the wrist restraints. He's one of the few that got me to submit with ease and no brattiness from me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"One of the most intriguing meets with a dom that I had was he instructed me to be dressed a certain way and wearing a blindfold. You could do this by going out or being in another room. He set the scene requested everything down to the makeup and shoes he required me to wear. I was to wait in the kitchen blindfolded. The wait seemed to be for ages and I didn't hear him but suddenly felt a touch to my skin, breath on my neck, he attached some nipple clamps and all my senses were on high alert. He stocked my shoulders to my wrists and cuffed me. He lowered me to the floor and I felt his cock on my lips.
There doesn't need to be anymore than the basics to be dominated well. Punishments are not always required and it can be about pleasure through dominance
Absolutely rough handling and physical punishments do not automatically make anyone Dominant. Dominance and submission are a state of mind and pleasure is very persuasive
That's the thing there was no rough handling at all. The subtle touches, the stroking while attaching the wrist restraints. He's one of the few that got me to submit with ease and no brattiness from me "
Because he got your mind before he got your body x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Talk first, discuss how she would like you to be more dominant, verbally, physically, mentally, does she want to be tied, restrained, spanked, cuffed etc.. make sure she has a safe word,(one she chooses) when she says it you stop immediately without question.
You don't have to be loud to be dominant, it is more about how you hold yourself and project yourself, what you say and how you say it rather than how loudly you talk.
Then when you end your play hold her, caress her, kiss her and make her feel special.
Her submission is a gift, treat it as such and return it unharmed.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"hate the way most think dom = bdsm rather than just a natural sexual dom who likes to take the lead and be confident "
I always think this too! Never really equated the two! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
To be fair the op has stated that his girlfriend has asked to be tied and blindfolded and mentions whips and toys.
It doesn't really come across that shes looking for him to lead a bit more in the bedroom. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *omvampmMan
over a year ago
gillingham |
"You can't suggest scenes for other people the only thing known is she want to be tied and blindfolded and for him to be more dominant. The only person who knows which way she wants it to go after that is her although he might be able to guess.
"
This advice is very true and outlines what I've found is that commication is key and you both need to be comfortable with situation trust and understand each other. Some doms may question my logic here but this is my approach on this. Being a good dom with a partner you care about is not just about you being more assertive or more dominant it's about you knowing each other being relaxed enuf and confident in knowing that you both trust each other enuf to explore this lifestyle don't move to fast contrary to somes opinions it's about teaching reading and leading each other not just one sided. Patents will eventually reward you both |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *andKBCouple
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Not read all the replies but by her telling you what she wants she's topping from the bottom so to speak.
Do what feel natural to you!
Dominating someone doesn't have to be impact play! I like being degraded but that's not for everyone |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Need to be assertive with her. Show her you are in charge and that is about what you want not her.
I agree that this is not about beating or hurting it is about control and you need to show her your confidence. "
Good grief. No, it is most definitely not. It’s about the Dominant introducing things, stretching the sub, to give them experiences they’ll enjoy and possibly learn from. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Question:Why does anyone do BDSM? Answer: to do the things they enjoy and to possibly explore.
Question: what is the difference between a dom and a sub?
Answer: These days there is no one answer as more and more the answer becomes based on the individual relatationship.
If your D/S relationship is about serving the sub that's your D/S. Other people do BDSM for different reasons.
For me it is all about what I want to do, otherwise there is no reason to do it. It is like sex, we have sex to please ourselves. But in pleasing ourselves we expect to please another. Even open them up to other things we enjoy.
To me this is the crux of modern D/S. A proper negotiation will discover if the sub wants to explore what you have to offer.
If the sub wants to peg the dom, is the dom going to help them explore that? Certainly not this dom. Through a proper consensual negotiation you find your mutual points of interest. The issue of mutuality is key.
I really have difficulty with a sugar and spice and all things nice approach to BDSM. It is like those who say real rock is Bon Jovi whilst Slipknot and Marilyn Manson are not rock.It is similar to those who to try and turn japanese rope either into a yoga event or a decorative display. I prefer it's original dark kinky roots. But hey, your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do what you want.
I like to play in the darker twisted part of kink with subs with similar desires. You may not like what we do but if it's consensual and without abuse please grant me (and similar kinksters) the same respect we give you, and make it clear that your approach is an option you enjoy and is not the "true way".
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
