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Caught bf with a second profile
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I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you consent to that second profile? IF not, then yes i'd say you're a bit mad for putting it behind you.
If you're both on here anyway, you should have a degree of trust and respect between you. Whether you're allwoed to fuck around with other people or not, consent and communication should still be #1. If he's going behind your back, even if it's 'just to chat' or whatever, it's not right. If he's keeping this secret, and you let it slide, it leaves a gate open for other things in the future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I wouldn't air it on here
You both need to shut up shop and establish rules. If he's done this he's obviously craving attention for me that could be signs of issues within the relationship or it could be pure innocent
Discuss it with him because in the end someone is going to have their confidence and trust knocked. Swinging in a relationship isn't exactly easy it isn't for every couple prehaps there could be a clash of desires. Again this is for you to discuss.
(a males point of view) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm really sorry to hear that.
Do you play as a couple? "
Sorry, I'm new and just read your profile.
I havent been round these parts long but I does seem that you're probably not the only one this is happening to. |
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So very sorry to hear this has happened!
Without knowing your full situation it's hard to comment but on face value I'd say the fact he's hidden the profile from you is indication enough to know that if he HAD met someone, his intention was to hide that too.
No one deserves to feel the way you do right now. Take some time to consider your options & do what's right for you. You might not feel it now but you ARE strong enough to get through this!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?"
Because there was deception involved. He did it on the sly, thus making the OP question if he is trustworthy. |
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?"
It's not what we agreed.
I realise I sound like a hypocrite by having this profile, but there are reasons for it, and it was done openly and honestly. It is also usually hidden.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am gutted for you. I know how I would feel. Take a break for a few days, tell him it's not a shag break where you are both going off to sleep with others. It's a break for you both to think about what you want.
Good luck xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not easy to be 100% honest as a swinging couple. How will the other person deal with it ? They don't want to hurt their significant other who's so open towards this way of life. But to be comletely and utterly honest... That's not an easy thing to do.
It's takes time and it means completely giving the other person full trust. Trust in yourself from the other person and trust for them to be honest with you. That's very scary.
It can be done. It builds the relationship to be deeper and stronger than you ever thought possible.
Me and trim have our own profiles. We keep no secrets and have our rules and we keep to them. Your feelings are hurt as he's gone behind your back and betrayed you. He broke rules that he may or may not have been aware off. I'm guessing he knew better but went ahead anyway.
If it's all out in the open between both of you then the hurt is less and even none existent.. you two may even find that being so open and honest brings you closer.
You do however need to ensure you have hour own rules that you are both happy with and stick to them. For instance... If trim vetos a guy.. done.. I don't even question it. If he wants to leave a club or party... We leave. No question. If I veto a woman I know that he will respect it and if I say we should go home from a party ... It will happen. ( Not that would ever happen as I suffer from the last man standing syndrome)
Point is... 100% honesty ... Freedom and understanding what that means whilst still respecting the other person's wishes.
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"It's not easy to be 100% honest as a swinging couple. How will the other person deal with it ? They don't want to hurt their significant other who's so open towards this way of life. But to be comletely and utterly honest... That's not an easy thing to do.
It's takes time and it means completely giving the other person full trust. Trust in yourself from the other person and trust for them to be honest with you. That's very scary.
It can be done. It builds the relationship to be deeper and stronger than you ever thought possible.
Me and trim have our own profiles. We keep no secrets and have our rules and we keep to them. Your feelings are hurt as he's gone behind your back and betrayed you. He broke rules that he may or may not have been aware off. I'm guessing he knew better but went ahead anyway.
If it's all out in the open between both of you then the hurt is less and even none existent.. you two may even find that being so open and honest brings you closer.
You do however need to ensure you have hour own rules that you are both happy with and stick to them. For instance... If trim vetos a guy.. done.. I don't even question it. If he wants to leave a club or party... We leave. No question. If I veto a woman I know that he will respect it and if I say we should go home from a party ... It will happen. ( Not that would ever happen as I suffer from the last man standing syndrome)
Point is... 100% honesty ... Freedom and understanding what that means whilst still respecting the other person's wishes.
"
I thought that's what we had. Which is why it hurts so much.
He works away. We only see eachother a couple of times a month. I want to trust him, but he's not making it easy.
