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"Thank you all, my new book "50 Shades of Dave" is out soon " I need a copy plz | |||
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"Thank you all, my new book "50 Shades of Dave" is out soon " Now that is one 50 shades I would buy | |||
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"Fucking brilliant OP By the way, I've met Dave from Derby " I know a Dave who lives in Derby...he also has a beard | |||
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"Thank you all, my new book "50 Shades of Dave" is out soon " Please can I have a signed copy? Xx | |||
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"Thank you all, my new book "50 Shades of Dave" is out soon " After reading your post (best thing I've read on the forums in ages), I look forward to seeing this book. | |||
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"It was an organic stream of consciousness lol" Well it’s a popular one and made me smile | |||
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"It was an organic stream of consciousness lol" Genuinely so well written! | |||
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"Absolutely brilliant but you forgot the bit where just before the tv’s they try us fat birds thinking we’re all desperate, but we’re not, they cant cope with the knock back so send back a load of abuse You made me laugh when I’m on a real downer, thanks so much xxx " I'm so sorry I forgot the fat birds lol, he was too busy being rejected by the desperate 99 year olds on here , a much maligned and surprisingly large contingent | |||
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"**This is not autobiographical but gathered from reading much on the forums** A Man's Fab Journey Sign up to fab.Straight guy,looking for women Won't put a photo in case anyone recognises me.Profile text, nah, will fill in later So silhouette man sits back and waits for the pussy onslaught Three days in, hmmm,send winks to a few local ladies.No response.Widen the net.... I don't really want to meet a 99 year old but doesn't seem much around in the 18-27 bracket Sits back and waits for desperate old women to get in touch... Send a few more winks, no response, ok I'll put a bit of profile information on."I'm a lovely cheeky respectful guy wanting to give all you girls a great time, try me, you won't be disappointed" Tumble Ok,put a picture on my avatar, a dick pic should get them all come running No response.Start messaging local ladies, attach said dick pic and a couple more from different angles Oh, user has blocked me!!! Discover the forums, read loads of posts from guys asking why they can't get meets, decides they don't apply to him, any woman who doesn't respond is rude and probably a fake or a lesbian. Tries to post his own whinge thread but wait!.. not photo verified Oh shit! Photo verifies himself, right this will get the fanny on side.Post his "poor me" thread, sympathy shag guaranteed at least.Still no joy Lots of nice women on the forum from further away, message them,I don't mind travelling 200 miles, they'll be so happy to have me that they'll accommodate for me,even if their profile says different More blocked profiles, still no replies other than a few replies to his forum post encouraging him to lose the cock pics, flesh out his profile , put up a face pic or two.No, don't need to do any of that,his profiles fine in the main and there's still plenty of pussy to conquer... Hmmm, there's some nice looking t-girls on here too, I'm not gay or bi but maybe they'll suck me and it will be just like a woman doing it.Message a few, no replies, widen the net, try a few of the more convincing TVs... Update the profile , looking for female and TV....Dave the CD from derby messages you, do you want him to come and suck your cock? Dave doesn't really dress like a woman, nor wear make up and a wig, but hey it's a blowjob! Ok Dave but it's our secret.Dave then drops the bombshell, can he dress at yours? He arrives looking like the builder he is.Dave is hairy all-over and has a beard.He looks ridiculous in his wife's tights but he's here now and at least you can get verified.Maybe then the women will come running and you'll be knee deep in clunge after all! So Dave verifies you.Green tick,yay! Still no women but a bit of interest from the TV community.However the convincing ones are still elusive,most of your prospective meets are more in the HPW spectrum.Eventually you decide they look silly , you'd rather they just turned up as men and took it from there Changes profile to bi.Will meet M F TV. Men start messaging , do you dress? Will you wear nylons with me ? So you virtually give up trying to meet women, accept you're fab straight ,(a funny little phrase you picked up from the forums) and most of your meets are with other hairy men, both dressing up in your wives tights for mutual wanking and oral, no anal sex because that's only for the gays and you're merely bi-curious! Then one day you get a message from Jack and Vera in Skegness.Jack is opening up to his bi-side and wants to meet a TV and play with them whilst Vera watches.Vera is shy, so all the messages are exchanged solely with Jack.You arrange a meet, Vera will be there to watch and MAY join