FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Do you think we're going to be stood up?
Do you think we're going to be stood up?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We're currently on a 'mini break' in Cardiff, as my partner has a meeting here. As a bit of an afterthought we decided to arrange a meet while we're here, to make the most of being child free in a hotel etc.
Anyway, found a seemingly nice man (some experience so not a fantasist) and we've been in regular contact for over a week now, several messages a day, even if just a quick hello.
We're due to be meeting at 8 tonight but he's suddenly gone quiet, hasn't even been online for 21 hours which is very unlike him. Our last message to him hasn't been read either. I've seen on here that last minute ghosting is classic Fabs, so should we expect to be stood up?
I know people are entitled to change their minds and life can just get in the way, so it's not a selfish whinge. It would just be nice to know, that's all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Message him and find out. Better safe then sorry or he will see this post anyway."
He's not been online to read our last message, let alone sending another one. Plus I'm of the opinion that if someone doesn't reply to one message, you don't send them another. (We've not swapped numbers so only contact has been on here). |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
It is really hard to say, I would suggest giving him a little bit of extra time. Sometimes things do come up, and it's not like he has been on and just ignored your last message, he's not even been online.
There is a chance that you might get stood up, I can see that, but I wouldn't give up all hope just yet. |
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Based on my personal experience, sounds like your suspicion might be correct.
Whenever I set a meet with someone new, I will always tell them to confirm 2 hrs before the meet.
If I dont get any news by then, I wont be bothered to change.
Update us OP.
**my personal fab experience in Cardiff was not good. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
Another potential idea, is to send him a message saying that due to him not getting back to you today you thought something might have come up to him so you have made other plans, and wish him all the best.
If in the future he gets back to you and explains what went on, all well and good. Either way it leaves you free to make a second plan for your time without any lack of transparency. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes you will. But don't take my opinion to heart. I think we will be stood up right up to the point of face to face. Mild cynicism has served us well."
I'm a natural born cynic too. If it was normal to only hear from him in the evening or go long periods without contact, I'd be less cynical, but near on 22 hours without a word when it's usually no more than 4 or 5 hours day time and him not being online smells like ghosting to me. It was only ever an an afterthought so not important. We'll see... |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"Message him and find out. Better safe then sorry or he will see this post anyway.
He's not been online to read our last message, let alone sending another one. Plus I'm of the opinion that if someone doesn't reply to one message, you don't send them another. (We've not swapped numbers so only contact has been on here)."
Keep checking the message, but in my opinion I think it a NO SHOW. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Forgot his wife's anniversary  "
 Actually, it dawned on me yesterday that as it's St David's Day and we're in Welshy Wales, perhaps he's off on a 'ladz' night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’ve more chance of a wank off the Pope than this chap turning up!So you're saying there's a chance? Sorry I couldn't resist! "
Considering recent scandals...... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why didn't you exchange numbers? Was that your decision or his? Sounds like you're going to be stood up, sorry! You can still have a good night though "
Just never got around to it. I probably would have given him my number this morning in a 'call if you're running late' fashion, but he never replied to our last message so we didn't get to that stage.
It certainly won't ruin our break, it was only ever an afterthought really when we decided to turn a work meeting and child free weekend into a mini break. We have chocolates and the hotel has a good cocktail menu so we'll be grand |
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"Another potential idea, is to send him a message saying that due to him not getting back to you today you thought something might have come up to him so you have made other plans, and wish him all the best.
If in the future he gets back to you and explains what went on, all well and good. Either way it leaves you free to make a second plan for your time without any lack of transparency."
Good idea.
Generally when they go quiet it ain't happening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why didn't you exchange numbers? Was that your decision or his? Sounds like you're going to be stood up, sorry! You can still have a good night though
Just never got around to it. I probably would have given him my number this morning in a 'call if you're running late' fashion, but he never replied to our last message so we didn't get to that stage.
