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Sexless relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. I've been there.
She was wonderful girl but we had sex once or twice a month if that and the sex wasn't that good compared to previous partners.
I stuck around for 2 years and it was hard times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I willingly chose not to have sex for 8.5 years and it was liberating ... used all that energy positively in life! Did absolutely tonnes of amazing things 
Try instead of focussing on the negative, use that energy for positive things! And talk to your partner, find out how they are feeling and move forward together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha "
I often wonder how, or why things changed? How long have you been together? Are you still making an effort for each other?
Is it just sex or is intimacy missing?
Personally I'd give up sex for someone to hold my hand through life in an instant.
However at 29 you need to really think about what you want and talk to each other |
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By *ribsaMan
over a year ago
A box at end of your bed |
I have been there and had that for 6 long years. Now have the t shirt and the divorce to prove it.
Still lacking in sex but have my own place to bring a woman back to if ever I find one. O and I am much happier now.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think when you are in a long term relationship everyone goes of sex I think being honest people get fed up of having sex with the same person as it's the same thing over and over again x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We both went through 30 year sexless marriages. You get to thinking it’s the norm. Well,we found each other and now, following divorces, we now know better. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to realise that it isn’t right. And when you take that step and realise there is another world out there.......wow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha "
I was in a vertually sexless relationship for over a decade OP. It caused untold mental anguish and I almost lost all joy in life. I imagine it would be much more possible to live with if it were down to health problems, but that wasn't the case for us. My ex never seemed to have interest in sex, but constantly promised one day she would. When ( after 6 years) we began having sex it was more to do with having children than anything. I hated trying to be intimate with someone when I felt like they were acting, it felt like I was abusing her and most people couldn't continue under those circumstances. You feel like sex ( or the chance of it ) is being used to control you. I went from considering cheating to eventually losing interest in sex, and that's not healthy for someone in their 30s. We never had children so that was not a loss of libido factor.
I had been fairly promiscuous before we met but had sgtunned that in favour of a deeper more meaningful experience ( I hoped ). I had played out all the kinks and scenarios that excited me in my early 20s, so I didn't have regrets on that score. I believe my ex did want to be with me but had a mostly mindset of control when it came to sex stemming from her upbringing. I blame myself for not following the adage 'Actions speak louder than words'. If your partner says she wants sex and you both wrk hard to heighted romance and intimacy, and it's still not happening, then you should seriously consider ending the relationship. Cheating eats away at anyone with a nature and it's not how most want to live their life / double life. Good sex in a relationship is a byproduct of a healthy relationship and not a substitute for a healthy relationship. I hope U find a way to improve your relationship as a whole. Finding meets here could divert your pain for a while but it's not a solution. I hope if your relationship can't be healthy it's better to end it if at all possible, even if you have kids as an unhealthy relationship is an unhealthy lesson and environment for them. Very easy for me to suggest what you could do but I know life's not always that simple. Good luck OP and hope life improves for you. |
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If you're in a relationship where aspects, such as the sex life, aren't working, then consider counselling. In a perfect world, we'd all have incredible abilities to communicate and our relationship issues or mismatches, would be talked through and mutually understood. We might also discuss what we'd like to do next, based on what's causing at least one of us to be sexually unfulfilled. It may be about compromise, or recognition that we're not that well matched sexually as partners.
If nothing else, then physical closeness, which doesn't need to be in any way sexual, can help affirm the bond that we have. Physical affection is also healthy and can help build emotions as well as trust. Have you considered agreeing how each of you can be sexually satisfied, if it's not by having what you may have thought of as sex together? Is voyeurism, of each other wanking, for example, of interest? As we're disconnected from your relationship, there are many aspects of why it's not working, that could be explored. I encourage you to build trust and intimacy, in non-sexual ways, including physical affection and full communication. |
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By *ubsteffTV/TS
over a year ago
Portsmouth |
I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help.
