FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Body Issues And Confidence

Body Issues And Confidence

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I know everyone has some form of body issues or things there not happy about but anyone have them to the extent that it effects you playing/approaching people??

I have always been a really big/fat guy and i really struggle with it mentally with feeling like I stand out from everyone else and find it hard to accept that someone would want to play with me so much that I wouldn’t approach someone in a club and if I do play It causes me problems “performing”

Anyone else had/have similar things?? How do/did you get out the mindset??

Mr xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know everyone has some form of body issues or things there not happy about but anyone have them to the extent that it effects you playing/approaching people??

Anyone else had/have similar things?? How do/did you get out the mindset??

Mr xx"

It makes me quite sad to read this, as I used to be unhappy with myself. It did effect my confidence, health and happiness.

If it's your size and weight, then that is something you can work towards changing, though you don't need to do so.

Living honestly is the key to self confidence. Own your perceived flaws, like you are doing in this post. Don't let them own you.

I don't think size and weight is a barrier. Most women I know are not shallow in the slightest. The most traditionally attractive being least shallow of all - to my suprise.

I know beautiful women who are in relationships with big men, because of their big personalities and nothing else.

There is hope.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I know everyone has some form of body issues or things there not happy about but anyone have them to the extent that it effects you playing/approaching people??

Anyone else had/have similar things?? How do/did you get out the mindset??

Mr xx

It makes me quite sad to read this, as I used to be unhappy with myself. It did effect my confidence, health and happiness.

If it's your size and weight, then that is something you can work towards changing, though you don't need to do so.

Living honestly is the key to self confidence. Own your perceived flaws, like you are doing in this post. Don't let them own you.

I don't think size and weight is a barrier. Most women I know are not shallow in the slightest. The most traditionally attractive being least shallow of all - to my suprise.

I know beautiful women who are in relationships with big men, because of their big personalities and nothing else.

There is hope.

I am working towards my weight and size but it’s quiet hard in the sport I’m in when size is needed but still trying to lose body fat and build muscle.

Tbh my post is more to see how others cope with there body issues (it wasn’t a oh look at me, give me attention. Blah blah post so I hope it doesn’t come across as that)

Yeah I agree with you that most women aren’t shallow and I’ve got some great people round me who tell me how well I’m going and how good I’m going but it’s just hard to accept it myself.

I think myself I don’t see why someone would want to play with a guy like me when they could play with someone far better looking

Mr xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yea I’m (the guy) the same. Joined this site with the view of spicing up our sex life. We have no issues with finding men but struggle with couples.

I put this down to my body because I’m chubby and hairy. This makes me feel like I’m holding her back. Really isn’t a nice feeling at all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yea I’m (the guy) the same. Joined this site with the view of spicing up our sex life. We have no issues with finding men but struggle with couples.

I put this down to my body because I’m chubby and hairy. This makes me feel like I’m holding her back. Really isn’t a nice feeling at all

I think my fella kind of feels the same as you because I'm the one that gets all the attention on here. Feel for him and it's not nice for anyone to feel the way you do

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I think that’s the same for every couple though. It’s a woman’s world on here down to the single guys out numbering the amount of couples and women on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I struggle with my size and body confidence all the time and don't believe any compliments ever. It's a horrible feeling. So I know exactly where you coming from. But as I've got older I've noticed no matter what size you are people still worry about their size, I see friends who gave great figures and they constantly saying they feel fat etc.

I look at them and tell them stop been silly they look great etc etc but yet don't give myself the same advise.

Yes looks etc might be the first intial thing a person is attracted to but looks etc fade. A good heart and been a decent person doesn't.

Keep up the exercise for yourself x

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By *bsolutebeginnersCouple over a year ago

Planet Ork

We are both very conscious about our size. Some days it gets you down and it’s hard not to compare yourselves to other people, especially on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know everyone has some form of body issues or things there not happy about but anyone have them to the extent that it effects you playing/approaching people??

Anyone else had/have similar things?? How do/did you get out the mindset??

