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Polyamorous Relationship
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Afternoon all my husband and I are looking into inviting a women into our relationship and are just seeing if anyone had any advice or experience first hand. We’ve spoken about it at length and is something where both happy with just looking for advice or a starting point. |
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I have three women in my life, there is Alfa woman.my long relationship and the other two
They all know eack other but we don't all live together and never all meet together. It's a very complicated system and all have to have the right nind set for it |
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What we’re looking for is more simple than that. We’re literally looking for someone to come and join us in every aspect of our life eventually. Obviously I say simple, but finding someone I imagine is a minefield  |
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I have seen an item on the BBC news Web site about it. You might want to look that up.
There are also Meetup groups specifically for polyamory which I would imagine could be very useful for you.
All the examples of it I know of are people who found themselves falling in love organically rather than went out looking for it. I would guess it would be a rarity to find the right person but I certainly wish you well and every happiness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only tried it once and it was a disaster. All I would say is if you have any doubts about any of you not being fully poly don't even try it. The other female in our little group just wasn't and I don't think she ever was. It ended disastrously. |
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"I have seen an item on the BBC news Web site about it. You might want to look that up.
There are also Meetup groups specifically for polyamory which I would imagine could be very useful for you.
All the examples of it I know of are people who found themselves falling in love organically rather than went out looking for it. I would guess it would be a rarity to find the right person but I certainly wish you well and every happiness. "
Yes- I suppose I would have imagined that would have been how it played out, but equally how do you organically fall in love with a woman and then hope she falls for your husband too? Minefield! |
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"Only tried it once and it was a disaster. All I would say is if you have any doubts about any of you not being fully poly don't even try it. The other female in our little group just wasn't and I don't think she ever was. It ended disastrously."
We’ve discussed it in great detail, however I appreciate the reality could be different than in theory. It’s a big step and in all honesty I wouldn’t even know where to begin? |
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We had a live-in girlfriend for nearly 4 years. Lots of ups and downs,especially when she got a job in a school, as it meant both her and Caroline worked the same hours and had the same holidays. That's when it all went wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From.my personal experience it did not work out. Said female half of the couple was quite obviously not into it at all. Too much drama and jealousy. However I'm sure this is probably more rare. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only tried it once and it was a disaster. All I would say is if you have any doubts about any of you not being fully poly don't even try it. The other female in our little group just wasn't and I don't think she ever was. It ended disastrously.
We’ve discussed it in great detail, however I appreciate the reality could be different than in theory. It’s a big step and in all honesty I wouldn’t even know where to begin? "
Have you considered starting with developing a regular fwb ? That will help you work through any issues. From that you might get a better idea of what you’re looking for and how to organise it. And as Frontier asked, have you thought about status and priority?
Okcupid has a healthy population of polyamorous people, although the men I’ve spoken to there seem to prioritise their set-up over the needs of the women involved.
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Afternoon all my husband and I are looking into inviting a women into our relationship and are just seeing if anyone had any advice or experience first hand. We’ve spoken about it at length and is something where both happy with just looking for advice or a starting point. "
Be aware of the Green eyed monster raising its head. It's the one single biggest destroyer of poly relationships. It's essential you're of the right mindset to carry it off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doughy has a ‘girlfriend’, she’s entered our lives and fits perfectly in with us, we went away on holiday with us recently.
However there are areas that we have strict rules about and it’s things that have come up over time:
No overnights with her, even when we were away he stays strictly with me, that’s my biggest thing.
When we were away we had a rule if our door was open she could come in and get into our bed and it felt natural but at the same time after thinking about it, I would have preferred him to go to her.
When going up to bed for the night he would come into me and then he would go into her, after talking about it we said it would be better for him to follow her into her room straight away and then come into me.
Other than that everything else seems to fit quite nicely. She is absolutely lovely and we go out altogether and he sometimes holds her hand while we are out etc (sometimes he tries to hold both our hands just to wind people up lol), we work together and sometimes she comes over and they go off into the bedroom (we live on site too) while I work.
It’s something that has just fitted into our life.
Hope this helps.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have three women in my life, there is Alfa woman.my long relationship and the other two
They all know eack other but we don't all live together and never all meet together. It's a very complicated system and all have to have the right nind set for it"
So why are you on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are different ways of doing polyamory and maybe have a look at those. There are poly groups on another site I am on and there are poly mailing lists.
Happy to chat if you have questions (I came out of a longterm relationship recently but still identify as poly). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Afternoon all my husband and I are looking into inviting a women into our relationship and are just seeing if anyone had any advice or experience first hand. We’ve spoken about it at length and is something where both happy with just looking for advice or a starting point.
