FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Bisexual Remorse

Bisexual Remorse

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I wanted to share my feelings on this and if anyone has any constructive / positive thoughts or advice.

So, I’ve been having meets with other guys on and off for the last 10 years. I have a great time when playing with others, find it extremely horny and love MM fun. However, after I’ve cum or I’ve left I feel crap, and really don’t like myself.

Last month I meet a really nice guy, and had an amazing time at his place and I had one of the best guy meets I’ve had. But when I got in my car, I felt horrible and cried.

I want to shake this ‘remorse’ if that’s the correct title, as I enjoy my meets and really look forward to my next meet. But that instant remorse after I’ve met is ruining it for me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s called the empty balls syndrome.....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It might take some self examination. Can you tap into those feelings, see what might be underneath them? Something from earlier in life, perhaps?

I think bi guys get a pretty raw deal from society. Can't win in a lot of circles.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wanted to share my feelings on this and if anyone has any constructive / positive thoughts or advice.

Last month I meet a really nice guy, and had an amazing time at his place and I had one of the best guy meets I’ve had. But when I got in my car, I felt horrible and cried.

I want to shake this ‘remorse’ if that’s the correct title, as I enjoy my meets and really look forward to my next meet. But that instant remorse after I’ve met is ruining it for me.

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It might take some self examination. Can you tap into those feelings, see what might be underneath them? Something from earlier in life, perhaps?

I think bi guys get a pretty raw deal from society. Can't win in a lot of circles. "

Thank you, I’ve been trying to think back and what could be the reasons but struggling

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?"

No, unfortunately it’s pretty much after every meet. I’ve had a MMF and still felt the same and I felt really bad as the other guy was driving me home as I had been drinking too. I was just quiet the whole way home.

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Are you married and playing away?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Are you married and playing away?"

I’m not married but yes playing away, but I’ve had the feelings even when I’ve been single

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ross-eyed MaryMan over a year ago

Salisbury

"I wanted to share my feelings on this and if anyone has any constructive / positive thoughts or advice.

Last month I meet a really nice guy, and had an amazing time at his place and I had one of the best guy meets I’ve had. But when I got in my car, I felt horrible and cried.

I want to shake this ‘remorse’ if that’s the correct title, as I enjoy my meets and really look forward to my next meet. But that instant remorse after I’ve met is ruining it for me.

It's what separates a horny man from a homosexual man.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Are you married and playing away?

I’m not married but yes playing away, but I’ve had the feelings even when I’ve been single

That might explain a lot...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

A lot of people get a bit of a drop after a good meet. Is it that kind of thing?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *erryBramleyTV/TS over a year ago

I understand completely.

When I began dressing I felt so sexy and horny but after orgasm, I’d feel so ashamed and foolish.

I think it’s a gap between our fantasy and the reality.

The more one practises anything, one kinda desensitises to an extent, be it sexual or vanilla of nature.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe it's because you don't do well with sex without emotional connection? Like you're feeling guilty that you had sex with someone who is not your partner? Who you don't love/care for, who was just there because you were horny?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A lot of people get a bit of a drop after a good meet. Is it that kind of thing? "

Well yes and no, it’s more I guess. I feel crap about myself and don’t want to meet again. Until after a few weeks when I’m thinking about it again and wanting to meet another guy.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A lot of people get a bit of a drop after a good meet. Is it that kind of thing? "

This.

Or guilt, from you playing away.

Or maybe you subconsciously don't want to have "meaningless" meets anymore? Take some time to think about what you want.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I understand completely.

When I began dressing I felt so sexy and horny but after orgasm, I’d feel so ashamed and foolish.

I think it’s a gap between our fantasy and the reality.

The more one practises anything, one kinda desensitises to an extent, be it sexual or vanilla of nature.

I guess this is more accurate of my feelings, I do feel ashamed. Thank you for the comments

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A lot of people get a bit of a drop after a good meet. Is it that kind of thing?

This.

Or guilt, from you playing away.

