FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Struggling allowing hubby to play

Struggling allowing hubby to play

By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

Hi,

We've been swinging for around 6 years now. My husband suggested years before that we should bring an extra guy into our sex lives to spice it up. We have been doing that since and we've enjoyed the company of many guys in many scenarios at our place, clubs and hotels. On their own with hubby watching or participating. I've had a hotel meet with 2 guys on my own whilst hubby is at home receiving pics and vids, I've also had 3 guys similtaniously.

So with all that in mind, now he has asked me if he can play with a girl I'm really struggling with letting it happen and I feel really guilty.

I told him over a year ago that I'd got my head round it and it was all okay. He's been casually looking and has spoken to a girl on here who is interested in meeting him, he met her for a social meet to ensure she was genuine etc.

But I now don't feel like I can go through with it. I want too, I really do, I want him to have fun like I have for the last 6 years. But I just can't wrap my head around it.

Can anyone offer any words if help here?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can totally understand how you feel. I'm not in a couple but know if I was I'd struggle with this too.

I wonder if you need to consider being part of this scenario as he was initially?

tell him how you feel. If you're not comfortable it shouldn't happen .

My understanding of swinging couples is that both should always be comfortable in all situations for it to work.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

Thanks for the reply, much appreciated.

Really looking for help and advise from someone who has been in the same scenario and can share how she overcame her concerns.

As I said I physically want it to happen, but need advise on how to get my head round it xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely you need to get your head around it first? If you can't, it sounds like it's best avoided

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks for the reply, much appreciated.

Really looking for help and advise from someone who has been in the same scenario and can share how she overcame her concerns.

As I said I physically want it to happen, but need advise on how to get my head round it xx"

What exactly are those concerns and are you sharing them with your partner?

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Surely you need to get your head around it first? If you can't, it sounds like it's best avoided "

Absolutely, yes! That's why I'm asking for advise on how to get my head round it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Married for ten years - wife loves to play,never alone. Very cuckold - iam not allowed to play-i wouldn't want to - I love watching her with another man. Swinging is about both of you being happy and not jealous. Hope you sort things out. Sit down and talk to him about your feeling. Nice pics by the way. Happy fabbing x

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"What exactly are those concerns and are you sharing them with your partner? "

Hi, I feel jealousy at the thought of him being with another girl and I'm concerned it might affect us afterwards. We had similar concerns the first time we met with a guy but we went ahead with it and ga'd a plan of discussing any concerns or dislikes afterwards. There was nothing to discuss in the end as we both thoroughly enjoyed it.

Yes I have spoken to him, I've even told him let's just go ahead and do it, but he's delaying it saying he'd rather i get my head round it more first as he doesn't want to risk any damaging aftermath. Naturally he's dissapointed because I told him 12 months ago he could look for single girls or couples because I'd got it sorted in my head, but as soon as he found someone my feelings came straight back. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What exactly are those concerns and are you sharing them with your partner?

I get what you are saying, and really, it seems as if you want to push yourself into something you are uncomfortable with because you fear other consequences if you don't. What do you imagine will happen if you tell him that you can't let him go ahead with it? Is there some fear involved there?

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By *piritsonfabCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

I think it's tough. I struggle their too, but my hubby isn't that bothered about it, he's happy for just me to have fun.

If he suddenly wanted to full swap I'd probably start struggling more ...and then the guilt would start which can be just as bad as jealousy I think.

Why not discuss trying it just once, with you there, and see what happens? You may enjoy it, and if you don't, you never have to repeat it

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple over a year ago

Chester

Have you not considered swinging, as a couple together?

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"I get what you are saying, and really, it seems as if you want to push yourself into something you are uncomfortable with because you fear other consequences if you don't. What do you imagine will happen if you tell him that you can't let him go ahead with it? Is there some fear involved there? "

There's no fear really, I just want to give him something back so to speak. We bought playing with guys into our sex lives to spice it up, he likes it spicy and wants to spice his further.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"I think it's tough. I struggle their too, but my hubby isn't that bothered about it, he's happy for just me to have fun.

If he suddenly wanted to full swap I'd probably start struggling more ...and then the guilt would start which can be just as bad as jealousy I think.

Why not discuss trying it just once, with you there, and see what happens? You may enjoy it, and if you don't, you never have to repeat it"

Thing is my husbands request wasn't sudden, we spoke about if for a long while, we met a couple socially in a club. I even went out with the wife from that couple for a coffee to have a one on one chat about my thoughts and feelings. She really helped and I told him I had got my head all sorted. For whatever reason it didn't happen with that couple, so he's been trawling through fab for ages, I've known about this as he's kept me informed, up until he actually found someone with a mutual interest i was fine. Then reality kicked in.

Trying it a first time and talking afterwards is a definite. But it's getting to that first time! X

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By *hosewhomgonakedCouple over a year ago

Scotland

Read the book 'The Ethical Slut' deals a bit with why we experience different kinds of jealousy and possessiveness.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Have you not considered swinging, as a couple together? "

We have, but we struggle to find other couples where all 4 of us are happy with the 'swap' so that's why we discussed the possibility of a single girl (married and playing alone included). Then that way I could contact one of my regular guys that I know, trust and feel comfortable with whilst he's meeting a girl. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is beginning to sound a bit coercive to me

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Read the book 'The Ethical Slut' deals a bit with why we experience different kinds of jealousy and possessiveness.

Thanks for the advise x

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"This is beginning to sound a bit coercive to me

Which bit? If it's regarding single girl single guy situation. Then that was just as much my idea as his. I'd rather be with someone I'm really happy with whilst he's having fun, than make do with his meets husband/partner who I might not be fully interested in!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is beginning to sound a bit coercive to me

Why?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus is another good read, if you can be bothered as it will explain a lot about how and why we think like we do.

Mrs N has probably got the same in reverse with my Bi sexuality and cuck tendencies. When I introduce something new she says it doesn't turn her on, but her pussy says otherwise and soon gets very wet when we do things. Just try things and if you like try them again and go a little bit further. Try not to think things through so much. Women attach sex to love, while men just well....... like sex and the feeling of their cock getting hard and throbbing when it orgasms LOL.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is beginning to sound a bit coercive to me

I don't understand why you'd try to convince yourself that something is a good idea when it clearly doesn't sit well with you

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"I don't understand why you'd try to convince yourself that something is a good idea when it clearly doesn't sit well with you"

Just because something doesn't sit well now doesn't mean that it won't sit well after some advise from others in similar situations. That's what I seek here.

Having guys join us to start with didn't sit well, but I overcame that and now have a great time when guys join us for fun x

So I'm looking for help and advise here on how to overcome concerns not advise on why I shouldn't x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's just sex, exactly the same as it is with you and the men you have sex with.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Men are from Mars, women are from Venus is another good read, if you can be bothered as it will explain a lot about how and why we think like we do.

Thanks for the advise x

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"It's just sex, exactly the same as it is with you and the men you have sex with.

That's what he says lol and that's how I want to feel. Look at sex with others as fun and entertainment rather than about love and feelings x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't understand why you'd try to convince yourself that something is a good idea when it clearly doesn't sit well with you

Just because something doesn't sit well now doesn't mean that it won't sit well after some advise from others in similar situations. That's what I seek here.

Having guys join us to start with didn't sit well, but I overcame that and now have a great time when guys join us for fun x

So I'm looking for help and advise here on how to overcome concerns not advise on why I shouldn't x"

So you're looking to be convinced rather than pay heed to your own thoughts?

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By *electableDalliancesCouple over a year ago

leeds

I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice, except to say I think with any swinging both of you need to be getting something out of what your doing.

Doing something that feels uncomfortable just to please the other could cause issues down the line. Go with your gut feeling not your head. Feelings are sometimes not logical but always valid x

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"So you're looking to be convinced rather than pay heed to your own thoughts?"

I'm my own woman, nothing will convince me to do anything I don't want too. But there's no harm in exploring methods of advise on my situation. Especially if it works and everything goes great. Rather than giving into my initial feelings and giving up.

Nothing you are saying is helping with my initial request. Don't take this the wrong way but I'm looking for positive influence. I'm capable of then deciding what to do with that myself. X

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice, except to say I think with any swinging both of you need to be getting something out of what your doing.

Doing something that feels uncomfortable just to please the other could cause issues down the line. Go with your gut feeling not your head. Feelings are sometimes not logical but always valid x

Thanks for your thoughts xx

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By *ibblingnewtWoman over a year ago

by the sea

Not if you are uncomfortable with it, keep talking and meet with a female as a couple when it feels right, start with socials

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think the phrase is "having your cake and eating it"...

