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We are all guilty of making quick judgements.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sunday morning.Hey All.
Yep we are all guilty of making quick judgements,FACT.
This post is about "just friends".
Ok so we all been in the / a relationship where the other half has "the just friends" person.
Ok so you give them the benefit of the doubt,you love your partner and Thrust them.
But overtime there is something eating away at you,the "just friend's " person is around a lot more. Ok so you then tell yourself stop you are been jealous over nothing they are with you in the end,no need to feel insecure.
but then others are saying things like eh what's the story with them and how are you ok with it.
So doubt sinks in.
(I know that this is a swinger site ).
But I am using this as how the "just friends" has always ended up with it been more than that and has ended relationship/marriages.
But I am also looking at the fact that there is a belief that Men and women can't be just friends,that there is always one who has feeling towards the other.
Like unrequited love. Or for it to work one has to be gay. |
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I think in many cases the "just friends" scenario is down to one of them having deeper feelings than the other but by no means all. Like fwb and fb relationships, I think there's often an imbalance. It doesn't mean there's anything going on in the case of platonic relationships though.
Take each case individually I say. |
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My best friend is a woman who was initially a student of mine then colleague. We are both married but meet pretty regularly and I certainly 'love' her but as a friend - physical desire and all it entails has never been a part of the friendship. I suspect it would kill it if it was AND can you believe it  we are both in sexless marriages. Strange old world isn't it?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The only women men can be just friends without sex is women in their families..."
So are you saying that you can not be able to be just friends with a woman if you are not related to them.
Or are you been sarcastic!!.
Ain't always good at picking that up in texts or on here.
In person ye no problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My best friend was a man. He even told me about this site. Sadly he passed away last year. When I first met people in the fet scene (I worked at some of the events) some assumed I was a swinger and seeing him sexually, they were surprised when we said absolutely not, just best friends. We weren’t attracted to each other in any way. Some of my closest friends are Male and again the sexual attraction isn’t there, we just click x Viv x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My best friend is a woman who was initially a student of mine then colleague. We are both married but meet pretty regularly and I certainly 'love' her but as a friend - physical desire and all it entails has never been a part of the friendship. I suspect it would kill it if it was AND can you believe it we are both in sexless marriages. Strange old world isn't it?!"
Does your wife know about her.
And you meet up regularly just ye two,not in a group setting.
Ok you went there about both been in sex less marriage.
So my taking on this is.
You want to fuck her. But are afraid as it might ruin the friendship. So you bottle it up.
So there is my answer. Men and women can't be just friends without sex or feelings leading to sex. Doesn't half of relationship start out with been friends.
Ok in my case I have male friend who I have known since I was 16.
We never kissed or dated,As I just don't see him that way. I see him as like a big brother.
We hung out a lot,just us at times or with others.
But we are not as close as we used due to both been in relationships.
Well I am single now.
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"The only women men can be just friends without sex is women in their families...
So are you saying that you can not be able to be just friends with a woman if you are not related to them.
Or are you been sarcastic!!.
Ain't always good at picking that up in texts or on here.
In person ye no problem. "
Some people aren't able to be just friends with the opposite sex. I have a male friend, we text occasionally and hug when we meet. It's absolutely platonic on both sides but I would say he's the exception that proves thecrule . I wouldn't normally have male friends, there would always be a sexual element to it *for me* that doesn't mean there is for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm capable of being 'Just friend's' With people on Fab and in real life. I'm also capable of falling for some of them.. Given I think I'd need to consider someone a friend, before I start to fall.
Follow your gut OP. If it feels wrong, it usually is. If it's causing you pain, you need to act in order to stop it. |
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"My best friend is a woman who was initially a student of mine then colleague. We are both married but meet pretty regularly and I certainly 'love' her but as a friend - physical desire and all it entails has never been a part of the friendship. I suspect it would kill it if it was AND can you believe it we are both in sexless marriages. Strange old world isn't it?!
Does your wife know about her.
And you meet up regularly just ye two,not in a group setting.
Ok you went there about both been in sex less marriage.
So my taking on this is.
You want to fuck her. But are afraid as it might ruin the friendship. So you bottle it up.