I think the next step is counselling, but not sure she’ll go for it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Getting divorced now after a sexless relationship for last 8 years,kids older now so not such a problem for them.
Probably would have been better for both of us if split earlier but stayed together for the kids. |
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"I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help.
I think the next step is counselling, but not sure she’ll go for it "
it might help to go alone. |
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I was married to a good man who had absolutely zero interest in sex was only given it once or twice a year !!!
I was in my early 30s he was older I was made to feel like a pervert unattractive and had lost my sparkle really hard to do but split before I lost myself was living a lie
Sparkle has since returned but not found my forever guy yet...
I feel for you but trust your gut |
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By *ubsteffTV/TS
over a year ago
Portsmouth |
"I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help.
I think the next step is counselling, but not sure she’ll go for it
it might help to go alone. "
Go alone to the counselling? |
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"I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help.
I think the next step is counselling, but not sure she’ll go for it
it might help to go alone.
Go alone to the counselling? "
Yes. Why not? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
"
You! You were in a sexless marriage? Did he turn out to be gay? I mean your 43 and look 29. Lovely smile (see why he married you) omg I’m 29 and I would genuinely lick you from head to toe! I genuinely don’t get guys like that. What was his problem? Did you find out? |
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Yes. Together 9 years, pretty much sexless for about 6. His attitude was that its normal in a long term relationship, and wouldn't work on things
It ended when I cheated and I realised I didn't feel anything for my ex any more. I still see the guy I cheated with occasionally and sometimes tell him how grateful I am that it happened
Is this a price of admission that you're willing to continue paying? |
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Yep for over a decade..... it was awful and I really “lost” so much of myself. Now I’m divorced and with my new Mr and our life is full of sex and naughtiness. I can’t believe I allowed myself to live that life for so long, missing a pet of myself that is so fundamentally important to my happiness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep, in my case the reason it ended up sexless was because she was still into her ex boyfriend and didn't have the heart to tell me/break up with me.
It was only 8 months long mindyou so I can't really relate to someone in a long term marriage but in my limited experience it's generally that either they've got someone else on the mind, or it's not that they don't like sex, they just don't like sex with you. (Either due to the things you do/dont do, or they are just bored of sleeping with the same person) |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Looking back, it was more to do with me than my wife, don’t think I had grown up enough.
Remember we went on business together to gorgeous location, she brought gorgeous lingerie. I was more interested in the work.
I lost her. |
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"Yep, in my case the reason it ended up sexless was because she was still into her ex boyfriend and didn't have the heart to tell me/break up with me.
It was only 8 months long mindyou so I can't really relate to someone in a long term marriage but in my limited experience it's generally that either they've got someone else on the mind, or it's not that they don't like sex, they just don't like sex with you. (Either due to the things you do/dont do, or they are just bored of sleeping with the same person) "
There are loads of reasons including illness, medication, disability, mismatched sex drives, a persons upbringing, being asexual to name but a few. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, in my case the reason it ended up sexless was because she was still into her ex boyfriend and didn't have the heart to tell me/break up with me.
It was only 8 months long mindyou so I can't really relate to someone in a long term marriage but in my limited experience it's generally that either they've got someone else on the mind, or it's not that they don't like sex, they just don't like sex with you. (Either due to the things you do/dont do, or they are just bored of sleeping with the same person)
There are loads of reasons including illness, medication, disability, mismatched sex drives, a persons upbringing, being asexual to name but a few."
Of course, I was strictly speaking from my own experience |
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Yep I was in one many moons ago ... it ate away at my self confidence my happiness my spark for life .... I’m a very sexual person and I’m afraid this was a vital part of me , I cheated and got found out and so we eventually divorced , that was the best outcome overall. |
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I'm in a marriage like that now, she's only really wanted sex when she wanted to conceive and we did. I regret it because I tried to make her happy for so long. And now I'm in that situation
where I can't leave my kids and she knows it, so her interest has dwindled even more.