Be aware of the Green eyed monster raising its head. It's the one single biggest destroyer of poly relationships. It's essential you're of the right mindset to carry it off. "
Totally agree. I just couldn't cope with it although my partner tried really hard. It really ate me up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Poly the good the bad the ugly
Now I know that not everyone on here either gets/interested/agrees with the Poly life style and i get that and its totally okay as its down to choice in the end.
But what I have found is this lifestyle opens up the experiences and dynamics to people that may start them considering if poly maybe something worth exploring.
I have been asked a number of times about the benefits and negatives of living a poly lifestyle. Now I am not saying I am the guru of all knowledge but i have had both good and bad experiences of poly and wanted to share what I have learnt.
Let’s start off with all the good parts of Polyamory. Now these may not be in all oly relationships but is generally what I have found.
1. Open Communication
For poly to work you must have amazing two way communication skills.
Poly households need to be able to discuss alot of difficult topics. You need to discuss your relationship dynamics, comfort levels and jealousy. You need to discuss your boundaries and your emotions, which is a great exercise of communication. It can really let you open up about your desires and feelings and learn about the needs of your partner or partners.
2. Cheating/affairs
If you’re open to each other, then you get to be intimate with other people without the damage cheating/affairs can have on a couple. Now i am not saying it can not occur as if couples have set boundaries to their poly relationship and these are broken then cheating can occur.
3. Exploring different dynamics and sexuallity.
Being intimate with more than one person can lead to you being able to exlore all sides of you kink dynamics and your sexuality. It also means that you have more than 1 person to share your life eith opening up an enviroment thar allows you to explore more facets of life. You share lives not just sex.
4. Support and personal growth
The more people you have close to you, the more loving support you hace within your life. This can include additional emotional support, physical support and practical support.
There is a Polyamory theory that the more you are loved, the more you are able to accept love, which in turn makes you a better support system for those around you. That can’t be a bad thing can it ?
So now lets look at some of the negatives that come with a pily lifestyle.
1. Jealousy
Now this is one I always struggled with, i have never really felt or understood jealousy and its something I have had to learn to deal with in others.
At one point i was very silly to assume well your poly you should not be jealous. But thats not true I now understand that people can be in a poly relationship and be jealous. Its how they deal with the jealousy that is the key factor.
In order for the relationships to be successful, you need to be comfortable talking about jealousy and finding ways to solve issues. Ifyou dont do that like in any monogamous relationship it can tear the relationship apart and leave a sea of broken hearts.
2. Juggling time.
Life can get really busy, so making sure everyone gets time is a must. And to be honest this is one of the hardest parts of being poly. I always joke that this is easy fir me as I have a Boo, and she is the Poly PA for the house od pest lol.
But you have to keep in mind sometimes its possible that one person may need more attention than the other, and there needs to be a way to balance everything so no one gets left out.
To be honest normally fir us its the core relationship of Boo and Me that sacrifice time to make sure everyone gets the time they need.
3. The stigma
Polyamory is not widely socially acceptable. I have had people say to me in the past that I can not love Boo if I have someone else. That its really just fucking around, that im cheatimg and Boo can not be accepting of this behaviour. Its seen in a bad light by many. So in many poly groups its kept secret from their friends and family.
4. Baggage
If you are not in a good point in your core relationship and you are trying poly to try and fix your issues then its not going to work. The core has to be strong for poly to work or you end up with unhappy partners. Also the core is taking on the baggage that comes with most people now over the age of 20 lol. This canput strain on the other relationship specially in the early stages
5. The ugly
Poly will always be used by those that are hidding their lifestyle from their partners as an excuse to screw around. This is not poly this is not open relationship this cheating .
Now the above is just a general observation from myself and my poly journey. Now what I can say is that i have met some wonderful people and experienced alot of life adventures with them. I have learnt alot about myself as well, there has also been heartbreak, tears and alot of stress on the way but I will stand by my poly lifesyle and look forward to all it brings |
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Good luck to you, as has been said there are many varients of poly.
I really don't know how people find the time as the kids keep us so busy we rarely have time for each other.
But if it work more power to your elbow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Afternoon all my husband and I are looking into inviting a women into our relationship and are just seeing if anyone had any advice or experience first hand. We’ve spoken about it at length and is something where both happy with just looking for advice or a starting point. "
There used to be a poly group meeting once a month in Leeds at a hotel, for people who are interested in the lifestyle. It might be better for finding a female who is really interested. male  |
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"Afternoon all my husband and I are looking into inviting a women into our relationship and are just seeing if anyone had any advice or experience first hand. We’ve spoken about it at length and is something where both happy with just looking for advice or a starting point.
