FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Hurt from ghosting!
Hurt from ghosting!
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently!" They shot their load  | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load "This
Sadly they’ve had what they want and don’t want it anymore. | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load " Doh!! Ok then, God I am nieve at times! Thanks so much, I can laugh at it now!!  | |||
  | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load "Exactly lol! | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load
This
Sadly they’ve had what they want and don’t want it anymore. "  Thank you! Ahhh, knowing honest grit - you do heal quicker ha! | |||
| |||
"It’s horrible, I’ve had it happen a few times. One very recently in the actual dating world. Been seeing him a couple of months, arranged for him to meet my children (his choice) he stood us all up and I’ve not heard a thing. To do it to me is bad enough but involving my children, just no. But proved a useful discussion topic for my two boys about being truthful no matter how hard it is. " I had something similar, a lady I was dating ghosted me whilst I was in the US visiting my family. Really hurt at the time as I thought we were tight but obviously not! | |||
| |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load
This
Sadly they’ve had what they want and don’t want it anymore. Thank you! Ahhh, knowing honest grit - you do heal quicker ha!"It’s happened to me in the past and it’s truly awful but in hindsight they got what they wanted (sex) didn’t want it anymore then disappeared. | |||
"It’s horrible, I’ve had it happen a few times. One very recently in the actual dating world. Been seeing him a couple of months, arranged for him to meet my children (his choice) he stood us all up and I’ve not heard a thing. To do it to me is bad enough but involving my children, just no. But proved a useful discussion topic for my two boys about being truthful no matter how hard it is. " That really is bad, sorry to hear. Although all power to you for seeing the silver lining! | |||
| |||
"You know how women, and couples like to block men that have the audacity to message them, because they say it is easier and better than receiving "abuse" or receiving more messages asking why they don't fancy them etc etc. And how no reply means no and it's not rude.. All pretty reasonable and I have no issue with it but it works both ways. Men have to deal with abuse too, bunny boilers, spiteful women, needy/clingy/stalkers etc etc. I'm not saying the OP falls into any of these catagories BTW, just that men have as much right to sidestep any drama and that some women have become far to "invested" (attached) than is appropriate. Sure, all the women and couples here will claim to be diplomatic and appreciate being told no thanks, but so would all the single men and we all know how true that is.. " But blocking men isn’t the same as ghosting! Ghosting is getting someone to believe they want you, want a relationship etc then disappear like you never existed. | |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... " There are guys on here and woman that will promise you the world and say they want to date you and not just shag you and get you to believe they want a relationship, it happens on fab. | |||
"It’s horrible, I’ve had it happen a few times. One very recently in the actual dating world. Been seeing him a couple of months, arranged for him to meet my children (his choice) he stood us all up and I’ve not heard a thing. To do it to me is bad enough but involving my children, just no. But proved a useful discussion topic for my two boys about being truthful no matter how hard it is. That really is bad, sorry to hear. Although all power to you for seeing the silver lining! " Thanks. I will make decent men out of them! It was either that or fall into a general rant about how shitty dating is. I didn’t think that wasn’t the best route to go! Lol | |||
"It’s horrible, I’ve had it happen a few times. One very recently in the actual dating world. Been seeing him a couple of months, arranged for him to meet my children (his choice) he stood us all up and I’ve not heard a thing. To do it to me is bad enough but involving my children, just no. But proved a useful discussion topic for my two boys about being truthful no matter how hard it is. That really is bad, sorry to hear. Although all power to you for seeing the silver lining! Thanks. I will make decent men out of them! It was either that or fall into a general rant about how shitty dating is. I didn’t think that wasn’t the best route to go! Lol " Definitely the more constructive option! | |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... " Maybe ghosting isn’t the right term but there are plenty who disappear into the ether when you thought you’d formed a friendship. Certainly I think it’s fair to ask that someone you’ve spent time with to give you the nod that it’s not working for them. I get it if there’s been some awkwardness perhaps but when things have been fun and drama free, it’s not a lot to ask. A lot of the time, it’s like a kid spotting a new toy I think. | |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... Maybe ghosting isn’t the right term but there are plenty who disappear into the ether when you thought you’d formed a friendship. Certainly I think it’s fair to ask that someone you’ve spent time with to give you the nod that it’s not working for them. I get it if there’s been some awkwardness perhaps but when things have been fun and drama free, it’s not a lot to ask. A lot of the time, it’s like a kid spotting a new toy I think. " Yes, absolutely. People here generally sign up for No Strings Attached meets, rather than No Consideration Attached meets. | |||