At this point, it's not if I'm going to cheat, it's when. Most discussions about it end with her saying "go and find someone else for sex" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
You! You were in a sexless marriage? Did he turn out to be gay? I mean your 43 and look 29. Lovely smile (see why he married you) omg I’m 29 and I would genuinely lick you from head to toe! I genuinely don’t get guys like that. What was his problem? Did you find out?"
Plenty of people have been in sexless marriages (myself included) and the reasons are often complex, and sometimes simple, eg boredom/over-familiarity. It's important, and difficult, not to equate lack of sex with lack of attractiveness. This is true whether married or single |
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"Yep I was in one many moons ago ... it ate away at my self confidence my happiness my spark for life .... I’m a very sexual person and I’m afraid this was a vital part of me , I cheated and got found out and so we eventually divorced , that was the best outcome overall. "
Gosh yes, same for me. The loss of self confidence was awful. Now I’m not ashamed to admit I need to feel wanted & sexy. It’s just part of what makes me .... me!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I was in one. No sex, used as a domestic servant ...divorced him and met cookie. Quickly introduced to swinging, squirting and multiple orgasms ...why the hell didn’t I do it sooner ???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think when you are in a long term relationship everyone goes of sex I think being honest people get fed up of having sex with the same person as it's the same thing over and over again x"
Not if you have any imagination it isn't! |
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Doesn't bother me if the sex is the same, sex is a form of intimacy with a partner, being pleasured and sharing pleasure helps me bond with the person i love along with eveything else we share.
Also not getting sex makes me feel rejected, undesirable and spoils the above.
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"I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help.
I think the next step is counselling, but not sure she’ll go for it
it might help to go alone.
Go alone to the counselling?
Yes. Why not?"
Absolutely, great advice. If nothing else it will alert the other person in the relationship that you are having to deal with something that may end up affecting them. Ultimately you can function if you are comfortable in your own skin, when others impositions, impinge on your own welfare, nobody wins.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I willingly chose not to have sex for 8.5 years and it was liberating ... used all that energy positively in life! Did absolutely tonnes of amazing things
Try instead of focussing on the negative, use that energy for positive things! And talk to your partner, find out how they are feeling and move forward together. "
8.5 years! Wow! Like you say though, could give you the chance to focus on other things.
Totally agree on talking to your partner. Why not get your partner on here too??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have and I don't like reminding of it, so the only advice I can offer is to talk it out with her man. That way you'll both get to why things are the way they are. It might be fixable, it might not be.
Thats better than limbo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The first step to change is recognising there's a problem. My ex husband and I had a sex less marriage and we used to blame each other. There's nothing more of a turn off for me than planning sex. Ask yourself is the romance and intimacy still there? Do you still turn each other on? Are you both using excuses not to have sex because when you do it's purely for ejaculation purposes and a chore. Daily life can get in the way but women still feel the need to be desired and appreciated. When was the last time you snook in for a quick cuddle and grope while she's making the tea or doing the weekly shop in the supermarket? Introduced a new toy or offer to give her a sensual massage. Offering to sort the kids ready for bed so that she can put her feet up ready for some you and her time.
I don't know your circumstances but I would definitely make tiny adjustments and gestures first then if that doesn't entice a spark back in the relationship I would talk to her about it and possibly do counselling. |
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Had a long talk about sex here yesterday, things are looking up. 
We talked about what we wanted, why it wasn't happening, and what we could do about it instead, and how we were gonna start making changes. |
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"I think when you are in a long term relationship everyone goes of sex I think being honest people get fed up of having sex with the same person as it's the same thing over and over again x"
34 years together and its never the same
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
You! You were in a sexless marriage? Did he turn out to be gay? I mean your 43 and look 29. Lovely smile (see why he married you) omg I’m 29 and I would genuinely lick you from head to toe! I genuinely don’t get guys like that. What was his problem? Did you find out?
