FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Can you seperate sex from emotional attachment?
Can you seperate sex from emotional attachment?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If it's NSA then yes, it's just sex....if you are looking for more then it's not so easy to separate "
I can do nsa quite happily... The other involved kind of hinted at more see? |
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By *eefdoddusCouple
over a year ago
Scottish Borders |
Yes, I think it's something you have to be aware of in this lifestyle. Human nature is what it is. It hasn't happened to us but we know couples who have experienced problems when one or other of the couple has become a bit too close to someone they're playing with whether from another couple or a single person. Mayhem has ensued as a result. It's one of the reasons we don't meet local single guys among other things!
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people..."
It's possible to be 'fond' of someone in an emotional way without wanting a relationship beyond friendship. I'm find of lots of people, some that I've slept with over the years and some that are purely platonic relationships. I've also slept with people on a purely NSA basis a few times that I've never met/spoken to again and have no intention to.
Like all things in life it's down to the individuals concerned.
A |
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"I usually can, sometimes a hero instinct gets me though when they open up to me. A lot of broken women on Fab.  "
Oh gosh that’s a really sad statement “a lot of broken women on fab” and I don’t mean that in a bad way, genuinely a sad way.
Everyone has their reasons for being on fab, and they are quite diverse I have found. I would say be proud that you may have helped these ladies in some way?
I think some kind of “relationship” is inevitable when you meet people on a regular basis, but you always have to remember what this is... its sex and mutual pleasure..
as a person who wears their heart on their sleeve in normal life, I naturally grow fond of people we meet (not all but some) a mutual admiration of what we do for eachother, and being a lady who prefers to make love with two men rather than be fucked by them, can sometimes have blurred lines, but NEVER to blurred to remember why my husband and I got into swinging, for OUR pleasure.
And once that ceases to be we take a break and return to married life as normal..
I guess it’s harder for singles who are maybe looking for more but don’t really want to admit it or actually do infact don’t realise that IS what they want themselves until it happens...
It’s a difficult one to answer I think, everyone is unique and know one really knows what goes on in their heads... you just have to be honest and grounded as best you can. Fantasy is fantasy...  |
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OP it can be difficult to keep feelings under control but it is doable.
I am in a position where I am not able to have a relationship because of my caring responsibilities so I have to keep any feelings under control. It would be easy to get too close to someone when meeting regularly so I hold back and don't let people get too close and don't give away too much of myself.
I have a FB I've been meeting for over 2 years and I do have feelings for him but it's more like what I feel for my friends than any kind of romantic love. He knows pretty much everything about me by now and is the only person I've let my guard down for. Neither of us wants "more" so it works great for us both.
I have had meets where people have managed to get past my barriers and I open up much more but I have chosen not to meet them again. I can't risk getting attached to someone and getting hurt and I wouldn't want to hurt them either. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"I usually can, sometimes a hero instinct gets me though when they open up to me. A lot of broken women on Fab.
Oh gosh that’s a really sad statement “a lot of broken women on fab” and I don’t mean that in a bad way, genuinely a sad way.
Everyone has their reasons for being on fab, and they are quite diverse I have found. I would say be proud that you may have helped these ladies in some way?
I think some kind of “relationship” is inevitable when you meet people on a regular basis, but you always have to remember what this is... its sex and mutual pleasure..
as a person who wears their heart on their sleeve in normal life, I naturally grow fond of people we meet (not all but some) a mutual admiration of what we do for eachother, and being a lady who prefers to make love with two men rather than be fucked by them, can sometimes have blurred lines, but NEVER to blurred to remember why my husband and I got into swinging, for OUR pleasure.
And once that ceases to be we take a break and return to married life as normal..
I guess it’s harder for singles who are maybe looking for more but don’t really want to admit it or actually do infact don’t realise that IS what they want themselves until it happens...
It’s a difficult one to answer I think, everyone is unique and know one really knows what goes on in their heads... you just have to be honest and grounded as best you can. Fantasy is fantasy... "
It is unfortunately.
