FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Have i ruined fab for myself?
Have i ruined fab for myself?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride?? |
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??"
Was he on a single profile ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take a break, clear your head and your feelings and carry on for what was the reason you joined this site....
If it was to find love maybe look elsewhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chalk it down to experience and maybe meet guys from outside your area so if you do meet a married guy again by chance there's less likelyhood of bumping into him in teco with family in tow |
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Personally it sounds like you need a break from this. As this is a form of social media it'll be all too easy to keep looking for him. It'll drive you mad. Nothing worse than having feelings for someone and not being able to let go but you have to unless you want to break up a marriage and ruin those kid's lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??
Was he on a single profile ?"
Does it make any difference to what she is facing?
OP, maybe you need to rethink about what you're wanting. Sounds like you may need to set some carefully constructed boundaries accordingly so as not to let it happen again. Getting too involved without red flags in strategic places is dangerous unless that's what you want.
Taking a break may help you with this issue, it may not. Maybe meeting one or two without meeting them again may help to move on too.
Only you can really know. |
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??
Was he on a single profile ?
Does it make any difference to what she is facing?
OP, maybe you need to rethink about what you're wanting. Sounds like you may need to set some carefully constructed boundaries accordingly so as not to let it happen again. Getting too involved without red flags in strategic places is dangerous unless that's what you want.
Taking a break may help you with this issue, it may not. Maybe meeting one or two without meeting them again may help to move on too.
Only you can really know."
Does it make any difference ?
Of course it does !!
He played her like a cheap guitar - completely different getting used and treated like a fool by a married man as to a potential relationship with a single guy that simply foundered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely gutting to hear that for you; I’ve been burnt before opening up to someone I thought was the one only for them to go back with an ex  don’t let one experience get you down though - there are still tons of decent fellas out there |
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I’ve been there and all I can say is take a break from anything you associate with him if that’s what you need OR do what I did and dive head first into arranging meets with some nice fab peeps and get over that son of a beeeeeech
I’d also send a message to his wife outing his behaviour. So it doesn’t happen to another woman or more importantly to her again! I’d did it and although she thought I was an ass hat she was eventually really glad I did as it turns out he was a serial dater and had 3 other women in the same boat!
Why people think it’s ok to feck with peoples feelings like that I’ll never know, but it happens way too often |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No he claimed to be single. They were holding hands so was pretty obvious. However we were in there holding hands the week before. "
 That was very brave or very stupid of him. If he goes there with his wife, anyone could have seen you with him. |
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I'm single but regularly see more than one person at a time for a drink, meals and of course sex. I always try to be very nice, I'm very attentive and try to be complimentary. But I don't want a single monogomouse relationship so if it even looks like it's going that way I politely and respectfully say thank you and good by. This isn't long term relationships dot com. Use the site for what it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people jump straight back on the horse.
I wait.
Affairs of the heart take time for me to wrap my head around. I have to shield myself in some way to prevent myself from getting hurt. Try to shield others from any hurt I may accidentally cause, by being open about things and getting fear off my chest.
Love hurts when it goes tits up, worse than any physical pain. Confusion, paranoia, rejection, loss, grief and in your particular case.. lies. They hurt like fuck.
Which is why I'm rather cagey and protective about letting certain people, in certain situations get too close.
Despite all that, some people still get under the skin. We can't help who we fall for.
If it's not fun anymore, take a break. You can always come back if you miss it. Or just use the Forum for a bit of fun and forget about sex for a bit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And you wonder why people don't trust one another on here.
It's a reason I don't do relationships or try anymore I'm passed caring about it ... Never had one never will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Falling for someone can happen anywhere & at any time. You might not have went into it with the hopes that more would come from it but it happens.
Set clear boundaries for men & for yourself so that it doesn't happen again. If you decide to stay on fab of course.
Remind yourself that this man lied to you, that everything he said was a fantasy.
It was not real for him. He has his nice family that he walks hand in hand with. That is where his heart is.