Mr xx

It makes me quite sad to read this, as I used to be unhappy with myself. It did effect my confidence, health and happiness.

If it's your size and weight, then that is something you can work towards changing, though you don't need to do so.

Living honestly is the key to self confidence. Own your perceived flaws, like you are doing in this post. Don't let them own you.

I don't think size and weight is a barrier. Most women I know are not shallow in the slightest. The most traditionally attractive being least shallow of all - to my suprise.

I know beautiful women who are in relationships with big men, because of their big personalities and nothing else.

There is hope.

I am working towards my weight and size but it’s quiet hard in the sport I’m in when size is needed but still trying to lose body fat and build muscle.

Tbh my post is more to see how others cope with there body issues (it wasn’t a oh look at me, give me attention. Blah blah post so I hope it doesn’t come across as that)

Yeah I agree with you that most women aren’t shallow and I’ve got some great people round me who tell me how well I’m going and how good I’m going but it’s just hard to accept it myself.

I think myself I don’t see why someone would want to play with a guy like me when they could play with someone far better looking

Mr xx"

It doesn't come across as a pity party mate, have no fear. It came across as raw honesty, which is rate and attractive in anyone.

You are intelligent, your post reads clearly and easily, another rare trait on Fab. So you've also got that going for you. Along with a1000 other positive traits that make up your personality.

Looks aren't everything, take that from a man in drag.

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"I know everyone has some form of body issues or things there not happy about but anyone have them to the extent that it effects you playing/approaching people??

Anyone else had/have similar things?? How do/did you get out the mindset??

Mr xx"

I’ve had body issues and still do now and again.

Over time I’ve learnt to like myself, it’s not always been easy though but I do like myself and I’ve turned into a bit of a Diva of late.

Chin up OP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I (Mrs) am the very same op, I hide behind my phone pretending to be confident, I post pics whilst feeling sick inside and do be in shock when people want to meet me

it's a horrible feeling and it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great you are, if you don't feel it inside it doesn't matter.

When we would go to clubs, I would fall into the trap of drinking too much to give me more confidence... It may work at the time but leaves you feeling worse the next day. The longer I go between meets the harder it gets, I go into myself and dread having to "get back out there" and start making excuses and the cycle continues

My only advice would be... Work on you and your own self confidence and focus on your good points. I know I'm a nice person and I'm fun to be around so that's what I focus on. I try to forget about what people think of me and my looks etc and just think sure if nothing else we will all have a laugh and enjoy our night.

Good luck op and I wish I had more words of wisdom

(I think that's the most honest thing I've ever said on the forums

)

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By *ADY VOLUPTUOUS OF KENTWoman over a year ago

TONBRIDGE ROUNDABOUTS

Same had issues gone away now... You cnt change your number frame, outter sometimes..But it's what's inside personality speaks volumes...

I speak from experience, when the lose the weight gosh are the miserable B******.

Can't have can't have that..

well if it's a Man....to eat. I'm there at the top table....

I adore bigger men....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I (Mrs) am the very same op, I hide behind my phone pretending to be confident, I post pics whilst feeling sick inside and do be in shock when people want to meet me

it's a horrible feeling and it doesn't matter how many people tell you how great you are, if you don't feel it inside it doesn't matter.

Good luck op and I wish I had more words of wisdom

(I think that's the most honest thing I've ever said on the forums

) "

Great post

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By *ADY VOLUPTUOUS OF KENTWoman over a year ago

TONBRIDGE ROUNDABOUTS

"Same had issues gone away now... You cnt change your number frame, outter sometimes..But it's what's inside personality speaks volumes...

I speak from experience, when the lose the weight gosh are the miserable B******.

Can't have can't have that..

well if it's a Man....to eat. I'm there at the top table....

I adore bigger men....

Dam predictive text..I can spell honest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Same had issues gone away now... You cnt change your number frame, outter sometimes..But it's what's inside personality speaks volumes...

I speak from experience, when the lose the weight gosh are the miserable B******.

Can't have can't have that..

well if it's a Man....to eat. I'm there at the top table....

I adore bigger men....