It certainly won't ruin our break, it was only ever an afterthought really when we decided to turn a work meeting and child free weekend into a mini break. We have chocolates and the hotel has a good cocktail menu so we'll be grand "
Nice |
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"Message him and find out. Better safe then sorry or he will see this post anyway.
He's not been online to read our last message, let alone sending another one. Plus I'm of the opinion that if someone doesn't reply to one message, you don't send them another. (We've not swapped numbers so only contact has been on here)."
This is a rule I use too. I'm not going to be that person that gets told they're bugging someone by sending a second, even if its only to ask something.
B x |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
Yeah...sounds like a ghoster (though there is a tiny chance that he’s not logging on because he doesn’t want you guys to see him perving online when he’s supposed to be excited about meeting you - ever the optomist here!)
That said...chocolate and cocktails sound like a better night to me anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Assume he won't show and you won't be disappponted. Organise another or just have a bloody good time with each other. I ain't bothering trying to organise any more meets as I'm now getting ghosted - no need fellas |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Assume he won't show and you won't be disappponted. Organise another or just have a bloody good time with each other. I ain't bothering trying to organise any more meets as I'm now getting ghosted - no need fellas"
You have lovely boobies kayelle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're currently on a 'mini break' in Cardiff, as my partner has a meeting here. As a bit of an afterthought we decided to arrange a meet while we're here, to make the most of being child free in a hotel etc.
Anyway, found a seemingly nice man (some experience so not a fantasist) and we've been in regular contact for over a week now, several messages a day, even if just a quick hello.
We're due to be meeting at 8 tonight but he's suddenly gone quiet, hasn't even been online for 21 hours which is very unlike him. Our last message to him hasn't been read either. I've seen on here that last minute ghosting is classic Fabs, so should we expect to be stood up?
I know people are entitled to change their minds and life can just get in the way, so it's not a selfish whinge. It would just be nice to know, that's all. "
Yeah baby, you been stood up.
Just like me coz I got a cock that is too small for you.
Live with it, get on with it and move on.
Babe.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone."
I hate chatting on the phone. The plan was the meet for a drink first anyway. He got in touch later (conveniently) saying he had to travel for an injured child. It may or may not have been true, I don't know, but funny how people suddenly find the time afterwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i just think that when you do meet someone nice on here even if only for a social it makes up for all the let downs i stood in the cold for 45 mins the other day for a no show its sad but hey ho x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate that when that happens, you chat for ages and then they go quite on you, it’s fab and you do get times wasters but remember it’s his loss, but if not I hope you find someone else’s to join you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ghosted. No show.
Oh dear, at least you had a back up plan.
Sadly sets us single guys in a bad light yet again."
Mmm no, most people are intelligent to know that everyone is different, “sadly us single guys in a bad light” is ridiculous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Assume he won't show and you won't be disappponted. Organise another or just have a bloody good time with each other. I ain't bothering trying to organise any more meets as I'm now getting ghosted - no need fellas
You have lovely boobies kayelle"
Why thank you very much sweetie xxxxxx |
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"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone."
You often go to meet someone unverified, in a hotel that you’ve never spoken to? I wouldn’t do that as a guy. |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone.
You often go to meet someone unverified, in a hotel that you’ve never spoken to? I wouldn’t do that as a guy."
Yeah, I’ve done that. I’ll chat to someone on here and meet them in a bar first. I’d only go back if it felt right. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone.
You often go to meet someone unverified, in a hotel that you’ve never spoken to? I wouldn’t do that as a guy.
Yeah, I’ve done that. I’ll chat to someone on here and meet them in a bar first. I’d only go back if it felt right."
Yeah but you're not as switched on as most women. You think some things are just like an experience or like a tattoo.  |
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"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone.
You often go to meet someone unverified, in a hotel that you’ve never spoken to? I wouldn’t do that as a guy.
Yeah, I’ve done that. I’ll chat to someone on here and meet them in a bar first. I’d only go back if it felt right."