You're happy to take all the cock you can, yet you're unhappy he may want to have some fun too?

Doesn't sit right with me. Not sure you're both swinging, sounds like you're having a whale of a time, yet your hubby hasn't had anything for 6 years??!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice, except to say I think with any swinging both of you need to be getting something out of what your doing.

Doing something that feels uncomfortable just to please the other could cause issues down the line. Go with your gut feeling not your head. Feelings are sometimes not logical but always valid x

Have to agree with this tbh.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Have you not considered swinging, as a couple together?

Hi. We had exactly the same situation where we struggled to find a 4-wAy couple situation that we all enjoyed. One of us always seemed to get the ‘short straw’ and not particularly enjoy it just go through with it for the sake of our partner.

So we set up single profiles. I have seriously struggled with it. Seeing him go out to meets to enjoy himself while I was at home resentfully letting him. I still struggle from time to time. But I try and reconcile the fact that I can do what I want as you do. In fact I’m positively encouraged to! And we have such a small window of opportunity to do these adventures. We want to reminisce when we are old and retired about what we got up to! I don’t ever want to say ‘oh I wish I’d let you go that’ when it’s too late.

So in summary the way i deal with it is to talk about EVERYTHING. I always seek that reassurance that I am the love, the life partner, the rest is just recreation and opportunity. I like seeing him excited and basically enjoying fun he never had opportunity to do in the past. Life is short.

I’m off for a coffee meet now and if I like him I’ll bring him home!! It’s just recreational and won’t impact our fulfilling life together, will just be something to chat about later!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think the phrase is "having your cake and eating it"...

You're happy to take all the cock you can, yet you're unhappy he may want to have some fun too?

Doesn't sit right with me. Not sure you're both swinging, sounds like you're having a whale of a time, yet your hubby hasn't had anything for 6 years??! "

He's had the pleasure of seeing her with other men. Some guys like that

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By *adyA01Woman over a year ago

Wellington

Hello Op,

Although I am single now, I was in a swinging couple...our situation was different to yours as we wanted to play with other couples and same room...

We enjoyed watching each other with others..

However the first time we met another couple I was very worried about how I would feel seeing him with another woman... As it turned out I found it highly erotic and loved it..

But we played together with others not seperately that way we both felt involved... So my advice would be to ask the lady to join you both first, and explain the situation to her..if she is genuine I am sure she will understand and if you need to call a halt to proceedings then she will understand why...

If you do indeed enjoy meeting all together and get to know the lady yourself, you may find in time you won't have an issue if they meet on their own.. it is all about everyone involved feeling comfortable xxx

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Have you not considered swinging, as a couple together?

I’m off for a coffee meet now and if I like him I’ll bring him home!! It’s just recreational and won’t impact our fulfilling life together, will just be something to chat about later!!

X. "

Thanks for sharing your experience. This is helpful xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Women do tend to over analyse by nature and draw comparisons. Is she better than me? Has she got a nicer figure? Will they kiss etc?

In my experience you can only Swing if you have a good solid relationship built on trust.

Quite often one partner doesn’t have the same boundaries as the other. This can cause feelings of guilt and envy etc.

My advice is to take small steps and talk to each other.

Try introducing a girl into a scenario with both of you first.

You may get thoroughly turned in watching or you may want to withdraw completely.

Sometimes we think we have our heads around something but then our emotions bubble up like lava and self control goes out of the window letting the green eyed monster in.

Try different scenarios. Social meets, nudist beaches, clubs etc and find out where your boundaries are fixed or flexible.

The absolute best advice though is honest communication with each other.

Good luck.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Hello Op,

Although I am single now, I was in a swinging couple...our situation was different to yours as we wanted to play with other couples and same room...

We enjoyed watching each other with others..

However the first time we met another couple I was very worried about how I would feel seeing him with another woman... As it turned out I found it highly erotic and loved it..

Good advise, something we have spoken about together already. Will extend this conversation with him further xx

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Women do tend to over analyse by nature and draw comparisons. Is she better than me? Has she got a nicer figure? Will they kiss etc?

In my experience you can only Swing if you have a good solid relationship built on trust.

Quite often one partner doesn’t have the same boundaries as the other. This can cause feelings of guilt and envy etc.

My advice is to take small steps and talk to each other.

Try introducing a girl into a scenario with both of you first.

You may get thoroughly turned in watching or you may want to withdraw completely.

Sometimes we think we have our heads around something but then our emotions bubble up like lava and self control goes out of the window letting the green eyed monster in.

Try different scenarios. Social meets, nudist beaches, clubs etc and find out where your boundaries are fixed or flexible.

The absolute best advice though is honest communication with each other.

Good luck. "

Thankyou for your insight. X

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By *piritsonfabCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

"Women do tend to over analyse by nature and draw comparisons. Is she better than me? Has she got a nicer figure? Will they kiss etc?

In my experience you can only Swing if you have a good solid relationship built on trust.

Quite often one partner doesn’t have the same boundaries as the other. This can cause feelings of guilt and envy etc.

My advice is to take small steps and talk to each other.

Try introducing a girl into a scenario with both of you first.

You may get thoroughly turned in watching or you may want to withdraw completely.

Sometimes we think we have our heads around something but then our emotions bubble up like lava and self control goes out of the window letting the green eyed monster in.

Try different scenarios. Social meets, nudist beaches, clubs etc and find out where your boundaries are fixed or flexible.

The absolute best advice though is honest communication with each other.

Good luck. "

Great helpful advice.

And OP, well done for not listening to nay sayers who havent listened to what you were asking.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That all important word TRUST was in that post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's just sex, exactly the same as it is with you and the men you have sex with.

"
This

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By *reenleavesCouple over a year ago

North Wales

I think we're loosely in a similar position to you, OP. I (Rob) am happy watching Steph doing pretty well whatever she's comfortable doing.

During our conversations about feelings, she's said she feels bad because she doesn't think she'd feel the same about watching me with a woman. She feels a little selfish that it's not a two way street. I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement, however, as Im a natural voyeur.

We have involved another woman in done joint soft play, where her and Steph took turns giving me oral. She felt OK with that as she was directly involved. So I guess our situation works where everyone is directly involved and she's not just a spectator.

Maybe this could work for you, OP? A soft play FFM where no one's left on the sidelines? Ultimately, don't get yourself into a situation you're uncomfortable with. You have the rest of your lives to explore your limits. You don't need to rush anything you're not happy with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think the phrase is "having your cake and eating it"...

You're happy to take all the cock you can, yet you're unhappy he may want to have some fun too?

Doesn't sit right with me. Not sure you're both swinging, sounds like you're having a whale of a time, yet your hubby hasn't had anything for 6 years??!

He's had the pleasure of seeing her with other men. Some guys like that "

Which was in fact his idea in the first place

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By *empsey and hotpieceMan over a year ago

North west

Every couple have a different dynamic, but this screams out one thing to me.

You should try a cuckqueen scenario, that way you can watch and have an input.

Doesn’t sound like you’re ready for him to play alone with another lady, and for that reason you should avoid it for now.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"What exactly are those concerns and are you sharing them with your partner?

You are being honest and he is not wanting to take any chances in case it backfires on you both.

I don't think anyone knows what reaction there is going to be when you first start swinging or change the way you swing as you know from when you first started.

However if you really are not sure that you will be able to cope seeing him / knowing he is with another woman then I don't think you should force yourself to get your head around it. Some things are just not for you. I also don't think there should be any guilt because you had another man while swinging, swinging is about what you are all comfortable with.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

Thanks everyone for your input so far. Mostly very useful xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd stop at that point, as none of that sounds comfortable.

Hubby didn't wanna play with female half of a couple we were with one time and felt embarrassed about it, so we promised never to do anything either of us didn't feel comfortable with.

If you say no to him, the likelihood is he will feel really uncomfortable about you with men in the future, in which case you'd maybe end up resenting him as he's ruining your fun.

Things can manifest in swinging relationships, you need to be careful and remember what's important

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"I think the phrase is "having your cake and eating it"...

You're happy to take all the cock you can, yet you're unhappy he may want to have some fun too?

Doesn't sit right with me. Not sure you're both swinging, sounds like you're having a whale of a time, yet your hubby hasn't had anything for 6 years??! "

And? I’m not sure how this a helpful comment at all. Just because it doesn’t sit right with you doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone else’s relationship.