Plenty of people have been in sexless marriages (myself included) and the reasons are often complex, and sometimes simple, eg boredom/over-familiarity. It's important, and difficult, not to equate lack of sex with lack of attractiveness. This is true whether married or single "
Haha thanks for the compliment
But it was complicated.
I haven't liked myself for a long time and it affected our relationship especially our sex life.
Especially as I gained weight - he didn't desire me and I felt even worse.
The reason I stayed was because I was financially dependent- I'm now a lot poorer but free |
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Well for me, we've been married for 30yrs this year but haven't had sex for about the last 5 or 6, I've lost count. Before that it was probably a handfull of times a year. We get along except in the bedroom and neither of us want a divorce especially. Things might change when our daughter goes to uni this year who knows, but it's like living with a sister not a wife. I do have a current long term playpartner though whom the wife knows about and has met. I think it's just convenient for us to stay married for the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just think life is really too short to be unhappy in a relationship. Sex plays a big part in a relationship and if you're not getting any do you stay or leave and find someone that will give you what you need. Cheating is not always the answer but it's a relief of sorts. Good luck OP you're the only person that can make that decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been where you are, and in all honesty, I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer.
I’d advise being honest with your partner, I was, and she did allow me on here with a profile, and even vouched for me, but then we had an issue with Facebook, and a lady not accepting no, and we had to delete the profile.
This time I’m here without her knowledge, but she’s aware I need what she can’t give, and has encouraged me to seek fun elsewhere!!
Being honest may surprise you!!
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"I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help "
You’ve been together 18months? Seems a very young relationship to be sexless so early on.
How about both writing a list of the positives and negatives in your relationship and talk about her reasons for having no interest in sex.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The trouble now a days you can look on the internet and see porn or anything you like to do with sex so some get bored with sex, you only have to go to a club and see the couples in there early twenties, at one time swinging was for more older couples looking to rekindle there sex lifes and act out there fantasies, but don’t get me wrong I met a couple for a meet in there twenties but it seems a lot of younger couples are into swinging now |
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha "
A good solicitor. Be prepared for a rocky road. |
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"Yep. I've been there.
She was wonderful girl but we had sex once or twice a month if that and the sex wasn't that good compared to previous partners.
I stuck around for 2 years and it was hard times "
Once or twice a month. Lucky you! |
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I’m in the situation, but have sed mayby once a week! But that’s more like a choir then anything else. I watch porn most days and wank over it, she isn’t bothered about that. I’ve suggested everything to spice things up but she prefers her sleep! |
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6 years in one felt constantly rejected, lost all my confidence so Started comfort eating and my weight got out of control.
I just woke up one morning looked in the mirror and thought to myself “my good look at you!” I was a size 32 at that point and decided enough was enough left him joined slimming world and now Im a size 18 and have a healthy swinging relationship with my new partner is. Glad I finally snapped and decided to take back my life |
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By *arrapsMan
over a year ago
port talbot |
I’ve been married for 30 years and for the past 15 have had sex with my wife twice. On each occasion it felt like I was shagging a corpse, no reaction,no nothing.
She realises that I need the intimacy of love making and to that end has said that I could have affairs as long as they are discreet and I don’t fall for another woman.
For anyone in the same position I feel for you. There’s nothing worse than being trapped in a relationship when the joy has gone. |
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Scanning through I relate to a lot. I wouldn’t say I was in a sexless marriage in the same league as some people but definitely in the once a month catagory. When we do it’s decent, very vanilla but we both enjoy it, but for the next 29 days it’s increasingly frustrating and causes me mental health issues I think. I say this as I’ve recently started on what is basically Prozac and counselling for anxiety and depression and what’s coming out of the counselling is the lack of sexual fulfilment.
