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Swinging virgins
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
We are completely new to this & want some advice. We are both really excited to finally be dipping our toes in the water but also more nervous than we have ever been! After long discussions we agree that visiting a club would be the best way for us to get a feel of the scene with no expectations & no pressure, a way to ease ourselves in slowly. Our nearest club is Xstasia in West Brom. We would love to visit (nerves & confidence allowing!) can anyone give us an idea of what to expect or advice on other clubs in the area that might be better for first timers? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go to Xtasia but don't go to play, it has a great dance floor so mingle and chat to others.
Small steps are best see if the swinging scene is for you.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chams in Darlaston is also a good club to try as first timers. It was one of our firsts, and long before we joined this site.
Getting yourself to a club early on is a good move and will give you a far better and realistic view of the swinging scene than a virtual one.
Hope you enjoy guys wherever you choose to go  |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
I would really recommend Atlantis in Stoke. It's a lovely friendly no pressure club. It's like a nightclub, where people dress up and there is no rules about getting undressed at a certain time or special areas.
Friday's and Saturdays are great evenings and they have a special newbie night each month,. Have a look at their reviews and website. |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
"Go to Xtasia but don't go to play, it has a great dance floor so mingle and chat to others.
Small steps are best see if the swinging scene is for you.
Good luck "
Thanks, that was our train of thought. First time rules would be look, get a feel of the atmosphere & see if it's somewhere we feel comfortable, no playing (with a side rule we can always regroup & change the rules slightly as long as we're both happy  ) Thanks for the advice. |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
"Chams in Darlaston is also a good club to try as first timers. It was one of our firsts, and long before we joined this site.
Getting yourself to a club early on is a good move and will give you a far better and realistic view of the swinging scene than a virtual one.
Hope you enjoy guys wherever you choose to go "
Thanks. We have talked long & hard about club vs meet scenarios & finally agreed that a club would probably be best for us because there would be no pressure to get involved & feeling like we'd led someone on or let anyone down. You make a good point about a "realistic" view rather than a "virtual" one, we will definitely take that on board. Watch this space! |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
"I would really recommend Atlantis in Stoke. It's a lovely friendly no pressure club. It's like a nightclub, where people dress up and there is no rules about getting undressed at a certain time or special areas.
Friday's and Saturdays are great evenings and they have a special newbie night each month,. Have a look at their reviews and website. "
Thanks, we'll check that out. Really wouldn't be comfortable having to get undressed so that's good to know, one step at a time eh? |
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I can't advise on local clubs, although Chams has a fantastic reputation (I'm not saying the others are bad).
Ask for a tour and a quick run down of the rules by the staff (websites often also have FAQs, check especially dress code). Read around the forum, other threads, although these discussions do tend to err towards less common behaviour particularly when complaints are involved.
Stay sober. I think d*unk in clubs is a bad idea regardless, but on your first visit in particular you want to have your wits about you. They're great places and usually extremely safe, but there's often one or two.
Some clubs if you mention that you're new, might help facilitate social introductions.
It's weird. It's weird for everyone at first. We've all been there. It's OK.
Have fun. It'll be an experience no matter what. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Xstatia is a great club and very friendly. Hotel next door or you can stay in one of their rooms as they have converted some of their club into a hotel as such.
I really liked it and so did trim when he went. We had both gone on different nights as sometimes we go to clubs with friends from the scene. I'd like to go there with him. One day lol
I agree that going to a club is better than a private meet. Firstly what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and secondly there isn't any pressure to do anything where as private meets we have felt that pressure which we don't like. We prefer the natural flow of a conversation that leads to play or not rather than feeling like you have too sleep with someone or face an awkward conversation if it doesn't flow.
Eski |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't advise on local clubs, although Chams has a fantastic reputation (I'm not saying the others are bad).
Ask for a tour and a quick run down of the rules by the staff (websites often also have FAQs, check especially dress code). Read around the forum, other threads, although these discussions do tend to err towards less common behaviour particularly when complaints are involved.
Stay sober. I think d*unk in clubs is a bad idea regardless, but on your first visit in particular you want to have your wits about you. They're great places and usually extremely safe, but there's often one or two.
Some clubs if you mention that you're new, might help facilitate social introductions.
It's weird. It's weird for everyone at first. We've all been there. It's OK.
Have fun. It'll be an experience no matter what. "
All this is great advice.
I remember our first club visit (a place called Utopia between Telford and Cannock)
We sat there like a pair of rabbits caught in headlights in the furthest corner! 
But there, and like most clubs, they have a bunch of lovely people who will chat to you and be helpful. |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
"I can't advise on local clubs, although Chams has a fantastic reputation (I'm not saying the others are bad).
Ask for a tour and a quick run down of the rules by the staff (websites often also have FAQs, check especially dress code). Read around the forum, other threads, although these discussions do tend to err towards less common behaviour particularly when complaints are involved.
