FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Speaking in Clubs
Speaking in Clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi,
We are fairly new to this and whatever has happened in clubs has kind of happened upstairs off the cuff. We have had some fun and will be continuing and learning more 
We did manage to speak to a few people in a general sense to see what they had done/were looking for, but ever plucked up the courage to ask them if they wanted to join us.
Likewise there were some couples who we would have liked to speak to, thought they were hot etc, but didn’t want to blatantly walk over and say it without looking like a desperate idiot.
What we were wondering is are there any tips when visiting clubs from some more experienced members to focus our efforts or to give people an indication that we are interested?
We have moved around a bit whilst being in a club to socialise a bit more and made sure that we try to smile and be friendly looking as people pass us etc. |
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Rather than go up to a couple and say they look hot, make general conversation with them first like have you been to this club before or have you been to any other clubs. Then say we are going to play later and you would be welcome to join us then move away so they have chance to discuss between themselves if they want to or not. |
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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago
swingers clubs |
"Rather than go up to a couple and say they look hot, make general conversation with them first like have you been to this club before or have you been to any other clubs. Then say we are going to play later and you would be welcome to join us then move away so they have chance to discuss between themselves if they want to or not. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We wouldn’t dream at being so forward and saying you look hot etc, however completely accept your suggestion that when speaking we could drop the subtle feel free to join us later x
Any other tips xxxx ? Thanks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like it when I'm in the bar area and couples or a single females say to me. "I do hope we get chance to see you in the play rooms later on .. It's a lovely polite way to say there's some interest. If not then no harm in saying is there?  |
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By *rtyPartyCouple
over a year ago
Torbay area |
"Rather than go up to a couple and say they look hot, make general conversation with them first like have you been to this club before or have you been to any other clubs. Then say we are going to play later and you would be welcome to join us then move away so they have chance to discuss between themselves if they want to or not. "
Perfect |
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Just got to get stuck in and say 'Hi' to people. We found this hard at first too but if you don't put yourselves out there you tend to get left behind. It does get easier with practice. We used to egg each on 'Wow she hot let's go talk to them, your turn wink' that sort of thing.
If you get talking to people you are interested just say 'we would like to go through to the play areas if you would like to join us please do' then they know you are interested but have the option to say 'we will be through later' or similar.
Most of all let people know you are having a great time, smile a lot and male eye contact and they will be much more responsive.
Well it's worked for us anyway lol. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate. |
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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago
Z'ha'dum |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate. "
How does a wristband help? |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help? "
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice. |
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"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help? "
Yep what will the wristbands do? |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Yep what will the wristbands do? "
^^^^ |
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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago
Z'ha'dum |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice."
Usually its the locker key on the wristbands, but I suppose if someone has a key fetish it might bring them over for a chat |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice.
Usually its the locker key on the wristbands, but I suppose if someone has a key fetish it might bring them over for a chat "
No you dope, like a colour key.
E.G. Green = couples only etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Rather than go up to a couple and say they look hot, make general conversation with them first like have you been to this club before or have you been to any other clubs. Then say we are going to play later and you would be welcome to join us then move away so they have chance to discuss between themselves if they want to or not. "
It's rare that a poster with a question can get everything they need to know from the first answer, but this is one of those times! |
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"Hi,
We are fairly new to this and whatever has happened in clubs has kind of happened upstairs off the cuff. We have had some fun and will be continuing and learning more
We did manage to speak to a few people in a general sense to see what they had done/were looking for, but ever plucked up the courage to ask them if they wanted to join us.
Likewise there were some couples who we would have liked to speak to, thought they were hot etc, but didn’t want to blatantly walk over and say it without looking like a desperate idiot.
What we were wondering is are there any tips when visiting clubs from some more experienced members to focus our efforts or to give people an indication that we are interested?
We have moved around a bit whilst being in a club to socialise a bit more and made sure that we try to smile and be friendly looking as people pass us etc. "
Great post, we have debated this for hours!
