FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Being ghosted?
Being ghosted?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some advice on this would be appreciated please, still kind of new to this so still learning the ropes so to speak.
Met a guy off here in Feb at his place, meet went really well. Lots of messaging (almost every day) and we arranged another meet for March at a hotel, which again went really well. Messaging continued as almost daily until he went away with work the other week, which is fine. Before this we arranged to meet again at the end of this month (next week).
He got back and messaged at the weekend, I replied and since then it’s been radio silence. I messaged yesterday morning and he saw it and my reply from the day before, but didn’t respond which is unusual for him. Didn’t think much of it, assumed he was busy. Today I’ve messaged to check about next week (hotel meet), but this time it’s stayed on one tick (we have been using WhatsApp). We’re friends on here and he’s not been on Fab since he last messaged me on Saturday.
I’m not looking for a relationship, in fact I’m already married and on here with the full permission of my husband, but I was hoping to just have a regular fb rather than one offs. This guy said that’s what he preferred too. I understand people change their mind, but I would’ve thought it was only polite after spending so much time talking to someone and with another meet booked in that you’d let them know?
I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s busy, and I’m not going to message him again, but I guess it’s very possible he’s ghosting me? How long do I give it, taking into account the meet we’ve got booked in? Opinions would be appreciated!
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"Cancel the booking. Make other plans"
Too right monkey, don’t hang on for him. Sadly due to the perception of this place people have no qualms about dropping off the radar without explanation. It’s rude, inconsiderate and it shouldn’t happen but sadly it will continue.
Onwards and upwards!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you all - pretty much what I thought then. I’m more annoyed about the hotel booking than anything else. Seems I’ve got a lot to learn.
Do you find it’s easier to do one off meets or have that regular fb? He’s one of two guys I’ve met so far and I thought having a regular fb would be easier!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Ha! The worm has turned!  "
Haha, yes that’s possible! |
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"Thank you all - pretty much what I thought then. I’m more annoyed about the hotel booking than anything else. Seems I’ve got a lot to learn.
Do you find it’s easier to do one off meets or have that regular fb? He’s one of two guys I’ve met so far and I thought having a regular fb would be easier!
"
I tend not to like one-offs (ha! Like I’m inundated) but then you don’t know till you’re having the first one! A solid FB is brilliant, you can take the time to figure out what each other enjoys and the sex becomes exponentially better - in my opinion at least.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you all - pretty much what I thought then. I’m more annoyed about the hotel booking than anything else. Seems I’ve got a lot to learn.
Do you find it’s easier to do one off meets or have that regular fb? He’s one of two guys I’ve met so far and I thought having a regular fb would be easier!
I've had a number of one off meets over the years. I've also had a few relatively long term relationships too. Because of the sort of thing I like and look for,long term has always worked better for me. Having said that it does take a while to find the one that you'click' with! Perseverance is the key. Good luck!!!
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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See I thought we were on the same page - I didn’t/don’t have a load of expectations of him and he seemed to be quite genuine. Sex on both meets was really good - better the second time - and I was looking forward to exploring a bit more.
FB would work better for me I think, as time is limited so I’d prefer not to have to go through the time trying to find someone,m and the nerves before a meet etc, but it is what it is I suppose. Meeting with man number 1 is still on the cards in the future, but it’s hard to arrange a meet due to calendars not matching up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
"
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit."
I’ve booked the hotel both times. He accommodated the first time but can’t always accommodate due to his living situation, he’s definitely single though. I can’t accommodate due to kids. |
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit.
I’ve booked the hotel both times. He accommodated the first time but can’t always accommodate due to his living situation, he’s definitely single though. I can’t accommodate due to kids."
I'm all for equality and all that but i would make a guy pay for a hotel room then contribute when you get there. Why? Because I have a choice of who I fuck and sorry to say it guys the ratio of men to single women is high. That sounds awful but it's true.
I prefer regular but I also meet people I would potentially meet up regularly with. However I also do occasional one offs  . But imo have a few people you meet with, 1. Easier with feelings especially if people you meet get attached easily which happens a lot (I am also in a relationship where my partner knows) 2.if someone let's you down.. Next Fb lol
3. Pick people who like different things. So you get to experience new things as well.
Also tbh he sounds like he isn't interested. Just move onto someone else. |
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It does sound like he’s either busy or maybe has decided against meeting you again. It would be good if he was upfront about it but sometimes that’s just the way it goes.
I find it simpler to not chat daily with meets even if they are repeated, just keep in contact to arrange shenanigans maybe some cheeky pics in between meets. |
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"Thank you all - pretty much what I thought then. I’m more annoyed about the hotel booking than anything else. Seems I’ve got a lot to learn.
Do you find it’s easier to do one off meets or have that regular fb? He’s one of two guys I’ve met so far and I thought having a regular fb would be easier!
"
A lot of guys say they want a regular fuck buddy but what they reallymean is they wantregular sex.
