FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Sub Drop....
Sub Drop....
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So it’s a thing and it sucks ass! Even more so as my D lives over 200 miles away, so after a meet we don’t get to spend as much time as I’d like together 
Anyone else experienced this and how do you cope with it? Currently sat in bed not wanting to life atm! |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
Lots of phone calls, reassurance etc...
Distance does make it worse, I have a couple of friends who are great at being there when the person I've played with can't be, they provide cuddles and head strokes.
I know it will take me a few days to return to a normal balance so I make sure I've nothing too taxing planned for the days afterwards, including sorting out meal prep in advance, I can go one of two ways, eat nothing cause I can't be bothered or eat the world, with some prep I can have healthy meals but with some treats to help my mood too (treats = chocolate) |
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"Lots of phone calls, reassurance etc...
Distance does make it worse, I have a couple of friends who are great at being there when the person I've played with can't be, they provide cuddles and head strokes.
I know it will take me a few days to return to a normal balance so I make sure I've nothing too taxing planned for the days afterwards, including sorting out meal prep in advance, I can go one of two ways, eat nothing cause I can't be bothered or eat the world, with some prep I can have healthy meals but with some treats to help my mood too (treats = chocolate)"
Chocolate is in the fridge...just have to persuade myself to actually get out of bed 
We’ve spoken this morning and he is super supportive, just completely throws me for six! Crying over the most stupidest of things!
It happens every time, but I hate it! I become this super needy bitch...lol ! So not me!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's hard but know that it will pass. Be kind to yourself and let him know how you are feeling. Sending hugs x
I know it will...it always does...never gets any easier though "
You're right it stinks x |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"Crying over the most stupidest of things!
It happens every time, but I hate it! I become this super needy bitch...lol ! So not me!! "
Yep me too. That's why I have a group of friends (and a couple of partners) who are at the very least scene aware and can help me through it... Even if it's not your D, an understanding cuddle while you cry really can make a world of difference. |
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"Crying over the most stupidest of things!
It happens every time, but I hate it! I become this super needy bitch...lol ! So not me!!
Yep me too. That's why I have a group of friends (and a couple of partners) who are at the very least scene aware and can help me through it... Even if it's not your D, an understanding cuddle while you cry really can make a world of difference."
Such a good idea...although I hate crying in someone’s company
I’ll certainly look into a few trusted friends though, thank you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does he let u play solo if so maybe you need a network of play mates he's approved
Yeah he does, still doesn’t help how I feel today, but sounds like a good idea! Thanks "
it's good to have a network of friends and playmates I have a small network of friends I see regular for fun and drinks and a natter as they're the only ones that understand this life style we have chosen,and I have my rugby and karate mates for normal chat and beers |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
There is a process called anchoring that helps, It is a positive stimulus, however nothing can help better than being held after play.
The emotional/physical drop unfortunately is a by-product from the high, then again I suspect you know that.
If you can anchor a safe space, it has worked for people I have known, |
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"There is a process called anchoring that helps, It is a positive stimulus, however nothing can help better than being held after play.
The emotional/physical drop unfortunately is a by-product from the high, then again I suspect you know that.
If you can anchor a safe space, it has worked for people I have known,"
I get awesome aftercare, I don’t tend to drop until the next day or two depending on what’s gone on...and that’s when he has gone home! I’d love to drop straight after when he is here! Rather than showing a ugly crying face over facetime
He gets it...I get it...it just sucks ass...I will look into anchoring though...sounds interesting |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"There is a process called anchoring that helps, It is a positive stimulus, however nothing can help better than being held after play.
The emotional/physical drop unfortunately is a by-product from the high, then again I suspect you know that.
If you can anchor a safe space, it has worked for people I have known,
I get awesome aftercare, I don’t tend to drop until the next day or two depending on what’s gone on...and that’s when he has gone home! I’d love to drop straight after when he is here! Rather than showing a ugly crying face over facetime
He gets it...I get it...it just sucks ass...I will look into anchoring though...sounds interesting "
Should take the edge off and balance your hormones. Drop isn’t a a good state.
All the best OP. |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
Sub drop is one of the hardest things to deal with. That feeling that nothing matters, nothing is good. When it’s over distance, it’s a nightmare.