He never seems to want sex... which is why I went looking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not easy to be 100% honest as a swinging couple. How will the other person deal with it ? They don't want to hurt their significant other who's so open towards this way of life. But to be comletely and utterly honest... That's not an easy thing to do.
It's takes time and it means completely giving the other person full trust. Trust in yourself from the other person and trust for them to be honest with you. That's very scary.
It can be done. It builds the relationship to be deeper and stronger than you ever thought possible.
Me and trim have our own profiles. We keep no secrets and have our rules and we keep to them. Your feelings are hurt as he's gone behind your back and betrayed you. He broke rules that he may or may not have been aware off. I'm guessing he knew better but went ahead anyway.
If it's all out in the open between both of you then the hurt is less and even none existent.. you two may even find that being so open and honest brings you closer.
You do however need to ensure you have hour own rules that you are both happy with and stick to them. For instance... If trim vetos a guy.. done.. I don't even question it. If he wants to leave a club or party... We leave. No question. If I veto a woman I know that he will respect it and if I say we should go home from a party ... It will happen. ( Not that would ever happen as I suffer from the last man standing syndrome)
Point is... 100% honesty ... Freedom and understanding what that means whilst still respecting the other person's wishes.
I thought that's what we had. Which is why it hurts so much.
He works away. We only see eachother a couple of times a month. I want to trust him, but he's not making it easy.
He never seems to want sex... which is why I went looking. "
No point being with a guy that doesn't want you sexually. When that happens the relationship is usually on its way out unfortunately. There's no one in this world that deserves to make you feel like you're not worth it.  |
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"
He never seems to want sex... which is why I went looking.
No point being with a guy that doesn't want you sexually. When that happens the relationship is usually on its way out unfortunately. There's no one in this world that deserves to make you feel like you're not worth it. "
OP, I sense the interpretation of relationship between both of you might be different.
I can't blame him as the story is only from 1 side, but I can relate to your pain and hurt.
Be strong, gather yourself up, re-evaluate the relationship (I sense it's just casual) and open yourself for new meets. |
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"
He never seems to want sex... which is why I went looking.
No point being with a guy that doesn't want you sexually. When that happens the relationship is usually on its way out unfortunately. There's no one in this world that deserves to make you feel like you're not worth it.
OP, I sense the interpretation of relationship between both of you might be different.
I can't blame him as the story is only from 1 side, but I can relate to your pain and hurt.
Be strong, gather yourself up, re-evaluate the relationship (I sense it's just casual) and open yourself for new meets. "
It's not just casual. He's totally involved in my life - with my kids etc. We talk on the phone at least 3 times a day. I've met his family. |
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"
He never seems to want sex... which is why I went looking.
No point being with a guy that doesn't want you sexually. When that happens the relationship is usually on its way out unfortunately. There's no one in this world that deserves to make you feel like you're not worth it.
OP, I sense the interpretation of relationship between both of you might be different.
I can't blame him as the story is only from 1 side, but I can relate to your pain and hurt.
Be strong, gather yourself up, re-evaluate the relationship (I sense it's just casual) and open yourself for new meets.
It's not just casual. He's totally involved in my life - with my kids etc. We talk on the phone at least 3 times a day. I've met his family."
wow.. it does sound serious.
Still, all the more reason to re-evaluate the relationship OP.
Calm yourself and re-think things.
Don't make decision while you are still upset.
Only you can heal/ unhurt yourself.
Wishing you the best
(actually, this is a reminder for myself as well). |
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Unfortunately I don’t think you’ll get past this. He’s shown you that you can’t trust him in a pretty fundamental way. Given that you don’t see him all that often and you’re swinging together, trust is hugely important. I don’t think you should let it go. You’ll always be wondering which will drive you nuts. Maybe best to move on. Good luck.
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
You either both talk about the reasons this has happened and try to work it though.
Or you can stick your head in the sand and hope it will all go away...until it happens again...
From my own experience once the trust has gone it's very hard to get it back.
Good luck OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ignore all the sympathy posts, its easily sorted. Open yourself a second account, add some 'sexy' photos, then send him a Friends Invite!...."
Yes and send me a invite please |
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
Sorry but I have been cheated on and it's not nice. I would get rid of him. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
Don’t let anyone make you feel second best. Your bf should make you feel special and it doesn’t look as if he is. Fab should be fun for couples but only if your relationship is healthy. It’s not a sticking plaster to hold it together.