Get yourself to a m&g, make some fab friends that you will help you stay on track & find some hot men that make your insides growl & fuck them silly  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been there! It only ruins fab if you let it. I thought I couldn't move on but I have, I didn't block him, I can see he is having fun but so have I!! and where as it used to really bother me to the point of feeling sick, now we have both moved on and I rarely even check him out now. The sooner you try to move on the better ... enjoy yourself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whats interesting about fab is that there are couples on here very much in love and into each other but are happy to see watch play with others and still retain a very strong bond....so maybe its the singles on here male or female that are more vunerable to falling badly for someone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??
Was he on a single profile ?"
Would it make it any better if he had a couples profile without his wife's knowledge? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing wrong with developing feelings, you are human - not a machine.
Dive back in or take a break? I think taking a break will allow you to stew on it. Personally I think you should get your best knickers/bra/basque etc and show everyone how great you are at your local club! You are so much better than him, a million times better.
Remember who you are, his loss! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bless you, so many horrible deceitful people about. Definitely have a break from dating at least until you are recovered. Otherwise anything else will be a rebound. As for casual sex, hopefully it will not be destructive as you are chasing comfort where you been hurt x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Find a guy and fuck him senseless.
Youl soon get over him.  "
As stated above. It’s a horrible feeling to know that you’ve been deceived, worse also that he had included you in his deception.
Though, not everyone is an arsehole. There shall be plenty more men to choose from that are not playing away. I can assure you, there shall also be better sex. |
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"That's why you shouldn't fall for someone and meet other people so less risk"
You can’t choose emotion, only decide what to do with it.
OP he’s a fucking wankstain and you’re hurting. Go through it and it will get easier. Do whatever you think you need to do to help yourself. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I cannot PM you and you probably can’t me.
I’m not going to put my story on here but know this
- it is not your fault
- you were not stupid
- he is a cunt
- it’s going to hurt like hell for a while but you’ll survive
Be good to yourself.
V x
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I know it's very sad but the man you you were falling for doesn't exist, he was showing you a fantasy persona as it wasn't really him, the things he said to you about himself were not true.
I know it hurts really bad, but you were falling for a fantasy, there are nice people on here who will be honest with you, I hope you find one and have a lot of fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.
You're worth more than this scumbag - I pity his poor sucker of a wife."
I'm not a lover of this advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Something similar happened to me a few years back. I was never looking for anything other than fun yet over time feelings developed.
I took a break. Put some boundaries in place to protect myself and eventually got back into the swing of things.
For me there's nothing worse than being lied to. Sadly my trust in people isn't all that great. Lessons learned though x
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??"
I really feel for you - being lied to and having your emotions used and abused is dreadful and unforgivable. There are loads of couples who have met through fab so ignore those who don’t understand the possibility - just a pity he was a lying twat who didn’t deserve your time. Without knowing your circumstances - you may have non-fab friends you can confide in - the hardest thing could be not being able to talk this disaster through with others. If that’s the case, I hope you take some comfort from your fab friends.
Delete him from your life and def get back on the horse - the best revenge 
Xxx Ms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I cannot PM you and you probably can’t me.
I’m not going to put my story on here but know this
- it is not your fault
- you were not stupid
- he is a cunt
- it’s going to hurt like hell for a while but you’ll survive
Be good to yourself.
V x
"
|
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"The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.
You're worth more than this scumbag - I pity his poor sucker of a wife.
I'm not a lover of this advice "
Really? On a swingers site?
Maybe 'take a break then come back and look for someone more honest to have an emotional connection with' would be more appropriate? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve been there and all I can say is take a break from anything you associate with him if that’s what you need OR do what I did and dive head first into arranging meets with some nice fab peeps and get over that son of a beeeeeech
I’d also send a message to his wife outing his behaviour. So it doesn’t happen to another woman or more importantly to her again! I’d did it and although she thought I was an ass hat she was eventually really glad I did as it turns out he was a serial dater and had 3 other women in the same boat!
