FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Are we going about this the wrong way?
Are we going about this the wrong way?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We're finding it very hard to get genuine meets with couples on here, we don't have huge amounts of time to spend messaging backwards and forwards, as we're wanting to find actual couples to play with.
It seems every time we start messaging a few couples that after a few messages back and forth we suggest a social meet and then suddenly we get a cold shoulder or they're too busy right now or some other excuse (very often this is after they message or wink us first). We know that there are more than a few catfishes on here but it's getting rather repetitive.
Would we be better off going to a club to meet people who might actually want to take things further? One issue with clubs for us is neither of us likes interacting with large groups of people, we prefer smaller more intimate groups and we're not late night party animals! Or should we be just messaging far more people? Any advice for us? Please point out anything wrong with our profile too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would suggest our place for fun for you guys, the club is very small and intimate, so no large groups of people. It's a lot of fun and because it's so small it add to the charm and means that playing is a bit more likely to happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Learn the golden rule, the longer people chat on fab without making definitive plans to meet the less likely they are to ever meet.
I suspect people start talking and then read your profile properly a bit later and read the female has “natural” pits, legs and genital hair, the majority of swingers prefer a lady to be bald from the eyebrows down, so in effect you are narrowing your choices. Not a criticism, just an observation.
Many have suggested a club however looking at your replies we would suspect unless you can get over your shyness and not liking big groups you may end up on your own sitting in a corner wondering if it’s for you, you have to be positive, open and initiate contact with people
In clubs.
When we rarely interact on here with people we fancy we have dates in mind beforehand for when we can meet, we put thise dates to others very early on in the conversation, if they are wishy, washy or avoid we just move on
Xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The one thing we have noticed over the years and especially the rise of sites like this and others, is, Choice..it may sound daft, but there is too much..people now, can afford to be very picky in all aspects of swinging. We/I Mr, have been swingers since the late 80's..there was no internet.It was party invites, odd sneaky adds in the Local paper or sex mag, is how we got our meets back then..We just got on with it..OK, there is nothing wrong with choice and preferences, of course theres not.But folk now are so focused on the perfect meet, Perfect in every way, and lifes and people are not like that..folk need to relax a little on their expectations. |
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Daytime parties maybe more appealing. Less pressure, not full of pissed up people and more relaxed. Milf mon at Townhouse and MOTD at cupids are v popular, tho a fair bit to travel. Sure there will be similar in your area. When we go to clubs we only interact with people we are interested in, no need to talk to everyone, tho a pleasent hello is ok. We arent into single men so other than be social thats as far as it goes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are like you OP..not really the club scene type of people,although we have been to a few over the years..it just the time factor,the cost, and the fact of it's standerdness so to speak..same faces,same thing to expect,same routine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all the useful feedback and messages, genuinely appreciate it.
We're starting to think that maybe some daytime club meets are the way forward, just need to stop thinking about it and go and get ourselves through the door and meeting people. We should count ourselves lucky that we have both jaydees and VA within 30 minutes. |
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By *OXO2018Couple
over a year ago
Norfolk |
"Thanks for all the useful feedback and messages, genuinely appreciate it.
We're starting to think that maybe some daytime club meets are the way forward, just need to stop thinking about it and go and get ourselves through the door and meeting people. We should count ourselves lucky that we have both jaydees and VA within 30 minutes. "
We’d 100% suggest MILF club at VA on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month 11am till 3pm we love it there. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
In our couples profile we struggle to find couples that we both want to meet then factor 4 way availability in and its tough.
So we use clubs/socials if we want to meet and have our own single profiles too .
Deffo try a club ,you can chat and see if theres a connection/attraction and play if all happy
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"Thanks for all the useful feedback and messages, genuinely appreciate it.
We're starting to think that maybe some daytime club meets are the way forward, just need to stop thinking about it and go and get ourselves through the door and meeting people. We should count ourselves lucky that we have both jaydees and VA within 30 minutes.
We’d 100% suggest MILF club at VA on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month 11am till 3pm we love it there."
This ^^^^
If you reach out to these guys, or us, or anyone posting reviews on milf club, We’re all very friendly and if we know you’re going you’ll be looked out for and taken care of.
(OP4fun is fantastic, we there partying last night until 4am (opens at 10pm):so if you’re not night owls you won’t survive it lol) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the suggestions, we're now making plans to go to MILF club at VA on the 10th July. Just need to arrange child care and get the time off work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're finding it very hard to get genuine meets with couples on here, we don't have huge amounts of time to spend messaging backwards and forwards, as we're wanting to find actual couples to play with.
