FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > For all the men who are 'struggling' on here.

For all the men who are 'struggling' on here.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It's bloody harder for women.

I've seen so many threads from men in the forums about how they're struggling to get replies. Everyone always has the standard reply - "be patient OP, it takes single men a while on here/single men outnumber women 10,000 to 1/go to clubs etc instead of relying on a meet from on here (which kind of defeats the purpose of signing up to meet new people)". No one's getting to the root of the problem -" what kind of messages are you sending?"

I know most of the men on here would gladly fuck anything (I'm stereotyping but let's face the truth here) but women generally don't tend to give it away to any Tom, Dick or Harry. NSA or not, we generally like to wait until we come across someone who'll really knock our socks off - not just in bed or in the looks department, but (and this is what most men don't seem to understand) with their WORDS. The amount of men either not putting in any effort to their messages/being abusive when you reject them/being just plain disrespectful from the off literally means the bar has been set SO low that it baffles me how some men just don't seem to understand that about a minute's worth of effort goes a long way.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

1. "hey, how are you?". Perfectly pleasant and something you'd say to your mate if you saw them on the street. But it won't get you a reply because if I take the time to say "good thanks, you?" it will inevitably lead to a couple of boring one line messages bouncing back and forth then fizzling out. Trust me guys, this one's tried and tested - to fail.

2. "standard cut and paste job advertising man's traits/personality". I personally dislike these kind of universal 'one and dones' because they just make it super obvious you haven't bothered to read my profile. I thought about what to write on there for a long time in order to make it informative and entertaining yet not War and Peace and the fact it's being ignored makes me Not Happy. Also these types of messages make it all about the man as they hardly ever ask anything about me - how am I supposed to reply to a message full of information but no questions?

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

5. Weird fetish/abusive shit. Not that I want to call anyone's fetishes weird but sometimes you just don't want to be asked to leave your knickers in a secret location, let a stranger cum on them and go and put them back on, you know? Likewise for all the breeders out there - you can offer me child support for 18 years all you like but that doesn't make it any less weird.

6. "Hi, how are you? I've read through your profile and it seems to me we may be looking for the same thing. I really like the bit where you said *insert good bit here*. I also really love your pictures, especially the one where *insert respectful description of picture*. My *tasteful profile with lots of interesting information about me and classy pics* will tell you a little more about me, but I'd be happy to answer any more questions you have if you feel like getting to know each other further? ". THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE HOLY F*CKING GRAIL. READ IT AND THEN READ IT AGAIN. AND ANOTHER TIME FOR GOOD MEASURE. Bonus points for any (good) jokes or puns if they're in relation to her profile/pics.

Bearing in mind also that about 80% of all these messages come from profiles with all their pics set to friends only/no profile text/photos of about 20 different angles of the same cock. Paired with a shit message, how are we meant to be able to fancy anyone off that?!

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Anyway, my point is, it's not a case of women having their pick of the cream of the crop. Trust me, speaking for myself once I've filtered through that lot it can take me just as long as it takes single men on here to get a meet. I guess the only reason I don't really mind that is because I know I wouldn't feel good about myself if I'd met up with someone I didn't really fancy or hadn't put the effort into treating me with respect - yes, even for NSA.

In any case, thank you for listening to my ramblings. If you've made it to the end you deserve a freaking medal but I hope my personal perspective is of at least some help to you guys who are 'struggling'

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By *ornyhornytwoCouple over a year ago

Bradford

Good post. And actually doesn't just compares to single women or couples seeking single people. This applies to couples too. A well thought out message with a good profile does stand out on here.

We might have a lot of pictures and our profile may seem very in your face to a lot of people but when we read messages it's people that explain who they are and what they want and what they have to offer what stand out. End of the day your communicating via messages and you have to be able to show your both interesting and interested enough to meet without relying on just a picture because there's thousands more willing to send a picture x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Completely hit the nail on the head!!

I've been trying to explain this to people but I have not managed to make it sound this good lol

Very well written and copied the link for future reference

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Spot on ..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax. "

I'm still interested in some of the men that message me, at no point have I said they're ALL bad... Besides, some good'uns could slip through the net this way!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Brilliant post OP. Saved the thread link to my clipboard.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Great post! Especially about the bar being sooooo low.

You know the type of men it's referring to won't read it though, right?!

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By *revaunanceCouple over a year ago

Exeter

"Great post! Especially about the bar being sooooo low.

You know the type of men it's referring to won't read it though, right?!

Well they don't read profiles, so why would they read the forum?

Good post OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lol

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By *tephTV67TV/TS over a year ago

Cheshire

Absolutely spot on and yes, I’ve seen all of those messages in my inbox as well. Often from straight guys.

I’ve actually put on my Profile, due to the types of messages you quoted, that all decent messages will get a reply. And I do reply.

Funnily enough as I was reading your post Op, just got a half decent message appear

not the usual ‘Hi u ok’ or ‘meeting’ or just... ‘fancy a fuk’

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

even as a male I've noticed a lot of posts with this sort of thing... and have even talked to other swingers about the air of arrogance around some m members. its same as doing a meet face to face in a way be nice and be curtious

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Great post! Especially about the bar being sooooo low.

You know the type of men it's referring to won't read it though, right?!

Well then they won't be getting laid anytime soon!

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Cheers OP. A very interesting and informative read!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Great post!!

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By *iverpool LoverMan over a year ago

liverpool

"You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax.

I'm still interested in some of the men that message me, at no point have I said they're ALL bad... Besides, some good'uns could slip through the net this way! "

This kinda negates the part where you said women have it harder than guys on here.

Yes women get hundreds of BS messages a day so i do feel for you there but guys not getting any messages at all in weeks or months even when they write somthing worthwhile.

I know out of the two scenarios which one id prefer.

So nope no way do women have it worse than guys on here. Sure they can have at bit of a hard time sorting through the crap from the good but thats better than nothing at all which is what majority of men get

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By *cottish guy 555Man over a year ago

London

An excellent post op. You give lots of helpful and insightful advice for those considering messaging you.

The amount of crap we get sent on our couples profile is often staggering. Hopefully this will lead to you getting a better standard of introductory messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/05/19 17:41:03]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax.

I'm still interested in some of the men that message me, at no point have I said they're ALL bad... Besides, some good'uns could slip through the net this way! "

Youve a good point on shite messages, though I disagree on your ratio comment in i think the ratios are a factor. Not all the men will get a meet if they heavily outnumber women and couples, regardless of message quality.

Supply outstrips demand

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Meh...I like those that send shit messages. Makes it easier for me to ignore the message. I'm a lazy bitch so the less reading I have to do the better. Carry on the way you are please guys. Self filtering works brilliantly.

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By *rimtonMan over a year ago

Bromley

So you message guys you like.

That’s good. But can I ask-

Your message you send , does it just say ‘hi’?

Like literally 99% of first messages I receive from females.

If not, great -go you

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax.

