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Looking for advice.
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
Hello and before I even start thank u for taking time to read and help.
I’m looking for advice on how to build my confidence back up. I haven’t been playing for a number of months now, apart from with my fwb. But we was friends before I started meeting people. Cut long story short I had a few miscarriages affected my mental health so stayed away apart from the fwb as he knew and understood so didn’t feel I needed to cut him off. But now I’m thinking about playing again but I seem to have lost all my confidence. Hubby always tells me I’m beautiful etc but he would think that he loves me. But I no longer feel it so the thought of me taking my clothes off is not one I like. Does anyone have any advice on best way for me to try get my confidence back enough just to want to play again. I tried going on a social that didn’t help at all. Don’t know if it was just the wrong person or if it was me.
Miss x |
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So sorry for your losses (hugs)
Miscarriage can have a devestating effect on mental health, and even when you think all is ok, it can hit you like a truck again.
My ex husband and I suffered 8 miscarriages. Ultimately, we grew apart and it ended our marriage. I finally started to heal when I ended my first marriage and met Shaggy, 9 years after losing my first baby.
Please don’t feel you have to rush into swinging again. Take time together to talk and maybe even have counselling if you need to. Swinging can be hard enough on a relationship without adding in the complications of mental health and grieving.
Good luck to you both xx |
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By *aeBabeWoman
over a year ago
London |
Don't rush into swinging or feel the like you have to go back into it again.
If you can work on getting to a better place with yourself then think about going back into it again once the curiosity and need is there.
It won't feel right if your heart isn't into it xx
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
Thank you both for your replies. Mentally I’m fine have been for a while. I am ready and know once I’m back into it I will be happy again. I’m just struggling to make the first step. I feel stuck as I lost confidence being out of it. And it’s the one thing that gives me confidence
Miss x |
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Sorry for your loss we've been through it too so kmow how you feel. Time is a grwat healer.
What about a good club.
But before you go just agree you are going to go out and have a good time whatever that is, maybe play maybe not.
Just learn to relax around like minded people again, chat flirt and hopeful you'll find your mojo again. Private meets can sometimes put to much pressure on to play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you both for your replies. Mentally I’m fine have been for a while. I am ready and know once I’m back into it I will be happy again. I’m just struggling to make the first step. I feel stuck as I lost confidence being out of it. And it’s the one thing that gives me confidence
Miss x "
My thoughts would be these, build a “friendship” with new people guys girls or couples, trust your gut feeling to out those who you feel don’t have your feelings at heart.
Hopefully you will find a playmate who will be there to pleasure you, give you back the freedom to enjoy pure pleasure semy fun by ensuring you totally get lost in sexy feelings and not be there for their pleasure only.
Have fun xxxx |
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Spend time with your FWB or someone else who's able to show you how beautiful you are. I've had confidence issues for different reasons, and spending time with my FWB helped a lot. The way he reacts to me, sometimes taking time to caress various body parts and the like. Just being exposed, vulnerable, but safe. |
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"Thank you both for your replies. Mentally I’m fine have been for a while. I am ready and know once I’m back into it I will be happy again. I’m just struggling to make the first step. I feel stuck as I lost confidence being out of it. And it’s the one thing that gives me confidence
Miss x "
If you're struggling to make the first step due to lack of confidence but its the one thing that gives you confidence I suggest that you're not ready.
Don't rely on sex with other people for your self worth, its transient and if you're using it to build confidence only leads to you needing more. Look around and see your value to your loved ones, your value to yourself and only return to swinging when you don't need it for anything more than a bit of fun. |
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"Thank you both for your replies. Mentally I’m fine have been for a while. I am ready and know once I’m back into it I will be happy again. I’m just struggling to make the first step. I feel stuck as I lost confidence being out of it. And it’s the one thing that gives me confidence
Miss x
If you're struggling to make the first step due to lack of confidence but its the one thing that gives you confidence I suggest that you're not ready.
Don't rely on sex with other people for your self worth, its transient and if you're using it to build confidence only leads to you needing more. Look around and see your value to your loved ones, your value to yourself and only return to swinging when you don't need it for anything more than a bit of fun."
Yes, my advice is based on you being otherwise ready. |
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
Self worth and confidence I see as two separate things. I have an amazing hubby a perfect child all the rest. I am a lovely person but I’m not here for people to like me for me as in on the inside I got that. I’m here to be wanted for my body the bits on the outside. I won’t let people I have sex with to even get to know me as a person that’s where the people who love me can’t help. I understand people don’t understand or think differently. That’s what makes everyone different. I also know no matter what u look like there are people who will think ur pretty. But being a confident walking into a room with ur clothes on is completely different to going in naked. Everyone got different reasons for swinging and as shallow as it sounds I love it when someone wants to get they hands on my body if that makes sense xx |
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I've found that the two are inextricably linked, and I can only be confident when I'm fine as I am. Your husband and child should be irrelevant to your self worth. You need to find it in yourself, entirely in yourself. (I say this from experience, not unkindly)
My suggestion was about letting someone put your own work into this context. |
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
"Spend time with your FWB or someone else who's able to show you how beautiful you are. I've had confidence issues for different reasons, and spending time with my FWB helped a lot. The way he reacts to me, sometimes taking time to caress various body parts and the like. Just being exposed, vulnerable, but safe. "
My fwb have only ever showed how much he loves my arse. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind that. But it’s not the part of me I’m worried about. And as I have said hubby loves me I could be ill dragged through a bush what ever he would still think I’m the most gorgeous person alive. I need someone new.