You only see him a couple of times in a month yet he doesn’t want sex. If that was me and we really wanted each other we’d be ripping clothes of each other when we meet. You should ask yourself why are you together. Is it just because you’ve been together for so long?
If he has one secret profile on here does he have others on other sites?
From experience my marriage should’ve ended earlier. Try and look at your relationship objectively and don’t let it drag on. Single life has benefits.  |
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I think intent has alot to do with this.
If he was looking to meet without your knowledge and that was not agreed previously then it feels as though he was intent on cheating if he could.
If he simply had a profile, then it could have been more of a porn thing. Using a profile to chat, check pictures and fantasise.
Now all relationships are different, but sexual fantasies are good to share, but I don't inform my wife every time I masterbate or what I masterbate to. And visa versa.
Again the kik account could have been for porn purposes.
To me it's the intent that is the key thing rather than the activities.
I would be concerned about a partner with a fab profile, looking to meet and does not have sex with me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
No point being with a guy that doesn't want you sexually. When that happens the relationship is usually on its way out unfortunately. There's no one in this world that deserves to make you feel like you're not worth it. "
There's always more to it than this.
There can be peaks and troughs in any relationship, especially in very long term ones.
OP I'm confused by his actions ... he doesn't want sex with you but does with other people?
That and the lying doesn't bode well.
I hope he realises what an idiot he's been
Ell
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think intent has alot to do with this.
If he was looking to meet without your knowledge and that was not agreed previously then it feels as though he was intent on cheating if he could.
If he simply had a profile, then it could have been more of a porn thing. Using a profile to chat, check pictures and fantasise.
Now all relationships are different, but sexual fantasies are good to share, but I don't inform my wife every time I masterbate or what I masterbate to. And visa versa.
Again the kik account could have been for porn purposes.
To me it's the intent that is the key thing rather than the activities.
I would be concerned about a partner with a fab profile, looking to meet and does not have sex with me.
"
Yes agreed.
Intent is a major factor |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X"
Indeed. And she has a right to expect honesty from her partner. If that offends him, he can move on. |
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"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right."
probably missing the word consensual.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happened to me , we decided to have a relationship outside of fab , both deleted our profiles then my friend came across another profile he set up 8 months down the line and he was active broke my heart , so no where you coming from , the addiction of fab takes over for men  |
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"It happened to me , we decided to have a relationship outside of fab , both deleted our profiles then my friend came across another profile he set up 8 months down the line and he was active broke my heart , so no where you coming from , the addiction of fab takes over for men "
X. I've got no words left x |
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The most important things in any relationship are trust, communication and honesty. These are even more important in a relationship where you bring others in to share your sex life with.
Your partner has not been honest or communicated with you twice now and broken your trust. If you sit down and talk things through and truly believe that he will not do this again then you may be able to put this behind you. However, the fact that this is the second time that he’s broken your trust and been dishonest makes me think that a leopard will not change his spots |
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"Trust has been broken twice now? Personally, I’d be fuming right now.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
You deserve better.
Ed x"
I'm hurting rather than fuming. Been through all this before with my husband. Can't believe he'd do this. Especially as if he'd been honest about it, we could have come to an agreement. |
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?
It's not what we agreed.
I realise I sound like a hypocrite by having this profile, but there are reasons for it, and it was done openly and honestly. It is also usually hidden.
"
exactly OP you're not a hypocrite at all.. to be a couple on here you have to have another level of trust I think....you need honest communication and to only do what you both agree to...he didn't so you have every right to feel like u do...have a proper talk to him...then ignore your heart and your head and go with your gut... xx k (fem) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally I wouldn't air it on here
You both need to shut up shop and establish rules. If he's done this he's obviously craving attention for me that could be signs of issues within the relationship or it could be pure innocent
Discuss it with him because in the end someone is going to have their confidence and trust knocked. Swinging in a relationship isn't exactly easy it isn't for every couple prehaps there could be a clash of desires. Again this is for you to discuss.
(a males point of view) "
Great advice. The only two who can sort this out are the OP and her partner. Conflicting opinions on here will leave her more confused than ever. |
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"Trust has been broken twice now? Personally, I’d be fuming right now.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
You deserve better.