I'm still interested in some of the men that message me, at no point have I said they're ALL bad... Besides, some good'uns could slip through the net this way!

This kinda negates the part where you said women have it harder than guys on here.

Yes women get hundreds of BS messages a day so i do feel for you there but guys not getting any messages at all in weeks or months even when they write somthing worthwhile.

I know out of the two scenarios which one id prefer.

It's a shame you feel that way because I'd definitely message you if I lived closer

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So you message guys you like.

That’s good. But can I ask-

Your message you send , does it just say ‘hi’?

Like literally 99% of first messages I receive from females.

If not, great -go you"

Nope. I send out messages I wouldn't mind receiving myself. A lot of the time I don't get replies either, but then not everyone likes bigger girls and I'm okay with that because I like me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe you could supply an example of what kinda message guys should send

Just so your rant is in some way constructive

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"An excellent post op. You give lots of helpful and insightful advice for those considering messaging you.

The amount of crap we get sent on our couples profile is often staggering. Hopefully this will lead to you getting a better standard of introductory messages. "

Thank you but I'm not holding my breath for better messages haha. I just had nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon than sit down and get all that off my chest

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Maybe you could supply an example of what kinda message guys should send

Just so your rant is in some way constructive "

No. 6 on the list x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe you could supply an example of what kinda message guys should send

Just so your rant is in some way constructive

No. 6 on the list x"

Woops...I never spotted it

And I wouldn't respond to one like that. It's too mechanical sounding

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have never read anything on here that sums up my feelings so well

It should be something every new member is forced to read before being allowed access to the site.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We haven't had any problems with men on here to be honest, our profile basically says we don't message people we haven't met in clubs and most men have respected that.

Our worse offenders are couples with .... Want to meet now?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe you could supply an example of what kinda message guys should send

Just so your rant is in some way constructive

No. 6 on the list x"

You do think op that loads of women will get no 6. As a cut n paste job hehe

Mind you if they get a reply theyd return to corse bollocks messages

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

An excellent post OP, unfortunately I think you're mostly preaching to the perverted, oops I mean converted

, here - the type of guys that will send all but the last of your message types are largely going to fall into the type that won't read the forums, or if they do won't take the time to read, and digest, your post or pay any heed to it.

What I have found over my time here is there are men that "get" it and those that don't - for the most part those that don't never will, but will still bemoan their "luck" and seek to blame anything but themselves for their lack of "success".

Meanwhile for those that "get" it, the number imbalance pretty much disappears and they just go about their Fab business quietly and having a great time, because they're doing all the right things, such as sending the last kind of message you refer to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the weeks to come all the women are going to be hit with loads of no 6 messages hahaha

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We haven't had any problems with men on here to be honest, our profile basically says we don't message people we haven't met in clubs and most men have respected that.

Our worse offenders are couples with .... Want to meet now?

Damn I should have included the "meet now" messages on the list!! I mean, give me a chance to shave my legs and put some lippy on - if I turned up to a meet as is most times there's no way they'd still want to fuck me haha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We haven't had any problems with men on here to be honest, our profile basically says we don't message people we haven't met in clubs and most men have respected that.

Our worse offenders are couples with .... Want to meet now?

Hahaha!!!!

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

P.S. Will my medal be sent by post or courier?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In the weeks to come all the women are going to be hit with loads of no 6 messages hahaha

God I hope not. How dull and unimaginative

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/05/19 17:59:55]

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By *cottish guy 555Man over a year ago

London

"An excellent post op. You give lots of helpful and insightful advice for those considering messaging you.

The amount of crap we get sent on our couples profile is often staggering. Hopefully this will lead to you getting a better standard of introductory messages.

Thank you but I'm not holding my breath for better messages haha. I just had nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon than sit down and get all that off my chest

And if I may be so typically male in my response, you have a wonderful chest to get things off

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Maybe you could supply an example of what kinda message guys should send

Just so your rant is in some way constructive

No. 6 on the list x

Woops...I never spotted it

And I wouldn't respond to one like that. It's too mechanical sounding "

I didn't mean it has to be EXACTLY that, I just meant it as a guideline. The sender has made it clear they've read your profile and seen your pics, they've thought about how their own profile comes off and have made it possible for you to reply to the message by offering for you to ask questions about them or talk more about yourself. It doesn't have to be word for word what I've written but in my opinion it's a good starting point for those who struggle to come up with interesting messages by themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"An excellent post OP, unfortunately I think you're mostly preaching to the perverted, oops I mean converted

I totally understand your point but this wasn't aimed so much at the people who message me but rather those who post in the forums saying they're finding it hard on here - and there's a lot of them. I thought if I explained the reason why I don't personally like certain types of messages it might help them look at where they could improve.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As for who has it worse? The answer is no-one, they just face different frustrations - however they can easily be alleviated by changing approach and attitude, along with expectations.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/05/19 18:07:39]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In the weeks to come all the women are going to be hit with loads of no 6 messages hahaha

God I hope not. How dull and unimaginative

Don't worry, they'll revert back to crude messages if they get a reply

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"An excellent post OP, unfortunately I think you're mostly preaching to the perverted, oops I mean converted

Oh I know exactly where you were coming from and your intent

My point, was mainly that the type of person that *should* read your post and take it in, are sadly the type that won't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 07/05/19 18:07:39]"
What's wrong with a bit of ping pong at the start of a series of messages? Sometimes that is how we men are approached so if we choose to respond to a hi or how are you? We may answer I am well, then being polite ask how are you? Do people not have time for small talk, where it's applicable?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Great post! Especially about the bar being sooooo low.

You know the type of men it's referring to won't read it though, right?!

Well they don't read profiles, so why would they read the forum?

Good post OP

Exactly.

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By *robinsonMan over a year ago

Alton

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Can 100% say this does not work. I must have messaged over 50 women now using point 6 and at best I get a 3 word response which the usually lasts for a conversation of about 3 messages. Sorry to have to say this but the women on here expect everything from a man and are prepared to give nothing...

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By *Man1263Man over a year ago

Stockport

Can I add, I always try to use something from the profile and or status update.

However, when that profile is just "x" with no status update, that can be quite difficult to do.

Also, you may spend alot of time thinking of new and different message's but with the amount that you ladies get, they just get lost in the mass (and I understand that most just don't have the time to answer 50/75/100 message's a day).

But I might also be in the low percentage as I am reading this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Well i made it to the bottom and i agree. I will stick to my guns of being polite cos i think if ya change how you act you attract things that aint for you.

Im def the polite message 1 kinda thing and it does take time but a good connection is worth it in my opinion..

Anyway when can i expect my medal ?? x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Love your post OP x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Great post OP

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By *oupleforfun31Couple over a year ago

Bradford

The standard single female bio filler of "send me something interesting" is such a cop out.

100% of meets on this site are picture driven, so a long thought out message is a waste of time.

Plus for a single guy to stand any sort of chance of meeting anyone they have to send 100s of messages.