in if she lets go her inhibitions You drive to Skegness wearing your best sexy stockings which keep rolling down your leg as you opted for holdups instead of splashing out on a suspender belt.You sneek a quick look in the car mirror,you wish you'd bought a wig now and that lipstick looks like you've just overdosed on beetroot,but too late to do anything about it now. You meet Jack, you ask where Vera is, she's got a headache and won't be joining but she'll say hello just so you know they're a genuine couple.Vera is dis-interestingly reading and looks up to say a quick hello.Your heart sinks a bit, Vera is 20 years older than her pictures and a few stone heavier too, you're actually slightly relieved.Jack fumbles his way into your trousers, pulls them down to your knees and starts wanking you even though you're struggling to get hard "This isn't working , sorry" You make your apologies and leave . "Can you still verify us" Jack shouts as you leave You get home ,log onto fab, Jack and Vera have gone UNLOS, you laugh sadly to yourself and switch on Porn*hub A Woman's Fab Journey: Sign up, post a picture of your left knee "Stunning" "Beautiful" "Wow" 500 messages , top of hot pics ,someone starts a forum thread about how gorgeous you are , overwhelmed you delete your account Who has it the best lol??? Best laugh I've had all week....And true to a certain extent....lol " | |||
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"**This is not autobiographical but gathered from reading much on the forums** A Man's Fab Journey Sign up to fab.Straight guy,looking for women Won't put a photo in case anyone recognises me.Profile text, nah, will fill in later So silhouette man sits back and waits for the pussy onslaught Three days in, hmmm,send winks to a few local ladies.No response.Widen the net.... I don't really want to meet a 99 year old but doesn't seem much around in the 18-27 bracket Sits back and waits for desperate old women to get in touch... Send a few more winks, no response, ok I'll put a bit of profile information on."I'm a lovely cheeky respectful guy wanting to give all you girls a great time, try me, you won't be disappointed" Tumble Ok,put a picture on my avatar, a dick pic should get them all come running No response.Start messaging local ladies, attach said dick pic and a couple more from different angles Oh, user has blocked me!!! Discover the forums, read loads of posts from guys asking why they can't get meets, decides they don't apply to him, any woman who doesn't respond is rude and probably a fake or a lesbian. Tries to post his own whinge thread but wait!.. not photo verified Oh shit! Photo verifies himself, right this will get the fanny on side.Post his "poor me" thread, sympathy shag guaranteed at least.Still no joy Lots of nice women on the forum from further away, message them,I don't mind travelling 200 miles, they'll be so happy to have me that they'll accommodate for me,even if their profile says different More blocked profiles, still no replies other than a few replies to his forum post encouraging him to lose the cock pics, flesh out his profile , put up a face pic or two.No, don't need to do any of that,his profiles fine in the main and there's still plenty of pussy to conquer... Hmmm, there's some nice looking t-girls on here too, I'm not gay or bi but maybe they'll suck me and it will be just like a woman doing it.Message a few, no replies, widen the net, try a few of the more convincing TVs... Update the profile , looking for female and TV....Dave the CD from derby messages you, do you want him to come and suck your cock? Dave doesn't really dress like a woman, nor wear make up and a wig, but hey it's a blowjob! Ok Dave but it's our secret.Dave then drops the bombshell, can he dress at yours? He arrives looking like the builder he is.Dave is hairy all-over and has a beard.He looks ridiculous in his wife's tights but he's here now and at least you can get verified.Maybe then the women will come running and you'll be knee deep in clunge after all! So Dave verifies you.Green tick,yay! Still no women but a bit of interest from the TV community.However the convincing ones are still elusive,most of your prospective meets are more in the HPW spectrum.Eventually you decide they look silly , you'd rather they just turned up as men and took it from there Changes profile to bi.Will meet M F TV. Men start messaging , do you dress? Will you wear nylons with me ? So you virtually give up trying to meet women, accept you're fab straight ,(a funny little phrase you picked up from the forums) and most of your meets are with other hairy men, both dressing up in your wives tights for mutual wanking and oral, no anal sex because that's only for the gays and you're merely bi-curious! Then one day you get a message from Jack and Vera in Skegness.Jack is opening up to his bi-side and wants to meet a TV and play with them whilst Vera watches.Vera is shy, so all the messages are exchanged solely with Jack.You arrange a meet, Vera will be there to watch and MAY join in if she lets go her inhibitions You drive to Skegness wearing your best sexy stockings which keep rolling down your leg as you opted for holdups instead of splashing out on a suspender belt.You sneek a quick look in the car mirror,you