FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Try not to take it personally.......
Try not to take it personally.......
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As we're all painfully aware the numbers game on here works heavily against the vast majority of single blokes. Today I've had (for some unknown reason) the most people ever to look at me in a day (20 with an hour of the day still to go), but not a single wink or message.
That being so you might think I'm about to have a moan, but not so. It really brings it home that we need to be respectful of the fact that we're not going to appeal to everyone, no matter how much we try, or how great our profile may be. We should never need to take it personally if we're not someone's cup of tea. It's not a slur on us as men, but a silent statement that we're just not what floats their particular boat.
I cringe when I hear of guys getting nasty when they don't get what they want. The mark of a man is to take it on the chin and don't over think it. I've not floated the boat of 100% of those who looked at me today, but while I'm no Adonis I know I'm not a complete munter either. It's just personal taste, so don't let it get you down fellas. Getting an arse on isn't going to change their minds after all.
Just saying.
Cheers!
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Very well written OP & a good reminder to us all. Although we're on the site for women only, I'm a woman myself & know for a fact that someone having the view/attitude you do would appeal far more than those without! |
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"Very well written OP & a good reminder to us all. Although we're on the site for women only, I'm a woman myself & know for a fact that someone having the view/attitude you do would appeal far more than those without!"
Thank you - was hoping it wouldn't come across as condescending.  |
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"Very well written OP & a good reminder to us all. Although we're on the site for women only, I'm a woman myself & know for a fact that someone having the view/attitude you do would appeal far more than those without!
Thank you - was hoping it wouldn't come across as condescending. "
There's bound to be someone who may think that (this is a forum afterall) but as long as you're happy with your intention, you have no control over how others take it! |
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"I concur! I have had exactly the same thoughts on many occasions.
And just to rub a bit o' salt in, just think how many have their profiles set to 'stealth' mode !  "
You may well be right mate. Whether it gives any chance of success or not it's nice to even be given the slightest opportunity. If no one looks you've no chance really. |
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"Very well said, there are many that should take a leaf out of your book
Stay classy
Oh and I’m one of those stealth mode buggers  "
I'll sure try. I'd like to think I may have been viewed that way once or twice! A guy can fantasise.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very well said, there are many that should take a leaf out of your book
Stay classy
Oh and I’m one of those stealth mode buggers
I'll sure try. I'd like to think I may have been viewed that way once or twice! A guy can fantasise. "
I did have a sneaky peak  |
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"Very well said, there are many that should take a leaf out of your book
Stay classy
Oh and I’m one of those stealth mode buggers
I'll sure try. I'd like to think I may have been viewed that way once or twice! A guy can fantasise.
I did have a sneaky peak "
Well thank you very much! |
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"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants  "
Blimey - and with a profile like that! Us mere mortals are always going to struggle that being so - fabulous photos too! |
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"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants
Blimey - and with a profile like that! Us mere mortals are always going to struggle that being so - fabulous photos too! "
Thanks we're too old and too niche. It's fine |
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"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants
Blimey - and with a profile like that! Us mere mortals are always going to struggle that being so - fabulous photos too!
Thanks we're too old and too niche. It's fine "
Well you look fabulous, so has to count for a lot! |
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"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants
Blimey - and with a profile like that! Us mere mortals are always going to struggle that being so - fabulous photos too!
Thanks we're too old and too niche. It's fine
Well you look fabulous, so has to count for a lot! "
Oh stop it......
No don't
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By *DFL6828Man
over a year ago
Leicester |
My views have gone up recently, but don't get messages from anyone outside of the people who are on my friends list... And it really dose not bother me 1 bit anymore.. I am who I am and the way I look isn't to everyone's taste.. And I really don't care, cos this look is what I want.
If people want to look at me (they will see that their is very little on my profile and that's done on purpose) and not send me a message then crack on cos i will do the same and look at them and send no message.. |
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"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants
Blimey - and with a profile like that! Us mere mortals are always going to struggle that being so - fabulous photos too!
Thanks we're too old and too niche. It's fine
Well you look fabulous, so has to count for a lot!
