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Curious Unicorns...
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Do you believe that these days, women are becoming more empowered to explore their submissive side?
As the Host and Master at Le Boudoir, I've noticed a marked uptick over the last year or so in the number of strong and thoughtful women who attend the club on their own, looking for a reliable, clean and exciting Teacher / Environment where they can safely explore their unrequited kinks and submissive side.
Is this the 'Fifty Shades effect' maybe? |
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Possibly the fifty shades effect, however I hope it has more to do with the fact that more women are realising that's its absolutely ok for them to follow their own sexual desires.
Allowing themselves the confidence to go after what it is they want and not feel inhibited in any way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I assume it is the 50 shades malarkey, as with all the blokes that think they're Doms... Just the thought of being submissive makes me a bit angry tbh... But that is possibly just me  |
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As fifty shades peaked their interests initially, it’s still a massive step to go to a club on your own .
I’d think it was sites similar to “the upper floor “
Which has broadened their outlook and the fact that women viewing porn sites in their own home without judgements etc .
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Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality. |
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Totally agree that it's a big step for a Single Woman to attend a club on her own Poka. I think it's daunting for Single Men too! I wonder how it's possible to communicate to Single Women who are interested in this area that clubs can offer a safe, controllable and exciting space where they can simply watch if they want to... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really interesting post and the puzzle of who is really in charge between a dom and a sub is like a chicken and egg debate (but much more interesting). My experience with subs is that there are two distinct types - those who are sub as they are needy, lack confidence and want to please and those who are genuinely strong, confident women just seeking some escapism, The former are far less of a turn on - to be a real sub you actually need confidence and power that you choose to subvert |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m naturally a sub while in a sexual situation but in day to day I’m anything but. I think it’s fantastic more women are feeling confident enough to explore there sexuality and needs without worrying about the stigma that is unfortunately attached to sexually liberated women. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it’s because it’s safer in a club to explore ds. Meeting someone privately especially to play with a Dominant, is risky, unless you know and trust them. |
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"I’m naturally a sub while in a sexual situation but in day to day I’m anything but. I think it’s fantastic more women are feeling confident enough to explore there sexuality and needs without worrying about the stigma that is unfortunately attached to sexually liberated women. Xx"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality. "
You mean the sub is always in conrol, they aren't always female  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s because it’s safer in a club to explore ds. Meeting someone privately especially to play with a Dominant, is risky, unless you know and trust them. "
Absolutely!
I made a naive move early on in my days here, had a guy black me out 3 times. Genuinely thought I was gonna die 
P |
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"Really interesting post and the puzzle of who is really in charge between a dom and a sub is like a chicken and egg debate (but much more interesting). My experience with subs is that there are two distinct types - those who are sub as they are needy, lack confidence and want to please and those who are genuinely strong, confident women just seeking some escapism, The former are far less of a turn on - to be a real sub you actually need confidence and power that you choose to subvert"
Strong and confident in the real world but to crave someone’s control and submit .
I read people in high stress work positions need this type of escapism , or similar .
Cuckold husbands have a similar sub need
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not into BDSM, I am an equalist, I am also sure that no one reason makes a significant contribution to an social movement.
However, it has long been suggested that many male submissive have positions of power in life, and submission in sexual taste is a balance against that.
With more women in positions of power, more single parents, more political power, it would seem natural to see an increase in those who wish to escape that responsibility in sexual fantasy.
Or perhaps they just think all Dom males own helicopters and penthouse apartments, who knows  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality.
You mean the sub is always in conrol, they aren't always female "
Thank you, God there is a lot of ciss male view points being expressed here.
A Dom is not intrinsically a male. In our dynamic I (female) am the dominant one.
Too many little boys with mummy issues come into this thinking dom is an excuse for being abusive. I get messages from apparent dom males asking me to sub for them, clearly they are new and don't understand or arrogant and think all women should bow to their mighty manness. A true dom understands how the power shift works. I am in charge until he can't take anymore. It is my game until he says stop. The line between play and assault is consent. The second consent is taken away the dom must stop and after care is important also.
I am happy to see more women going to a professional though. Much safer than finding Ted Bundy on here.
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I have always felt empowered although I too Master and often have encounters where the Male Dom will want me to dominate his sub.
