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My partner
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So! I am in a relationship, it's been 3+ years, I love him with all my heart. But we don't have sex, well we do but it can be months between times. I need more, I was on here before and I love the meets I had, he knows I was on here too. I want him to join me or let me have ff on my own,don't think he'd go for mf. But what if he says no, I don't think I can go on like this, maybe love isn't enough.
Anyone been through something similar?
Thanks |
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My ex and I had sex around 3/4 times in 6 years. It killed my self confidence and made me feel like shit. I ended up having an affair and falling for someone who gave me the physical attention I’d craved for years. It destroyed our relationship. |
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By *ea_CoffeeCouple
over a year ago
Near Kettering |
That's a question only you yourself could ever answer as were all different.
I (Mr.) can't answer your question but I can empathize with your situation having been in a very similar situation myself.
I would suggest talking to him and trying to find out if there is a reason for his lack of sex drive and even suggest a quick MOT from the doctors to see if there is something zapping his drive or energy. |
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You need to talk about it and be very very honest.
I'd always recommend writing it all down for your partner and leaving it for them to read while you go out.
You cant argue with a piece of paper.
Then discuss it when you return.
Good luck |
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I completely understand. After being in a near sexless relationship for a long time I eventually snapped and went after what I wanted. In truth I wish we had discussed it more. Maybe a FB would have worked? In the real world though FBs who partners are aware of rarely work. |
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"So! I am in a relationship, it's been 3+ years, I love him with all my heart. But we don't have sex, well we do but it can be months between times. I need more, I was on here before and I love the meets I had, he knows I was on here too. I want him to join me or let me have ff on my own,don't think he'd go for mf. But what if he says no, I don't think I can go on like this, maybe love isn't enough.
Anyone been through something similar?
Thanks "
The only way you'll find out what his answer is will be by talking to him. The advice given to men in your situation is to respect a no answer and let the matter drop, I don't agree with that. If sex is important to a person there needs to be a mutually agreed solution and the only way to achieve that is by talking.
Love is never enough, hard work, communication, compromise and putting up with crap are all required too. |
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I'm in this situation, rarely have sex with the wife as her sex drive is just so low. Not cheated on her but something needs to be done about it as I'm getting a touch frustrated.
I'm going to take the advice already offered and talk to her (again) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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why don't people talk anymore ??? we talk all the time from the day we met and still now we talk so open and freely to each other .... I could have never married a man I could not have talked to and hubs feels the same ...talk talk and talk its the only way.
hugs and best of luck op xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking from experience you both have to be on the same page and it has to be something you both want because it can cause so many arguments if your not on the same page
Mrscxxx |
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Yep! I’ve been in that situation!
We always talked, and was always open and honest about how I felt and what I needed. Nothing got through to him! As like some of the people above, we hardly had sex, it was so fucked up, that when he was horny he would go and have a shower.. and wank in there while I was next door in the bedroom!!
Believe me I tried so dam much, you say it, I tried it! In the end I realised I needed to be happy. So at the time i went looking for a one night, then clubs came up, and after that, I realised I didn’t love him! So we ended things.
Took me a while, and still getting over things, but your happiness comes first. All I’d say is be honest, open and if that doesn’t, give him an ultimatum. Remember there are socials you can take him to!!
Honesty is key.. as long as your honest, no matter how hard, it’ll turn out better in the long run x |
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By *avlewisMan
over a year ago
pontlottyn |
I’m going through the same thing, my wife isn’t interested in sex at all. I can’t get enough of it. I’ve tried to spice things up by introducing sexy underwear for her, we have watch porn, I have suggested we be more experimental, e.g gropes in public and maybe a flash. But it fails she freaks out if I touch her and she gets so miserable at times.
When we are with friends she’s the life and sole of the party. I often feel that she doesn’t find me sexually attractive and it knocks your confidence as a man.
We have tried talking about it, it never gets sorted tho.
If anybody has any advice I’d appreciate it.
Hope you get it sorted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk to him! What will be will be but trust/honesty/openness is the foundation of a relationship in my eyes. That’s too big a thing to keep quiet about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the passion is gone and cannot be rekindled then friends or room mates is what you become. That might be ok to some people. But, a relationship is a situation of mutual benefit. If you no longer benefit then you have a right to change your situation.
You don't have to be beholden to anyone just because you have history. |
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"Get rid. If the person won't fuck they're worthless. 
Hmmm.... think I'll take the other advice 1st thanks.....
Just cheat on him then. Win win
 "
Thought trolls spent their time on Twitter and Facebook. |
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As has been said communication is the key.