Really, I think most people wouldn’t. Rule no. 1 make sure you know who you’re meeting before travelling. |
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By *rossMan
over a year ago
Everywhere |
if a guy goes quiet closer to the time it likely means he's not single and is trying to not draw attention to the lack of time he is about to give his other half so as to not be suspicious... personally I think there should be a name and shame thread on here for timewasters of any kind... |
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The man being offline for so long doesn't bode well.
There are some very reasonable people here. Some might be thankful to be on the reserve list. They just dont need to get their hopes up.
I'm reminded of a fem friend who had a hotel meet. Sadly, he was called away by wife and sickly child. Little chance of return even though he'd paid for the room and left the job half done. I got the call. Not offended, mildly amused and too far away. |
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"Assume he won't show and you won't be disappponted. Organise another or just have a bloody good time with each other. I ain't bothering trying to organise any more meets as I'm now getting ghosted - no need fellas
You have lovely boobies kayelle"
Agreed. Absolutely first class. |
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"Back up guy sounds quite ruthless! "
Sadly it's a picture of how FAB is today. The site is rife with fantasists, dreamers and timewasters. We always have a back-up plan due to the number of no shows. If they go quiet they aren't arriving. If we hear nothing up to a few hours before a meet it's block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone.
I hate chatting on the phone. The plan was the meet for a drink first anyway. He got in touch later (conveniently) saying he had to travel for an injured child. It may or may not have been true, I don't know, but funny how people suddenly find the time afterwards."
If I was travelling for an injured child, the last thing on my mind would be logging on to a sex site.
We had a meet sorted and he went quiet a few days before. He mailed the night before to say he'd had an accident and was in hospital....
I met him 3 weeks later and he was still very bruised. Sometimes it's true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Give him until a cpl hrs before the arranged time? If nothing start looking at the meet today section.
Not so much a back up guy as that's a shit thing to do if the original guy does make contact. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Back up guy sounds quite ruthless!
Sadly it's a picture of how FAB is today. The site is rife with fantasists, dreamers and timewasters. We always have a back-up plan due to the number of no shows. If they go quiet they aren't arriving. If we hear nothing up to a few hours before a meet it's block and move on."
I Assume you tell the guy he's a back up sausage then yeah ?
Only kidding I know what it's like on here
Dial a cock it seems
Quite sad really tbh
But if these guys can get to you with a moment's notice then fair play
*imagining some of them now cocks in hand,on fab and sat at the wheel with engine running |
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"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone.
You often go to meet someone unverified, in a hotel that you’ve never spoken to? I wouldn’t do that as a guy.
Yeah, I’ve done that. I’ll chat to someone on here and meet them in a bar first. I’d only go back if it felt right.
Really, I think most people wouldn’t. Rule no. 1 make sure you know who you’re meeting before travelling."
You do your rules, let others do theirs. In all my years of swinging and hundreds of meets and socials not once have I spoken to anyone on the phone or been in a dodgy situation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To clarify, I always meet socially for a coffee first, broad daylight and somewhere public, so have never felt the need for an awkward phone conversation first. I've met 2 verified men on here, purely socially but didnt think to ask them to verify me, so I'm not a complete unknown entity.
Last night was meant to be drink in the bar and if we clicked, up to our hotel room, I would never just open my hotel door to a stranger I had just laid eyes on.
I have kids and I know how they can get injured and of course they are your priority. It just seemed a bit of a coincidence that everything had resolved itself an hour and a half after we were supposed to have met. Personally, if my child was in a bad way, letting a swinging date know I was unavailable wouldn't have been my priority, but for a minor injury where my child wasn't in a serious state and I wasn't frantic with worry, I'd have found time somewhere in that 24 hours to log on for 2 minutes to send my apologies. It's just good manners. |
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I get this a lot they chat to you for a week and then on the day suddenly go offline and don’t read last message, no reason or explanation ppl are entitled to change their mind but I just think it’s darn rude not to turn up when you arranged to play .
a simple I’ve changed my mind ! Or your not really my type ! Would suffice but I’m sure I’ll get it again just ,would like a guy who’s regular and enjoys fucking without the drama lol rant over   . |
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I think a back up plan is perfectly acceptable. People chat on here all the time. Chat with a couple of others in the area. Build up a rapport. Say that if you're ever in the area would be nice to meet up.