It seems every time we start messaging a few couples that after a few messages back and forth we suggest a social meet and then suddenly we get a cold shoulder or they're too busy right now or some other excuse (very often this is after they message or wink us first). We know that there are more than a few catfishes on here but it's getting rather repetitive.
Would we be better off going to a club to meet people who might actually want to take things further? One issue with clubs for us is neither of us likes interacting with large groups of people, we prefer smaller more intimate groups and we're not late night party animals! Or should we be just messaging far more people? Any advice for us? Please point out anything wrong with our profile too!"
Well were in your area at the beginning of August and we do meet and are respectful and fun people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd also suggest clubs.
Thing is, it's not always excuses as to why people can't meet, they could be genuine reasons.
We speak to different couples, we know full well we can't meet until quite late notice generally due to our jobs but we keep in touch with people we would be interesting in meeting or getting to know further. Just because we can't plan a date or pin a meet down doesn't mean we don't want to, simply means we can't.
P |
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We have never ever arranged a meet on here we go to clubs and party's and like to randomly bump into people. Clubs are the best place to meet real genuine people and we have made some friends for life in clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Thing is, it's not always excuses as to why people can't meet, they could be genuine reasons.
"
The trouble is that, it seems we just get ghosted, no reply, no nothing. We have kids and we're busy and can't always make things line up but we *always* let people know. If people came back with a reason (even if it was made up) we would feel more comfortable but it's just when we exchange a few messages to make sure everyone is comfortable with what's on the table we then proceed to say we want to meet but then just get silence is just what makes us wonder if we did or said something wrong.
I think for us is that we're very inexperienced in this lifestyle but we're adults and here for a reason and know what goes on just we're not prepared to go crazy for full on swap with everyone we meet as that's not really our thing (yet!). We're sure if we had more experience then we could find couples more easily who we could give each other what we wanted without issue.
Anyway, club meet seems to be a good consensus so that's where we'll go next, if we find anyone in the meantime then all the better. |
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"I would suggest our place for fun for you guys, the club is very small and intimate, so no large groups of people. It's a lot of fun and because it's so small it add to the charm and means that playing is a bit more likely to happen. "
I totally agree this is our favourite club to visit always friendly. Maybe put up a meet saying what night you will be there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the useful feedback and messages, genuinely appreciate it.
We're starting to think that maybe some daytime club meets are the way forward, just need to stop thinking about it and go and get ourselves through the door and meeting people. We should count ourselves lucky that we have both jaydees and VA within 30 minutes. "
I've been to jaydees and it's very friendly |
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By *ightLeeCouple
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"The one thing we have noticed over the years and especially the rise of sites like this and others, is, Choice..it may sound daft, but there is too much..people now, can afford to be very picky in all aspects of swinging. We/I Mr, have been swingers since the late 80's..there was no internet.It was party invites, odd sneaky adds in the Local paper or sex mag, is how we got our meets back then..We just got on with it..OK, there is nothing wrong with choice and preferences, of course theres not.But folk now are so focused on the perfect meet, Perfect in every way, and lifes and people are not like that..folk need to relax a little on their expectations."
Yes!! It can even happen when you aren’t meaning it to. There is always something new and shinny grabbing your attention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're finding it very hard to get genuine meets with couples on here, we don't have huge amounts of time to spend messaging backwards and forwards, as we're wanting to find actual couples to play with.
It seems every time we start messaging a few couples that after a few messages back and forth we suggest a social meet and then suddenly we get a cold shoulder or they're too busy right now or some other excuse (very often this is after they message or wink us first). We know that there are more than a few catfishes on here but it's getting rather repetitive.
Would we be better off going to a club to meet people who might actually want to take things further? One issue with clubs for us is neither of us likes interacting with large groups of people, we prefer smaller more intimate groups and we're not late night party animals! Or should we be just messaging far more people? Any advice for us? Please point out anything wrong with our profile too!"