"You know how women, and couples like to block men that have the audacity to message them, because they say it is easier and better than receiving "abuse" or receiving more messages asking why they don't fancy them etc etc. And how no reply means no and it's not rude.. All pretty reasonable and I have no issue with it but it works both ways. Men have to deal with abuse too, bunny boilers, spiteful women, needy/clingy/stalkers etc etc. I'm not saying the OP falls into any of these catagories BTW, just that men have as much right to sidestep any drama and that some women have become far to "invested" (attached) than is appropriate. Sure, all the women and couples here will claim to be diplomatic and appreciate being told no thanks, but so would all the single men and we all know how true that is.. " That's not even close to the same thing though is it. | |||
"You know how women, and couples like to block men that have the audacity to message them, because they say it is easier and better than receiving "abuse" or receiving more messages asking why they don't fancy them etc etc. And how no reply means no and it's not rude.. All pretty reasonable and I have no issue with it but it works both ways. Men have to deal with abuse too, bunny boilers, spiteful women, needy/clingy/stalkers etc etc. I'm not saying the OP falls into any of these catagories BTW, just that men have as much right to sidestep any drama and that some women have become far to "invested" (attached) than is appropriate. Sure, all the women and couples here will claim to be diplomatic and appreciate being told no thanks, but so would all the single men and we all know how true that is.. That's not even close to the same thing though is it. " For the lady that mentioned about the guy standing up her and her kid's, no it isn't. But for the great majority on here that whine about ghosting it is exactly the same. I.e. - some stranger on the Internet has decided that they are not interested. | |||
 | |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... " People link different terms with different meaning GHOSTING---- the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication | |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... People link different terms with different meaning GHOSTING---- the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication " I get ghosting but don't understand a lot of the ghosting going on here as it just seems that one person was emotionally involved and there was no relationship? | |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
"Am I missing something? Can you be ghosted on sites like fab? Why are couples getting bent out of shape if a casual fuck "ghosts" them? Do people honestly believe everything they are told? I'm not being funny, but I would take everything with a pinch of salt and a healthy dose of cynicism. Maybe I'm cold...but I truly can't imagine getting upset at being "ghosted"." It certainly isn't ghosting if you've never met them in person | |||
"Am I missing something? Can you be ghosted on sites like fab? Why are couples getting bent out of shape if a casual fuck "ghosts" them? Do people honestly believe everything they are told? I'm not being funny, but I would take everything with a pinch of salt and a healthy dose of cynicism. Maybe I'm cold...but I truly can't imagine getting upset at being "ghosted". It certainly isn't ghosting if you've never met them in person "That's what I thought ghosting was, ending a personal relationship, like being dumped by text, not ignored by an online hook up. | |||
"Am I missing something? Can you be ghosted on sites like fab? Why are couples getting bent out of shape if a casual fuck "ghosts" them? Do people honestly believe everything they are told? I'm not being funny, but I would take everything with a pinch of salt and a healthy dose of cynicism. Maybe I'm cold...but I truly can't imagine getting upset at being "ghosted". It certainly isn't ghosting if you've never met them in person
That's what I thought ghosting was, ending a personal relationship, like being dumped by text, not ignored by an online hook up. "It's worse than being dumped by text ... they just stop all communication totally | |||
"Am I missing something? Can you be ghosted on sites like fab? Why are couples getting bent out of shape if a casual fuck "ghosts" them? Do people honestly believe everything they are told? I'm not being funny, but I would take everything with a pinch of salt and a healthy dose of cynicism. Maybe I'm cold...but I truly can't imagine getting upset at being "ghosted". It certainly isn't ghosting if you've never met them in person
That's what I thought ghosting was, ending a personal relationship, like being dumped by text, not ignored by an online hook up. "Well obviously ghosting means the contact just stops so you don't receive a text dumping you | |||
"Am I missing something? Can you be ghosted on sites like fab? Why are couples getting bent out of shape if a casual fuck "ghosts" them? Do people honestly believe everything they are told? I'm not being funny, but I would take everything with a pinch of salt and a healthy dose of cynicism. Maybe I'm cold...but I truly can't imagine getting upset at being "ghosted". It certainly isn't ghosting if you've never met them in person
That's what I thought ghosting was, ending a personal relationship, like being dumped by text, not ignored by an online hook up.
