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How do I save my sexless relationship
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice? |
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
The only people who can solve this problem are the two of you. If you're talking but slipping back into your old ways one or both of you aren't really committed to change. |
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
You say everything is great then follow up with a sentence that starts "the problem is". So everything isn't great.
Talk, talk and then talk some more, then both commit to whatever changes you agree on.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years? got to agree with that
Another vote here"
Time to move on I think |
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Thats the answer. Get a divorce lol. Maybe she has reasons for not wanting to have sex. Depression, stress, anxiety, lack of self confidence. Could be many reasons. Talk to her and be totally honest about how you feel and that you have even thought about cheating(Im guessing that's why you are here?) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
Have you got children (together)? Ages? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?
Have you got children (together)? Ages? "
No children |
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What type on contraception is she using?
Does she get stressed easily? Does she have a demanding job?
For me personally, my hormones and stress levels play a massive part in our sex life.
Women like to have attention without the worry that it’s always going to lead to sex .
A kiss, cuddle, nice massage etc goes a long way |
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7 years is deemed the itchy feet mark in most relationships.
You both know each other pretty intimately but it's about now you are both thinking about the future and other things... Its generally around this point sex is stale in a vanilla relationship because it's never mixed up.
Talk, communicate, discuss if its worth working through it all. You both have a sense of what you want, like, desire so why not start exploring things together?
But it all circles back to communicating to each other.
Make things more interesting, more spontaneous. Stop being dutiful bloke and be spontaneous boyfriend! Buy flowers, do things to take her breath away, stop being predictable because trust me she knows your moves by now so mix it up.
If you want it to work out some effort in to it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"7 years is deemed the itchy feet mark in most relationships.
You both know each other pretty intimately but it's about now you are both thinking about the future and other things... Its generally around this point sex is stale in a vanilla relationship because it's never mixed up.
Talk, communicate, discuss if its worth working through it all. You both have a sense of what you want, like, desire so why not start exploring things together?
But it all circles back to communicating to each other.
Make things more interesting, more spontaneous. Stop being dutiful bloke and be spontaneous boyfriend! Buy flowers, do things to take her breath away, stop being predictable because trust me she knows your moves by now so mix it up.
If you want it to work out some effort in to it. "
Best advice so far. Thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get some date nights or days out on. Maybe make her feel special and above all talk openly or even get some professional help. Being on fab may deal with your urge but won't fix a part of you relationship that is not working. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years?
This  "
Also this.
'She tries to improve' is that because she feels guilty?
Think about how she would feel if she found out you were on fab. If you can live with her reaction then carry on, if not then maybe you shouldn't be here.
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
As harsh as it seems she might actually want sex but not how it's been offered at the moment.
Talk to her about her interests and desires, make her feel special, loved, cared for and sexy, as long as those are all things that you feel for her.
Do kind and thoughtful little things for her, like cooking her a nice meal, being affectionate, telling her she looks nice when you feel she does, and don't expect anything in return apart from a thank you.
It may make her want to have sex with you rather than her feel there is any pressure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"7 years is deemed the itchy feet mark in most relationships.
You both know each other pretty intimately but it's about now you are both thinking about the future and other things... Its generally around this point sex is stale in a vanilla relationship because it's never mixed up.
Talk, communicate, discuss if its worth working through it all. You both have a sense of what you want, like, desire so why not start exploring things together?
But it all circles back to communicating to each other.
Make things more interesting, more spontaneous. Stop being dutiful bloke and be spontaneous boyfriend! Buy flowers, do things to take her breath away, stop being predictable because trust me she knows your moves by now so mix it up.
If you want it to work out some effort in to it. "
Exactly... can’t believe the amount of “get out of there comments”
How sad no one wants to fix things anymore such a throwaway society that we throw people away now...
“We’ve come to love things and use people” - Anon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get some date nights or days out on. Maybe make her feel special and above all talk openly or even get some professional help. Being on fab may deal with your urge but won't fix a part of you relationship that is not working."
I absolutely agree with this.
I think men often make the mistake of assuming that turning a woman on begins in bed. In reality though, if you’re a couple and you both work hard, it could be so much before you get to the bedroom!
Do chores, not just your share but beyond. Talk, properly! Not just about trivial things but about feelings. Reminisce, because recalling good memories mean a hit of instant dopamine!
Take her out. Make her feel special.
Then repeat until the sparknis back!
I know it reads like a lot of legwork and it is, but it’s also the surest way to make her “feel it” again!
Also, get professional help if all fails! Because 7 years must worth it, rather than just tossing them aside without trying...