I'd get the women to chat on phone early on its best way to make sure a woman's involved |
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Firstly, absolutely nothing wrong with your profile. It explains everything anybody should wish to know and you have great pics. Secondly, as regulars at Jaydee's for many years who know the club, it would be ideal for you (depending which part of Cambridge you live). It's a large club with plenty of space. Every weekend there are loads of couple's like yourselves who love the social side. So it's easy to slip into big groups, small groups, or just one couple. I'm sure many other people will say great things about their club of choice also. So just pick one and go for it. You'll love it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mfmf present a problem in that there's more lines of attention to fulfill. As been said before, get yourself to clubs, organised parties and socials. We've meet many a lovely couple this way x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mfmf present a problem in that there's more lines of attention to fulfill. As been said before, get yourself to clubs, organised parties and socials. We've meet many a lovely couple this way x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The one thing we have noticed over the years and especially the rise of sites like this and others, is, Choice..it may sound daft, but there is too much..people now, can afford to be very picky in all aspects of swinging. We/I Mr, have been swingers since the late 80's..there was no internet.It was party invites, odd sneaky adds in the Local paper or sex mag, is how we got our meets back then..We just got on with it..OK, there is nothing wrong with choice and preferences, of course theres not.But folk now are so focused on the perfect meet, Perfect in every way, and lifes and people are not like that..folk need to relax a little on their expectations."
Fully agree with the above although I’m not a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have never ever arranged a meet on here we go to clubs and party's and like to randomly bump into people. Clubs are the best place to meet real genuine people and we have made some friends for life in clubs. "
Interesting! Like it.
I do both and good to see some of the nice clubs getting mentioned in here. There are still many people sitting on the fence with clubs... undecided or never been, but always thinking about it. Nice to bump into people and make new friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're finding it very hard to get genuine meets with couples on here, we don't have huge amounts of time to spend messaging backwards and forwards, as we're wanting to find actual couples to play with.
It seems every time we start messaging a few couples that after a few messages back and forth we suggest a social meet and then suddenly we get a cold shoulder or they're too busy right now or some other excuse (very often this is after they message or wink us first). We know that there are more than a few catfishes on here but it's getting rather repetitive.
Would we be better off going to a club to meet people who might actually want to take things further? One issue with clubs for us is neither of us likes interacting with large groups of people, we prefer smaller more intimate groups and we're not late night party animals! Or should we be just messaging far more people? Any advice for us? Please point out anything wrong with our profile too!"
I use this as an additional opinion, so no pressure. Since I personally met more people outside this site than here, the risk is exactly the same.
Some couples like us have very limited time and are here to find a deeper discreet connection with a nice couple for repeats and discreet fun, the less meets here and the longer to make this meeting happen the better we learn about the person's intentions, because some people here will disappear once they get want they want or the fun quality could be poor...
That's my own point of view and doesn't apply to evey single people here. I noticed that people here hate the signs of desperation and may play the hard to get... So that annoying trend should be reacted too... In our case we always mention our intentions on the very first few messages... And no we will not meet at the drop of a hat... We did get many offers, but rather quality over quantity (this sentence seems overrated here, but should be respected too)...
I do feel that people here are slower than it used to be, and there are much less meeting offers than it used to be 8 years ago...
If you have patience and want to meet amazing people, keep in touch and have some good conversations in the forums. You already started right by asking your question...   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like many others, I never met anyone on here where the relationship originated on the website rather than the other way around. I would like to meet some people from fab and have a wishlist so to speak but it's not my priority in comparison to real people I already met in real life.
In terms of advice on your profile, try to explain better what you can offer that's unique to you, and invest in good quality pictures. Blurry images with clutter in the background are not sexy and show lack of effort.
'Naturally hairy' aspect will totally narrow down your options but if that's important to you then you're better off being upfront to avoid shock-horror reactions further down the line.
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
In terms of advice on your profile, try to explain better what you can offer that's unique to you, and invest in good quality pictures. Blurry images with clutter in the background are not sexy and show lack of effort.
"
Slightly confused by this comment to be honest, we felt that most of our photos are not blurry or cluttered! The only shots with clutter are actually from a meetup with a very decent couple we found via this site, where the other M took photos of our F and vice versa and has given us our most fabbed photo other than the profile picture. Not sure how we can put more effort into photos other than paying a pro to take them!
Anyway, we have realised we were going about things the wrong way and are very much intending to be at VA in July, the issue is that we realised we got a lot of attention early on due to being "new" but the break we had to take just meant a lot of people lost interest. Realistically, we don't care for messaging or mucking about, we want to meet real people so are going to get over the double hump of meeting new people combined with doing naughty stuff and just get on with it, if we decide it's not for us later then no harm done! |
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