FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Wife’s worried she will feel like a slut.
Wife’s worried she will feel like a slut.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ? "
Fantasy and desires can be two separate things, but head to a club and let her see what it's like. |
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ? "
Maybe see if she would accompany you too a club for a look... on the strict understanding that it would just be looking and chatting, but no attempts to play with anyone else.
Cal |
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By *rkeb3Man
over a year ago
east Lancashire road |
"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ?
Fantasy and desires can be two separate things, but head to a club and let her see what it's like."
more like let her watch porn
How the hell is club going to help if she's not willing to do it again in private with her hubby lol |
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"Or maybe just accept what she says and keep it as some nice chat between the two of you "
This. Don’t push it too much, you don’t really know where her head is with this and could damage your relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would you want her to feel bad just because it's what you want?
You may put her off of sex altogether.
But, if you reassure her that you won't think of her as a slut, and it's just sex, she might think fuck it, I'll try it.
Don't push too hard for it though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It’s not something I can just forget, if I’m honest I’d say she would fuck someone else but wouldn’t be comfortable with me watching, she goes away soon and I’ve told her she can play as long as it’s safe and she tells me all about it x |
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You can’t force people in to this, whether it’s by the preconceptions of the lifestyle or their morals, it’s their choice as well.
If she isn’t in to it, don’t force it or you risk alienating her. Seems like you have a choice between if a swinging lifestyle with your wife is that important or being happy together forever without swinging is more important.
If you have good bedroom play discussing it and fantasising, that seems good to me. It might not be your ideal scenario but we rarely get ideals anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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see this more and more mainly in clubs couples where one is just pushing the other rather than 2 people bouncing of each other....if its one sided then it will never work it has to be a 100% 50/50 thing where both want both happy both can talk about anything and both have 100% love and trust with each other... |
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I’d be interested to hear what OPs thoughts are on his reaction if his wife did agree ? The step over from fantasy to reality is a big initial step. Great fun if you are both on board!’ Funnily enough three years ago we had a social here in France with a local couple and we were discussing how we crossed over to active participation. The hubby was quite candid in that it was his desire and he arranged everything and that she was very wary. Several years down the line he found that whilst he was happy just the two of them she was much more involved and actively sought partners and parties etc. I suppose I am saying be careful what you wish for and look at your position too. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Were you always ok with it or did you need any convincing ?
Do you always try to 'convince ' your wife to do what you want her to do?"
Most men do sadly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You’re taking this the wrong way, I’ve asked her to consider it and her initial reaction was that she would feel like a slut, so I was asking for advice on how to reassure her, I’m not going to get her d*unk and bring a guy back, that to me would be controlling |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Were you always ok with it or did you need any convincing ? "
Firstly does your wife know you're on here?
Secondly coercion is very unattractive in anything and I've seen it before ... if this is what you want please don't make her as it will most likely ruin your relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’re taking this the wrong way, I’ve asked her to consider it and her initial reaction was that she would feel like a slut, so I was asking for advice on how to reassure her, I’m not going to get her d*unk and bring a guy back, that to me would be controlling "
I didn't suggest that you would do that  |
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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago
Craggy Island |
"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ? "
She's supposed to feel dirty and a slut thought that was the point besides the fun of it.
But you can't make her so if you are all she wants leave her be. |
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"Not at all she usually submits "
Usually submits... From a Dom in a D/s relationship this sets alarm bells ringing.
What's more is your profile says nothing about being married so does your wife know about being on here in the first place?
It's simple, honesty, trust and communication. Use these as a basis for an actual conversation about it rather than just sexual talk.
If she knows you are on here, set up a couples account together, give her access and let her dip her toes in. Talk to people and get a feel.
Also is her submition down to her being submissive or wanting to have a quiet life? There is a huge difference there. If it's the latter then I'd address those issues before moving forward with anything.
Ultimately it is your marriage which is at stake here... Is it worth pushing her for yourself? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ?
She's supposed to feel dirty and a slut thought that was the point besides the fun of it.
But you can't make her so if you are all she wants leave her be."
Really...she's supposed to?
Jesus christ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Were you always ok with it or did you need any convincing ? "
when i met my husband we were from the start very open with each other and very honest and open about what we liked so no he never needed to convince me or me convince him we just talked and were honest i told him everything and he did the same ... i know my husband inside out as does he me we do things because we want to do things if either of us said no then thats it its a no my life with my hubs our marridge is number one swinging is never number one ...2019 will be our 22nd year together and it will be our 21st year of swinging and playing with others  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’re taking this the wrong way, I’ve asked her to consider it and her initial reaction was that she would feel like a slut, so I was asking for advice on how to reassure her, I’m not going to get her d*unk and bring a guy back, that to me would be controlling "
this is what really gets me its your wife you should know her better than anyone else but you want advice from people you dont know ??? i would listen to your wife if i was you
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ?