I have tried but at the end of the day you can only help people who want to be helped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Clubs are sex only, socials are sex discussions and meets, fwb's are a closer connection but they never get to the part where they are in our private life. We have strict boundaries which all agree to in order that these things don't get emotionally messy.  male |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Clubs are sex only, socials are sex discussions and meets, fwb's are a closer connection but they never get to the part where they are in our private life. We have strict boundaries which all agree to in order that these things don't get emotionally messy. male "
Yeah in a club I have no problem at all and play with multiple people on the night.
It's just so different in private when you get to know somebody a bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can easily separate sex from emotional attachment (much to my own surprise). If we see someone regularly it's necessary to like them of course but not in a romantic way."
 |
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Totally normal to become fond of someone after all you're partaking in a very intimate act, it's natural therefore to feel a connection with that person. But there are various types of affection while distinct in definition there are slight overlaps between the level of "fondness". The relationship/"fondness" you both expect should be made clear from the onset to prevent complications further down the road. |
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" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people..."
I think of you see someone regularly, then it's impossible not to develop feelings for them.
But you can chose how those feelings develop.
Setting your own personal boundaries from day 1, keeping part of yourself shut off, knowing that no matter how good it is when you're together, it's fleeting time & just enjoy that moment
There are a few people I've met here, I can say I care very deeply about, but I'll never be in love with them.
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people...
I think of you see someone regularly, then it's impossible not to develop feelings for them.
But you can chose how those feelings develop.
Setting your own personal boundaries from day 1, keeping part of yourself shut off, knowing that no matter how good it is when you're together, it's fleeting time & just enjoy that moment
There are a few people I've met here, I can say I care very deeply about, but I'll never be in love with them.
"
Cost me a club membership and meets but I know I did tried to do the right thing. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I think if you see somebody regularly then yes you can develop feelings for them it's only natural but it is more of a case of wanting to ensure they are ok, pick them up when they are down, laugh, cry general friendship feeling not a run off together feeling |
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"I think if you see somebody regularly then yes you can develop feelings for them it's only natural but it is more of a case of wanting to ensure they are ok, pick them up when they are down, laugh, cry general friendship feeling not a run off together feeling"
I agree x |
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By *Flutter-Woman
over a year ago
Not in f’kin London! |
"Totally normal to become fond of someone after all you're partaking in a very intimate act, it's natural therefore to feel a connection with that person. But there are various types of affection while distinct in definition there are slight overlaps between the level of "fondness". The relationship/"fondness" you both expect should be made clear from the onset to prevent complications further down the road. "
You explain this very well.
I have a great dynamic with my “Tiger”....we are not a couple but together we are very intimate, however despite being domme, I allow him to take my dominance and use it on me when he deserves it. But I find it hard to let go submissively as it allows my feelings to show and I don’t want to scare him off as I know he’s a free spirit. We’ve discussed this over a smoke and he’s know I try hard to remain disconnected. It’s like a gravitational pull. Arrrrgh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's when they lie and say they want more than nsa but you realise they don't after a while. That's hard. "
It's not just hard it's cruel on their part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if you see somebody regularly then yes you can develop feelings for them it's only natural but it is more of a case of wanting to ensure they are ok, pick them up when they are down, laugh, cry general friendship feeling not a run off together feeling"
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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago
swingers clubs |
We're more than happy to be friendly and become real friends with play mates as we already have done.
I guess it's easier for couples as we already have an emotional attachment to each other so we don't get attached to play mates. |
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"I think if you see somebody regularly then yes you can develop feelings for them, it's only natural but it is more of a case of wanting to ensure they are ok, pick them up when they are down, laugh, cry and a general friendship feeling, not a ‘run off together’ feeling"
Well said
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"We're more than happy to be friendly and become real friends with play mates as we already have done.
I guess it's easier for couples as we already have an emotional attachment to each other so we don't get attached to play mates."
This for us too.
Not sure it would be quite so simple as a single.
Nita |
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I can be fond of a person without any attachment issues or needyness etc...
I think I've developed a bit of a cold heart when it comes to attachment yet I do like to have a friendship rather than a fuck n go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people..."