Hope it’ll all work out for you! |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"As harsh as it seems she might actually want sex but not how it's been offered at the moment.
Talk to her about her interests and desires, make her feel special, loved, cared for and sexy, as long as those are all things that you feel for her.
Do kind and thoughtful little things for her, like cooking her a nice meal, being affectionate, telling her she looks nice when you feel she does, and don't expect anything in return apart from a thank you.
It may make her want to have sex with you rather than her feel there is any pressure. "
I have to agree with this. Some married guys become rather entitled over time. 'You're my wife you owe me sex' but if the hubby is making no effort why would you want to.
Maybe she's just gone off you a bit. |
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years? "
Jesus that's really harsh, so sex is the be all and end all in a relationship no matter how long you've been with someone and love them? I agree you need sex for a healthy relationship but he first has to try at give her a chance to make an effort.
Op first all you need to talk to her communication is everything in a relationship and if you haven't told her how you feel she's not ever going to know or be able to work on this with you. Secondly if she doesn't know you're on here I'd atleast hide you profile until you've talked to her and tried to work things out, I'd say delete it personally to avoid temptation but it's up to you.
Also maybe an idea, have you tried buying her some sexy underwear or outfits? Introducing sex toys too are a really good idea. Maybe if you even got her, her own vibrator she could use on her own that might get things going? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Consider the two of you having some sessions with a Sex Therapist. It will facilitate an open discussion in a neutral environment. Go with an open mind as you might be the problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the end if you really love her then maybe try some marriage guidance. It can help to talk things through with a professional and get all concerns out in the open. Sex isn’t the be all and end all in a relationship but if a couple isn’t being intimate then your relationship obviously has issues. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean the relationship will work. |
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years?
Jesus that's really harsh, so sex is the be all and end all in a relationship no matter how long you've been with someone and love them? I agree you need sex for a healthy relationship but he first has to try at give her a chance to make an effort.
Op first all you need to talk to her communication is everything in a relationship and if you haven't told her how you feel she's not ever going to know or be able to work on this with you. Secondly if she doesn't know you're on here I'd atleast hide you profile until you've talked to her and tried to work things out, I'd say delete it personally to avoid temptation but it's up to you.
Also maybe an idea, have you tried buying her some sexy underwear or outfits? Introducing sex toys too are a really good idea. Maybe if you even got her, her own vibrator she could use on her own that might get things going? "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years?
Jesus that's really harsh, so sex is the be all and end all in a relationship no matter how long you've been with someone and love them? I agree you need sex for a healthy relationship but he first has to try at give her a chance to make an effort.
Op first all you need to talk to her communication is everything in a relationship and if you haven't told her how you feel she's not ever going to know or be able to work on this with you. Secondly if she doesn't know you're on here I'd atleast hide you profile until you've talked to her and tried to work things out, I'd say delete it personally to avoid temptation but it's up to you.
Also maybe an idea, have you tried buying her some sexy underwear or outfits? Introducing sex toys too are a really good idea. Maybe if you even got her, her own vibrator she could use on her own that might get things going? "
Thanks for the advice. Have talked about it and she's aware how I feel. She jokes about a mistress but I know it's not what she wants really and I wouldn’t want to anyway. I've made more effort on my appearence and we've talked about sex but she's aware I know it doesn't always have to lead to anything. Tried finding out her fantasies but she's not really got any. Introduced toys, outfit etc and it works for maybe a week but it doesn't last.
Everything else in the relationship is awesome. We've talk all the time, take her out a lot, comment about her personality and good looks all the time, spend healthy amount of time with our friends and not just each other. Tbh I think she puts so much effort into her work and everything else she's just too tired for sex and doesn't see it as an important thing. |
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years?
Jesus that's really harsh, so sex is the be all and end all in a relationship no matter how long you've been with someone and love them? I agree you need sex for a healthy relationship but he first has to try at give her a chance to make an effort.
Op first all you need to talk to her communication is everything in a relationship and if you haven't told her how you feel she's not ever going to know or be able to work on this with you. Secondly if she doesn't know you're on here I'd atleast hide you profile until you've talked to her and tried to work things out, I'd say delete it personally to avoid temptation but it's up to you.
Also maybe an idea, have you tried buying her some sexy underwear or outfits? Introducing sex toys too are a really good idea. Maybe if you even got her, her own vibrator she could use on her own that might get things going?
Thanks for the advice. Have talked about it and she's aware how I feel. She jokes about a mistress but I know it's not what she wants really and I wouldn’t want to anyway. I've made more effort on my appearence and we've talked about sex but she's aware I know it doesn't always have to lead to anything. Tried finding out her fantasies but she's not really got any. Introduced toys, outfit etc and it works for maybe a week but it doesn't last.