For the future, you can plan for it - I find scheduling eight hours of hand to hand combat for the day after helps massively as the exertion releases dopamine and endorphins and the aggression releases adrenaline which helps to chase it away. Plus, I’m surrounded by other people so even if I’m quiet and keeping to myself...it helps.
Right now though, find one of your favourite films or books and immerse yourself in it. It’s not true depression, it’s a physiological response of your body to the high, so escapism actually works. Put on music, upbeat or at least positive and have that in the background. Chocolate isn’t good as it will lead to a sugar crash that will leave you feeling even worse.
Sucks. Utterly sucks. You’ll get through it though *hugs*
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"Well I hope you find a solution op as it's not healthy to pine for days it could lead to hours of depression if not careful"
We only met last night...It lasts for a couple of hours, a day at most tbh...still sucks ass though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The cuddles and 'come down' time after a meet are essential. I normally take a day or so to get back to myself after a meet. Luckily we can meet regularly so it is not so bad for me. "
I didn't realise I had that effect on you lol
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"The cuddles and 'come down' time after a meet are essential. I normally take a day or so to get back to myself after a meet. Luckily we can meet regularly so it is not so bad for me. I didn't realise I had that effect on you lol"
I don't discuss it. I just get through it. But now you know lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The cuddles and 'come down' time after a meet are essential. I normally take a day or so to get back to myself after a meet. Luckily we can meet regularly so it is not so bad for me. I didn't realise I had that effect on you lol
I don't discuss it. I just get through it. But now you know lol "
well food to know I have that effect x |
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"The cuddles and 'come down' time after a meet are essential. I normally take a day or so to get back to myself after a meet. Luckily we can meet regularly so it is not so bad for me. "
It normally takes a couple of hours...a good cry and I’m done! Still sucks ass though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Subdrop sucks so try to have time to do nice things for yourself. It will pass.
I know, movies and bed! Thank you "
u ever thought to film your times together so u can watch it in private when alone |
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"Sub drop is one of the hardest things to deal with. That feeling that nothing matters, nothing is good. When it’s over distance, it’s a nightmare.
For the future, you can plan for it - I find scheduling eight hours of hand to hand combat for the day after helps massively as the exertion releases dopamine and endorphins and the aggression releases adrenaline which helps to chase it away. Plus, I’m surrounded by other people so even if I’m quiet and keeping to myself...it helps.
Right now though, find one of your favourite films or books and immerse yourself in it. It’s not true depression, it’s a physiological response of your body to the high, so escapism actually works. Put on music, upbeat or at least positive and have that in the background. Chocolate isn’t good as it will lead to a sugar crash that will leave you feeling even worse.
Sucks. Utterly sucks. You’ll get through it though *hugs*
"
Sounds like a plan! I’m gonna drag my sorry ass to the gym...pound the treadmill! I’ll get through it, I always do...still never makes it easier though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's also important to discuss it away from play so you both get to decompress. Supporting someone when they drop can also be draining, frustrating or just confusing for the dom.
They also may have a drop which they need support through.
The mind is a complex thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest I never experienced a drop after a meet I actually have a high thinking about what we did and what I want to do next meet that gets me through the days till next meet |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
It may be an idea that time for aftercare is built into your meet. So there is time afterwards for cuddles, being fed the comfort food of your choice and being told what a wonderful sub you are.
Also scheduled phone calls during the week after to connect and chat sometimes helps.
Lots of good ideas on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest I never experienced a drop after a meet I actually have a high thinking about what we did and what I want to do next meet that gets me through the days till next meet"
A sub drop is specific to sub/dom sessions.... not fab meets in general |
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"It's also important to discuss it away from play so you both get to decompress. Supporting someone when they drop can also be draining, frustrating or just confusing for the dom.
They also may have a drop which they need support through.
The mind is a complex thing "
Yeah we do...never gets any easier...and today I was feeling completely alone! Had a morning of self love...chocolate, bubble bath, gym and am now feeling much better! |
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"It may be an idea that time for aftercare is built into your meet. So there is time afterwards for cuddles, being fed the comfort food of your choice and being told what a wonderful sub you are.
Also scheduled phone calls during the week after to connect and chat sometimes helps.
Lots of good ideas on here."
