FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > So what did you do when you had a different desire to each other??
So what did you do when you had a different desire to each other??
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m wondering how couples that have been doing this for years got through the training wheels days, if you disagreed on what the rules should be or if one of you wanted to stop and the other didn’t, any tips you have for really making “swinging “ an amazing part of a long term marriage? |
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If one of us doesn't want to do something neither of us does. If one of us wants to stop we both do.
If one of us isn't sure if we want to do something we give it a go and depending on the outcome either do it or don't do it again.
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"If one of us doesn't want to do something neither of us does. If one of us wants to stop we both do.
If one of us isn't sure if we want to do something we give it a go and depending on the outcome either do it or don't do it again.
"
This 
We are in this together. If at any time one of us says no to anything or wanted to stop completely then we stop. No ifs buts or maybes |
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We have always agreed that if one us wanted to stop then that was that. Apart from that every one wants to try different things you just have to work it out to a point were it suits you both.
lots of talking then a little more talking and once thats over a bit more talking again. then enjoy have fun get frisky and don't forget lots of talking |
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"I’m wondering how couples that have been doing this for years got through the training wheels days, if you disagreed on what the rules should be or if one of you wanted to stop and the other didn’t, any tips you have for really making “swinging “ an amazing part of a long term marriage? "
When i was with my ex she wanted to play with women but i wanted the more cuckolding relationship. It ended here we could try any of those things together |
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It depends what it is.
If it was to stop or take a break then thats what we do.
But if it is hubby wanting me to do something I didnt want or like to do then often enough he will nag nag nag nag nag until I do it and then find out I was glad he nagged me to do it. |
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"They talk about it instead of posting threads asking random strangers for advice? Its in the advice thread 
And I'm giving advice -see how easy that was?"
maybe helpfull advice as other people in the thread have  |
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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago
the right frame of mind -London |
"They talk about it instead of posting threads asking random strangers for advice? Its in the advice thread
And I'm giving advice -see how easy that was? maybe helpfull advice as other people in the thread have "
What's unhelpful about telling him to rather talk to his partner about these things?
Strange planet you live on... strange planet indeed |
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"If one of us doesn't want to do something neither of us does. If one of us wants to stop we both do.
If one of us isn't sure if we want to do something we give it a go and depending on the outcome either do it or don't do it again.
"
Pretty much our approach try anything once and sometimes more than once, just to be sure!  |
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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago
the right frame of mind -London |
"They talk about it instead of posting threads asking random strangers for advice? Its in the advice thread
Touché "
Next step -follow through the arguement too it's conclusion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We talk about any changes to our boundaries prior to them happening and have to both agree. It's a shared journey for us we never do anything without us both being happy with it. Male  |
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"We talk about any changes to our boundaries prior to them happening and have to both agree. It's a shared journey for us we never do anything without us both being happy with it. Male "
great reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If one doesn’t want to meet or do this we don’t. We’ve had a period of 2 years when we haven’t played as neither wanted to. It’s all about talking and understanding each other and never to pushed into something YOU don’t want to do. |
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"If one doesn’t want to meet or do this we don’t. We’ve had a period of 2 years when we haven’t played as neither wanted to. It’s all about talking and understanding each other and never to pushed into something YOU don’t want to do. "
Interesting, most of the posts state broadly, that the one who doesn’t want to do x z y in a relationship is the de facto action/direction to take, I understand why a couple would take that stance, to preserve or maintain harmony. But why doesn’t it work in the opposite direction? By reason it should work both ways as it is a relationship.
Maybe given time, those forum users may pop up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If one doesn’t want to meet or do this we don’t. We’ve had a period of 2 years when we haven’t played as neither wanted to. It’s all about talking and understanding each other and never to pushed into something YOU don’t want to do.
Interesting, most of the posts state broadly, that the one who doesn’t want to do x z y in a relationship is the de facto action/direction to take, I understand why a couple would take that stance, to preserve or maintain harmony. But why doesn’t it work in the opposite direction? By reason it should work both ways as it is a relationship.
Maybe given time, those forum users may pop up."
There’s been times as a couple where I’ve had no mojo or he’s been working away and both have the others blessing to meet without them.
As a couple you have to maintain harmony or it simply won’t work. I’ve met couples in the past where it’s been visible from the onset that she really doesn’t want to do this and is going along for his sake! That’s not harmony at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If one doesn’t want to meet or do this we don’t. We’ve had a period of 2 years when we haven’t played as neither wanted to. It’s all about talking and understanding each other and never to pushed into something YOU don’t want to do.
Interesting, most of the posts state broadly, that the one who doesn’t want to do x z y in a relationship is the de facto action/direction to take, I understand why a couple would take that stance, to preserve or maintain harmony. But why doesn’t it work in the opposite direction? By reason it should work both ways as it is a relationship.
Maybe given time, those forum users may pop up."
Because that sounds much more selfish |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends what it is.
If it was to stop or take a break then thats what we do.
But if it is hubby wanting me to do something I didnt want or like to do then often enough he will nag nag nag nag nag until I do it and then find out I was glad he nagged me to do it."
I don't like the sound of that  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for your perspective guys,, I’m the woman btw. We do talk all the time together and we’re not rowing about it or anything just struggling to find the inbetween level we’re both happy with. I was just wondering what other couples do in this situation... I know everyone here has a different need for fab/swinging so I just thought it’d be interesting to see the answers, it sounds like most back down and go monogamous if one party wants that,or is unsure.. I don’t see how that’s fair on the other person in the relationship or compromising but I get why. He’s still on the fence for now so we will see anyway. Thank you for your experience xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i would not want to deny him exploring any sexual interest he has that I do not share.
we talk about things and I am happy for him to experiment within the rules we decide together.  |
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