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How to leave a meet....
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By *oley999 OP Woman
over a year ago
Land of Rainbows and Happiness |
So I have been lucky enough to have very gracious meets. If there is no sexual attraction, I have been able to say that and they have been lovely and completely reasonable.
I am quite aware that that might not always be the situation.
Any particular tips or phrases people use when you just don't get the "I want to fuck you" vibe from folk, so you can leave without drama? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't put yourself in a position where sex is expected if you have not already made your mind up. I understand that sometimes something will come to light and put you off but if you have done your homework and met for a social first then this situation should never arise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do socials first to avoid this.
If they don't look like their photos, lied about being single, live miles then stated or anything else I'm not interested in, I keep them company until I've finished my drink. Then I make an excuse why I have to leave. I then thank them for the social and tell them I'll message them later.
I'd rather tell them in a message I'm not interested in further meets. Reason being I'd be rather worried how negative they may react to me in person. I receive enough abuse on here, I don't need it in person. |
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"Don't put yourself in a position where sex is expected if you have not already made your mind up. I understand that sometimes something will come to light and put you off but if you have done your homework and met for a social first then this situation should never arise"
Sound advice. Only had two social meets that have not progressed further. So, yes, do your homework. |
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"I do socials first to avoid this.
If they don't look like their photos, lied about being single, live miles then stated or anything else I'm not interested in, I keep them company until I've finished my drink. Then I make an excuse why I have to leave. I then thank them for the social and tell them I'll message them later.
I'd rather tell them in a message I'm not interested in further meets. Reason being I'd be rather worried how negative they may react to me in person. I receive enough abuse on here, I don't need it in person."
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By *e_jpMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
"I do socials first to avoid this.
If they don't look like their photos, lied about being single, live miles then stated or anything else I'm not interested in, I keep them company until I've finished my drink. Then I make an excuse why I have to leave. I then thank them for the social and tell them I'll message them later.
I'd rather tell them in a message I'm not interested in further meets. Reason being I'd be rather worried how negative they may react to me in person. I receive enough abuse on here, I don't need it in person."
Seems like sound advice to me. |
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By *oley999 OP Woman
over a year ago
Land of Rainbows and Happiness |
"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks. "
This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You probably do this anyway but make it clear in the conversations before hand it will be social only. Then hopefully they won't expect anything else to happen.
While your there if you dont feel comfortable then say something on The lines of. It was lovely meeting you in person..hope your free to chat later online.
It's polite but also gives the other person The 'this is the end of the social' clue lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To add (re read 1st post)If your at an actual meet and you don't get the feeling. Say something we are going to to have to rearrange. Something's come up. You don't have to give a reason x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jump up, hit the lights on and start singing "Cuban Pete" and dance your way out. 
Serious note, make sure it's clear it's a social first so all of you can gauge if there's an interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at. |
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Introduce comments that indicate that the meeting is coming to a conclusion, such as 'It's been fantastic to get to meet you...' And offer your thanks etc
There may be no point at this time to spell things out in black and white, that you have no sexual interest. By not doing so, you're not leading them on, as you've not stated that you have it.
You can conclude with a light hug, maybe offer your cheek (or hand  ) for a quick kiss - but only if 100% appropriate - and offer something like 'We can chat in a couple of days, thanks again. Enjoy your 200 mile walk home  in the snow.
It throws the point where you may communicate that there's no sexual interest away from that point where you might feel awkward etc. Of course, they may reach the same conclusion as well as realise that you're not interested in them.
If it's a sexual meeting, then continue with a warm, friendliness - unless under duress/threat - and I'd offer my apologies and tell them that I'm not up for it - rather than that they aren't for me. 'Would you like the bathrooom, before you head out?' - if you're at your hotel room etc.
I like to be upfront and honest but I'm unsure of your circumstances, where/what the meet type is and generally do what I can to ensure that I'm respectul and empathetic to a guy's emotions. I usually use myself as the reason, if it was on the spot, rather than pinpointing the focus onto them. A brief explanatory chat at a later point can bring clarity and closure to the involvement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.