Ed x
I'm hurting rather than fuming. Been through all this before with my husband. Can't believe he'd do this. Especially as if he'd been honest about it, we could have come to an agreement. "
Don’t allow the pain to consume you. You’re aching to know the ‘why’ and yet you’ll never know the real reason. You need to have a good talk with yourself and look towards a brighter future. You deserve better. I really wouldn’t waste any more time with him but ultimately the decision is yours.
Either way, look after yourself and I wish you the very best in what you do.
Ed x |
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
If he wont commit and done it before, what do you want? If he csnt give you what you want why stay? Never accept the unacceptable. I had a relationship with a guy I met on here. We were swinging as a couple and he went behind my back to play on his own and lied about it which wasn't what we agreed. I dumped him. He didnt need to do that we could have done so many fun things together. Best decision I made  |
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I suppose it depends on how you feel about them doesn't it.
I love him. He's my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him in it.
On the other hand, I can't stand the way I feel right now and I never want to feel like this again..but I suspect I will. |
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This happened to me OP quite a few years back. My advice? Well you and I are different people, my situation went from bad to worse to terrible and it broke me, trusting someone and then not.
You may start to feel that person is always going behind your back, your self esteem may take a tumble, you may start checking their phone, searching fab for them etc. Etc.
Even though you love that person, they are controlling you, they are exercising choice whilst not giving you the knowledge that you too could exercise choice, the equality in your relationship has gone.
My advice is based on my experience, walk away for the sake of your own sanity |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I suppose it depends on how you feel about them doesn't it.
I love him. He's my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him in it.
On the other hand, I can't stand the way I feel right now and I never want to feel like this again..but I suspect I will."
Just remember that he is choosing to make you feel that way! Reevaluate how he says he feels about you and how he shows he feels about you ... you might find that there is a huge discrepancy |
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"It's not easy to be 100% honest as a swinging couple. How will the other person deal with it ? They don't want to hurt their significant other who's so open towards this way of life. But to be comletely and utterly honest... That's not an easy thing to do.
It's takes time and it means completely giving the other person full trust. Trust in yourself from the other person and trust for them to be honest with you. That's very scary.
It can be done. It builds the relationship to be deeper and stronger than you ever thought possible.
Me and trim have our own profiles. We keep no secrets and have our rules and we keep to them. Your feelings are hurt as he's gone behind your back and betrayed you. He broke rules that he may or may not have been aware off. I'm guessing he knew better but went ahead anyway.
If it's all out in the open between both of you then the hurt is less and even none existent.. you two may even find that being so open and honest brings you closer.
You do however need to ensure you have hour own rules that you are both happy with and stick to them. For instance... If trim vetos a guy.. done.. I don't even question it. If he wants to leave a club or party... We leave. No question. If I veto a woman I know that he will respect it and if I say we should go home from a party ... It will happen. ( Not that would ever happen as I suffer from the last man standing syndrome)
Point is... 100% honesty ... Freedom and understanding what that means whilst still respecting the other person's wishes.
"
This is so true. Total transparancy and honesty is needed. If not may as well swing as singles. First and foremost is 'us' everything else is a bonus, but only stuff we agree on. |
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"I suppose it depends on how you feel about them doesn't it.
I love him. He's my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him in it.
On the other hand, I can't stand the way I feel right now and I never want to feel like this again..but I suspect I will."
If you choose to stay and he chooses not to change you certainly will feel like this again. How much of your life are you prepared to spend feeling bad in exchange for the good bits?
By the way best friends don't do bad stuff to each other over and over again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just a thought for what it’s worth....
If you are in a relationship where the two of you both have the freedom to meet others for sexual hook ups but he still feels the need to be secretive and deceptive that would be a huge red flag for me.
If the open lifestyle you have is not enough for him then I’d question what would be.
Hope you get it sorted x
Miss V |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
Depends on how you value trust, honesty and respect.
You say he did it before.
Did he not learn his lesson?? |
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"Personally I wouldn't air it on here
You both need to shut up shop and establish rules. If he's done this he's obviously craving attention for me that could be signs of issues within the relationship or it could be pure innocent
Discuss it with him because in the end someone is going to have their confidence and trust knocked. Swinging in a relationship isn't exactly easy it isn't for every couple prehaps there could be a clash of desires. Again this is for you to discuss.