Or maybe you subconsciously don't want to have "meaningless" meets anymore? Take some time to think about what you want. "

Thank you, I do feel guilty and hate myself afterwards. But I also felt the same when I was single for years and had regular meets with guys. It’s like I feel dirty and ashamed of myself

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Internalised homophobia is real and destructive. I'm not saying that's what it is for you, but it's worth examining.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *etitesaraTV/TS over a year ago

rochdale

"Internalised homophobia is real and destructive. I'm not saying that's what it is for you, but it's worth examining. "

This.

We've grown up in a society that actively devalues male homosexuality and re-enforces that message constantly. I think many men who meet other men for sex feel similar emotions, I know I have.

I would feel dirty/cheap/foolish etc especially if I let my horniness get the better of my common sense.

Now I have fewer meets, but with people I like.

I suppose I'm now playing like a woman rather than a horny male,

It works for me anyway.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All part of the shag cum and run syndrome men suffer from from when no love involved

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"All part of the shag cum and run syndrome men suffer from from when no love involved "

I doubt it's a universal experience.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ickygirl41Woman over a year ago

Glasgow

"I wanted to share my feelings on this and if anyone has any constructive / positive thoughts or advice.

Last month I meet a really nice guy, and had an amazing time at his place and I had one of the best guy meets I’ve had. But when I got in my car, I felt horrible and cried.

I want to shake this ‘remorse’ if that’s the correct title, as I enjoy my meets and really look forward to my next meet. But that instant remorse after I’ve met is ruining it for me.

Ok, first of all, do you do panda meets with guys or is it more than just getting off? I ask this because I had a similar reaction of feeling worthless and empty which changed when I banned panda meets. May be something to consider...

Sex is an emotional high but also a chemical one. There are lots of endorphins, adrenaline and oxytocin that our bodies produce and more so when it's a one off,new person, exciting or thrilling meet.

When we get "high" quickly then stop play suddenly then there can be an emotional crash afterwards which doesn't seem to happen as much with my xtended play/fun.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rHornyGentMan over a year ago

South London

"A lot of people get a bit of a drop after a good meet. Is it that kind of thing?

This.

Or guilt, from you playing away.

Or maybe you subconsciously don't want to have "meaningless" meets anymore? Take some time to think about what you want.

Thank you, I do feel guilty and hate myself afterwards. But I also felt the same when I was single for years and had regular meets with guys. It’s like I feel dirty and ashamed of myself

Is it what I’d call “Catholic Guilt?” Feel free to switch any religion into my comment.

I read your other forum posts and wonder if family feelings might play a part? Whatever’s going on, I’d talk to my GP and ask for a referral to a sex therapist. Alternatively if that’s too daunting then search for one online and make contact.

However you feel believe me, they will have heard it all before. #MentalHealth issues get us all at some point so don’t suffer in silence.

Good luck fella.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to feel guilty after one night stands etc and put it down to my Catholic upbringing. Society imposes so much negative stigma to casual sex, it's sometimes difficult not to feel bad afterwards. My way of getting over it was to acknowledge that all parties where consensual and no one was taken advantage off.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *m35279Woman over a year ago

belfast

It might be worth some counselling. I’m sorry this is how you’re feeling that’s sad

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A lot of people get a bit of a drop after a good meet. Is it that kind of thing?

This.

Or guilt, from you playing away.

Or maybe you subconsciously don't want to have "meaningless" meets anymore? Take some time to think about what you want.

Thank you, I do feel guilty and hate myself afterwards. But I also felt the same when I was single for years and had regular meets with guys. It’s like I feel dirty and ashamed of myself

Have you ever felt this way after meeting women or couples?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Internalised homophobia is real and destructive. I'm not saying that's what it is for you, but it's worth examining. "

That was my first thought too tbh

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP I have experienced this more times than I care to mention

The thrill of the chase and the meet was always a trade off with the feeling of self loathing I felt afterwards

It is so much more than the 'drop' that others have mentioned

You need to find a way of accepting your sexual tastes

They don't define you, despite what some would have you believe

They are part of you, not the sum of you

I now live with a guy, yet I still have times when I struggle with it

The sad thing is, it is ME that has the issue with it. No one else, ME. No one else really gives a toss.