Everything else in the relationship is awesome. We've talk all the time, take her out a lot, comment about her personality and good looks all the time, spend healthy amount of time with our friends and not just each other. Tbh I think she puts so much effort into her work and everything else she's just too tired for sex and doesn't see it as an important thing."
Ok you should of listed all this at the start, so I guess this is the only resort left is that you sit her down and say if our sex life doesn't improve you are struggling to hold on the the relationship. Write it down on paper if you have to, don't text it or anything.
Just tell her you love her and it's not all about sex because every aspect of the relationship is great but you want to have sex with her because you love her and she is your partner but it's important to you.
I think its only fair, maybe she doesn't actually understand if she jokes about it? Maybe she just isn't interested but if you have made all that effort and told her I do think it's unfair on you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does she feel sexy?
Me and the hubby are always play fighting and generally messing around and it's always fun and exciting.
He makes me feel sexy and I always want to jump his bones.
We have been together 12 years and have two children.
Maybe have more fun out of the bedroom and get your connection back (whatever attracted you two!) And I'm sure the bedroom fun will follow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe she finds you dull in bed, maybe its your fault you don't excite her, maybe she needs to get rid of you. Maybe she has an idea you are straying to places like fab
Seek marriage guidance is my advice or end it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like she is bored, long term relationships can be boring. Try making her feel sexy and cared for. "
Spot on! My ex made me feel lousy, unappreciated, ugly and unloved.
He lost me..
If you don’t want to loose her then make sure it doesn’t happen.
Works both ways though. But sounds like she needs reminding of the early days and I’m sure you’ll both benefit from that anyway. Romance, spontaneity and adventure is welcomed by both sexes
G x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
Romantic holidays
Sexy lingerie
Porn
Sensual foreplay
Some quickies at odd times
Bjs
Showers together may be hot tubs with wine and music
Gift her Spa holidays
Some sensuous massage therapy
There are loads |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?
Romantic holidays
Sexy lingerie
Porn
Sensual foreplay
Some quickies at odd times
Bjs
Showers together may be hot tubs with wine and music
Gift her Spa holidays
Some sensuous massage therapy
There are loads "
|
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First off, hold off on kids cos you guys seem to be in different places in the relationship.
I'd say go to clubs (nightclubs, not sex clubs!), set up a date night every week and go somewhere when she has an excuse to get dressed up.
Watch some female friendly porn together, and have sex while it's playing. Experiment with things you wouldn't usually do, be more forward without forcing, make her feel wanted and sexy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You both need to look at how things are in the bedroom department, I was in the same position not so long ago, bored with the same sex, same position same place, it was just same I just didn't want to do it anymore, it was boring and it was a chore, I think I just stopped having a sex life, so we both spoke and spoke and then we started to change how we done things tried different positions and different places, and we've managed to get that spark back and more, gl it can take a while but if you both know you love each other then things will work out x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pamper her show her you adore her and her body
Massage her with oils but don't try to have sex unless she chooses to
Make her feel sexy don't verbally compliment her much but use your actions show her what you feel for her
I'd say for most women when a women doesn't feel sexy she doesn't feel like sex.
Buy her sexy gifts, buy books on sex like full kama sutra. It's not just about sexual positions it's about relationships and bonds
Tell her what she means to you, spoil her with love and sexual desire
The more sexier she feels then start sending her naughty texts and follow up on them.
Like how you'd love to touch her
Make it all about her. I'd say she's possibly feeling undesired
You're too busy making effort on here to get a fuck when you should make more effort making love to your missus
When you've repaired your relationship and you need more maintain the effort with your missus and then come back to fab.
Personally I'd also be completely honest about your needs, lies destroy relationships |
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By *coxy69Man
over a year ago
Stone |
Oh please, I read your comments with interest but having been in a sexless (not loveless ) marriage for over 20 years I can tell you that by now you have got what you are going to get!
She will not change, if she’s not interested in having sex with the man she loves there is very little chance that she’ll want to explore anything that goes on here at Fab.
And whilst flowers and date nights are good, and I think you should do that sort of thing it WILL NOT CHANGE HER.
There are lots of people that give TEDx talks of the sexless marriage.
If a relationship has 10 items to make it perfect, My wife fulfills my relationship requirements 9 out of 10, but she doesn’t what sex and I do.
So my advice is this...
Get a fuck buddy, problem solved
You can thank me later |
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"Pamper her show her you adore her and her body
Massage her with oils but don't try to have sex unless she chooses to
Make her feel sexy don't verbally compliment her much but use your actions show her what you feel for her
I'd say for most women when a women doesn't feel sexy she doesn't feel like sex.