OP - I absolutely have my cake and eat it too. Right now we are more than happy with the hot wifing scenario but we’ve talked in depth about when it would be ok for Mr to potentially join in. Even though I do it, there is literally 0% chance I would ever be ok with him going off to meet another woman. And that’s ok because it works for us.

He clearly only wants to do this with your blessing. Talk to him. He honest and open about your feelings.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"I'd stop at that point, as none of that sounds comfortable.

Hubby didn't wanna play with female half of a couple we were with one time and felt embarrassed about it, so we promised never to do anything either of us didn't feel comfortable with.

If you say no to him, the likelihood is he will feel really uncomfortable about you with men in the future, in which case you'd maybe end up resenting him as he's ruining your fun.

Things can manifest in swinging relationships, you need to be careful and remember what's important "

You would stop at what point?

Good advise, I don't want to resent him if he starts to feel uncomfortable with me still playing and I wouldn't blame him in all honesty either.

It's working out whether getting my head around doing it might be best for our relationship in the long run. If it all goes well it could be excellent for both of us and make our relationship stronger still. Or I could hate it and it'll cause us issue. But not doing anything could have exactly the same 2 outcomes!

Emotions eh?? Need a switch of a pause button xx

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By *igbootybabeWoman over a year ago

Bristol

Played as a couple for 4 years..

I would absolutely say that you would be better off having a social meet with a female together and ig it goes well nrimh her back gor fun with both of you

Could be soft swing at first? Kissing..oral... perform oral on him together..etc.. this way it feels more like you are sharing him than giving him up to another woman. If you enjoy it try it again with full sex..if you enjoy that progress to a full swap pr where you maybe arent present..

In your case i think baby sreps rather than "sending him out" to a meet x

I think its fair you try for him...he may have felt like this before you did but he tried for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why not meet as a ffm... and go from there x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd stop at that point, as none of that sounds comfortable.

Hubby didn't wanna play with female half of a couple we were with one time and felt embarrassed about it, so we promised never to do anything either of us didn't feel comfortable with.

If you say no to him, the likelihood is he will feel really uncomfortable about you with men in the future, in which case you'd maybe end up resenting him as he's ruining your fun.

Things can manifest in swinging relationships, you need to be careful and remember what's important

You would stop at what point?

Good advise, I don't want to resent him if he starts to feel uncomfortable with me still playing and I wouldn't blame him in all honesty either.

Emotions eh?? Need a switch of a pause button xx

If I was in your shoes I'd stop at this point.

I'd be deleting profile and focusing on my relationship now and discuss maybe rejoining in the future.

You're at a point where no couple should get to, where you start to question something and that's the seed planted which grows into terrible consequences.

If you say to him no. He will accept it but i guarantee he would become uncomfortable with you with men, even though he'd not say it out loud.

If you say yes, you'll hate it and question everything too.

You can't win, take a break

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Played as a couple for 4 years..

I would absolutely say that you would be better off having a social meet with a female together and ig it goes well nrimh her back gor fun with both of you

In your case i think baby sreps rather than "sending him out" to a meet x

I think its fair you try for him...he may have felt like this before you did but he tried for you

Great advise. Thankyou x

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"If I was in your shoes I'd stop at this point.

I'd be deleting profile and focusing on my relationship now and discuss maybe rejoining in the future.

You're at a point where no couple should get to, where you start to question something and that's the seed planted which grows into terrible consequences.

If you say to him no. He will accept it but i guarantee he would become uncomfortable with you with men, even though he'd not say it out loud.

If you say yes, you'll hate it and question everything too.

You can't win, take a break

Thanks for your reply and great advise xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you play and so should he be allowed to play with other females.simple as.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Then maybe “Swinging” with other couples isn’t for you! you can’t have jealousy in this! it never works & personally I think it’s shelfish one partner getting more fun than the other I would never do that to mine if you both can’t enjoy the experience what is the point in doing it my opinion anyway x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a selfish, self centred attitude!

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"What a selfish, self centred attitude! "

Me or him?

Please elaborate in a constructive way. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You by the sounds of it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just have 3sums u both can enjoy then no hassle x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If its of any help here's my experience of this.

My wife has been playing away for about 5 years or so... Initially without me knowing, but I won't bore you with details, but now she does with my knowledge and blessing. More recently when I said about me playing away she was much like you are now but she did eventually agree, so when I found someone I spoke to her before we actually played and told her I wouldn't if she didn't want me to. She agreed it wasn't fair that she should play and I couldn't so she said yes.

I then had a fwb relationship for a few weeks and my wife also went out and found one at the same time.

To cut a long story short she is happy with the situation as it stands now, and is happy that I am actively looking for another fwb.

In time I am hoping, as and when she agrees, we will become a proper swinging couple.

So for me it has turned out well but I did make sure she was happy before I found someone.

For you, make sure you are happy for it to happen and talk to him about things.

The last thing you want to do is to let him do this if you are not entirely happy with it.

I waited for my wife to agree and it took a few years for her to do so and yes I did find it frustrating but I wasn't going to do anything without her consent.

Good luck to you.

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By *ewbies7Couple over a year ago

north west

Great story guys, hope you can work it out.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"you play and so should he be allowed to play with other females.simple as."

No one should do something they don't want to. It isn't a tit for tat thing

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

To the OP, would you feel better if you were there to watch or join in?

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By *andare63Man over a year ago

oldham

Sorry no words of help other than you’ve had 6 years of having your cock and eating it ... play the game

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By *electableDalliancesCouple over a year ago

leeds

"What a selfish, self centred attitude! "

Maybe one half of a couple being fine with the other half going along with something that makes them uncomfortable could be seen as selfish ?

To me if you’re in a couple both sides have to enjoy the play ( even just as a voyeur) if one isn’t then that’s the decision made.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sorry no words of help other than you’ve had 6 years of having your cock and eating it ... play the game "

Oh behave

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"To the OP, would you feel better if you were there to watch or join in?"

I don't really know, I guess it could make it easier it could make it harder. He's happy either way but has mentioned concerns that he doesn't want me to just go with the girls other half to make do and if he sees me not enjoying myself it'll be awkward for all. I'd like one of my regular guys to play with I think. But it's putting everything together to make it work.

The other problem we've found is lack of interests from girls. He has spoken to and had a social with one married girl who's hubby let's her play. But she normally meets single guys, so to throw a concerned wife her way is something she's not used to and makes it awkward xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If I was in your shoes I'd stop at this point.

I'd be deleting profile and focusing on my relationship now and discuss maybe rejoining in the future.

You're at a point where no couple should get to, where you start to question something and that's the seed planted which grows into terrible consequences.

If you say to him no. He will accept it but i guarantee he would become uncomfortable with you with men, even though he'd not say it out loud.

If you say yes, you'll hate it and question everything too.

You can't win, take a break

100% this

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By *untimes6969Man over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"Every couple have a different dynamic, but this screams out one thing to me.

You should try a cuckqueen scenario, that way you can watch and have an input.

Doesn’t sound like you’re ready for him to play alone with another lady, and for that reason you should avoid it for now.

Exactly what I was going to say - best of both worlds for you both! It would certainly be a starting point!

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"To the OP, would you feel better if you were there to watch or join in?

Yeah I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that if I was her either.

So another question, when you decided to play with men, did you have the same reservations? Did you feel like it might go horribly wrong but took the chance anyway because it was something you both wanted to do? I would say from our experience that is normal as no one would know how you are going to react to your OH having sex with another person, no matter how hot you think the fantasy is.

If you are feeling like that now, then maybe him trying it out will make you decide one way or the other as to whether it is something you want to happen

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By *hoenix CoupleCouple over a year ago

Northallerton

OK so this is Mr P here commenting. I don't like Mrs P playing with other guys and she is happy with that but it is a bit one sided. Recently we have done some soft stuff with guys that we have both had fun with and that doesn't cross boundaries. Having said that it's far easier to find a guy that to find a single woman! I think there is a compromise for couples like us.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple over a year ago

Chester

"OK so this is Mr P here commenting. I don't like Mrs P playing with other guys and she is happy with that but it is a bit one sided. Recently we have done some soft stuff with guys that we have both had fun with and that doesn't cross boundaries. Having said that it's far easier to find a guy that to find a single woman! I think there is a compromise for couples like us. "

You don't like

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By *andare63Man over a year ago

oldham

"Sorry no words of help other than you’ve had 6 years of having your cock and eating it ... play the game

Oh behave "

Welllllll cmon ,,,,, I find behaving at times difficult it’s the voices !!