I don't seen many single sub unicorns that venture out on their own. |
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Indeed Monkey, that's the wonderful paradox some 'Doms' don't get. The woman always chooses their Dom and then any Dom worth their salt will always check what the woman really wants, plus give them a safe word without fail. Thus, they're in control even when they're being submissive. |
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"Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality.
You mean the sub is always in conrol, they aren't always female "
Of course Ariel! I was thinking only about my situation of course. Typical man - ha ha! |
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"I’m naturally a sub while in a sexual situation but in day to day I’m anything but. I think it’s fantastic more women are feeling confident enough to explore there sexuality and needs without worrying about the stigma that is unfortunately attached to sexually liberated women. Xx "
Totally agree Taylor... |
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"I’m naturally a sub while in a sexual situation but in day to day I’m anything but. I think it’s fantastic more women are feeling confident enough to explore there sexuality and needs without worrying about the stigma that is unfortunately attached to sexually liberated women. Xx"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think and speaking for myself that I've reached a stage in my life that I'm slowly allowing my layers to be stripped back and now I'm embracing what I truly want with no fear of judgement. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
It’s incorrect to say ‘the sub is always in control’, as always seems to pop up as an erroneous statement of fact with alarming regularity as this suggests the domme or dom has no agency in the scenario.
It’s more correct to say both the D and S have equal control, as both have the choice to extend or withdraw their dominance or submission towards each other. While the scenario can’t happen without the sub’s full consent and co-operation, neither can it happen without the dom’s full consent and co-operation.
A wonderful D/S scenario can only happen when there is equal and shared understanding of emotional and physical needs, and reaching that places control in the hands of all participants.
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"I assume it is the 50 shades malarkey, as with all the blokes that think they're Doms... Just the thought of being submissive makes me a bit angry tbh... But that is possibly just me "
Nope not just you!!!!!  |
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"I assume it is the 50 shades malarkey, as with all the blokes that think they're Doms... Just the thought of being submissive makes me a bit angry tbh... But that is possibly just me
Nope not just you!!!!! "
Snap, me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s incorrect to say ‘the sub is always in control’, as always seems to pop up as an erroneous statement of fact with alarming regularity as this suggests the domme or dom has no agency in the scenario.
It’s more correct to say both the D and S have equal control, as both have the choice to extend or withdraw their dominance or submission towards each other. While the scenario can’t happen without the sub’s full consent and co-operation, neither can it happen without the dom’s full consent and co-operation.
A wonderful D/S scenario can only happen when there is equal and shared understanding of emotional and physical needs, and reaching that places control in the hands of all participants.
"
The reason the Sub is in charge is because they have the power to say stop/use the safe word!
Personally we are sensual lovers |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"It’s incorrect to say ‘the sub is always in control’, as always seems to pop up as an erroneous statement of fact with alarming regularity as this suggests the domme or dom has no agency in the scenario.
It’s more correct to say both the D and S have equal control, as both have the choice to extend or withdraw their dominance or submission towards each other. While the scenario can’t happen without the sub’s full consent and co-operation, neither can it happen without the dom’s full consent and co-operation.
A wonderful D/S scenario can only happen when there is equal and shared understanding of emotional and physical needs, and reaching that places control in the hands of all participants.
The reason the Sub is in charge is because they have the power to say stop/use the safe word!
Personally we are sensual lovers "
Sure - but then the domme / dom also has the power to say stop or indicate otherwise they don’t wish to continue with the scene, so how is it different? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are both naturally dominant people, so as a woman I find it extremely hard to be sub.
We have an interest in BDSM but we just do our own thing and whatever turns us on at the time.
I don't quite understand all the classes of BDSM as it seems to have a lot of subgroups and I tend dip my fingers in many pies ha!
 |
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Is this an advert or a question? 
I would suspect the growing confidence in women to indipendanently fulfil their sexual desires (in whatever type of sexual play BDSM or not) is to do with a wider cultural shift in women rather than simply 50 Shades. A shift both in attitudes, freedoms and exposure to the possibilities out there. Turns out it's ok for women to have and express their own sexual desires. Who would have funk it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s incorrect to say ‘the sub is always in control’, as always seems to pop up as an erroneous statement of fact with alarming regularity as this suggests the domme or dom has no agency in the scenario.