(a males point of view) "
As an aside to the above your profile is of a single woman and you complain he has a profile? Get a grip of yourself and stop being so hypocritical. |
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
And his first one was ok?? Hahahaha |
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"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right."
What?!? Are you serious? Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants with his/her own body. People have needs and desires, people have issues - what right do we have to determine what they are/aren't allowed to do with their own bodies? People can have sex with whoever they choose. It may damage relationships, etc, but people do reserve that right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you should confront him or make another profile and add him and then you can decide from the chat and I totally get your hurting this is a tough one but only you can make the right choice .
If it was my other half he been out on his arse no questions asked or said .but everyone is different.
Mrs Spice xx |
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"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right.
What?!? Are you serious? Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants with his/her own body. People have needs and desires, people have issues - what right do we have to determine what they are/aren't allowed to do with their own bodies? People can have sex with whoever they choose. It may damage relationships, etc, but people do reserve that right."
Yes I'm serious. Nobody has the right to have sex with whoever they want. Read the sentence back and consider how it sounds |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right.
What?!? Are you serious? Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants with his/her own body. People have needs and desires, people have issues - what right do we have to determine what they are/aren't allowed to do with their own bodies? People can have sex with whoever they choose. It may damage relationships, etc, but people do reserve that right.
Yes I'm serious. Nobody has the right to have sex with whoever they want. Read the sentence back and consider how it sounds "
People have the ability to do anything they want - whether they should do it is another matter |
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"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right.
What?!? Are you serious? Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants with his/her own body. People have needs and desires, people have issues - what right do we have to determine what they are/aren't allowed to do with their own bodies? People can have sex with whoever they choose. It may damage relationships, etc, but people do reserve that right.
Yes I'm serious. Nobody has the right to have sex with whoever they want. Read the sentence back and consider how it sounds
People have the ability to do anything they want - whether they should do it is another matter "
I think the point was people can do whatever they want, they just can’t do it with/to whoever they want as that other person also has rights. Everything needs to be consensual.
And with regards to the OP, if you forgive for a 2nd time what will it take for you to walk away? The message you’re sending is that it doesn’t matter how much he hurts you because you will always forgive him. A first time may be forgivable as everyone makes mistakes but we should all learn by our mistakes.
Lou x |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
I've found the best way to deal with these things is to reverse roles.
If you had done the same thing hea done, would he put up with it?
The answer to that question will help you decide.
I personally would get rid |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, you’re both swinging as a couple and as singles and now he’s swinging as a single without your knowledge?
First world problems eh "
Interesting take on ‘with permission’. |
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"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right.
What?!? Are you serious? Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants with his/her own body. People have needs and desires, people have issues - what right do we have to determine what they are/aren't allowed to do with their own bodies? People can have sex with whoever they choose. It may damage relationships, etc, but people do reserve that right.
Yes I'm serious. Nobody has the right to have sex with whoever they want. Read the sentence back and consider how it sounds "
Wow! We may aswell leave the disagreement there! Lol. |
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"He has a right to have sex with whoever he wants. If he chooses to use that right, and if it offends you, then move on. X
He absolutely does not have that right.
What?!? Are you serious? Everyone has a right to do whatever he/she wants with his/her own body. People have needs and desires, people have issues - what right do we have to determine what they are/aren't allowed to do with their own bodies? People can have sex with whoever they choose. It may damage relationships, etc, but people do reserve that right."
Classic example of somebody not understanding relationships, both swinging and vanilla. |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"So, you’re both swinging as a couple and as singles and now he’s swinging as a single without your knowledge?
First world problems eh
Interesting take on ‘with permission’. "
I never made any comment on the actual situation - just a comment on the things people worry about |
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?
It's not what we agreed.
I realise I sound like a hypocrite by having this profile, but there are reasons for it, and it was done openly and honestly. It is also usually hidden.
"
I had an issue with my partner (we both have single and a couple profile) a few years ago that nearly broke us. As a single older man it's hard to get meets so he hooked up for a quickie one afternoon with an old friend. I sensed something was up & caught him out. It was cheating because a) she wasn't on fab. B) he kept it from me. Its cheating when you don't share.