This has happened to me before and he still wants to be in my life but I know that I would end up getting hurt. So I started pulling back the last few months, cutting contact back and seeing him less. I am still hearing from him everyday but I can't help but think that's more him wanting to keep the attachment there for sex rather than because he thinks of me as a friend. He is a decent sweet guy but I can't gage his motives so keeping my walls high. It was never supposed to be about feelings but we clicked and spent a long time meeting, became part of eachothers lives outside of fab to. I think it's inevitable when those lines are blurred. |
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" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people..."
No not at all. I’m sure Fab men are aware it’s a ‘sex site’ so why would feelings happen? |
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My last fwb was actually with an ex from my teenage year's..were really good friend's and were fond of each other but we both had needs and could switch off the feelings where sex was concerned..it was all about our needs and fun then back to being friends once we were dressed  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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This is great feedback people... I really appreciate it. You're all making me feel a bit better about myself. Ive been feeling like a fool. My trouble is I wear my heart on my sleeve. Im one of those poor sad lucky people that falls in love easily x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is great feedback people... I really appreciate it. You're all making me feel a bit better about myself. Ive been feeling like a fool. My trouble is I wear my heart on my sleeve. Im one of those poor sad lucky people that falls in love easily x"
You're not a fool at all. Falling in love easily is better than having a heart of stone.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Emotions are part of our lives, not something we turn on and off like a phone.
Without emotions how do we know we are ever going to connect with another, and if we do who benefits by us acting like we are machines that have no soul no care for others no compassion no connection beyond friction?
Yes I can have sex and detach, but if it's someone we care for why would we want to? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For true singles on here emotional attachment, feelings for others etc must be a complete minefield, for us as a couple we have developed friendships and with 2 particular ladies this has become more than that, but with other couples it’s just exactly what swinging should be, naughty sexy fun, plain and simple |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Emotions are part of our lives, not something we turn on and off like a phone.
Without emotions how do we know we are ever going to connect with another, and if we do who benefits by us acting like we are machines that have no soul no care for others no compassion no connection beyond friction?
Yes I can have sex and detach, but if it's someone we care for why would we want to?"
^^^This... We're not replicants are we? |
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By *reeMan
over a year ago
Paisley |
Yes, l find that this is true. I meet a couple, have done for three years, and a "single woman" for about the same length of time. I think it's only human nature for you to get more involved with them and their situations, and they with yours!!
What's up with that?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think if you see somebody regularly then yes you can develop feelings for them it's only natural but it is more of a case of wanting to ensure they are ok, pick them up when they are down, laugh, cry general friendship feeling not a run off together feeling"
Thats a good way of putting it. X |
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By *greygorCouple
over a year ago
birmingham |
not an issue for us.been at it a long time .fab fun is fab fun end of ,a meet is for the moment to be enjoyed or not as it comes ,no lasting love or emotion just a fleeting passing hour or two with who ever that may be . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think if you see somebody regularly then yes you can develop feelings for them it's only natural but it is more of a case of wanting to ensure they are ok, pick them up when they are down, laugh, cry general friendship feeling not a run off together feeling
Thats a good way of putting it. X"
I couldn't have put it better myself. Ive been fwb and fb with a few lassies recently and we're still friends. The honesty was there. With this one it was like the other way round though. Making out there was more when really she was just after nsa. Who knows? Maybe even she didnt. ( I didnt meet on here btw. At least we're all on the same page!)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can feel affection for someone without needing to become involved in them.
If I wasn't fond of the men I'm having sex with I wouldn't want to see them again.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can feel affection for someone without needing to become involved in them.
If I wasn't fond of the men I'm having sex with I wouldn't want to see them again.
"
Totally agree xx |
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I have a dom who is engaged to a woman and they adore each other. I do have feelings for him but do not love him, I care about him we couldn't have a dom sub relationship without trust and caring for each other |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Clubs are sex only, socials are sex discussions and meets, fwb's are a closer connection but they never get to the part where they are in our private life. We have strict boundaries which all agree to in order that these things don't get emotionally messy. male
Yeah in a club I have no problem at all and play with multiple people on the night.
It's just so different in private when you get to know somebody a bit. "
Met my knight off here.. guess I fell lucky.. great relationship.. play together at clubs.. same room..