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By *eerobCouple over a year ago

solihull

You Both have to be happy with the situation. It does seem unfair but there was no deal, if you don't like hubby playing now you must tell him, it could ruin your relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You don't like

Why should he? Everyone is different.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple over a year ago

Chester

You don't like

Why should he? Everyone is different. "

Saying he doesn't like it seems very infair situation. It initially read that he'd encouraged a hotwife setup

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Yeah I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that if I was her either.

If you are feeling like that now, then maybe him trying it out will make you decide one way or the other as to whether it is something you want to happen"

Exactly that, I had more reservations than he did about guys joining us or me playing with them. But we talked it through and overcame them. Then had a guy join us. Spoke afterwards and we were both absolutely fine. Infact we were that fine with it we had sex I think 9 times in the next 7 days. We were so horny for each other!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You don't like

Why should he? Everyone is different.

Saying he doesn't like it seems very infair situation. It initially read that he'd encouraged a hotwife setup

This is a different couple to the OP or did I miss a previous post of theirs?

Anyway its up to every couple to negotiate their own arrangements, we all have different boundaries

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think it's wrong to come out with phrases like "it's only fair" and "having your cake and eating it" - we're all individuals and react different ways to different things, even if those things may seem similar at first glance.

So can totally understand how it might be alright for the OP to be comfortable meeting other men, with her husband's complete consent and encouragement, yet struggle to get her head round the same situation in reverse.

This is not necessarily about "fairness" in the way it's being interpreted by some on this thread, but about finding levels of comfort with a situation and no-one should ever do something they are uncomfortable with - yes on one level it is "just sex" but knowing that and feeling it are two distinctly different things.

A couple of questions for you OP - if you said to your husband , I can't let you do it, much as I have tried to get my head round it, I just can't - how would he react?

If he then asked you to stop meeting other guys, how would you react?

It sounds like you are both being open and honest about this and how you feel about it and that is exactly how it should be - it's when one half won't talk openly and honestly, or is guarded in what they tell about a meet, or won't acknowledge the others feelings on a situation that the problems creep in.

A couple of suggestions for you, to go along with some of the very good suggestions made already about meeting with a lady together to start with - you've mentioned clubs, you could always go to one together and potentially find someone maybe even start to play together as a three but if you're comfortable to do so, you leave him and the lady to it after a while and go and sit in the social area, hot tub etc or even just sit back and watch them. Would need to be discussed with the other person first of course but might be a way of taking baby steps whilst keeping you involved.

Another thought, is your fear that he might meet someone regular and end up falling for them? If so, how would you feel if you agreed a boundary that he only met people once (or twice if you include a social)?

Maybe another way to go to test the water would be for you both to have solo profiles here that you interact from on the agreement that you can each access the others on request, might help you get used to the idea in a more controlled way?

Ultimately though it comes down to yours and his comfort with anything and you should never compromise on that as it WILL lead to resentment.

Good luck

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By *orthyorkypairCouple over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"What exactly are those concerns and are you sharing them with your partner?

Is the " not being allowed to play with a woman" bothering him that much? because TBH if it isnt then my advice would be "Stay as you are" we are in ssimilar situation in as much as kitten would deffo feel jealousy, ans i am more than happy to stick to her playing, me joining in etc

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple over a year ago

Chester

You don't like

Why should he? Everyone is different.

Saying he doesn't like it seems very infair situation. It initially read that he'd encouraged a hotwife setup

This is a different couple to the OP or did I miss a previous post of theirs?

Anyway its up to every couple to negotiate their own arrangements, we all have different boundaries

Exactly agree so it's their choice hence something they sort out between them

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"I think it's wrong to come out with phrases like "it's only fair" and "having your cake and eating it" - we're all individuals and react different ways to different things, even if those things may seem similar at first glance.

A couple of questions for you OP - if you said to your husband , I can't let you do it, much as I have tried to get my head round it, I just can't - how would he react?

If he then asked you to stop meeting other guys, how would you react?

Ultimately though it comes down to yours and his comfort with anything and you should never compromise on that as it WILL lead to resentment.

Good luck

Thankyou for such a grest message and advise. X

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"Is the " not being allowed to play with a woman" bothering him that much? because TBH if it isnt then my advice would be "Stay as you are" we are in ssimilar situation in as much as kitten would deffo feel jealousy, ans i am more than happy to stick to her playing, me joining in etc

I think it does bother him if I'm honest, doesn't help that I met with a girl from a couple for a chat with potential for it to go further 12 months ago. I said I was all fine with it and have told him to find single girls for him to play with whilst I'm busy with a guy. Now they he's found someone of interest I've changed my tune. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi,

So with all that in mind, now he has asked me if he can play with a girl I'm really struggling with letting it happen and I feel really guilty.

But I now don't feel like I can go through with it. I want too, I really do, I want him to have fun like I have for the last 6 years. But I just can't wrap my head around it.

Can anyone offer any words if help here? "
well here be the problem with doing things outside of the couple dynamic ,I understand your trepidation but you yourself have done it for your enjoyment, it's always going to be difficult to say no to him now but if that's how you feel you have to just say no you're not comfortable with him meeting other women ,if he gets upset then quit swinging because it would be unfair to continue as you were

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

" well here be the problem with doing things outside of the couple dynamic ,I understand your trepidation but you yourself have done it for your enjoyment, it's always going to be difficult to say no to him now but if that's how you feel you have to just say no you're not comfortable with him meeting other women ,if he gets upset then quit swinging because it would be unfair to continue as you were "

That's a possibility we might have to face as I appreciate he may not want to continue. But both our concerns then are that we bought guys into our sex lives to spice it up. Remove that element and it reverts back to Vanilla, something we agree is not enough (hence the guy involvement in the first place). If its not enough for him, me or us, then what?

That's my predicament x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's my predicament x "

That's a sorry state

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

" That's a sorry state"

Thanks for the advise. Very helpful x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's my predicament x "
well you can't have your cake and eat it I'm sure you realise that hence the thread and hence why many couples fall by the wayside doing this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's my predicament x "

That confirms my earlier worries about this.

You really need to stop. Genuinely, stop with fab. x

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

"well you can't have your cake and eat it I'm sure you realise that hence the thread and hence why many couples fall by the wayside doing this "

I know that 100%, that's why I'm here seeking advise.

Had some great advise so far. Just a shame some people are too busy offering opinion rather than advise. If someone has no experience of my situation or similar and can't offer advise then I'm not interested in your opinion.

not a reference to you btw.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple over a year ago

luton

OP wouldn't playing with couples be an option, same room swap type of play so you can see him enjoy himself. May help you to gauge your feelings of him playing with another woman?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"well you can't have your cake and eat it I'm sure you realise that hence the thread and hence why many couples fall by the wayside doing this

I know that 100%, that's why I'm here seeking advise.

not a reference to you btw.

"
I know the pitfalls I had friends a couple on here and they were in a similar situation but she decided she didn't want to play anymore he tried to carry on for about 7 months after she stopped going to house parties but as a single guy he soon realised that it's not as easy as being a part of a couple and he's stopped now to but their relationship was strong enough for her to allow him to lose interest of his own vocation ,in your case by the sounds of it you want to carry on as it was ,you just have to talk to him and hope he respects your feelings on it ,which he may well do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For a single on here. I can see your mental anguish, I have also seen the demise of couples who were very experienced. If you have someone who is a keeper why fuck others its a time bomb to some couples. Its also obvious to me who leads some couples and the spouse just plays to keep together.

You have some guys your fond of now and happy to play with one of those while he plays.

BUT you dont want him to have any fondness for another woman.

I doubt you can turn the clock back and go back to 'normality', so you are in a huge dilemma.

Some good advice from me is to talk to the woman beforehand, meet for a social. Ask her what shes looking for. Go with your gut and be at the first meet. Not to join in and pretend to be bi, like a lot of couples who obviously arent. Just sit in a corner and if your happy say and leave the room. If you cant handle it say. If it turns you on also say.

You may be surprised how you react but always talk to each other. Its just another first experience. He will be a little frustrated with the dither but he is the instigator so he needs to value your concerns.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My advice would be for you both to take a break and work on you guys as a couple. Talk about what you want going forward, decide between you 2 where it goes and what you hope to gain, set you some boundaries and ground rules then revisit and see if it’s still what you want to do. At the end of the day your relationship is what matters, and if it could effect the relationship in a negative way is swinging really worth it.