Stay sober. I think d*unk in clubs is a bad idea regardless, but on your first visit in particular you want to have your wits about you. They're great places and usually extremely safe, but there's often one or two.
Some clubs if you mention that you're new, might help facilitate social introductions.
It's weird. It's weird for everyone at first. We've all been there. It's OK.
Have fun. It'll be an experience no matter what. "
Great advice, thankyou. Reassuring to hear someone say it's weird...  I think we need to remind ourselves that everyone had a first time & knows what it's like, sometimes that gets lost because we are thinking & talking about ourselves so much! We're not the first & certainly won't be the last! |
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I got used to it pretty quickly
Do consider bringing dress down gear if you're not required to. I found the learning curve isn't as bad as I expected it to be. You might want to go forward faster than you think (no pressure, just, keep your options open). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As newbies I would opt for Xtasia rather than chams. Partly because there is no dress down policy and because Paul the owner is always on hand to show you around and give advice. Chams is a great club but quite daunting for newbies
Give Xtasia a ring they are really helpful and may let you do a tour on a quieter night ahead of your full visit |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
Thankyou all for your replies & advice, it's much appreciated! Reassuring to hear that everyone felt like we do now & it's good to have some of the things we have already talked about & our preliminary plan of action reinforced by your comments so we at least know we are thinking along the right lines. Somehow it feels a little less scary reading all this & knowing (as we keep telling each other) that we're all just people who want to have a good night out & have fun. Not wanting to sound too mushy but you've all been very kind taking the time to reply & been very helpful. You're not all big scary monsters after all! |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
"As newbies I would opt for Xtasia rather than chams. Partly because there is no dress down policy and because Paul the owner is always on hand to show you around and give advice. Chams is a great club but quite daunting for newbies
Give Xtasia a ring they are really helpful and may let you do a tour on a quieter night ahead of your full visit "
Thankyou. Looking at the websites, reviews & forums that was our thinking. Well, mine, (Sarah) blokes in my experience leave the research & legwork down to the girls & want us to present them with an easy to understand condensed version! Or maybe Bert is just particularly lazy! |
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Like someone else said, Xtasia can be treated as a normal nightclub since the bar area tends to stay a fully dressed place. There’s no pressure to get naked which is the same as Atlantis. To be honest, there’s nothing scary to get partially naked anyway, it just feels normal. |
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By *sm81Couple
over a year ago
warwickshire |
Our first visit was liberty elite and we didn't play the first time, second time we did and haven't looked back, I would suggest if nervous never do a full swap as we swapped with a couple for the first time new years eve and although myself and hubby both enjoyed it, the girl got so upset and cried saying she couldn't handle it, so we have agreed to go with a couple who have had experience with swapping now as we both felt really bad for her x |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
"Like someone else said, Xtasia can be treated as a normal nightclub since the bar area tends to stay a fully dressed place. There’s no pressure to get naked which is the same as Atlantis. To be honest, there’s nothing scary to get partially naked anyway, it just feels normal. "
Thanks, that helps a lot. For us it's not getting naked per se it's the thought of being told we have to. After nearly 30 years of only being naked in front of each other it's a big thing! I think we'll be fine once we feel comfortable & the mood takes us. |
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By *bhbCouple
over a year ago
nottingham |
Really nice thread.
We are very nervous about a club, worried we wouldn’t fit in, be attractive enough, be recognised etc.
We have enjoyed being watched on cam, but not sure if we could play “live”.
Good advice, and clubs to research. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Really nice thread.
We are very nervous about a club, worried we wouldn’t fit in, be attractive enough, be recognised etc.
We have enjoyed being watched on cam, but not sure if we could play “live”.
Good advice, and clubs to research. "
Here is my advice
Some clubs (Cupid’s springs to mind) has a room porthole window do you can be watched if you want. It’s a private room so you can still stop people from joining in. There is never any expectation to play, and often there are couples playing openly so you can watch. This I have seen leads to couples going off to play by themselves alone.
My advice would be don’t drink to much, get used to playing with condoms, also research if your happy for single guys to be around. Most clubs offer a couples and single ladies only night which is often a good night to start on. Like others have said if you say to the club this is your first time etc your often helped a bit.
Good luck to all of you that are going to clubs for the first time. I still get nervous and I have been going for years
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"Really nice thread.
We are very nervous about a club, worried we wouldn’t fit in, be attractive enough, be recognised etc.
We have enjoyed being watched on cam, but not sure if we could play “live”.
Good advice, and clubs to research. "
Someone told me that, re being attractive enough. Imagine an average day in an average supermarket, what the people in there look like (minus children, of course). That's about what you'll see in clubs too, except with less/ no clothes on.