Well obviously ghosting means the contact just stops so you don't receive a text dumping you " | |||
| |||
| |||
"Am I missing something? Can you be ghosted on sites like fab? Why are couples getting bent out of shape if a casual fuck "ghosts" them? Do people honestly believe everything they are told? I'm not being funny, but I would take everything with a pinch of salt and a healthy dose of cynicism. Maybe I'm cold...but I truly can't imagine getting upset at being "ghosted"." I am so glad you came, saves me typing the same thing | |||
| |||
| |||
"No reply-not interested. That's what the site's FAQs tell us. " It's different when you've been meeting for a while When they tell you they can't wait to fuck you, they miss you, or that they consider you a good friend. Then they ignore you it hurts. But message you weeks and months later when they are gagging for a fuck because all their preferred play mates are busy. It tells you you're worthless and disposable which also hurts. Only good enough as a desperate fuck. Bottom of the list | |||
"No reply-not interested. That's what the site's FAQs tell us. It's different when you've been meeting for a while When they tell you they can't wait to fuck you, they miss you, or that they consider you a good friend. Then they ignore you it hurts. But message you weeks and months later when they are gagging for a fuck because all their preferred play mates are busy. It tells you you're worthless and disposable which also hurts. Only good enough as a desperate fuck. Bottom of the list" Judge them on their actions, not their words. | |||
| |||
"No reply-not interested. That's what the site's FAQs tell us. It's different when you've been meeting for a while When they tell you they can't wait to fuck you, they miss you, or that they consider you a good friend. Then they ignore you it hurts. But message you weeks and months later when they are gagging for a fuck because all their preferred play mates are busy. It tells you you're worthless and disposable which also hurts. Only good enough as a desperate fuck. Bottom of the list" That doesn't apply on the site though. That's booty call sex. | |||
"No reply-not interested. That's what the site's FAQs tell us. It's different when you've been meeting for a while When they tell you they can't wait to fuck you, they miss you, or that they consider you a good friend. Then they ignore you it hurts. But message you weeks and months later when they are gagging for a fuck because all their preferred play mates are busy. It tells you you're worthless and disposable which also hurts. Only good enough as a desperate fuck. Bottom of the list That doesn't apply on the site though. That's booty call sex. " And what I say about men not being honest about what they want. Theres plenty of women on this site looking for a fuck and go, or to be used like "sluts, whores,and what ever other degrading names you can think of" because that's what they want. The men who want the quick fucks and degrade women should find the ones who want the same. But men want what they want will do what ever it takes to get what they want including lying through their teeth. I have fbs just fucking nothing more nothing less and it's meant to be mutual pleasures. I have sexual companions it's having the gf/bf experience without the gf/bf part. Just adults enjoying adult company doing things together be it clubs or meal or just a walk in the park and then fucking each others brains out till the next time. Nothing more. In recent months I've been looking for a potential partner who enjoys the life style and happy to enjoy it solo as well as a couple. Doesn't mean I've gone all doe eyed over every person I've fucked. It's just sex even if they are sexual companions. It's nothing more than a sexual friendship in any case Then you get the dreamers who think you'll jump straight into a relationship before even meeting them or met them once. Relationships have to grow can't will it to happen over night. Men saying women are the emotionally attached ones is a farce Everyone needs to be honest about what they want. That way no confusion and no one gets messed around as they know where they stand. | |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... " Not by necessarily. You could be getting along with someone, up to the point of arranging a meet, then nothing. Or having met a few times, think you’ve found a good Fab pal, and then nothing. Both scenarios would be frustrating as hell, but neither require much of an emotional connection to occur I don’t think. | |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... Not by necessarily. You could be getting along with someone, up to the point of arranging a meet, then nothing. Or having met a few times, think you’ve found a good Fab pal, and then nothing. Both scenarios would be frustrating as hell, but neither require much of an emotional connection to occur I don’t think." But that's not ghosting, that's not nice, it's frustrating and it's a let down Ghosting is when you're in a personal relationship with someone | |||
| |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... Not by necessarily. You could be getting along with someone, up to the point of arranging a meet, then nothing. Or having met a few times, think you’ve found a good Fab pal, and then nothing. Both scenarios would be frustrating as hell, but neither require much of an emotional connection to occur I don’t think. But that's not ghosting, that's not nice, it's frustrating and it's a let down Ghosting is when you're in a personal relationship with someone " I suppose the former isn’t really any sort of relationship if people haven’t actually met. But it’s still the same idea, someone you have invested time in simply disappearing for no apparent reason. The later might not be a conventional relationship, but if you’ve been meeting someone through something like Fab, that you got on with and had fun with, I’m not sure that necessarily requires an emotional element to be described as ‘a personal relationship’, or for the term ‘ghosting’ to apply. | |||
| |||
"It’s horrible, I’ve had it happen a few times. One very recently in the actual dating world. Been seeing him a couple of months, arranged for him to meet my children (his choice) he stood us all up and I’ve not heard a thing. To do it to me is bad enough but involving my children, just no. But proved a useful discussion topic for my two boys about being truthful no matter how hard it is. " sorry to hear this. That is really low and cowardly. Hope you are ok xx | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load " | |||
| |||
| |||
"I don't understand ghosting on here as surely it implies an emotional connection? Slightly confused as usual ... People link different terms with different meaning GHOSTING---- the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication I get ghosting but don't understand a lot of the ghosting going on here as it just seems that one person was emotionally involved and there was no relationship? " Relationship - I have a relationship with my friends My co workers My neighbours My children My doctor Relationship doesn’t necessarily mean emotions therefore you can be ghosted in many different ways, ghosting is a commonplace occurrence in the job hunting sector | |||
| |||
| |||