Finding a couple that we both fancy is tricky and then going over, striking up conversation and then suggesting playing is even harder. With varying success, once in conversation we have simple said “we are going to play in a room, you are welcome to join us”, that way there is no pressure. |
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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago
Z'ha'dum |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice.
Usually its the locker key on the wristbands, but I suppose if someone has a key fetish it might bring them over for a chat No you dope, like a colour key.
E.G. Green = couples only etc"
Oh I see so, I get you now. So what does pink equal? |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice.
Usually its the locker key on the wristbands, but I suppose if someone has a key fetish it might bring them over for a chat No you dope, like a colour key.
E.G. Green = couples only etc
Oh I see so, I get you now. So what does pink equal? "
Pink= how the fuck should I know haha.
Would have to be determined by the club. A universal key would be good in clubs as not to confuse people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice.
Usually its the locker key on the wristbands, but I suppose if someone has a key fetish it might bring them over for a chat No you dope, like a colour key.
E.G. Green = couples only etc"
Don't worry some of us know what you mean. Wish there was a colour coded system in place. Especially a colour for bbw friendly.
So hard as a single lady anyway but worse when your bigger. Don't want to offend anyone by suggesting they would be interested in me so tend to only go to bbw events. Of course anyone can still attend and some do not check the website so you still end up approaching people who are not interested in bigger people on what is a bbw event night 
I encountered one man who really made disparaging remarks about big women at a bbw event so I asked him why did he come, the reply, I came on a whim and did not know there was an event on...he still tried to have sex with me though so I told him where to go! Unbelievable really! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people "
So you have been to a club or party that used them? If so did people understand the coding....as that would help! In what way did they not help you identify people looking for the same thing as you.
....and yes you still need to be brave but knowing someone is bbw friendly or that a man is bi would be really helpful to a bbw or a bi man when wanting to approach someone. |
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"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people
So you have been to a club or party that used them? If so did people understand the coding....as that would help! In what way did they not help you identify people looking for the same thing as you.
....and yes you still need to be brave but knowing someone is bbw friendly or that a man is bi would be really helpful to a bbw or a bi man when wanting to approach someone."
Yes we've been to a number of club's that use them and swingfields that used them.
Each event, each colour means a different thing and in our experience people never really remember which colour means what. It usually leads to a discussion on what the colour on the wrist means. Then they'll say something like 'I'm Bi' so you could have just asked in the first place without the band.
To be honest if you are at any event and someone is rude they have no business being there.
Xx |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
We used to find the line 'so are you guys on Fab?' was a good icebreaker.
Occasionally you'd discover you'd either chatted via message before or posted on the same forum threads and that sparked conversations. From then it was quite easy to say 'we're off to a room' and wait to see if they followed or vice versa. Hanging around the bar or the smoking area (whether you actually smoked or not) seemed to be the busiest places for socialising and banter.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My Mrs has a motor mouth which helps no end . We’ve never purposely approach anybody though. Our experience is fairly limited but it’s always just kind of happened for us. |
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"Hi,
We are fairly new to this and whatever has happened in clubs has kind of happened upstairs off the cuff. We have had some fun and will be continuing and learning more
We did manage to speak to a few people in a general sense to see what they had done/were looking for, but ever plucked up the courage to ask them if they wanted to join us.
Likewise there were some couples who we would have liked to speak to, thought they were hot etc, but didn’t want to blatantly walk over and say it without looking like a desperate idiot.
What we were wondering is are there any tips when visiting clubs from some more experienced members to focus our efforts or to give people an indication that we are interested?
We have moved around a bit whilst being in a club to socialise a bit more and made sure that we try to smile and be friendly looking as people pass us etc.
Great post, we have debated this for hours!
Finding a couple that we both fancy is tricky and then going over, striking up conversation and then suggesting playing is even harder. With varying success, once in conversation we have simple said “we are going to play in a room, you are welcome to join us”, that way there is no pressure. "
Great approach  we have arranged to meet people before which works some of the time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people"
True, but gives an indication on what people might be looking for and great as an ice breaker. There used to be a universal system for special wristband nights at clubs. I have not been for a long time so not sure if they still do them.
