FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > In a dilemma.

In a dilemma.

By *bsolutebeginners OP Couple over a year ago

Planet Ork

Mrs Absolutebeginner has found out that someone she works with is on here. The person is quite open about it which is all the more worrying as it’s showing that they have a total lack of discretion. They were also bragging about visiting the same club that we use. The problem is that Mrs Absolutebeginner is in a very senior position within the public sector and if ever we encountered this person in the club or if they recognised us on here and word got out then, well who knows what the consequences could be. We’ve hidden our profile for the time being and unfortunately we will probably not visit the club again just in case we would run into them there. We were just wondering if anyone has got any other advice or if any of you have encountered this problem. We always believed that if we met anyone in the club that we knew from outside our fab life that it wouldn’t be a problem because they would want to be as discrete as us. We didn’t really envisage the possibility of bumping into someone that seems to thrive on being controversial.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The chances are sooner or later your lifestyle could become public news. Probably best is to think what issues exactly could it cause.

We had same concerns when joined the lifestyle but then sat down, read my work contract and T's and C's, thought about anything else (neighbours, friends etc) and came to conclusion that other than a bit of gossip until other news come along it wouldn't affect our life if we were outed. Wouldn't loose the job or have to move.

Doesn't mean we advertise who we are and what we do but we don't loose our sleep about possibility of being outed either.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We both have jobs it would effect so we go to clubs a little beyond our area and make a day trip of it.

I wouldn’t risk it personally, especially with the type of person your describing and the job etc. I know it may be a pain but just go to other clubs

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

So how is it that there is no problem with the colleague being on here and being open about it at work but it would be devastating for Mrs ?

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By *erby DomCouple over a year ago

Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish)

Obviously, if you the other persons account on here block it. Make sure none of your pictures have identifying features in them like faces, family photos, car reg numbers, tattoos etc.

As for the club thing, it would probably be best to just go to clubs way out of the way. Or reconsider going to clubs if you are very concerned sticking to one on one meets.

It is a bugger of a situation to be in and I feel for you.

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

We go to clubs miles away and get a hotel for night.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

"Obviously, if you the other persons account on here block it. Make sure none of your pictures have identifying features in them like faces, family photos, car reg numbers, tattoos etc.

As for the club thing, it would probably be best to just go to clubs way out of the way. Or reconsider going to clubs if you are very concerned sticking to one on one meets.

It is a bugger of a situation to be in and I feel for you."

This is good advice. You've been fortunate OP with the fact that their Liberal attitude is known to you and can create space between you and them.

The fact that they have discretion flaws that can at best prove awkward for your oh should help you both revisit your swinging outlook and make adjustments to remove the likelihood of your paths crossing less.

Sadly it might prove difficult if not impossible to totally avoid paths crossing in the semi-public arena of a club, so private one on one meets might now be your best bet of avoiding them altogether.

Best wishes for dealing with the issue and hope that you will find a solution that will help you to keep your business your own.

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By *bsolutebeginners OP Couple over a year ago

Planet Ork

"So how is it that there is no problem with the colleague being on here and being open about it at work but it would be devastating for Mrs ?"

Because the Mrs is in a senior position of authority whereas the colleague is a member of staff under her supervision.

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By *bsolutebeginners OP Couple over a year ago

Planet Ork

"Obviously, if you the other persons account on here block it. Make sure none of your pictures have identifying features in them like faces, family photos, car reg numbers, tattoos etc.

As for the club thing, it would probably be best to just go to clubs way out of the way. Or reconsider going to clubs if you are very concerned sticking to one on one meets.

It is a bugger of a situation to be in and I feel for you.

This is good advice. You've been fortunate OP with the fact that their Liberal attitude is known to you and can create space between you and them.

Best wishes for dealing with the issue and hope that you will find a solution that will help you to keep your business your own.

It is good advice, we will reevaluate our profile and photos over the next few days and see how we get on. The club environment was enjoyable for us particularly as we can’t accommodate but unfortunately it probably isn’t worth risking in future. I think a few weekends away might be on the horizon.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Obviously, if you the other persons account on here block it. Make sure none of your pictures have identifying features in them like faces, family photos, car reg numbers, tattoos etc.