It was...it’s the LDR bit that sucks the most, he is here for such a short time, and flys home today! Problem being I don’t drop straight after play...always the day after, unless he’s there, but it’s when he has to go that it hits me! I’m all good now! But felt really alone this morning  |
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"This can’t be good for your mental health "
Not having a D/s relationship is harmful to my mental health tbh....I need it and can’t function properly without it! It doesn’t seem like much to have to have a day to have a bit of feeling down, as all the chemical levels in the body drop, but the highs....wow....totally worth it! |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"It may be an idea that time for aftercare is built into your meet. So there is time afterwards for cuddles, being fed the comfort food of your choice and being told what a wonderful sub you are.
Also scheduled phone calls during the week after to connect and chat sometimes helps.
Lots of good ideas on here.
It was...it’s the LDR bit that sucks the most, he is here for such a short time, and flys home today! Problem being I don’t drop straight after play...always the day after, unless he’s there, but it’s when he has to go that it hits me! I’m all good now! But felt really alone this morning "
Apologies,sometimes the obvious gets missed which is why I mentioned it.
Have you looked at Luna K's submissive guide, she has some articles on sub drop and LDR? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not a sub but I still experience this after some encounters with him.
The high and rush of euphoria that comes from the sex, the intimacy and the closeness I crave being there and then it's gone.
It's a horrible feeling and I think many probably experience it to some degree but can't always work out their feelings.
My only advice is to keep communication going and be kind to yourself xx |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
That mix of endorphins and hormones is stunning to see.
Just wish it didn’t have the complexity, of physical and emotional complexities for those who suffer.
Creating a safe space works, well it has for people I know. |
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"As I say to all subs, talk to other subs, it’s healthier."
I am new to the sub/Dom scene although wanted it for years. I love the time I get with my Dom. He is very experienced and always makes time at the end of a session for come down and aftercare. But I have never had anyone who understands that I can talk to about the feelings I get after he has left. |
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"It may be an idea that time for aftercare is built into your meet. So there is time afterwards for cuddles, being fed the comfort food of your choice and being told what a wonderful sub you are.
Also scheduled phone calls during the week after to connect and chat sometimes helps.
Lots of good ideas on here.
It was...it’s the LDR bit that sucks the most, he is here for such a short time, and flys home today! Problem being I don’t drop straight after play...always the day after, unless he’s there, but it’s when he has to go that it hits me! I’m all good now! But felt really alone this morning
Apologies,sometimes the obvious gets missed which is why I mentioned it.
Have you looked at Luna K's submissive guide, she has some articles on sub drop and LDR?"
I haven’t but I will now, thank you |
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"As I say to all subs, talk to other subs, it’s healthier.
I am new to the sub/Dom scene although wanted it for years. I love the time I get with my Dom. He is very experienced and always makes time at the end of a session for come down and aftercare. But I have never had anyone who understands that I can talk to about the feelings I get after he has left. "
Well this is a good place to meet those people! I’m always here for a chat...for anyone! And the support I have received this morning through the forum and the private messages has been amazing! |
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"As I say to all subs, talk to other subs, it’s healthier.
I am new to the sub/Dom scene although wanted it for years. I love the time I get with my Dom. He is very experienced and always makes time at the end of a session for come down and aftercare. But I have never had anyone who understands that I can talk to about the feelings I get after he has left.
Well this is a good place to meet those people! I’m always here for a chat...for anyone! And the support I have received this morning through the forum and the private messages has been amazing! "
I have been keep an eye on this thread and reading the advice and will be using a lot of it. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"This can’t be good for your mental health "
It's a short term chemical reaction to the comedown from the body's response to Adrenaline and endorphins. It's no more damaging to mental health than an extreme sport (such as snowboarding) or even to a lesser extent a day at an amusement park. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As I say to all subs, talk to other subs, it’s healthier.
I am new to the sub/Dom scene although wanted it for years. I love the time I get with my Dom. He is very experienced and always makes time at the end of a session for come down and aftercare. But I have never had anyone who understands that I can talk to about the feelings I get after he has left.
Well this is a good place to meet those people! I’m always here for a chat...for anyone! And the support I have received this morning through the forum and the private messages has been amazing!
I have been keep an eye on this thread and reading the advice and will be using a lot of it. "
I'm only ever a text away x |
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Flame and myself are in much the same situation, flame is southwest based, Torquay, so if you ever need someone else who goes through the same thing then message us, I’m sure flame would love to chat with you about how she feels
Sir xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It may be an idea that time for aftercare is built into your meet. So there is time afterwards for cuddles, being fed the comfort food of your choice and being told what a wonderful sub you are.