Who has time for a personally crafted message for everyone they send to?

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By *nnocentimesMan over a year ago

over there by that tree

One of my lady friends showed me some of the things she received, I was truly shocked and utterly despaired at what guys were sending.

The trouble is it’s the Greek waiter(stereotyping massively) mentality - for every 99 that say no, ignore, block etc, 1 will say yes and by default in their tiny little brains makes it acceptable to carry on with that behaviour.

How these chaps manage to get through the day is absolutely baffling.

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By *esires of HertsCouple over a year ago

Herts and London Borders

"The standard single female bio filler of "send me something interesting" is such a cop out.

100% of meets on this site are picture driven, so a long thought out message is a waste of time.

Plus for a single guy to stand any sort of chance of meeting anyone they have to send 100s of messages.

Who has time for a personally crafted message for everyone they send to? "
--- totally true!

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By *rx1Couple over a year ago

Torridge area of Devon

Great post OP. To be honest it is not just from guys, it is a general all round thing. We/ I message guys and other couples and quite often get nothing back or just a Hi.

Saturday my hubby set me a task and asked me to go through the browse section and message 10 guys within a certain distance that profile wise seemed to fit with our preferences.

2 messaged back, with lovely messages, but informing me they have beards. ( ok so that was a chance I took, without seeing facial pictures and that is fair enough)

3 others just replied with Winks. 2 others just deleted and the others have been read unanswered.

Our message were complimentary to their profiles, approx 3-4 lines long, I offered to send face pictures if they were interested....

Is it the sign of the times, or is it a Fab’s decline. It hasn’t always been like it here.

It appears Fabs is like fast food...rushing and moving on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Bang on OP. People wouldn't get away with some of the horrid messages we receive here in real life.

It's like because it's online it's acceptable. We have just resorted to instant blocking now. It's not what we want to do, it have no choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry OP but yet another rehash of all the advice that is given out on a regular basis and is by and large ignored by the majority of men on here.

I also have to argue about the validity of the argument of how difficult it is to meet for women.

Women have the unenviable task of finding someone who ticks all their boxes.

Men have to find someone willing to meet them.

Fair play to you for putting it out there, but MsGivesWood and many others have an extensive "advice section" in their profile, which gets ignored.

I have no axe to grind, points to score or fair maidens to impress on my mighty steed.

What you have done is given tjose of limited capacity for independent thought a great template to hide behind, allowing men to charm their way to first meet before revealing their true selves. You may feel you have helped the sisterhood (or the brotherhood by giving them pointers) but let Darwinism take it's course and let the idiots filter ourselves out of the running.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Damn, we so wanted to cut and paste number 6 and insert exactly the quoted info. But alas, out of age range so cannot even tongue in cheek micky take xx

Good post though

"Hi, how are you? I've read through your profile and it seems to me we may be looking for the same thing. I really like the bit where you said *insert good bit here*. I also really love your pictures, especially the one where *insert respectful description of picture*. My *tasteful profile with lots of interesting information about me and classy pics* will tell you a little more about me, but I'd be happy to answer any more questions you have if you feel like getting to know each other further? ".

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

Fabulous post OP xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Absolutely spot on.

If I received a message like number 6 I’d be far more likely to reply, even when not interested because I’d see they’ve really made an effort & may have picked me for several reasons rather than just I’m convenient and they’re horny.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax.

I'm still interested in some of the men that message me, at no point have I said they're ALL bad... Besides, some good'uns could slip through the net this way!

This kinda negates the part where you said women have it harder than guys on here.

Yes women get hundreds of BS messages a day so i do feel for you there but guys not getting any messages at all in weeks or months even when they write somthing worthwhile.

I know out of the two scenarios which one id prefer.

I would much rather no messages at all, than some of the abuse I get.

Racial abuse, wishing death & r*pe on me, threats, making several profiles to call me all names under the sun.

I’m never rude, or abusive, I don’t reply to those I’m not interested in and if I do it’s always polite.

Getting no messages at all is far better than this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Absolutely bang on OP!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

They’re not attracted to you then, that’s most likely why it’s not working for you.

Although that message is perfect, if you don’t have the look they’re looking for, your message won’t matter will it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Rant on

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By *irl1234xxxWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I get loads of really nice messages, I then look at the profile and there’s a really ugly cock pic and it puts me right off. It’s an instant delete. That’s just me. Some cock pics are nice but very few.

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By *irky_coupleCouple over a year ago

kirky

Couples as well I'd suggest. For the small amount of mail we receive from other couples(drier than the Sahara tbh) the lack of thought in both the message and their profiles just makes us think it's not worth the hassle. Used to be a laugh on here when we first joined but it seems to be getting monotonous recently. New profiles that are obviously guys playing at couples, here today and gone tomorrow or a list of demands but nothing else to even start to make conversation about.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

The bottom line is that although anyone with a vagina as part of their reportoire (mf couple or woman) has to wade through a lot of crap, you can pretty much get sex with someone decent ish (not perfect perhaps, but OK) when you want. That's our experience.

Men, less so.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

" Can 100% say this does not work. I must have messaged over 50 women now using point 6 and at best I get a 3 word response which the usually lasts for a conversation of about 3 messages. Sorry to have to say this but the women on here expect everything from a man and are prepared to give nothing..."

50 different women in 4 weeks would suggest to me that you're taking a scattergun blanket bomb approach, rather than just picking out people you find a particular attraction/connection to - which is actually what I said in a thread you posted a week ago but you appear to have ignored, along with some of the other very good advice given by many in that, and other threads you have posted.

In case you missed it here's what I said a week ago:

"Can I respectfully suggest that if you've messaged "30 or more people" in your three weeks here that you're providing an indication that you're not particularly fussy and are just blanket bombing any one within a certain radius in the hope of getting a response, and I suspect that the messages you send may be the problem?"

Maybe go back to that thread now the dust has settled and review - there was some excellent advice offered which you at the time got an attitude about but which You'd do well to follow

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I get a couple of hundred message a week (more on a busy week), but I can speed read and I can generally tell from the first line whether a message is worth opening or not.

Site works for me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So you message guys you like.

That’s good. But can I ask-

Your message you send , does it just say ‘hi’?

Like literally 99% of first messages I receive from females.

If not, great -go you"

You know all those are actually guys don’t you? Pretty much most women would make more effort. Otherwise they wouldn’t bother at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 07/05/19 18:07:39]What's wrong with a bit of ping pong at the start of a series of messages? Sometimes that is how we men are approached so if we choose to respond to a hi or how are you? We may answer I am well, then being polite ask how are you? Do people not have time for small talk, where it's applicable?"

Not when there’s 100 of you nuggets asking that. I’ll go for the person who has put a bit more effort so that we can get to the meat more quickly every time.

If I wanted to waste hours making meaningless small talk with strangers I could gatecrash a random wedding reception. I’d get fed and wstered then too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have received some foul and sleazy messages on here, do they seriously expect a reply.