There used to be a poly group meeting once a month in Leeds at a hotel, for people who are interested in the lifestyle. It might be better for finding a female who is really interested. male "
Ooh is this still going?? Xx |
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"There are different ways of doing polyamory and maybe have a look at those. There are poly groups on another site I am on and there are poly mailing lists.
Happy to chat if you have questions (I came out of a longterm relationship recently but still identify as poly). "
Thank you for this we would love to know more which sites etc any advice would be great thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Afternoon all my husband and I are looking into inviting a women into our relationship and are just seeing if anyone had any advice or experience first hand. We’ve spoken about it at length and is something where both happy with just looking for advice or a starting point.
There used to be a poly group meeting once a month in Leeds at a hotel, for people who are interested in the lifestyle. It might be better for finding a female who is really interested. male
Ooh is this still going?? Xx"
Not sure but if you Google it you will find the details online. |
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I personally am poly but truly struggle to meet people who I'm attracted to and can see it working with. Poly is quite a small demographic even in London and it's difficult. I would love to be a third as that would suit and fit my lifestyle so well, I love the idea of having all the affection and attraction and sharing that communally without the worry in a way time allows. So good for you op checking it all out, any Londoners interested feel free to message to chat |
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My wife has a girlfriend and although i dont have sex with her we get on great .
I dont have sex with other woman (my choice) but so far relationship works well
They play shop and hang out she is fet my wife is a little so again that helps out as im not
All in all our set up works well xxx |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I am poly but find it very hard to meet a couple that I feel it would work with, therefore I don't even look for couples. I feel if a polyamorous relationship was going to develop it would just happen by itself and I don't go looking for couples to join in that way. I'm more likely to have a few different long-term partners Who are aware of everything and happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good luck with this. We are looking for a guy to share this type of relationship with long term. So far no luck. I believe finding a female would be harder. Hopefully you will prove us wrong. Best wishes and good luck. |
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Hey! I’m also poly and have two partners, we all also see other people and I’ve dated couples in the past. In my experience of dating couples, it’s best to do it as openly as possible. The dating app - f e e l d (remove spaces) might be a good place to start trying to connect to people but as someone else has mentioned meet ups for poly/non-monogs are good too. I think the most important thing is communication with each other and anyone you invite in to your lives and just seeing where things go rather than having very specific goals.
Always happy and excited to chat to more people in alternative relationships so feel free to give me a shout x |
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One of my friends is and has this lifestyle for many years he finds the level of openness and acceptance the lure for him he has been like that for many years and only meets or is in relationships with like minded people. personally I can’t see how you can fully love 2 people and commit to them both fully at the same time.
I’d seen the poly programme on telly last year and thought it was more about greed and cuckholding or being a stag the woman had various poly partners and bf was very accepting |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"One of my friends is and has this lifestyle for many years he finds the level of openness and acceptance the lure for him he has been like that for many years and only meets or is in relationships with like minded people. personally I can’t see how you can fully love 2 people and commit to them both fully at the same time.
I’d seen the poly programme on telly last year and thought it was more about greed and cuckholding or being a stag the woman had various poly partners and bf was very accepting "
Every person in a poly relationship is different. I don't love my husband the same way as I love anyone else. He is my primary partner so you could say I'm 'more commited' to him (I mean we are married and own a house together so I certainly am financially and legally more tied to him) but that doesn't mean my poly relationships are any less important, the commitment just looks different.
Not everyone can romantically love more than one person (actually I believe we all have the capability for it but lack the willingness and acceptance due to societal expectations) but it's a bit like saying you should only have one child cause you can't love two. Of course you can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I worked for an amazing family! There was him, his wife (they had grown up kids), his concubine, their kid & his girlfriend ... all in one house. They had lived that way for years ... was it happy? It appeared to be but there were the usual tensions suppose they just dealt with them. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
My best advice would be - consider what the man or woman you’re invited into your life will want, and how you will make them feel like they aren’t an outsider.
Triads rarely work when they start with an established relationship.
Also think about how you’re going to be ostracized both officially and also how you’re going to feel when people don’t want to be your friends anymore. And if you have kids think about how you’re going to respond to allegations of inappropriate parenting and even child abuse. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
Fwiw I’ve been in multiple relationships for the last decade or so and have many friends in all different kinds of multiple relationships. Some triads that live together with kids, some who are solo poly, and everything in between. |
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"Looking for a woman to eventually hold an equal status in your joint relationship or a secondary status?
Joint status x"
My hat off to you both, a very brave endeavour to open the relationship up to having another an equal stakeholder in your relationship and life. I don't think many people have the emotional wiring or maturity to deal with that. Sounds a very challenging proposition but hopefully one that is emotionally and practically rewarding for all involved. |
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