Buy her sexy gifts, buy books on sex like full kama sutra. It's not just about sexual positions it's about relationships and bonds
Tell her what she means to you, spoil her with love and sexual desire
The more sexier she feels then start sending her naughty texts and follow up on them.
Like how you'd love to touch her
Make it all about her. I'd say she's possibly feeling undesired
You're too busy making effort on here to get a fuck when you should make more effort making love to your missus
When you've repaired your relationship and you need more maintain the effort with your missus and then come back to fab.
Personally I'd also be completely honest about your needs, lies destroy relationships"
But what about him? Who's going to make him feel sexy and desired? Who's going to make the effort with him?
I think your advice is spot on except I believe it needs to go both ways. A good sex life is achieved by mutual effort not by one person putting all the work in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pamper her show her you adore her and her body
Massage her with oils but don't try to have sex unless she chooses to
Make her feel sexy don't verbally compliment her much but use your actions show her what you feel for her
I'd say for most women when a women doesn't feel sexy she doesn't feel like sex.
Buy her sexy gifts, buy books on sex like full kama sutra. It's not just about sexual positions it's about relationships and bonds
Tell her what she means to you, spoil her with love and sexual desire
The more sexier she feels then start sending her naughty texts and follow up on them.
Like how you'd love to touch her
Make it all about her. I'd say she's possibly feeling undesired
You're too busy making effort on here to get a fuck when you should make more effort making love to your missus
When you've repaired your relationship and you need more maintain the effort with your missus and then come back to fab.
Personally I'd also be completely honest about your needs, lies destroy relationships
But what about him? Who's going to make him feel sexy and desired? Who's going to make the effort with him?
I think your advice is spot on except I believe it needs to go both ways. A good sex life is achieved by mutual effort not by one person putting all the work in."
She's the one not feeling sexual. Got to light her fire and it will improve and no doubt she will reciprocate when it has improved
He has been meeting it's not like he isn't feeling sexual.
She shouldn't feel like sex is a chore. She will resent it. I'd bet her once a month she hasn't led it.
She needs to feel truly wanted. Once her sexual passion is back it would hopefully be mutual.
Otherwise he needs to have a serious discussion about being poly or meeting people for sex with her knowledge
Also allow her to meet a man who also is sexually compatible for her.
Love is supporting each other caring about each others needs and accepting them for who they are.
If she cannot accept he has needs and she has her needs then relationship isn't worth it.
What I will say is don't push her to have sex. Coercion to have sex is a sexual crime. Saying yes even though she doesn't want to isnt the same as saying yes because she wants to
Reignite her sexual passion and no expectations
Make sure you don't make her feel likes it's a chore.
Like the "aww darling couldn't you just suck it? It won't take long... aww I'm horny and you never want it"
Don't guilt her don't coerce her don't treat her like an object.
Like I said spoil her and make her feel wanted. Keep sex out of it don't ask for it or demand. Reignite the passion FIRST |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My advice, talk to her and not on here, no relationship is the same and while a general outline on rules may apply, the dynamics is always different in reality. No one can say why she isn't jumping your bones only YOU can find this out by speaking to her.
Trim (male) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’re 29, sexless and on a swingers site (without her knowledge) and two verifications. Can’t offer any advice and making things fun with your wife, but can suggest deleting your profile and chatting to her about what you both want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thats the answer. Get a divorce lol. Maybe she has reasons for not wanting to have sex. Depression, stress, anxiety, lack of self confidence. Could be many reasons. Talk to her and be totally honest about how you feel and that you have even thought about cheating(Im guessing that's why you are here?) "
I think this is better than chuck her advice! Go to counselling would be my advice ... log off here and concentrate on your relationship, people generally have an idea when all is not well and the other is cheating.
Best of luck and I know we live in a cheap throw away society but sometimes work put in reaps rewards  |
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
I was in a relationship like this for years in my 20s and early 30s - we loved one another but it was like brother and sister . We tried Relate etc, but we just didn’t feel that way about one another.
I ended up meeting a woman at work with a high sex drive.., realised that sex is so much more than just the act!
Split up from original gf and have been happier since.
The question for you is, do you still feel a sexual connection with her? It’s hard to rekindle and at your age you should be having loads of fulfilling sex.
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry but everything isn't alright, is it? If it was, you wouldn't be on here!