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By *arahBaby123Woman over a year ago

WORCESTER

I know from experience that even with the best intentions, insecuritues can bubble away.

I met my partner in a club 6 months ago and to cut a long story short we are so much more that fuck buddies...I would say we are very much in love.

I am very happy for him to go to a club or party with or without me and if he ends up playing with one or several women throughout the event then fine. I would not bat an eyelid if he went off to a gb on a weekly basis ( he doesn't, lol) ... but what I would find difficult is if he met a woman and saw her alone..and if he took her to an art gallery I would be devasted! It sounds mad but that's how it is.

In short it is the intimacy I would be jealous of...and it is jealousy - and the fear of losing him, however irrational that may be.

This swinging life is fabulous but you need to decide what is and isn't going to work for you as a couple...and it has to be fair and fun for you both.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For me, it would be identifying what you would be jealous about, any insecurities, what fears you have and see if these can be managed. Eg one off meets for him. It is difficult for guys to get meets with single women, so their could be resentment, if you agree and change your mind. He may have to wait another 4 months to arrange a meet.

Clubs maybe an option, where you can both play.

It is a difficult one and not easy. Hope you can work it out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My advice would be for you both to take a break and work on you guys as a couple. Talk about what you want going forward, decide between you 2 where it goes and what you hope to gain, set you some boundaries and ground rules then revisit and see if it’s still what you want to do. At the end of the day your relationship is what matters, and if it could effect the relationship in a negative way is swinging really worth it."

I'm concerned the OP is too deep into this and may worry that losing her regular fab guys will make her resent her husband.

If you find the attention you get on here becomes more important than your relationship you need to stop stop stop.

I fear for this couple now.

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

I'm concerned the OP is too deep into this and may worry that losing her regular fab guys will make her resent her husband.

If you find the attention you get on here becomes more important than your relationship you need to stop stop stop.

I fear for this couple now.

No fear required I just want to get this sorted to make us both happy as much as physically possible. Lots of great advice on here including yours so thank you very much I'll be putting some of this into action I'm seeing where we go from hear xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We play separate but only in clubs, then it takes abit of worry about them getting too close out of the equation, I’m not Like usual girls though i don’t feel jealous over it at all it a rouses me that someone is pleasuring him and he’s going to come home after and tell me all about it, he suffered with jealousy until it happened but it was just the fear of the unknown, once it happened he realised he liked it. I would suggest giving couples another go but what you said about both finding singles work too, nothing stopping you all playing at the same club or house at the same time so you can stop it if you change your mind but I think once it’s started you’ll be fine. You could even be there and “direct” if mr and the lady agrees it can be really hot telling her exactly how to pleasure your man or start with a three some so your involved. As long as your emotionally secure in your relationship I’m sure it will be fine, sex is amazing with someone you love but it doesn’t have to connect to love at all, it’s just remembering that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm concerned the OP is too deep into this and may worry that losing her regular fab guys will make her resent her husband.

If you find the attention you get on here becomes more important than your relationship you need to stop stop stop.

I fear for this couple now.

Hopefully for everyone's sake your profile disappears for a while, while you work on your relationship properly. Xx

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Interesting thread.

If it was a guy posting this he would have had dogs abuse thrown at him for being a cad and a bownder.

However

Our situation is not a million miles from this except Mrs actively want's me to play,but it's my nerves that are stopping me.

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By *humper9erMan over a year ago

Rocklin

Been there, done that. My now ex wife played separate from me for a few years and we played together with a few, 3 or 4 guys. a couple times we did have another woman, but, the ex was never really comfortable with it, until, one night we were with another couple. The other man was playing with my wife and when his wife and I really got into it, the man had her watch us together. When she actually saw just how sensual it was to just watch and at one point, was even taken out of the room, leaving my new playmate and I alone, she heard the "other woman" cry out thru several Orgasms, even cause my ex to experience her first ever squirting Orgasm. I was allowed to play on my own as she was. A year later, she actually "fell in love" with a much younger guy and he with her. I have actually not missed her much at all! I would hope you could get to the place where you can let him play, with permission, yet, not have your marriage broken up. From the many couples I know, our break up is the exception to what the others experienced. I'm now a single and except for the several couples and few single gals I know well, I haven't had a new Play mate in a while now. Take your time and talk it thru with your mate!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting thread.

If it was a guy posting this he would have had dogs abuse thrown at him for being a cad and a bownder.

However

Our situation is not a million miles from this except Mrs actively want's me to play,but it's my nerves that are stopping me."

So true and it is an interesting thread

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

We have a situation where we meet people separately. I get off on knowing she is with her other men and want to know all the details, whilst she is OK with me seeing other women, but it doesn't do anything for her and she doesn't want to know the details, just when I am seeing someone.

My take is that its necessary to have a strong relationship where you both prioritise each other and that you are able to keep agreed boundaries. You have to not have any sexual, as opposed to emotional jealousy.

You either can or can't do that. If you can't this sort of thing is best avoided

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting thread.

If it was a guy posting this he would have had dogs abuse thrown at him for being a cad and a bownder.

However

Our situation is not a million miles from this except Mrs actively want's me to play,but it's my nerves that are stopping me.

So true and it is an interesting thread"

And yet they are the ones that probably need it most, I know my mr could have done with support when we started, but there’s too much ego and competition, shame

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By *ancysomefun18Man over a year ago

West Dorset

"If its of any help here's my experience of this.

I then had a fwb relationship for a few weeks and my wife also went out and found one at the same time.

To cut a long story short she is happy with the situation as it stands now, and is happy that I am actively looking for another fwb.

In time I am hoping, as and when she agrees, we will become a proper swinging couple.

So for me it has turned out well but I did make sure she was happy before I found someone.

For you, make sure you are happy for it to happen and talk to him about things.

The last thing you want to do is to let him do this if you are not entirely happy with it.

I waited for my wife to agree and it took a few years for her to do so and yes I did find it frustrating but I wasn't going to do anything without her consent.

Good luck to you. "

Is your wife on here?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know exactly how you feel, I struggle with this too, and I feel such a hypocrite. I think with me it stems from insecurity and lack of self esteem, I have lots of ‘what if’ questions, what if he finds her more attractive / intelligent/ funnier etc than me? It is difficult to try to detach yourself and to compartmentalise it and to say bravely ‘nah doesn’t bother me’...but it does...

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By *ixey and CopperCouple over a year ago

Exeter

Save a bit of money and treat yourselves to an erotic couples massage with another lady, an escort or similar. There are some very professional services out there.

Then test the water and see how you feel seeing him being touched by another lady.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

You don't like

Why should he? Everyone is different.

Saying he doesn't like it seems very infair situation. It initially read that he'd encouraged a hotwife setup

I don't get this from a couple who swing,there must be lots of swingers who have some things you wouldn't want your partner doing and vice versa. We all have boundaries

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know exactly how you feel, I struggle with this too, and I feel such a hypocrite. I think with me it stems from insecurity and lack of self esteem, I have lots of ‘what if’ questions, what if he finds her more attractive / intelligent/ funnier etc than me? It is difficult to try to detach yourself and to compartmentalise it and to say bravely ‘nah doesn’t bother me’...but it does...

Your not alone. Same here.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

Isn't it just a question of being realistic. Katie likes younger men

Objectively they're more physically attractive than me and she gets off on their attractiveness.

Why should I be bothered by that,

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By *irty doggXXXMan over a year ago

Milton keynes

I dread to think of the abuse a guy would gave got if he posted the same thing! Being called controlling and selfish etc.

Think yourself lucky.

As for advice, I'd say stop swinging all together until you're able to let him have what he wants too. I don't see your relationship lasting if you can't give him what he gives you.

Also it would be nice to hear his input and thoughts on the matter, not just yours, as you are a couple right?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Yeah I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that if I was her either.

If you are feeling like that now, then maybe him trying it out will make you decide one way or the other as to whether it is something you want to happen

The same happened with me...the OH was convinced he was going to love it, I was apprehensive of whether I could even go through with it, it turned out I loved it, he loved it so we did it again...and again

The point is though, if you are feeling the same concerns now then I think it is normal. The thing is, like anything you try in swinging, if it isn't suited to one of you then you wouldn't do it again. If it does happen and you don't like it then you could always not do it again

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By *tarbeckCouple over a year ago

york

"It's just sex, exactly the same as it is with you and the men you have sex with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hes allowed you to swing so he should be able to do the same.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Interesting thread.

If it was a guy posting this he would have had dogs abuse thrown at him for being a cad and a bownder.