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By *aster of OralMan over a year ago

suffolk

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Great post. X

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By *entakuruMan over a year ago

Exeter

The reason the vast majority of openers are bland is because there's a massive change they'll be ignored, often unread. A bland opener is better than no opener, it's an invitation to the recipient to look at the sender's profile and respond if they actually want to talk. Then the conversation can begin properly.

And I'm guessing googling a list of 'best openings' and copy pasting them won't do a guy any favours after.

I find a simple 'liked your profile, would you be up for chatting' with a face pic works best for me. If the answer is 'yes', on with the witty repartee. If no answer is forthcoming then obviously there's no attraction there anyway.

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By *irl1234xxxWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Every day, 100 messages that say -

“Hey”, or “how are you?” Or “what you up to?”

Imagine replying to all of those!

Then there’s the “straight in with the crude shit” guys - delete

Or “can we meet?” Like straight away, first message!

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By *ittleAcornMan over a year ago

visiting the beach

I'm afraid I'm struggling to feel too sorry for you OP!

My gender, location and age are against me. I have given up messaging (unless I'm in a very optimistic mood).

The return on investment is way too low for me.

(that must be worth a pity shag)

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By *uliaChrisCouple over a year ago

westerham

I did make a slightly similar thread a few weeks ago that didn’t go down too well - you have written it much much better (round of applause).

My bet however be that not much will ever change... the sort of men who really should read and understand all this won’t bother.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message"

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Get those right, and it won't guarantee a thing of course, but your experience of the site will be enhanced no end.

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By *irl1234xxxWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message"

That’s not true, I think Jason Mamoa is rank.

I have really weird taste.

I’m sure every woman has very different taste too, just like guys do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree men have to be attractive to get laid on here and women could be a 1/10 get 500 messages in a day but that's because 90% men fuck anything I'm in the 10% who has startards

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And I know based on how many straight men ask me for sexs on here easily get over 80messages a day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Epic rant

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"As for who has it worse? The answer is no-one, they just face different frustrations - however they can easily be alleviated by changing approach and attitude, along with expectations."

Great reply my friend

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Get those right, and it won't guarantee a thing of course, but your experience of the site will be enhanced no end."
attitude,approach & expectations? You do realise that you are talking total bollocks if you aint got a buff bod & tall & handsome you will not get any replies at all!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" I agree men have to be attractive to get laid on here and women could be a 1/10 get 500 messages in a day but that's because 90% men fuck anything I'm in the 10% who has startards "
i agree spot on i too am in that 10%

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you happen to work in recruitment?

"“Hi, how are you? I've read through your profile and it seems to me we may be looking for the same thing. I really like the bit where you said *insert good bit here*. I also really love your pictures, especially the one where *insert respectful description of picture*. My *tasteful profile with lots of interesting information about me and classy pics* will tell you a little more about me, but I'd be happy to answer any more questions you have if you feel like getting to know each other further? ".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

That’s not true, I think Jason Mamoa is rank.

I have really weird taste.

I’m sure every woman has very different taste too, just like guys do."
all women want a ripped superstud fact!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The BEST post I've ever read on here!

Very kind of you to give very helpful guidance for a lot of lonely men getting nowhere on here.

Which is NO JOKE

This post will help a lot of guys to understand what to do and hopefully spread some happy much needed fun

Good on you missus!

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Get those right, and it won't guarantee a thing of course, but your experience of the site will be enhanced no end.

attitude,approach & expectations? You do realise that you are talking total bollocks if you aint got a buff bod & tall & handsome you will not get any replies at all!"

I'd respectfully suggest that my verifications indicate otherwise

Or are you suggesting I am tall, handsome and have a buff bod? If so, thank you very much, but can I recommend a visit to Specsavers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Good point well argued

but seriously i think this will be of great help to a lot. Ive only had a few meets and you can never really tell what may or may not catch someones attention in a message. They have all been slightly different. You either come up with the right thing or you dont and if you do then hoepfully they like enough about your profile to dig a little further. I kind of enjoy the fact its not quite that easy all the time. Makes me want to put more effort in to those who do take interest.

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By *cottish guy 555Man over a year ago

London

"Epic rant

In the nicest possible way I would have to disagree. It is a well written observation making some rather valid points regarding messaging someone on here regardless of gender

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Epic rant

In the nicest possible way I would have to disagree. It is a well written observation making some rather valid points regarding messaging someone on here regardless of gender "

Thanks but it definitely wasn't meant as a rant haha, more of an epic thought ramble. I'm not meaning to dig anyone out in particular, it's just observations I've made during my personal experiences here and my word is definitely not gospel. I have seen a lot of men asking for help getting meets and replies in the forums and have noticed that not many people are telling them to look at the messages they're sending so thought I'd try to impart some of my so-called wisdom

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By *wholeLotOfRosieWoman over a year ago

Pontypridd

"attitude,approach & expectations? You do realise that you are talking total bollocks if you aint got a buff bod & tall & handsome you will not get any replies at all!"

Gemini man does well here and has the veris to prove it and back up the advice he has given.

If you actually believe your own words, that women are only after looks, why are you still here? And why are so many average looking guys doing well on here?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

yes you are right in what you are saying! but at least you get messages and have the choice to pick and man do not as a rule still hope you succeed.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"yes you are right in what you are saying! but at least you get messages and have the choice to pick and man do not as a rule still hope you succeed. "

Yes women in general get a lot more messages - but if you look at it in terms of quality rather than quantity and compare it with quality messages that men who "get" the site receive I'll bet the balance is a lot more even.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"attitude,approach & expectations? You do realise that you are talking total bollocks if you aint got a buff bod & tall & handsome you will not get any replies at all!

Gemini man does well here and has the veris to prove it and back up the advice he has given.

If you actually believe your own words, that women are only after looks, why are you still here? And why are so many average looking guys doing well on here? "

Thank you - that's kind of you to say

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message"

I need to get my CV into some Hollywood Agency then if that's the case. I could be the next Khan Drogo or Avenger or something.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan over a year ago

Aylesbury

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message"

I wish this was true, then I'd might just feela bit better about myself. Alas I know this isn't true.

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By *arren the doggerMan over a year ago

willenhall

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Wow ....after all that is guys may as well give up.

I've had a few 1 to1 meets off here but have more success in clubs and adult cinemas.

It's difficult for blokes as a few dick heads spoil it for genuine guys.

(Any ladies need a licking? ). Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Get those right, and it won't guarantee a thing of course, but your experience of the site will be enhanced no end. attitude,approach & expectations? You do realise that you are talking total bollocks if you aint got a buff bod & tall & handsome you will not get any replies at all!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is why I don’t message many women on here. I’m not jumping through hoops to feed someone’s ego.

Wow there was really a 6 point instruction on exactly what to say? Quite rude.

I’ll speak naturally, how I always do. And I’d never dream of telling others how to act.