"Do we owe it to casual sex partners to say goodbye? I never have; we just stopped talking and meeting. " Dunno. Good question... hmmmm! I would say ‘thanks for the fuck, good luck’ | |||
"Do we owe it to casual sex partners to say goodbye? I never have; we just stopped talking and meeting. " If you're also friends with them I reckon it's a nicer way to treat people | |||
| |||
"move on. same with people youve met in the past who keep you on the subs bench for when someone else lets them down. you deserve better. be brave, fuck them off." Oh farnborough one of my favourite places every two years | |||
"It's worse when you fuck them regular for months then suffer severe bout of depression or extremely long abnormal period and everyone you interact with ghosts you. They make you think they care but really dont, they tell you that you mean something to them or they miss fucking them but yet still ghosted. Fab is full of fuckwits and arseholes who can't bring themselves to tell the truth. Stringing people along on lies I find utterly rude. They won't tell you they like the fantasy of looking to meet which is why they dont. They don't tell you upfront they don't want meet you any more. Because they are cowardly and fear a response. Or they think they don't want upset you but they don't figure out what they are doing is upsetting you. Think it hurts less to string you along than to tell you upfront. "You're better off without them. Some people just don't care. Care about yourself and forget them. xx | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"This is a difficult one for me, yes it is incredibly shitty if you've been talking to a person and I'd get frustrated if someone wanked and left me hanging without something in return or met me and didn't give a quick thank you for a good time text. However if we're talking in a relationship sense where they're not willing to send you normal outside of fab texts to see how you are ect, I really tend to avoid that. I don't form personal relationships on here, I shut down any attempt to do so. Like I can see already on the thread people have been hurt so I try to keep things nsa on here. I've tried to have friendly fb relationships before and people have reacted badly when I've said I don't want to form anything. I guess they're treating it like a come and go pic/sexting sex site, they have partners or they are fantasists. It's incredibly shitty behaviour but you soon learn to spot it before it's too late. " Most of my life, I've been ghosted by people, even people who were best friends for years, suddenly one day- poof, disappeared! I've just come to realise, people come and go, can't trust anyone. . As for here, I've been let down multiple times by "women" who chat for ages and even discuss arranging a meet, then I'm blocked. . People come, people go. Unless there's a mutual respect, I'm not interested. . Is A horrible feeling, but time heals and you realise there's better people who will come into your life | |||
"This is a difficult one for me, yes it is incredibly shitty if you've been talking to a person and I'd get frustrated if someone wanked and left me hanging without something in return or met me and didn't give a quick thank you for a good time text. However if we're talking in a relationship sense where they're not willing to send you normal outside of fab texts to see how you are ect, I really tend to avoid that. I don't form personal relationships on here, I shut down any attempt to do so. Like I can see already on the thread people have been hurt so I try to keep things nsa on here. I've tried to have friendly fb relationships before and people have reacted badly when I've said I don't want to form anything. I guess they're treating it like a come and go pic/sexting sex site, they have partners or they are fantasists. It's incredibly shitty behaviour but you soon learn to spot it before it's too late. Most of my life, I've been ghosted by people, even people who were best friends for years, suddenly one day- poof, disappeared! I've just come to realise, people come and go, can't trust anyone. . As for here, I've been let down multiple times by "women" who chat for ages and even discuss arranging a meet, then I'm blocked. . People come, people go. Unless there's a mutual respect, I'm not interested. . Is A horrible feeling, but time heals and you realise there's better people who will come into your life "I mean this is different to me, I don't think people really owe you anything on fab, it is a sex site after all, people can just disappear and often aren't truthful about their circumstances too. People off fab, change, grow and move on and I think its all about spotting signs too but I wouldn't let it stop you trusting people in general. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Many men and women on FAB are already married or in a relationship and dont want or need an affair. FAB is a great site and people on here expecting more than NSA sex should be on a dating site not FAB. " Oh behave People can be here looking for whatever pleases them | |||
"Many men and women on FAB are already married or in a relationship and dont want or need an affair. FAB is a great site and people on here expecting more than NSA sex should be on a dating site not FAB. " Some of the people commenting and feeling hurt are couples. Think I'd raise an eyebrow if himself became desolate about being ghosted by someone from fab! | |||
| |||
| |||
"You know how women, and couples like to block men that have the audacity to message them, because they say it is easier and better than receiving "abuse" or receiving more messages asking why they don't fancy them etc etc. And how no reply means no and it's not rude.. All pretty reasonable and I have no issue with it but it works both ways. Men have to deal with abuse too, bunny boilers, spiteful women, needy/clingy/stalkers etc etc. I'm not saying the OP falls into any of these catagories BTW, just that men have as much right to sidestep any drama and that some women have become far to "invested" (attached) than is appropriate. Sure, all the women and couples here will claim to be diplomatic and appreciate being told no thanks, but so would all the single men and we all know how true that is.. That's not even close to the same thing though is it. For the lady that mentioned about the guy standing up her and her kid's, no it isn't. But for the great majority on here that whine about ghosting it is exactly the same. I.e. - some stranger on the Internet has decided that they are not interested. " Someone you have met and converse with regularly cutting you off is not the same as your first message resting in a block | |||