However

It wouldn't. She isn't doing anything behind her husbands back

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Yeah I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that if I was her either.

If you are feeling like that now, then maybe him trying it out will make you decide one way or the other as to whether it is something you want to happen

Or if you decide you can't do it, then tell him , if you have a strong relationship and a good attitude to swinging then he won't want to do anything that would upset you and vice versa

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My partner and I started our swinging by having a 3way. I was a bit unsure how I'd react but found I don't mind him being with other women, it doesn't necessarily turn me on to watch but I dont feel anything negative about it. I am yet to sleep with another guy and he has been honest that he is also very unsure about how he will feel seeing me being fucked by another man but he said hed rather see how he feels after the situation than avoid it completely. We just make sure we talk through every play session thoroughly afterwards, how we feel, what we did or didn't like.

And personally as much as other people say its not about fair and unfair as a couple we both feel it is, since neither of us are bisexual then if one of us wasnt comfortable with the other sleeping with the opposite sex then we would both stop to avoid any resentment damaging our relationship.

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting thread.

If it was a guy posting this he would have had dogs abuse thrown at him for being a cad and a bownder.

However

It wouldn't. She isn't doing anything behind her husbands back"

I don't think that's what they are saying,we know it's in the open

I think,they are saying if it was a couple where only the male played and the female wanted to start playing and the male didn't feel right about it

I think

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I would hope it would have been answered the same as it is in the advice section of a swinging site and we all need help to process things now and then and he would hardly have been a cad for wanting to swing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would hope it would have been answered the same as it is in the advice section of a swinging site and we all need help to process things now and then and he would hardly have been a cad for wanting to swing "

A cad probably the wrong word,but I'm sure he wouldn't have had the same sympathetic ear had it been him playing and not wanting her to.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I am the first one to say gender dictates the replies as it does normally, but I don't believe it would of this time, but who knows

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A cad probably the wrong word,but I'm sure he wouldn't have had the same sympathetic ear had it been him playing and not wanting her to."

Actually i have saw conversations on here that was fluid and non judgmental and a good thread.

Sometimes fab can prove good too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A cad probably the wrong word,but I'm sure he wouldn't have had the same sympathetic ear had it been him playing and not wanting her to.

Actually i have saw conversations on here that was fluid and non judgmental and a good thread.

Sometimes fab can prove good too"

Sometimes,but not as often as we would all like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I dread to think of the abuse a guy would gave got if he posted the same thing! Being called controlling and selfish etc.

Think yourself lucky.

As for advice, I'd say stop swinging all together until you're able to let him have what he wants too. I don't see your relationship lasting if you can't give him what he gives you.

Also it would be nice to hear his input and thoughts on the matter, not just yours, as you are a couple right? "

Yep stop swinging now agreed

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

As for advice, I'd say stop swinging all together until you're able to let him have what he wants too. I don't see your relationship lasting if you can't give him what he gives you.

Yep stop swinging now agreed

So by that logic, if couples decide to swing they should say yes to any situation that arises to please the OH? Surely this isn't swinging..surely it is a joint decision on how you swing and if one is uncomfortable or doesn't want to do something they shouldn't have to?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Go back to the time when you started meeting guys by yourself. I'm guessing your husband is so proud of you and trusts you beyond words. I'm guessing he would have wanted you to experience everything you have ever fantasised about. However, I'm also guessing he was a driving force behind you meeting other guys. Which you are maybe not in this new scenario. If you can't go through with it, could you arrange something else? From reading your original message you seem like you feel like a hypocrite, but I don't think you are. The dynamics are different between men and women.

How about getting yourself a girlfriend that you can share with hubby? Cuckquean? Or some other alternative? It doesn't have to be like for like. Look after him, he sounds like a good one (referring to him holding off meet because of worrying about you).

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

A cad probably the wrong word,but I'm sure he wouldn't have had the same sympathetic ear had it been him playing and not wanting her to."

Cad.

I used that as I am actively trying to get it back into use as per Leslie Philips.

Lol.

oh I say you cad

Off topic I know but ding dong!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

P.s nice pics, I fabbed loads ha ha! Not like me.....

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I am the first one to say gender dictates the replies as it does normally, but I don't believe it would of this time, but who knows"

I'm inclined to agree with you and have seen similar threads posted by men that have gone just the same way as this one.

Often when the "gender different" responses are most evident it comes down to the way the OP was phrased - in this instance the OP posted a coherent, obviously thought out and from the heart post, had a bloke have done the same I really don't think the response would have been different.

The threads that tend to attract contention are the ones that come across as entitled and demanding, regardless of gender - had the OP here posted a thread bemoaning her husband wanting to meet others despite her doing so then the reaction would have been different.

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By *lay2018Couple over a year ago

westmeath & roscommon.

OP, very similar sitting go ours.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. Just saying! Why should you get to play and he doesn't.

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By *lay2018Couple over a year ago

westmeath & roscommon.

"OP, very similar sitting go ours. "

That's supposed to say, Op, very similar situation as ours. It's how we play at the moment.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. Just saying! Why should you get to play and he doesn't. "

It's not quite as simple as that though and comes down to individual comfort levels - and if both halves of the OP couple are happy (and have been happy for 6 years) with the current situation then that's separate from the new one.

It's easy to say "it's only fair" etc but as I said further up individual people are different and have different reactions to different situations, so saying "what's good for the goose etc" isn't particularly helpful and nor does it necessarily apply here.

What's key is that the OP and her husband are talking about this and, from what we've been told, doing so openly and honestly and have come here for advice not to be judged

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By *ojos party boyMan over a year ago

Merseyside

Im going to get shot by the forum police...

But it seems highly hypocritical to be swinging for 6 years in a hotwife type scenario (Female exclusively playing) and not being able to share your partner

Apart from possessive connotations are you sure swinging was the right choice?

As a guy, If my partner decided she wanted to swing with other guys but i couldnt because of their misgivings,

I would think it is time to call quits.

I know this is not your situation so that insight might not apply, But thats the simple way i would see it.

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By *ojos party boyMan over a year ago

Merseyside

As for advice, I'd say stop swinging all together until you're able to let him have what he wants too. I don't see your relationship lasting if you can't give him what he gives you.

Yep stop swinging now agreed

Surely you've seen couples who take "one for the team" on here?

Plenty of women are pressured into Bi-Play amongst other things by their other halfs and vice versa

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As for advice, I'd say stop swinging all together until you're able to let him have what he wants too. I don't see your relationship lasting if you can't give him what he gives you.

Yep stop swinging now agreed

Surely you've seen couples who take "one for the team" on here?

Plenty of women are pressured into Bi-Play amongst other things by their other halfs and vice versa

"
mr dosent play alone and we don’t take one for the team and most of the time we say no to couples is because Mrs dosent find their fella attractive, it’s got to be mutual allround or there’s no point in it

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

As for advice, I'd say stop swinging all together until you're able to let him have what he wants too. I don't see your relationship lasting if you can't give him what he gives you.

Yep stop swinging now agreed

Surely you've seen couples who take "one for the team" on here?

Plenty of women are pressured into Bi-Play amongst other things by their other halfs and vice versa

No, I have not seen people admit to that but I am guessing it does happen. If anyone is being pressurised to do anything then they are not in the right relationship and it isn't swinging, it is riding roughshod over your partner so they shouldn't be swinging at all.

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By *ojos party boyMan over a year ago

Merseyside

Not many people would admit they get pressured into play,Can you imagine the screams...Already enough jeremy kyle stories on here!

But the couple i am friends with that i met at TH, The male was quite literally "pushed" to play bi by his mrs....Hes happy as larry now, But in his own words "She just kept putting things up by back and now i like it"

Now for females being pressured, I Know of 3 who were at first/ 1 who still is to an extent

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Probably not the most experienced person to respond but what I think I can tell from the comments is you both value each other's feelings very much and with that in mind, like he in the past, think if you do decide to go ahead you should be there as the third or fourth person and be part of the night and hopefully the happiness that goes with it. If you don't, the questions/fear might stay. That said I feel he would respect your decision what ever it was.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've had a skim through and read most of your replies OP. I haven't read all the replies as I want to give you my reply without being swayed by what I've read, if that makes sense.

How does it work with the men you meet? Are they single, do you pick them, does your hubby have a say in who you do- or don't meet.

Would you feel better if the woman he meets it attached instead of single? Would it be easier if you were there too as a threesome or would you rather not be involved?

When I met in a couple I preferred us all meeting together. I wasn't comfortable with separate room swap or him meeting alone. I felt left out. I was very happy to be there and just watch or join in.