I think it's easier to spontaneously fuck loads of men personally, always one willing to turn up when you want sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only ever book hotels that don’t need a deposit (Marriotts are very good), that way you can leave it until the night before, without loseing anything. Even if he’s genuinely busy, the change in behaviour is the beginning of the end, as has already been said, move on, the right mischief maker will find you |
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"Thank you all - pretty much what I thought then. I’m more annoyed about the hotel booking than anything else. Seems I’ve got a lot to learn.
Do you find it’s easier to do one off meets or have that regular fb? He’s one of two guys I’ve met so far and I thought having a regular fb would be easier!
"
I have done both. One off and regular. I love having a regular fb -there’s always an amazing build up before we meet and every time it just gets better and better. It is possible to find someone reliable, honest, no drama with a good sense of humour who is also a good in bed. I have heard a lot of people say that fb/fwb can be one of the most complicated relationships however - so I guess it depends on the dynamics between the individuals. Good luck the ghosting scenario is shitty... |
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It's really hard to understand ghosting. Perhaps I just like giving feedback so that a guy understands why I no longer want to meet. Unfortunately guys don't seem to have the balls to tell you what's going through their minds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's really hard to understand ghosting. Perhaps I just like giving feedback so that a guy understands why I no longer want to meet. Unfortunately guys don't seem to have the balls to tell you what's going through their minds."
if i dont want to meet again i will tell them. before they book a room etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been let down on more than one occasion, seems norm on here. One guy even left my wife sitting in a bar even after messaging the night before meet saying looking forward to meeting. Getting used to it now but still pisses us off when it happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit.
I’ve booked the hotel both times. He accommodated the first time but can’t always accommodate due to his living situation, he’s definitely single though. I can’t accommodate due to kids."
that's good.
I won't do hotel meets any more because a few times I was left holding the bill.
It's also now why I won't meet those who cannot accommodate. There are plenty who do and will. |
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It’s happening to us right now, someone told us she wants to meet this weekend but up to now she hasn’t replied to our last message which was just before the weekend. Frustrating as,, because you never quite no when to stop waiting for her & go looking for something else. |
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I had a regular friend I met with for years; we'd chat at times, and meet regularly, but there were times when one was just not up for it at the time.
One or the other of us might go silent for weeks.
Wanting a regular fb or fwb doesn't always mean regular sex with only the same person all the time.
Could be any number of reasons, of course. I'd just get on with it, and if he reappears and all's good, have fun. If not, another will come along.
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
We've been ghosted a few times. Its so annoying and so ignorant of them. This is Fab and its all part of the territory we are starting to think. No doubt it will happen again. We would never be that rude to people, especially people we are supposed to have a connection with. Some folk just can't get it. Nice people worry that something bad has happened. Just say if that's it for you. Ghosting eh. Ignorant, disrespectful people. |
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"Thank you all - pretty much what I thought then. I’m more annoyed about the hotel booking than anything else. Seems I’ve got a lot to learn.
Do you find it’s easier to do one off meets or have that regular fb? He’s one of two guys I’ve met so far and I thought having a regular fb would be easier!
"
A lot of men use looking for something regular to appear to be interested but that’s not always the case, it’ can be a ploy just to attract a woman via a dangling carrot, loads of women don’t want loads of meets but that’s unfortunately all that the majority of men do want, just a couple of meets with someone and that’s it then find another |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh you've got to move on. I've been ghosted too, but if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt bear in mind something could have happened. Unlikely but possible.
I had a FB (not from here), both in a relationship, and I disappeared on her for almost 3 weeks. But I was in intensive care. Waking up was my main priority. It happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Ha! The worm has turned!
Haha, yes that’s possible! "
Have you booked and paid for the hotel. |
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I just don't understand why people don't tell you they aren't interested though? Why bother ignoring someone so they keep messaging you when you could just say hey sorry but I'm not interested and I just wanted to fuck you once because I'm a guy and have 0 stamina and have no idea how to make a woman cum? I mean it must be great for them - those 10 mins that they last. Lol |
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit.
I’ve booked the hotel both times. He accommodated the first time but can’t always accommodate due to his living situation, he’s definitely single though. I can’t accommodate due to kids.
I'm all for equality and all that but i would make a guy pay for a hotel room then contribute when you get there. Why? Because I have a choice of who I fuck and sorry to say it guys the ratio of men to single women is high. That sounds awful but it's true.
I prefer regular but I also meet people I would potentially meet up regularly with. However I also do occasional one offs . But imo have a few people you meet with, 1. Easier with feelings especially if people you meet get attached easily which happens a lot (I am also in a relationship where my partner knows) 2.if someone let's you down.. Next Fb lol
3. Pick people who like different things. So you get to experience new things as well.
Also tbh he sounds like he isn't interested. Just move onto someone else. "
I do wholeheartedly agree with the hotel split but can see why a man would prefer a the woman to book and then contribute
We all know that there is way more chance of a woman cancelling on a meet than a man
I bet more men are stood up after booking a hotel than a woman
In the OP’s case it would have been gentlemanly to say he was cancelling and offer half anyway |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit.