"You know how women, and couples like to block men that have the audacity to message them, because they say it is easier and better than receiving "abuse" or receiving more messages asking why they don't fancy them etc etc. And how no reply means no and it's not rude.. All pretty reasonable and I have no issue with it but it works both ways. Men have to deal with abuse too, bunny boilers, spiteful women, needy/clingy/stalkers etc etc. I'm not saying the OP falls into any of these catagories BTW, just that men have as much right to sidestep any drama and that some women have become far to "invested" (attached) than is appropriate. Sure, all the women and couples here will claim to be diplomatic and appreciate being told no thanks, but so would all the single men and we all know how true that is.. That's not even close to the same thing though is it. For the lady that mentioned about the guy standing up her and her kid's, no it isn't. But for the great majority on here that whine about ghosting it is exactly the same. I.e. - some stranger on the Internet has decided that they are not interested. Someone you have met and converse with regularly cutting you off is not the same as your first message resting in a block "Unless you have both agreed some sort of commitment there is no obligation to keep talking or to justify/explain yourself. Chatting to, meeting or even fucking someone does not make you beholden to them and to think it does comes across as demanding, needy, controlling and possessive and I wouldn't blame anyone for running a mile and not looking (messaging) back. Of course if you have been promised commitment, such as the earlier example of the lady and her children being stood up, then it is right to expect people to be true to their word however it seems most examples of what people call ghosting are simply casual encounters that have run their course. It is very telling that some people complaining about it tend to throw out derogatory remarks and accusations such as they are cowards, cheaters, fantasists, wankers etc etc yet wonder why people may be giving them a wide berth. | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently!" It’s not just Fab it’s dating app too. It happens all the time. | |||
| |||
"I really do feel for you; it's horrible. I just had my first meet with someone I found very attractive. We had been messaging for a few days, but had struggled to arrange a spontaneous meet, so planned something for last night. We'd spent the entire day messaging, spoken on the phone, got on very well, she was just my type physically, a fair bit younger than me, and I felt very lucky! The intention was for her to come to mine for the night, stay over etc. The meet started off like more of a social with a friend, watching a film (at her request), chatting etc, before leading to the inevitable, which without going into detail, was very enjoyable. Then after an hour of lying in bed chatting, up she gets and says she's heading off, much to my bemusement as she was supposed to be staying and had never mentioned that she wasn't. I did get a message to say she'd got home safely, but that was that. Until this morning, when she realised she'd left something at my house. She called to ask if she could come and pick it up, then followed it up with a messaging to say she was never just going to fuck and not speak to me again, and indeed she said she'd see me again soon when she popped in to grab her things and continued to message regularly until mid afternoon today. Then, without warning, the messages stopped and I appear to have been blocked (all of her messages disappeared from my inbox/sent items, and although I could still see her online for a bit, now I can't even find the profile in a search so I assume I have been). Now I know she doesn't owe me anything in the strictest sense, but this was someone I had a rapport with, who I invited into my home, shared an enjoyable evening with, was intimate with and who flat out promised up front to tell me if she didn't want to see me again. I know it's a swinging site, but people have feelings and honesty costs nothing. If I message someone and they delete it, or reply with a no thanks, that's fine. There's no contact, emotional investment and them's the breaks. But to actually have my first meet and then to be blocked without explanation, after what was a really nice evening, is actually quite hurtful. All it needed was a simple 'thanks for last night, but it was a one off'. I suppose I should have twigged when I realised she was reading her Fab messages while she was in my living room after telling me I was the only person she was chatting to, but there you go... Didn't even get my first verification! I know I'm more sensitive to it than most though, because earlier this year I was properly ghosted without warning by someone who professed to be in love with me. Still don't know why to this day and we were involved on and off for a couple of years! Some people just don't have the courage to come clean I guess, but it's not just guys that's for sure." If all the messages have disappeared she’s left the site. | |||
"I really do feel for you; it's horrible. I just had my first meet with someone I found very attractive. We had been messaging for a few days, but had struggled to arrange a spontaneous meet, so planned something for last night. We'd spent the entire day messaging, spoken on the phone, got on very well, she was just my type physically, a fair bit younger than me, and I felt very lucky! The intention was for her to come to mine for the night, stay over etc. The meet started off like more of a social with a friend, watching a film (at her request), chatting etc, before leading to the inevitable, which without going into detail, was very enjoyable. Then after an hour of lying in bed chatting, up she gets and says she's heading off, much to my bemusement as she was supposed to be staying and had never mentioned that she wasn't. I did get a message to say she'd got home safely, but that was that. Until this morning, when she realised she'd left something at my house. She called to ask if she could come and pick it up, then followed it up with a messaging to say she was never just going to fuck and not speak to me again, and indeed she said she'd see me again soon when she popped in to grab her things and continued to message regularly until mid afternoon today. Then, without warning, the messages stopped and I appear to have been blocked (all of her messages disappeared from my inbox/sent items, and although I could still see her online for a bit, now I can't even find the profile in a search so I assume I have been). Now I know she doesn't owe me anything in the strictest sense, but this was someone I had a rapport with, who I invited into my home, shared an enjoyable evening with, was intimate with and who flat out promised up front to tell me if she didn't want to see me again. I know it's a swinging site, but people have feelings and honesty costs nothing. If I message someone and they delete it, or reply with a no thanks, that's fine. There's no contact, emotional investment and them's the breaks. But to actually have my first meet and then to be blocked without explanation, after what was a really nice evening, is actually quite hurtful. All it needed was a simple 'thanks for last night, but it was a one off'. I suppose I should have twigged when I realised she was reading her Fab messages while she was in my living room after telling me I was the only person she was chatting to, but there you go... Didn't even get my first verification! I know I'm more sensitive to it than most though, because earlier this year I was properly ghosted without warning by someone who professed to be in love with me. Still don't know why to this day and we were involved on and off for a couple of years! Some people just don't have the courage to come clean I guess, but it's not just guys that's for sure." Did she actually come back to get her things? Have you noticed anything missing from your house? That's a really crappy thing to do to you. You're better off without people like that in your life. x | |||