As for the club thing, it would probably be best to just go to clubs way out of the way. Or reconsider going to clubs if you are very concerned sticking to one on one meets.

It is a bugger of a situation to be in and I feel for you.

This is good advice. You've been fortunate OP with the fact that their Liberal attitude is known to you and can create space between you and them.

Best wishes for dealing with the issue and hope that you will find a solution that will help you to keep your business your own.

Block them, check your pictures and change club's. Not a lot else you can do except if you see them first when out and about leave and deny everything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

From now on just leave any swinging activities to when you’re on holidays....

Swinging is a very small world, and it’s not a question of if you will run into this work colleague , but when...

So it’s better to be safe than sorry....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It should be no one else’s business but sadly some sectors will frown on you having a private life. I know of one person who used to be on fab and was a teacher who lost their job because they were a swinger, if it ever got out it would embarrass the school.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Obviously, if you the other persons account on here block it. Make sure none of your pictures have identifying features in them like faces, family photos, car reg numbers, tattoos etc.

As for the club thing, it would probably be best to just go to clubs way out of the way. Or reconsider going to clubs if you are very concerned sticking to one on one meets.

It is a bugger of a situation to be in and I feel for you.

This is good advice. You've been fortunate OP with the fact that their Liberal attitude is known to you and can create space between you and them.

Best wishes for dealing with the issue and hope that you will find a solution that will help you to keep your business your own.

Block them, check your pictures and change club's. Not a lot else you can do except if you see them first when out and about leave and deny everything."

Definitely agree with this. Always deny everything.

You're lucky you found out about them first. Good luck. x

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By *bsolutebeginners OP Couple over a year ago

Planet Ork

"Obviously, if you the other persons account on here block it. Make sure none of your pictures have identifying features in them like faces, family photos, car reg numbers, tattoos etc.

As for the club thing, it would probably be best to just go to clubs way out of the way. Or reconsider going to clubs if you are very concerned sticking to one on one meets.

It is a bugger of a situation to be in and I feel for you.

This is good advice. You've been fortunate OP with the fact that their Liberal attitude is known to you and can create space between you and them.

Best wishes for dealing with the issue and hope that you will find a solution that will help you to keep your business your own.

Block them, check your pictures and change club's. Not a lot else you can do except if you see them first when out and about leave and deny everything."

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By *adtaffladMan over a year ago

Rhyl

If you are going to discuss what happens on fabs you should not be here is my approach . People are entitled to a private life what happens on fabs or clubs stays there and I wish all people could be the same the only person you talk to is your partner . I've seen several friends on here and stay quiet and expect the same in return . Unfortunately you are in a proper awkward position xxxx

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By *ootballFlowerCouple over a year ago

Ollerton

We know that one day we will bump in to someone we know from our 'vanilla' lives and at first we were fairly worried about it.

Upon reflection we considered that swinging is not illegal, it is a lifestyle choice that some people would frown upon. 99% of employers within the UK could not do a thing to you if they found out you are a swinger, even government agencies! We have met a very wide range of professionals (coppers, teachers, firemen, media people) all of whom were in a club. With this in mind we decided that whilst we wont tell people what we do we also wouldn't deny it.

We arent as naive as to believe it would have no effect on our jobs - it might make for some awkward conversations but seriously there is fuck all they could do as long as it didnt affect our performance at work.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Find a reason to sack them?

Obviously don't do the deed yourself, so that if/when you do subsequently bump into them, you can be plausibly sympathetic.

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

"Find a reason to sack them?

Obviously don't do the deed yourself, so that if/when you do subsequently bump into them, you can be plausibly sympathetic."

I hope that was tongue in cheek.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I hope that was tongue in cheek."

So do I...

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"If you are going to discuss what happens on fabs you should not be here is my approach . People are entitled to a private life what happens on fabs or clubs stays there and I wish all people could be the same the only person you talk to is your partner . I've seen several friends on here and stay quiet and expect the same in return . Unfortunately you are in a proper awkward position xxxx"

I see no reason why someone can’t talk about their own activities. I tell friends as they like to hear but I keep places and others’ names a total secret.

Is this person just talking about personal exploits? Or is other information given away? I know people here who other friends know and I wouldn’t dream of letting it slip, even as a hint.

