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Swingers Dating?

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman  over a year ago

London

So I've just recently updated my profile to reflect what I'm looking for this year and how I want to use this site.

I'm on vanilla dating sites too but get the impression that me saying I'm into the swinging lifestyle could make men's views of me very tainted, that I'm somehow disrespecting myself. Also, any mention of swinging leads to men feeling like I'm up for it all the time (I usually am but you get my point ) or that they can't take me seriously.

I updated my profile to filter any unwanted messages from people who just want random fucks or hook up but do you think that will have the opposite effect?

I'm not asking you to judge my profile and preferences but rather the decision I made to say what it is I'm ultimately looking for on here, which is to date a fellow swinger.

I also know that a lot of single men on here aren't "swingers", I'd ideally love what most couples on here have.

Do you think perhaps sticking to vanilla dating sites is best and mention swinging at a later point or be honest from the start?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Looking at your pictures I’m sure you won’t be short of offers

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By *HaRiFMan  over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

Up to you probably just mention it on the date rather than on the vanilla site its self. But people on this site have been known to date and become couples.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Im in a similar position in that I'd love to find a boyfriend I could introduce to the swinging world, I'm also on the dating sites, I think you can tell when you meet if they are going to be up for it, but I wouldn't put it on my profile. I would tell them after a couple of dates that I USED to do it and check out their reaction. Good luck! X

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I’ve got the same problem in finding a girlfriend that is into swinging. I also date on vanilla sites but the risk of rejection is high if you introduce the argument at a later moment.

Also bear in mind that guys in general are more jealous and possessive and they’d less likely accept such an arrangement. On the other side as it was already mentioned on here many single guys are not into swinging per se but more likely into a quick fuck. I hope you’ll meet somebody that will fulfill your expectations nevertheless

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By *ildfire1212Man  over a year ago

fife

Checked out your profile and to be honest i don’t understand why you need to post something relating to you looking for a partner or relationship when your profile seems to suggest that you are maybe very picky and enjoy the attention as not only are beautiful but hold fantastic looking party’s as a single woman ?? yet you put on a run of the mill dating site about your swinging again attention so basically your life is being surrounded by attention for you and that has become a little boring yet if you did find someone and to put up with a life style you are used too it could be hard to find x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Honestly don’t mention swinging on any vanilla date.... the minute you do , the guys mind will think of threesome’s with you and other women......

Just meet guys and fall in love with one... get married, have kids if you want them.... then when sex starts to slow down bring up swinging as a new adventure for both of you...

By then you will have a strong marriage and you can mentally separate sex from love...

Don’t worry about all the friends you made swinging or the swinging scene... niether will vanish .... and you can come back to swinging at anytime , it will always be here with new people and the lifers....

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By *itzhallMan  over a year ago

birchington


"Honestly don’t mention swinging on any vanilla date.... the minute you do , the guys mind will think of threesome’s with you and other women......

Just meet guys and fall in love with one... get married, have kids if you want them.... then when sex starts to slow down bring up swinging as a new adventure for both of you...

By then you will have a strong marriage and you can mentally separate sex from love...

Don’t worry about all the friends you made swinging or the swinging scene... niether will vanish .... and you can come back to swinging at anytime , it will always be here with new people and the lifers...."

.

Sound advice

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman  over a year ago

London


"Checked out your profile and to be honest i don’t understand why you need to post something relating to you looking for a partner or relationship when your profile seems to suggest that you are maybe very picky and enjoy the attention as not only are beautiful but hold fantastic looking party’s as a single woman ?? yet you put on a run of the mill dating site about your swinging again attention so basically your life is being surrounded by attention for you and that has become a little boring yet if you did find someone and to put up with a life style you are used too it could be hard to find x"

Have not put anything about swinging on vanilla dating sites. I've stated on them I'm not looking for hook ups.

I know I have had fun as a single woman on here but that's not what I want anymore. I want to enjoy it with a partner

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By *aeBabe OP   Woman  over a year ago

London


"Honestly don’t mention swinging on any vanilla date.... the minute you do , the guys mind will think of threesome’s with you and other women......

Just meet guys and fall in love with one... get married, have kids if you want them.... then when sex starts to slow down bring up swinging as a new adventure for both of you...

By then you will have a strong marriage and you can mentally separate sex from love...

Don’t worry about all the friends you made swinging or the swinging scene... niether will vanish .... and you can come back to swinging at anytime , it will always be here with new people and the lifers...."

Thank You, will give this a thought x

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By *ildfire1212Man  over a year ago

fife


"Checked out your profile and to be honest i don’t understand why you need to post something relating to you looking for a partner or relationship when your profile seems to suggest that you are maybe very picky and enjoy the attention as not only are beautiful but hold fantastic looking party’s as a single woman ?? yet you put on a run of the mill dating site about your swinging again attention so basically your life is being surrounded by attention for you and that has become a little boring yet if you did find someone and to put up with a life style you are used too it could be hard to find x

Have not put anything about swinging on vanilla dating sites. I've stated on them I'm not looking for hook ups.

