FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Revealing real life identity?
Revealing real life identity?
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Just wondering whether and when people reveal their real life identity to Fab contacts. Some people seem to be very free with personal information; some very cagey; some perhaps slightly too free with information for their own good; some will reveal once they trust you. I guess it partly depends on whether you have work or family situations where any kind of exposure as a swinger or libertine might be difficult. I’ve come across the whole spectrum on Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would think it depends very much on the individual's circumstance, such as their job etc. Due o the nature of my work, I won't have public photos and I'm very reluctant to send face pics.
But equally, real friendships can develop and enough trust to not have to fully segregate your life, so who knows! |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
There are very few people from fab even know my real name let alone revealing details.
Those that know most about me are people I've known on the fet scene or have been close to in other ways. There is one person that I've met strictly through fab (and we haven't actually met yet) who knows more about me then most.
If I know you well enough for you to go on my personal Facebook (spoiler alert. Never likely to happen - doubt anyone would make my BDSM based one) then you might get to know my chosen name (still not my actual name) and vaugely what I do for a living. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tell everyone I meet in person my real name. If I meet them more than once then they're the kind of person I probably want on my Facebook with all my other friends.
I don't really try to hide, have only really been hiding my bisexuality, probably the last things I was scared of. Most of my friends know, my employer knows, my colleagues know. Two random builders I met at work today got to know, thanks to my Boss.
I really don't care  Why should I? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People on here have no need to know my personal info so I tell nothing. My everyday life is completely separate to my fab life. I wouldn't have it any other way. |
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One person on here knows all about us. That person is a trusted friend that we met through the chatrooms, but have never played with and never will.
That person has become a very close friend of both of us and has met our families, friends and work colleagues. That person has even helped us out with childcare when required, because they are trusted.
However, no one on here really needs to know anything about us whatsoever, so our real identities are our business, no one else's. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tell everyone I meet in person my real name. If I meet them more than once then they're the kind of person I probably want on my Facebook with all my other friends.
I don't really try to hide, have only really been hiding my bisexuality, probably the last things I was scared of. Most of my friends know, my employer knows, my colleagues know. Two random builders I met at work today got to know, thanks to my Boss.
I really don't care Why should I?"
I share the same attitude.
Only meet people you're comfortable meeting then you won't have to hide your name under some other misery name, if you meet more than once and it just so happens you become friends with them- don't see why should you pretend that you don't know or spend time with them?
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I had one salutary occasion when someone told me her job and her employer and told me to Google it, which I thought was very trusting, and within 5 minutes I knew her real name and had found her LinkedIn and FaceBook profiles – which she wasn’t anticipating and found rather shocking. We can easily leave quite a digital footprint. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tell everyone I meet in person my real name. If I meet them more than once then they're the kind of person I probably want on my Facebook with all my other friends.
I don't really try to hide, have only really been hiding my bisexuality, probably the last things I was scared of. Most of my friends know, my employer knows, my colleagues know. Two random builders I met at work today got to know, thanks to my Boss.
I really don't care Why should I?
I share the same attitude.
Only meet people you're comfortable meeting then you won't have to hide your name under some other misery name, if you meet more than once and it just so happens you become friends with them- don't see why should you pretend that you don't know or spend time with them?
"
Exactly |
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"I had one salutary occasion when someone told me her job and her employer and told me to Google it, which I thought was very trusting, and within 5 minutes I knew her real name and had found her LinkedIn and FaceBook profiles – which she wasn’t anticipating and found rather shocking. We can easily leave quite a digital footprint."
Agree, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out details especially in this day and age.
What I can’t figure out, is you trust a guy enough to allow them to stick their willy into you but don’t trust him enough-despite just having sex-to giving out some personal details. The priorities baffles me.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tell everyone I meet in person my real name. If I meet them more than once then they're the kind of person I probably want on my Facebook with all my other friends.
I don't really try to hide, have only really been hiding my bisexuality, probably the last things I was scared of. Most of my friends know, my employer knows, my colleagues know. Two random builders I met at work today got to know, thanks to my Boss.
I really don't care Why should I?"
I'm a very open person and my friends and family know what I do. I understand some have to be careful because of your jobs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally the people i meet with know who I am and a fair amount of basic personal info.
But only an fwb would know more about me, but I really don’t hide anything.
It’s important I feel if you’re building a long term relationship/friendship with someone that you’re honest about yourself, it shows an element of trust in that person.
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had one salutary occasion when someone told me her job and her employer and told me to Google it, which I thought was very trusting, and within 5 minutes I knew her real name and had found her LinkedIn and FaceBook profiles – which she wasn’t anticipating and found rather shocking. We can easily leave quite a digital footprint.
Agree, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out details especially in this day and age.