I would be surprised if you weren't in the same boat

If I can re-assure with one thing, it is that it gets better

You will find the headspace to accept yourself, if not all of the time, then certainly most of the time

Just give it time

Oh, and thank you for sharing your story

It may well have struck chords with others feeling the same way

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP I know where you are coming from. It's the cheating and guilt bit mate. It's not great but the Bi imperative is overcoming your hetrosexuality and it's making you feel bad about it.

If your partner has no idea then it could be this which is one of the reasons. I often have urges and think it will be good at the time but you'll feel a bit shitty after so don't bother. It's not worth it. Just have a wank on Cam or something and relieve it is probably the best thing to do and have a chat with your mrs about your feelings if that's possible.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Biaexual remorse hits alot of us especially in the early stages of exploring our sexuality and coming to terms with who we are.

We are taught at an early age that male bisexuality goes against the society norm and does not fit into the stereotypical image of masculinity.

Which is total bull as sexuality and masculinity are two totally different things.

Anyway due to this subconscious learnt behaviour any sexual acts with another man can lead to shame which manifests itself in remorse.

Somewhere inside yourself you feel as if it's wrong, you'll regret it or people might not accept you because of it.

There is no instant solution. You need to make peace with yourself.

Acknowledge what you did wasn't wrong and you are content with who you are.

Fully accept that this is part of you and embrace it.

If this guilt is badly effecting your life and you aren't getting anywhere despite your efforts, you might want talk to a therapist.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That certainly applies to me; if there's an emotional connection I feel good about what I'm doing, but I have felt ashamed when uts just been because I was horny.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you feel the same about TV's? I ask because I feel like you sometimes, but not if I'm with a nice TV.

If you were told as a kid that sex with men was bad, you might have a guilt complex linked to that.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *istressZoeTV/TS over a year ago

cheshire

This is a very interesting and informative thread and I’m sure will go some way to other fabsters reading it to make sense of their own situation x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you for all the comments, a lot of good thoughts and suggestions. Some really hit the mark and more than likely true

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thank you for all the comments, a lot of good thoughts and suggestions. Some really hit the mark and more than likely true

Unused to run a bi support group and remember how I felt at the begining feel free to message if you have any questions.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Prolactin levels in the blood are increased directly after orgasm. There is increasing evidence that enhanced prolactin levels can lead to mood swings in men. Your friendly local endocrinologist will be able to help.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *DSM - CUCKOLD - COUPLECouple over a year ago

manchester

Simply just don't cum or have a ruined orgasm, keep the urge constant

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *otgirl32Woman over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

For one, society gives bi guys a raw deal so that's probably part of it. Then society also frowns on casual sex as well as extramarital (or extra relationship) sex. Yet all of them particularly casual sex are so normal (otherwise billions won't be doing it). My suggesting - embrace the idea that sex is good and normal and natural and enjoy your lovers.

On a side note you may have fears that you're changing your sexuality - I know a few bi men who became mostly gay and trust me it's normal and they are HAPPY

xoxo

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wanted to share my feelings on this and if anyone has any constructive / positive thoughts or advice.

Last month I meet a really nice guy, and had an amazing time at his place and I had one of the best guy meets I’ve had. But when I got in my car, I felt horrible and cried.

I want to shake this ‘remorse’ if that’s the correct title, as I enjoy my meets and really look forward to my next meet. But that instant remorse after I’ve met is ruining it for me.

Took me years to get over this feeling and it came with acceptance of my sexuality

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Excellent intelligent thread here. It's good to see it's not just me that struggles with it

Seems to get harder the older I get. Hoping Mrs N is as understanding as to what drives me to do more and more CD stuff, even though I know I look ridiculous when doing it. There it goes again. Feeling guilty. Dohhhhh.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Excellent intelligent thread here. It's good to see it's not just me that struggles with it

Like most things if it makes you feel good don't worry about how others my think of you.