Then tell him we're in your town, someones ler us down. Would you like to meet for drinks only.
No harm in that.
For guy no.1, we tend to look at our phones every 2 mins.
Only being in a coma or losing your phone down a drain are acceptable excuses.
I've done the latter but have 2 devices so can always access the internet. |
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So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here. "
It was really shit how you got treated on that thread! |
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"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here.
It was really shit how you got treated on that thread!"
sadly that sort of treatment is getting more common in the forums. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Another potential idea, is to send him a message saying that due to him not getting back to you today you thought something might have come up to him so you have made other plans, and wish him all the best.
If in the future he gets back to you and explains what went on, all well and good. Either way it leaves you free to make a second plan for your time without any lack of transparency."
This is what I do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here.
It was really shit how you got treated on that thread!
sadly that sort of treatment is getting more common in the forums."
It's always been like that. I find it odd that those women and couples are looking to fuck men yet they seem to hate men.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab forums are always full of double standards tho.
A cpl or fem asking a question will get a total different respo we to a single guy asking the same question.
Same as a married fem playing away is more acceptable on here than a married guy. |
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"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set up a “meet me today” now...
Sit back and enjoy the floods of messages. It takes time to trawl through the rubbish, but one or two gems can always be found.
It’s always worked for me... "
This is what we would do. Out of thirty messages one will be ok |
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"At the very least should obtain a mobile telephone number.
If so, ring it!
If relying on messaging here, then he ain't going to show!"
You've got to be mad to give out your phone number. I'm not on facebook so it doesnt matter.
Your number gets linked to everything |
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"At the very least should obtain a mobile telephone number.
If so, ring it!
If relying on messaging here, then he ain't going to show!
You've got to be mad to give out your phone number. I'm not on facebook so it doesnt matter.
Your number gets linked to everything"
This is why kik |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At the very least should obtain a mobile telephone number.
If so, ring it!
If relying on messaging here, then he ain't going to show!
You've got to be mad to give out your phone number. I'm not on facebook so it doesnt matter.
Your number gets linked to everything"
You do know cell phones have a block number feature......
Giving out your cell phone number is much easier than relying on Fab emails... |
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"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here. "
Didnt even know what "entitled male" meant. We all look to see if a message has been read. Thats why theres a trend on fab towards saving messages as unread.
For one meet, watched the distance on the fab radar going down to quarter mile before she bailed. A no show. Guess that makes me creepy too |
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"I get this a lot they chat to you for a week and then on the day suddenly go offline and don’t read last message, no reason or explanation ppl are entitled to change their mind but I just think it’s darn rude not to turn up when you arranged to play .
a simple I’ve changed my mind ! Or your not really my type ! Would suffice but I’m sure I’ll get it again just ,would like a guy who’s regular and enjoys fucking without the drama lol rant over ."
You're so right foxyminx. I've met nice people here, and a few that chat for hours and promise a whole lot of what turns out to be nothing as the evaporate just like the ghost they are without, warning, goodbye, changed my mind, or even kiss my arse.
Not too many I'm pleased to sat but enough to spoil it if you let it. A regular FB or even better a FWB would be magic. |
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"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here.
Didnt even know what "entitled male" meant. We all look to see if a message has been read. Thats why theres a trend on fab towards saving messages as unread.
For one meet, watched the distance on the fab radar going down to quarter mile before she bailed. A no show. Guess that makes me creepy too"
Not sure how a fab radar works. I struggle to find the link that says who's near. Can always accept someone's advice on how to find it. |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"So interesting is people’s reactions to posts on Fab. When I posted an identical thread a month or so ago I was described as an entitled male. I was called pushy and even creepy and a stalker for looking to see if the message had been read. All because I was a single man.