I’ve booked the hotel both times. He accommodated the first time but can’t always accommodate due to his living situation, he’s definitely single though. I can’t accommodate due to kids.
I'm all for equality and all that but i would make a guy pay for a hotel room then contribute when you get there. Why? Because I have a choice of who I fuck and sorry to say it guys the ratio of men to single women is high. That sounds awful but it's true.
I prefer regular but I also meet people I would potentially meet up regularly with. However I also do occasional one offs . But imo have a few people you meet with, 1. Easier with feelings especially if people you meet get attached easily which happens a lot (I am also in a relationship where my partner knows) 2.if someone let's you down.. Next Fb lol
3. Pick people who like different things. So you get to experience new things as well.
Also tbh he sounds like he isn't interested. Just move onto someone else.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the hotel split but can see why a man would prefer a the woman to book and then contribute
We all know that there is way more chance of a woman cancelling on a meet than a man
I bet more men are stood up after booking a hotel than a woman
In the OP’s case it would have been gentlemanly to say he was cancelling and offer half anyway "
I’ve never cancelled on a guy and left him to pay for a room. Guys are more likely to cancel.
I usually book the room with free cancellation or book it close to the time. I also use rooms just for the day or the guys I know are on business and are in a hotel anyway.
Only once have I been left high and dry when a guy decided not to meet and told me in the morning and it was too late to cancel. Fortunately I managed to get another meet and I’ve been seeing him for two years.
I have a few Fab friends that I meet with. Nothing regular but variety is the spice of life.
Good luck OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men are constantly told it's not impolite to not reply and no reply means not interested. Maybe he's using Fab rules.
Was thinking and have said it many times to be laughed at so good to see a woman say it.
It may not be the case at all. Maybe he's having to work things out for being free on that hotel meet, something could have cropped up.
If you as a woman have booked it, which would be bloody amazing as it's the reason I don't do hotel meets, then message express your concern of his sudden silence saying you need to know so as to cancel without loosing deposit.
I’ve booked the hotel both times. He accommodated the first time but can’t always accommodate due to his living situation, he’s definitely single though. I can’t accommodate due to kids.
I'm all for equality and all that but i would make a guy pay for a hotel room then contribute when you get there. Why? Because I have a choice of who I fuck and sorry to say it guys the ratio of men to single women is high. That sounds awful but it's true.
I prefer regular but I also meet people I would potentially meet up regularly with. However I also do occasional one offs . But imo have a few people you meet with, 1. Easier with feelings especially if people you meet get attached easily which happens a lot (I am also in a relationship where my partner knows) 2.if someone let's you down.. Next Fb lol
3. Pick people who like different things. So you get to experience new things as well.
Also tbh he sounds like he isn't interested. Just move onto someone else.
I do wholeheartedly agree with the hotel split but can see why a man would prefer a the woman to book and then contribute
We all know that there is way more chance of a woman cancelling on a meet than a man
I bet more men are stood up after booking a hotel than a woman
In the OP’s case it would have been gentlemanly to say he was cancelling and offer half anyway "
I think you're right about women more likely to cancel than men. They also may have far more reasons to cancel as well ranging from time of month, baby sitters, partner changes plans, sick child, mother in-law rushed to hospital, work schedule changed etc etc.... I could go on. Some of these guys can have too.
They have far more choice and better options appear more frequently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm.pretty sure 1 tick on WhatsApp means he's blocked you op
I would cancel the room and assume he's moved on.
It would be nice if people were upfront rather than leaving you hanging .
Miss"
I think their profile pic and status disappears also if blocked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just don't understand why people don't tell you they aren't interested though? Why bother ignoring someone so they keep messaging you when you could just say hey sorry but I'm not interested and I just wanted to fuck you once because I'm a guy and have 0 stamina and have no idea how to make a woman cum? I mean it must be great for them - those 10 mins that they last. Lol "
He's either had some major shit happen, or he's a thoughtless doyle. Personally if this happens in future and a fb goes silent for a while when you have a meet planned then message them just asking if you're still going ahead with the meet and stating that No Reply in 48 hours you'll take as a "No" and make other plans. Far less fannying about...
B |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"I'm.pretty sure 1 tick on WhatsApp means he's blocked you op
I would cancel the room and assume he's moved on.
It would be nice if people were upfront rather than leaving you hanging .
Miss
I think their profile pic and status disappears also if blocked. "
1 tick means you have sent it and they haven't received it (could be they haven't turned phone on or removed whats app) 2 ticks they've received but not opened, they then turn blue once they have opened it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Finding a good, reliable fb is rarer than hens teeth, certainly rarer than finding a sexy unicorn. Good luck OP and be prepared for a few false starts. And be aware that, even when you are regularly checking to make sure that you are both happy with how things are going, they might not tell the truth. In my experience men catch ‘feels’ more easily than women, along with jealousy. |
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