I disagree that just because you have met men that he is automatically able to meet women. I'd feel the same if it was a man always meeting and then the woman wanting a man.

Swinging isn't tit for tat. It's what you are both comfortable with. Swinging can 'always just be 3somes'- it's not mandatory to be 4somes. (In my opinion.)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im going to get shot by the forum police...

But it seems highly hypocritical to be swinging for 6 years in a hotwife type scenario (Female exclusively playing) and not being able to share your partner

Apart from possessive connotations are you sure swinging was the right choice?

As a guy, If my partner decided she wanted to swing with other guys but i couldnt because of their misgivings,

I would think it is time to call quits.

I know this is not your situation so that insight might not apply, But thats the simple way i would see it."

You are misunderstandings the hotwife scenario. It was his idea for her to have other men. Many men find it highly erotic to see the woman they love in what is basically a live porn show. My partner loves nothing better. He knows I wouldn't be comfortable involving other women but he couldn't care less about that. Men like this get turned on by their partners pleasure.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've had a skim through and read most of your replies OP. I haven't read all the replies as I want to give you my reply without being swayed by what I've read, if that makes sense.

How does it work with the men you meet? Are they single, do you pick them, does your hubby have a say in who you do- or don't meet.

Would you feel better if the woman he meets it attached instead of single? Would it be easier if you were there too as a threesome or would you rather not be involved?

When I met in a couple I preferred us all meeting together. I wasn't comfortable with separate room swap or him meeting alone. I felt left out. I was very happy to be there and just watch or join in.

I disagree that just because you have met men that he is automatically able to meet women. I'd feel the same if it was a man always meeting and then the woman wanting a man.

Swinging isn't tit for tat. It's what you are both comfortable with. Swinging can 'always just be 3somes'- it's not mandatory to be 4somes. (In my opinion.)

Exactly this! Swinging is what turns both of you on, not just one at a time surely?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im going to get shot by the forum police...

But it seems highly hypocritical to be swinging for 6 years in a hotwife type scenario (Female exclusively playing) and not being able to share your partner

Apart from possessive connotations are you sure swinging was the right choice?

As a guy, If my partner decided she wanted to swing with other guys but i couldnt because of their misgivings,

I would think it is time to call quits.

I know this is not your situation so that insight might not apply, But thats the simple way i would see it."

That’s how I see it too

However, if you are both happy with just you playing than crack on regardless.

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

we were soft play for about 15 years or her f2f we met a lass after 15 years in hotel she played then me after she went i said to the mrs get ready and blindfold have a supprize she did , i had a man come and fuck her she was gobsmacked , after finished she wondered how id take it , my ansa was to fuck her all over the room

was unreal expierence bit jelously turned into hornyness we aint looked back since , moral is once you cross that line ,either enjoy or if not push it to the back and dont let it destroy what you already have as once finished the deed ,rest of the time is your play time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to enjoy watching my husband with other women so much, even more than being involved myself.

I looked at it as I was loaning my prized possession to them. He loved me beyond measure, and would I felt secure enough to think he’d never have left me. It felt as if I was saying ‘look what I have, I can have it all the time, but I’m letting you have a wee shotty to see how it feels’.

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By *eardsandboobsCouple over a year ago

north of lincoln

If you do decide to try it and see how you both feel remember there’s a third person involved. That third person is entitled to know the situation beforehand . From personal experience being that Guinea pig when it goes wrong is a horrible experience . Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dear OP,

I was the same with my hubby as he was my hubby and I didn't want to share him.

I said I'd try and see how I'd feel. We went to a club and decided to play with a couple and do a full swap. There was no pressure and while I fucked the guy he fucked the woman but we were both looking at each other. Neither of us have meets without the other there and when we play we play together. Alwats same room fun to we both enjoy watching each other. It took me a few years to get my head around it but we are here now. If it doesn't feel right for you right now then don't.

Good luck xx

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By *osie xWoman over a year ago

wolverhampton

I play single now but when i played as a couple we went to a club and our agreement was fill your boots but what happens in the club stays there.

Did you start to have doubts at the start or once he started to form a connection with the fem? Us ladies can get more concerned over a mental connection than a physical one whether we realise it or not.

Just a thought

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By *ickeyandmouseCouple over a year ago

nr Alicante

That's my predicament x "

Try it?

It might be good for you both?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have been in this predicament, a few weeks ago nic arranged to meet a woman, but as it turned out they never fucked, didn’t do anything but I found out he fingered her, I went ballistic! Then she seemed to think he wanted a relationship, she was single ! I have since found another woman for him but it seems a waste of time. All sorts of things blew up in my mind and not good thoughts either! It does nothing for me him wanting too go on his own!

I think single women look for more as where married women just want too please their other half. Maybe I’m wrong but it should be a mutual thing and if you don’t like it and the green eyed monster appears then it’s time to sit and talk. There’s no point in risking your relationship for a one night fuck!

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By *havennaturistsCouple over a year ago

Banff

Hit a raw nerve with many, this one! We love watching each other with other partners of either sex, but then we always will be unusual!

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By *ng1983Couple over a year ago

Newcastle upon tyne

We have a dynamic where we play together with other women. I (female) don't like to play with guys, but I love seeing him play with women. I loved the idea but wasn't sure how i would feel. So we talked about it. For 10 years. Until I felt 100% sure I would be ok with it. So my advice would be, talk about it. A lot. Keep it in your fantasies, talk over every possible scenario and outcome. You have the rest of your lives to do this. There is no rush. It could take weeks, months or years. But for me, I wouldn't do anything until I was 100% sure I could deal with it. We started off with a threesome. Then talked and talked and talked over it for weeks. I tell him when I feel jealous and he helps me through it. I tell him if I feel left out. I tell him all my insecurities. The key quite literally is communication. Could you possibly start off with some same room fun with one of your regular guys for you and a lady for him? See how you feel. I know if he asked me to start playing with guys I wouldn't feel comfortable with that and that's ok. Just like it's ok if him playing with women makes you uncomfortable. That wasn't your agreed dynamic. And it's ok to try and change the dynamic, but it's equally as ok for that change not to work for you. I would say if you are in any way looking at trying this because you feel guilty that he isn't "having his fun", then don't do it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Then maybe “Swinging” with other couples isn’t for you! you can’t have jealousy in this! it never works & personally I think it’s shelfish one partner getting more fun than the other I would never do that to mine if you both can’t enjoy the experience what is the point in doing it my opinion anyway x"

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By *he James gangCouple over a year ago

NEWTOWNABBEY

"Hi,

So with all that in mind, now he has asked me if he can play with a girl I'm really struggling with letting it happen and I feel really guilty.

But I now don't feel like I can go through with it. I want too, I really do, I want him to have fun like I have for the last 6 years. But I just can't wrap my head around it.

Can anyone offer any words if help here? "

We’ve just been through a very similar experience. We have always played together mmf but knew that Mr would love couple play also. I was against it, like you I struggled with feelings of jealousy etc. However, and with no pressure from Mr, I decided that we should at least try it once. We talked and talked it through with the mutual agreement that if it wasn’t for me that would be it. We were lucky enough to arrange a meet with a couple Mr knew - he explained the situation and they were fantastic as was our meet with them. Seeing the man I love enjoying another woman and her hubby was amazing and even though we had prearranged that I wouldn’t be joining in that lasted about 5 seconds lol!! I had no feelings of jealousy at all. Doesn’t follow that it will be the same for you but sometimes you don’t know till you’ve tried

And for people to say you should stop swinging is nonsense imo. x Ms

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We have a dynamic where we play together with other women. I (female) don't like to play with guys, but I love seeing him play with women. I loved the idea but wasn't sure how i would feel. So we talked about it. For 10 years. Until I felt 100% sure I would be ok with it. So my advice would be, talk about it. A lot. Keep it in your fantasies, talk over every possible scenario and outcome. You have the rest of your lives to do this. There is no rush. It could take weeks, months or years. But for me, I wouldn't do anything until I was 100% sure I could deal with it. We started off with a threesome. Then talked and talked and talked over it for weeks. I tell him when I feel jealous and he helps me through it. I tell him if I feel left out. I tell him all my insecurities. The key quite literally is communication. Could you possibly start off with some same room fun with one of your regular guys for you and a lady for him? See how you feel. I know if he asked me to start playing with guys I wouldn't feel comfortable with that and that's ok. Just like it's ok if him playing with women makes you uncomfortable. That wasn't your agreed dynamic. And it's ok to try and change the dynamic, but it's equally as ok for that change not to work for you. I would say if you are in any way looking at trying this because you feel guilty that he isn't "having his fun", then don't do it."