Socials I enjoy always go but I been so much people are starting to know me. And clubs are a no no from me. Not something I am interested in.
I don’t mean to be bad to males on here. But some are not very nice and I had a look messaged a few and I’m just giving up as I am picking the wrong men. Xx |
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"Self worth and confidence I see as two separate things. I have an amazing hubby a perfect child all the rest. I am a lovely person but I’m not here for people to like me for me as in on the inside I got that. I’m here to be wanted for my body the bits on the outside. I won’t let people I have sex with to even get to know me as a person that’s where the people who love me can’t help. I understand people don’t understand or think differently. That’s what makes everyone different. I also know no matter what u look like there are people who will think ur pretty. But being a confident walking into a room with ur clothes on is completely different to going in naked. Everyone got different reasons for swinging and as shallow as it sounds I love it when someone wants to get they hands on my body if that makes sense xx "
How are you going to feel when you're my age and fewer and fewer people want to get their hands on your body? There's nothing wrong with wanting to be desired it's perfectly natural and nothing wrong with a shallow attitude to casual sex but you're looking for a deeper reassurance from a shallow thing.
What is it about your body that you feel lets you down? |
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
"Sorry for your loss we've been through it too so kmow how you feel. Time is a grwat healer.
What about a good club.
But before you go just agree you are going to go out and have a good time whatever that is, maybe play maybe not.
Just learn to relax around like minded people again, chat flirt and hopeful you'll find your mojo again. Private meets can sometimes put to much pressure on to play."
I’m sorry to hear u been through it too.
I’m not into clubs. But a night out maybe a good idea. Thank u xx |
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I've discovered, through serious injury, that my body itself is actually irrelevant to my confidence (although my FWB doing things physically helped with that). I'm enough, as I am. (for me it was about beating myself up about my weight. I'm more confident at a size 16 than I was at a size 10, because I accept my unconditional worth) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your post is a mixture of losses.... Miscarriages , body confidence and self esteem.
I do understand miscarriage and the tremendous pain and anguish that is left, we lost our first, she didn't lose it...We lost our dreams and hopes and it was truly devastating. Thankfully we had 3 more kids together, but there will always be one missing.
Sex is linked to babies...Whether consciously or not it's a fact of life...And endings are so difficult to navigate.
Bodies let us down, they droop and get flabby and sometimes don't do what they should.And sometimes our partners can't support us as they have their own issues to sort out around death and endings.
If I am in the wrong state of mind then swinging is the last place I should be. Personally as a male the constant rejections or non replied to long and well thought through emails that I have sent can feel equally upsetting, we all have feelings.
Clubs are an option because you are in control and do not have to play ot listen to others crap.But when you are reading crap at home on your own it can be a lonely pkace.
I have heard from many people on fabs that they have received abusive messages from men when they haven't responded in a certain way, (men why do this shit, walk away with your integrity).
Personally I would suggest going to bereavement counselling it seeking out a Psychosexual therapist...As childbirth, sex and self esteem seem inextricably linked.
Either way, tread gently honey, and take really good care of yourself x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you both for your replies. Mentally I’m fine have been for a while. I am ready and know once I’m back into it I will be happy again. I’m just struggling to make the first step. I feel stuck as I lost confidence being out of it. And it’s the one thing that gives me confidence
Miss x
If you're struggling to make the first step due to lack of confidence but its the one thing that gives you confidence I suggest that you're not ready.
Don't rely on sex with other people for your self worth, its transient and if you're using it to build confidence only leads to you needing more. Look around and see your value to your loved ones, your value to yourself and only return to swinging when you don't need it for anything more than a bit of fun."
This 
Good luck OP xxx |
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
"Ahem. It appears the op is now a man.  "
There seems to have been a misunderstanding from somebody who has taken it upon themselves to change our account. It makes no sense to me as miss is trying to regain her confidence back for playing but we both actively attend socials and have Veris (including recent ones). I've contacted admin about it to get it changed back to a couple.
Mr. |
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By *issvv OP Couple
over a year ago
pontyclun |
"Ahem. It appears the op is now a man. "
This is one of the other things I have to keep dealing with. It’s not the first time our account has been reported because I decided I needed to stop playing. But as adamin can see what we post and everyone can read verifications I don’t understand why we are reported or why admin keep changing it. It really is annoying when I’m trying to get back into it now I got to wait till admin step in again to change it back.
Miss x |
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