| |||
" Unless you have both agreed some sort of commitment there is no obligation to keep talking or to justify/explain yourself. Chatting to, meeting or even fucking someone does not make you beholden to them and to think it does comes across as demanding, needy, controlling and possessive and I wouldn't blame anyone for running a mile and not looking (messaging) back. " | |||
"move on. same with people youve met in the past who keep you on the subs bench for when someone else lets them down. you deserve better. be brave, fuck them off. Oh farnborough one of my favourite places every two years " air show time? | |||
"I really do feel for you; it's horrible. I just had my first meet with someone I found very attractive. We had been messaging for a few days, but had struggled to arrange a spontaneous meet, so planned something for last night. We'd spent the entire day messaging, spoken on the phone, got on very well, she was just my type physically, a fair bit younger than me, and I felt very lucky! The intention was for her to come to mine for the night, stay over etc. The meet started off like more of a social with a friend, watching a film (at her request), chatting etc, before leading to the inevitable, which without going into detail, was very enjoyable. Then after an hour of lying in bed chatting, up she gets and says she's heading off, much to my bemusement as she was supposed to be staying and had never mentioned that she wasn't. I did get a message to say she'd got home safely, but that was that. Until this morning, when she realised she'd left something at my house. She called to ask if she could come and pick it up, then followed it up with a messaging to say she was never just going to fuck and not speak to me again, and indeed she said she'd see me again soon when she popped in to grab her things and continued to message regularly until mid afternoon today. Then, without warning, the messages stopped and I appear to have been blocked (all of her messages disappeared from my inbox/sent items, and although I could still see her online for a bit, now I can't even find the profile in a search so I assume I have been). Now I know she doesn't owe me anything in the strictest sense, but this was someone I had a rapport with, who I invited into my home, shared an enjoyable evening with, was intimate with and who flat out promised up front to tell me if she didn't want to see me again. I know it's a swinging site, but people have feelings and honesty costs nothing. If I message someone and they delete it, or reply with a no thanks, that's fine. There's no contact, emotional investment and them's the breaks. But to actually have my first meet and then to be blocked without explanation, after what was a really nice evening, is actually quite hurtful. All it needed was a simple 'thanks for last night, but it was a one off'. I suppose I should have twigged when I realised she was reading her Fab messages while she was in my living room after telling me I was the only person she was chatting to, but there you go... Didn't even get my first verification! I know I'm more sensitive to it than most though, because earlier this year I was properly ghosted without warning by someone who professed to be in love with me. Still don't know why to this day and we were involved on and off for a couple of years! Some people just don't have the courage to come clean I guess, but it's not just guys that's for sure." Now that's really rubbish, I'd feel disappointed too if that happened to me. The way you describe it though, either she wasn't honest and never really intended to stay the night for whatever her personal reasons may be (eg. Hubby at home), or maybe she didn't enjoy? Either way, if you ignore how it ended, you had a good experience. See the positive side of it, and there'll be more meets to come. | |||
"If all the messages have disappeared she’s left the site." Ah right, so they stay if you're just blocked? After I posted I tried to go directly to her profile and it said I couldn't. Assumed it would have said she'd left rather than blocked if she had done the former. "Did she actually come back to get her things? Have you noticed anything missing from your house?That's a really crappy thing to do to you. You're better off without people like that in your life. x" Thanks. No, it was a case of pop in, grab it, quick kiss and see you soon, then gone. She was a really nice girl and I know too much about her to be worried that she was out to steal from me. It wasn't like that at all, hence my bemusement. "Now that's really rubbish, I'd feel disappointed too if that happened to me.The way you describe it though, either she wasn't honest and never really intended to stay the night for whatever her personal reasons may be (eg. Hubby at home), or maybe she didn't enjoy?Either way, if you ignore how it ended, you had a good experience. See the positive side of it, and there'll be more meets to come." I don't think it was that she had a bad time (her only complaint was that I lasted too long), but she had just broken up with someone so I think it was maybe a case of having a few flings to get over him. That's completely fine, but I actually asked if she was interested in seeing me again and if not just to be up front. It's not really the fact that she only wanted a one off, more that she didn't tell me face to face when she had the opportunity (twice) and then kept on messaging for a few more hours (including to ask if I had any tips for her so we'd be more in sync next time), then just disappeared. I guess you're right. I did enjoy the evening, but just feel a little odd today. I've been on here for a while and this is the first time I've actually met someone (who I got on really well with to boot), so I just feel a bit silly for misreading things. If I'm lucky enough for there to be a next time hopefully both parties will be very clear about what they want from the meet. | |||
| |||
"If a certain something happens to you on multiple occasions it's time to get introspective and figure out what YOU are doing that causes the certain something to keep occurring." Thank you, but you aren't privy to the full details and there's a world of a difference between this situation and the other (on every conceivable level). I'd hardly refer to something that's happened twice in 43 years as 'keeps occurring' either. | |||
"Ghosting isn't gender based, it is done equally by and to men and women but it does involve an emotional attachment or it would be classed as a let down which is significantly different " well said ...think some people forget its a swingers site and not a dating site  | |||
"Why, Why do it?! Why entice another person in, get them hot & excited to go further...then accepted, shit happens but to drop-kick a person with hell no explanation?? Unnecessary silence, even knowing how bewildered the person is??!! - Pretty weak I now think, which I felt momentarily stung by recently! They shot their load "100% correct. | |||