I’m a LOT more open minded/kinky etc than my wife. We’ve talked about it but she’s not interested and she’s suggested I have purely sexual affairs. In one way that’s great but actually I married her because I love her and fancy the pants off her so want it to be her I explore with. |
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When it gets to the point where the beds just cold and the sofa has more warmth you no something is wrong. When I met my now Amazing partner, I hadn't been able to cum or get wet in forever. Nothing turned me on and toys and everything eles was just meh I was basically wasn't even interested in sex. I think connection is needed and a person needs to excite your imagination as well as your body. The first time I met my gorgouse partner he hadn't laid a finger on me and I was gushing soaking wet tremberling for this man to touch me..and all we did was talk and flirt... at first. Don't starve yourself of human contact and connection. He was also in a sexless marriage and very unhappy. Now I'm dripping wet all the time and getting all my pent up frustration out
Poor man  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We both went through 30 year sexless marriages. You get to thinking it’s the norm. Well,we found each other and now, following divorces, we now know better. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to realise that it isn’t right. And when you take that step and realise there is another world out there.......wow"
Snap.... 25 and 28 years here + 2 Divorces.
Now have sex, typically, twice a day and go to clubs etc.... making up for lost time lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is sexless same as loveless...my wife loves me I know for sure just no sex anymore and was never into half the things i like why shoild i give it up for just that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha "
If you are not happy why stay? Never understand this its surely better to move on and seek happiness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha
If you are not happy why stay? Never understand this its surely better to move on and seek happiness. "
Sex is not the same as love and happiness thats definitely where men differ from women |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha "
Yep, I’m in that boat now after 11 years
I know how you feel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does she trust you mate. It's often about trust. Have you done anything to make her lose trust. Very hard to rebuild and it's very corrosive when it's not there.
She could just not have a high sex drive. Mrs N has lost a lot of hers. A few reasons but main thing is it's about arousal. How do you fire that magic bullet that gets the juices going.
I think if she didn't trust me though, I think it would be much much less. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha
If you are not happy why stay? Never understand this its surely better to move on and seek happiness. "
This ^^^^^^ |
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Illness destroyed my wife's sex drive and the medication she will have to take for the rest of her life will make sure it wont return. We've not had sex in probably 6 or 7 years. It's not her fault, she certainly didn't choose to contract an illness that nearly killed her. The lack of sex affected me greatly and I ended up with erectile dysfunction. Thankfully I'm over that now. My wife realises that I still have sexual needs and gives her permission for me to make discreet liaisons as long as family, friends and relatives are not aware. This is after trying everything we could to make our sex life work. It's a compromise, I'd rather have her here with me and without a libido than loose her like I nearly did to illness. |
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By *100Man
over a year ago
Essex |
After 32 years of marriage and the wife going through the menopause I'm lucky if I get it once a month and I quite often feel unloved but for better or worse I still love her very much at least she doesn't beat me lol |
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A lot of very similar stories...
I was married for 20 years to a man who would (and did) have said I was cold/frigid/zero sex drive etc. I thought so too.... Thought there was something wrong with me as I didn't want sex.
Then I slowly realised he was an abusive controlling twat, and it was hardly surprising I didn't want sex with him.
Forward 6 years and I'm with an amazing man who makes me moan with pleasure every time he touches me. We're on here happily exploring all our fantasies.
He can't even recognize the description of myself from back then - but he has exactly the same story about how own marriage - total lack of sexual compatibility.
Life is too short. Don't wait 20 years. Enjoy it now.
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For many in a sexless relationship there are as many sexless singletons.. we all want the pleasure of having good sex or to crave it and to have the confidence to open our minds and try to make a connection with another person, sometimes, just that contact alone can make things so much better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sexless marriages don’t have to be all doom and gloom. We have just learned to adapt to the situation. Our theory is if we don’t click together sexually but do emotionally, then we just need to supplement the lack of sex together another way. Cuckolding is the perfect lifestyle choice for couples like us.