Have you ever considered that it may not be alright for her either? Maybe she wants a partner. Someone who is there for her. Not some bloke who spends his time on a swingers site trying to meet other women and comments about her not wanting sex. There are plenty of married couples who rarely have sex .... sorry MAKE LOVE ... yet still have loving relationships. Maybe that's what's missing - she wants a man who makes love with her. Not someone who wants sex. Show her you value her. Talk WITH her about what is wrong and how to fix it. Share things. If it doesn't work, then move on. |
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Women get bored too ...
Try a different approach ... do something different ..... arrange date nights .... a weekend break ... spa day ... have fun...
It doesn't always have to lead to sex ... the more you pester the further away you will push her .....
Make her feel special .... |
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By *idddleWoman
over a year ago
southampton |
"Tbh I think she puts so much effort into her work and everything else she's just too tired for sex and doesn't see it as an important thing."
This ... I see this so so often in nilla friends. Not saying you don’t pull your weight, but many man don’t, or don’t see all the jobs that need doing... try not asking or pushing for sex at all but freeing up enough of her time that she wants sex.. if you can’t see what needs doing when you get home from work ask what needs doing, do stuff together to make t more fun, a chore or problem solved is a problem halved.
If she’s too stressed help her relax, send her for a nice bath while you do something.
The key to most womens sex drive is their heart (us on here partial exceptions to that) just like the key to most men’s heart is sex
Couple of vids maybe worth a look at, there’s another one done by a crazy vicar that is quite good, can’t find email I sent to to friend in tho, will repost if I do
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFPajbFhSOc
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_-5Pmry8rVk
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
I hope you don't think I am being horrible because I am not.
Sex is great. Whether you believe in the God theory or evloution theory sex wsa designed to be very pleasurable so we would do it often and create more humans.
The way I look at it is if your mrs doesn't want sex there has to be a reason fot that.
Maybe she has secret fantasies she is too afraid to tell you? For example, maybe she wants to be a sub and punished.
Masybe you are not pleasuring her right in bed and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings?
The only way you can find out what is wrong is to ask her. Ask her if you satisfy in her bed. Ask her if she wants to do things differently in bed. Ask her if she has fantasies. Etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm guessing that there must have been sex at the beginning? I suppose the question is do you love her and prepared to be with her come what may?
For example, if you both had regular good sex but she had an accident which meant she could no longer have sex what would you do? Stand by her and forego sex or dump her? I guess the answer would tell you how much you really love her?
If the answer is the former then get off Fab and start working in the issue together with no conditions. If the latter, you may be in the wrong relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is that why you are on fab.
Because of the lack of Sex.
You are only 29. I don't know the whole story. But communication is the key. If you cannot speak with her who you say you love dearly.
Like seriously what are you doing for her outside of the bedroom.
Sex is 10% of a good relationship and 99% of a bad relationship.
It's not great if all it is just between the sheets but can't hold substance outside of the bedroom.
Maybe start dating each other again. Do you have kids. Maybe she is depressed. Come of the site altogether and concerate on you two. And remind yourself why ye are together in the first place.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like the cindy louper song.
Some guys find a girl and hide her away from the rest of the world.
A couple shine when they both feel heard,Desired.
If you are constantly pressing her for sex or blowjob or to try new things,bang she will shut done.
Do you actually ask her what she wants and likes in the bedroom.
Plus as afew here say hormones play a huge part in the female libido. Plus men forget the female brain is her biggest sex organ so mental stimulation is just as good as physical,and it's not by been a smart ass, it's simply by making Us feel connected in others way apart from sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years? got to agree with that
Another vote here
and here"
Unless you have kids fuck her off |
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I've only read the opening post from the op but am left wondering if the only thing that happened in their talking about sex was a largely one sided talk - his. It seems a complaint that she should adapt to suit him. Nothing of her needs were covered in the post.
Op seems to suggest she wants vanilla and he doesn't. Assuming quality and quantity were resolved, would you be satisfied op? I'm really guessing not.
It's your relationship op and you can only resolve it by communication - one outcome may be that you are not compatible. Communication and honesty can reveal what you both really need and from negotiation, what compromises might work. But I sense there is a long way to go, before you might start to understand her perspective, whatever that is. With anyone who is distant sexually, there is huge importance upon not pressuring them or being perceived as pressuring them, where a likely outcome is for them to withdraw even further.
You did not mention the extent to which you can be trusted and also whether the amount of trust that she has invested in you is fully deserved and without any doubts warranted. If you are giving her 100% of yourself and leave absolutely no room or cause for hesitation on her part, then you can truthfully tell her that you are giving her and this aspect of your relationship 100% and that you are there for her. It's up to you to be completely honest and communicate fully with her. She deserves everything that's nothing less than the best.