Why people think it’s ok to feck with peoples feelings like that I’ll never know, but it happens way too often"
that's just nasty and twisted ffs |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"I know it's very sad but the man you you were falling for doesn't exist, he was showing you a fantasy persona as it wasn't really him, the things he said to you about himself were not true.
I know it hurts really bad, but you were falling for a fantasy, there are nice people on here who will be honest with you, I hope you find one and have a lot of fun."
I couldn't have put that first part better if I tried
Take a lil time out OP then come back renewed is what I would say.
Oh and block the twat as he'll likely try and worm his way back in x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.
You're worth more than this scumbag - I pity his poor sucker of a wife.
I'm not a lover of this advice
Really? On a swingers site?
Maybe 'take a break then come back and look for someone more honest to have an emotional connection with' would be more appropriate?"
I'm not a lover of that either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry to confess that I've done something similar in the past. No kids involved though.
Met a wonderful girl on here. We got closer over a period of time. Then it all hit the fan .
Lots of heartbreak and confusion all round. She carried on meets with another fem friend for a while but has since retired and now has a 'straight'boyfreind. I like to think, I helped rebuild her confidencewhìch was destroyed by a previous relationship while we were together but alas she doesn't feel the same.. I still miss her though. |
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By *am62Woman
over a year ago
Bristol |
You can guarantee he has others out there,don't let one fool get you down, pick yourself up and start anew.What goes around comes around, every dog has its day. If his wife found out what he was up to he would cry like a baby. Chin up OP you deserve better than that,hes deceitful, a liar, and full of his own importance. |
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Welcome to the cruel mistress that is Fab.
Don't get me wrong there are many many good kind honest people on this site but fuck me the liars and cheats etc make it hard.
Never known a site like it where people just openly talk so much bullshit on a daily basis.
Luckily the longer you're on the site the easier it is to spot the freaks. |
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By *rossMan
over a year ago
Everywhere |
not read all the comments but if you were in there holding his hand he's surely not going to do that in the same place he shops with his family??? That's asking for it no?! Maybe he's just dating someone else as well, were they her kids? are you 100% sure it's his wife? Have you asked him? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??
Was he on a single profile ?
Does it make any difference to what she is facing?
OP, maybe you need to rethink about what you're wanting. Sounds like you may need to set some carefully constructed boundaries accordingly so as not to let it happen again. Getting too involved without red flags in strategic places is dangerous unless that's what you want.
Taking a break may help you with this issue, it may not. Maybe meeting one or two without meeting them again may help to move on too.
Only you can really know.
Does it make any difference ?
Of course it does !!
He played her like a cheap guitar - completely different getting used and treated like a fool by a married man as to a potential relationship with a single guy that simply foundered."
She was looking if she's ruined fab for herself, whether to continue, what to do now this had happened, not so much shall I continue with this man, is there anything to go on, is there any potential. There isn't other than to continue with him which I think most assumed as has she that it's not happening. She was looking to the next step unless I have completely misread her post. |
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By *pertureTV/TS
over a year ago
New Ferry, wirral in stockings and sussies |
did you presume he was married because he was holding hands or because they were with kids? or do you ask him, holding hands doesnt mean he's married, it might have been his sister jumping to conclusions doesnt make it real. |
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"Some people jump straight back on the horse.
I wait.
Affairs of the heart take time for me to wrap my head around. I have to shield myself in some way to prevent myself from getting hurt. Try to shield others from any hurt I may accidentally cause, by being open about things and getting fear off my chest.
Love hurts when it goes tits up, worse than any physical pain. Confusion, paranoia, rejection, loss, grief and in your particular case.. lies. They hurt like fuck.
Which is why I'm rather cagey and protective about letting certain people, in certain situations get too close.
Despite all that, some people still get under the skin. We can't help who we fall for.
If it's not fun anymore, take a break. You can always come back if you miss it. Or just use the Forum for a bit of fun and forget about sex for a bit?"