For the record the meet never happens and it looks like the same here.
Didnt even know what "entitled male" meant. We all look to see if a message has been read. Thats why theres a trend on fab towards saving messages as unread.
For one meet, watched the distance on the fab radar going down to quarter mile before she bailed. A no show. Guess that makes me creepy too
Not sure how a fab radar works. I struggle to find the link that says who's near. Can always accept someone's advice on how to find it."
Just checked and you are a silver member. You will find it on the mobile platform. Log in and on the fab home page you should see under the main title bars right hand side 'See who's near'
Think you have to have it switched on in your fab settings/preference |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
We have experienced this. loads of chat then all goes quiet. We now will not meet unless mobile numbers are exchanged. That is if we arrange meeting outside of a club, it happens far to often now. We meet in clubs 99% of the time now so no real need to swap numbers but if folk do we tend to know they are serious about meeting, if they are a no show we are out having a great time anyway. We know some will not exchange numbers so if intending to meet outside a club environment we let them pass by and find people they are compatible with. Works well for us. Fab is all about what works for everyone. No one is the same. At the end of the day if we hadn't heard from someone we had arranged to meet or they hadn't read our messages our last message would be to cancel explaining why. Their problem if they can't be arsed to read. Communication is paramount |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's hard to know what to do for the best really, as more spontaneous meets could possibly reduce time wastage from longer build up no-shows, but it also reduces the pool of available men. Plus, call me old fashioned but I actually like to get to know people, rather than use Fabs as a dial-a-cock service.
Obviously last night was disappointing as it was meant to be our first meet as a couple - I have only played singly so far. But as previously mentioned, it was only an afterthought and we had a lovely evening with espresso martinis and chocolate truffles, in a very nice hotel. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We had a no show happen to us once. Afterwards we tended to keep the vast majority of meets to people with veris and haven't had a no show since then."
He had 4 verifications if I remember correctly. |
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"Tbh I can see your nearby so probably Cardiff, but if I hadn’t spoken to you on the phone I’d be cautious about meeting you.
Why ?
I have often met people without speaking on the phone.
You often go to meet someone unverified, in a hotel that you’ve never spoken to? I wouldn’t do that as a guy.
Yeah, I’ve done that. I’ll chat to someone on here and meet them in a bar first. I’d only go back if it felt right.
Really, I think most people wouldn’t. Rule no. 1 make sure you know who you’re meeting before travelling.
You do your rules, let others do theirs. In all my years of swinging and hundreds of meets and socials not once have I spoken to anyone on the phone or been in a dodgy situation."
not my rules. And there’s always the next time  |
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For Ray in Cheltenham (pm messases from guys blocked obv)
Fab radar
Search
Whos near on
Tap to turn on
Need "location" ON on your mobile
See who's near
Match your preferences.
You probably this sorted already, just hadn't realised you had it. For travelling man it's useful
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In this case we’d probably put money on the guy being married. If he’s got other veris then as someone says his wife has probably arranged something he can’t escape from.
It’s happened to us so best to assume they’re married by default and be pleasantly surprised when they’re not.
This is also why we don’t meet married men because this sort of thing happens. They don’t have full control of they’re schedule. |
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I think it's polite to message the night before to check that the meeting is still going ahead, or at least a "looking forward to meeting you both later. I'll let you know when I'm setting off" type message" during the day.
Then a "Just leaving work/house, ETA 19:30 ish"
Everyone has a satnav. It's not difficult.
It's fine to cancel in good time, for whatever reason. These things happen. Adopt a breezy smile and try again.
Always have a backup plan, say cinema, gallery, meal out etc, because people are generally worse than bloody useless.
If your messages are unread,or worse, read with no reply, or there's some distance involved, consider whether it's worth going at all. Check out cinema listings for plan B if youre going to take a chance.
NO SECOND CHANCES FOR LETDOWNS |
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Thanks for the input everyone.