Some will be understanding and some will not so the only thing g that really matters is that you are doing great it for you x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *he Sex PistolsCouple over a year ago

wirral

We are both Bi but Mr only recently for the first time. It took a few weeks to be ok with it, I felt disgusted afterwards the first few times, but now I don't give it a second thought.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are both Bi but Mr only recently for the first time. It took a few weeks to be ok with it, I felt disgusted afterwards the first few times, but now I don't give it a second thought.

This is us all I think... I don’t think about it now

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think this is uncommon so you are not alone in feeling this way OP. I recommend you contact the LGBT helpline via phone or email. It's anonymous as they can help with issues like this. It's better to talk to people who know what you are going though and a problem shared is good.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are both Bi but Mr only recently for the first time. It took a few weeks to be ok with it, I felt disgusted afterwards the first few times, but now I don't give it a second thought.

I guess I am just a person with hang ups. Damn Catholicism LOL. I do think it has something to do with the way I am.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It helps hearing that others feel or have felt the same and have overcome these feelings.

Some great input and certainly making me thing, it’s ok and I should enjoy my sexual urges and where ever that may take me x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't really have anything to add except how awful is it that society makes us feel this way for having needs. Normal consensual needs. It's really sad.

Big massive hugs for anyone that wants one x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How refreshing to see a brilliant and supportive thread...well done everyone...a lot of what has been said will help a lot of people.

I have actually had my faith restored in Fab after reading the OPs post and all the responses.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *woforone2025Couple (MM) over a year ago

Dublin

"Internalised homophobia is real and destructive. I'm not saying that's what it is for you, but it's worth examining. "

I's say you're struggling with being bi...and haven't been able to accept it. Were you're parents/friends homophobic? Is your partner accepting of bisexuality? Were you brought up being told that being was somehow dirty or deviant? Are you or were a church goer? that takes it in the same direction!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Are you married and playing away?

I’m not married but yes playing away, but I’ve had the feelings even when I’ve been single

First thing you should do if your playing away and feeling guilty is delete your profile and talk to your partner. Secondly you need to come to terms with your own sexuality and be honest with your partner. Only then can you decide what to do but at the moment I think anyone would agree FAB is not a good place for you to be at this time.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I also have the same thoughts.

I havent met with many guys at all but I think mine stems from not feeling that it’s ok to meet men, I don’t know how to tell those I love the most, it’s been the ruin of 70/80% of my relationships as I don’t feel like I’m me.

I suppose by being closed with ones self is where the saddness comes from

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

Do you have any chill time afterwards to sit and relax with the person you’ve met or is it play and go? I enjoy some winding down time after playing.

I have a bi friend and he experiences the guilt as well. He’s also worried people find out about his bi secret.

I’d agree with previous comments about religious upbringing and stereotypes. Find someone you can talk to and get some counselling. There may be some underlying reason causing your distress.

It may help to find a regular guy to play with so that you can have the aftercare such as a massage, cuddles and a chat afterwards. It helps you wind down rather than just leaving after a meet.

Good luck Fx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I truly sympathise with the OP;

I am genuinely happily married, with a great sex life at home - I am also Bisexual and on sister site - I would class myself as a male tart really lol - because I enjoy good clean honest MM sexy fun - my first was/is bisexual and we always played as bi couple; my 2nd wife does not know I am Bisexual (although I think she suspects as she plays me wicked in role play lol )

In my early day's playing solo I to felt guilty and remorseful after MM sex, but I was/am sex mad and took a balanced view

Deep breaths OP - if you like/enjoy it, stay safe/play safe and go with the flow

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Are you married and playing away?