What I can’t figure out, is you trust a guy enough to allow them to stick their willy into you but don’t trust him enough-despite just having sex-to giving out some personal details. The priorities baffles me. "
And it baffles me why you'd need to know.  |
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"I had one salutary occasion when someone told me her job and her employer and told me to Google it, which I thought was very trusting, and within 5 minutes I knew her real name and had found her LinkedIn and FaceBook profiles – which she wasn’t anticipating and found rather shocking. We can easily leave quite a digital footprint.
Agree, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out details especially in this day and age.
What I can’t figure out, is you trust a guy enough to allow them to stick their willy into you but don’t trust him enough-despite just having sex-to giving out some personal details. The priorities baffles me.
And it baffles me why you'd need to know. "
I didn’t say I wanted to know in my post.
I’m agreeing with OP but with a different prospective, what I’m questioning is the priorities of some posts on this thread seem upended.  |
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"Personally the people i meet with know who I am and a fair amount of basic personal info.
But only an fwb would know more about me, but I really don’t hide anything.
It’s important I feel if you’re building a long term relationship/friendship with someone that you’re honest about yourself, it shows an element of trust in that person.
Mrs x"
That’s a natural and rational approach.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are couple of men from years ago (who I consider friends ) that know my name, phone number, occupation etc etc...and I know theirs too.
In more recent years I don’t reveal much, so when I attended the London Tea Party Social I used the 1st part of my username Roxi.
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By *yesgreenMan
over a year ago
north and south |
"Personally the people i meet with know who I am and a fair amount of basic personal info.
But only an fwb would know more about me, but I really don’t hide anything.
It’s important I feel if you’re building a long term relationship/friendship with someone that you’re honest about yourself, it shows an element of trust in that person.One day the future will be brighter for our kids to enjoy and not be judged by our sexual pleasure fabulous people
Mrs x"
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Those I meet or chat to regularly know my real first name (plus surname and mobile number if meeting) but then by the time I arrange to meet I trust that person enough to be meeting them so also trust them with my details and in fact pass them over as much for their own security as anything - those I meet also get to see my car registration number too I suppose |
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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago
Henley Arden |
"I had one salutary occasion when someone told me her job and her employer and told me to Google it, which I thought was very trusting, and within 5 minutes I knew her real name and had found her LinkedIn and FaceBook profiles – which she wasn’t anticipating and found rather shocking. We can easily leave quite a digital footprint.
Agree, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out details especially in this day and age.
What I can’t figure out, is you trust a guy enough to allow them to stick their willy into you but don’t trust him enough-despite just having sex-to giving out some personal details. The priorities baffles me. "
Because one is causal sex and may you meet them once and only once.
The other is rest of your life and if things go wrong with that ‘only once meet ‘ the implications could be devastating.
Better safe than sorry. But everyone has different priorities. |
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I generally think that very little personal information is usually called for. And it can be helpful for some people to alter their home location etc. Unless applying for a job, people don't need to provide much info on their career.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been to people's homes 5 or 6 times and still need a map to get there.
I went to press the buzzer for my local friend's flat recently-who I've been seeing for two years- and forgot which number he is. |
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"It wouldn't matter what people told me about themselves. I would have forgotten it by the time I got home."
I can deliberately forget when I'm asked to. Have to be discreet and respect some people's vulnerable situations. I once met someone and quickly realised I knew her son through a previous job I'd had. Told her and we decided it was best to not see each other again and forget what we knew. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
"Anyone I plan to have sex with I trust with personal details. Maybe that makes me niave but I create friendships with my sex partners. "
That sounds entirely reasonably to me for the reason you give. It's progressive disclosure I would add as friendship builds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Doesn’t occur to us not to give real names, by the time we have decided to meet or even send the first pace pics we have already assessed there’s no chance we already know the person or have any connections outside of this. Doesn’t bother us chatting about what we do etc either, it’s just small talk surely, we don’t want to be watching what we say incase they think we are prying or it risks becoming shake hands in silence, fuck and go, that’s not for us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the problem lies when someone (typically a male) gets a little bit of information then tries to connect the dots that they have no right to connect
If someone shares a snippet of personal information, it is to give you an idea of who they are outside of fab. It is not an open invitation to go all Sherlock Holmes and tunnel your way into their personal life.
If they give you their real name, address and anything else, if you choose to do anything with that then you really need to have a word with yourself.
I know the real names, occupations and more of some of my fab friends. They have entrusted me with that and I have returned that trust.
If any of them found me on face book, I would trust them to discreetly ignore me and carry on with their lives.
Likewise I would do the same.
no wonder people are cagey when the disturbed and determined start to dig where they shouldn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the problem lies when someone (typically a male) gets a little bit of information then tries to connect the dots that they have no right to connect
If someone shares a snippet of personal information, it is to give you an idea of who they are outside of fab. It is not an open invitation to go all Sherlock Holmes and tunnel your way into their personal life.
If they give you their real name, address and anything else, if you choose to do anything with that then you really need to have a word with yourself.