Dam predictive text..I can spell honest

Yeah yeah

I hate auto correct too

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By *rettyLittleThingWoman over a year ago

Swansea

I think I would challenge anyone who says there isn't a single thing they don't like about their body or they're not confident about because there's always one thing you wish was different.

We all have something we don't like about our bodies, but that thing you don't like someone else will love about you.

I think its a bit like personalities too there will always be that one person who won't like you, but that's their loss and you just move on and try to focus on what you do love about yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think I would challenge anyone who says there isn't a single thing they don't like about their body or they're not confident about because there's always one thing you wish was different.

We all have something we don't like about our bodies, but that thing you don't like someone else will love about you.

I think its a bit like personalities too there will always be that one person who won't like you, but that's their loss and you just move on and try to focus on what you do love about yourself.

True x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have body confidence issues, I honestly think the majority of people do.

The more I've gone to clubs, the more relaxed I have become.

We have been attending clubs for 4 years and it's only recently we have actually played in a club, with other people.

I think when your comfortable in your environment, then you relax more.

XX Katie XX

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Try the Bdsm/fetish scene

They don’t care what you look like and are very welcoming to all body types...

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By *offee with MilkCouple over a year ago

Over the roundabout and then turn right.

Dam predictive text..I can spell honest

I can spell honest too.

H O N E S T. See?

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By *ADY VOLUPTUOUS OF KENTWoman over a year ago

TONBRIDGE ROUNDABOUTS

Dam predictive text..I can spell honest

I can spell honest too.

H O N E S T. See?

Ha ha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Try the Bdsm/fetish scene

They don’t care what you look like and are very welcoming to all body types..."

Hmmm.. I'd argue that's about as true as it is on here. I may be new to Fab, but not another popular website. They deal with all the same issues fab has to.

So for a lot of people it will matter, for a lot it doesn't at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some lovely posts on here. Nice to see the kind side of Fab.

To the OP, it sounds like anxiety. I don't mean Performance Anxiety, just anxiety about yourself which likely leads to PA. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy could help. Basically tricking/programming your own mind not to follow the negative thought pathways. See your GP, best not to mention Swinging.

Ask your wife for support as well. I am sure knowing what she thinks of you is most important of all.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan over a year ago

Luton

A long time ago, I told myself that I would stop metaphorically beating myself up over my weight and appearance. That very day I ceased gaining weight and in the intervening 26 years I've begun to slowly lose some.

I accept that some women are into me and some are not. I've enjoyed 16 years so far in the swinging scene and have ended up a community leader in the polyamory world. My body does it's thing, and I don't consciously try to force it. Seems to work....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some lovely posts on here. Nice to see the kind side of Fab.

Ask your wife for support as well. I am sure knowing what she thinks of you is most important of all. "

Great answer from someone who sounds like a professional lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I go to the gym 5 times a week and take all sorts of supplements to try and make my body how I perseve acceptable but I’ve always hated my body and even now I won’t take my top off in public even when I’m on holiday, that’s one reason I like this website, it can be complimenting some times and never matters that I have pictures unclothed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some lovely posts on here. Nice to see the kind side of Fab.

Ask your wife for support as well. I am sure knowing what she thinks of you is most important of all.

Great answer from someone who sounds like a professional lol"

Ha ha! Not a professional, just been in a few bad places before, like most people on here!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Some nice posts on here thank you. Refreshing to know others have there own issues as well

My wife and close friends say how good I’m looking but I just don’t see it so just don’t accept it.

As said I’m trying to make improvements and gym 4 times a week etc and does make me feel better untill it comes to dress down and playing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some lovely posts on here. Nice to see the kind side of Fab.

Ask your wife for support as well. I am sure knowing what she thinks of you is most important of all.

Great answer from someone who sounds like a professional lol

Ha ha! Not a professional, just been in a few bad places before, like most people on here!

Wise words none the less

Nothing wrong with having issues, we all get them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Try the Bdsm/fetish scene

They don’t care what you look like and are very welcoming to all body types...