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By *ldaCouple
over a year ago
sutton Coldfield |
Maybe she doesn't like sex
Maybe she doesn't like sex with you
Maybe she's after more commitment
Maybe she has issues in her past
Either way, asking for advice on a swingers site is not exactly the best way forward. In fact, being on a swingers site is not the best way forward |
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By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago
A Galaxy far far away |
I don't have anything to add over and above what's been offered.
I don't suggest you "sack it off" as some have suggested. Relationships take work, both of you need to put some in. You only get out, what you put in.
Good luck |
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I’m glad you don’t have kids yet .Make sure you sort this out first, because if you fit the norm , there will be several years of less sex after.
Someone suggested a sex therapist, that’s actually a really good idea . It may turn out you just aren’t sexually compatible. You mention it’s usually vanilla sex , and I take it you’re kinky or want something a little wilder. I’m running into an awful lot of men , late 30’s -50’s in sexless relationships. They’ve always been kinky or more open minded than the women they married, but never had the discussion. Now they’re out cheating to get what they aren’t getting at home. Most will likely destroy their relationships when it comes out . Women always know on some level. The older men have so much resentment at what they feel they’ve missed. Sadly for some of the older guys who finally left their relationships, they can’t physically manage what they so badly wanted to do .
I think we can love someone and have a great relationship, but if the sex part isn’t compatible too, it’s likely better to be honest with each other , and find partners that better suit us.
That being said, men can be dumb asses . The women love their mans thick hair, but he brush cuts it , doesn’t shave or keep himself clean. Gets lazy about foreplay for her etc Also, fear of pregnancy is a huge libido killer.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're really serious about making a go of it I would suggest counselling - but both of you will need to be equally keen. Otherwise go your separate ways (which might be the conclusion you come to through counselling in any case) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hormones play a huge part in the life of a woman. Whatever young or old. And men don't see it that way and think we'll if she is not fucking me 24/7 than its doomed.and then join these sites saying wife/gf won't get me doesnt fill my needs etc etc.
She is already in termoil as she is aware that she not jumping the bones of you.and more than likely she is aware that you are on this site and something else is up,but is hoping that it's not true and for you to come clean
As much as I loved my ex and yes I bought sexy under wear did massage. If I wasn't in the humour it just wasn't worth the order of just going through the emotions of preying is it over yet. I found out,why I was depressed and working hard and running a house minding two kids. Plus finding out that he was playing else were literally just the knife in my back as I felt totally useless it kick my confidence to the floor. So we tired going on this it help for a little bit got the excitement back with each other and lifted my libido for awhile but then it became just that he wanted it more I was happy with just him and the odd meet. But it was no use. So even turning into a porn star for your other half doesn't always make it work out. We were talking just not about the real stuff and mostly wE were not listening to each other.
Why I am back here. Simply due to this happening again so not having to constantly worry about been enough for a partner been made feel like I have to be the one to entertain them and them me,not worrying about them cheating lying. But it is easier said than done and you have to keep reminding your self that it is just sex and nothing more. Ye cnt win when you are in a relationship you miss the single life,when you are single you want to be ina relationship. Like the whole concept of marriage,relationships is just mind boggling. As oh now your married kiss your sex life good bye,saying things like the ball and chain. Turning into a nag .moaning about your wife,your husband. Seriously I hate been human.we are fucked up people at times.saying one thing and doing the other. |
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"Firstly I love my other half. We've been together for 7 years and everything is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone but we love each other very much. The problem in our relationship is a lack of sex. It's hard as I'm naturally a very sexual person who's interested in experimenting and variety. However she rarely wants sex and 9 times out of 10 when we do have it it's a bit vanilla. We can also go very long times without having sex, sometimes over a month. I've talked to her about it and she tries to improve but we just slip into old habbits. Can anyone help or offer advice?"
Hard one to work out we had great times and long nights of fun so things would go flat and the first time we a fill year with only one meet we ended up separated and looking elsewhere and final separation we had one meet in 10 months and as it went the ex could look past the social aspect etc but for me even meets on here we could have say 4/5 over the weekends and just no good then out the blue wow and it gives you hope
Take experience from here introduce role play and date night , you cook and she Soaks in bath and for desert role play with chat snd fantasy thoughts etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've since talked and ended the relationship. Thanks for all of your advice "
Really, or is it the fact that you wrote this without thinking about you having a single profile and in a away being caught out and now trying to save face |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also. You are 29. If she's not putting out fuck her off.