Once discussed and agreed, it actually makes the relationship stronger, for us at least.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im currently in a sexless relationship with a woman i love to bits who is 17 years my senior. Due to the menopause, sex is now non existant and she just isnt interested anymore a total contrast to before when she loved it. Yeah yeah yeah, theres medication for the nenopause bit she chose not to choose that option due to it being unreliable. Thos is exactly why i am on here, not cause im a perv, im a geniune guy who is 43 with needs especially when always had a high sex drive. |
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"Im currently in a sexless relationship with a woman i love to bits who is 17 years my senior. Due to the menopause, sex is now non existant and she just isnt interested anymore a total contrast to before when she loved it. Yeah yeah yeah, theres medication for the nenopause bit she chose not to choose that option due to it being unreliable. Thos is exactly why i am on here, not cause im a perv, im a geniune guy who is 43 with needs especially when always had a high sex drive."
I've been going through the menopause for the past 6 years and my sex drive has never waned..in fact I've become more insatiable and can't get enough.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im currently in a sexless relationship with a woman i love to bits who is 17 years my senior. Due to the menopause, sex is now non existant and she just isnt interested anymore a total contrast to before when she loved it. Yeah yeah yeah, theres medication for the nenopause bit she chose not to choose that option due to it being unreliable. Thos is exactly why i am on here, not cause im a perv, im a geniune guy who is 43 with needs especially when always had a high sex drive.
I've been going through the menopause for the past 6 years and my sex drive has never waned..in fact I've become more insatiable and can't get enough.."
You must be one of the lucky ones xx |
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It’s why I ended up on Fab over three years ago. I was in a sexless marriage and hadn’t had sex in over 2 years! Separate rooms, separate lives. Found fab. Found my now husband. And the rest is history...... |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"I was used Fab to get the sex but regretted the cheating and felt guilty so wasn't worth it "
Op regardless of the situation i admire your honesty in this occasion. I hope you find tge answer and solice you ate looking for. |
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By *ubsteffTV/TS
over a year ago
Portsmouth |
"I’m 18 months into a sexless relationship & it’s depressing. I’ve tried gifts, holidays, making a joke of it, not talking about it, talking about it, but nothing seems to help
You’ve been together 18months? Seems a very young relationship to be sexless so early on.
How about both writing a list of the positives and negatives in your relationship and talk about her reasons for having no interest in sex.
"
No, I’ve been married 12 years (two kids, who are hard work), it’s the last 18 months that have been sexless. The kids are 13 & 10 & I get that she is tired (a lot), but it’s starting to get me down |
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"I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
"
How can anyone not want to lick suck and fuck you everyday of the week your body is amazing |
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Seems I'm not alone.
Gotta grow a pair and deal with this facade once and for forever. I don't want conflict but how do you approach a subject like "be sexy like you used to enjoy being or its over"
That sounds selfish but being constantly rejected and made to feel like a sex pest is just as selfish. It all went tits up when we replaced the old 3 piece lounge suit now there's his and hers double seats that are shit to share, plus with the 3 tv/dvr/dvd remotes and magazines there is no place for me! Apart from that we're quite happy, just need a fb It's sad that in the back of my mind I'm thinking is she getting fucked by someone else.... and thinking that would be awesome as I could do the same. |
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"Seems I'm not alone.
Gotta grow a pair and deal with this facade once and for forever. I don't want conflict but how do you approach a subject like "be sexy like you used to enjoy being or its over"
That sounds selfish but being constantly rejected and made to feel like a sex pest is just as selfish. It all went tits up when we replaced the old 3 piece lounge suit now there's his and hers double seats that are shit to share, plus with the 3 tv/dvr/dvd remotes and magazines there is no place for me! Apart from that we're quite happy, just need a fb It's sad that in the back of my mind I'm thinking is she getting fucked by someone else.... and thinking that would be awesome as I could do the same. "
I don't think ultimatums are a first resort really. How can you say you're happy when you're seriously considering leaving because she isn't as sexy as she used to be?