Rather than suggesting new kinky ways of having sex though (I feel this would only heap pressure on someone already struggling to enjoy sex), you really need to understand why their libido has decreased.
There could be a multitude of reasons, work stress, a physical issue, trauma from a recent or past event.
It could also be down to a loss of attraction, it can be hard to hear, but sometimes when we get comfortable in a relationship we put less effort into our appearance than at the start.
What ever it is once you understand the reason it gets you closer to a solution.
I would also say that love is more than affection. You can love someone as much as you like, but part of love is sharing and if they will not share their feelings and thoughts, it may be that love is not reciprocal or at least not balanced enough.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get rid. If the person won't fuck they're worthless.
Hmmm.... think I'll take the other advice 1st thanks.....
Just cheat on him then. Win win
Thought trolls spent their time on Twitter and Facebook."
It's been 3 years and nothing has changed. I'm not being harsh, it's reality. If you're happy the way you are then stay together.
If not, you're young. Change it and find someone you can be yourself with. And be happy. |
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I have to agree with the above comment.
If it has been that long and it is doing nothing for you then why hang around.
It might sound harsh however only you can fix the problem.
By continuing the relationship that "You" yourself are not happy in your, making your own life suffer as well as you unaware partner.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult situation, talk and find out what the issues are. Make time for sex. It could be he's tired, stressed with work, busy home life can limit opportunities. Good luck op |
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"As has been said communication is the key.
Rather than suggesting new kinky ways of having sex though (I feel this would only heap pressure on someone already struggling to enjoy sex), you really need to understand why their libido has decreased.
There could be a multitude of reasons, work stress, a physical issue, trauma from a recent or past event.
It could also be down to a loss of attraction, it can be hard to hear, but sometimes when we get comfortable in a relationship we put less effort into our appearance than at the start.
What ever it is once you understand the reason it gets you closer to a solution.
I would also say that love is more than affection. You can love someone as much as you like, but part of love is sharing and if they will not share their feelings and thoughts, it may be that love is not reciprocal or at least not balanced enough.
"
Well said! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been on the other end my partner plays and I don't ...I love sex just have not wanted to play so more ..Partner has made a big mistake and met up on several occasions with the same lady and even gone away for work taking her without telling me and It hurt like crazy ..the trust has gone which then makes sex with him even harder..I'm still really trying to forgive and move on and ..If he had told me from beginning I might have had my reservations but I would have had more respect for him being honest..Please talk and listen to each other ..playing can only work if your both on same page |
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"My ex and I had sex around 3/4 times in 6 years. It killed my self confidence and made me feel like shit. I ended up having an affair and falling for someone who gave me the physical attention I’d craved for years. It destroyed our relationship."
That kind of story is always sad to hear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m going through the same thing, my wife isn’t interested in sex at all. I can’t get enough of it. I’ve tried to spice things up by introducing sexy underwear for her, we have watch porn, I have suggested we be more experimental, e.g gropes in public and maybe a flash. But it fails she freaks out if I touch her and she gets so miserable at times.
When we are with friends she’s the life and sole of the party. I often feel that she doesn’t find me sexually attractive and it knocks your confidence as a man.
We have tried talking about it, it never gets sorted tho.
If anybody has any advice I’d appreciate it.
Hope you get it sorted "
You need to stop putting her under pressure by trying to spice things up for a start. Try talking about it again, there will be a reason, it may be medical, it may be about you and hard to hear, but only by giving her the security she needs to be totally honest will get to the root of the problem.
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As has been said communication is the key.
Rather than suggesting new kinky ways of having sex though (I feel this would only heap pressure on someone already struggling to enjoy sex), you really need to understand why their libido has decreased.
There could be a multitude of reasons, work stress, a physical issue, trauma from a recent or past event.
It could also be down to a loss of attraction, it can be hard to hear, but sometimes when we get comfortable in a relationship we put less effort into our appearance than at the start.
What ever it is once you understand the reason it gets you closer to a solution.
I would also say that love is more than affection. You can love someone as much as you like, but part of love is sharing and if they will not share their feelings and thoughts, it may be that love is not reciprocal or at least not balanced enough.
Spot on!
"
|
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This thread resonates with me. Sometimes the other person doesn’t want to talk about it. Isn’t open enough with her feelings. Won’t admit there’s anything wrong. I will also admit that it can make you feel totally unwanted.
Sex is some of the glue that can keep a relationship together. When the glued melted the relationship can easily split apart. |
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