Swinging is about honesty as a couple... |
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
My advice dump the guy, find a someone that will treat you right, sorry to have been blunt but i had a lady friend who's partner was playing around when she finally confronted him it had been going on since they met. stay strong hun xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It sounds like you both have a different interpretation of what your relationship is.
If it was me, I would walk away. By giving him a 3rd chance, you are teaching him that his behaviour is acceptable.
If it doesn't enhance your life, it detracts from it.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
Do you think maybe he gets a thrill from being naughty? |
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By *edLad44Man
over a year ago
southendj |
"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
The most important thing, trust, do you still have it ? About the relationship, with no trust you have nothing, hope it all works out for you both, if not its sad, 5 years is a long time |
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I can't say, as only he can share with you - if he is willing to - what's behind his potential deceit and what the future of you together could be.
I would not let it lie, if I was not satisfied with his response or the relationship situation - everything would stop, until I'd be satisfied or it finished.
It sounds a bad place to be in after so many years, so you do deserve to know everything and for him to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously. "
If you only see him a few times a month, he isn’t the father of any of your 3 kids and won’t commit, move along.
After 5 years, if he hasn’t decided you are his everything then it really isn’t worth your emotional investment.
Just a guy’s view.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally I wouldn't air it on here
You both need to shut up shop and establish rules. If he's done this he's obviously craving attention for me that could be signs of issues within the relationship or it could be pure innocent
Discuss it with him because in the end someone is going to have their confidence and trust knocked. Swinging in a relationship isn't exactly easy it isn't for every couple prehaps there could be a clash of desires. Again this is for you to discuss.
(a males point of view) "
this 100% great advice no need to air on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I suppose it depends on how you feel about them doesn't it.
I love him. He's my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him in it.
On the other hand, I can't stand the way I feel right now and I never want to feel like this again..but I suspect I will."
He is replaceable as are all broken relationships.
Time to move on and find someone more compatible and that can actually spend real time with you. Imo
Or just suck it up accept this how your relationship will be and carry on . I have a friend same situation but she is so weak willed and can’t walk away . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m not surprised you feel gutted, it takes them utmost of trust to be on here as a couple and he’s broken that with the deception.
Might be an idea for you both to come off here whilst you decide how you want to proceed with the relationship or if you both do, sounds like he’s maybe having second thoughts. |
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Time for complete honesty, if you are hurt by a profile and kik messages imagine how you would feel knowing he has met someone
Sit down and talk, I’d recommend both coming off fab and having a break from swinging concentrating on the relationship and in the future making rules if you do want to swing together, no single profiles just the couple one and limit the time you spend on fab
If he is willing You could still have a future together |
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I was in a situation similar to this 5 or 6 years ago.
When you're in a shit relationship it's difficult to acknowledge how bad it actually is until you step out of it.I look back now and think why the hell did I put up with that for so long?
Yes it's painful to part after any length of time together, but from experience if you choose to stay it is very unlikely things will change or improve.
Dont waste any more of your time. Walk away. You deserve better.
|
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
When somebody has shown that they are not trustworthy, unfortunately, for me personally I can't ever trust them again. I can try to paper over cracks but there is never going to be the faith that I I once had in a strong foundation together.
To be personally, once there is evidence of sexual deceit, I have no other path than to let them go.
I know as people get through things and find a way, personally I don't have that option in my mental resources. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The best advice I have ever read on the forum, when I was in a similar-ish position to you, was: "Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option".
Sending a hug OP x |
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"Personally I wouldn't air it on here
You both need to shut up shop and establish rules. If he's done this he's obviously craving attention for me that could be signs of issues within the relationship or it could be pure innocent
Discuss it with him because in the end someone is going to have their confidence and trust knocked. Swinging in a relationship isn't exactly easy it isn't for every couple prehaps there could be a clash of desires. Again this is for you to discuss.
(a males point of view) "
This best advice you will get
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What spurred you into going looking? Or did you drop on the profile by accident?
I see myself in your story. I look Back and am embarrassed at myself for the lies I believed and the things I put up with. I think added to the cruelty Is the fact you’re sat waiting on him coming home and can’t go see him (with him working away) so he holds power like 80/20.