If it genuinely is make or break for you talk and listen, get couples counselling but don't start with an ultimatum. Do you really want your wife to have sex with you because she's afraid you'll leave and do you genuinely believe you'll get more sex as a single guy?
I'm not unsympathetic, it must be horrible to feel that your partner doesn't desire you. |
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Never said I was thinking of leaving, just ceasing all romantic emotional involvement which basically is already happening so everything surrounding living together won't change one iota.whether or not she'd accept me seeing other people is another story as she'd be jealous of me having a social life. An ultimatum is a last resort. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we are in a sexless relationship, it can feel as though we have failed in some way, it is not good for our self esteem.
We all want to feel desired and wanted and sex is a way for people to bond as well as making us feel great. In my previous marriage I had the same issues as you which lead to adultery on both are parts.
The reality is, relationships drift apart, you sould not be celibate because of it. If you don't want to leave the relationship, find a lover or go on one night stands and don't feel guilty about it.
Worse things are happening in the world.
Oh, and don't ask for other peoples opinions...it will send you bat crazy...  |
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"Never said I was thinking of leaving, just ceasing all romantic emotional involvement which basically is already happening so everything surrounding living together won't change one iota.whether or not she'd accept me seeing other people is another story as she'd be jealous of me having a social life. An ultimatum is a last resort. "
Living together like brother and sister you mean?
A guy on one of these threads once said something that stuck with me. Ask your partner if sex is important to them. If they say no, say "you won't mind if I get it elsewhere then". I think that probably would work as an opener for the conversation you need to have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When we are in a sexless relationship, it can feel as though we have failed in some way, it is not good for our self esteem.
We all want to feel desired and wanted and sex is a way for people to bond as well as making us feel great. In my previous marriage I had the same issues as you which lead to adultery on both are parts.
The reality is, relationships drift apart, you sould not be celibate because of it. If you don't want to leave the relationship, find a lover or go on one night stands and don't feel guilty about it.
Worse things are happening in the world.
Oh, and don't ask for other peoples opinions...it will send you bat crazy... "
Yup that's what I do and it's been great so far ..Just hit a dry patch in my alternative life but I'm sure I'll get lucky again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was sexless for many years now I'm over sexed is sex that important. ........in the grand scheme of things ,no .......other things are more important friends and family and living life to the full but for some the desire for sex is paramount at all costs ,we are all different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Many of my friends my age 54 simply do not fancy their husbands anymore. I doubt they would ever tell them though. They tell other women alot."
and you tell us and we tell them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing worse than feeling rejected by a partner and then the fear often builds and you can stop looking for it and it can be hard to change these behaviours it happens all the time in relationships I see it all the time, talking about it only goes so far to fix it if the other person realises it’s a problem, failing that or speaking to professionals then I believe it’s much healthier to move on, a poster above got the reply perfectly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wife had health problems which ment no sex
Curious to know what sort of health problems ?"
does it matter it still has the same outcome..can still have intimacy but sexual satisfaction for both will not be fulfilled and for some of us that's what we want still dosent mean we have to leave |
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"Wife had health problems which ment no sex
Curious to know what sort of health problems ? does it matter it still has the same outcome..can still have intimacy but sexual satisfaction for both will not be fulfilled and for some of us that's what we want still dosent mean we have to leave"
Your profile says you are bored married, I would suggest she feels the same unless she has an actual physical problem. Marraige can kill sexual appetite. |
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"Anyone ever been stuck in a sexless relationship. After a chat or some advice if anyone has ever been through anything similar. Thanks. Not here for any smart arse comments either ha "
Yes me (Holly) 12 years ago I divorced him in the end as it made me feel terrible no affection what so ever. One of the reasons I discovered swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was sexless for a decade.
I had sex a handful of times in those 10yrs where I was left feeling worse.
Being single is much better that feeling undesired.
"
sometimes it may be for the best |
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