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By *r and Mrs A HornyCouple over a year ago

coventry

Great post nice read too xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is why I don’t message many women on here. I’m not jumping through hoops to feed someone’s ego.

Wow there was really a 6 point instruction on exactly what to say? Quite rude.

I’ll speak naturally, how I always do. And I’d never dream of telling others how to act. "
defeats the object of be yourself dont it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Having had a look at your profile text I'd say it's not your looks that are the problem... Also you messaged me privately JUST to say you disagree with me as well as putting it on here. So yeah, I'd agree you could definitely work on your attitude and approach at least. "
i just say it like i see it if thats the wrong approach to take then everybody may aswell be functional mutes its silly whatever happened to be yourself & be honest i guess thats now a thing of the past & see you mentioned looks so you have completly contradicted yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Having had a look at your profile text I'd say it's not your looks that are the problem... Also you messaged me privately JUST to say you disagree with me as well as putting it on here. So yeah, I'd agree you could definitely work on your attitude and approach at least. i just say it like i see it if thats the wrong approach to take then everybody may aswell be functional mutes its silly whatever happened to be yourself & be honest i guess thats now a thing of the past & see you mentioned looks so you have completly contradicted yourself

Wow, it's like talking to a brick wall. Except the wall's somehow managed to twist my words completely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This is why I don’t message many women on here. I’m not jumping through hoops to feed someone’s ego.

Wow there was really a 6 point instruction on exactly what to say? Quite rude.

I’ll speak naturally, how I always do. And I’d never dream of telling others how to act. "

Congrats on missing the point entirely mate, quite the achievement

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is why I don’t message many women on here. I’m not jumping through hoops to feed someone’s ego.

Wow there was really a 6 point instruction on exactly what to say? Quite rude.

I’ll speak naturally, how I always do. And I’d never dream of telling others how to act. "

It’s not really an instruction, just advice if anything. And some men seem to have appreciated which says a lot about them.

I don’t use this site to have someone feed my ego, it doesn’t need feeding firstly, and I doubt many other women do. If that’s how you feel women are in here, maybe somewhere else would be more suited, where you don’t get the vibe that women need men to feed their ego.

Getting hundreds of messages a day from men saying “Fancy a fuck”, “Let me slam that hole” or telling me how gorgeous I am even though it’s probably the 25th time they’ve said it in the last hour, doesn’t feed many ego’s I’d assume.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Epic rant

In the nicest possible way I would have to disagree. It is a well written observation making some rather valid points regarding messaging someone on here regardless of gender "

Absolutely agree.

I think those who see it as a “rant”, probably feel a bit attacked & are taking what she said personal.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would like to say I find it staggering some of the Male responses on this thread, but I don’t.

Why are people so stupid to think that they can get what they want with little or no effort?

If someone is getting lots of messages, why do you think your generic, badly worded, grammatically poor, one or two sentence message is going to jump out the pile and grab the ladies interest?

I feel sorry for the level of shit messages women have to put up with. One lovely lady gives us some pointers as she’s bored of what same on generic crap which tell her nothing about you and you have he audacity to complain.

I suspect that fits with your ‘I always know best attitude’ which I imagine limits you in other areas of your life rather than continuously trying to learn and improve.

From me, thank you ladies for sticking with fab through all the crap and trying to be constructive with forum posts like this.

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By *udistnorthantsMan over a year ago

Desborough

This medal that I deserve, OP.... does it come Court Mounted or is it a loose Swinger?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Is it heck as like!! I'm neither Jason Mamoa or any other buff stud and I'm perfectly happy with the way things have worked out for me via the site.

It comes down to three things and three things only....

Attitude

Approach

Expectations

Having had a look at your profile text I'd say it's not your looks that are the problem... Also you messaged me privately JUST to say you disagree with me as well as putting it on here. So yeah, I'd agree you could definitely work on your attitude and approach at least. i just say it like i see it if thats the wrong approach to take then everybody may aswell be functional mutes its silly whatever happened to be yourself & be honest i guess thats now a thing of the past & see you mentioned looks so you have completly contradicted yourself

Wow, it's like talking to a brick wall. Except the wall's somehow managed to twist my words completely. "
so if my attitude & approach of if it happens it happens is wrong then what is the right attitude & approach voz can i just say i have had a couple of meets & i am a nice guy but it feels like to me that & this is just my opinion that women expect more than just approach & attitude & that looks are the main factor i could have the best profile & send the best messages with the best attitude & approach possible & still get no replies as i just dont have the look that 99.9% of ladies look for so in summary it dont matter what you do or how nice you are you still get jack shit its life at the end of the day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Epic rant

In the nicest possible way I would have to disagree. It is a well written observation making some rather valid points regarding messaging someone on here regardless of gender

Absolutely agree.

I think those who see it as a “rant”, probably feel a bit attacked & are taking what she said personal."
i agree some people are a little more sensitive than others me included but i dont think its a personal attack i just dont agree that looks dont play as big a part as people let on but i do respect that we all have an opinion & have a right to say what we feel we are all human

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan over a year ago

stockport wasteland

I agree with your rant, I like me a woman that will stand up like this and definitly would love to find out any other views you have on matter of men on here ladies so feel free to pm me about these man issues. Love hearing about these things and like the conversation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I also would like to add & many men may agree with me that i find it difficult to talk to women anyway as its hard to find any common ground & i get nervous too & im socially awkward so for some men we see women as aliens & scary ones at that lol i mean no offence by the way ladies just saying it like i see it

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan over a year ago

stockport wasteland

"This is why I don’t message many women on here. I’m not jumping through hoops to feed someone’s ego.

Wow there was really a 6 point instruction on exactly what to say? Quite rude.

I’ll speak naturally, how I always do. And I’d never dream of telling others how to act. "
its advice mate, in which alot of men need, not all men are good at getting women's attention or couples attention

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By *jonesMan over a year ago

Plymouth

Good post, I would say I try crafting well thought out individual messages and it’s very time consuming and you’ll be lucky to get a response, simply due to the numbers ladies receive. This then drives you to shorter (but still polite) less tailored messages. Also some profiles may say very little. Saying that your tips are good ... thx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've had great conversations and sex with men who said hi.

It also depends on the woman they are messaging.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Of course, you could follow every bit of advice on here and still have all your messages deleted unread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like your lipstick

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"You could, if you feel this way is to block all men, then just look up guys yourself and message them, and because you've initiated contact they can negate the filter and reply!

Make yourself a cuppa and relax.

I'm still interested in some of the men that message me, at no point have I said they're ALL bad... Besides, some good'uns could slip through the net this way!

Supply outstrips demand

Not a whinge on my part, but this is true - though I definitely agree it must be tough for the ladies as well, just in a different way.

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By *heHookyMonsterMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"It's bloody harder for women.

Let me put it into perspective by sharing the contents of my inbox, in order of frequency:

3. "ur pics r so hot bbe". Thanks, but I already knew that.