Green - Seasoned and looking to play. Those were generally easier to approach or they made the first move.
Blue - Bisexual
Red - Approach with caution. Newbie/first timers. Not really at the club with intention to play, but happy to socialise and watch. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Libs works well green for approach by couples only although they like to chat to single guys
Yellow means they are a bi fem couple and are int in chatting +poss playing with the same
Single guy here but do attend with my naughty fwb now and again
Very classy +respectful place liberty elite is,no pestering or following etc. Ideal couples playground tbh jay x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Great comments all of them! Thankyou so much. "
Your welcome
Swinging can be as hard or as easy as you want it to be.more you try sometimes the less it works.Just be yourself and the swinging will come jx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great comments all of them! Thankyou so much. "
Checkout my recent posts.one today one about a year and a half ago and this is a single guy on the scene (is fab a bag of shite lol)you'll find your way I'm sure of it) |
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"Rather than go up to a couple and say they look hot, make general conversation with them first like have you been to this club before or have you been to any other clubs. Then say we are going to play later and you would be welcome to join us then move away so they have chance to discuss between themselves if they want to or not.
It's rare that a poster with a question can get everything they need to know from the first answer, but this is one of those times! "
Absolutely agree with this, it's about acknowledgement of others. Some people have their own ways of communicating that may require them to have a moment or two of "us time" to confirm that they are both comfortable with the offer/suggestion. There's little point in being inpatient, as their default position is (as is ours) we want to discuss this briefly, understand that and there's a better chance of things happening, but thanks for leaving us an opportunity to back away, at least one of us isn't feeling it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I like the direct approach.
‘Hi. You’re husband is really hot. Can I borrow him please?’
I’m sure their husbands briefly think something about ‘not being a possession’ but that quickly passes as he gets hard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On the subject of wristband we have found it helps with filtering out those who don’t interest you. For us we have no intention of ever playing with single men so find they don’t approach us but have noticed they definitely approach those who indicate that’s what they are looking for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people Yeah it takes balls "
Yes and it doesn't guarantee attraction |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people Yeah it takes balls
Yes and it doesn't guarantee attraction "
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"On the subject of wristband we have found it helps with filtering out those who don’t interest you. For us we have no intention of ever playing with single men so find they don’t approach us but have noticed they definitely approach those who indicate that’s what they are looking for"
Yeah exactly I don't wanna waste mine or their time if they're not looking for single guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people Yeah it takes balls
Yes and it doesn't guarantee attraction You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
Eh? |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people Yeah it takes balls
Yes and it doesn't guarantee attraction You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Eh? "
If you don't try you won't know basically. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never really found that colour coded bands help to be honest. Still gotta be brave and go talk to people Yeah it takes balls
Yes and it doesn't guarantee attraction You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Eh? If you don't try you won't know basically."
Oh I see. Yes agree with that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We find the best place to get chatting is the couples bed. We aren't the best at approaching people in the bar areas but once we get started in the play rooms it becomes far easier. Sasha seems to have something that attracts people's gaze, must be her eyes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seen this a lot. This is why wristbands are a good idea!
Amazing that so many shy people attend swingers clubs. 4 way attraction is not easy I know but you have to make a move otherwise it's stalemate.
How does a wristband help?
Well if they have a key for the wristbands it can give insight into what people are looking for and help break the ice.
Usually its the locker key on the wristbands, but I suppose if someone has a key fetish it might bring them over for a chat No you dope, like a colour key.
E.G. Green = couples only etc
Don't worry some of us know what you mean. Wish there was a colour coded system in place. Especially a colour for bbw friendly.
So hard as a single lady anyway but worse when your bigger. Don't want to offend anyone by suggesting they would be interested in me so tend to only go to bbw events. Of course anyone can still attend and some do not check the website so you still end up approaching people who are not interested in bigger people on what is a bbw event night
I encountered one man who really made disparaging remarks about big women at a bbw event so I asked him why did he come, the reply, I came on a whim and did not know there was an event on...he still tried to have sex with me though so I told him where to go! Unbelievable really!"