Also scheduled phone calls during the week after to connect and chat sometimes helps.
Lots of good ideas on here."
It sounds like the aftercare has been less prominent than it should be. The aftcare is probably the most important part of a scene after communication.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suffer bad with sub drop. I can even get meet drop as well.
My own self help tips only play with a Dom who understands your drops and can give you after care before you leave. Make sure at least a quarter of the time you spend together is aftercare.
Have other events and plans after seeing each other (this goes for meets too) plan your next meet. I have to do this so I have something to focus on and get excited about.
Indulge your self. Hot baths. Get under a blanket. Talk to other subs. Talk to non-judmental girl friends- that last one is hard to achieve unfortunately as I've learnt myself.
Feel free to pm if you need a chat. X |
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"It may be an idea that time for aftercare is built into your meet. So there is time afterwards for cuddles, being fed the comfort food of your choice and being told what a wonderful sub you are.
Also scheduled phone calls during the week after to connect and chat sometimes helps.
Lots of good ideas on here.
It sounds like the aftercare has been less prominent than it should be. The aftcare is probably the most important part of a scene after communication.
"
Aftercare isn’t the issue...we had plenty of time for that, I don’t tend to drop he goes home...and I’m on my own! It only lasts a couple of hours....just felt extra lonely yesterday, think it’s because I now have to wait 4 weeks til I see him again! We spoke for hours on the phone yesterday, when he wasn’t in the air...so aftercare really isn’t the issue |
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"I suffer bad with sub drop. I can even get meet drop as well.
My own self help tips only play with a Dom who understands your drops and can give you after care before you leave. Make sure at least a quarter of the time you spend together is aftercare.
Have other events and plans after seeing each other (this goes for meets too) plan your next meet. I have to do this so I have something to focus on and get excited about.
Indulge your self. Hot baths. Get under a blanket. Talk to other subs. Talk to non-judmental girl friends- that last one is hard to achieve unfortunately as I've learnt myself.
Feel free to pm if you need a chat. X "
Thank you |
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"Flame and myself are in much the same situation, flame is southwest based, Torquay, so if you ever need someone else who goes through the same thing then message us, I’m sure flame would love to chat with you about how she feels
Sir xxx"
Thank you |
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Gosh, this has been an eye opener, I hope OP feels better soon. I always assumed any drops after a meet were caused by that back to reality thing. With age I've become super resilient and largely unnafected by anyone or anything, I like that aspect of ageing at least lol. Sounds like having a good understanding of the feelings and support of other subs may help, but it does sound horrible |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So it’s a thing and it sucks ass! Even more so as my D lives over 200 miles away, so after a meet we don’t get to spend as much time as I’d like together
Anyone else experienced this and how do you cope with it? Currently sat in bed not wanting to life atm! "
My previous Dom lived in Scotland and this LD made it hard I had a couple of sub friends I could talk to and a male friend who would look after me if I dropped once my Dom had left. I had a dairy I could write all my emotions down and that helped too x |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
I was in a D/s relationship where the Lady dropped within a minute of us starting to relax, her previous “Dom” would walk away and leave her at times.
When she understood the drop, cognitively she could understand and allow it to happen.
Once that happened the creation of a her own safe space was special place to go to when it happened. |
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"Gosh, this has been an eye opener, I hope OP feels better soon. I always assumed any drops after a meet were caused by that back to reality thing. With age I've become super resilient and largely unnafected by anyone or anything, I like that aspect of ageing at least lol. Sounds like having a good understanding of the feelings and support of other subs may help, but it does sound horrible "
It is! Bloody hate it, but in hindsight soooo bloody worth it  |
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"So it’s a thing and it sucks ass! Even more so as my D lives over 200 miles away, so after a meet we don’t get to spend as much time as I’d like together
Anyone else experienced this and how do you cope with it? Currently sat in bed not wanting to life atm!
My previous Dom lived in Scotland and this LD made it hard I had a couple of sub friends I could talk to and a male friend who would look after me if I dropped once my Dom had left. I had a dairy I could write all my emotions down and that helped too x"
Sounds like a good idea...although I imagine it would be all incoherent ramblings! I’m a total mess for a few hours!! Haha |
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"I was in a D/s relationship where the Lady dropped within a minute of us starting to relax, her previous “Dom” would walk away and leave her at times.
When she understood the drop, cognitively she could understand and allow it to happen.