So there is my answer. Men and women can't be just friends without sex or feelings leading to sex. Doesn't half of relationship start out with been friends.
Ok in my case I have male friend who I have known since I was 16.
We never kissed or dated,As I just don't see him that way. I see him as like a big brother.
We hung out a lot,just us at times or with others.
But we are not as close as we used due to both been in relationships.
Well I am single now.
"
Sorry your interpretation is simply wrong - our friendship is about being on the same wave length and very open with each other and valuing each other's opinions (even when we don't agree). Yes our partners, my wife/her husband both know about our friendship and how close and important it is. I have been married nearly 50 years, this friendship has been a part of that for at least half that time and predates my friend's marriage! In this case you have 'rushed in', your 'take' on our friendship is wrong!!! Cheers Alan |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm capable of being 'Just friend's' With people on Fab and in real life. I'm also capable of falling for some of them.. Given I think I'd need to consider someone a friend, before I start to fall.
Follow your gut OP. If it feels wrong, it usually is. If it's causing you pain, you need to act in order to stop it."
Well I have dealt with it.As I am now single,As I was right about it been more than just friends.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm capable of being 'Just friend's' With people on Fab and in real life. I'm also capable of falling for some of them.. Given I think I'd need to consider someone a friend, before I start to fall.
Follow your gut OP. If it feels wrong, it usually is. If it's causing you pain, you need to act in order to stop it."
Well I have dealt with it.As I am now single,As I was right about it been more than just friends.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I get all that. That yes you can literally just be friends with the opposite sex.
But why do some think that it has to be more to it. Like even in films or the bloody soaps.
That it is always shown as a Affair. Never just as a friendship.
And if it is,it's usually shown as he is gay or she is.
Like look at the friends series All of them at one stage in the series hooked up. Apart from the two main couples Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel.or that monica and ross where brother and sister |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm capable of being 'Just friend's' With people on Fab and in real life. I'm also capable of falling for some of them.. Given I think I'd need to consider someone a friend, before I start to fall.
Follow your gut OP. If it feels wrong, it usually is. If it's causing you pain, you need to act in order to stop it.
Well I have dealt with it.As I am now single,As I was right about it been more than just friends.
"
I'm sorry to hear that, but glad that you had the courage to stand up for yourself. It's an attractive quality in a person in my eyes. |
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"I get all that. That yes you can literally just be friends with the opposite sex.
But why do some think that it has to be more to it. Like even in films or the bloody soaps.
That it is always shown as a Affair. Never just as a friendship.
And if it is,it's usually shown as he is gay or she is.
Like look at the friends series All of them at one stage in the series hooked up. Apart from the two main couples Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel.or that monica and ross where brother and sister "
I wouldn't base your view of life on what you see on TV |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I get all that. That yes you can literally just be friends with the opposite sex.
But why do some think that it has to be more to it. Like even in films or the bloody soaps.
That it is always shown as a Affair. Never just as a friendship.
And if it is,it's usually shown as he is gay or she is.
Like look at the friends series All of them at one stage in the series hooked up. Apart from the two main couples Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel.or that monica and ross where brother and sister
I wouldn't base your view of life on what you see on TV "
I very seldom do watch TV.anyways.
It is just a over all Generalised view point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm capable of being 'Just friend's' With people on Fab and in real life. I'm also capable of falling for some of them.. Given I think I'd need to consider someone a friend, before I start to fall.
Follow your gut OP. If it feels wrong, it usually is. If it's causing you pain, you need to act in order to stop it.
Well I have dealt with it.As I am now single,As I was right about it been more than just friends.
I'm sorry to hear that, but glad that you had the courage to stand up for yourself. It's an attractive quality in a person in my eyes."
It took me a while to stand up for myself and to see it for what is was. Out of pure fear. But I am glad that I finally did. And it was a huge learning point for me as a whole person.
I dont have bitterness towards my ex either. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I am just in the middle of doing a whole recap on my life and circumstances that have changed since for me.
So this is why I am just asking in the general question and to see from a different view point. A healthy debate.
As I am literally learning new things about my self as a whole person. |
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Would ruin an amazing friendship 