I know the real names, occupations and more of some of my fab friends. They have entrusted me with that and I have returned that trust.
If any of them found me on face book, I would trust them to discreetly ignore me and carry on with their lives.
Likewise I would do the same.
no wonder people are cagey when the disturbed and determined start to dig where they shouldn't."
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the problem lies when someone (typically a male) gets a little bit of information then tries to connect the dots that they have no right to connect
If someone shares a snippet of personal information, it is to give you an idea of who they are outside of fab. It is not an open invitation to go all Sherlock Holmes and tunnel your way into their personal life.
If they give you their real name, address and anything else, if you choose to do anything with that then you really need to have a word with yourself.
I know the real names, occupations and more of some of my fab friends. They have entrusted me with that and I have returned that trust.
If any of them found me on face book, I would trust them to discreetly ignore me and carry on with their lives.
Likewise I would do the same.
no wonder people are cagey when the disturbed and determined start to dig where they shouldn't."
Who says we've no right to connect the dots? You? Bore off. Connecting dots is what this is all about to some people.
Personally I think it's natural to want to find out more about a person I am attracted to. I think we've all done it in the past, with relationships, or prove we fancied.
This site runs on lust.
I think if youve met on a Social or Meet then the boundary is crossed when you are sent a repeat invite, after ignoring the first. Or sent one when you specifically asked to not be E-waved at. Ideally you'd hope someone like that would have the sense to keep all their privacy filters on high and have no way of linking real you to fab you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find the “no public photos because of my job” position baffling. Even if you’re a teacher, police officer or MP you’re not going to be identified and outed by a public photo of your tits, arse or cock. I wouldn’t have a full face picture as public but frankly no-one is going to look at a picture of my pussy and go, oh that’s so and so. I wouldn’t go near a profile with no public pictures.
That said, I caught the eye of a man in a shop earlier and thought “oh he looks familiar, do I recognise him from Fab?”. I meet a lot of people in my job so could have been from anywhere but hey, it gave me a pleasant 5 mins fantasising about the what if’s.
Not sure I’d feel the need to tell anyone we played with our surname either but we’re very new to this so I guess it depends if and how relationships develop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People on here have no need to know my personal info so I tell nothing. My everyday life is completely separate to my fab life. I wouldn't have it any other way. "
^ this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to reveal as little as possible, I generally don't want my work life and personal life disrupted negatively. I have bi on my profile, which I like to keep very discrete. It is a side of me that is secret in the vanilla world. People can search on your mobile number on Facebook, so need to be careful. Happy swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the problem lies when someone (typically a male) gets a little bit of information then tries to connect the dots that they have no right to connect
If someone shares a snippet of personal information, it is to give you an idea of who they are outside of fab. It is not an open invitation to go all Sherlock Holmes and tunnel your way into their personal life.
If they give you their real name, address and anything else, if you choose to do anything with that then you really need to have a word with yourself.
I know the real names, occupations and more of some of my fab friends. They have entrusted me with that and I have returned that trust.
If any of them found me on face book, I would trust them to discreetly ignore me and carry on with their lives.
Likewise I would do the same.
no wonder people are cagey when the disturbed and determined start to dig where they shouldn't.
Who says we've no right to connect the dots? You? Bore off. Connecting dots is what this is all about to some people.
Personally I think it's natural to want to find out more about a person I am attracted to. I think we've all done it in the past, with relationships, or prove we fancied.
This site runs on lust.
I think if youve met on a Social or Meet then the boundary is crossed when you are sent a repeat invite, after ignoring the first. Or sent one when you specifically asked to no be E-waved at. Ideally you'd hope someone like that would have the sense to keep all their privacy filters on high and have no way of linking real you to fab you.
"
You completely miss my point about connecting dots.
Someone mentions where they work. You know their age,gender and workplace. Do you google them? Thats the line I mean. You know that is what I mean too...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tell people the name I go by (I'm sure it wouldn't be hard to guess my real name) when we've been chatting, the type of work I do & the general area I live in.
Had one guy say hi to me in a forum thread & use my real name admin removed it but it was still out there long enough. He was already blocked before this, so its never foolproof.
I would only give more specific information to someone I've met a lot & have become friends with. If we're meeting, they know where I live, that's a big enough trust test for me.
I have had a few fab friends come up in 'people you may know' on facebook  because I've had their numbers saved, I don't have my number on fb so hopefully I don't come up on anyone elses!
You have to give a little though, to know you can trust people. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I tell my real name ,i would forget if i changed it lol.
Only a couple of people have ever had my number though and i never give email addys or add to social media.
I am always truthful and don't share anything i am uncomfortable doing so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my energy supplier keeps asking for my date of birth
now what has my d.o.b got to do with my gas and electric  "
They need to know if you're old enough to call for their 'great deals for OAPs' |
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