Once that happened the creation of a her own safe space was special place to go to when it happened."
Yeah, I wish I dropped straight away tbh...wouldn’t have to deal with it on my own then...but I don’t...his company is intoxicating and I’m on a constant high until he leaves! Sucks but worth it in hindsight! Just learning to manage it better
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"Lots of phone calls, reassurance etc...
Distance does make it worse, I have a couple of friends who are great at being there when the person I've played with can't be, they provide cuddles and head strokes.
I know it will take me a few days to return to a normal balance so I make sure I've nothing too taxing planned for the days afterwards, including sorting out meal prep in advance, I can go one of two ways, eat nothing cause I can't be bothered or eat the world, with some prep I can have healthy meals but with some treats to help my mood too (treats = chocolate)"
|
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"Lots of phone calls, reassurance etc...
Distance does make it worse, I have a couple of friends who are great at being there when the person I've played with can't be, they provide cuddles and head strokes.
I know it will take me a few days to return to a normal balance so I make sure I've nothing too taxing planned for the days afterwards, including sorting out meal prep in advance, I can go one of two ways, eat nothing cause I can't be bothered or eat the world, with some prep I can have healthy meals but with some treats to help my mood too (treats = chocolate)
Chocolate is in the fridge...just have to persuade myself to actually get out of bed
We’ve spoken this morning and he is super supportive, just completely throws me for six! Crying over the most stupidest of things!
It happens every time, but I hate it! I become this super needy bitch...lol ! So not me!! "
God! Tell me about it...I get grumpy with my friends who do not understand so have to stay away for fear of upsetting them.....I just keep myself to myself and look forward to the next playtime...usually do starve myself although the last few times have produced an over eating session lasting days so much so that I put on 5 pounds |
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"I find as long as you keep communicating, it helps, even if it’s over WhatsApp.
"
Yes....some times his real life means he is too busy to though, as it is so busy and stressful, and has a lot of people “wanting a piece of him” .... I don’t like to bother him, as I am his stress relief  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find as long as you keep communicating, it helps, even if it’s over WhatsApp.
Yes....some times his real life means he is too busy to though, as it is so busy and stressful, and has a lot of people “wanting a piece of him” .... I don’t like to bother him, as I am his stress relief "
This is very respectful and completely understandable, I don’t know your individual circumstances but as a Dominant I want to know if my submissive is not in a good places and I am certain he would as well. Maybe a question to ask him? You may not want to “bother” him but he may want to know if you are not coping very well. |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"I find as long as you keep communicating, it helps, even if it’s over WhatsApp.
Yes....some times his real life means he is too busy to though, as it is so busy and stressful, and has a lot of people “wanting a piece of him” .... I don’t like to bother him, as I am his stress relief
This is very respectful and completely understandable, I don’t know your individual circumstances but as a Dominant I want to know if my submissive is not in a good places and I am certain he would as well. Maybe a question to ask him? You may not want to “bother” him but he may want to know if you are not coping very well."
Exactly!
Him finding out later that you needed his support should (if he's worth his salt) make him more stressed.... He will want to know and I know in relationships I've been in over the years, I would end up with an actual punishment for not talking about how I was feeling.
And punishment canes are not nice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have videos to remind me of our time together as LD, a 24/7 intense job and life mean that time is more than precious and meets never guaranteed, even on the day... It really sucks. Fuck it sucks |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"I have videos to remind me of our time together as LD, a 24/7 intense job and life mean that time is more than precious and meets never guaranteed, even on the day... It really sucks. Fuck it sucks "
Oh god I know how that goes... And how horrible it can be at least videos help maintain memories. |
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"I find as long as you keep communicating, it helps, even if it’s over WhatsApp.
Yes....some times his real life means he is too busy to though, as it is so busy and stressful, and has a lot of people “wanting a piece of him” .... I don’t like to bother him, as I am his stress relief
This is very respectful and completely understandable, I don’t know your individual circumstances but as a Dominant I want to know if my submissive is not in a good places and I am certain he would as well. Maybe a question to ask him? You may not want to “bother” him but he may want to know if you are not coping very well."
Nice to see a reply from a Dom on this. I know mine is the same if I am struggling he wants to know.
He can't always come to see me to make it better but gives me plenty of reassurance if I am having a hard time.
If he is a good Dom he will want to know if you are not in a good place.
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