Oh stop it......
No don't
"
Always happy to give compliments where they're due! Yum! |
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"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants
Blimey - and with a profile like that! Us mere mortals are always going to struggle that being so - fabulous photos too!
Thanks we're too old and too niche. It's fine
Well you look fabulous, so has to count for a lot!
Oh stop it......
No don't
Always happy to give compliments where they're due! Yum! "
Well, thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've had over 200 views and no messages and we haven't got arsey either. That's a lot of cups of tea that nobody wants "
The cups of tea made me giggle
OP, we had just over 160 views yesterday and also no winks. One message though that we weren't a match with. So yeah, no need to take anything personally.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As we're all painfully aware the numbers game on here works heavily against the vast majority of single blokes. Today I've had (for some unknown reason) the most people ever to look at me in a day (20 with an hour of the day still to go), but not a single wink or message.
That being so you might think I'm about to have a moan, but not so. It really brings it home that we need to be respectful of the fact that we're not going to appeal to everyone, no matter how much we try, or how great our profile may be. We should never need to take it personally if we're not someone's cup of tea. It's not a slur on us as men, but a silent statement that we're just not what floats their particular boat.
I cringe when I hear of guys getting nasty when they don't get what they want. The mark of a man is to take it on the chin and don't over think it. I've not floated the boat of 100% of those who looked at me today, but while I'm no Adonis I know I'm not a complete munter either. It's just personal taste, so don't let it get you down fellas. Getting an arse on isn't going to change their minds after all.
Just saying.
Cheers!
"
Very well written totally agree with you |
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I think some people look at your profile and then because it shows on who's looked at me people expect you to send them a message...
I have loads of people just wink at me (100s a day) then another couple of hundred look at me and some people look at my profile every couple of hours. I think they're expecting a message but they aren't going to get one. Lol
Not that I'm opposed to speaking to a guy. If I'm at a club and I'm interested in someone I'll make the first move so to speak.
I think the online world is just so much more harsh for some people. I think a lot of people feel like they don't need to make an effort because we're online and they can say whatever with no consequences. That also transfers to people being much more picky. If I'm not sure about them I'll ask them to come to a club so I can scope them out in person. But if someone sends me a nice message then chances are they'll get a reply. |
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"OP surely you've had more views than normal because you had a thread asking people to critique your profile"
No, most were prior to that. I put it down to the bank holiday and more people looking to be active,nothing more |
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Hello op,
Nice well written opening statement, and a refreshing change from the daily whinges that are seen on hear.
Stick with it, get involved, shrug stuff off and remain positive. You'll soon attract attention. |
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"OP surely you've had more views than normal because you had a thread asking people to critique your profile
My first thoughts entirely  "
Wasn't the intent - I put it down to being a bank holiday, but it was what made me think. |
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"Hello op,
Nice well written opening statement, and a refreshing change from the daily whinges that are seen on hear.
Stick with it, get involved, shrug stuff off and remain positive. You'll soon attract attention."
Thank you! |
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"Could the 20 views in a hour be down to your post about profile advice? Hence why no mail as you have requested your profile be looked at. Just a thought "
Some were after that, but most before it. I put it down to being a bank holiday and people being more active. Almost certain some were down to the previous post though I'd agree. |
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Totally agree with you OP.
The difficulty of being a single man on Fab is convincing someone that you aren't one of 'those' guys. A couple of female friends have shown me the kind of nonsense they've had to put up with from men on here, so I have a good understanding of why women are as wary as they are.
However, the women I've met who've got to know me have been so completely worth it, so Fab for me has been a pretty positive experience. |
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"Totally agree with you OP.
The difficulty of being a single man on Fab is convincing someone that you aren't one of 'those' guys. A couple of female friends have shown me the kind of nonsense they've had to put up with from men on here, so I have a good understanding of why women are as wary as they are.
However, the women I've met who've got to know me have been so completely worth it, so Fab for me has been a pretty positive experience."
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"Totally agree with you OP.