Do you want that for another 50 years? wtf is wrong with u woooooow "
On a side note...you cock looks like it'll do damage. Wow! Get here now and let me suck it!!! |
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"If you truly love her and she loves you fight for the relationship and put the phone down and talk to her "
How do you know when the good fight is over? Sometimes you got to know when to walk away and after 7 years, well!
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"Have you not thought she might also have single profile on here that you don't know about and she is having great sex all week so doesn't need it from you that often...... Just a thought OP "
Like that...and I hope so for her sake. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Key to any relationship is communication...
Be honest and talk to her instead of us on fab?
Might hurt her and she may get angry or upset but best to be honest with her and let her flip her shit and then think about it get over it and move on together as one
Coming on fab will just make the void bigger! The grass isnt always greener!
And if its well and truly over and the sparks gone and theres no way back leave and find what you really want as lifes to short to be miserable!
I would hope that if matt was ever unhappy about anything between us (including our sex lifes) he would come to me and tell me, talk to me before going to cheat! I always say i dont care if you murder someone as long as you are honest and tell me so we can deal with it together because were a team.
And so far this for us works! If hes not putting out or im not im quick to tell him And vise versa!
U may have already lost her though because uve already gone behind her back..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Key to any relationship is communication...
Be honest and talk to her instead of us on fab?
Might hurt her and she may get angry or upset but best to be honest with her and let her flip her shit and then think about it get over it and move on together as one
Coming on fab will just make the void bigger! The grass isnt always greener!
And if its well and truly over and the sparks gone and theres no way back leave and find what you really want as lifes to short to be miserable!
I would hope that if matt was ever unhappy about anything between us (including our sex lifes) he would come to me and tell me, talk to me before going to cheat! I always say i dont care if you murder someone as long as you are honest and tell me so we can deal with it together because were a team.
And so far this for us works! If hes not putting out or im not im quick to tell him And vise versa!
U may have already lost her though because uve already gone behind her back.. "
this all day long. Well said and so true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A month is no time. when you hit several months then you have a problem.
Log off here, put the phone away and interact with her.
Amen to this as well "
This
As a menopausal woman who rarely wants sex I’m amazed at some of the comments like divorce her! There might be a perfectly good reason why she doesn’t want sex. Did my husband go off? No, he stayed by me and we talked and even said as we were swingers to meet others with my consent, you know what he didn’t as he was bothered about me and my health and feelings.
Half of you on here haven’t a clue, have you?
OP, get off fab stop camming and talk to your wife, not strangers on fab, as if you took 1/2 the advise these idiots gave you you’d be heading for divorce. |
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"A month is no time. when you hit several months then you have a problem.
Log off here, put the phone away and interact with her.
Amen to this as well
This
As a menopausal woman who rarely wants sex I’m amazed at some of the comments like divorce her! There might be a perfectly good reason why she doesn’t want sex. Did my husband go off? No, he stayed by me and we talked and even said as we were swingers to meet others with my consent, you know what he didn’t as he was bothered about me and my health and feelings.
Half of you on here haven’t a clue, have you?
OP, get off fab stop camming and talk to your wife, not strangers on fab, as if you took 1/2 the advise these idiots gave you you’d be heading for divorce. "
They've talked and broken up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A month is no time. when you hit several months then you have a problem.
Log off here, put the phone away and interact with her.
Amen to this as well
This
As a menopausal woman who rarely wants sex I’m amazed at some of the comments like divorce her! There might be a perfectly good reason why she doesn’t want sex. Did my husband go off? No, he stayed by me and we talked and even said as we were swingers to meet others with my consent, you know what he didn’t as he was bothered about me and my health and feelings.
Half of you on here haven’t a clue, have you?
OP, get off fab stop camming and talk to your wife, not strangers on fab, as if you took 1/2 the advise these idiots gave you you’d be heading for divorce.
They've talked and broken up."
That will teach me to read the whole thread and not skim it. Must try harder |
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"A month is no time. when you hit several months then you have a problem.
Log off here, put the phone away and interact with her.
Amen to this as well
This
As a menopausal woman who rarely wants sex I’m amazed at some of the comments like divorce her! There might be a perfectly good reason why she doesn’t want sex. Did my husband go off? No, he stayed by me and we talked and even said as we were swingers to meet others with my consent, you know what he didn’t as he was bothered about me and my health and feelings.
Half of you on here haven’t a clue, have you?
OP, get off fab stop camming and talk to your wife, not strangers on fab, as if you took 1/2 the advise these idiots gave you you’d be heading for divorce.
They've talked and broken up.
That will teach me to read the whole thread and not skim it. Must try harder "
 . I do it too.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a communication thing between you.. if you can't do that fully and honestly then you have little chance.