I’m not married but yes playing away, but I’ve had the feelings even when I’ve been single

The OP has said he has had these feelings even when he was single so playing away is not the route cause but it may well exacerbate his feelings of guilt. The guilt issue needs to be addressed to determine the true cause. Accepting you are bisexual is incredibly difficult for some and suppressing acceptance does not remove the desires that being bi creates in my experience. If anyone is struggling with acceptance they should seek help to discuss their personal issues and concerns. You are not a weak person if you do seek help indeed quite the opposite is true. Failure to get help and advice can lead to serious mental health issues which is why I said earlier, it is good to seek help from organisations like the LGBT helpline and talking is good.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe it's because you don't do well with sex without emotional connection? Like you're feeling guilty that you had sex with someone who is not your partner? Who you don't love/care for, who was just there because you were horny? "

yeah

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also have the same thoughts.

I suppose by being closed with ones self is where the saddness comes from

That makes me really sad, but I can associate with it as well

I keep a good deal of my life away from my family

That adds to the feelings of guilt

My ex-Mrs knew I was bi and knew for a good number of years that I had a male FB

I felt guilty about that too, despite having full consent

As I said in a previous post, a lot of my problems are internalised, but despite that, I know who and what I am

I'm just not ready for my ta-da moment

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It may help to find a regular guy to play with so that you can have the aftercare such as a massage, cuddles and a chat afterwards. It helps you wind down rather than just leaving after a meet.

That is such a daunting thought

Most of my meets with guys were quick and tbh I couldn't get out quick enough most of the time

I met tens of guys (if not hundreds) and I would say I was comfy enough with maybe 3 to stick around afterwards or to have a brew with them before play started

That led to other head fucks, like me missing them and forming bonds in my head but never acting on them.

Fair point though. It may well just work for the OP

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arl17Man over a year ago

Central Portugal

Guessing this isn’t the first time you have felt like that?

Is it guy /guy meets only? Or have you had MMF and felt the same way?

I just want to enjoy the whole experience, even after the event

Are you married and playing away?

I’m not married but yes playing away, but I’ve had the feelings even when I’ve been single

Good advice if you need it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also have the same thoughts.

I suppose by being closed with ones self is where the saddness comes from

That makes me really sad, but I can associate with it as well

I keep a good deal of my life away from my family

That adds to the feelings of guilt

My ex-Mrs knew I was bi and knew for a good number of years that I had a male FB

I felt guilty about that too, despite having full consent

As I said in a previous post, a lot of my problems are internalised, but despite that, I know who and what I am

I'm just not ready for my ta-da moment "

Why should there be a ta-da moment? Why do they need to know your private life?

I think the whole 'coming out' thing is what makes people feel sad. Sexuality is irrelevant to everyone else.

You can't go back in the closet. But why is there even a 'closet'. Being non-straight is no-one else's business.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also have the same thoughts.

I suppose by being closed with ones self is where the saddness comes from

That makes me really sad, but I can associate with it as well

I keep a good deal of my life away from my family

That adds to the feelings of guilt

My ex-Mrs knew I was bi and knew for a good number of years that I had a male FB

I felt guilty about that too, despite having full consent

As I said in a previous post, a lot of my problems are internalised, but despite that, I know who and what I am

I'm just not ready for my ta-da moment

Why should there be a ta-da moment? Why do they need to know your private life?

I think the whole 'coming out' thing is what makes people feel sad. Sexuality is irrelevant to everyone else.

You can't go back in the closet. But why is there even a 'closet'. Being non-straight is no-one else's business. "

It's not so much the ta-da, it's the not being fully open bit that eats away - keeping things back, not sharing things I'd like to, having to think 10 steps ahead before I open my mouth, it just gets tiring.

Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly happy and 95% of the time I sail through life carefree, without so much as a second thought. It's just the other 5%, I need to find peace with.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

In the words of tom jones, It's not unusual.

Read up on postcoital dysphoria and see if that helps to explain it.

If you're playing away that's possibly more relevant in your case.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also have the same thoughts.