4. "I want to do 'x' and 'y' to you". This is NEVER hot coming from a literal stranger. Just don't... Don't do this.

And let it also be known that I regularly search for men I like AND message them, before someone tries calling me out for saying men have to make all the effort.

Thanks for taking the trouble to post this OP. It's reassuring to know I'm at least doing the right things, despite it still being incredibly rare to get a reply. Being one of the guys who does hope to be emotionally intelligent enough to make a genuine and heartfelt effort to create a connection and not be lazy it can be should destroying, which is why I've all but given up on Fab. At least I know it's not my approach that's wrong. Ty. Xx

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By *ibblingnewtWoman over a year ago

by the sea

Great post

But I’d still not be attracted, need the most amazing message by the most amazing person

All else is just chat really and quite boring when you see so many much the same really

I normally post the introductory message for it to work

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course, you could follow every bit of advice on here and still have all your messages deleted unread."

Agreed, this is just one persons advice that probably only works for them. I don’t understand why people think men have to carefully read and tailor every message to suit the recipient, this very very rarely works and is a waste of time. Keep the opening message simple, 99% of the time you won’t get a reply anyway

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think us females make too much effort into our profiles with pics and text.

When all the shit, no identity profiles come my way, I cut back on the pics.....

Problem solved... Lol

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By *jonesMan over a year ago

Plymouth

Communicating online , unless it’s simply going by the look of someone (which is also important) is, I think, a really tough way to establish rapport. Particularly in the Fab world. If any guys are struggling I can strongly recommend going to a organised social where people can actually talk. It’s well worth the effort, even if you have to travel, and they are not that common. It’s worth a lot of messages on here.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Are you speaking on behalf of ‘all ladies’ or just yourself? The ‘wanna fuck’ approach probably doesn’t work very often but each to their own??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

You been on here moaning ladies dont reply and its down to looks. No mate, its down to things like your status right now which reads " Any ladies wanna fuck tonight" Thats why your not getting replies. Your welcome."
even if my status said netflix & chill id still get ignored anyways so it dont matter what you put on your status i couod put hanging out with the queen no body cares

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/05/19 09:38:22]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This seems hard work to read to me....

I'm an ugly git so who cares...

But I can't be bothered to moan about it...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fyi i get no replies coz i dont have the "look" ladies want if you are such an expert why dont you tell me what to put in my status then will definately get me a reply

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By *ibblingnewtWoman over a year ago

by the sea

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Spot on

I’m not looking for anyone based on looks

Got to be an awesome personality

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fyi i get no replies coz i dont have the "look" ladies want if you are such an expert why dont you tell me what to put in my status then will definately get me a reply

I think the OP ment well but imagine if a man had started a thread titled ‘to all women who are struggling ‘ then made a list of things women should do , he would get accused of being arrogant and entitled

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Spot on

I’m not looking for anyone based on looks

Got to be an awesome personality

Fair enough, would you meet someone with an ‘awesome personality ‘ without seeing a photo

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By *reelanderMan over a year ago

rotherham

Good post,na does any women out there wana fuck

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Are you speaking on behalf of ‘all ladies’ or just yourself? The ‘wanna fuck’ approach probably doesn’t work very often but each to their own??"

Maybe not all, but definatly most.

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By *ollydoesWoman over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

You been on here moaning ladies dont reply and its down to looks. No mate, its down to things like your status right now which reads " Any ladies

wanna fuck tonight" Thats why your not getting replies. Your welcome. even if my status said netflix & chill id still get ignored anyways so it dont matter what you put on your status i couod put hanging out with the queen no body cares"

Dont know untill you try.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Meh...I like those that send shit messages. Makes it easier for me to ignore the message. I'm a lazy bitch so the less reading I have to do the better. Carry on the way you are please guys. Self filtering works brilliantly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Has this bottomed out yet ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm an ugly Bastard, but an amazing personality....

Can I have a sympathy bonk please ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

You been on here moaning ladies dont reply and its down to looks. No mate, its down to things like your status right now which reads " Any ladies

Dont know untill you try."
fyi i did try & have result eauals no messages

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Fyi i get no replies coz i dont have the "look" ladies want if you are such an expert why dont you tell me what to put in my status then will definately get me a reply

Oh PLEASE. Do you know how many threads are dedicated to men complaining about women being bitchy, self-entitled, demanding, having huge egos etc etc?! I have read more posts than I count about how unfair it is that "fat, ugly women still get to be picky on here" (REALLY!) and no one went "oooh but imagine if a woman said that about a man".

Like I've already explained a few times now - this wasn't a rant. It wasn't an opportunity to pick on men. It was me trying to be constructive after seeing the amount of threads posted by failing men, and right now I'm really starting to regret doing it.

If you have an approach that works for you - great! Keep doing it! This my MY personal perspective on the messages I get; note how I titled it "For men who are struggling" and NOT "This is how all men on Fab should behave.".

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By *andyladMan over a year ago

Hereorthere

My approach gmhas been attend socials or just go to a club perhaps build some rappor

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I find it quite revealing that the majority of those disagreeing with the OP are those making ridiculous statements like "you have to be gym fit adonises to get anywhere here".

No the OP is not a catch all magic formula to getting meets that will work for everyone, because in reality there isn't a one method fits all approach to how this site works, but her post does provide a *lot* of useful pointers as to what won't work and how to improve your experience of the site.

There are also no guarantees of anything here, it's an inescapable fact that men outnumber women by around 10:1, so it's impossible for everyone to find what they're looking for.

However it comes back to what I've said previously about there essentially being two groups of men here - those who "get" the site and how it works, who accept that they have to make an effort with their profile, pics, messages, and indeed their approach and attitude to the site, along with having their expectations of it set correctly, who accept that they won't be for everyone, and that finding someone to meet isn't as easy as just sending a message.

Then there's the other group who simply don't "get" it and look to blame everything and everyone but themselves for not finding what they thought they would when they signed up.

Simple fact of the matter is when you take that second group out of the equation, the number imbalance between men and women pretty much disappears - there are no guarantees of course but those guys in the first group have a much better experience of the site than those in the latter one.

And the thing is membership of the first group is pretty much entirely within anyone's reach (regardless of how they look), they just have to take the necessary steps to get there - and that comes back to what I was saying about the three key elements of attitude, approach and expectations.

Adopt a positive attitude, and accept that not everyone will be for you, and that you won't always get a reply to a message etc, put some effort into your profile and how you message and like I said it won't guarantee a thing but your view of the site will be more positive.

Find the right approach to the site, the one that works for you and again nothing will be guaranteed but it will improve the experience - if blindly sending messages to all and sundry isn't working - look at other ways to approach the site, that might be by revamping your profile, or deciding to get along to group socials or clubs, or simply getting involved in the forums (which actually is a great way to get to know people and get yourself known) or any number of other ways.