wish you'd bought a wig now and that lipstick looks like you've just overdosed on beetroot,but too late to do anything about it now. You meet Jack, you ask where Vera is, she's got a headache and won't be joining but she'll say hello just so you know they're a genuine couple.Vera is dis-interestingly reading and looks up to say a quick hello.Your heart sinks a bit, Vera is 20 years older than her pictures and a few stone heavier too, you're actually slightly relieved.Jack fumbles his way into your trousers, pulls them down to your knees and starts wanking you even though you're struggling to get hard "This isn't working , sorry" You make your apologies and leave . "Can you still verify us" Jack shouts as you leave You get home ,log onto fab, Jack and Vera have gone UNLOS, you laugh sadly to yourself and switch on Porn*hub A Woman's Fab Journey: Sign up, post a picture of your left knee "Stunning" "Beautiful" "Wow" 500 messages , top of hot pics ,someone starts a forum thread about how gorgeous you are , overwhelmed you delete your account Who has it the best lol??? Best laugh I've had all week....And true to a certain extent....lol " 10 minutes later and I'm still laughing... | |||
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"**This is not autobiographical but gathered from reading much on the forums** A Man's Fab Journey Sign up to fab.Straight guy,looking for women Won't put a photo in case anyone recognises me.Profile text, nah, will fill in later So silhouette man sits back and waits for the pussy onslaught Three days in, hmmm,send winks to a few local ladies.No response.Widen the net.... I don't really want to meet a 99 year old but doesn't seem much around in the 18-27 bracket Sits back and waits for desperate old women to get in touch... Send a few more winks, no response, ok I'll put a bit of profile information on."I'm a lovely cheeky respectful guy wanting to give all you girls a great time, try me, you won't be disappointed" Tumble Ok,put a picture on my avatar, a dick pic should get them all come running No response.Start messaging local ladies, attach said dick pic and a couple more from different angles Oh, user has blocked me!!! Discover the forums, read loads of posts from guys asking why they can't get meets, decides they don't apply to him, any woman who doesn't respond is rude and probably a fake or a lesbian. Tries to post his own whinge thread but wait!.. not photo verified Oh shit! Photo verifies himself, right this will get the fanny on side.Post his "poor me" thread, sympathy shag guaranteed at least.Still no joy Lots of nice women on the forum from further away, message them,I don't mind travelling 200 miles, they'll be so happy to have me that they'll accommodate for me,even if their profile says different More blocked profiles, still no replies other than a few replies to his forum post encouraging him to lose the cock pics, flesh out his profile , put up a face pic or two.No, don't need to do any of that,his profiles fine in the main and there's still plenty of pussy to conquer... Hmmm, there's some nice looking t-girls on here too, I'm not gay or bi but maybe they'll suck me and it will be just like a woman doing it.Message a few, no replies, widen the net, try a few of the more convincing TVs... Update the profile , looking for female and TV....Dave the CD from derby messages you, do you want him to come and suck your cock? Dave doesn't really dress like a woman, nor wear make up and a wig, but hey it's a blowjob! Ok Dave but it's our secret.Dave then drops the bombshell, can he dress at yours? He arrives looking like the builder he is.Dave is hairy all-over and has a beard.He looks ridiculous in his wife's tights but he's here now and at least you can get verified.Maybe then the women will come running and you'll be knee deep in clunge after all! So Dave verifies you.Green tick,yay! Still no women but a bit of interest from the TV community.However the convincing ones are still elusive,most of your prospective meets are more in the HPW spectrum.Eventually you decide they look silly , you'd rather they just turned up as men and took it from there Changes profile to bi.Will meet M F TV. Men start messaging , do you dress? Will you wear nylons with me ? So you virtually give up trying to meet women, accept you're fab straight ,(a funny little phrase you picked up from the forums) and most of your meets are with other hairy men, both dressing up in your wives tights for mutual wanking and oral, no anal sex because that's only for the gays and you're merely bi-curious! Then one day you get a message from Jack and Vera in Skegness.Jack is opening up to his bi-side and wants to meet a TV and play with them whilst Vera watches.Vera is shy, so all the messages are exchanged solely with Jack.You arrange a meet, Vera will be there to watch and MAY join in if she lets go her inhibitions You drive to Skegness wearing your best sexy stockings which keep rolling down your leg as you opted for holdups instead of splashing out on a suspender belt.You sneek a quick look in the car mirror,you wish you'd bought a wig now and that lipstick looks like you've just overdosed on beetroot,but too late to do anything about it now. You meet Jack, you ask where Vera is, she's got a headache