I suppose by being closed with ones self is where the saddness comes from

That makes me really sad, but I can associate with it as well

I keep a good deal of my life away from my family

That adds to the feelings of guilt

My ex-Mrs knew I was bi and knew for a good number of years that I had a male FB

I felt guilty about that too, despite having full consent

As I said in a previous post, a lot of my problems are internalised, but despite that, I know who and what I am

I'm just not ready for my ta-da moment

Why should there be a ta-da moment? Why do they need to know your private life?

I think the whole 'coming out' thing is what makes people feel sad. Sexuality is irrelevant to everyone else.

You can't go back in the closet. But why is there even a 'closet'. Being non-straight is no-one else's business.

Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly happy and 95% of the time I sail through life carefree, without so much as a second thought. It's just the other 5%, I need to find peace with."

Ok that makes sense. Like sharing relationship things. Being able to talk about holidays you've been on etc.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

No in the same way no, with a FM meet it’s guilt and not the shame / disgust I feel etc

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

No in the same way no, with a FM meet it’s guilt and not the shame / disgust I feel etc"

i will be honest

when we was younger was was told m/m f/f/ etc wasnt clean etc and the bible i think it says that. and we was taught that should be m/f

i think thats whats screwing u up if im honest.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

No in the same way no, with a FM meet it’s guilt and not the shame / disgust I feel etc

i will be honest

when we was younger was was told m/m f/f/ etc wasnt clean etc and the bible i think it says that. and we was taught that should be m/f

i think thats whats screwing u up if im honest.

Maybe, although I’m not from a religious background or really been to church etc

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

No in the same way no, with a FM meet it’s guilt and not the shame / disgust I feel etc

i will be honest

when we was younger was was told m/m f/f/ etc wasnt clean etc and the bible i think it says that. and we was taught that should be m/f

i think thats whats screwing u up if im honest.

Maybe, although I’m not from a religious background or really been to church etc "

u havent got to be. for years we was told male and female love marriage etc and same sex is bad.

its only last 15 years its become more acceptable

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

No in the same way no, with a FM meet it’s guilt and not the shame / disgust I feel etc

i will be honest

when we was younger was was told m/m f/f/ etc wasnt clean etc and the bible i think it says that. and we was taught that should be m/f

i think thats whats screwing u up if im honest.

Maybe, although I’m not from a religious background or really been to church etc

u havent got to be. for years we was told male and female love marriage etc and same sex is bad.

its only last 15 years its become more acceptable "

Very true and I do feel dirty and embarrassed after meeting guys

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"do you feel it on a f/m meet?

or just a m/m meet

No in the same way no, with a FM meet it’s guilt and not the shame / disgust I feel etc

i will be honest

when we was younger was was told m/m f/f/ etc wasnt clean etc and the bible i think it says that. and we was taught that should be m/f

i think thats whats screwing u up if im honest.

Maybe, although I’m not from a religious background or really been to church etc

u havent got to be. for years we was told male and female love marriage etc and same sex is bad.

its only last 15 years its become more acceptable

Very true and I do feel dirty and embarrassed after meeting guys

you need to deal with that, or will hinder you for all your meets etc.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Op you feel guilty for enjoying yourself and think what your doing is wrong I bet u believe you should be in a mf relationship as that's what's considered as mormal

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Perhaps you need to take a break and focus on yiyr relationship OP. Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *he Sex PistolsCouple over a year ago

wirral

Although I consider myself bisexual now, it's not something I'd ever tell anyone other than my partner and guys we meet. The thought of a relationship with a guy doesn't appeal to me what so ever, for me it's purely sexual.

But I do think that what people would think if they found out added to my feelings of disgust after a meet. After a while of thinking it over I eventually come to terms with it. It's taken me 12 months to figure out that it's ok to enjoy it. We recently enjoyed a Bi night at a club and it felt good to be somewhere were no one judged me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Although I consider myself bisexual now, it's not something I'd ever tell anyone other than my partner and guys we meet. The thought of a relationship with a guy doesn't appeal to me what so ever, for me it's purely sexual.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uckymooMan over a year ago

Mid-Cheshire

Ohh come on!!