Set your expectations right -if you expect to get a meet with a two line profile and a cock pic, you probably have them set wrong for the majority of people on here. Setting expectations as low as possible and accepting that they may not be met is the best way to go.

Ultimately it's down to each of us as individuals to decide whether the site is working, or can work, for us and if it's not, you have three choices - accept that it's not and carry on regardless, hit the UNLOS button, or make changes so that it does - I know which I'd choose if I found it wasn't

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fyi i get no replies coz i dont have the "look" ladies want if you are such an expert why dont you tell me what to put in my status then will definately get me a reply

I see, and your more than entitled to your opinion , however in MY opinion if this had been written by a man he would be called arrogant

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By *reelanderMan over a year ago

rotherham

End of day we are all on here to have sexual encounters,its not a dating site but sum seem to think it is,if ur in a club the attraction is looks,u can have sex in the rooms with hardly any words spoken with the exception of oh god and fuck am coming lol.some peeps make meets hard work with their demands and profiles,and what works for one dunt work for another,my advise to men that's finding it hard is to get ur profile filled in with a good profile pic as this is what makes them click on ya,

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I find it quite revealing that the majority of those disagreeing with the OP are those making ridiculous statements like "you have to be gym fit adonises to get anywhere here".

There are also no guarantees of anything here, it's an inescapable fact that men outnumber women by around 10:1, so it's impossible for everyone to find what they're looking for.

Then there's the other group who simply don't "get" it and look to blame everything and everyone but themselves for not finding what they thought they would when they signed up.

Brilliant! Couldn't have put it better myself! The bar is currently set so low that it really would take the tiniest bit of effort for most people to join that first group! You should have posted this to a new thread Gemini so more people get to read it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/05/19 10:41:17]

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By *G CoupleCouple over a year ago

Newton Stewart

"I'm an ugly Bastard, but an amazing personality....

Can I have a sympathy bonk please ?

Don't despair, there's always someone who's not all about looks. For example, my lady is (in my opinion) a pretty hot looking lady who has never been short of admirers, and she really fancies the likes of Jimmy Nail, Ken Stott, and Robbie Coltrane, none of who are good looking nor have great physiques.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course, you could follow every bit of advice on here and still have all your messages deleted unread.

If that’s the case. Why be here?

Are you here for that 1% unicorn then?

So many men moan about not getting any messages, so why waste your time on here? If you do better elsewhere surely best to focus on that?

If I wasn’t getting any messages or it wasn’t working for me I’d move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Are you speaking on behalf of ‘all ladies’ or just yourself? The ‘wanna fuck’ approach probably doesn’t work very often but each to their own??"

If you are happy with the small percentage that would only be interested, then cool, you're a happy boy!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I find it quite revealing that the majority of those disagreeing with the OP are those making ridiculous statements like "you have to be gym fit adonises to get anywhere here".

There are also no guarantees of anything here, it's an inescapable fact that men outnumber women by around 10:1, so it's impossible for everyone to find what they're looking for.

Then there's the other group who simply don't "get" it and look to blame everything and everyone but themselves for not finding what they thought they would when they signed up.

Very well said. I think most of the people in the first group are dreamers and fakes just looking for a quick fix , I also think that this theory applies to women and couples, not just men

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fyi i get no replies coz i dont have the "look" ladies want if you are such an expert why dont you tell me what to put in my status then will definately get me a reply

Absolutely agree.

Once again it’s a case of people getting bitter they don’t get replies & deciding to insult people instead.

If Fab was as bad as some make out, no man would get a meet, yet plenty manage to do it successfully.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its all based on looks if a man dont look like jason mamoa or some other tall buff hollywood stud then he aint getting a reply at all even if he does put an awesome message

Are you speaking on behalf of ‘all ladies’ or just yourself? The ‘wanna fuck’ approach probably doesn’t work very often but each to their own??

If you are happy with the small percentage that would only be interested, then cool, you're a happy boy!

Have you done a recent survey to suggest it’s only a ‘small percentage ‘??

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By *iverpool LoverMan over a year ago

liverpool

"Of course, you could follow every bit of advice on here and still have all your messages deleted unread.

If that’s the case. Why be here?

Are you here for that 1% unicorn then?

So many men moan about not getting any messages, so why waste your time on here? If you do better elsewhere surely best to focus on that?

If I wasn’t getting any messages or it wasn’t working for me I’d move on. "

I can answer that :p

I'll use last nights liverpool game as an example.

Everyone said it was impossible.

But they never gave up and held on to hope haha

People wont delete even if having no luck because tomorrow is another day and stay hopful one day it might be their day

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course, you could follow every bit of advice on here and still have all your messages deleted unread.

If that’s the case. Why be here?

Are you here for that 1% unicorn then?

So many men moan about not getting any messages, so why waste your time on here? If you do better elsewhere surely best to focus on that?

If I wasn’t getting any messages or it wasn’t working for me I’d move on.

I can answer that :p

I'll use last nights liverpool game as an example.

Everyone said it was impossible.

But they never gave up and held on to hope haha

People wont delete even if having no luck because tomorrow is another day and stay hopful one day it might be their day

Good analogy, what happens if you put all your effort into it then bottle it at the final hurdle though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course, you could follow every bit of advice on here and still have all your messages deleted unread.

If that’s the case. Why be here?

Are you here for that 1% unicorn then?

So many men moan about not getting any messages, so why waste your time on here? If you do better elsewhere surely best to focus on that?

If I wasn’t getting any messages or it wasn’t working for me I’d move on.

I can answer that :p

I'll use last nights liverpool game as an example.

Everyone said it was impossible.

But they never gave up and held on to hope haha

People wont delete even if having no luck because tomorrow is another day and stay hopful one day it might be their day

Are you talking about football? I don’t understand so change it to shopping please!

I’m on about people who constantly moan this site is bad, they don’t get any replies, everyone’s looking for an Adonis etc. I just can’t understand why they’d waste their time if they truly believe that.

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By *antra MassageMan over a year ago

city

A very good post OP, great advise.

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By *itandhotCouple over a year ago

citywest

Great post

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By *errysMan over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

When i first started on here i spent ages researching profiles of women i liked.

I took notes and spent even longer perfecting my message then checked it twice just like santa, i even added a bit of humour.

Bearing in mind i only messaged women who's profile i fitted into and yes i had decent verifications.

After much procrastination and thought i would send THE message.......wait patiently.....wait a bit more....hmm message not read...wait a day or two building up excitement assuming that because she has been online a couple of times she has marked my message unread to reply to when she can.......wait another day......deleted

If i bother to send a message now it simply says hi.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Great post OP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When i first started on here i spent ages researching profiles of women i liked.

I took notes and spent even longer perfecting my message then checked it twice just like santa, i even added a bit of humour.

Bearing in mind i only messaged women who's profile i fitted into and yes i had decent verifications.

If i bother to send a message now it simply says hi.

So one woman not replying made you go from making an effort to making none at all?

Doesn’t take much then does it!