Also he's romantic.. cuddles on sofa etc.. but then we play at Chams.. so we can separate the two.. talking is the key.. what doesn't suit with person is respected by both.
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By *iReyWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire East |
I struggle with this, in order not to get attached I dont touch or am particularly affectionate away from the bedroom, no slight brushes or kisses goodbye, no lengthy contact via texts ect. Helps me to keep it seperated in my head. |
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We just keep contact to a minimum between meets, as we found when a "single" guy fell for Caroline, he was texting her every day & constantly asking for one to ones.
It's much easier if you keep it on an almost professional level. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I delete all numbers/Kik etc after I've met someone.
I leave it to them to get back in contact if they want to meet again.
You have to be cold or you get shit all over. This happens to both men and women.
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Sometimes when fetishes are involved, we can't find a sexually compatible partner in dating websites. So in order to find someone with whom we would have the sexual practices that we desire and a long-term affair, we have to search in websites like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's different for everyone I have experience in meeting someone who I had feelings for who took it too far. It ends badly in my experience. I have friends who I have a sexual connection with as well as liking them but I draw the line at a relationship as it does not suit me I like my new freedom. |
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"I have a dom who is engaged to a woman and they adore each other. I do have feelings for him but do not love him, I care about him we couldn't have a dom sub relationship without trust and caring for each other"
Well said and one of the reasons I prefer bdsm lifestyle
Adam
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"You seem to be confusing emotion to commitment. It is easy to allow ones emotions to fully engage in a sexual experience with a stranger without committing to them in any way."
Absolutely! Well said! |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people..."
Yes, I compartmentalise very well. Helps that I'm not one of the love at first sight types.
NSA is just that and when you start blurring the lines, you are breaking the trust the other partner has put in you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This subject is very close to home for me as my bf is about to start an affair with a lady he has met yes she is married.He knows I am on here purely to fuck women. We have argued a lot as I think what he is about to do is worse than my nsa hook ups as there is going to be an emotional attachment for sure. Your unbiased opinions would be most welcome. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
" Does anyone else find that after you've met up with someone a few times you start to get fond of them? I dont mean in needy clingy sort of way but you begin to feel genuine affection towards them,especially if they open up and let you in? I've recently had my fingers burned quite badly. Im sure Im not the first and I know I wont be the last! Tell me your thoughts Fab people...
I think of you see someone regularly, then it's impossible not to develop feelings for them.
But you can chose how those feelings develop.
Setting your own personal boundaries from day 1, keeping part of yourself shut off, knowing that no matter how good it is when you're together, it's fleeting time & just enjoy that moment
There are a few people I've met here, I can say I care very deeply about, but I'll never be in love with them.
"
I agree with you. I do care a lot about some of my Fab friends. They’ve supported me through some tough times. I’m not looking for a romantic relationship but I do enjoy the company of my Fab friends and I’m there to support them too when they need it.
I’ve had some Fab friends for several years and expect I’ll make new ones and lose a few each year. I know for some Fab is purely nsa and not for making friends but it’s been full of surprises for me and the friends I’ve made. |
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"This subject is very close to home for me as my bf is about to start an affair with a lady he has met yes she is married.He knows I am on here purely to fuck women. We have argued a lot as I think what he is about to do is worse than my nsa hook ups as there is going to be an emotional attachment for sure. Your unbiased opinions would be most welcome."
I can't be unbiased as I don't know the full story. However based on what you've said here and the way you have phrased it I think he views sexual encounters with people outside of your relationship as ok whatever the gender of the people and you think its only ok if it's the same gender. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This subject is very close to home for me as my bf is about to start an affair with a lady he has met yes she is married.He knows I am on here purely to fuck women. We have argued a lot as I think what he is about to do is worse than my nsa hook ups as there is going to be an emotional attachment for sure. Your unbiased opinions would be most welcome."
Can you post it as a new thread?
Have you agreed to him fucking this woman? Has he agreed to you fucking women? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi thanks for your thoughts I probably didn’t explain it very well so apologies It’s not about gender I think I would find it easier if he was having nsa fun rather than a continued meet he says it’s not about sex which I am struggling to believe However I am also aware of my hypocrisy as I have a fb myself . |
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