Agree with this one, especially adding it to your fantasies

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By *ay19720Man over a year ago

Ashford kent

"Hi,

So with all that in mind, now he has asked me if he can play with a girl I'm really struggling with letting it happen and I feel really guilty.

But I now don't feel like I can go through with it. I want too, I really do, I want him to have fun like I have for the last 6 years. But I just can't wrap my head around it.

Can anyone offer any words if help here? "

Why not get a couple for separate room fun..he doing..you doing..

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By *armite6774Couple over a year ago

Southampton

Like they say what good for the goose is good for the gander if its OK for you to play with other people then it's wrong for you to stop him playing with other people if you can't handle that then you should stop playing with other people that's only fair

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By *hoenixandflamesCouple over a year ago

Stockport

Crikey, you have had some really clueless replies from people on this thread who are either single or socially inept.

Or just selfish...

OP... Flames, the guy, here... I can entirely relate to the situation.

We normally do the Hotwife thing...

However, I *would* like to try and swing / play with other women... but a chronic lack of self confidence stops that.

However, I also detect a hint of “jealousy” or “threat” from things should I wish to play with another woman, to the point that even should I get over myself, I wouldn’t.

I would absolutely start with a soft swap situation with you present and involved... and progress slowly from there...

But indeed, finding other couples where you both are okay with each other is always a frustrating difficulty... we’ve tried for years with rare success.

But keep going, as indeed, although I am sure him going ahead with playing won’t break your relationship, it may certainly make for some uncomfortable waves and feelings for a while.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey, IMHO...

Good luck.

Flames

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Crikey, you have had some really clueless replies from people on this thread who are either single or socially inept.

Or just selfish...

OP... Flames, the guy, here... I can entirely relate to the situation.

We normally do the Hotwife thing...

However, I *would* like to try and swing / play with other women... but a chronic lack of self confidence stops that.

However, I also detect a hint of “jealousy” or “threat” from things should I wish to play with another woman, to the point that even should I get over myself, I wouldn’t.

I would absolutely start with a soft swap situation with you present and involved... and progress slowly from there...

But indeed, finding other couples where you both are okay with each other is always a frustrating difficulty... we’ve tried for years with rare success.

But keep going, as indeed, although I am sure him going ahead with playing won’t break your relationship, it may certainly make for some uncomfortable waves and feelings for a while.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey, IMHO...

Good luck.

Flames "

Sensible answer here.

What people are failing to remember is everyone and every relationship is different.

What the head may want to do and what the emotions feel may not always be the same.

Emotions are a funny old thing, and we cannot always control them.

Thinking outside the box here a little. Rather than committing to another female and feeling the pressure of it, getting the nerves, the frights, the negativity, how about attending a club where there is no pressure or agreement with anyone else to get down n dirty.

See how you feel being around other women that are oozing sex appeal, and having your hubby in close proximity to these other women too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some guys aren’t even allowed to play with the Xbox or PS4 haha!

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By *ressed4fun03TV/TS over a year ago

Midlands

Looking at your profile it appears that he may have a leaning towards being cucked, so why not explore that route?

If you introduce him to this side of the sex aspect then he wont feel excluded or feel the need for fun with other women.

Imagine knowing that you can do whatever you want with whoever you want and knowing that he supports and encourages this.

You could put him in panties and/or chastity making him focus more on giving you oral both before and after your lovers, tell him that you want to include him and that as you have sucked other guys that you would like to see him do the same.

Turn him into your submissive sissy and he wont ask to play with another woman ever again.

I went down the sissy cuck route a few years ago and although i love the look and taste of a woman im not really looking to fuck them with my dick, id fuck them with a strap on or have them fuck me, id clean them up (both of them if told to by her).

Hope this helps x

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Looking at your profile it appears that he may have a leaning towards being cucked, so why not explore that route?

If you introduce him to this side of the sex aspect then he wont feel excluded or feel the need for fun with other women.

Imagine knowing that you can do whatever you want with whoever you want and knowing that he supports and encourages this.

Turn him into your submissive sissy and he wont ask to play with another woman ever again.

Hope this helps x"

Whoa!! That's a huge number of assumptions and misunderstanding right there!!

From everything the OP has said throughout this thread I'm really not sure where you've drawn the conclusion that cuckolding is the answer?

Whilst it might work for *some* I really don't think it's the answer the OP or her husband are looking for based on what has been said here.

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By *hoenixandflamesCouple over a year ago

Stockport

"Looking at your profile it appears that he may have a leaning towards being cucked, so why not explore that route?

...

Hope this helps x"

Sorry this is entirely and utterly the wrong end of the stick... Not the OP, but pretty bang on confident that cuck is not the answer.

Flames

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By *attooedBBWWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

Jealousy and possessiveness is 100% normal and you shouldn’t ever feel bad or negative about feeling them especially when it comes to someone you love.

Best way to process what you’re feeling is to sit back and think about why.

Why am I jealous?

Am I jealous of her?

Do I think he’ll prefer her to me?

Will he leave me for someone else?

Often the answers will range from your own insecurities or a lack of trust or even just something simple like lack of attention.

My partner and I tend to arrange meets on the same night so we both get our cake but don’t feel the loss of each other’s company because we’re distracted.

Even after almost 20 years of open poly relationships I get a pang because I like spending time with my partner, but instead of letting my head play through crazy scenarios or panic about our relationship, I relax and remember that his happiness and my happiness is more important to us than someone they’re having sex with, and that it’s me that he wakes up to and comes home to. Because that’s love.

Most important thing is you BOTH have to be completely comfortable with letting each other swing, and don’t ever feel pressured to.

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By *ANDA2Couple over a year ago

Henley Arden

First did try to reply privately but are blocked as outside your filters- which is fine.

Second and this is a serious suggestion

Maybe it is worth seeing ( you and/or as a couple ) a private Phycologist to help you understand your reservations and move forward with the decision (whatever it is) you both make.

Remember people see Phycologists for many reasons - bereavement, phobias etc. They are not just for mental health issues.

Thirdly

I commend your attitude on this - you have been both serious, completely open and willing to listen to others ideas.

I’m also pleased you avioded the Trolls and other negative replies. which could have detailed your post- well done

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like knowing my partners enjoy other women. It doesn't detract from how they feel about me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hubby has done well to find a lady to play with him, take the opportunity as they won’t come along often, females are far fussier than men as you are well aware of that fact, so far you’ve taken the easy route into swinging

Does he get jealous of you playing? If not, why not? Does he just see it as fun? Because fun is all it is? That’s the attitude to adopt.

Maybe you’ve become attached to some of your playmates and don’t want this to happen with hubby?

Don’t let it happen if you are not 100% into it, it’s totally unfair on the single girl to try it and you to have jealous thoughts towards the play

But remember

It’s play and just fun

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By *ornyhertscpl OP Couple over a year ago

Letchworth

Thankyou for all the fantastic advise. We have decided at the moment to try things in baby steps as many of you have suggested here. Maybe a club meet and see how we feel with him kissing and touching another girl and then go from there.

We are being extremely honest with one another throughout, have done so far and will continue the focus on our honest communication. Xx

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By *attooedBBWWoman over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Thankyou for all the fantastic advise. We have decided at the moment to try things in baby steps as many of you have suggested here. Maybe a club meet and see how we feel with him kissing and touching another girl and then go from there.

We are being extremely honest with one another throughout, have done so far and will continue the focus on our honest communication. Xx"

That sounds like a great step in the right direction

Good luck to both of you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are being extremely honest with one another throughout, have done so far and will continue the focus on our honest communication. Xx"

Always a good start.

Remember be honest with the 3rd party too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think if everyone is happy and honest from the start it can work very well, same as a couple inviting a single into playtime/friendship etc it has to work for you all and be what you want and haha good chemistry. The single person has to acknowledge and respect your a couple and the couple had to respect the single persons wishes and views and comfort zone x

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By *taceylacyCouple over a year ago

NOTTINGHAM

I hated the thought of my hubby playing with another woman. We used to play together at parties or clubs. At one of our parties a lady just touched my mans manhood so I said everybody out, party over. We decided that we would still party but hubby can only watch me and not play himself. He’s finally ended up cuckold, and loves to see guys bigger than him please me, he also loves to lick their spunk from my pussy, so everybody’s happy now.

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