I just wish I could unsee it when I'm nipping in for a pint of milk |
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Xtasia is a great club with a night club vibe so can play or just enjoy a drink with your clothes on
Chams you will be nearly naked so may feel more uneasy
Should try this sat as its xtasia ffff night so pop ur names on forum bring ur photo id on the night an ur away
You can join as couple on night |
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"Like someone else said, Xtasia can be treated as a normal nightclub since the bar area tends to stay a fully dressed place. There’s no pressure to get naked which is the same as Atlantis. To be honest, there’s nothing scary to get partially naked anyway, it just feels normal.
Thanks, that helps a lot. For us it's not getting naked per se it's the thought of being told we have to. After nearly 30 years of only being naked in front of each other it's a big thing! I think we'll be fine once we feel comfortable & the mood takes us."
Make sure you read what the club's dress code is before going ad we didn't the first time we went to chams and felt like a nib all night 
Cupid's is a good club no stress but it is a dress down club but everyone is on same playing level and you don't have to walk round naked I always find nice baby doll or something like that other good ones are quest and Pandoras in Leeds both very different clubs |
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We’ve only been to Chameleons and we were both sat outside thinking what the hell are we both doing before we went in. We were both nervous as anything but as soon as we were inside it was so relaxing you wondered why you were so worried. We sat in the bar area in our underwear having a drink and a chat and it just felt so normal, we were not self conscious at all and normally we are! Mrs Absolutebeginner even had some egg and chips there while I was reading the paper!!
It’s just full of normal everyday people who have a little secret side of their lives. Take the plunge, try phoning one of the clubs up first and speaking to them. They’ve heard and already answered any questions that you will ask but even the phone call can be used as a little step to see how you feel. Happy fabbing, M&M. |
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As has already been said by others, Atlantis is a great place to start. We were very nervous our first time, and we didnt need to be at all. The place is so friendly and welcoming that we dont go anywhere else now. Anything we can help with please let us know. |
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By *rK MrsJCouple
over a year ago
Kidderminster |
"We are completely new to this & want some advice. We are both really excited to finally be dipping our toes in the water but also more nervous than we have ever been! After long discussions we agree that visiting a club would be the best way for us to get a feel of the scene with no expectations & no pressure, a way to ease ourselves in slowly. Our nearest club is Xstasia in West Brom. We would love to visit (nerves & confidence allowing!) can anyone give us an idea of what to expect or advice on other clubs in the area that might be better for first timers? "
We would recommend Chams for first timers |
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By *ertnsarah OP Couple
over a year ago
West Bromwich |
Quick update & a thankyou for all the advice & reassurance - we finally visited Xtasia for the first time 26 Jan. All the above comments were spot on! Everyone was friendly, the atmosphere was relaxed & we felt really comfortable as soon as we got there. We had arranged to meet a lovely couple who showed us round & looked after us until we were ready to wander off & explore on our own. I (Sarah) was going to dress down I felt so at ease but I was bloody freezing! Although we hadn't intended to play we ended up playing together & had a bit of soft swap with another couple which was an unexpected treat! Went back the following Saturday & are back again this weekend. Really don't know what you lot were making so much fuss about, it's a piece of cake! |
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"We are completely new to this & want some advice. We are both really excited to finally be dipping our toes in the water but also more nervous than we have ever been! After long discussions we agree that visiting a club would be the best way for us to get a feel of the scene with no expectations & no pressure, a way to ease ourselves in slowly. Our nearest club is Xstasia in West Brom. We would love to visit (nerves & confidence allowing!) can anyone give us an idea of what to expect or advice on other clubs in the area that might be better for first timers? "
For our first adventure we went for A couples tantric massage in London.
We felt the hands of another person for the first time in 18 years. A Male and female masseuse. They'd swap over and become more and more sensual as the time went on. Finishing with the 2 of us fucking while they played.
It was a great way to test the water and see how we felt with other people touching us. Then we knew we were comfortable and enjoyed watching each other. Xxx |
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By *ndescentCouple
over a year ago
tewkesbury |
We would urge you to take your time, research the possibles and chat to people who have been to the clubs you are considering
We have been to numerous clubs but generally our first choice would be Xtasia due to the friendliness and accommodation options BUT would suggest a Saturday night when it is couples only!
We tried Chameleons a couple of times, once on a Friday when we were followed all night by numerous guys (you can only say no thanks so many times!) and then on a Saturday night where we encountered a group of women singing 'money, money, money' as we walked past in obvious reference to the age gap between us ….. we haven't been back strangely 
Clubs are great, just choose wisely |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Go to Xtasia but don't go to play, it has a great dance floor so mingle and chat to others.
Small steps are best see if the swinging scene is for you.
Good luck
Thanks, that was our train of thought. First time rules would be look, get a feel of the atmosphere & see if it's somewhere we feel comfortable, no playing (with a side rule we can always regroup & change the rules slightly as long as we're both happy ) Thanks for the advice."
You definitely have the right attitude, good luck and enjoy. Xx |
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