Are you like that with everything?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/05/19 11:59:23]

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By *errysMan over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc.

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By *errysMan over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

"When i first started on here i spent ages researching profiles of women i liked.

I took notes and spent even longer perfecting my message then checked it twice just like santa, i even added a bit of humour.

Bearing in mind i only messaged women who's profile i fitted into and yes i had decent verifications.

If i bother to send a message now it simply says hi.

So one woman not replying made you go from making an effort to making none at all?

Doesn’t take much then does it!

Are you like that with everything?"

Read what i wrote.

Women (more than one) not woman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When i first started on here i spent ages researching profiles of women i liked.

I took notes and spent even longer perfecting my message then checked it twice just like santa, i even added a bit of humour.

Bearing in mind i only messaged women who's profile i fitted into and yes i had decent verifications.

If i bother to send a message now it simply says hi.

So one woman not replying made you go from making an effort to making none at all?

Doesn’t take much then does it!

Are you like that with everything?"
what dont help is the amout of messages ladies recieve on her so it dont suprise me that alot get un read or they take a while to read or reply.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When i first started on here i spent ages researching profiles of women i liked.

I took notes and spent even longer perfecting my message then checked it twice just like santa, i even added a bit of humour.

Bearing in mind i only messaged women who's profile i fitted into and yes i had decent verifications.

If i bother to send a message now it simply says hi.

So one woman not replying made you go from making an effort to making none at all?

Doesn’t take much then does it!

Are you like that with everything?

Read what i wrote.

Women (more than one) not woman.

Read what you wrote.

“After much procrastination and thought i would send THE message.......wait patiently.....wait a bit more....hmm message not read...wait a day or two building up excitement assuming that because she has been online a couple of times she has marked my message unread to reply to when she can.......wait another day......deleted”

You said “she” not “they”, that would refer to one person not several.

The only part of your post you used “women” is where mentioning you only message those whose profile you fitted into.

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By *errysMan over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc. "

Like i say it was way back when i started, and that is exactly what i did and it works fine for me now thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc. "

It works both ways, if women are not happy with the type or quantity of messages they receive then maybe they need to change their profiles/photos/messages etc.

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By *errysMan over a year ago

milton keynes and kent

"When i first started on here i spent ages researching profiles of women i liked.

I took notes and spent even longer perfecting my message then checked it twice just like santa, i even added a bit of humour.

Bearing in mind i only messaged women who's profile i fitted into and yes i had decent verifications.

If i bother to send a message now it simply says hi.

So one woman not replying made you go from making an effort to making none at all?

Doesn’t take much then does it!

Are you like that with everything?

Read what i wrote.

Women (more than one) not woman.

Read what you wrote.

You said “she” not “they”, that would refer to one person not several.

The only part of your post you used “women” is where mentioning you only message those whose profile you fitted into. "

Yep

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc.

It works both ways, if women are not happy with the type or quantity of messages they receive then maybe they need to change their profiles/photos/messages etc.

I never said it didn’t.

I tend to see far more men whinging about not receiving messages than I do women.

I think most of us women tend to handle the messages we dislike quite well in regards to filters, blocking, moving photos to friends etc.

Whereas quite a few men on here come to the forum to whinge about why they’re not being noticed and don’t even for a second think that their profile may need a spruce up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc.

It works both ways, if women are not happy with the type or quantity of messages they receive then maybe they need to change their profiles/photos/messages etc.

I never said it didn’t.

I tend to see far more men whinging about not receiving messages than I do women.

I think most of us women tend to handle the messages we dislike quite well in regards to filters, blocking, moving photos to friends etc.

Whereas quite a few men on here come to the forum to whinge about why they’re not being noticed and don’t even for a second think that their profile may need a spruce up.

If you look at some of the female profiles and status updates in my area it would contradict that. I have seen several one lined or demanding profiles that regularly whinge about the lack of ‘decent men’ and ‘nobody reads my profile’ etc etc. Maybe I should start a thread advising them on how to write a profile and take some decent photos ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc.

It works both ways, if women are not happy with the type or quantity of messages they receive then maybe they need to change their profiles/photos/messages etc.

I never said it didn’t.

I tend to see far more men whinging about not receiving messages than I do women.

I think most of us women tend to handle the messages we dislike quite well in regards to filters, blocking, moving photos to friends etc.

Whereas quite a few men on here come to the forum to whinge about why they’re not being noticed and don’t even for a second think that their profile may need a spruce up.

Maybe you should?

Why not? They may actually take on your advice, thank you & see a change, like some lovely men have done on this thread.

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By *ay19720Man over a year ago

Ashford kent

Well I have spent time writing nice messages that are more than one line..only for them to be deleted. . (Which is cool), ..so now I just read a profile and if I like the sound I message..if I get reply great if not.. (water off a ducks back ) what does do my nut in on here are women u wouldn't look twice at in a pub acting as if there super models....no love yr on a sex site..so the blokes aint got to pay...lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh by the way i also once altered my profile to what i thought was quite coarse and nasty. I sent a couple of brazen horrible messages.

I got replies. Not all bad ones.

I suggest you make a male profile for yourself and experiment before you explain to the men what they should do.

There is no right or wrong because everyone's tastes are different.

I hope this helps you understand the single mans plight

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc.

It works both ways, if women are not happy with the type or quantity of messages they receive then maybe they need to change their profiles/photos/messages etc.

I never said it didn’t.

I tend to see far more men whinging about not receiving messages than I do women.

I think most of us women tend to handle the messages we dislike quite well in regards to filters, blocking, moving photos to friends etc.

Whereas quite a few men on here come to the forum to whinge about why they’re not being noticed and don’t even for a second think that their profile may need a spruce up.

Ive spruced my profile up after what op put & that other bird about status earlier & im 10 & 0 lol but hey ho cnt win em all ill just block them as its pointless keeping women unblocked if they aint intetested its a waste of time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Well I have spent time writing nice messages that are more than one line..only for them to be deleted. . (Which is cool), ..so now I just read a profile and if I like the sound I message..if I get reply great if not.. (water off a ducks back ) what does do my nut in on here are women u wouldn't look twice at in a pub acting as if there super models....no love yr on a sex site..so the blokes aint got to pay...lol "

Your post was going so well until the last part.

The last part just makes you sound bitter.

Just because you wouldn’t look twice at certain women, doesn't mean every guy feels the same.

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By *reelanderMan over a year ago

rotherham

What is there to experiment?

Plenty men on here manage to get replies by being nice & polite.

Have you ever thought that the problem lies with you, and not the women you’re messaging?

If it keeps happening over & over again, maybe it’s time to look closer to home, like your profile/photos/message etc.

Like i say it was way back when i started, and that is exactly what i did and it works fine for me now thanks. "

Bang on mate.my profiles written out and has pics,my veris are uptodate and praise me for how i am.im no oil painting,just ur average guy thats chatty and outgoing so this site works for me

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