and won't be joining but she'll say hello just so you know they're a genuine couple.Vera is dis-interestingly reading and looks up to say a quick hello.Your heart sinks a bit, Vera is 20 years older than her pictures and a few stone heavier too, you're actually slightly relieved.Jack fumbles his way into your trousers, pulls them down to your knees and starts wanking you even though you're struggling to get hard "This isn't working , sorry" You make your apologies and leave . "Can you still verify us" Jack shouts as you leave You get home ,log onto fab, Jack and Vera have gone UNLOS, you laugh sadly to yourself and switch on Porn*hub A Woman's Fab Journey: Sign up, post a picture of your left knee "Stunning" "Beautiful" "Wow" 500 messages , top of hot pics ,someone starts a forum thread about how gorgeous you are , overwhelmed you delete your account Who has it the best lol??? " So so funny. Still laughing. I agree with Early Stages, you have won poster of the year. | |||
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"Young??? You can be my new best friend lol " Now that would be a friendship worth having | |||
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"Young??? You can be my new best friend lol Now that would be a friendship worth having " If only you were a bit nearer! | |||
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"Young??? You can be my new best friend lol Now that would be a friendship worth having If only you were a bit nearer!" Not even pen pals? | |||
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"Different class Best abd most hilarious post I've ever read or am likely to read Takes posting to a whole new level and best piece of fact-based comic observational writing I've ever read in my life. Staggering talent " Have to say I agree with this. Genuinely a most wonderful piece of observational writing. A must read for the new men on fab. Hilarious x | |||
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"Wondering why nobody signposted this to me when I first signed up. It should be compulsory reading Brilliant " Check out Clare's green arrow " help get me started in Staffordshire" | |||
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"I'm fairly new to the forums and have only just come across this post. It's a masterpiece! Thought I'd give it a bump for those that missed it the first time round or for people to enjoy again. Thanks for this Clare, so funny " Good bump Great read and so funny - thanks Clare | |||
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"Green arrow? What's that? " He was the partner to green lantern. | |||
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" What's your experience OP?" I'm currently shacked up with Dave in a caravan park in Skegness,waiting for the swelling to go down | |||
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"Thank you all, I'm glad those new to the forums enjoyed it And thanks to Lisa Belle for the bump! I did sort of pre-bump on another thread but was in two minds whether to open this one again, however it's still just as true ! " I'm good at bumping | |||
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"I'm going to shamelessly bump this thread as it's forum awards time tomorrow.Vote for me! Go on! I spent hours writing this tripe " shame shame | |||
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"This is amazing. Possibly the best things I’ve read on this site, ever! I feel he missed a trick by not posting a photo of his junk up against a Lynx Africa can. That’s how most guys get the pussy." Best photo I saw on a profile was of a guy with his semi erect cock up next to his Sky remote for a sense of scale. I wanted to caption it 'My two favourite things' | |||
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"Hahhahaaa this is brilliant None of it is relatable though thank god " Oh I can relate to quite a lot of it | |||
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"**This is not autobiographical but gathered from reading much on the forums** A Man's Fab Journey....... " Snipped cos so long but that was fucking funny | |||
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"Ps...I'd definitely watch the film version " HaHa yes that would be hilarious...Brilliant!! | |||
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"I'm pleased ,proud and a little bit embarrassed to say that this thread won Funniest thread and Best Overall thread in the Fab Forum awards. I enjoyed writing it and glad so many enjoyed reading it!Even those who may have recognised a little bit of themselves lol Epilogue: Jack and Vera have left Skegness and moved to Benidorm for the winter.'Jac' is still discovering his bi-side, dropped the 'k' from his name,and swapped his pints of beer for Dubonnet,a pink shirt and espadrilles Vera has finished her book Dave from Derby,in an attempt to lose the hairy builder tag,has discovered Veet.Unfortunately,he didn't read the instructions but will be renewing his Fab account when he is discharged from the burns unit Our hero meanwhile is happily settled in a domestic partnership with a horticulturalist named Brett As for me? I'm negotiating the film rights with Richard Curtiss! J.C. xx" | |||
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