It’s more correct to say both the D and S have equal control, as both have the choice to extend or withdraw their dominance or submission towards each other. While the scenario can’t happen without the sub’s full consent and co-operation, neither can it happen without the dom’s full consent and co-operation.
A wonderful D/S scenario can only happen when there is equal and shared understanding of emotional and physical needs, and reaching that places control in the hands of all participants.
The reason the Sub is in charge is because they have the power to say stop/use the safe word!
Personally we are sensual lovers
Sure - but then the domme / dom also has the power to say stop or indicate otherwise they don’t wish to continue with the scene, so how is it different?"
Believe me it's different.
When the Dom is whipping a bum flesh flying (which I have seen) the Sub says "red" and it stopped. The Sub had the power to stop it all. Get it? X |
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What a fascinating thread.
I think for me it's a case that in day to day life I do not have the luxury of being submissive, I have to drive and be in control of all areas of my life. Therefore the giving up of control is very arousing.
However, despite the fact I actively seek that, I can't help occasionally reverting to type.
In fairness, it has been my interactions on here that have taught me about that side of myself
I'm pleased that more women feel confident enough to express their desires- exactly as it should be |
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"Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality.
You mean the sub is always in conrol, they aren't always female "
Excellent point lol  |
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"Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality.
You mean the sub is always in conrol, they aren't always female
Thank you, God there is a lot of ciss male view points being expressed here.
A Dom is not intrinsically a male. In our dynamic I (female) am the dominant one.
Too many little boys with mummy issues come into this thinking dom is an excuse for being abusive. I get messages from apparent dom males asking me to sub for them, clearly they are new and don't understand or arrogant and think all women should bow to their mighty manness. A true dom understands how the power shift works. I am in charge until he can't take anymore. It is my game until he says stop. The line between play and assault is consent. The second consent is taken away the dom must stop and after care is important also.
I am happy to see more women going to a professional though. Much safer than finding Ted Bundy on here.
"
Some excellent points, yeah a lot look for a mummy Dom then turn into little shits, can spot the type a mile off now. Not worth time or effort. |
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"What a fascinating thread.
I think for me it's a case that in day to day life I do not have the luxury of being submissive, I have to drive and be in control of all areas of my life. Therefore the giving up of control is very arousing.
However, despite the fact I actively seek that, I can't help occasionally reverting to type.
In fairness, it has been my interactions on here that have taught me about that side of myself
I'm pleased that more women feel confident enough to express their desires- exactly as it should be "
I couldn't agree more |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I really do hope it has less to do with a really rather dull book/movies(s) than it does with the more important reality that women are just as capable of having deep sexual fantasies that they can make come true. Sexual fiction is so contrived I think most women see it for what it is, more about the man than the women, but Nancy Friday did something unique when she pulled together the collections of sexual fantasies in their totally raw state, from the mouths of her interviewees. That was the turning point for me, reading those in my late 20s and realising I wasn’t a freak.
Now that’s not really about exploring a submissive state than it is about just exploring sexuality in general.
V x |
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"Indeed Ariel...some men conflate 'Domming' with coercion and force - and don't realise that actually, the woman is ALWAYS in control, and also that many woman (especially newbies) crave for some light control and a LOT of teasing, building of excitement and sensuality. "
doesn't help that 50 shades was all about coercion and bordered on non consensual...
There is a lot more bdsm in the mainstream now... I mean look at how Ann summers has so much stuff now.. so I think like with swinging that it's just becoming more the norm
It's become more common in series that are on tv too recently x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Or perhaps they just think all Dom males own helicopters and penthouse apartments, who knows "
This is it absolutely for me. No penthouse, no sub pussy. |
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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago
Cambridge |
For me I played the submissive role for years with some great doms and some not so great ones who actually hurt me mentally and physically, as much as it hurt or was irresponsible I'm happy I went through those scenarios to ensure I am aware of my actions as a sexually dominant person. I'm much happier now as I'm not just going along with what I thought men wanted! I do think the fifty shades effect has an impact on people's attitudes towards BDSM but equally hasn't informed those people of the dangers or safe practices involved.
I would say yes both the Dom(me) / sub have equal power and limits as I wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable/safe in doing. |
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