Its done now you sound like a Remainer who voted leave.

You’re now a Bi Guy suggest you embrace it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rettyLittleThingWoman over a year ago

Swansea

Some of the advice has been really lovely and excellent on this thread, it does sound like maybe you need to speak to someone maybe if not a therapist, email or call a helpline (someone suggested towards the start) just to get your feelings out as if youre going through this alone it can be hard.

I've always had what you call a sub drop after more sub/dom sessions but never have I felt embarressed or dirty about it as I've enjoyed myself and its been built up to a fantastic thing.

You should never feel dirty about your sexuality and what you enjoy. Best of luck.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *andy6677Man over a year ago

crewe

It's not easy being bi i should know i had similar a few years back when single and meeting guys you feel cheap as theres hardly much love or emotion involved with guys. Like you i had a great time with one guy in particular and felt crap after he left more because i had feelings for him so decided to look at a relationship first one was a disaster she was negative and ultimately cheated on me so that did my self esteem no good at all. I then was contacted by my current girlfriend and things been great as not because shes trans but like me shes bi and understands what that means. Alot of bi guys play away because they have partners that are not bi or would give them permission to play with others. Thankfully mine does as she has a friend she plays with so wrong for me not to have same with a guy. Hope you have the help you need to get over your feelings and enjoy meets again.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I also have the same thoughts.

I suppose by being closed with ones self is where the saddness comes from

That makes me really sad, but I can associate with it as well

I keep a good deal of my life away from my family

That adds to the feelings of guilt

My ex-Mrs knew I was bi and knew for a good number of years that I had a male FB

I felt guilty about that too, despite having full consent

As I said in a previous post, a lot of my problems are internalised, but despite that, I know who and what I am

I'm just not ready for my ta-da moment

Why should there be a ta-da moment? Why do they need to know your private life?

I think the whole 'coming out' thing is what makes people feel sad. Sexuality is irrelevant to everyone else.

You can't go back in the closet. But why is there even a 'closet'. Being non-straight is no-one else's business.

Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly happy and 95% of the time I sail through life carefree, without so much as a second thought. It's just the other 5%, I need to find peace with.

Ok that makes sense. Like sharing relationship things. Being able to talk about holidays you've been on etc. "

Yup, totally that and the fact my parents worry about me being single and lonely when I'm far from either.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ames WhyteMan over a year ago

Near Manchester Airport

Took me a long time to come to terms. Had a long chat with my partner and told her I couldn't live a lie, although she knew about my leanings. She is the love of my life and so I was risking a lot but, thankfully, she was totally understanding. The recent untimely death of a close friend has also put things in perspective, ie. life is too short. I've celebrated by getting my nipples pierced and Will be having a bi crescent moon tattoo done early in the New Year. Happy to talk to anyone who Feel at odds with Where they find themselves.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hades Of GreyMan over a year ago

Leeds

As the first to answer your question at the top of this string says: "it's the empty balls syndrome". I think it's a natural reaction to ejaculation that stops one wanting to carry on shagging ad-infinitum. It goes away after a short period. I guess your reaction is at the top of the scale. Try to 'not' ejaculate, I bet you'd feel great as you left, and gagging for more.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Women can get this too. Sexuality can be shit. You can't change it.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ames WhyteMan over a year ago

Near Manchester Airport

And yet empty balls never strikes in a mf scenario in my experience.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arl17Man over a year ago

Central Portugal

"Took me a long time to come to terms. Had a long chat with my partner and told her I couldn't live a lie, although she knew about my leanings. She is the love of my life and so I was risking a lot but, thankfully, she was totally understanding. The recent untimely death of a close friend has also put things in perspective, ie. life is too short. I've celebrated by getting my nipples pierced and Will be having a bi crescent moon tattoo done early in the New Year. Happy to talk to anyone who Feel at odds with Where they find themselves."