She's supposed to feel dirty and a slut thought that was the point besides the fun of it.
But you can't make her so if you are all she wants leave her be"
Sooo much is wrong with this really... On this note I am tapping out, completely the wrong attitude to have with another person's feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember reading a vice article and I think op should give it a read, it was about cuckold relationships and basically it was a guy who pushed his other half away by demanding to see her with someone else all the time, you can get lost in your own fantasies, focus on what’s real, if she dosnt want to do it she dosnt want to do it, she also shouldn’t have to do it, she is a human herself mate focus on what you both need instead of a selfish fantasy that won’t gain her respect |
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ? "
I think you're lucky to have such a great sounding wife..respect her wishes and enjoy your life together. |
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"You’re taking this the wrong way, I’ve asked her to consider it and her initial reaction was that she would feel like a slut, so I was asking for advice on how to reassure her, I’m not going to get her d*unk and bring a guy back, that to me would be controlling "
That would not be controlling ,that would be abuse my dear x |
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ? "
Your wife has told you she only wants you so why can’t you just understand that decision? This is surely a ‘no’ for another man and your wife has told you this.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ?
Fantasy and desires can be two separate things, but head to a club and let her see what it's like.more like let her watch porn
How the hell is club going to help if she's not willing to do it again in private with her hubby lol"
Do what again?? They have only spoken together about it
..of she decides to watch at a club she may see it's not slutty ... |
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We are soft swingers so no penetration by anyone except Paul and this works for us. Do I sometimes feel slutty with what we do get up to....yes, but in a good way. Everyone has their own limits which should always be respected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is exactly how Sasha feels and I respect her wishes totally. It's why we are soft swap only although she can go full swap at any point if the mood takes her. She may do it one day but it's never an issue and we still have tons of fun in clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to be really emotionally intelligent to enjoy this lifestyle.You want this to happen because it’s your fantasy and it’s exciting to you
The reality is not always that easy to handle
Ask yourself this.How would you feel watching her with someone else and responding to the moment ?
Would you get jealous especially if she instigated another meeting ?
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The slutty aspect is the appeal for some, not all.
I'm not going to touch the single profile thing because it's not what you're asking about but keep in mind, that's something you need to think about with your relationship too.
Oops, suppose I touched it a bit 
As for the mmf, give her time. Don't suggest or push anything. Just make her aware that it turns you on too and you wouldn't judge her for it in any way. See where she goes from there but let her lead on it to say if/when she's up for it or even just going to a club.
For us, we had a threesome with a female friend 11 years ago - it happened naturally on a night out, we kissed and things progressed. We knew she was bi and fancied us both. It's taken 11 years for me to come around to the thought of anything doing anything like that again being more than just a fantasy. I knew W had always thought about it and would like to see me with another woman again. Another man could be a different issue but I we're both of a view that if we meet someone at a party or club and it all goes well then we're up for it. Planning a private meet specifically for that is a no for us. Too much pressure and expectation.
It was me who brought up swinging though and there was no pressure from W at all. I'd say it's more me leading it now in terms of couples and parties etc. If he finds a unicorn he likes then he can make a first move. Everything is a joint decision though on what happens.
Hope that helps.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Most sensible open minded response yet, thank you, I’m not pushing it to her, We’ve talked and she seems unsure so I started this in the hope others had the same situation and wanted to know the outcome x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most sensible open minded response yet, thank you, I’m not pushing it to her, We’ve talked and she seems unsure so I started this in the hope others had the same situation and wanted to know the outcome x"
Your original post says she only wants your cock.
Where does that indicate that she is unsure? |
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As lots of people have said, DO NOT push the issue. If she's not up for it, constantly going on about it would only make her more defensive.
The idea of visiting a club, is to expose her to the reality of what swinging is really like. It's a great way to meet actual swingers and ask questions. Many couples visit a club and decide that it's not actually right for them. Others will go and observe and then go and play on their own in a private room.
Another option to push your boundaries just a little bit is to maybe have a weekend in Amsterdam and visit a couple of the Live Sex Shows.
Ultimately though, you need to be prepared to accept that it may never be something she will be interested in. In which case, if you try to push it, it could damage your relationship.
Cal |
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"Most sensible open minded response yet, thank you, I’m not pushing it to her, We’ve talked and she seems unsure so I started this in the hope others had the same situation and wanted to know the outcome x"
Sensible responses consider all factors, not just the ones you want us to consider. |
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"I’ve spoken with my wife a few times about seeing her with another man and mmf, it turns her on and we have great sex after discussing it,
She says she will feel dirty and only wants my cock ? Surely if she wasn’t interested then it would just be a straight no ? We’ve used suction toys while she blows me too ?
She's supposed to feel dirty and a slut thought that was the point besides the fun of it.
But you can't make her so if you are all she wants leave her be."