Swinging should augment a relationship not cause a worry to it. Please - Move on (I know the thought breaks your heart) find someone who worships you and you can share every detail with. Rainbows always come after a storm.
God bless you. I know it’s not easy xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem? Exactly this. Double standards!!!! "
But he was aware of this profile? That’s the difference |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The best advice I have ever read on the forum, when I was in a similar-ish position to you, was: "Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option".
Sending a hug OP x"
This is so true!.... As the saying goes actions speak louder than words sometimes! If you do have a chat together he could say all the right things to make you feel better but if his actions don't change.....
What is your gut instinct?...really listen to how you feel deep down....you probably know what it is you need to do without all the suggestions and opinions of us lot!
Life is too short to stay with someone you can't trust and who doesn't make you feel happy, or someone that you see so infrequently who isn't ripping your clothes off the minute you walk through the door!!
Good luck with having the conversation you know you have to have!
PT x |
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?
Because there was deception involved. He did it on the sly, thus making the OP question if he is trustworthy."
Couldn't have said it better ourselves. |
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?
Because there was deception involved. He did it on the sly, thus making the OP question if he is trustworthy.
Couldn't have said it better ourselves. "
I’ve lost count of the messages I’ve had from the man of a couple that’s instantly been deleted, just as bad in my eyes |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
If it was me I be asking him some questions
The first would be do u find me sexually attractive n why dont we have sex
The second would be y the sneaky profile and y are u looking for sex when I'm here
As far as the trust is concerned will u ever trust him again as there nothing worse than being in a relationship n your always questioning and looking over your shoulder
Plus if your looking elsewhere for sex as he not giving it u makes me think that he prob not right for u as for that reason is that a reason to swing
Hope u sort it |
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"I'm gutted. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.
He says he hadn't met anyone, I read the messages and I think that's probably true. But he was trying to.
Am I mad trying to put it behind us? Second time I've caught him online messing around. First one was a not so sexy video on Kik.
Been together 5 years. He won't commit obviously.
Depends on how you value trust, honesty and respect.
You say he did it before.
Did he not learn his lesson??"
Of course he did. He learned he could get away with it.
|
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"The best advice I have ever read on the forum, when I was in a similar-ish position to you, was: "Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option".
Sending a hug OP x"
This has haunted me all week. |
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No way defending him - nobody can make a judgement from a post on fab.
However someone makes a good point it could be innocent, just a porn thing, likes the banter but never actually doing anything (think plenty of people could vouch for the cancelled meets from guys like this who just using fab as wank material)
However - again not defending him, but plenty are quick to make him out as the bad guy, his actions clearly aren’t maybe good. But you say you see him a couple of times a month, then go on to say he’s involved with your kids and Met his family as if it’s some major committed relationship - yet the statements don’t fit together, not being funny but is it perhaps you relationship is actually just an illusion of what you wish/desire it is vs what in reality it really is. The fact may be you need a reality check and actually switch off the desire to be in a relationship and the illusion you’ve created to actually really asking asking if you were single and happy would this be vision of a relationship? You seem him once in a blue moon, don’t have sex and are both on here, then make statements like your trying to convince us it’s the greatest ever love story - “he’s involved with my kids” think my kids have seen the lollipop man more than your man!
Simply you should be having the conversation with him - but equally taking a reality check at what you want out of life and not what you think society/social media or is in films. This is a swinging site - but a relationship is more than sex and swinging - and a few phone calls a day a couple of visits in a month doesn’t appear to me to be one! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’d leave sweet, you don’t want to be another 5 years down the line regretting that nothing has changed and he’s done it several times.
It’s hard but just remember how it felt when you first found out about it all, move on and find what you are looking for with someone that will give you the time, commitment and respect you deserve. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You've "caught" him being less than honest twice, seems to me you have zero trust as you feel the need to monitor him. Given this and the fact that he doesn't want sex with you and "won't commit", I have to question why you are trying to maintain the illusion of a committed sexual relationship with this man, it seems you are not on the same page at all.
Why set yourself up for pain? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?"
Absolutely right.
You two are swingers and surprised of him swinging?
I do understand that the matter was you wanting both of you to be clear. Yet, as swinging carries a kind of meaning of cheating (in the terms that you go with someone who is not your partner, regardless knowing it) I would always beware of someone who swings |
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"No way defending him - nobody can make a judgement from a post on fab.