The difficulty of being a single man on Fab is convincing someone that you aren't one of 'those' guys. A couple of female friends have shown me the kind of nonsense they've had to put up with from men on here, so I have a good understanding of why women are as wary as they are.
However, the women I've met who've got to know me have been so completely worth it, so Fab for me has been a pretty positive experience. "
20 views ? Wow id hazard a guess you resembled someone on last nights crimewatch |
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"Totally agree with you OP.
The difficulty of being a single man on Fab is convincing someone that you aren't one of 'those' guys. A couple of female friends have shown me the kind of nonsense they've had to put up with from men on here, so I have a good understanding of why women are as wary as they are.
However, the women I've met who've got to know me have been so completely worth it, so Fab for me has been a pretty positive experience.
20 views ? Wow id hazard a guess you resembled someone on last nights crimewatch "
Funnily enough....... |
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We see a lot of single guys complaining that "people don't meet" on this site. It's simply not true.
There ARE lots of single guys, and yes a good number are a waste of time, but that just means good quality guys stand out.
Not everyone is attracted to everyone, OP your attitude is spot on, don't take it personally, the right people will want to meet you!
We get quite a number of views every day but very often don't get a wink or a message. That's totally OK - searching for good people is part of the fun of the site. |
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"We see a lot of single guys complaining that "people don't meet" on this site. It's simply not true.
There ARE lots of single guys, and yes a good number are a waste of time, but that just means good quality guys stand out.
Not everyone is attracted to everyone, OP your attitude is spot on, don't take it personally, the right people will want to meet you!
We get quite a number of views every day but very often don't get a wink or a message. That's totally OK - searching for good people is part of the fun of the site."
Totally agree both - would be a strange dynamic if everyone met everyone else. |
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"Here here!!
Well said although i do like a good moan as often as possible
I'm sure you have no shortage of quality takers! X"
I wish.. am a club swinger only.. so get that puts a lot of people off.. but not going too let it stop my fun! |
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"Here here!!
Well said although i do like a good moan as often as possible
I'm sure you have no shortage of quality takers! X
I wish.. am a club swinger only.. so get that puts a lot of people off.. but not going too let it stop my fun! "
Rightly so. They're missing out. Often a good way to get to know people properly, along with good organised socials. Xxx |
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"Haha this happens to us on a daily basis, yesterday was 240 and one wink from a fella but that don't deter us 4 years 2 meets and still loving fab, for that one time you find what you're looking
Bravo! That's exactly it. Happy with that! "
Got to love a trier and we do try lol  |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
"As we're all painfully aware the numbers game on here works heavily against the vast majority of single blokes. Today I've had (for some unknown reason) the most people ever to look at me in a day (20 with an hour of the day still to go), but not a single wink or message.
That being so you might think I'm about to have a moan, but not so. It really brings it home that we need to be respectful of the fact that we're not going to appeal to everyone, no matter how much we try, or how great our profile may be. We should never need to take it personally if we're not someone's cup of tea. It's not a slur on us as men, but a silent statement that we're just not what floats their particular boat.
I cringe when I hear of guys getting nasty when they don't get what they want. The mark of a man is to take it on the chin and don't over think it. I've not floated the boat of 100% of those who looked at me today, but while I'm no Adonis I know I'm not a complete munter either. It's just personal taste, so don't let it get you down fellas. Getting an arse on isn't going to change their minds after all.
Just saying.
Cheers!
"
All fair points - you get the feeling that no one is good enough for some |
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"
I have loads of people just wink at me (100s a day) then another couple of hundred look at me and some people look at my profile every couple of hours. I think they're expecting a message but they aren't going to get one. Lol
Not that I'm opposed to speaking to a guy. If I'm at a club and I'm interested in someone I'll make the first move so to speak.
"
The way I use the wink function, and the way in which I assume it's meant to work; if I were to wink at you, you would then look at my profile and pics and if you liked what you saw, wink back at me. With your nod of approval I would then craft a witty and insightful message. But if you don't return the wink I would assume that you're not particularly interested.
Basically it's a way to avoid the worst cut and paste opening messages or indeed even waste time composing a good message for someone that isn't interested in hearing from you. |
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