"If all the messages have disappeared she’s left the site. Ah right, so they stay if you're just blocked? After I posted I tried to go directly to her profile and it said I couldn't. Assumed it would have said she'd left rather than blocked if she had done the former. Did she actually come back to get her things? Have you noticed anything missing from your house?That's a really crappy thing to do to you. You're better off without people like that in your life. x Thanks. No, it was a case of pop in, grab it, quick kiss and see you soon, then gone. She was a really nice girl and I know too much about her to be worried that she was out to steal from me. It wasn't like that at all, hence my bemusement. Now that's really rubbish, I'd feel disappointed too if that happened to me.The way you describe it though, either she wasn't honest and never really intended to stay the night for whatever her personal reasons may be (eg. Hubby at home), or maybe she didn't enjoy?Either way, if you ignore how it ended, you had a good experience. See the positive side of it, and there'll be more meets to come. I don't think it was that she had a bad time (her only complaint was that I lasted too long), but she had just broken up with someone so I think it was maybe a case of having a few flings to get over him. That's completely fine, but I actually asked if she was interested in seeing me again and if not just to be up front. It's not really the fact that she only wanted a one off, more that she didn't tell me face to face when she had the opportunity (twice) and then kept on messaging for a few more hours (including to ask if I had any tips for her so we'd be more in sync next time), then just disappeared. I guess you're right. I did enjoy the evening, but just feel a little odd today. I've been on here for a while and this is the first time I've actually met someone (who I got on really well with to boot), so I just feel a bit silly for misreading things. If I'm lucky enough for there to be a next time hopefully both parties will be very clear about what they want from the meet." You'll go crazy trying to figure out why. If you'd been a disaster, unless it was the Hope Diamond she left behind, she'd not have returned. I left a mohair sweater behind once and I was still on his road when I remembered and didn't turn back. Something is probably going on with her she hasn't quite dealt with and your obvious attraction to her is more overwhelming than she can handle. Saying "you're a great bloke but..." is harder to say for some than "you're a prick, never contact me again!" It's disappointing but you had a good time. Just take it slow and easy next time and enjoy. | |||
"Ghosting isn't gender based, it is done equally by and to men and women but it does involve an emotional attachment or it would be classed as a let down which is significantly different well said ...think some people forget its a swingers site and not a dating site "Jeez there’s not much here that really gets my back up... but that bloody sentence does. It IS a dating site if you want it to be. I go on dates. I meet people here that I have had relationships with (of all types). If emotional attachment starts, then it’s not “not allowed” because it started on fab. And peace and love to all
V x | |||
"Ghosting isn't gender based, it is done equally by and to men and women but it does involve an emotional attachment or it would be classed as a let down which is significantly different well said ...think some people forget its a swingers site and not a dating site
Jeez there’s not much here that really gets my back up... but that bloody sentence does. It IS a dating site if you want it to be. I go on dates. I meet people here that I have had relationships with (of all types). If emotional attachment starts, then it’s not “not allowed” because it started on fab.
And peace and love to all
V x "lol never said it was not allowed ???? just said its a swinging site first n formost you can fall for someone anywhere but its still a swinging site first n formost | |||
| |||
"There was a study that found that people who reported engaging in ghosting (in the context of dating) are more likely to be people that believe in fate and the concept of 'the one'. This is a different context of course but still quite interesting. I think it is a bit disrespectful of people's time- if I have met someone for more than a one off and I know that they are hoping for another meet and I'm not up for it, I let them know as soon as I've made the decision. Even though this is primarily a sex site it's not fair for people to string others along and to waste their time, before disappearing. This isn't uncommon though and it is the nature of the game! This is why I avoid putting my eggs in too few baskets and tend to have connections with a few people at a time. " Also it's shown you are more likely to ghost if you've ghosted bizarrely. | |||
" I think it is a bit disrespectful of people's time- if I have met someone for more than a one off and I know that they are hoping for another meet and I'm not up for it, I let them know as soon as I've made the decision. Even though this is primarily a sex site it's not fair for people to string others along and to waste their time, before disappearing. " T-J this part of your post is key for me! You do form friendships on Fab, it doesn't have to mean there's a romantic connection. If you have made plans and invested energy surely it's polite to say look I've changed my mind. Of course people have the right not to do this - but then the recipient surely has the reciprocal right to think it's somewhat jack. | |||
| |||
" You do form friendships on Fab, it doesn't have to mean there's a romantic connection. If you have made plans and invested energy surely it's polite to say look I've changed my mind. Of course people have the right not to do this - but then the recipient surely has the reciprocal right to think it's somewhat jack. " Agreed. In fact, even before things get to a friendship stage, after a first meet, I have done the same when I've not wanted to meet again and they did. I don't think that you necessarily have to give an account or justify why, and if someone gives a reason it isn't necessarily THE reason. But letting people know is the good thing to do and saves people's time. | |||
" I think it is a bit disrespectful of people's time- if I have met someone for more than a one off and I know that they are hoping for another meet and I'm not up for it, I let them know as soon as I've made the decision. Even though this is primarily a sex site it's not fair for people to string others along and to waste their time, before disappearing. T-J this part of your post is key for me! You do form friendships on Fab, it doesn't have to mean there's a romantic connection. If you have made plans and invested energy surely it's polite to say look I've changed my mind. Of course people have the right not to do this - but then the recipient surely has the reciprocal right to think it's somewhat jack. " Some people lack common courtesy,being ignored/ghosted is the worst feeling. A simple fuck off is much kinder | |||
"Ghosting isn't gender based, it is done equally by and to men and women but it does involve an emotional attachment or it would be classed as a let down which is significantly different well said ...think some people forget its a swingers site and not a dating site
Jeez there’s not much here that really gets my back up... but that bloody sentence does. It IS a dating site if you want it to be. I go on dates. I meet people here that I have had relationships with (of all types). If emotional attachment starts, then it’s not “not allowed” because it started on fab.