This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"
Before we arranfe a meet we always make sure the other party understands that the social is non committing to anything further and that no answers about meeting for more will be given or expected during social. Like this no one feels under any pressure during the meet and it gives time to think about it before messaging one way or the other.
Mrs |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I do socials first to avoid this.
If they don't look like their photos, lied about being single, live miles then stated or anything else I'm not interested in, I keep them company until I've finished my drink. Then I make an excuse why I have to leave. I then thank them for the social and tell them I'll message them later.
I'd rather tell them in a message I'm not interested in further meets. Reason being I'd be rather worried how negative they may react to me in person. I receive enough abuse on here, I don't need it in person."
This works well. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.
This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"
If it's not been talked about, and I prefer it if it's not (esp if I know it's not going any further) I usually thank them for turning and say I'll be in touch. Then message them later.
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Don’t over think it, you seem an honest lady, just say what you feel and give true feedback on what didn’t float your boat.
Better to know where they went wrong so that they can correct it and you will get a good feeling more than feeling awkward.
Good luck
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.
Or just climb through the toilet window? Got broad shoulders me, doubt I'd fit through.  "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at. "
And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.
And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat. "
Is Angela your back up fab date ?
*Yes no what it is |
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"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at. "
Yes I was going to bring up asking for Angela if no one else. Worth knowing about “just incase” and I certainly hope to never have to use it! |
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"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.
And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.
Is Angela your back up fab date ?
*Yes no what it is "
You can approach a member of staff and ask for Angela. They know you are asking for help without wanting to make a scene.
They’ll help you leave discretely, via a back door or let you wait somewhere while a taxi arrives etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.
And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.
Is Angela your back up fab date ?
*Yes no what it is
You can approach a member of staff and ask for Angela. They know you are asking for help without wanting to make a scene.
They’ll help you leave discretely, via a back door or let you wait somewhere while a taxi arrives etc. "
Well done for posting that twinkle
So important that all fabsters know this if they didn't already
And for once I'm being serious on the forums
Jay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have said, make it clear from the start it is a social only. Perhaps include in the message when you arrange to meet, that you like to go away and think before arranging anything else. Then as someone suggested you can let them down via a message later. It's about managing expectations. If your chat is just flirty before meeting and you have stressed it is just a social, then there shouldn't be a problem. If however your chat has all been about what you are going to do, when you play, ride him/her/them and it's all horny, porno chat then the expectation would be a lot higher. |
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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
"I do socials first to avoid this.
If they don't look like their photos, lied about being single, live miles then stated or anything else I'm not interested in, I keep them company until I've finished my drink. Then I make an excuse why I have to leave. I then thank them for the social and tell them I'll message them later.
I'd rather tell them in a message I'm not interested in further meets. Reason being I'd be rather worried how negative they may react to me in person. I receive enough abuse on here, I don't need it in person."
Bang on.. |
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By *ay19720Man
over a year ago
Ashford kent |
"This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?
If it's going really bad and you don't feel safe you could always #askforangela at the bar. Google it if you don't know what I'm getting at.
And yes this advice is best if your in a social environment but feel under threat.
Is Angela your back up fab date ?
*Yes no what it is
You can approach a member of staff and ask for Angela. They know you are asking for help without wanting to make a scene.
They’ll help you leave discretely, via a back door or let you wait somewhere while a taxi arrives etc. "
Well I never new that. |
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If you are meeting for a social first maybe choose a pub that has one of those schemes that the bar staff will help you out if the meet is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, they have a code sentence for women to use, and then make sure they can get back to their car or to a taxi safely.
That isn't meant to scare the shit out of you by the way, just reassuring to have that option there if you need it |
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By *tirluvMan
over a year ago
the right frame of mind -London |
Go to the toilet and escape out the window -do make sure to take everything with you when you do as it's a bit embarrassing having to come back for something with dodgy stains all over your blouse |
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By *stmateMan
over a year ago
Notts |
Lots of good advice, when you arrange your social it might be worth stipulating that you want to meet for an hour or so, that should be your get out of jail card. It’s all about setting expectations. Just my pennies worth |
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"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.