Best way... onwards and upwards

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eddonistikMan over a year ago

Manchester

A fascinating thread and some very interesting and constructive thoughts. I used to feel the same myself however these days I'm okay with things. As said by others bi guys do seem to get a bad deal, I get the impression that it's a lot more acceptable to be fully gay than it is to be bi. All I can say is if you do really enjoy your bi meets carry on with them, hopefully like others and you'll get to accept yourself and your needs and get over the guilt.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *bi_scotlandTV/TS over a year ago

Glasgow

In my own experience it's something that goes in time. I've posted previously that my own first bi experience was in the back of someone's van on a Satuday night. I remember sitting afterwards in lingerie and heels with a strangers cum over me thinking that my mates were less than a mile away, down the pub on the pull and I was doing this. I felt really embarrassed and decided I was never doing it again. But alas, a few weeks later...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eddonistikMan over a year ago

Manchester

"In my own experience it's something that goes in time. I've posted previously that my own first bi experience was in the back of someone's van on a Satuday night. I remember sitting afterwards in lingerie and heels with a strangers cum over me thinking that my mates were less than a mile away, down the pub on the pull and I was doing this. I felt really embarrassed and decided I was never doing it again. But alas, a few weeks later..."

Looking at your profile Abi I don't think "alas" is the right way of describing your feelings now

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *bi_scotlandTV/TS over a year ago

Glasgow

Looking at your profile Abi I don't think "alas" is the right way of describing your feelings now

lol, the urge was stronger than the shame

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eddonistikMan over a year ago

Manchester

Looking at your profile Abi I don't think "alas" is the right way of describing your feelings now

lol, the urge was stronger than the shame

Whenever I felt it I would remember my first full bisexual experiences were in threesomes with my then girlfriend and my best friend. She encouraged us in mutual cocksucking as it really turned her on and made her more horny. It was a good way of reminding me of why I enjoyed being bisexual

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/12/18 21:22:02]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Excellent intelligent thread here. It's good to see it's not just me that struggles with it

I sometimes wear lingerie, I also in the cold light of day look ridiculous.... but in my minds eye I'm sex on legs

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that you get to a point and realise there is no 'normal' .. for me this opens a new world..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eddonistikMan over a year ago

Manchester

"Excellent intelligent thread here. It's good to see it's not just me that struggles with it

I sometimes wear lingerie, I also in the cold light of day look ridiculous.... but in my minds eye I'm sex on legs

I like the lingerie, stockings and suspenders, sometimes hold ups, knickers and the odd time a basque, I know I don't look sexy. However the feeling of the feminine underwear really does turn me on, especially the stockings and knickers.

When I had a fairly brief incarnation as a T-Girl, different name, wore a wig, skirt, bra and blouse etc, a few people saw me and enjoyed their time with me I was never convincing which seemed like the crucial thing to me.

I still wear some of the underwear etc if another person is good with it great, it makes me hornier.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eddonistikMan over a year ago

Manchester

I think that you get to a point and realise there is no 'normal' .. for me this opens a new world.."

In my case certainly not new, but definitely good fun

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ung_londonMan over a year ago

London

Some really thoughtful stuff on here and a reminder to me that we’re all on different journeys, with ups and downs as we discover who we are and connect with other people in ways which might be good for us at that moment - but sometimes aren’t. Or maybe they’re tough at the time but work out to be for the best. Being interested in sex and having fun doesn’t have to mean being hurtful to each other, after all...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *picyminxWoman over a year ago

Huntingdon

Just throwing this out there, do you think their could be any signs of this behaviour being addiction linked? Was just thinking about this, often the chase and the intrigue, the excitement and anticipation is fabulous then once the event has happened people tend to crash and hit a low x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eddonistikMan over a year ago

Manchester

"Just throwing this out there, do you think their could be any signs of this behaviour being addiction linked? Was just thinking about this, often the chase and the intrigue, the excitement and anticipation is fabulous then once the event has happened people tend to crash and hit a low x "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic