FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Am I doing it wrong?
Am I doing it wrong?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey all, so I've been here a while and had only a couple of meets, I always send polite messages and seem to match what the people are after but then don't get a reply?
So I chanced my arm today and sent a dirty message and got a reply go figure!
If someone could check my profile and tell me what I need to approve that would be much appreciated |
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Patience. Don't read the guides either. People on the forums seem to like giving advice but are closed minded generally. I'm like the forum police.. Only better because I actually meet people!
For me it's more about the nature of the message. You have to think women get hundreds of mails a day so what makes you stand out? For me an honest first message will do it for me. And someone who has taken time to read (as I'm told a lot) my long profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately there is not a magic bullet, patience, good messages and attending socials help. Sometimes it's just luck, I have had offers to meet on the day and taken them up and missed some. Keep going |
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It's not terrible but also doesn't say too much - though I'd be a bit perturbed by your insistence of being anyone I want you to be. I see you mean well by stating this, emphasising your overall flexibility and being amenable and sensitive to others needs... But it may be a bit too much emphasis in the way that you have done. It could hint at someone who is a pushover, possibly too desperate to please or more.
I think instead you could emphasise and clarify the specifics of you in a way that sells you and makes the vague or imagined, more concrete. Generally I think it's good to have people appreciate certainty, rather than be left feeling unsure - people feel good if they fully grasp something but less so when they don't. It's not about them knowing everything about you from a quick read as the allure or tease of the unknown is still an attractive force.
Imo having public photos is near essential for single men on fab. People don't rush to message invisible men here, they have thousands of others who show themselves that they will move on to instead. You're going to find it tough to become established - it's standard for men. Your approaches therefore have to work against that factor. Have your profile so that if the right person views it at any time, they'll see something and grasp what you are about, even if you had never messaged them. They would then be in a position where they'd take a decision upon pursuing things with you or.not.
Good luck  |
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"I can't see anything wrong with your profile though I woukd prefer a few public pics to help tempt me in.
What type of pictures?
I'm guessing she'd like lots of leg pictures  "
I do have a thing for thighs.
If you are referring to my profile pics however thats different. I only post lower half pics of my self due to my mastectomy scars. I don't have the confidence in myself as yet to post upper half pics. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"I can't see anything wrong with your profile though I woukd prefer a few public pics to help tempt me in.
What type of pictures?
I'm guessing she'd like lots of leg pictures
I do have a thing for thighs.
If you are referring to my profile pics however thats different. I only post lower half pics of my self due to my mastectomy scars. I don't have the confidence in myself as yet to post upper half pics. "
I just thought you had a thing for legs seeing as your's are so great, thought youd appreciate that from others.
I've got a few scars too - learnt to love them as they are part of the history of my life; each one telling a story and (some) carrying reminders of how I fought my way back to fitness |
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"I can't see anything wrong with your profile though I woukd prefer a few public pics to help tempt me in.
What type of pictures?
I'm guessing she'd like lots of leg pictures
I do have a thing for thighs.
If you are referring to my profile pics however thats different. I only post lower half pics of my self due to my mastectomy scars. I don't have the confidence in myself as yet to post upper half pics.
I just thought you had a thing for legs seeing as your's are so great, thought youd appreciate that from others.
I've got a few scars too - learnt to love them as they are part of the history of my life; each one telling a story and (some) carrying reminders of how I fought my way back to fitness"
Fair enough
I'm still working on that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Patience. Don't read the guides either. People on the forums seem to like giving advice but are closed minded generally. I'm like the forum police.. Only better because I actually meet people!
For me it's more about the nature of the message. You have to think women get hundreds of mails a day so what makes you stand out? For me an honest first message will do it for me. And someone who has taken time to read (as I'm told a lot) my long profile. "
Just ignore her OP. She's a forumite giving advice, but is better
Jokes aside OP, the forums represent only about 2% of fab and most have similar views and they've been repeated often enough and only represent forumites thinking.
The upside is there are far far more who don't engage but just read what you or I say and depending on how we come across, how we handle ourselves on here when cross examined, kicked at or whatever some like to do as they've little else to do most the day, will like or dislike us. This I feel speaks far more than a face pic or a well written profile. It can bring our truer self out.
For me at my age, the use of my status doesn't reach very far due to age filters. The only thing is the forum IMO. And I can make a balls up of that at times.
 |
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You probably have no chance, like virtually any guy on here. The girls just dont seem to be interested and delete/ignore 99% of messages. You just have to accept you'll probably never get another meet. |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
This site is hard work to be frank. You just have to keep trying but the odds are against single guys.
Women read your messages and don’t reply - that’s how it is. They don’t tell you why or give any feedback of any kind. It’s just the way of the world.
It’s a buyer’s market. |
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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago
Stockport |
"You keep your admin in order ?
As in always trimmed etc
So "admin" is a euphemism for public hair ?"
I thought he might be a part time accountant and was offering help
(not actually read his profile so he might be  )
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"This site is hard work to be frank. You just have to keep trying but the odds are against single guys.
Women read your messages and don’t reply - that’s how it is. They don’t tell you why or give any feedback of any kind. It’s just the way of the world.
It’s a buyer’s market. "
All of my messages to women are either ignored or read then ignored. If they dont answer, surely that means they aint intetested? So why leave them? At least if they are deleted you know they dont want to meet. Leaving them gives you false hope that they will reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This site is hard work to be frank. You just have to keep trying but the odds are against single guys.
Women read your messages and don’t reply - that’s how it is. They don’t tell you why or give any feedback of any kind. It’s just the way of the world.
It’s a buyer’s market. All of my messages to women are either ignored or read then ignored. If they dont answer, surely that means they aint intetested? So why leave them? At least if they are deleted you know they dont want to meet. Leaving them gives you false hope that they will reply. "
I've just taken it a stage further and if read and ignored after 48 hrs I just assume not interested and I block and move on.
Creates for interesting conversations if I meet them at socials.  |
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By *arkb73Man
over a year ago
Cheshire/Staffs |
The best reply is - “you’re not my type” - get that a hell of a lot.
I know it’s a nice way of saying “fuck off ugly” but it’s a very damning statement.
Just for fun, I question them on it - they have very little to say usually lol |
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"Deleting messages takes time. I never bother. You dont have time to press the delete button?
300 times a day ? It adds up !"
so your message section is filled with hundreds of read or ignored messages? (thousands maybe?) |
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"Patience. Don't read the guides either. People on the forums seem to like giving advice but are closed minded generally. I'm like the forum police.. Only better because I actually meet people!
For me it's more about the nature of the message. You have to think women get hundreds of mails a day so what makes you stand out? For me an honest first message will do it for me. And someone who has taken time to read (as I'm told a lot) my long profile. "
What this lady says, it is down to how you word your message.
Also for me it is about being yourself not what the other people want. |
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"Deleting messages takes time. I never bother. You dont have time to press the delete button?
300 times a day ? It adds up !so your message section is filled with hundreds of read or ignored messages? (thousands maybe?) "
I have just sent you a pic to show I have 233 unread messages. |
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