The advice is good though. Go clubbing away from home. I’ve been clubbing for years and have never accidentally bumped into someone I’m trying to avoid, especially if they’re open about where they are going.

V x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is talking about here a crime? Yes no-one should talk about personal details but isn't that the same in life?

To some isn't this just a part of their lives? Treated as normal?

I'm confused ...

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By *bsolutebeginners OP Couple over a year ago

Planet Ork

Being on here and swinging is not viewed as normal and is very much frowned upon or mocked in most of society.

Imagine the scenario of this person finding out that her boss was on here and the complications that could arise. The wife has worked hard to attain the position of authority at work that she is in now and it is not worth risking a potential scandal.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

"Being on here and swinging is not viewed as normal and is very much frowned upon or mocked in most of society.

If you believe its not worth the risk then that is the answer you need to listen to. We will all have different views but a risk assessment can only be done by yourselves.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Being on here and swinging is not viewed as normal and is very much frowned upon or mocked in most of society.

Oh I have a similar position work wise being very public, nationwide and in a predominately all male environment but not everyone views swinging as a secret instead it's part of their lives that's all I said!

I weighed up the pros and cons when I joined and decided to go with it.

It's not wrong it's just about how others view it ... I have met people on here who are very open about it in their lives and tbh my family and best mates know I'm on here and go to the occasional club and party as it's a part of my life not a secret but I'd never talk about anyone or situations, that is wrong here as it is with all parts of life!!

I see it not as an issue that they're talking about swinging and their life openly but whether they talk about personal details etc ... that could be an enormous problem

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By *adtaffladMan over a year ago

Rhyl

I see no reason why someone can’t talk about their own activities. I tell friends as they like to hear but I keep places and others’ names a total secret.

Is this person just talking about personal exploits? Or is other information given away? I know people here who other friends know and I wouldn’t dream of letting it slip, even as a hint.

V x "

My bad here I worded it badly as normal lol .I did mean talk about fabs to affect someone's life usually for the worse or to embarrass them. Talking about fabs and not mentioning people or places helps relive the fun lol.....

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

It would be almost impossible for any employer to take disciplinary action over an employees life style choice unless the employee is bringing their profession into disrepute (pics in identifying uniform, ID badges etc).

If that indiscreet bloke were to 'out' her in any way, all that's needed is to deny or brazen it out (I'm not a swinger but if I were, what's it got to do with you?) and then consider disciplinary action against him.

There are also lawyers out there well versed in defending cases like this.

Would it be possible to preempt the situation with a call to HR letting them know that this man is discussing his sex life in the work place?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Discretion due to work is also very important to me. If I ever slept with any of my customers, my job would be at risk. I don't swing in my own area and take care who I meet. You generally expect people on fab to be discrete in the vanilla world. Luckily you have seen him before he has seen you, so you can take precautions. Good luck OP

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

I would not worry. First off all block him, and then it’s his word against yours. Maybe change regegular clubs.

For me, I am more worried about my football events than what I get up to on here. I am often seen on tv at matches or being interview on sky in states that I shouldn’t. Luckily work know that I do football home and away so they know it can get messy.

I make sure I keep certain things away from the office discussion, including sex/football incidents/ nights out with football lads

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Someone may light-heartedly make fun of their swinging interests but still be completely trustworthy to preserve the chosen discretion and barriers that others have - you may be thinking too I'll of the colleague op and worrying about something that would not happen.

In the meantime I would roam further away so that you get minimized disruption. In the longer term you may find that you have mutual friends in common who could help you to develop a safety net. When you do encounter each other it's best to let them know your trust in them is important and that you appreciate it - rather than that you suspect their morality.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I work in the public sector in a "trusted role". I try to be discreet but as someone else pointed out I may be subject to gossip but its not going ruin anything or lose my job. My employer would not have a leg to stand on, I'm on a swingers site and enjoy sex and experimenting. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

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By *ZcoupleCouple over a year ago

Thetford

Ive come across my best friend from highschools dad and step mum

Hubs was chatting to them before i realised who they were.. we've chatted, he gave us tips on how to play the lifestyle and options we can take ect.

Hubs still wants in bfs step mums cunt though

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