However someone makes a good point it could be innocent, just a porn thing, likes the banter but never actually doing anything (think plenty of people could vouch for the cancelled meets from guys like this who just using fab as wank material)
However - again not defending him, but plenty are quick to make him out as the bad guy, his actions clearly aren’t maybe good. But you say you see him a couple of times a month, then go on to say he’s involved with your kids and Met his family as if it’s some major committed relationship - yet the statements don’t fit together, not being funny but is it perhaps you relationship is actually just an illusion of what you wish/desire it is vs what in reality it really is. The fact may be you need a reality check and actually switch off the desire to be in a relationship and the illusion you’ve created to actually really asking asking if you were single and happy would this be vision of a relationship? You seem him once in a blue moon, don’t have sex and are both on here, then make statements like your trying to convince us it’s the greatest ever love story - “he’s involved with my kids” think my kids have seen the lollipop man more than your man!
Simply you should be having the conversation with him - but equally taking a reality check at what you want out of life and not what you think society/social media or is in films. This is a swinging site - but a relationship is more than sex and swinging - and a few phone calls a day a couple of visits in a month doesn’t appear to me to be one!"
no need to add more this post says it all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?
Absolutely right.
You two are swingers and surprised of him swinging?
I do understand that the matter was you wanting both of you to be clear. Yet, as swinging carries a kind of meaning of cheating (in the terms that you go with someone who is not your partner, regardless knowing it) I would always beware of someone who swings"
Dear lord
Couples (as I’m sure single people do) have boundaries.
He has crossed those boundaries. This isn’t what they agreed on. He is going behind her back.
If my husband did it I’d be absolutely fuming. He wouldn’t get a second chance to do it again.
What was the outcome? Please say you’ve chucked him. He clearly doesn’t respect you at all. |
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By *he macMan
over a year ago
inverness |
Don't understand why he'd want a separate profile if you have both swung? If you have a relationship that is open, honest and free to explore fantasies together why would he want to do something on his own? No reason to be dishonest to you and you shouldn't put up with it |
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By *4nc3rCouple
over a year ago
Clacton-On-Sea, Essex |
I'm confused by the part where you said he's not very sexual with you, so you went looking
I mean.. It doesn't feel like either of you are particularly on the same page here |
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If he is doing stuff behind your back then i would take it as you're not in a relationship, or at least not the one you want if you want trust and honesty.
Act like you're single for a while and see how you like that? That's what i do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So its "ONLY" alright for you to have a single woman profiles and enjoy your sex life while in your head he should be the one to stay committed to the terms of your relationship. Where is the justice here...like seriously.... |
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"So its "ONLY" alright for you to have a single woman profiles and enjoy your sex life while in your head he should be the one to stay committed to the terms of your relationship. Where is the justice here...like seriously...."
Don' think swinging is the issue here. OP said he was doing stuff behind her back. |
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"Your on here as a woman.
Swinging.
He's on here as a guy.
Swinging.
It's a swinging site.
What's the problem?
Absolutely right.
You two are swingers and surprised of him swinging?
I do understand that the matter was you wanting both of you to be clear. Yet, as swinging carries a kind of meaning of cheating (in the terms that you go with someone who is not your partner, regardless knowing it) I would always beware of someone who swings"
Your so wrong .. if you are a couple and have rules then going outside of those is wrong...
Yes they are both swingers and that takes trust..which is obviously now lost.
Op.. It's almost impossible to get the trust back but it's your choice x |
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By *ightLeeCouple
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Personally I wouldn't air it on here
You both need to shut up shop and establish rules. If he's done this he's obviously craving attention for me that could be signs of issues within the relationship or it could be pure innocent
Discuss it with him because in the end someone is going to have their confidence and trust knocked. Swinging in a relationship isn't exactly easy it isn't for every couple prehaps there could be a clash of desires. Again this is for you to discuss.
(a males point of view) "
Completely agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would like to think for the original poster it would have depended on the situation they have with each other. We all know it is a swinging site and not a sex site but sex comes with swinging lol thanks for the reminder |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The Male half of couples looking elsewhere seems the norm on here, well at least in my limited experience it is......
Could be females too but I dont seem to have attracted any of those.
Dogs with two dicks springs to mind  |
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