This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"
Plan first. Tell them in that you like to decide after the social and that you’ll let them know by message.
A now fabulous friend and I met for a coffee years ago, we were almost all over each other in Nero’s but when it came to getting naked at a later date, we stopped, looked at each other and went “nah”.
If you want to cut the social short “thanks for the social but I don’t feel the sexual attraction”. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
My advice to guys when attending a social first meet with a woman is not to ask for a second meet or playtime but leave it until the next day. I never have done ,I just enjoy the social and see what transpires but women friends have told me of the embarassment they have had at being asked about meeting or playing during the social when they are undecided or it's just too early to say. It can ruin the evening seemingly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met a lady a few years ago for a social. We arrived separately and went for a drink. She was honest virtually straight away and said I wasn’t for her which was fine. She asked if I would drop her off at home, which being a gentleman agreed to do. As I dropped her off she leaned over for what I thought would be a quick peck on the cheek. But she came in for a full on snog with her hands all over my cock. Then she broke off and said bye and got out of my car. Talk about confused. |
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"I used to just climb out of the toilet window , but as I'm still carrying a bit of mince pie weight I can't do that any more.
"
On a more serious note, I've said to someone halfway down the first cup of coffee that sorry there was no chemistry and I was leaving.
Didn't feel great saying it, but I don't want to waste their time or mine. |
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By *juk72Man
over a year ago
Reading |
Know your boundaries and be confident about expressing and enforcing them.
As others have said no one should ever expect sex (even if that was the proposed intent of the meet, and you/they have taken time/energy/money to be there)
Therefore ensure this is the understanding before the meet. Have the 'what if either of us doesn't feel it at the time?' conversation before the meet.
Agree the lemon law (If you have ever watched How i Met your mother.)
If they are not happy to have the conversation beforehand you can put money on the fact they would not take being told no on the meet well. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I never say anything face to face, if their is no attraction I leave with a peck on the cheek.
If they didn't get the same vibe and ask me after the fact, I just say 'Sorry, but there was no attraction for me'
Never had any problems with that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Start talking about your 6ft tall boyfriend whose just got out of prison....he still there? oh forgot to mention he's in for GBH and you hadn't even slept with the bloke he did over!! |
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"offer them pizza"
I'd just meet for the pizza !! Anything else would be a bonus
...
I think if you really want to put someone off order them an XL meat feast to fill them up with a side of cheesy garlic bread up and a beer (happy to meet anytime hahaha) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have my first social tomorrow never usually do them so this is very interesting although I think we have already decide we are going to fuck "
Think you know when you know ness without sounding presuming here   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always meet socialy first and if tje sparks not there i just say thanks but no thanks.
This is what I am meaning sorry! During a social. The awkward.....sorry, but no thanks. Any better phrases?"
If it’s just a social, just say you’ve had a lovely time. No need to make it awkward. Just tell them via a message next time they ask to meet! Bit of a cowards way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always have a social meet and never play at the 1st meet, this then stops anyone feeling the need to say face to face, nah you’re not for me "
Even if you fancy the fuck out of each other ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get someone to call you, txt while your meet is on the toilet or something and make an excuse then.
Or just climb through the toilet window?
Cowards way out "
Yeh grow a pair |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Normally we have a social first and so at the end of the evening we all say our goodbyes and then after discussing it together we will let them down gently, unless they say no to us.
The only time it has sort of turned nasty was a couple who we quickly discovered we had nothing in common with, he was to put it politely an arrogant dick and she barely spoke but as it was just a social we continued to have a few drinks with them. At the end of the night their taxi failed to arrive so we offered to give them a lift home as it was on our way. We pulled up outside their house and the guy leaned through from the back rubbing his hands rather creepily and said "So how about it?". Mrs looked at him and said succinctly "NO, now get out". |
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"Any reasonable adult would be ok with rejection. And if they not you’ve definitely made the right decision not to play with them."
I think that's the reason for the initial question...as has been mentioned in soooo many forum posts, there's more than a few that aren't even light years close to "reasonable"...  |
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