I know I have had fun as a single woman on here but that's not what I want anymore. I want to enjoy it with a partner"

Sorry I picked that up wrong but I know a single woman from here and she has been on dating site to get away from this but st times when she needs she will post on fab ‘

Try and keep things separate as to be in a relationship with yourself could take an experienced guy with your interests in mind but may not want anything more than FB x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

To agree with the previous post my friend met someone on here and started dating everything was fine for a few months but then he started putting pressure on her for threesomes which she was not averse to but her heart wasn’t really in it and it ended in tears . I hope you have better luck x

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By *adyA01Woman  over a year ago

Wellington

Hello OP,

I completely get where you are...

I have already been married and had my kids etc... I found the swinging lifestyle after the breakdown of my marriage..

Like you I have stated on my profile what I am looking for ie. Ideally a swinging relationship... I have been in a swinging relationship before and it was amazing... We played as a couple with other couples... We didn't play seperately as it was about sharing our experiences together...

I have tried vanilla dating sites too and gave up very quickly... Just as many single guys on them looking for a quickie as there are on here..

I did have one guy from a vanilla site that I went on a date with, he seemed to genuinely like me for me.... I have since told him about my swinging experience as I wanted to be upfront before any emotional investment... Although he still occasionally chats to me... His interest has definitely wanted....

So to me it seems I am more likely to find someone here...

I say stick with it and if the right person is meant to come along they will and it will all work out..

Good luck and I hope we both find what we are looking for xxx

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By *arlo82Couple  over a year ago

the gym and random places

Most are on all generic vanilla sites and fab. I had a guy ask me out via instagram who then advised me for honesty sake he was on fab and knew i was.

I've friends who say they won't date from fab but how would you know?

I say say it.... live life, take chances cos if someone is for you won't matter how or where you met them x

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan  over a year ago

Coventry

Personally (as I've said on simular theads) I am big advocate of seeking relationships of FAB if you wish to stay in the lifestyle. Mainly because it's difficult to find what your looking for on normal dating sites and often people outside the scene can get so wrong ideas. To me fab is a website for all aspects of the lifestyle so why not use it to seek dating with in the lifestyle? After you should be able to be truly yourself in a relationship and loved for it.

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By *irginieWoman  over a year ago

Near Marlborough

Right there with you OP. I don’t use other dating sites because what I want I think I can find here.

V x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"So I've just recently updated my profile to reflect what I'm looking for this year and how I want to use this site.

I'm on vanilla dating sites too but get the impression that me saying I'm into the swinging lifestyle could make men's views of me very tainted, that I'm somehow disrespecting myself. Also, any mention of swinging leads to men feeling like I'm up for it all the time (I usually am but you get my point ) or that they can't take me seriously.

I updated my profile to filter any unwanted messages from people who just want random fucks or hook up but do you think that will have the opposite effect?

I'm not asking you to judge my profile and preferences but rather the decision I made to say what it is I'm ultimately looking for on here, which is to date a fellow swinger.

I also know that a lot of single men on here aren't "swingers", I'd ideally love what most couples on here have.

Do you think perhaps sticking to vanilla dating sites is best and mention swinging at a later point or be honest from the start?

"

It depends how busy you are on here... If you haven't had a meet for a while, why mention it whilst on another site. People don't need to divulge everything at the start. Take your time on both sides and see which feels best for you (or which one you are more successful with)

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By *lan157Man  over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

It used to be said that you are likely to meet your life long partner in pursuit of a similar activity e.g. the tennis club. If Swinging is important to you and since it's so divisive as an interest then it seems to me that looking for someone amongst those already in the lifestyle makes sense.

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman  over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

Maybe word it as polyamourous/polygamous rather than bring up swinging.

I found being honest on my dating profiles i found what/who i want, was also easy enough to spot who was talking shit as well and who was considering what i wanted.

I personally found i had to leave fab to find a relationship coz half the people i blocked on fab (coz of their age) would contact me on dating sites as i have a different type for sex and dating, for casual sex needs to be hot and physically attract me but for dating needs to be so much more mentally than physically.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Honestly don’t mention swinging on any vanilla date.... the minute you do , the guys mind will think of threesome’s with you and other women......

Just meet guys and fall in love with one... get married, have kids if you want them.... then when sex starts to slow down bring up swinging as a new adventure for both of you...

By then you will have a strong marriage and you can mentally separate sex from love...

Don’t worry about all the friends you made swinging or the swinging scene... niether will vanish .... and you can come back to swinging at anytime , it will always be here with new people and the lifers...."

Erm not really. My ex ran off with a swinger.. im left with a messy divorce and kids to raise on my own

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Hello OP,

I completely get where you are...

I have already been married and had my kids etc... I found the swinging lifestyle after the breakdown of my marriage..

Like you I have stated on my profile what I am looking for ie. Ideally a swinging relationship... I have been in a swinging relationship before and it was amazing... We played as a couple with other couples... We didn't play seperately as it was about sharing our experiences together...

I have tried vanilla dating sites too and gave up very quickly... Just as many single guys on them looking for a quickie as there are on here..