This....well said |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes he admitted its his wife and 2 kids. He said " his tried to leave her before but she holds the kids to ransom." Im not sure what to believe and have blocked him on everything, but he did post a letter through my door saying he was heartbroken. Thanks for all the comments i really appreciate them. I think il take a break for a few weeks and then try again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They say the best way to get over someone is to meet someone else and I am sure your inbox will be full of decent offers."
They also forget to say that can damage you in the long run |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice would steer clear of him you don't want to break a marriage up especially with children men have no conscience when cheating she won't even know he is on fab good luck liz x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My partner puts woman on hot list he fancies much older woman we're on as a couple but what I don't get is why men plaster their partners photos but a big majority of males don't show themselves so the partner constantly have to ask what |
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"My advice would steer clear of him you don't want to break a marriage up especially with children men have no conscience when cheating she won't even know he is on fab good luck liz x"
...and other quotes from www.sweepingstatements.com |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes he admitted its his wife and 2 kids. He said " his tried to leave her before but she holds the kids to ransom." Im not sure what to believe and have blocked him on everything, but he did post a letter through my door saying he was heartbroken. Thanks for all the comments i really appreciate them. I think il take a break for a few weeks and then try again. "
He's lied to you, his wife and his family. The bloke is thoroughly dishonest. He could have told you from the start.... he's heartbroken that he has lost his leg over, nothing more. Don't fall for it. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"Yes he admitted its his wife and 2 kids. He said " his tried to leave her before but she holds the kids to ransom." Im not sure what to believe and have blocked him on everything, but he did post a letter through my door saying he was heartbroken. Thanks for all the comments i really appreciate them. I think il take a break for a few weeks and then try again. "
If he lies to the person who is supposed to be his partner in life than he will lie to to anybody, now and in the future.
Regardless of whether he's heartbroken, he still is very capable of weaving a web of lies. Whatever would happen in the future, that is always going to be part of how he is capable of behaving. |
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I'm sorry you've been deceived OP, if in fact you have been. But unless you ask him who she was, I guess you'll never know.
One thing I will say. Someone mentioned contacting his wife. Please don't. If you're feeling hurt and betrayed, she will feel a million times more hurt and betrayed... After all, she didn't meet him on a swinging site for sex and just happen to fall for him (I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just not the same as a marriage... as a family). All that 'woman scorned' type behaviour does is to destroy innocent lives. Have some compassion. If you need to talk things out with him and tell him what you think of him, by all means do it. But don't hurt or punish his family. |
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"Yes he admitted its his wife and 2 kids. He said " his tried to leave her before but she holds the kids to ransom." Im not sure what to believe and have blocked him on everything, but he did post a letter through my door saying he was heartbroken. Thanks for all the comments i really appreciate them. I think il take a break for a few weeks and then try again. "
This is a tale as old as time.
Sorry its happened to you but the harsh reality of sites like this is that people lie. You need to arm yourself against that.
I think its best to discount everything he's told you as I suspect its a last ditch effort on his part to get you to continue the arrangement.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Take a break, clear your head and your feelings and carry on for what was the reason you joined this site....
If it was to find love maybe look elsewhere"
good advice |
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"I'm sorry you've been deceived OP, if in fact you have been. But unless you ask him who she was, I guess you'll never know.
One thing I will say. Someone mentioned contacting his wife. Please don't. If you're feeling hurt and betrayed, she will feel a million times more hurt and betrayed... After all, she didn't meet him on a swinging site for sex and just happen to fall for him (I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just not the same as a marriage... as a family). All that 'woman scorned' type behaviour does is to destroy innocent lives. Have some compassion. If you need to talk things out with him and tell him what you think of him, by all means do it. But don't hurt or punish his family. "
Erm if my other half was playing away and treating me like an idiot I would want to know! |
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??
Was he on a single profile ?