Hmmm.. I'd argue that's about as true as it is on here. I may be new to Fab, but not another popular website. They deal with all the same issues fab has to.

So for a lot of people it will matter, for a lot it doesn't at all. "

Really, I’ve been to party’s and munchies in NYC and I have seen every kind of person imaginable..... everyone was very nice to each other.... maybe the fact that sex was off the table and people were trying to meet people with the same kinks....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Try the Bdsm/fetish scene

They don’t care what you look like and are very welcoming to all body types...

Hmmm.. I'd argue that's about as true as it is on here. I may be new to Fab, but not another popular website. They deal with all the same issues fab has to.

So for a lot of people it will matter, for a lot it doesn't at all.

I'm not arguing whether or not there are all types and sizes

There most certainly are. Yes they are more focused on the kinks in question. Attraction still plays into it though. On different scales for different people. Otherwise all the single men on here would be somewhere else and the swingers coukd just swing in the park in peace.

The OPs sense of acceptance is internal, but it's influenced by external factors. Like prejudiced people and fatshaming culture in society.

The reality is like that, but it's also not at the same time. There are more than enough open minded people who will, or do find him attractive and who he also finds attractive. Time will prove it, once he begins to see it for himself, by owning his perceived and actual flaws. This will bring back his confidence e.g.

OWNING YOUR PERCIEVED FLAWS

"Could you do this for me mate?"

"No mate, I can't, I'm too shit at it, but I can do this for you instead"

"Can you?"

"Fucking right I can"

"Sweet!"

NOT OWNING YOUR PERCIEVED FLAWS

"Could you do this for me mate?"

"I'll smash it"

"Great"

(shit shit shit what have I done! I dunno how to do that, I'll bodge it, he'll never know)

"You dick! You broke it!"

Which kind of self confidence do you prefer? Which kind of person do you want to be? Crude but effective example of how a change in accepting yourself, makes you into a more attractive proposition for your preferred target audience.

The point is.. There's nothing wrong with the OP, he just needs time to see it for himself. Not settle for the BDSM scene just to get laid. He & those kinky fuckers deserve better than that. Are worth more. You all are.

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By *m3232Man over a year ago

maidenhead

I dont have any body issues and you shouldn’t either. IMO you are what you are and you can’t change that. Everyone is attractive to someone and there are a lot of people on this planet.

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

we all have to have a certain amount of confidence to be on here and i did ,but now even though ive had great meets ,after looking at other profiles there are some gorgeous people on here couples as well and now i feel at 55 with wobbly bits etc i might let the side down ,hubby has a belly but men in couples seem to get away with that ,i dread getting to a bedroom meet and seeing the disappointment in the other guys eyes

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By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

"we all have to have a certain amount of confidence to be on here and i did ,but now even though ive had great meets ,after looking at other profiles there are some gorgeous people on here couples as well and now i feel at 55 with wobbly bits etc i might let the side down ,hubby has a belly but men in couples seem to get away with that ,i dread getting to a bedroom meet and seeing the disappointment in the other guys eyes

Such a shame to drag up a post from 29 weeks ago. The OP may be feeling great now. Others might also have moved on. Why didn't you start a new thread ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Loads of us like a chunkier guy!

You're never gonna be attractive to everyone, stick to those who do think you're sexy and you'll have a blast!

As soon as you stop worrying about it, it stops being an issue.

Enjoy yourselves, don't worry about anyone else!

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By *anni and RicCouple over a year ago

York

I'm glad to see this thread and have taken a lot from it to help with my own body confidence. As others said it is refreshing to see the nice side of fab.

Ric x

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By *etro1940sCouple over a year ago

Kingston upon Thames

"I'm glad to see this thread and have taken a lot from it to help with my own body confidence. As others said it is refreshing to see the nice side of fab.

Ric x"
we agree wholeheartedly, it is one for pyschology, kindness to self, good health and social change ... I still am amazed my husband (George) loves me the curvy way I am not the thinner me of long ago when we met ... we must all find the contentment that is sustainable (says woman who does not drink wine just cocks) xx to all contributing to this thread

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