I did have one guy from a vanilla site that I went on a date with, he seemed to genuinely like me for me.... I have since told him about my swinging experience as I wanted to be upfront before any emotional investment... Although he still occasionally chats to me... His interest has definitely wanted....

So to me it seems I am more likely to find someone here...

I say stick with it and if the right person is meant to come along they will and it will all work out..

Good luck and I hope we both find what we are looking for xxx

"

I was once where you and the OP are. Both of you are welcome to message.

OP I know we had some “ words” recently about vaginas but past is past and like I said you’re more than welcome to message.

I was looking on fab for roughly 2 yrs. So all the things you’ve mentioned rings very relevant to my situation before I met Richard x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Op it’s not you! Omg. Apologies. The name is similar

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"So I've just recently updated my profile to reflect what I'm looking for this year and how I want to use this site.

I'm on vanilla dating sites too but get the impression that me saying I'm into the swinging lifestyle could make men's views of me very tainted, that I'm somehow disrespecting myself. Also, any mention of swinging leads to men feeling like I'm up for it all the time (I usually am but you get my point ) or that they can't take me seriously.

I updated my profile to filter any unwanted messages from people who just want random fucks or hook up but do you think that will have the opposite effect?

I'm not asking you to judge my profile and preferences but rather the decision I made to say what it is I'm ultimately looking for on here, which is to date a fellow swinger.

I also know that a lot of single men on here aren't "swingers", I'd ideally love what most couples on here have.

Do you think perhaps sticking to vanilla dating sites is best and mention swinging at a later point or be honest from the start?

"

Shame you don’t want a younger guy wow hot x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Honestly don’t mention swinging on any vanilla date.... the minute you do , the guys mind will think of threesome’s with you and other women......

Just meet guys and fall in love with one... get married, have kids if you want them.... then when sex starts to slow down bring up swinging as a new adventure for both of you...

By then you will have a strong marriage and you can mentally separate sex from love...

Don’t worry about all the friends you made swinging or the swinging scene... niether will vanish .... and you can come back to swinging at anytime , it will always be here with new people and the lifers....

Erm not really. My ex ran off with a swinger.. im left with a messy divorce and kids to raise on my own "

I’m very sorry this has happened.....

Some relationships are not meant for swinging

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By *entadreadMan  over a year ago

Essex


"So I've just recently updated my profile to reflect what I'm looking for this year and how I want to use this site.

I'm on vanilla dating sites too but get the impression that me saying I'm into the swinging lifestyle could make men's views of me very tainted, that I'm somehow disrespecting myself. Also, any mention of swinging leads to men feeling like I'm up for it all the time (I usually am but you get my point ) or that they can't take me seriously.

I updated my profile to filter any unwanted messages from people who just want random fucks or hook up but do you think that will have the opposite effect?

I'm not asking you to judge my profile and preferences but rather the decision I made to say what it is I'm ultimately looking for on here, which is to date a fellow swinger.

I also know that a lot of single men on here aren't "swingers", I'd ideally love what most couples on here have.

Do you think perhaps sticking to vanilla dating sites is best and mention swinging at a later point or be honest from the start?

"

Could it be you are looking in the wrong places? Find out who you are and what you want, hedonists don't do well on vanilla sites, so stay clear if you identify as one. And if you think you are not one or unsure, don't go searching in sites like fabs. In my humble years in life, I have found knowing what you want goes a long way in filtering out undesirables. Give it time, you will meet someone who will tick most of your boxes.

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By *ana_nana_MATTMAN!Man  over a year ago

Haywood Village, Weston-super-Mare

Most of it is pretty good to be fair, but I would advise losing the gold standard/celebrity crush sentence, and just respond to those you find attractive.

Also, you state you don't want hook-ups etc, but still want to swing. As much as I understand what you mean, it might be clearer to tag the 'don't want' portion onto the end of the 'want' portion. Such as:

"Yes, that means I'm looking for a relationship with a fellow swinger, as oppose to one-offs."

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By *LOVEpinacoladasWoman  over a year ago

East Sussex

Snap!

I've found that when I've spoken to 'vanilla' guys about swinging, they either get put off, assume I'm the gateway to a universe of FFM threesomes (god forbid it should be a man), or say they're cool with it and then have a meltdown when they properly fall for me.

I've had quite a lively past and (while I don't give a blow-by-blow account of things) I can't, and wouldn't want to, pretend it didn't happen - loads of my friends are from the scene in any case. So, I'm spreading the net...

Best of luck in your search!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

As far as vanilla dating goes I've had far more luck meeting women on other non swinging sites. Even if after chatting and meeting for drinks or dinner it didn't progress any further.

I would love to meet someone on here who I clicked with and where we could explore and have adventures together. Thought also want a normal vanilla life away from here. I just don't want to compromise on great sex

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By *heangelWoman  over a year ago

wonderland

I’m the same

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By *nsatiablepartnerseekerMan  over a year ago

nottingham

Yes but your profile says not looking for single guys... so you aren't going to find a male swing partner here

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