Would it make it any better if he had a couples profile without his wife's knowledge? "
At least the OP would have known he was a lying cheating B**tard lol |
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"Yes he admitted its his wife and 2 kids. He said " his tried to leave her before but she holds the kids to ransom." Im not sure what to believe and have blocked him on everything, but he did post a letter through my door saying he was heartbroken. Thanks for all the comments i really appreciate them. I think il take a break for a few weeks and then try again. "
Personally i would take the letter he put through your door go around to his workplace and push it as far down his throat as it will go! He is playing you off against his family |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
It doesn’t matter what site you use single people aren’t always single. I met a guy on PoF and we fell for each other. I still saw other people from Fab but it wasn’t until much later on that he told me he was married.
Yes I was gutted at the time but I wasn’t looking for anything serious. We deal with these things in different ways. Have fun on Fab and don’t let it affect you too much. |
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What a lying scumbag!
My profile states single men but a couple have tried their luck.
Thankfully, when probed they have owned up and I moved on.
He has deceived his wife and you.Highly likely he may be also meeting others as obviously no moral compass?
Put it down to experience, go on a couple of socials and see if any group socials in your area.
Don't waste anymore time on this man and just go have some fun. |
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"I'm sorry you've been deceived OP, if in fact you have been. But unless you ask him who she was, I guess you'll never know.
One thing I will say. Someone mentioned contacting his wife. Please don't. If you're feeling hurt and betrayed, she will feel a million times more hurt and betrayed... After all, she didn't meet him on a swinging site for sex and just happen to fall for him (I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just not the same as a marriage... as a family). All that 'woman scorned' type behaviour does is to destroy innocent lives. Have some compassion. If you need to talk things out with him and tell him what you think of him, by all means do it. But don't hurt or punish his family.
Erm if my other half was playing away and treating me like an idiot I would want to know! "
That's you though. She may not. Her kids may not. She may feel humiliated. She may have a breakdown. She may harm herself. Unless you know the person involved and how they may react, telling them may present a far bigger risk than you might realise. |
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"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??"
Oh crap
He's a liar and played you well. So sorry OP
Take a break, delete his number if you had it.
Block him etc
If you need a break from fab then definitely take it.
If you come back make direct questions re relationship statuses part of your pre social chat. Add a warning on your profile.
You will get over it. Especially when you visualise him lying to his partner and children about where he was and lying to you every time you were together.
Would you do that to someone you care for?
He's an arse even if he was nice to you, he didn't care about ramifications to you.
There's better both out there and on fab 
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"I'm sorry you've been deceived OP, if in fact you have been. But unless you ask him who she was, I guess you'll never know.
One thing I will say. Someone mentioned contacting his wife. Please don't. If you're feeling hurt and betrayed, she will feel a million times more hurt and betrayed... After all, she didn't meet him on a swinging site for sex and just happen to fall for him (I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just not the same as a marriage... as a family). All that 'woman scorned' type behaviour does is to destroy innocent lives. Have some compassion. If you need to talk things out with him and tell him what you think of him, by all means do it. But don't hurt or punish his family.
Erm if my other half was playing away and treating me like an idiot I would want to know!
That's you though. She may not. Her kids may not. She may feel humiliated. She may have a breakdown. She may harm herself. Unless you know the person involved and how they may react, telling them may present a far bigger risk than you might realise. "
Rather get over it and meet a decent guy whose honest tbh x yes it's hard but there will always be people there to help through it I personally wouldn't want to live a lie x |
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By *bwplaydateMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and travel/hotel |
"Any advice appreciated but i met a guy on here, we got on really really well,wasn't looking for anything other than just a casually but fun friend.. however things got more intense and we couldn't keep away, i was falling for him and him for me. All was going great until i bumped into him & his wife and gorgeous 2 kids in a supermarket.. i was crushed & now im scared to get back into the swing of things, shall we say. I obviously stopped seeing him but all im doing is searching for him. Do i take a break, or get back on the horse and try and find a nicer ride??"
The moment there's any feelings then cut things short and move onto the next one. |
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"I'm sorry you've been deceived OP, if in fact you have been. But unless you ask him who she was, I guess you'll never know.