I wish you and your partner the very best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, no offence mate but you've both agreed to end the relationship...that's sad to hear and wishing you all the best. However, I find it hard to understand that you can still make time for this site. I know if it was me (or many others on and off fab) they would be really cut up about ending a marriage/relationship. I kind of think you may need to sort your priorities out pal. |
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"OP, no offence mate but you've both agreed to end the relationship...that's sad to hear and wishing you all the best. However, I find it hard to understand that you can still make time for this site. I know if it was me (or many others on and off fab) they would be really cut up about ending a marriage/relationship. I kind of think you may need to sort your priorities out pal. "
But that's the point, he has. At this point in his life his priority is swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, no offence mate but you've both agreed to end the relationship...that's sad to hear and wishing you all the best. However, I find it hard to understand that you can still make time for this site. I know if it was me (or many others on and off fab) they would be really cut up about ending a marriage/relationship. I kind of think you may need to sort your priorities out pal.
But that's the point, he has. At this point in his life his priority is swinging. "
They're right. Just need to experience things sexually that I've not been able to try before and get it out of my system I think |
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"OP, no offence mate but you've both agreed to end the relationship...that's sad to hear and wishing you all the best. However, I find it hard to understand that you can still make time for this site. I know if it was me (or many others on and off fab) they would be really cut up about ending a marriage/relationship. I kind of think you may need to sort your priorities out pal.
But that's the point, he has. At this point in his life his priority is swinging.
They're right. Just need to experience things sexually that I've not been able to try before and get it out of my system I think "
Good for you mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe try going back to getting her to experiment and make a plan of what you both want to try next.
Ask her about if she has any fantasies she wants to live out.
If so look at planing it/them out.
Convince her to join you on here to make a couples profile.
Maybe try and communicate in sex if you don’t already.
Hope this is helpful. |
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"OP, no offence mate but you've both agreed to end the relationship...that's sad to hear and wishing you all the best. However, I find it hard to understand that you can still make time for this site. I know if it was me (or many others on and off fab) they would be really cut up about ending a marriage/relationship. I kind of think you may need to sort your priorities out pal.
But that's the point, he has. At this point in his life his priority is swinging.
They're right. Just need to experience things sexually that I've not been able to try before and get it out of my system I think "
Don't look on it as getting it out of your system. If you read the forums long enough you will see any number of people who are in relationships that are sexually unsatisfying. A lot of the time this is because one or both partners have entered the relationship without properly establishing that they are similar in their attitude to sex. Use this experience to understand that you need to start your next relationship in a spirit of openess about your sexual requirements. You know now that an experimental partner is what you need,you don't need to "get this out of your system" there's nothing wrong with being experimental together. By the way that doesn't need to involve swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sexuality compatibility
I’m a big believer in some people fit us and others don’t. You can have a good sex life with one person, vanilla and rare with another and then mind-blowing filth with another. It’s not just the person but the match. No amount of therapy, date nights etc will change a basic chemical reaction with another. I don’t know how it works, but sometimes walking away is the only option if a sexless marriage isn’t for you. |
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"What type on contraception is she using?
Does she get stressed easily? Does she have a demanding job?
For me personally, my hormones and stress levels play a massive part in our sex life.
Women like to have attention without the worry that it’s always going to lead to sex .
A kiss, cuddle, nice massage etc goes a long way "
I totally agree with that - if you make each other feel loved, be open and talk to each other honestly. You both need to accept and acknowledge what each other feels - good points and bad.
And work at your marriage and then the affection, closeness and sex will follow.
If all that fails then it’s time to consider if there is something to save
Good Luck |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
You say you have talked to her and she tries to change and then you go back to old habits.
If that is the case then keep talking and keep doing the more adventurous stuff. You can't rely on her to take the lead all the time. |
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My wife has been ill for some years now and she doesn't want sex anymore so what should I do then I have needs to and I'm a very horny person that wants some attention from someone. I don't want to leave her I love her to bits and she loves me |
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"My wife has been ill for some years now and she doesn't want sex anymore so what should I do then I have needs to and I'm a very horny person that wants some attention from someone. I don't want to leave her I love her to bits and she loves me "
You should do the best you can in the circumstances. Its all any of us can do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife has been ill for some years now and she doesn't want sex anymore so what should I do then I have needs to and I'm a very horny person that wants some attention from someone. I don't want to leave her I love her to bits and she loves me "
Have you actually sat down and discuss this with her.
As you said that she is ill,and you both are in love.
Ye it might hurt her,but over time she will hopefully understand a little more. And ye can figure out what is best for you both. |
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