Hm?!  |
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Some disturbing posts here.
If she's not into it past fantasy,don't fight it. She's told you her limits, pushing them is coercing her and your fantasy of making her like other women here is going to backfire spectacularly. They came in voluntarily, she won't be.
The transition from fantasy to reality has to her choice. |
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"Most sensible open minded response yet, thank you, I’m not pushing it to her, We’ve talked and she seems unsure so I started this in the hope others had the same situation and wanted to know the outcome x"
As others have said, be careful what you wish for. It is obviously something you want to try but what happens if she does agree but you get jealous seeing her with another guy? Fantasy and reality can be totally different things. Thankfully I love seeing Miss with another guy as I play with the lady. Not having a dig, just my point of you.
Also, when you are replying to individuals on the thread can you please use the reply"e button so we know who you are replying to. |
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"Most sensible open minded response yet, thank you, I’m not pushing it to her, We’ve talked and she seems unsure so I started this in the hope others had the same situation and wanted to know the outcome x"
I feel like you're missing the key points of IT TOOK 11 YEARS FOR ME TO COME AROUND TO THE IDEA! There was no coercion from him at all. It was me who came around to it and brought it up. Even if it's one of us who likes an idea/person ALL DECISIONS ARE JOINT
V x |
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"Tbh, "I just want your cock" could also be a soft no. Sometimes it's way easier to say something flattering as a gentle let down than risk confrontation. "
Exactly. Especially if there's a degree of pushiness involved. I've noticed though that in some couples where one person isn't keen that person has a way of seeming to be going along with it all but ensuring meets rarely happen.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s not something I can just forget, if I’m honest I’d say she would fuck someone else but wouldn’t be comfortable with me watching, she goes away soon and I’ve told her she can play as long as it’s safe and she tells me all about it x "
Why does she have to tell you all about it? Can she not enjoy herself without you getting something out of it? |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
Depends on how your mind works and if you can switch off if you didn’t like it.
Myself I am happy to try anything once and if i didn’t like it I am happy to move on and that’s it.
In your head without the distraction of a hard cock lol would you and her be happy with the thought of another mans cock deep inside her and not cause problems in your relationship later on especially if you didn’t enjoy or have jelousy issues.
If there’s a doubt about any of that don’t do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's all fantasy ... read his other posts
It’s all me, ive not lied once. "
Now you're bi on another post ... she doesn't know you're on here!! You've never been honest to her ever ... sorry I have no sympathy for you at all!!
Grow some balls be honest with her tell her you're a dishonest cheat who talks about her behind her back with total strangers and see how much damage you can cause all at once!! |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"It's all fantasy ... read his other posts
It’s all me, ive not lied once. "
Did you find out what happened when it took her an hour to drop your mate home? That maybe a good starting point for you both if she's already had your mate of her own free will. Maybe he's willing to help out? |
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"It's all fantasy ... read his other posts
It’s all me, ive not lied once.
Now you're bi on another post ... she doesn't know you're on here!! You've never been honest to her ever ... sorry I have no sympathy for you at all!!
Grow some balls be honest with her tell her you're a dishonest cheat who talks about her behind her back with total strangers and see how much damage you can cause all at once!! "
^^^^ this. Can smell the bs from here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's all fantasy ... read his other posts
It’s all me, ive not lied once.
Now you're bi on another post ... she doesn't know you're on here!! You've never been honest to her ever ... sorry I have no sympathy for you at all!!
Grow some balls be honest with her tell her you're a dishonest cheat who talks about her behind her back with total strangers and see how much damage you can cause all at once!!
^^^^ this. Can smell the bs from here. "
Sorry Jack  |
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"It's all fantasy ... read his other posts
It’s all me, ive not lied once.
Now you're bi on another post ... she doesn't know you're on here!! You've never been honest to her ever ... sorry I have no sympathy for you at all!!
Grow some balls be honest with her tell her you're a dishonest cheat who talks about her behind her back with total strangers and see how much damage you can cause all at once!!
^^^^ this. Can smell the bs from here.
Sorry Jack "
Haha not from you lovely Lou. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be careful what you wish for ...
Took the words out of my mouth."
What else did they take out?
Op, just take things slowly. I like to think people who are doing fantasies are honestly doing it for each other, I hate to hear people have ‘took one for the team!’, so I can’t imagine how I would feel if my wife only did something because I wanted too, you married, it’s a Teo way thing isn’t it?
Fantasies and desires are closely related, i dream very vividly, so I know what my mind is comfortable with. Only your wife knows how she could deal with the fallout of going through with a fantasy. Start slow...try baby steps before a full blown 12 men bukaki 
This thread has been a great read and som good advice, take it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The OP has Posted several different Threads within the space of a few hours.
What a crock of Shit. And Jackanory
Yep. "
Ah. Shit, ... still, some good advice on here for others who may relate to this question.
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