One thing I will say. Someone mentioned contacting his wife. Please don't. If you're feeling hurt and betrayed, she will feel a million times more hurt and betrayed... After all, she didn't meet him on a swinging site for sex and just happen to fall for him (I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just not the same as a marriage... as a family). All that 'woman scorned' type behaviour does is to destroy innocent lives. Have some compassion. If you need to talk things out with him and tell him what you think of him, by all means do it. But don't hurt or punish his family.
Erm if my other half was playing away and treating me like an idiot I would want to know!
That's you though. She may not. Her kids may not. She may feel humiliated. She may have a breakdown. She may harm herself. Unless you know the person involved and how they may react, telling them may present a far bigger risk than you might realise. "
100% agree with this.
Plus it drags the OP into the middle of what could be a marriage breakup, through no fault of her own, potentially outs her as a swinger, and draws this whole sorry situation out as opposed to letting the dust settle & letting her get over it.
She needs to put herself first & walk away from it all. The wife is not her responsibility. |
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By *appytochatMan
over a year ago
Deep in the New Forest |
Male or female it doesn't matter. Anyone is capable of cheating or being dishonest. Theres plenty of profiles for either sex on here stating they are married and need to be discreet. Sadly you fell for one of the ones that chose not to admit he was married. Stay or go only you know what's right for you. But what ever you decide put it down to one of lifes lessons and apply it to future encounters. Hope you find what you are searching for next time around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry this has happened to you, cyber hugs your way. I'm a kinda impulsive character so would be a quick knee jerk reaction... Best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Not likely to be the best advise but reckon it will be fun at the time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sorry you've been deceived OP, if in fact you have been. But unless you ask him who she was, I guess you'll never know.
One thing I will say. Someone mentioned contacting his wife. Please don't. If you're feeling hurt and betrayed, she will feel a million times more hurt and betrayed... After all, she didn't meet him on a swinging site for sex and just happen to fall for him (I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's just not the same as a marriage... as a family). All that 'woman scorned' type behaviour does is to destroy innocent lives. Have some compassion. If you need to talk things out with him and tell him what you think of him, by all means do it. But don't hurt or punish his family. "
You're right, but also wrong... this situation is so complex. His wife is living a lie, I wouldn't want my life to be false. Waste my chance on a lying c*nt. But taking action could backfire, who knows how she would react - it could be beyond imagination... This also applies to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless you have lived it you really shouldn’t play that game! I was having an affair with someone who was on here and a couple of other sites and she knew I had a wife and she still fell for me. We had an amazing time together but she wanted me to leave my wife and kids and start a new life with her and I couldn’t bring myself to do it - you can call me a coward, liar, cheat, whatever feels appropriate but I chickened out and devastated her life. She came to my house and confronted me and my wife and it was awful for everyone. I stayed with my wife and our marriage gradually fell apart as the kids left home and I am now in the unenviable position of being on antidepressants living apart from my family and feeling about as unattractive as it’s possible to be. My wife suffered horribly from the whole experience and it poisoned our life together even more so than it already was. I am not looking for sympathy for myself but I can tell you that the effects on my wife were horrendous and long lasting, (humiliation, shame, anger, betrayal, suspicion, hurt, etc) so anyone who tells you that it is the right thing to confront the wife is so wrong. It hurt her far more than having the suspicion that I might be having an affair. Why was I having an affair you might ask? Because 25 years of being together had highlighted how differently we felt about sex and I was afraid I might go to my grave having perfunctory and unenjoyable sex. That is selfish maybe but my wife didn’t want to experiment or grow our sex life, the opposite to be honest, and I came to the conclusion that I was the wrong man for her. I should have been honest and left her instead of having affairs. Anyway thats my story from my perspective which may or may not make you feel better OP. I cant vouch for your married man because he wasnt being honest about his situation but not every man is out to cheat and lie just for a quick fuck! Some of us do have complex lives and a conscience! I hope you get past this and find someone OP but dont rush at it, give yourself some time if you can.
Best wishes |
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