What a douch bag xx |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"On the subject of wristband we have found it helps with filtering out those who don’t interest you. For us we have no intention of ever playing with single men so find they don’t approach us but have noticed they definitely approach those who indicate that’s what they are looking for
Yeah exactly I don't wanna waste mine or their time if they're not looking for single guys. "
Yeah but its not all about getting your end away. Surly its nice to be sociable and talk to people for no other reason than just talking. |
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Bands would be OK, but bi sexual doesn't mean the wife finds all women attractive.
So either way people are going to have to talk and face possible rejection.
It is difficult and can take us a while to work up to it.
I think generally if people start talking to you in the bar area, there is some initial interest. The last time we went to cupids the Mrs found a couple of single guys very hot, but as they were socialising together she did not want to walk in between them all and try to peel one of them away.
She is brave but not to that extent.
We usually use the have you been here before technique, or how long have you been swinging, or I love that outfit etc.
Even from people who were clearly not into us sexually, we've never had a rude response and people will chat for a couple of minutes. If we get the impression that we are not their type we will leave them by saying we are going to have a look around or get another drink (that last one does not really work if you are still at the bar).
Its always going to be a bit exciting / nervous as no one really likes being turned down. But we've met some fantastic people just by starting with... Hi |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"On the subject of wristband we have found it helps with filtering out those who don’t interest you. For us we have no intention of ever playing with single men so find they don’t approach us but have noticed they definitely approach those who indicate that’s what they are looking for
Yeah exactly I don't wanna waste mine or their time if they're not looking for single guys.
Yeah but its not all about getting your end away. Surly its nice to be sociable and talk to people for no other reason than just talking. "
Yeah touché.
I have networked and had meets after from just talking.
Some it would be like trying to get blood out of a stone though and if they see they weren't your first choice it can affect the rest of your night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the subject of wristband we have found it helps with filtering out those who don’t interest you. For us we have no intention of ever playing with single men so find they don’t approach us but have noticed they definitely approach those who indicate that’s what they are looking for
Yeah exactly I don't wanna waste mine or their time if they're not looking for single guys.
Yeah but its not all about getting your end away. Surly its nice to be sociable and talk to people for no other reason than just talking. Yeah touché.
I have networked and had meets after from just talking.
Some it would be like trying to get blood out of a stone though and if they see they weren't your first choice it can affect the rest of your night."
Quite rightly so. If I'm not someone's first choice they can fuck right off. I'm not very good at being second or third best (or worse)! |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"Bands would be OK, but bi sexual doesn't mean the wife finds all women attractive.
So either way people are going to have to talk and face possible rejection.
It is difficult and can take us a while to work up to it.
I think generally if people start talking to you in the bar area, there is some initial interest. The last time we went to cupids the Mrs found a couple of single guys very hot, but as they were socialising together she did not want to walk in between them all and try to peel one of them away.
She is brave but not to that extent.
We usually use the have you been here before technique, or how long have you been swinging, or I love that outfit etc.
Even from people who were clearly not into us sexually, we've never had a rude response and people will chat for a couple of minutes. If we get the impression that we are not their type we will leave them by saying we are going to have a look around or get another drink (that last one does not really work if you are still at the bar).
Its always going to be a bit exciting / nervous as no one really likes being turned down. But we've met some fantastic people just by starting with... Hi"
Yeah, it's not a team sport haha.
Best to be more of a lone wolf and don't go around in groups it can be intimidating. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I keep coming back to this for more interesting perspectives, mr blonde has a good point! You gotta be in it to win it as they say.
We will try to remember all, this will be our fourth visit out (second to this club) and we are really looking forward to it. |
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By *r.BlondeMan
over a year ago
Chester/Wirral |
"I keep coming back to this for more interesting perspectives, mr blonde has a good point! You gotta be in it to win it as they say.
We will try to remember all, this will be our fourth visit out (second to this club) and we are really looking forward to it. "
If you don't buy a ticket you can't win the raffle. |
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