And peace and love to all
V x
lol never said it was not allowed ???? just said its a swinging site first n formost you can fall for someone anywhere but its still a swinging site first n formost "It’s not first and foremost anything. It’s first and foremost exactly what anyone wants it to be. I choose to do my dating first and foremost through fab. V x | |||
" I think it is a bit disrespectful of people's time- if I have met someone for more than a one off and I know that they are hoping for another meet and I'm not up for it, I let them know as soon as I've made the decision. Even though this is primarily a sex site it's not fair for people to string others along and to waste their time, before disappearing. T-J this part of your post is key for me! You do form friendships on Fab, it doesn't have to mean there's a romantic connection. If you have made plans and invested energy surely it's polite to say look I've changed my mind. Of course people have the right not to do this - but then the recipient surely has the reciprocal right to think it's somewhat jack. Some people lack common courtesy,being ignored/ghosted is the worst feeling. A simple fuck off is much kinder "I have had it done to me and not given it a 2nd thought. I’ve also done it without a backward glance but for people where there has been any connection on a level other than sex then I would try to be honest and direct. Even though sometimes that’s quite hard to do. On a slightly argumentative note... if I was the woman I may have chosen ghosting as an answer as it was only one meeting and the OP probably wasn’t her total cup of tea and perhaps she just felt uncomfortable saying it. Or perhaps she worried that she might hurt his feelings. It’s a bit of a cowardly thing way to go about it but sometimes it’s just easier (on her not the OP) to do it that way. I think I can see her point of view. V x | |||
| |||
"Apologies, what is ghosting ?" When you are in a personal relationship with someone who suddenly ceases all communication for no apparent reason | |||
| |||
| |||
"I heard the phrase "ghosting", the same day i heard the phrase "Snowflake"..." Some people will never understand respect for another human being. | |||
"It’s not first and foremost anything. It’s first and foremost exactly what anyone wants it to be. I choose to do my dating first and foremost through fab. V x " yep thats ok for you as thats your choice on how to use the site but like i said to the 95% on here that dont use the forums its a swinging site first and foremost. its the same as those who say its not a sex site erm well it kinda is lol swinging is about finding and having sex with others within a lifestyle of some sort. | |||
"If a certain something happens to you on multiple occasions it's time to get introspective and figure out what YOU are doing that causes the certain something to keep occurring. Thank you, but you aren't privy to the full details and there's a world of a difference between this situation and the other (on every conceivable level). I'd hardly refer to something that's happened twice in 43 years as 'keeps occurring' either." Agreed, a 43 year gap, if you'd mentioned it (I can't be arsed to check) is hardly frequent but my comment was a general one aimed at those who have things they don't like happen to them on a regular basis. | |||
"It's worse when you fuck them regular for months then suffer severe bout of depression or extremely long abnormal period and everyone you interact with ghosts you. They make you think they care but really dont, they tell you that you mean something to them or they miss fucking them but yet still ghosted. Fab is full of fuckwits and arseholes who can't bring themselves to tell the truth. Stringing people along on lies I find utterly rude. They won't tell you they like the fantasy of looking to meet which is why they dont. They don't tell you upfront they don't want meet you any more. Because they are cowardly and fear a response. Or they think they don't want upset you but they don't figure out what they are doing is upsetting you. Think it hurts less to string you along than to tell you upfront. "Feeling your pain. People.can behave very strangely, on here and in life! | |||
x | |||
| |||
| |||
"It’s horrible, I’ve had it happen a few times. One very recently in the actual dating world. Been seeing him a couple of months, arranged for him to meet my children (his choice) he stood us all up and I’ve not heard a thing. To do it to me is bad enough but involving my children, just no. But proved a useful discussion topic for my two boys about being truthful no matter how hard it is. " What a horrible person he is. You are better off without him. | |||
"Do we owe it to casual sex partners to say goodbye? I never have; we just stopped talking and meeting. If you're also friends with them I reckon it's a nicer way to treat people " This. Just because the other person was a casual sex partner doesn't mean you have to treat them badly when you want it to end. A simple thanks it was fun but I don't want to meet any more is enough. | |||
| |||
